August 15th, 2009, 12:46 pm
THE SECOND ROUND OF VOTING WILL END ON MONDAY, AUGUST 24TH AT 11:59 PM GMT.
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August 15th, 2009, 12:48 pm
Bogets and there uses in B-day partys.
By Teary Bota
A boget is a evil kreacha, witch turns in to shapes *yum, shapes i ned moar of those biskut craker thing* - wen a shape is riqwired. they shifl when doing the shape thing witch is the only thing that evol creacha can do a part fron hidin, witch bogets v.good at doing places wich you fine bogets in clood insid table under grandpas clocks (my grandpa better watch out for a boget in his clock but bogets are invisable when they are hiding in granpa’s clock so grandpa cant now if a evol creacher is there or not in his clock hell have to use his grandniss to figor out if its there or not with the help Granmama as well wich is a hopelis witc any way so i think if their was a boget they wodnt be able to find it espeshly when it shifles wich I think maches dancing queens. but ther is something not mentioned that the boget will look different to a differnt person compared 2 person who will see it different. an the pont hear is that every1 will see the boget diffferent to different peple. The boget will show differnt u something ewes dont want to see such proffesser snape who rimes with snake and i cant see why and it was proff long bottem whos snape turns into by a boget and no one else turns in to snape mainly becos no 1 noes hoo snap is since yers ago snape got cilled by a snake AH! Theres why that rimes. I betta watch out for things that rime with mi name . wate . harry potta rimes with terry Botta so WOMG that means that happy potta guy will kil me I shoud watch out for him if he kiled voldimor then he cood killl me to so i beta wach out for him and sun albis too^
so bogets change into different things with are differint for diffferent peple. u unda stand! and the question mentioned bday partys
birthday parts are fun things that are fun and thers lots and lots an lots and lts and lots of funn games that peopil play an birthday patys games inklud pin tale on that animal I dont noe about. and also there is pass the parsley wich lots of vegtibles are passed. And I cant think of ani more games cos i neva went to a bday partie cept my oun wich was a nock out event that evry1 went to yut i didt hav thees fun gaims. it was my elvenfth BTW and a owl disterbed it and it didt stae for pin the tale on it.
but I can say that bogets would be avil kreatcher that can go to bday partys since te partie would need to hav a knew thing to keep it intersting but bogets wold not b evol then an bogets would tern in to fun things that neva change yet every1 could be the shifle dunce wit tha bogets and look they are then entatanemet.
and im way over the 3OO word coint (525?!) so this is the end
:clap: :birthday: :D THE END! :D :birthday: :clap:
^smily not puposly chosin.
August 15th, 2009, 12:49 pm
Boggarts bad like yesterdays rottin carcass?! Yep they’re scary an get on ya nerves. Y’open ya cupboard and find worst fing ever there, maybe worse than the worst! I mean, common, it changes into y’worst nightmare and if y’re an optimist y’re screwed cos ya gonna fink “Oh ‘ey!’S ok, ‘s long ‘s i’s not (insert fear that is worse than worst that y’ve only fort of due to bein faced wiv y’worst fear). An then i’s gonna turn into tha’! And tha’s scary. An not jus “Ahrg I jus made m’loincloth even more dirty” scary, i’s “Oh unicorn poppies, I’d ravver be suffrin the Cruciatus curse right now!” scary.
Owever, they can be fun! Maybe even perfec fur birfday parties! ‘speshly when in attempting t’scare someone that fears large feet and someone tha fears booby traps a’ the same time. ‘less it ends up as a foot trap, in which case I ‘ope y’re wearin very crispy an’ hard socks. They can be fun when y’re using the Riddikulus charm too. I’s like ‘avin an egg (not very nice) ‘atchin into a tasty crunchy little chick, just‘s long as there’ve bin no toads ‘angin round (in which case leg it) but i’s still som’in goin from bein scarier than yr fathers nasal cavity t’ bein funny as frowin blast ended skrewts round til they ‘urt ya fingers an y’ave to club ‘em and pos’bly brain ‘em too if y’ve ‘ad a good day of smashin fings.
But ‘ey, if y’re bored, y’ave a sadistic streak or the birfday boy/girl/troll/fing ‘as stolen ya faverit bone crushin fingamajig or called you smart, y’can always jus wrap some boggarts up in fancy wrappin paper an give ‘em as a gift. Then ju’stand back an watch ‘em break down in cripplin fearful tears, job done!
August 15th, 2009, 12:49 pm
Alllriiiighttyyy! So this is moi’s S.A. a parently this peice of paper will chose what im doin 4 the rest of my life or w/e. Lets c. Why do the dark arts exist? Thats kinda a stupid question, don’t cha think? I mean, this S.A. is suppose to b 4 the fence against the dark arts right? K the dark arts exist cuz all those snotty little pix got mad 4 bout bein only light art! So somebody had to make dark arts. ill tell u how they did 2 cuz it happnd 2 me once. when i was puttin on some maskairuh the lil brushie tip thing ya kno the 1 at the tip, ya, well, it touchd my finger instead and it was like a paint brush and it left a DARK *winkwinknudgenudge* mark!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i thought it was sooooo cool! butt i couldnt walk around all day with a big black thing on my finger, so i wiped it on 1 of those tlkin pics and it startd screamin at me. and i lookd @ it and the ART was DARK! so like, dark art, right? this S.A. is WAY 2 eezA. n e way i think it happnd very 1st when mayb somebody had way 2 mcuh light and wantd some dark art. and then othr ppl thought they had 2 much light. then somebody wantd 2 hav a hole bunch of dark arts and somebody put up a fence. and thats what were studee in! all those funny lil animals must live on the othr side of the fence, like the movie ovr the hedge!!!! omg, i luuuuuv that movie!! cept they didnt hav any of those weird things were studyin on our fence. ooooo o ummm like ****… O YEAH!! there calld boggie arts! I think. something like that. they live with all the dark arts on the othr side of the fence and scare ppl! i dont think its very nise, but prophesour says that the dark arts arnt nise. ya so n e ways, thats y the dark arts exit!
PS i tried my hardest i swear, can u lemme kno how i did??:love:
PPS y were the questions so eezA????????
August 15th, 2009, 12:50 pm
Horcruxes: Not Necessarily A Bad Thing
Horcruxes aren't necessarily a bad thing cause if you had a horcrux then you could live forever because you would be immortal nearly. only nearly though cause if some one found your horcrux and killed it using some super awesome magic then that bit of your soul inside,yeh, wud be ded, like wunnit. So then that leaves you with only half a soul. which isn't that good..but at least your still alive.
I wonder if you carry on ageing? Is there like a limit to how old you look or do you keep getting wrinklier and wrinkler and wrinklier and wrinklier until you are like a wrinkled blob?
Sooo I think haveing horcruxes would be like really cool...'cause i could get like a reaaaaaaaaaaaaaallllyy really cool job..and i'd live forever....so i would get reaally smart...and i'd be dead cool because i'd be like 'hahaha i can live forever unless someone kills my horcrux and yoou can't' and then they'd be all so where is this horcrux of yours and i'd be all 'i'm not telling yoou 'cause i'm gonna live foreverr' Or i could get really smaart and double trick them...I could actually TELL them where it is and how to kill it...so they's go kill it...and they'd come back all smug going 'nerr nerr ner nerrrr nerrrrrr i killed your hoorcrux yoou aree gonnaa diiiiee' and i'll be like yeh whatever we'll see..'cause they wouldn't know that really i'd have 2 horcruxes. and then maybe i could make more and more and more..
but then i'd be like dead...kinda...ew
and when you are older and everyone you know is dead, which will kinda be sad but you'll get over it...maybe you can get someone to make a horcrux as well that way you can be immortal forever together and not on your own. and when it's like 800 years late you will know neraly everything..how cool?
1 is enough...but i'd be like a criminal mastermind yeh, and not get all smart like lord whatsisname, i'd hide them in uber cool wickedly secret place where NOONE would think to look...not even my self. Yes. I am a genius I know.
You have to like murder someone to make a horcrux don't you? Ew..can it just be like AVADA KEDAVRA yeno, quick easy not painful for the victum. I don't think I'd be abe to cope with a bloody death...or a slow death. Yes Nice quik and not painful. that's the way to go. its kind of me to kill them quick...because then....they don't have to suffer...aww how sweet am i?
in conclusion a horcrux would be a good thing because you get to live forever....kind of..which means horcruxes aren't bad.... YAY!
August 15th, 2009, 12:50 pm
The Dark Arts – Why Do They Exist?
The dark arts exist just like any other thing. Like there’s chocolate which is also dark. At least some variety is dark, or really dark. Arts are dark like the night. I mean, if you have to draw a night scene, it has to be dark. You can’t make it light and call it a night scene or dark art. A dark starry night and rich dark chocolate. Can there be anything better, I ask you.
Now why do I have to write a 300 word essay just to tell you why they exist?? It’s so simple. They exist because they exist. And I don’t care. I only care about chocolate and deep dark starry nights. Ah! So wonderful.
Oh Snape, dear Snape, why do you ask us to write essays on such useless things?? Be thankful for dark arts, or you wouldn’t be our Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher. :p
About 150 more words … Peeves, where are you? I’m bored. Lets go find some ink pellets. Sorry, I got distracted. Ehm.. back to dark arts. It’s so dark in here. Where are the lights?? Zzzzzz …….
Um … Oh. essay. right. Arts. You want some dark art? Just take a piece of parchment and throw some black ink on to it … Fold it in all sorts of ways until you like the pattern. If the whole parchment is coved completely in ink try again. And this time, try using less ink. It makes beautiful patterns. Trust me.
Oh sorry. But it is the job of a philosopher to find out why something exists. And I’m no philosopher. So, you better find a philosopher and do your research. Or wait till I become a philosopher. Which may be never. So, find a philo to help you out.. Leave poor little me in my arty – chocolatey world. Thank you very much.
August 15th, 2009, 12:51 pm
Have you ever wonted a boggart at your birthday party. I have I mean they are supose to be sooper fun. I want to do that for my next birthday party. I don’t remember my first birthday. It was My second birthday was . Well I dont remmember it. But my therd birthday I ate cake and other fun stuff like that I think. On my therd birthday I ate cake and did other fun stuff like that unless I already said that but I can’t read my writeing. My forth birthday I umm…..I think I ate sum cake and some had some presents that I opened and I cant remember what I got though. My fifth birthday I got ssome money. My sixth birthday I got more money. I got 2 galleons and 7 sickles! I AM RICH!!!!! On my eight birthday I got a Nimbus 2000 for my eight birthday!!!!!!!!!!!! It was awesome!!!!!!!!!!!! I play chaser! I am going to buy a Firebolt some day! Boggarts are awesome. This year I got a Nimbus 2001!!!! That was even awesomer! Pizza is the best food at a birthday party I mean it rocks! So does roote beer flooats! Anyway, did you know that boggarts like are supposed too scare you? They like turn into the thing you fear most and you have to cast like some ridiculous charm. WAIT! I think it is called Riddikkulus… And it like turns in to a funny thing. You like have to think of it and then it happens if you do it right, right? I would turn it in to some ice cream so that it was worthless. Then Maybe you could eat it but I don’t know about if you can eat a ice cream boggart! Well that was my boggart essay! I hope you liked it and I hope I can get a good grade and I hope that you will answer my question. Thank you very much, it was fun writing this essay for Defense Against the Dark Arts!
August 15th, 2009, 12:52 pm
First of all I fink there must be a mistake in my kwestion paper coz in kwestion 2 it says that I have a wairwulf as a freind this is not korrekt I aint never had no freinds wot was wairwulfs you mite of bin finking of Sanguini I used to hang out with him sometimes, but for your infermashion he is a vampar not a wairwulf and he wernt that much of a mate anyway more of a erkwaintens so you don’t no what your talking about and your supposd to be the teacher!!?! I don’t fink you no your subject very well.
But that is not the kwestion I am going to anser coz like I said it dont applie to me I am gonna anser kwestion 6 horcrukses not nessesarerly a bad fing. Well, yes, I fink that is true horcrukses are in my veiw a very good fing coz wot a horcruks means is you have ript your sole into tinny peices. That means that your sole is now in very conveeniant sizes wich will come in very handy for storridge purpusses and you can take it with you anywhere like on pikniks or if you are a lady you can easily fit it into your handbag and if you are going on a long car jurny you can rip your sole into alot of peices so it fits into the boot easyly then you can jus put it back to gether again when you get to the other end like one of those pieces of flatpak furnitcher from IKEA or yes like those fun size chocklet bars having lots of horcruks is like having fun size chocklet bars its the same but in a more conveeniant size it is kind of like a fun size sole.
Also it wud make a reely unushual and pursonal Krismas or burfday prezent you cud giv to your mates. Like I cud giv my bess friends Drako and Vynsant a horcruks for Krismas in a speshal prezentashion boks and they wud say “Oh Gregory that is reely unusual and pritty wot is it? Is it a ded slug?” and I wud say “No its a horcruks a peice of my sole” and they wud say “Oh Gregory that is such a grate present and your so clever” and wud be dead impresst and I wud fill reely pleased and prowd because to be onnest people don’t offen say fings like that to me.
So overall I can not see what is bad about horcruks atall.
An other good fing about horcruks is that it sounds a bit like a very rude word and you can hav some fun wiv that, but as we have been arst to writ a famly friendly essay I wont say nothink more about that.
August 15th, 2009, 12:52 pm
Boggarts and Their Use in Birthday Parties
Boggarts, shape-shifting creacherz that transform into ur worst fear, are birthday party essenchulz. Most witches and wizards are terrifyd of the 3 things that are absolutely, positivly necessary at birthday parties: Clownz, balloons, and pinyattuz. There are several steps that will make ur boggart birthday party a hit. First, u must invite everyone u know. Love them or hate them, getting as many people together is a must to make sure u get all of ur party essenchulz if u are a cheap witch or wizard and do not want to pay for anything urself. My great aunt Myrna is a cheap witch. She’s so cheap that she’s the witch Muggles know as the “Old Woman that Lives in a ShOo.” The host should show their guests the boggart and poof! free party materials!1!
Got a friend who’s terrifyd of clownz? Show them the boggart and see their eyes pop out of their head while everyone else is amuzed by the balloon animals it makes! A friend who’s horrifyd by the vary thought of balloons? Watch them run while everyone else is inhaleing healeeum! Know someone who’s frytend of pinyattuz? See them cry when it is beaten senselessly by ur happy guests and watch their horrifyd face as candy spills out of it! LOLZ
On the off chance that some guests are not ascared of party necessities and the boggart turns into something like a Death Eater or U-Know-Who, the guest that brought about this form of the boggart should point their wand at it and shout “Riddikulus!,” think of something funny, and laugh at it! Works like a charm (pun intended! LOLZ Iz so funny), but it will make the boggart vary sad and embarrassed so that it will not easily come out of its hiding place. To fix this, simply give it some milk and cookies. But not too many cookies, because everyone knows what happens when u give a boggart too many cookies... And since everyone knows BRB... Back! Sorry, all that talk of cookies made me hungry. *munch munch* ^.^ As I was saying, since everyone knows what happens when u give a boggart too many cookies, I’ll move on. After cokesing the boggart out, the party host must kick out the guest that is silly enuf to be ascared of U-Know-Who over party favors! :rolleyes:
Lastly, if no one made the host a cake for their birthday and there is no more use for the boggart, the host should find someone whose worst fear is cake! These steps show just how useful a boggart really is at a birthday party and how nothing horribul could ever happen! :birthday:
August 15th, 2009, 12:53 pm
The dark arts, why do they exsist
Well its obvious the dark arts exsist so that defence against the dark arts exisit. I wouldn’t be sat here writing this essay if the dark arts didnt exsist, so that’s why I hate them not because there ment to be bad but because there making me wite an essay that I dont want to wite. So the dark arts exsist so the subject defence against the dark arts exsist and so all us students have to go to hogwarts and learn a lesson and take a stupid exam or wite essays like thise. thats my opinion, the ministry of magic thought, hey lets give the children of the wizarding world another subject to learn and fail, (they are idiots, look at Cornelius fudge) so we’ll invent dark arts and then they can learn defence against the dark arts. i bet they thought they were little genius. Im not the only human who agrees with me, luna reckons its a conspirecy like me, shes got a good reason as well. People having to invent spells for the dark arts means they hav to get paid, it’s a way for makeing money, and a new subject means a new teacher which will get paid meaning money makeing!! its a conspirecy!! and if another conspirecy is true about the ministry for gain other than money but that leads back to money, obously fudge still wants to overthrow the goblins, gringotts would appeal to him, so he invented dark arts to do this. It all makes perfect sense invent dark arts pretending its so the subject defence against the dark arts can be put into hogwarts, making money there. but actually them same dark arts can be used against the overthrowing of goblins, meaning more money makeing from gringotts, i hope its doesnt becuase ive got money in there gringotts. I recon theyve gone to far with this dark arts business though, i mean all for a subject and money inventing spells like crucio and avada kadavra that you cant even defende anyway, so no need for lessons learning to how to defende against spells not possible to defende against wheres the sense in that, do you know? And there not really suitable to learn about anyway, killing curses, bit dark really and extreme when only for money and school grades. I recon durmstrangs got the right idea learning dark arts instead of defence against the dark arts, shows them ministry that people arnt fooled and arnt manipulated by any government scheme and there big idea for money makeing is goin to backfire on them like a bad wand, which mine does all the time sadly.
August 15th, 2009, 12:58 pm
y dem teaches don no nuffin bout da dada curzez an shuld trow a boggie bday PAR-TAAAAAY!
bye da studint woo shal remane name less
i mean da posishun has ben cursed fur yeerz buh woo noez y? well i guez we shuld luk at da historie of da job. like i no prof binns is like tote-tallie borin an all, da mans a goast fur cryin out loud an he talks like a robutt witch putz da intire class to sleep all da dang time, buh it can b emportent sumtimez. soooooo yea lets luk at dat, cuz i meen what els am i supose ta talk bout?
(i rote it as a like rap kinda poehm thing an i hope das ok, cuz i like rap an i like poehms esp wons da rime :) )
firs der waz quirel da timid an sheye
ta e'ryone he seamed like a bang up guy
buh when it came down to it
da guy dun blew it
how you supose to think with a dude mouchin off ya cuz he didn wanna dye
den der wuz lockhart, selfish wit a big hed
he did wuh he culd ta git ahed
he stole peep's storeys
an took all da gloreys
cuz lets face it da guy thunk he wuz the bestest thing since sliced bred
nex wuz lupin an he waznt a goon
buh wuz bit bye uh werewolve an wuz not imune
his studints did like em
but he culda byte em
but hows a guy supose to do n-e-thin when hes afrayed a da moone
(i meen prof lupins tought bout boggies dey change shapes n stuff witch is y dey's is da purrfect bday PAR-TAAAAAY gues, soooo funnie!)
a'ter that thur wuz mad eye mooney, cah-razie ex auroar
buh reely he wuz a deth eeter keepin da reel guy ina drawer
he tought bout curzez
'is class prolly needed nurzez
he cleerly waznt trying cuz he wuz jus out ta setle dah scoar
nex came ummm-bridge da femail toad
tuk a job she thunk she wuz ode
she had kittee plates an rote lots-o-decreez
dat made as much cents as string cheeze
an den those twinz deefyed her and da centore ran her outta da zip code
a'ter dat dur wuz snape ex poeshunz masta
e'rywon thunk his clazz wuz a disasta
buh won day he gut wut he wunted
da dada job dat had tawnted
buh it didnt matta cuz da dark lord lata made him da hed-masta
(i bet he made a darn gud n funie boggart al dowled up n nevies grans cluths haha EPIC! :rotfl: agane such a grate PAR-TAAAAAAY gues)
an now we got dis prof teachin
buh nowon listens to 'is sreechin
he luks like a troll
I wish hed shud 'is pie hole
cuz nobuddy don pay him no atenchun nore wants to here 'is lame-o preachin
buh like that reely mattas n-e-wayz cuz dah teach wont be hear nex yeer
he prolly have moar luck as a waste managemint enginear
all he does is leek troll bow-ggies
an talk bout hoagies
an i thunk we all be glad when duh guy wil jus disapeer
(soooooo yea hope ya liked dat cuz it wuz fun ter rite)
sooo der ya have it, dem teaches aint neva gunna fix da prob cuz theys is two dum, ore r two busy doin otta things ta take care of da prob. I meen mayb if dah profs had gut two a wise ole sole like peevies ore sumthin den mayb dey culdda dun sumthin bout da prob butt dey didden soooooo deys jus too dum ta do n-e-thin bout it. i meen makes cents to me. dunnit make cents to u? i meen dey allweighz says stoopid is as stoopid dus. an ya caint fix stoopid! so if it aint broak don fix it! thas all im sayin'. sooo y wurry bout da past go trow a bday PAR-TAAAAY wit a boggie as da gues o honore! cuz i meen i likes PAR-TAAAAAAAYS deys is sooooooo much fun! mayb i culd pretend dat im fraid of david hazzelhoff so that wed have boggart dizguized as DA HOFF at are nex PAR-TAAAAAAAAAAY, now datd b fun!
psssst i tryd ta ansir to questones at wonce hope das ok. :p
SUPA PSSSST... i like zzzzz’s :D
August 15th, 2009, 12:59 pm
You want to know the truth about why the Dark Arts exist? If you want to know the truth, I'll tell you the truth.
Dark Arts don't actually exist, they were invented by the greasy slimeball minister for magic just to make all us common people scared and vote for him. You think you could honestly use a wand to hurt someone? Believe me, I've tried and it works about as well as using a niffler as a housemaid. Its a system. Honestly, you know the guy is no good just because of his teeth. Just look at them, he obviously puts in at least twenty bottles of Dent's Magical Tooth-Whitener every day. Why? He obviously has something to hide. You know what else? He was wearing a red robe today, and that is so obviously the colour of evil. He knows that no one in their right mind would want him as minister unless the threat of Dark Arts was looming around the corner, and he's mister "fought against Death Eaters in my day" and all high-and-mighty.
You know, I realize that he wasn't minister at the time, but he probably invented You-Know-Who. I mean, how many people actually saw him kill anyone? First he was dead, then he's alive again, now he's dead again. Believe me, he'll be back. The ministry without a scapegoat is like the Chudley Cannons without brooms. They are pathetic anyway, but now they can't even pretend to be getting anywhere. You-Know-Who was probably just some normal public servant in a silly costume, and I bet that Harry Potter was in his pocket the whole time, too. Chosen One? Give me a break, he claimed he was chosen because his teacher said so- the same one that was hired by Dumbledore. Speaking of Dumbledore, he must have been getting paid a ton for all his play acting, when the government were supposedly against him, it was probably just to throw off our scent and make it less obvious that they were in cahoots. Honestly, if there is one thing that my parents taught me, it is never to trust a man with a beard. And the bigger the beard, the more he has to hide. I bet Dumbledore and that Diggory boy and Harry's parents and You-Know-Who are all on an island somewhere laughing about it. Makes me sick just thinking about it.
That's the reason why Dark Arts exist. To scare us all and make us believe in the self-righteous git who calls himself our minister.
August 15th, 2009, 1:01 pm
Horcruxes:niot necessarily a bad thing.
Horcruxes is defaned as the ripening of our soul into many peaces and trapping them into other objects (leaving and non leaving) according to Sabanthimal Sandurak, the author of The Deap Dak Magic.Actually HORCRUX is an abrevatoin.
Horcrux is reely not bad at all (atleast dats wat my grand dad told me one sleep-no-night).Every individull has rights to stop and to wish his not kicking a butket.If any wizerd fell down in a bathroom and was in a portal meril he will think dat his life was wasted due 2 slipping floor and leaking fawcet.If he had been clever enough to differentate between sun and moan he would have made aleast 3 Horcruxes.
THE PLESSUIRE AND PROCEGER:
The plessuire of making Horcrux is so grate dat it makes ur mind go into infinite piece,its like eating a creemy desert (my grand dad's uncle's friend told me when I sat on his baby one day).The proceger is simple: Stand under a coriander tree and say following words: 'She sels see shells on seeshore' for thousand time .You will see death (a man in a black clock) at the end of process and he will ask ten random qustoins (like a quz) all easly anserable, like how many litters are der in your mother's tongue?Anser dem and you have made your Horcrux.After you make up ur Horcrux you will see some uncomon change in ur wisage,unusual but hand some.Dats how Lord Voldemort got his preaty face and divoted girl-fans.
ADVANTAGE OF HORCRUX:
I would like to say a small sad tail of a wizerd.One fine afternoon our hero had to go for walking.He came acros a casle-a pinky beutyfull one.Our curius hero went into it.Der was a long isle,he took the passage.He came face to face with a well bread troll.The troll had called the wizerd for wandless duel,our hero excepted it and start to fight with bear hands.He couldn't win as the troll sqashed him bye sitting on him.At the last second of his grate life he released his mistake of not make up a Horcruxe.Wats the use of life if we have to spend every our suspending death.Horcrux are savories of our life,bending our life to a caterpiller with goldern chains.Horcruxes can be compared to a bee,said Salazar Slytherin (in my dreem of curse),why he said dat I get know idea ( dew to firewhisky).Dats all what I no about the advantages and my SS related dreems.
Many moden day wizerds think dat making a Horcrux is the route of all evil.Lets peek at wat Lord Voldemort has to say in a xclusive Quibbler article:' My Horcruxes stoped my early death.It even stoped my puking up dew to stinking smell of my fingernails,and get my advice never,ever let the cat out of the bag'.(Why he said dat?May be...:hmm:It should be.)Mr.Voldy hit the nail on his head by mading the last comment as cats are the only thing dat a Horcrux maker should be afraid of.When a cat comes near any horcrux it pukes and farts (not cat the Horcrux),dat is all enough for Aurors to chew you out and send off to Azkaben.So,after horcrux finished you collect all cats and give good food and hyde dem(dont kill dem Confunding will do the trik).
Its a big proceger. To renuite one has to travel seven sees,seven mountains,wresle seven trolls.Nobody ever tried dat.It is painfull.Its better to not attempting it.
Here I think I will concfude the essay.I concfude becuse I think I rote enough,I am tired.Thus I concfude the essay-HORCRUXES:REELY NIOT A BAD THING.
Profesor,um can I ask you to mention my essay in the class :love:and say to others who are intrested,dat my secret to good speling is the Magic quills from Weasley's Wizarding Weezles,dats how I reduced most of my sily erors.:cool:
August 15th, 2009, 1:02 pm
Pixies, Moste Evile Belings
The pixies are like the moste evile beings ever. Seriously, that’s the best essay topic you’re given us, like, ever. Just last week I found one in my wardrobe and it had like torn apart my best dress robes! (ok, they were really my eighth best, but they were amazing nonetheless, I mean, I had them delivered from Upper Dunderton, besides, they were the only decent clean robes I had at the moment, the rest were sent to mummy for cleaning). And like that wasn’t traumatic enough, the vile thing had to jump into my perfectly styled hair and spoil it completely, ON PURPOSE, and I had only two hours before my date with Cormac who’s omg such a hunk, and sooooo into me, and who I had to unclench from Lisa Medley’s hideous hot-pink-nailed hands, and she’s such a tramp, it was no easy feat, you know! Anyway, I couldn’t ask Amanda Lindt to re-style it, because we’d fallen out half an hour before because she wouldn’t let me borrow a love potion off her father’s confiscated stash, and so I had to go out with disastrous hair, all because of that moste evil pixie thing!!!11!!
I think they should be classified as the moste dangerous creatures ever, because even a dragon couldn’t have done so much damage in so little time. Needless to say, Cormac ditched me that same night and went back to Lisa Medley, that total cow (and her lips are so pumped with Labias Pumpus, it’s like, totally obvious!) And now I have to watch her snog my Cormac all over the place – because of the obnoxious creature that is the pixie!
Also, my friends have suffered from the pixies too. Amanda Lindt for example (that was before I stopped speaking to her, and still naively believed she was a true friend) was grounded last month for like a week having to de-pixie her gran’s place with her mother. I mean, that was the week of the coolest gryff party ever, and I had to bribe Megan Ginger to allow a Ravenclaw in our common room, and I had even prepped Simon Garfunkle for her appearance and he’s like sooooo fit, you know! So she missed her chance on the second coolest gryff because of those horrible pixies! They left a scar on her wrist, too, she showed me, so on top of all they deformed her, too. Totally changed her life, there’s no way Simon will look at her twice now. I mean, how eviler can a creature become?! Although I wouldn’t've wasted my sympathy on her then if I’d known how cheap and mean she really was.
Anyway, my point is, I think I provided enough evidence in the foregrounding paragraphs that pixies are so evil they can ruin people’s lives, as evidenced by the current state of both Amanda’s and mine. Oh, and I heard their teeth are poisonous if one doesn’t take precautions, so that’s bad too.
August 15th, 2009, 1:02 pm
The Dark Arts - Why Do They Exist?
Well, profffesore the dark aarts exisT' coz of a girl calld gremlins, y;know like that muggle movie when the gremlins ate the cows who went out to go parteying and their were parteying and eating the tacos with SpeshuLL sauce and they had REALLY speshul, and not just sspesul but ~*~*~*~SPESHULLLL SAUCE POW'RS~*~*~ liek with a capital and some asterisks a nd later
greMlins is harry potTER'S ~*~TIWN SISTUR~*~ And she was friends with hermayonee (idk how to like spell it but i know it's got liek mayo in it ewww mayo) and ginny weasley (I THInk she'z SO PRETTY ANnD I want to be hur bff LIKE WHOA :love:) and then the dragon ball z anime was there and lord voldEmodt battld with Gokou! And the gokou do the KAMI HAMI HAAA and then volodemort wus like NO WAI and then goKu wuz like WAAAAI and then there was piCcolo and
the picollo came nd save voldeort, and he CAUGHT him in his arms AND she was LEIK YOU SAVEDME and THEN voldemor learnd dark arts from the piccolo so he go to hogwarts and boldemort went I;LL KICK YOUR BUTT end then the voldemort was being defeating by albus dumbledoor (he has like TTLY LONG beard and I think he was a hedmaster of hogwarts too proffessores) so she was mad and he ran away THE END
& so gremLIN IS this girl whos harry pottahs friend and twin she SHE HAS NICE TURQOUIIEUESE HAIR (I don't know how 2 spell it, but I think ITS LIEK PINK AND the color of PEPPERONI PIZZA together and it luks so ~*~GORGEOUS(~*~~) and hermoynee dated ron and then dey didn't know that gremLINz can ttly control the earth, wind, water, fire and eatz rainbows and is like POWERFULL and she's so awesome MWAHUGZ
SO gremLIns didn't noe that draco malfoy ('y know thjat GUY WHO HAS BLONDE HAIR AND REALLY DARK EYES, HE'S SO AWESUM PROFFIEEE sparkles!!!1 :drool:) was in love with HER and then malfoi commentz in her myspace account (IF YOU know , ask me that LINK I would ttly give it to you, proffie, TOLTALLY) – 'HAI GREMLINS DATE ME1?!' so he silently smiled and then she replyed 'YA TOTTLY I;'M GONNA GO IN DIS RLY COOLE RAVE TONITE OKAY SO YOU SHUD WARE TIGHT PANTS!!!1 SO U NOE, IT WOULD TTLY BE ~*~AWESUM~*~ :) }
so yea, I think dat's how the dark arts exist so gtg proffesor i think i've reached the max wordz rite? SO MWAHUGZ MAI PEEPZ L8RZ!!!eleventy-one!!1
(proffesor, I think u noe teddy lupinz myspace can u ask him what it is? HE'S LIEK SOOOO COOL ND HE haz rly turqoiouose hair THX MWAHUGZ L8RZ)
August 15th, 2009, 1:03 pm
Boggarts and Their Use in Birthday Parties
What are the origins of Birthday Parties? Perhaps Godric Gryffindor invented them himself. Either way they are traditions of the utmost importance. Birthday Parties make our lives more expressive, vivid, and colorful. Thus Birthday Parties exist so we can express our individuality on the day of our birth while we enjoy ourselves.
A Boggart, as is known, is a shapeshifter that isn’t transparent, like a ghost, but a magical creature that changes into whatever you fear most. Let us consider the following example – being afraid of Vampires. Almost everyone feels upset and frustrated when they see a Vampire, which is quite an unpleasant thing. To see a Vampire-Boggart at a Birthday Party might seem a terrible thing, but consider this: to beat the Boggart is nearly the same as smashing a piñata (a Muggle treat seen often at fiestas). While the idea of seeing a Boggart Vampire might seem a terrible thing, the idea of overcoming a fear is a terrific thing. When we use them in proper situations, Boggarts can really boost the mood and make a dull party more exciting.
To point out the value of Boggarts at Birthday Parties we can divide them into several groups according to the type of birthday. The most recognized are the following: Holiday birthdays and milestone birthdays (like a coming-of-age birthday). We think of these birthdays as special because they only happen infrequently. For example, a birthday that falls on Halloween used to cause fear or other feelings for the birthday Witch or Wizard. And when a Boggart was given as a gift the feeling was doubly so. That was until Godric Gryffindor, or some other Wizard, invented the Birthday Party. With lots of guests around, the Birthday Witch or Wizard could laugh and laugh at the fears of others until it was their turn to proudly exclaim “Riddikulus!” and overcome their own fear while having a great time celebrating.
In conclusion, the use of a Boggart at a Birthday Party is still very much alive in the UK. For after all, should overcoming a personal fear not be important in the Wizarding world, as its popularity will eventually prove.
August 15th, 2009, 1:04 pm
Side Effect: May cause dizziness!
She had left a note on Professor Snape’s desk. It read:
“As I am studying in this school, I am suffering from headache and my headache is paining badly. So, I request you to leave me today.”
When that didn’t work, Hermione had no option but to write the essay. The topic was ‘The Dark Arts – Why do they exist?’
Things exist because existence created them from nothing in order for existence to become aware of itself. The no-things are a part of existence which exists as non-existence. Everything, as existence, wouldn't be Everything if it didn't include nothing.
With reference to the above, please refer to my below…
So, going by the above principle, my feelings for Ron, which is next to nothing, is part of my everything. But how can one know what nothing really is! And even if I know, would Ron know what I know that nothing is really a part of everything and without everything there is nothing.
Well again, there is something that I have for Ron but I am not sure whether that is the something I am looking for. It maybe some other something and that complicates everything because the ‘thing’ I may have for Ron is dependant on the something that I know nothing about. I have a thing for Harry as well but I know that it is not the something that I have for Ron. The something for Ron is stronger than what I have for Harry but one can argue that it is just relative to everything else.
‘Ron’ is like ‘Dark Arts’, really. The ‘Dark Art’ thing is a something that is part of my everything and unless I know what that something is, can I really know what the ‘Dark Art’ thing is?
A useful thing is a thing that has found its purpose in the world. It is something that has given a reason for its existence.
So, the something I have for Ron, is it a useful thing? And will it affect my everything and leave me with nothing? One cannot know something, without risking everything. That’s a risk one has to take or else one may end up never knowing anything. In the end, I may end up with either everything or nothing, which is a part of everything and so in essence, I will have ‘everything’ either way.
The thing I feel about Lavender is also something that confuses me. It is of course not the same thing as the something that I have for Ron and yet, the something I have for Lavender seems like a useful thing. I feel that by understanding the ‘something’ with respect to Lavender, the something about Ron will get clearer. And unless I know about the something for Lavender, everything about Ron will continue to remain nothing in my everything.
From the hypothesis, that is below the above hypotheses above hypothesis, the below can be concluded. The ‘Dark Arts’ thing exists because we want it to exist. If we didn’t want it to exist, it wouldn’t exist. If we don’t want it to exist, then we must first know whether it exists or not and if it exists, why it exists in the first place. If it doesn’t exist, then it equally important to know, why it doesn’t exist and this will help us to stop it from existing in future. But then again, one can’t un-exist an existing thing and can only hope to monitor the existence of the thing that we don’t want to exist.
Whenever I see Won-Won and Lavender together, there’s this something in me that wants the ‘Dark Arts’ thing to exist. And this is probably why ‘Dark Arts’ do exist? I, of course, didn’t use it so its existence apparently made no difference but even the wishful thinking that it should exist, makes it exist.
Conclusion: Ron should break-up with Lavender and then and only then will the ‘Dark Arts’ seize to exist and ‘something’ will start to make some sense.
P.S. This is a paid advertisement of ‘Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes’ latest product ‘Quilloquent'. If it worked on ‘the smartest witch of this age’, then it is guaranteed to work on your prank-target as well.
A Fun Fact: The incident mentioned above happens to be Hermione’s Boggart!
Copyright @ Fred and George Weasley.
Violators will be at the receiving end of our off-the-shelf products that were deemed to be unsafe.
August 15th, 2009, 1:05 pm
The Dark Arts - Why Do They Exist?
Well Okey, so Ima gonna be writing about why the Dark Arts exist right? Well you see, everyone noes that they exist because of people wanting to hurt all other peoples around! But see people are idiots (I'd learned taht from a sitcom :tu: ) See if they was really smart bout wantin to hurt each other, theyda sicked by uncle bruno on um, cuz then theyd have been in hot water.
Uncle bruno's a nice guy but he likes putting people it hot water too much and it hurts a bunch. He also hasa dog that likes to bite on shoos, even when their still on pepols feet! Hes a bad dog but uncle bruno doesn't shoo him as much as he should. Uncle bruno is a much nastier guy to do bad stuff to you then the dark arts. They just make you dead, and that's not as uncomforablt as being put in hot water, although I think that the boxis that they put people who gets daed look uncomforable too so maby the dark arts is badder.
I still think that uncle brunos worse then the dark arts. So that's da answer. Uncle bruno only has good candies in his place, wich makes you happyer, but that still isn't good enough to make it happyer to be put in hot water. Uncle bruno took me to canada one time, which was nice because they didn't have any hot water, until uncle bruno found some, but moslty not. He thinks he's nice but he's not very nice.
So people made dark arts because they wanted to hurt people and be as bad as uncle bruno but uncle bruno and his dog are worser. I had a dog once too but it was nicer then uncle brunos. He was a big and fluffy dog and he liked to chase animals and birds and skwerrils. He was very happy and he was very much nice, but he got sick and died. I was very sad, which is also worse then the dark arts. I think that dark arts should be like goth arts. Cuz ther both black and other dark colors, and they both have that. With bones and bloods and stuff like that. but thats no what dark arts is! darks arts is majic that makes bad stuff happen, and not dark arts is not the same as regular dark arts, but both can make you feel sad, but not as sad as uncle bruno or my dog that died. and dark arts is not really dark, because the get dead spell is all shiny and green and that's not dark, because shiny is not dark its light. So that is why dark arts is a bad idea, because it's not paint and uncle bruno is meaner and dogs gettting daed is sadder and its also too much shiny.
So yeah, that's why the dark arts are existing, because they are sad and hurt people and bad people try to do those things, but they should have asked uncle bruno for help instead and waited for everyones dogs to get dead. Cuz that would do better at it.
August 15th, 2009, 1:05 pm
“Dis ßlak-Faиg Me Friиd”
Da Doяk Aяts Sava Meee, Daa Đid
Иaht loиg tyme go, ßeeg-Uggly was leedeя, kiиg of Tяoo-Tяoos. Heem иevr liky ßoock. Das mee, ßoock. ßeeg-Uggly tell ßoock “ßoock! You bad tяoo-tяoo. No guud ad basshiи! Go! ßee out! Pull oииe tяees.” So, ßoock go owt to maj-ic wiяld to fiиd mee beeg tяees foя basshiи wissiяđs.
Иaht loиg bee-for ßoock fiиd beeg tяee foя basshiи. ßoock rip beeg tяee owt growиđ an shoows me teeths. ßoock happee, so ßoock beegiи wlakiи baack to ßeeg-Uggly wid tяee. Den ßoock luuks up to beeg, đaяk sky. Mee sees ßeeg-Яownd, aи иoows mee shuold wootch fiя Blak-Faиgs. Dem beesties coms owt ifs ßeeg-Яownd is eeи da sky. Aи is иaht loиg bee-for Boock huяds em yell at da ßeeg-Яowиd иaht faя fяum ßoock. So, ßoock go loиg path rowиd laak.
ßoock suяpяised ta sees lite flassh in tяees saam culoя as ßoock all moast. ßud den ßoock sees a wissird wid a stik makiи flassh. ßoock tiиks to self “ßoock! Dis guud tyme fiя basshiи wissiяd aи tryiи nu tяee. So, ßoock яaases tяee hi. Slooly ßoock wlaks to wissiяd wid mee beeg tяee. Wissiяd den maaks hees stik flassh aииudeя tyme, aи ßoock huяds aи amiиal maaks a crry. ßoock tawt id wass a doggie. ßoock liky doggies, so ßoock яuuиs to wissiяd, an bassh heem on da hed wid beeg tяee. Da wissiяd faw dowи, go ßoom, aи ßoock shoows me teeths aagaaи, cuz Boock tiиks wissiяd basshiи is fuи!
As ßoock luuks dowи ad da wissiяd, ßoock huяds summfing An summfing beeg luuks at ßoock. It luuks lyke ßeeg-Яouиd, bud ßoock noos wut it is. It beeg blak doggie. Hees on da growииd hurt aиd ßoock smels summfing. Summfing lyke rowsted doggie. Wen ßoock com cloos to doggie, heem shoows hees teeths aи gяowls at ßoock. Heem иaht waиt ßoock toooo cloos. ßud ßoock иaht skaяd of doggie. So, ßoock go cloos. Deи doggie fase aи aяms bee-giи luukiи dif-яeиt. ßoock deи иoos dis иaht a doggie, bud a ßlak-Faиg, aи ßoock is skaяd. Owиly ßlak-Faиg maaks ßoock skaяd. Aи, ßoock dяops tяee, aи wlaks bak to wissiяd, aи twips oи wissiяd, fawwiиg oи ßoocks bak. Mee ßoock iи beeg twubble, aи ßoock иoos it. ßoock uusus beeg haиd ta feels fiя mee beeg tяee, bud all ßoock fouиds is a stik.
Wid stik, ßoock swigиs at ßlak-Faиg, bud sees stik is vewy vewy smawl an culoя of Big-Puffies up iи sky. ßoock staяds ta pwayiи ta Gawd Gяuumsh fiя help! As ßoock dood dat da stik staяds ta sshaakiи. Aи, deи. Aи deи. Gяuumsh maaks stik lite up, aи deи fiяeflys com owd of da stik aи go oи ßlak-Fangs noos. Heems bodee staяds goiи bak to a doggie aи иaht a ßlak-Faиg, aи hees naht growliи at ßoock иo mooя.
ßoock still oи hees bak, aи doggie coms to ßoock aи liks mees on da faas. ßoock sees doggie still huяt, so mee puds mud on hees leg. ßeeg-Uggly naht guud to ßoock, bud heem showd ßoock dat mud maaks it beddeя. Deи da stik iи mees haиd staяds ta shaak aagaaи. “Wut maj-ic is Gяuumsh doiи иaow?” Mee saas. Wid dat a lite da culoя of ßoock hits doggie oи leg. Da mud faws off, aи heems иaht hiяt.
ßoock git up, piks up tяee, aи taaks doggie bak to ßeeg-Uggly. Weи ßoock aи Gяot, dats wud I calls da doggie иaow. Weи ßoock aи Gяot goos bak to ßeeg-Uggly, ßeeg-Uggly иaht happee ta sees ßoock. Heems taak hees beeg tяee aи tells all tяoo-tяoos dat hees goииa bassh ßoock.
ßoock is skaяd aagaaи. OK. OK. ßoock saas dat oиly ßlak-Faиgs skars heem, bud ßeeg-Uggly skaяs ßoock too. ßud, mee still has da stik of Gяuumsh. ßoock taaks stik owt aи luuks at it. It is culoя of ßeeg-Puffies in da sky, aи it staяds to gloo. Deи it maaks ßoocks haиd muv aи maaks mee saas summfing mee иaht sas bee-fooя. “Woи-gaard-ee-um Lavee hooosas!” mees saas, er summfing lyke dat. Mee sees da tяee dat ßeeg-Uggly waиs to basshiи ßoocks hed wid go up iи da aiя. Deиmee bleeиks mee iis, иaht иooiи wud hoppeиd, aи a “Cяaash”. ßeeg-Uggly, da kiиg, was basshd. Dis maaks ßoock kiиg.
Иaow doggie иot a ßlak-Faиg иo moor. Heem is King ßoocks doggie, aи das how da Doяk Aяts sava mee from da ßlak-Faиg.
August 15th, 2009, 1:06 pm
Bogarts are living things that when we come in contat with ‘em they change into the think we are most afraid of birthday partys celebrations we have with freinds and family to celebrate the day of our bith never before has anyone thought to combine the two but doing so can give the party-goers a fun thing to do why should one have a Bogart at their birthday party its a great way to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts birthday partys are a great place fore learning everyone needs to know how tow defend themselves and birthday partys are *** place where loss of people come together we can teach a large groop of people some defense which is a god thing its fun to learn what everione were afraid of we get to find out 5wat hour freinds’s biggest fears are is your freind afraid of big scary klowns spiders dementours basilisk or dirty smelly socks under there bed reaching out to grab 'em if they just so happen to get up in the mio9ddle of the night to get a drinks of water what better way to find out then to let it bee completely out of you’re freind’s control by having them confront a Bogart riddikulus you might say sure but what’s better foer a birthday party than something riddikulus I have never ben to a birthday party that had a Bogart but I’m sure goingg two have one at my too obtain a Bogart you need to go to a abandoned house that hasn’t been cleaned in many years search through the entire house I’m sure you’ll find an Bogart hiding in the wardrobe or a drawer or in a corner ore somewhere trust me there was be a Bogart there just look and you
August 15th, 2009, 1:06 pm
Why Poeple still Do The moldy Voldy
When Voldemort decided to split his soul, it accidentally split into this thing called a “Dark Art.” A “Dark Art” is this thing that dark wizards use. These dark wizards keep using these Dark Arts so that’s basically why they still exist. If these dumb dark wizards would stop doing the “moldy Voldy” as splitting your own soul is referred to nowadays we wouldn’t have more of these Dark Arts floating around nowhere.
It all started back with Sizzler Slytherin way back when he opened up Hogwarts with his buddies Godlick, Rowinga and Olga. They decided that there would be four houses and in order to make the four houses they had to split their souls in order to make the four houses. So when they split their souls they created four Dark Arts and these Dark Arts were the first of the many Dark Arts to come. From then on famous witches and wizards like Fulbert the Fearful and Uric the Oddball and Peeves made Dark Arst because of they split their souls open like the four hogwart founders and Voldemort.
Sometimes when wizards and witches split their souls apart these Dark Arts attach themselves to objects and make the objects “Horcrunches” which are a subcategory of the Dark Arts. There was once a big fight a long time ago between Bumblegore and Griffenwald that was meant to destroy the Dark Arts that were prevalent all over the wizarding world but when the battle was over Bumblegore one and the stupid Griffenwald split his soul because he was so mad. But he split it a hundred times and creating way too many Dark Arts and it was impossible to destroy them all now.
Then of course, voldemort came along and split his soul seven times as Hermione Granger said that one time in that interview for that one book she wrote that one time, you know? But the worst part was when Voldemort made these Dark Arts he invented the new magic called Horcrunches that I said about earlier and these were even worse than Dark Arts but were still like Dark Arts so are still classified as Dark Arts for these very purposes. Molly Weasley I heard once split her soul in half because Voldemort possessed her or something, and that one Quidditch player that was on Harry’s team got cursed that one time from that necklace which split her soul and created more Dark Arts in the world.
Dark Arts are still around cause nobody knows how to extrimanate them. If someone came up with a spell that could zap the Dark Arts from being here then all the problems of the Dark Arts would be solved. Voldemort is gone but all of his Horcrunches and Dark Arts still hang around in our world which causes many problems like making werewolves and giving Muggles their magical powers (that’s how mudbloods were made, the Dark Arts). So they’re still around because no one knows how to get rid of them. If someone knew how to get rid of them they should tell me so I can help the world become rid of all the Dark Arts. Because that’s why I’m taking Defense Against the Dark Arts because I love them and want to defend myself against the growing number of Dark Arts around the world and hopefully I will grow up and one day become a great Dark Art destoryer so I can rid the world of all these Dark Arts. And that’s why people still do the moldy Voldy.
August 15th, 2009, 1:07 pm
The Dark Arts: Why Do They Exist?
Why do Dark Arts Exit is the questshun and the ansuer is cleer - they nead to go!!! There is no good side to what can ony be sceen as the bad side, even if you see both side farily like me. I am sumone who things more than an average thinger, and I bleve in ideals lack pease and love. Dark Arts existunce make me angri and shuld of bin distroyed long ago. So becuase the Dark Arts is a rout of all evul we need to dig up who is to blam and thear is onyl one ansuer : Slythrins, of coarse.
So send the Slyithriens back home to thier evul familys and thier own kind. They donut belong heer. How else can we impruv edicashun for me and evryone else who is better than they are, or we waist are minds. Once they ear gone foreiver, we can chang the name of the clas to “Heroiac Arts” because don’t that just sound better? OK, it duz so why waist time with spells like "Especialarmist" that hav no poweur? We neid old-fashuned reveng! We knead stregnth to larn new spells that blastes villuns out of the warter like squid after a bake bean.
The Dark Arts shuld not be hear in our grate cultuur. In histry perhap Wizzers and Wiches had to use Dark Ars, but now not reely. Look back what was goin on back in the “Dark Agis” (naimed for Dark Ars)? Flams, Wich Triles, & ignurnce from Muggils, rats making Burbonick Plaques with flees, Gobbling Wores, demintered keltic mist on the montains wair Wizzers hav tu hyde from Muggils. insanuty, just insanuty. So a Dark Hecks might of bin good to keep a Barberryen from taking a pig from a barn or your cow an wife. But now we got Wimmins Rites. And Wimmins Rites say no grils have to git in a bote with a big Viking man if she dont wnat to. Or a pig, fur that mater, ether. So Heckses is outta date...
I've also heard it sade that becuase a Pyrmid in Egupt has a Curs, then we hav to lern Counter-Cursives, butt I disgree. No mummies aliv in there and we don’t see nun making Cursives now. So ther's no reason for counting thm is their? So my pont is clere.
Dark Arts needs to be scurgfiid and then a new day can splode on the horazan like brite lite frum rockits an bums. Ther is a Wore again the Dark Arts. We nead stop these terrubil Horecruxses or the singlural, “horecrook.” A horecrook is an evul peace of sole traped like tiney sea munkys in a box, who bang littul fists again the walls tobe free. Silent Screem. Any Dark Wizzer who duz a Horcrook, Cursive, or Heckses need loching up in Azklaban and sing Kimbayyah till there ears bleed or totely ded.
So jest Oblivurate them. Oblivurate menes eraz all memoriez to whip the brane like a cleen blackbored. Or use Unforgettibles and do sumthing to bee posituv and the hole world can cheer. Kill on site thees bad Dark Wizzers wit Avadakedaver. If done by pur love as reel Aroars do, Avadakedavers are gud for all sociotay. My dreme is to be an Aroar somday, and I lov peeple in my hart, but I dun’t mind to kill Slitheryeins if it wus in the line for dooty. I dont lik the way tey look anyways.
Time too furget Defens and be Offensuve as possable. Over time we step prodly into the lite holding hour haeds up, singing a song, waving the Suorde of Gryfuindyor like a wepun against the bad Anaconondas. The Anacononda (pluril) are big slimey snacks and won of U-No-Whose was a Horcrook so they mite all bee. So kill the Snacks!
Too close this up for good, everone with braines shuld agree wit me mor and mor. We all need te be lack Aroars and fite Silythrins who mack Dark Arts and sow no merci. The Drak Arts are like a mini-headred Turky that scratch up more wurms than all there gizzurds can choak down so kill the Turkys first befor they kin shoot a hecks. Ask questshuns later. The point is not that good is good and bad is bad or that black is white and grey is gray. No, and I wuddn’t want you to think that. Jest not to be simpletins an instaid be smart and listin to me! Rite is Rite and Rong is Rong, and no one can prouv any diffent even if they tri.
August 15th, 2009, 1:07 pm
Horcruxes: Not Necessarily a Bad Thing
Hey there new teacher, I is going to write you an essay about Horcruxes. My teachers are always told me not to start an essay telling what I is going to write about, but I don’t care. I is gonna start is how I want. Anyway, yeah, back to the subject of Horcruxes and why they is a good thing. Horcruxes is good.
Horcruxes is better than anything else. Wait what was I talking about again? Oh yes, Horcruxes. Well they have to be not bad, you see I was reading a book about them the cover was black, and black is my favorite color. That means they is good.
From what I understand all you have to do is split your soul. It’s kind of like splitting piece of play dough. It seems difficult, but it really isn’t. When I was a little kid I always used to make play dough broomsticks. It was so fun! Oh what was this essay about again? Let me start from the beginning and see.
Oh that’s right Horcruxes, I keep forgetting. My auntie always said I had a bad memory. Horcruxes can make you live forever. How can anything that makes you live forever be bad? Hey you wouldn’t happen to know why Dumbledoorf removed them from the library would you? Well he died, so he can’t be that great either. I have a friend that’s pureblood, and her grandma was in Slytherin, and she says her grandma said Dumbledoorf was just an old deluded minded man. We can’t let delusioned men make decisions of what’s good and bad.
I think everyone should have at least one Horcrux, maybe two—or three. I hope by the time I grow up I know how to make one. That would be so awesome. What would you recommend I use as my host? I was thinking maybe my baby shoes that my mom glazed over with gold. Nobody would think to look there!
So do you think there’s anything else I need to add to this essay, professor? Please don’t give me a troll! I think I got a troll on my Potions essay, and I really want to do gooder on this one. See I’m a muggle born, and I attended muggle school but I was kind of the class clown and never paid attention mucher. So I’m a dumb as a dumber dumb dumb.
I hope this essay has encouraged you to make a Horcrux yourself! Because they are gooder for making you live forever. Just think about it, if you and I both make a Horcrux we can live forever and ever together. Oh wait I don’t know if I like you yet. Hey! Maybe if you make a Horcrux you’ll be able to survive your post as DADA. Did you hear it’s cursed? That’s an essay topic too, so I’m sure you’ll get to hear all about that. But yeah, make a Horcrux and you might survive!
Anyway I’m getting really tired of writing this essay. My friends and I is going to go play some Quidditch. I’m not on the team or anything, but I sometimes fill in for people during practices. Next year when the keeper graduates, I’m thinking of trying out. Do you think I’ll make it?
This paragraph will concludes this essay. Horcruxes is really good magic! Don’t forget it. I really hope you will teach us about it in DADA. PLEASE DO! That would be sweet! I’d make Horcruxes for my mum and dad and all my relatives! We’d live forever and ever and be one big happier family. The end!
August 15th, 2009, 1:13 pm
“DADA Issues: An In-Depth Analysis of Hogwart's Famous Failures”
The underlying Reasons for the lingering Curse on the most coveted teaching position in History are many-faceted. A Dark Lord's stinging response in the face of Rejection. A Headmaster with some Dark tendencies of his own. A coward. A celebrity. A werewolf. An impostor. A sadist. A sour-faced Potions master. Each had their own Role to play in the perpetuation of some of the most pernicious Magic our world has ever Known. This paper will attempt to consider each of the Major influences in turn and will make the argument that it was truly personality Flaws, not a Curse, that left us Students without a competent Master in the subject for nearly a generation.
According to the Quibbler, (Skeeter, 1996) it was a young Lord Voldemort who sought to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts at Hogwart's. Interesting, is it not, to consider that the Darkest of all, had a deep desire to teach Children to defend themselves against....him? The depth of his inner conflicts are clear: Lord Voldemort didn't want to be Bad; he needed someone to turn him Good. This was his Cry for help. When Professor Dumbledore turned him out on his ear, the Evil was cemented inside You-Know-Who forever!
A stream of nameless Entities tried and failed at the job over the next few years. Then, as the saying goes: “Those who can, do and those who can't, teach.”* Those words were never more appropriate than in the Histrionic case of Professor Quirrell; for he most certainly Couldn't. In fact, his level of competence at Defending himself against the Dark Arts was so low that he allowed the Dark Lord to grow on the back of his Head. A recipe for poor self-image indeed!
Professor Lockhart's grossly inflated sense of Grandiosity and need for attention not only doomed his students to hours of worthless Lectures, he allowed several of them to be Petrified and one Possessed under his Watch. Besides his obvious Narcissism, Professor Lockhart appeared to have absolutely no Magical ability whatsoever. The circumstances of his celebrity Appointment are still shrouded in Mystery and one may wonder how Professor Dumbledore's decades-old rejection from the “Slug Club” may have impacted his Judgment in this Matter…
Professor Lupin actually turned out to be a pretty good “Teacher.” His early departure from the School seemingly stemmed more from interpersonal issues than a Curse. Perhaps he should have “handled His Business” better.* Professor Moody, was oddly also effective. I say Odd, because it turned out that He was actually a crazed Death Eater in disguise. But it is my assertion that Professor Dumbledore should have rehired Professor Moody for a second Term: Fake Moody, that is, which I know sounds Crazy, but he got Results and sometimes we have to look at the bottom line!
Inflicting the cruel Professor Umbridge upon her students was a Curse in and of itself. Those Kitten Plates stunk! They were worse than her Quill and we were all Happy to see her go. That was a blessing for Hogwart's and probably not at all what Lord Voldemort had in mind when he Cast his Curse. That brings us to this year and Professor Snape, who seemingly wanted the job so Badly. Yet it appears that all of his wheedling, backstabbing and behind-the-scenes horsetrading will all be for Naught as I can hardly picture him lasting the rest of this Term. His teaching style is less about Defense methods than about his personal Defense mechanisms. He has elevated the Projection of his own Nastiness to an art form. And, don’t hate me, Professor, but you just don’t seem all that Knowledgeable on the subject. Unless your idea of dealing with the Dark Lord is to put him in Detention for all Eternity.
So in Conclusion, it is hard for me to accept that the Failure of our DADA teachers over the Years is truly the result of any Dark Curse imposed by You-Know-Who. Sure, he may have been in the back of the Minds of some of our Professors (well literally, in the case of Professor Quirrell), but they all had their own Unique and Personal motivations that caused them to leave their post. I would like to think that with adequate screening provisions in place, many of these poor Candidates would have been rejected early on in the hiring process. To that end, I feel that Ultimate responsibility lies with Professor Dumbledore, not the Dark Lord. I believe it was Our Headmaster's own Unconscious longing for the DADA position himself that led him to Sabotage the post by hiring a bunch of Incompetent Chumps.
August 15th, 2009, 1:14 pm
The Pixies, the Moste Evile Beings
Pixies are the worst creatures ever. They are very rude, and their mannerisms bother me. And they’re blue! What kind of creatures are blue? Blue creatures are automatically evil in my eyes. Especially because their blue is so brigh! Gosh! I think the original pixies decided that they were going to raid a neon sign store and cause an exploseon- that’s why they’re electric blue. Plus its obvious there evil becuz they made a store explode! Pixies must be evil.
And they like to tease people. We saw some of them in class one day and they bit my best friend and ate her pencils. That was really mean becuz she had to buy those pencils special from Paris. That’s in Russia. So it’s real far away. And they remind her of her trip there. So now she doesn’t got nothing to remind her of the trip. Not cool. I want to replace them for her but Paris is so far away I cant get there. And they were blue so they might remind her of the traumatic experience. Pixies made my friend really upset and that is really not cool in my book. That’s another reason why they’re so evil.
But what makes them the most evilest creatures ever is the way they fly around. They are uncatchable! I tried to catch them, and they caught me by my sleeve and picked me up and flew around carrying me. I don’t like heights so I was really scared and even though I was flailing around trying to get away from it the pixie just went faster and faster. At some point they stopped and just started spinning me around and around and around and around until I got really dizzy and almost threw up thrice. I did not like it one bit. Messing with other people is one thing, but this was personal. Pixies are the most evil creatures in the whole entire universe and galaxy ever!
August 15th, 2009, 1:14 pm
Horrorcrustes- Curse, or Blessing?
I think that the Horrorcrustes are a good thing to do. I wanna live forever? yea? so yea. i man, none gets how a crusty little thing will help you live forever, but yea. none knows, not even me. and im smart. In my essey, i will explain how its made, and y its not so bad.
First, like, you gotta kill something. like a ant. i like ants. they are so cute and tiny. once i had a pet ant named timmy. timmy was awesome. timmy is a good name. i gotta cousin names timmy. cousins are great. so you kill the ant. or butterfly. but thats mean. i always get bullied by mean butterflys. tney attack me. i was once attacked by my uncle bill. i turned him into a butterfly. he got his friends to attack me. after u kill the thing watever u want, then you do somee magic junk. and some crusty horror comes up. you put the crusty horror in some boot or something, somethin that has atrioutious value to you. so yea. then u make a horrorcrust. i would make one. but i dont no any spells. i ferget em. a lot. im hungry. like a kangeroo in a purple bathtub.
There is nothing wrong with makin a horrorcrust. like i said. i would make one. i will. but i dont like killing ants. or butterflies. or kangeroos. or stuff. still. theres nothing wrong with it. everyone steps on ants. i do accidently. my imaginary unicorn jerry fries them. and then eats them with chocolate. i like chocolate. its good. but yea. i like it. so jerry kills them. jerry can make a horrorcrust. people might not like making them because of the crust. but crust isn't that bad. the muggls think that there is crust we live on. we wizrds no better. we live on bread. thats why we are good. we live on some good bread. do u like bread? i like bread. with cheese. cheese is good. i love me some cheese. the crust on horrorcrustes is like crust on bed. then you put it into the atriotious thing of great value to you. my mom says i am of scarce value. i tell her thank you. scarce means lots. i got lots of value. dont i. yea, thanks. jerry says i do, so did timmy. before jerry ate him. horrorcrustes also arent bad because with them we can live forever. and eat more cheese. i love cheese. i said that. i say it again. HAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAA NIFFLER!
it would b good to live forever. if some bad guy like YOU KNOW WOO came around and tryed to kill me. he couldnt. he has a funny name. i like funny names. he might b yea. he couldnt kill me, or anyone. because we all like the crust. and cheese. and horrorcrustes. why do u think its evil? so you hav to kill someonething. evil pl like unw would kill people. i would kill ants. ants are awesome.
so yea. this is why horrorcrustes are awesome. not bad. cheese. ants are awesome BYE JERRY! TATA TIMMY!!
August 15th, 2009, 1:14 pm
The Dark Arts, Why DO They Exist
If there werent any Dark Arts then the bad guys would invent some anyway, and then the good guys wouldnt know how to fight them and they wold take over and that would be bad.
There was this one bad guy, Grumblewart or something, and back then Prof Dumbeldore was young and a HERO and he was all 'I know what youre doing, and thats really bad, Wrinklefold, so I am stopping you' and he was all zap, pow, poof, wham, and made him go to jail. Then there was no really bad guy until later when there was YOU-KNOW-WHO and then Prof Dumbeldore was too old to be a HERO anymore, but thier wasnt anybody who was a HERO so YOU-KNOW-WHO was all killing people and being mean and stuff. But then there was this Harry Potter who was just a baby but when YOU-KNOW-WHO tried to kill him he didin't die but YOU-KNOW-WHO was gone after that, but nobody knows how he did it, and he was too young to be a HERO so he didn't remember.
Marcie told me that Pooter didnt even remember he was who he was until Hogwarts since he got stuck with some weird muggle people and they dint tell him. But then he was here and he knew more, but still doesnt remember the stuff about YOU-KNOW-WHO ewen though it would be really good if he did.
But David was saying that maybe Potter is maybe a YOU-KNOW-WHAT or is maybe going to be cause maybe he used Dark Arts to beat YOU-KNOW-WHO and maybe he maybe really remembers but isnt telling since then he would get caught. Plus he knows parsleytongue, which is a Dark Arts kind of thing, and I know that for a fact because of the Doolling Club, even though I didnt go, Louisa was there cause she liked Lockheart and she saw what happened and how he was talking in parsleytongue and stuff, so its a true fact. And Everybody thougt so too.
But Philip said after that even though it was true it wasnt really and that Potter really is a HERO and he saved people and stuff. I dunno but Michael was saying that if Potter was a HERO hed get better marks and stuff and I think so since a HERO has to be good at stuff and probably should be older too, but not too old like Prof Dumbeldore though. But then Laura said that Potter must be a HERO since he beat YOU-KNOW-WHO and Malfoy hates him and stuff.
I dunno is hes really a HERO, he has a cool scar, but he's kinda short.
So thats why we need Dark Arts so we can have HEROs otherwise everybody would either be bad guys or dead and stuff.
August 15th, 2009, 1:15 pm
you know this is a stoopid essay its obvios why n that curse cant be stoped its cause all the teachers in this place are rubbish like once magonagal was like did u shut that boy in the cupboard and I was like I never did nuthin but she didn’t belive me cause shes such a **** witch she couldnt even like read my mind and stuff like voldermort culd how ever culd a person like that ever break a cures made by such a powerfull wizard yeah no way i mean they culdny even make a cursze like that let along break 1 maybe snape cause hes like slytherin head so he you know knows stuff that’s actully woth summit and that and you mn know je can tell when ur lieing which is kindaq lame but still it shows he knows **** and hes the best teatcha to no dat stuff he dont punish you you know if your like just teasing some stupid grfyfindor he knows like they deserv it and that so yeah maybe he could break it but ya knmow why bother t when they wont even g9ve him ther job and make jghim teach potions and that just so he mite 1 DAY HAVE SUM SORTA CHANE of gettibg the job je wants you know he could help out but qhy should he help the guy thats like his rival and stuff qam bored nopw dont get why we have to write this stupid thing anywau its not liek its gonna count to out owls or nwhatever and even if it did its not likke its anything wes going to use agan like all that stuf hagrid teach us if you can call it teaching its all just likmer look at thojs creatire and stuff edvenm if we wanted to work with creetiures its not like anything hwe tells us os gonna be any help cause he never reallyb tells us stuff no wonder the teachershere cant life that awsoem cerse when thay let people like hagrid teach us he hasnt erven got owls for merlins sake they might say dumby is the best wizard of our age but that dont really say much do it if most wizaerds are so rtuvvish thay cant even life a simpal curse right and you know if he thinks wizardds like hagrid are good then he must be pretty rubbish surely i must have enough inchis by now maybe i should just writ really big aned fill up the space that way cause theres like nothing else to say and im so boooooooooored i could be doinh some thing i want like i dunno eating or some thin like dat pretay much anythin would be preferable to this lameness i bet some people are even taking this rubbisg serious like that stpid mudblood girl who always writes more than she needs to stuck up cow thinks shes beta than everyone else just cause the tgeachers like her yeah that should be enough trime to stop
August 15th, 2009, 1:15 pm
Horcruxes: Not necessarily a bad thing
Firstly, I would like to say if Im completely honest with you, I do not think Horcruxes are a bad thing, so to speak. I mean, murdering someone has got to be pretty darn cool, don't you think? You do don't you!? Admit it! Sorry, back to the topic. So yes, I do think Horcruxes are very mysterious. If it's good enough for what's his face, it's good enough for me.
The reason I say they aren't so bad is because I imagine them to be quite refreshing. You're body must be tired dragging that soul around with it every single day, why not use logic and share your soul with different objects, therefore taking a bit of responsibility off your body. It makes perfect sense. Plus, for those looking to weigh a little bit less, surely sharing their soul would make them lose a few. I mean, how much does a soul weigh? Im guessing around 2/3lbs max. So reducing the amount of soul in your body will surely make you drop a few, so horcruxes could also work as a healthy diet plan.
Furthermore, as well as using them as a diet plan, it would be very cool to have fragments of your soul dotted all over the place, especially when it comes to rejoining them all again. It'd be like dot to dot, which lets be honest, is always a fun game!
More so, you could swap bits of souls with friends to make an entirely different soul - always handy if you're bored with your own I imagine! Another fabulous reason why Horcrux aren't neccessarily bad as much as they are misunderstood.
Progressing on, Horcruxes make you live forever. And who doesn't want to live forever, I ask you! There is the small matter of actually murdering someone, but there are painless ways. In their sleep, for one thing. And besides, if nobody sees you commit the murder, you're not responsible for it anyway, everybody knows that. A crime is only a crime when it's witnessed. Otherwise, it's nothing more than an act. So just make sure you aren't seen and technically you didn't do it.
Lastly, if you really are one of those over emotional people who think killing is "so wrong and terrible!" then GET OVER IT! Just joking! You could always kill someone who is going to die anyway. Everyone is going to die (apart from the clever ones who think of Horcruxes ;) ) so why not speed it up for them? Infact, speeding up their death is doing them a favour. And they can always come back as a ghost (like good ol' saint Nicky!!) so all isn't lost!!
In conclusion, making Horcruxes isnt such a bad thing. You know it, I know it. Read above for evidence as to why it isn't a bad thing.
August 15th, 2009, 1:16 pm
How to Counter-Curse a Counter-Curse
Gringott's Bank is a bank for wizards. There are several of these banks around the world. They are considered to be the safest places in the world to keep valuables even though the bank looks like it might fall down.
The main reason they are safe is because of the goblins that are employed there along with a few wizards...some of who are curse breakers. Goblins are these really short, ugly creatures that have really long fingers and feet. Once you get past the ugly, you'll find that they have really bad tempers too! They are so suspicious and are always on the lookout for thieves who want to steal things that aren't theirs. Because of this, these goblins have many enchantments, curses and traps at their disposal.
When one enters these banks they are usually quite alarmed to see the vast number of these creepy little creatures. The majority of these goblins sit on really high stools at very long counters where they weigh gold, fill in ledgers of deposits and withdrawals. They also give the "gopher goblins" instructions on which vaults to visit. As an extra measure of security, the goblins have placed a curse on these counters to keep people from stealing gold and jewels when a goblin has to turn his back on a customer. A high-pitched alarm will sound that only goblins can hear when a wizard reaches across the counter. This is known as a counter-curse.
Goblins even use these crude devices called Probity Probes to detect people in disguise. It has been rumored that they use these probes where the sun doesn't shine. One can only hope that they never have to go through this means of identification!
Despite all of the enchantments and security features these long fingered magical creatures have in place, there are those people who should have greed as their first name. There are the occasional times when these people think the rules don't apply to them or they think that they are all that and a bag of galleons! If they are smart enough they would not try to break into vaults below the floors of Gringott's because there are even more security features and enchantments that you can throw a wand at. A good thief should just stick close to the doors.
This very incident occurred back in 1858 when a man named Justus Fletcher, the author of "Thievery Moste Cunning" and a retired curse breaker for Gringott's, decided to test his cunning, magical abilities by robbing Gringott's.
Justus entered Gringott's and approached a goblin who was weighing an incredible quantity of gold at the long counter. As the goblin turned his back to gather sacks to fill with the gold, Justus saw his opportunity. He cast the non-verbal counter-curse "Silencio Alarmicus" and quickly grabbed the gold. He made his way to the front doors, confunded the "guard goblins" and disapparated.
Justus Fletcher is the first man to actually counter-curse a counter-curse and live to tell the tale.
August 15th, 2009, 1:20 pm
How to Counter-Curse a Counter-Curse
Countering a counter course is very difficulting task for one people. This I tell not only because of only one cause. Many many cause there to proving this statemant. When no talking spells are using the toughing is more there. We will started with the first curse. When it is cursing there only a very small second behind you thought of countering it. Already the head is in a very very confusing situation and above that he also facing one eneme who trying to kill him. This becomes very dangerous posishion. In this pososhion it would be difficulting to thought about what to doing to countered it.Mono possible solution for that is to play hide and seek with your eneme all the time thoughting about the counter curse. Once the counter curse arrives in your already full brain, use that. Now this can lead to two scenarios – one eneme might have changed his/her curse by then. Os your curse is no longer useful. But in the event that the eneme is also counfusing brain, then you are in lucky. But sometimes this may lead to the eneme using a counter curse for your counter curse. For this the eneme has to first know the incantation for the counter curse. And also that particular one it has to be for. Not any counter curse. Now that he knows the counter counter urse, he has to try no talking spell so that it is dificulting for his eneme. I think I made it clear who is the eneme is.
Next is the wand moving for the counter counter curse. The moving of the wand is very complex here. By complex it means not very simple and easy. The trick is to no talkingly tell the curse and then move your want at the single time. No talkingly telling is optional, but it gives you the broken second advantage over the eneme. The cause of this is the eneme is no talkingly trying to tell curse. But if you are not no talkingly telling counter curse then he can listen to it and change his curse or play hide and seek. The moving has to be perfectly doing in order for good result. The wand has to be twirled in exact opposite direction for the effect. For more results, the wand can be moving clockwice once, aunty clockwice twice and repeat.
The incantation is also simple. Ths can be explanin in an example. The counter curse of “crucio” is “oicurc”. But in order to counter this again, the countering is simple. Reverse the letters in the same order but before that broke it into two thus reducing the strength of the original curse, that giving the solvent as “ciocru”. The same can be doing with other cursings two.
August 15th, 2009, 1:20 pm
Boggarts and Their Use in Birthday Parties
I went to a really neet birfday party last week. Gorgan, the Mountain Troll was turning 125 and his mommy wanted to do something speshul.
So, they rented a couple of buggerts and it was really fun. They turned into clowns, and vishush animals, like hippogriffs and dragons. Gorgan got his butt burnt by one of the dragons. We all laughed very loud because it was funny when he runned around trying to get somebody to pour water on him. But, when we laughed, the buggart changed from a dragon to a bucket of water, and Gorgon sat on him!
Buggarts can be a lot of fun. Since trolls ain't scared of much, it don't matter what they changes into, we laugh at them just because it makes 'em mad. When they gets too upset, they can't change right. Trillard, Gorgon's bestest friend made his buggart turn into a werewolf. When we started laughing he started changing and then we stopped and he got stuck between half werewolf and half kitty cat. Then he started chasing himself around in circles. The harder we laughed the faster he ran. But, he never caught himself.
We waited until Findy, one of the girl trolls, was eating her birfday cake (which Gorgon's mommy made out of pickled warty toads and covered with pretty green tree moss) so we could surprise her. Findy had a big mouf full of cake and we set the buggart down next to her so she would spit her cake out all over it. But, Findy is so ugly that she scart the buggart and it runned away. That wasn't no fun, so we all took pieces of birfday cake and throwed it at Findy. I never seen nobody eat cake so fast.
If you want to rent a buggart, be really careful. The really good ones are hard to find, and some of those wizards who rent them will cheat you and send one that don't change into nuffin' good. But, if you can find a good one, it will be a lot of fun.
One more thing. If the buggart turns into a warty toad, don't hit it wif your club. Buggarts ain't very much fun after they get sqwooshed.
August 15th, 2009, 1:20 pm
Why the Dark Arts Exist
Aahh – Ze Dark Arts. La Magie Noire. What would we do wizout zem? From the times anybody can remember, zere have been witches riding brooms, living with black kats, casting devil spells, trapping poor die-able men. Zere have been black wizards like Grindie and Voldie. Dark Arts are great things. Best invention of Magie Noire.
Without the Dark Arts zere would be no DADA professeurs and we would have been deprived of ze five-time winner of most charming smile, professeur Crève-Coeur. Me devastated would be. Me still have a pixie from that first lesson. Pixie is me best friend. After me black kat off course. Porfesseur Crève-Coeur very smart man. Steals ideas and make people forget so he can have glory and money. Have to admire such man.
And Crussio Curse! Me much enjoy Crussio. People scream and contort and me laugh. So funny. Professeurs Carrows me favorite people. If black arts did not exist zey would have invented zem, me helping zem.
Black arts exist just so me can play with black cat and pixie, send pixie to put disorder in neighbors houzes. Go to Hogwardz under Head Honcho Snape, torture students with Crussio. Head Honcho don’t like but can’t say nothing. Must keep under coverage. So we Crussio right and left, for any reezon or no reezon. Me said Crussio before? Cannot repeat enough. Great curse, Crussio.
Also with black arts me can follow Black Seigneur Voldie and caress Nagini. Such great snake, Nagini. Kilt that traitor Snape.
With dark arts me can do all sorts of devilry. Talk to Goblins, go meet Orcs. Kill monocorn, cover zeir white hair wiz blood. Nice site tosee.
With black arts me can play cruel tricks on other peeple. Burn zeir howses. Make zem danse till zey drop dead. So much fun.
Me could not live without dark arts. Me could have no fun without dark arts. Zat is why zey exist.
August 15th, 2009, 1:23 pm
Cornish pixys are meny culers but the ones which are most badest are bloo and do horibel thins to you. Thay wuld most likele eet cornish pastys becus that is wot peeple from Cornwel eet but thay culd all so eet Devon becus that is in Cornwel tu.
If yu let cornish pixys owt of a cayg then yud beter be careful becus they pul yor hare and nos. My frend Gregory Goile got punched in the fayss by wun in clas the other day and sed it hert a lot. We al ran away and the Profeser had to cleen up the rume but I think he mayd Harry Potter and his frends do it and it servs them rite for acting so clevr. Thats wot Draco ses anyway.
Cornish Pixys ar beter off in a cayg becus that meens thay cant get owt and hert yu but i dont no how they al go to the toylet in the cayg and i supos they wuld hav trubel sleepin becus it wuld be veri crowded in a cayg ther bein so meny of them. Yu wuld hav to poot ther food threw the bars of the cayg and I rekon they wuld make a real mes eetin the pastys and devon so hu wuld cleen up the mes. I rekon Harry Potter and his frends shuld do it seein thay think thay ar so smart.
But if ther wer no Cornish Pixys then we culd eet al the pastys an devon wich is a beter ideer so we hav to get rid of them sum how. We culd yoos magik but i dont no a spel so Draco wuld hav to do it an then we culd eet ther fude an no won wuld hav to cleen up the mes wich is a shaym as Harry Potter an his frends shuld hav to do it al the tyme sins thay think thay ar so smart.
Wel thats al i no abawt cornish pixys. An i think that is 300 werds.
August 15th, 2009, 1:27 pm
Boggarts and Their Use in Birthday Parties
Boggarts are magical creatures that take shape of things we fear most. Which means that if you fear something, when you meat boggart it would take it's shape. Or when you meat something you fear, it will turn into boggart :scared:. Boggarts in nature are silver spheres suspended in middle air. They fead on feer they tent to scare people so they can feed. Boggarts are dark creatures, which mean they live in dark cold places, you can find them between old socks, up house elves nostrils under warlocks top hats. So you should be careful while dealing with hot stuff.
In the wizarding world it's traditional to celebrate ones birthday. a good birthday barty is one witch contains all sorts of magic from charmed cakes to dark magic. Boggarties has been known to paly big role in birthdayparties, they ar good surprisers. they can be used to entertain audience by unleashing one on them. or by hiding them inside birthday cakes or teaspots and watch tue fun as sumone cuts through the cake and find creepy crawly coming from inside or when they pour tea and find maggots instead. :elaugh:
You can use them as birthday presents by including one in present and watch as pour boy opens his gift and find bowtruckel jumping in his face.:evil:
Sometimes they appear uninvited and cause mayhem. They hide in curtains and chandeliers before celebration starts then onc everyone is gift, they start jumping everywhere. Thats where boggarts have avantage, they collect in groups like armies and start taking shape of scary tings that scars the attendants most . In such situations you find variety of strange creatures that may not live or gather in one palace and this is called boggart invasion in such invitation attendance usually scatter and run in avery direction with bogarts monsters behind them, biting off childrens fingers and toes as they go :eeep:.
or you find little number of boggarts, thats were wizards have advantage, the're in great numbers and boggarts get confused and keep stitching from shape to another, sometimes this scare wizards more unles someone controls the situation and fights boggarty. Like what happens with hero mr. Lookhard, this is an extract from the book ' ball with the boggarts ' this sows how to deal with boggarte when he show up in birthday numbers when in small parties.
' before I mocked the door, I straightened my purple silk dress and checked the great amount of signed fhotos in my pocket. a house elv opened and shown me the room where the party was help. as I approached the room i heared load voices and people screamink. I hurryed in sure the cause of the commotion was my obsence I known everybody was looking foryard to see me. As i entered I saw every body on their feet some on chairs and tables ant some cowering in corners i sow the reason of the mayhem. In the meddle of the room was a werewolv crouched and focusing on a child whose mother was whimpering it was time to act i told myself. I pulled out my want careful not to crumble my robers and I walked determinedly to where wherewolf stood drooling. I was aware of everyone's eyes following my actions when I drew nearer from the were- id tisappeared with pop screams renewed and i saw an old man waving his hand at me angrily. I laughed and poindet my wand at it said 'riddikilus' everyone cheered and i had to hand everybody my hotographs...'
Its bean discovered by the great wizard leader of Rotfang conspiracy that most things boggart fear is wizards returning theire visits, thats why he established the hotbang conspiracy whose members specialises in invading boggart birthday parties, the most known member is Ludo Hagman who'd dostroyed seven boggart birthday partes alone.
We conclude alot from those facts, first and most importantly you must never invite Mr. lookhart to your birthday, unless you want to spent the party siting in corner and watching him handing signed photoes. Don't greet warlocks over enthusiastically so they don't start taking off hats in salute and boggarts start jumping everywhere. house elfs nostrils should be cleaned regularly so boggarts won't have chance to dwell their. Before celebration start you should take down certains and chandeliers so boggart armies wouldn't habe chance to hide there. To fight a bogart there's more than one way you can use the tickling charm then squash them, or you can use ridiculous charm invented by Mr. Lockheart. All these instructions must be followed if you love boggarties free partis. If yot dont your parties will go like follows:
:huggles: :birthday: :scared:
August 15th, 2009, 1:28 pm
Horcruxes: Not Necessarily a Bad Thing
Horcruxs R gut :tu: They R kul :cool: Who wouldn’t wanna Horcrux? I cernly do! :agree:
Voldemort had rite idea. Even live as Vapormort beats croaking. An’ Horcrux helped him come back. Back stronger.
If I have Horcruxs I wounna hide them, I keep them near. Camouflage so nobody guess, but not let outta my site. My toad wud be horcrux. My rat wud be horcrux. My watch wud be horcrux. My quill wud be horcrux. My kids would be Horcux. Jus’ like Harry.
So here I go, quill and watch in pocket, toad, rat and kids in tow, roaming the world, killing folks ritet and left, making more horcruxs. Those I would keep in reserve. Near at hand, well guarded. Trolls and giants for that. Mebbe draggons.
Then I’d play around. Cruciating people, terrorizing them, beelding an army, conquering the world. Laffing at those poor folks at Hogwarts and at the Ministry. They afraid of me, can’t do nothin’ to me. Try to kill me, I come back and kill them. There’s just one boy who lived, an’ he’s too busy making useless laws that can’t touch me. I stay away from him. Not afraid of him, unnerstand. But why take the hard way when there’s whole world to play with?
Then I sent one of my kids at Hogwarts. Not in Slytherin, no, too easy. Put him in Gryffindor. Easy to make Sorting Hat put ya where ya want, ya know. Taint Gryffindor with my horcrux kid. Laff at headmistress when she puzzled. Soon, take over all of Hogwarts. Much better than Death Eaters did before. Rot Hogwarts from inside their “best” Howse.
Soon whole of Hogwarts, then all of Ministry under my power. Do what I want. Take what I want. Kill who I want. Nobody can kill me. Nobody can hurt me.
Who wounna wanna Horcruxs? Only crazy “good” people like Aurors and such. Pshaah! Come on, toad, rat, kids. Follow me. I’m better than Dark Lord. I’m Black King of the world. Viva Horcruxs!
August 15th, 2009, 1:28 pm
"That Werewolf is my friend!" or How the Dark Arts Saved My Life
I haff a werewolf for a friend
But people won’t unnerstand
That werewolf has changed my life
That’s why I became his wife
You see I was walking one night
Where the moon was clear and bright
The werewolf gave me one bite
That’s how I became his bride
Yes that was love at first bite
Love and dark entered my life
Without the dark arts you see
In my grave there I would be
A Happy Ending, you say?
I’ll answer you “Nay, nay, nay”
That story made too much sense
You should know it’s a pretense
The real story is too complex
It would give you a headache
It has no beginning nor end
But you have to make a stand
The werewolf bit my best friend
To our friendship that was the end
I had to change the story
To something that is silly
Silly and funny if I can
But I have no fun at hand
The story just rambles on
Even I can’t follow up it on
The werewolf he laffed at me
He said you really are a ninny
A rhyming ninny for sure
With a heart that’s true and pure
True and pure won’t help you here
‘Tis the land of darkness and fear
As long as the moon is bright
I’ll keep you here in my sight
Your friend will become like me
Oh how lonely you will be
Lonely’s all right, says I
As long as I have my life
Then my friend she sprang at me
Laffing like mad, hee hee hee
Dark Arts will only save your life
If you will go through strife
I said I don’t wanna fight
But I still don’t want you to bite
Just want to live normally
That’s not much to ask, really
There isn’t much else to tell
Coz now in a swoon I fell
But I don’t care you see
Now that I’ve got words hundred times three :lol:
August 15th, 2009, 1:29 pm
Boggarts and Their Use in Birthday Parties
I think boggarts are like totally useful at birhtday parties. like, last month I was at this party for amy’s birthday and like I realy didn’t want to go but jessie was like “OMG!!! We so have to go to this party!” and I was all “like, why?” and then she was like “Cos amy’s brother ben is like totally hot and he has his own magic carpet!!” She was like so egsited so I said I’d go even tho amy’s brother ben isn’t hot - I mean his nose is like hooge and his hair is frizzy! But she did come to shane’s party last year cos I thot he was cute and she got us talking and he asked me out and it was really great and omg he is like the best kisser in the whole world like ever egsept for kevin that I went out with ages ago and then he broke up with me cos he said I was too shallow and had less brain cells than a poodle which is totally stupid cos last week I told jessie that if she studied for her potoins test she might pass and jessie was like “woah that’s so deep” and my sister has a poodle that’s so smart it can pick it’s jumper to match her outfit.
So we like went to the party and was like so totally boring. I mean the music was so bad and everyone was talking to eachother all smart instead of getting drunk and dancing which is like so the whole point of parties. Anyway I drank a hole bottle of firewhisky and then I passed out and I had this dream where me and shane went into his wardrobe to get some privacee so we could you know and then my grangran came out and started screeming that my dress was too short and tite and that I was being disrespektfull of myself and it was like totally scary cos she died 3 years ago and then it turned into shane’s girlfreind and she kept crying and saying “I can’t beleive you cheated on me” and then jessie came in and it turned into a cow and kept mooing at us all and it was really funny and then I woke up and I kept laffing cos all I could think of was the cow.
And then I decided that I’m going to have a party and invite all the people I don’t like so I can find out what there afrade of and I can fatmail them and then I’ll be the most popular girl in hogwarts and shane will be totally like wow and he’ll ask me out and that would be like the greatest thing ever so I think boggarts would be really useful in birthday parties.
August 15th, 2009, 1:30 pm
Horcruxes: Not Necessarily a Bad Thing
Horcruxes -- or horcrux because really, you could just use horcrux as the plural form of the word -- are those nasty little -- or big, they could be big, you could use a dinasour that's been brought back to life as a horcrux and nobody would notice -- things that someone puts part of their soul into. After they've killed somebody, of course. Now, you think that killing is bad -- and it is -- but you could get eternal life with a horcrux! Keep on going, keep on living, and then, you could save lives too. Either that or you could just become famous by creating an in-space banana dance. Really, though, why would you do that? Anyways, you could go and save lives and save the world a couple times over too. That and other worlds because really, there could be other planets in the universe. We could all be aliens too, us wizards. Or the humans could be. Oh, no, is that a muggle metaphor? Aren't wizards humans too? Darn, I've gotten off topic again. Back to the subject, we could kill one person, split our soul, and then go on to save thousands of other lives. Really, we could just do that. One life for thousands of others. But then of course, you could fail saving lives and waste away the rest of your eternal existence as a couch potato in front of one of those muggle televison sets. So, Horcrux could be a bad thing. Or, it could be a good thing. It really just depends on who is creating the Horcrux, why they are creating it, and even more important... why in the world do Horcrux even exist? You foolish wizard from beyond the grave or however you say it, or wherever you are, you created those nasty horcrux and gave Voldy power and... oh, I give up!
The point to this is, Horcruxes could be bad and could be good. It just depends on who is creating the Horcrux and for what purpose. Keep in mind, though, you are still killing to create a Horcrux so, beware.
August 15th, 2009, 1:30 pm
The Dark Arts: Why do they exist?
The Dark Arts: Do they exist. Letus imagine the possibilities. Do any ofus really exist? Does this paper really exist or is it what you imagine my paper be like? For that matter, do I exist or am I just what you imagine a student in your class would be like? Or am I just imagining you imagining what a student in your class would be like?
I mean you may think that you are reading my paper but are you really? Are the words on this paper really mine or are they just a bunch of words that have been put into my head by a bunch of mindless automatons who are themselves being controlled by society as a large and told what to teach to children for their own good.
Good. What is good. Does good exist orisit just the perception of acting in a way that is acceptable to society? Is there really any way to be truly accepted by society or areweall just flopping around gasping for air as the automatons circle around us forcing us to conform and fit out squarepeg into their roundhole.
What if that round hole is suffocating the squarepeg. What if that square peg can’t wrap its head round being in a roundhole?
Really what’s so great about roundholes/pegs anyway? You take the peg out and set it on the table all by itself and it rolls of the table onto the floor. All by its self. Maybe someone bends over, picks it back up and puts it back on the table. Maybe someone bends over and picks it back up and puts it back in the roundhole. What was so bad about being on the floor anyway? At least on the floor it was open to new and different experiences, even if it was a little bit afraid to be down there all alone. But maybe someday another roundpeg would roll of the table and fall onto the floor to keep it company.
Of course it could not be the squarepeg because the square peg and four corners and can’t roll of the table to be with the round peg. In fact the squarepeg cannot move at all by itself. It has to rely on some mindless automaton coming around and moving it to the next roundhole and the next and the next until finally you end up in a squarebox.
Think of all the other lovely shapes that the peg could be: a starburst; then you can pretend you are up high in the sky looking down upon the world imagining all the possibilities, a diamond; diamonds are so shiny, a hexagon; I love those shapes. They look like little houses, a triangle; that would be so lovely. Triangles make the loveliest little tinkling noise when they are played. I think they are the best instrument in the whole world.
But do triangles and their pretty little tinkling sound really exist or is that just the way I imagine them to sound? The same way that I imagined that this paper was done and now it is and I didn’t even have to write really big or make extra wide margins or anything. I imagine that know it all Hermione Granger had no trouble writing her paper. She was probably mad that she could only make it 800 words long or at least that is how I imagine her to be.
So in summery the Dark Arts exist because you think they do. I dont so for me they dont. Another thing that doesn’t exist is Voldermort. I mean what a stupid name and all those things that my parents told me he did. :lol: way too crazy to have actually happened. I think that Moldy Voldy is just something that parents made up to scare us into doing our homework and keep us from staying out too late. OOH hes got red eyes and can red your mind. Yeah right. If he was this all powerful wizard how come he was defeated by a little baby? I mean I have met the kid. Hes some second year with a scar on his forhead. He doesn’t look like he could defeet a hairbrush let alone a “dark wizard” as a baby.
NargelsandWackspurts. I met this girl, Luna Lovegood. Shes in Ravenclaw so she must be smart even if people call her Looney. She showed me some articles in the Quibbler and you know that everything in the newspaper it has to be true and Luna has glasses and when you put them on you can see the nargles.
August 15th, 2009, 1:31 pm
Title - THAT WEREWOLF IS MY FRIEND! March 16,1999
This is my essay on why the Werewolf gets a bad reputation . First a little history about them. The Werewolf is found worldwide though it is believed to have originated in Northern Europe . A Human is turned into a Werewolf by being bitten by a Werewolf during the full moon. The victim then will carry the Werewolf curse for the rest of the victims life. The Werewolf is a most unusual magical creature in that it doesn't technically exist except for a brief period of time each month around the full moon ,for the rest of the month the victim is a normal human being .
However the department of the Ministry of Magic that regulates Werewolves under the werewolf code of 1637 conciders any person who has been bitten by a Werewolf to be a Werewolf even when they are in their normal human form. To the ministry the victim is a Werewolf even if the victim isn't in the form of a Wolf. Now it is true that a Werewolf when its transformed is a truely fearsome beast , all trace of human awareness fades away and the Werewolf will attack any human it can find weather they are Wizard or Muggle . It will attack its best friends just as readily as a stranger. One thing that sets a Werewolf appart from any other fantastic magical creature is that the Werewolf actively seeks humans in preference to any other kind of prey.
The transformation is said to be painfull in the extreme for the Werewolf curse victim however modern potion making has come up with a draught called the Wolfsbane Potion which controls some of the worst effects of the Werewolf condition. The downside of the Wolfsbane Potion is that it cannot be made by the average Wizard it takes an expert Potions maker to make it .There has been some evidence recorded that a Werewolf victim who has been taking the Wolfsbane Potion for a few months will not transform at moon rise but will only transform when hit by the moons rays .
It is my opinion that the Wizard world is wrong to segregate Werewolves and to make laws that make it nearly impossible for them to get and hold onto a job. In my first year here at Hogwarts we had a Professor here at Hogwarts who was a Werewolf his name was Professor Lupin and he was a great teacher who taught us Defence Against the Dark Arts . I found him to be very nice and I was very sad when he gave up the position . I concidered him to be a friend then and still do today.
August 15th, 2009, 1:32 pm
Horcruxes: Not Necessarily a Bad Thing
So horcruxes don’t have to be like a bad, yucky thing, ok? Cuse I mean I could kill like a really bad person like a criminal to make one or I could just kill a really annoying jerk that wouldn’t be bad either. But if I did make one I would totally like live forever and that would be awesome cause if I lived for a really looong time maybe I would discover something super important like the 12 magical uses of Hippogryff poop. I mean, who knows right? Really awesome smart persons should make a few horcruxs just incase something happens to them while you’re experimenting and they blow up. Ouch! That’s not good either I guess. The world totally needs smart people so they shouldn’t have to die or get hurt and stuff.
And besides. Like who wants to die. That can’t be very fun or exciting. Sure I would have to kill someone to make one but it’s okay cause I would be doing the world a favor by killing um… a crminal jerk. So you know horcruxes can’t be all bad if we’re getting rid of bad people and discovering new thing like butterbeer curing hairloss That would be something, right?
So um in conclusion….horcruxes aren’t really evil if you want to make the world a better, cooler place by making them. Oh, and think we could make a building just to store the horcruxes and that would create jobs and stuff cause people would have to watch them. That’s a neat idea, seriously. So really I think if people just thought about it for like awhile they would definity see my amazing point. And maybe it would put a stop to like murdering totally innocent people cause those people would have horcruxes so it would be pointless to kill them I think. So yeah just kill criminals and maybe some annoying people that nobody likes anyway and the Wizarding World will be a amazing place in the future and we will totally discover the secrets on bowtrunkle breeding that will make it so people don’t need eyeglasses or something.
August 15th, 2009, 1:35 pm
Boggarts and Their Use at Birthday Parties
To mekk shew ur berthdey pahtee is a suksess and give u gud laffs, nuthin’ werks like a boggart in a klozet. U ken lern a lot abowt ur frends that way. Then eemadjin what u ken do once u know what skares ur frends the most. Oll the sekrets u ken find out. The power that gives u. Awesomme!!
Lemme tell u about the last pahtee we had for my gal frend b’dey. All the gang waz invited. From ev’ry Hogwarts Hows. D’ya know Skorpius is akchally skared of scorpions? Ain’t that a hoot? He waz shakin so bad he kudn’t even say “Riddikulus!” :lol: When he fynally managed it, the boggart had turned into his granny Cissy an’ his gran’ auntie Bella werin’ ballet tootoos.
Anuther frend’s boggart was his dad catchin’ him sneekin’ a bottle of wiski outta the likker kabinett and turning into an exploding toad. Our own unsufferable know-it-all’s boggart was off course HeadMistress McGonagall telling her she got Troll grades in all subjects she took at her OWLS. She dinna manage to make that boggart disappear. :rotfl:
My gal frend, bein’ the b’dey gal, got a free pass. Plus, I donn wanna brake up with her yet. Me, I ducked into the bathrum when it was my turn to face the boggart. I dinna wan’ em to know my werst memory is tryin’ to forge my dad’s siggy on my skul report card coz I got such bad grades I dinna wan’ him to know. By the time I got out, ever’ body had gotten tired of the game, which was gud as far as I’m consserned.
But if you want fun at pahtees, boggarts is a gud choice. U run the risk of some frends not being ur frends any more, though, so mebbe u shud invite frends u wanna get rid of. ;) Bottom line is, boggarts at b’deys pahtees are the best thing u can get if u wanna be unpopular and nobody will accept any of your invites agin. Which is not always a bad thing. And remember, u can use what you lernt abowt ur frends's wers feers to gud effect. :elaugh:
August 15th, 2009, 1:35 pm
Reasons Why a DADA Teacher Can't Lift The Curse On The Subject
Ya know what, main reason is he don’t want to. Who wanna teach a bunch of kids about Dark Arts more than one year? Dark Arts are to be practiced, not taught. Waste of time. :shrug:
Second reason is he put it on in the first place. Tom Riddle, I meen. How can a mere teacher lift a curse put on by the most powerful dark wizard of all time? No way, Jose.
Besides, it’s fun, having a different teacher every year. I gave you the reesons why a DADA teacher can’t lift the curse, now I’m gonna give you reesnos why we the students don’t want the curse lifted. It’s fun having a different teacher every year. Quirrell was creepy but fun in a way. If you weren’t Hermione, Ron or Harry, the troll was a hoot. A-a-and th-th-that stut-stut-stuttering. Played his role well, Quirrell did. How we snickered behind his back, and all the time it was him snickering at the lot of us including oh so smart Dumbledore. Even Albus couldn’t imagine what was behind Quirrell’s head. Literally.
Lockhart was a hoot. Gosh, what a fraud that was, but a fun one. Those pixies! :lol: An’ the duelling lesson! Snape was too lite on him, that was sure. Best thing though was the Obliviate curse. I was glad he was out of the way after a year, though. The gals drooling on him was getting on my nerves.
Moony akchally teached us sumthin, that was pretty cool lurning abowt the Unforgiveables. And then he turned out to be an impostor! Ya have to hand it to young Barty Crouch, he did a darn good job.
And Umbridge! U gotta love Umbridge. Madam Toad, all puffed up. She couldn’t lift a curse even with a forklift truck. An’ she didn’t teach us much at all. Who’d want Umbridge as a teacher more than a day, let alone a year? Only fun thing about her was that quill – if u avoided detention, that is.
All this being said, the real reason no one lifted that curse is that Jo Rowlings didn’t want it lifted. As simple as that. Elementary, my dear Emma Watson! :rotfl:
August 15th, 2009, 1:36 pm
The Daily Prophet Aug 03, 1990.
This is an extract from the Book of How to Counter Curse a Counter Curse by Archibald Andrews, an accomplished author of counter curses for the counter curses. This is an essay Archibald wrote in his 5th year at School for his DADA teacher, Professor Dunder Idiotus Headus. It must be mentioned that Archibald was awarded an Outstanding for this essay.
Professor Archibald has been trying for the last 25 years to secure a position at the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry for the post of DADA teacher. He is unafraid of the curse upon that position, because he knows the counter curse not only to the curse but also to the counter curse of the curse, but the Headmaster is yet to call him for an interview after he received this book as a compliment. Despite several pleading letters from Archibald to Dumbledore, the Headmaster seems unmoved in a cold Dumbledorely fashion. The Professor has not given up, and, is determined to get the DADA position and show his knowledge of how to counter curse a counter curse.
Given below is the essay which got Archibald an Outstanding in his 5th year!
Before one learns how to counter curse a counter curse, one must first know what a counter curse is.
What is a counter curse?
A counter curse is a counter to a curse cast on a person, with intent to duel, harm, kill or even for fun at times (though it’s fun generally for the caster and not for the recipient, it must be added). For example, Levicorpus is a spell cast to hang a person upside down. Liberacorpus is its counter, which cancels the Levicorpus spell and brings the person crashing down on his head, which is not very funny for the recipient. What is the counter curse to the Liberacorpus or the counter spell for the counter spell for the Levicorpus? It is rather simple. It is the Levicorpus again.
Therefore, the Levicorpus, the Liberacorpus and the Levicorpus, to which the counter will again be the Liberacorpus, will continue to go on until successive crashing on the floor breaks the person’s head or if someone comes to save him from the counter curses to the counter curse.
The best way to counter curse the counter curse, is to cast the curse again. For another example if one casts the sectumsempra, one who knows the counter curse will sing the song; but to counter the sectumsempra song, the sectumsempra curse be cast again. Of course, for the Avada Kedavra there is no counter curse, so the best way to counter the no counter curse spell is to make sure that the curse is spot on the first time, or simply repeat the spell, if the opponent summons a centaur statue or a phoenix. They can only do this so many times, before they run for their lives or try and apparate, if they are slightly intelligent.
Curses can be cast in 2 different ways; verbal curses (those which have to be spoken aloud) or spells and non – verbal curses or spells (which are cast non-verbally or silently). Verbal spells are the easiest to counter curse the counter curse for one is simply to recast the spell by shouting the spell again. The same procedure must be followed for the non-verbal curse, only the casting must be done non-verbally.
One must also remain in top physical form, just in case one is disarmed before one can cast the counter curse to the counter curse. If one is disarmed, one must try to summon the wand, while keeping an eye all the time at the opponent, so that he does not cast more spells. If one cannot summon the wand, then the top physical form will come to one’s aid, where one can run away or jump and duck or do both simultaneously (it can be done one after the other, though it takes a few seconds longer than doing both simultaneously which is better); while all the time, trying to escape from the duel. Trying to escape, does not have anything to do with counter cursing a counter curse, but which is something that is prudent to mention here, so that it may be of help if the counter curse to the counter curse somehow is unable to be cast.
The author hopes that this article is helpful in duels where counter cursing the counter curse, will give a wizard an advantage over his opponent.
August 15th, 2009, 1:37 pm
Reasons Why a DADA Teacher Can't Lift the Curse on the Subject
Back when Albus Dumbledore became the headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Tom Riddle (also known as Lord Voldemort) was denied the job of Defense against the Dark Arts professor. Through his rage, he cursed the job, not allowing any teacher to keep the job for more than a year. So how come all the teachers that came and left, however talented they claimed to be, couldn’t lift the curse? Simple—the teachers were cowardly, lazy, and up to no good.
One true sign of cowardice is the stutter, and one professor of Defense against the Dark Arts was famous for stuttering, as well as never leaving the comfort of the Hogwarts’ castle. P-p-professor Qui-quirrel. And that was exactly how he said his name. Also, Professor Quirrel preferred to be isolated in the castle. Rather than risking his life for the good of others with his defensive talents, he stayed hidden in his office, reading books which can only point to cowardice, not bravery.
Another teacher that preferred to stay hidden was Professor Moody, also known as Mad-Eye Moody. Mad-Eye Moody stepped it up (or down?) one, though. Instead of hiding in his office, he stayed hidden in a chest as he allowed a Death Eater to do all the work for him. Yes, it must have been tempting to take an entire year off of work when it was offered, but Mad-Eye Moody should have spent at least part of the year teaching students defensive magic. But who knows what he did in that chest? Probably just sleeping and eating, day after day. It seems as if it was a very nice, laid back life while it lasted.
On the other hand, there was a teacher who did nothing like hiding in his office or even in the castle. It was Professor Lupin, who always wandered around not only the castle, but all of the Forbidden Forest and Hogsmeade, even as a young student. He and his three best friends, known as the Marauders, invented a map of the entire school including secret passage ways. Of course, they did not want other people to use the map so only they and other mischievous persons could access the secrets. Only people who were up to no good, in other words. Professor Lupin was never up to any good, so of course he wouldn’t make the effort to protect others or even lift a curse on his stupid job.
Because of the lack of brave, hardworking, and good Defense against the Dark Arts teachers at Hogwarts, there is still a curse on the job, which is a bad thing. Although the bad teachers deserve it, they will keep dying or lose their job if there continues to be a curse on their job. When will a Defense against the Dark Arts teacher have enough sense to tough the Dark Arts out, get off their lazy butts, and try to do a good deed?
August 15th, 2009, 1:37 pm
Being a Thesis on the Very Important Question of “The Dark Arts – Why Do They Exist?”
In this essay, I will attempt to shed light on some of the much pondered over mysteries of Dark Magic. This essay will try and provide answers to the following questions:
1. What is a Dark Art?
2. By whom is it practised?
3. What are the reasons for its prominence in the Wizarding world?
Finally I will conclude my essay by elucidating my practical efforts to learn about these Dark Arts, and the conclusions I have thence drawn.
Let us first look at how the term “Dark Arts” is defined. “A Complete Glossary of Magical Terms” by Professor M.I. Adeectionary says that a Dark Art is an art whereby a person may cause destruction to other people, by means of heinous tools that would shock us all.
On the same subject, the great academic and philosopher Sigmund Fraud takes a more psychological line – A Dark Art may be used by one who wishes to possess another, take over his mind, cause him to do actions without his own volition, thereby giving root to confusion and widespread loss of life and human dignity. It is this line of thought that I wish to espouse.
Here I introduce my second question of this groundbreaking piece of research. Who then, are the people who like to dabble in Dark Arts and what do they wish to gain from it? One might think that the whackos who want eternal control over the world are the only ones who dabble in Dark Magic. But one would be completely and irrevocable wrong in doing so. Because the author of this essay has proof to show that the average Hogwarts male also interests himself in Dark Magic.
Okay, not average. Far from average. One who leaves others speechless with his god-like beauty might be a better term. One who slays others with one smouldering glance and leaves behind dozens swooning in his wake. One who reduces girls to a gibbering blibbering mass with a single smile. One who has carefully studied the Dark Arts and has cultivated the powers that render millions speechless and robs them of all coherent thought. Yes, I am referring to Sirius Orion Black (Don’t look so shocked professor, I have evidence, as you will find out when you read on).
Before I talk about why such Dark Arts are so prevalent, let me briefly relate my investigation into this matter, as I can sense that people don’t want to believe that the much-beloved Sirius Black is an accomplished Dark Wizard (Seriously people, his name is Black, how much more proof do you need? Siriusly.)
Having been carefully analysing the movements of Sirius Black since he entered this school in the fall of 1971 (Yes professor, I always knew he would turn out so, that is why I’ve been keeping an eye on him), I have five years of data on this despicable creature. I have watched helpless as girl after girl fell prey to his brand of magic. He started out unobtrusively, claiming his first victim just before Christmas in our Third Year, and rapidly accelarating the frequency. Many a times, he tried to turn his power unto me but I was prepared and I was staunch, I bravely held my own. All the while keeping a safe distance so that I could warn the world of the dangers this charlatan posed. (Really professor, that spying incident in the Prefect’s bathroom earlier this year – pure coincidence!)
I have as yet been unable to figure out how to guard oneself against the dangers posed by that Black Lord, unless you are, like me, naturally resilient to the charms of that perfect male specimen. He, and others like him, get their kicks by making rooms of people (and yes, I do mean people) faint. Who needs Avada Kedavra when you could just walk in accidentally, of course, without a shirt on?
I would like to conclude my essay by exhorting my fellow classmates to be like me, and develop a natural resistance to that nasty Black thing and just keep a hundred feet away from him at all times. Meanwhile, since I am already immune, I shall of course continue my studies on this life-threatening matter.
Stay posted for Part II – Being A Thesis on The Very Important Question of “The Dark Arts – Stripping Away the Layers To Examine The Essentials”
*I would really like to say that I mean no disrespect to anyone, particularly that great thinker Mr. Sigmund Freud, I am just writing whatever nonsense comes into my head.
August 15th, 2009, 1:38 pm
HOW TO COUNTER-CURSE A COUNTER-CURSE
(firstly, you’re sujested title is baldly frased and you repeet yurself—you shooda sed “How to curse a counter” OR “How to counter-curse“—you musta fergotted to prufreed but you shood remember for the fyoocher.)
Counter curses are used by many wichs and wizzerds against evil badpeepl Thay are thot to be usseful toolz in the fite aginst dark arts. But I dont think its very helpful to curse a counter; hows it gonna help you fite badpeepl to curse they’re counters????? I mean, whats up with that junk??? But anyhoodleedoo, If your gonna curse a counter, their are lotsa ways to do it. You cood turn them from marbul to linooleyum or cheep notty woodsy kinda stuff, or you can make a lotsa cuts in them. I no if i waasa countr I woodn’t like it if I was cutted up a hole buncha times and stuff. I think it wood hurt my feelengs it if I was alll cutted up and junk n stuff. Itt wood be like noone cairs about me and that aint cool1 You cood also put a curse on the counter so that all the food you make on it taystses reely bad except i meen all the food that the evil purson makes or if they have a houselv hoo maks the food than the houselvs ffood is really gonna be nasty gross with like maggitts and moldy bred and meats that are slimee and rottened-ish and stuff. Boy wood that be yukkyyukkyyukky--ewww! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!! Id like two put that curse on that snoty Hemruine Granger hoo thinks shez so smart just becuz that she gets good gradesand stuff—shez just a big BROWN_NOSER hoo KISSES UP TO THE PERFOESSRSS I HATE HER!!! I dont see wy she hasta beet me on every singel test. Wy dontshe give somwon else a chanse? Altho that Hary pottter she handgs out withis cute—hez got sexy eyez—he shood look at me more and I”d just SOWOON! Butt I hate that Parfati patil lik poizon.!!11!!!111!! Anyhoodleedum, I supoose that you cood also curse a counter so that it wood allways make the potses and caldrens fall off it and spil on the flor andmake a big messs even thow you cood juts scouggiffy it off but it wood stillmakeit reel hard to make dinnur or a burfday cake n just forgett aabout soup! HAHAHAHAHA!! I cn juts see that uglee Panzee pakingsen covrd with boylng hot soop that fells on her whan she trys to cook it! She deserfs it shes so meen and grumpy even if Drac O’mafloy is her firend with his beyooteeful blond har—WATAHOTTY! kiss kiss baybee!!!!!!!!!!! Did you no girls cn goin the bouys dorms butthe boys cant go in ors? HAHAHAHA they cant be trussed but i no that fawwcatt sneeks up into the boys room to see stebbins all the TIME! WOOWOOWOO!!! Anyway, how els wood you curse a counter? let me thinkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk o ya, you cood make al the cabnets underit open and closes all th time so the kichens reely noisiy all the time! No won cood sleep atalll. That wood be fuuny I wanna do that two that snobby mikal croner hoo laffed at me wen i aked him to go to Madman puddyfuts wiv me. Just cuz hes a big qwiddicher guy he things hes so coool, well hez NOT, MR SNOBBUGGER!!!!! You wont play so hot when your so tird you fall of you’re BROOM HAHAHAHA!!!!! You cood also vanesh the countr, but that wood bee BORING—lke that Erny Mcmillions who thinks hes so grate just bcuz his name has “million” in it—im so cool with my numbername NOONE CARES LOOSER!!! evn ifn you ar kinda cute! But you woodnt by me a butterbeer last Hogsmeed weakend so your a LOOSER DUMB POOPYHEAD!!!!! But wahtever anyhoodleehiggyhowdydow, you mite also curse the counteres in the BATHROOM—make the toothburshes tayst like snot, turn the sope into mud or make the sink leek or stuff. You coud get really grossstastic in their! HAHAHAHA!!!! The badpeepl wood proberby think they gotta poltrygyst and then it wood be so funny HAHAHAHA!!!!! i think lik i sad that its stoopid to curse a counter but if you wanna do it, thos ar some ways too do it and stuff.
August 15th, 2009, 1:38 pm
Horcruxes: Not Necessarily a Bad Thing
In this essay I will explain why Horcuxes are not necessarily a bald thing. I will go through the many different things that a horcrux can be - mounted Griffin's heads, Moleskin coats, even people (I have Harry Potters autograph!!) and all of them are not bald. To be honest I'm not exactly sure why hair is an issue here but you set the topics and I just write them because my father said that If I don't pass this class with an O then I'm not getting a new broomstick.
1. Mounted griffin heads. In my opinon one of these would make an excellent horcrux. There pretty scary looking so nobody would want to touch it and because Gryffindor might have gotten his name from them, well nobody would suspect that it was a horcrux because he was (sorry Professor but my ink seems to have gone funny and has changed color of it's own accord) a hero. I was so happy when I got sorted into gryffindor.
2. Moleskin coats. These are really very handy to have as a horcrux because you can carry it around with you!! It's probably best to leave this one at home during the summer because if it gets too sweaty it might fall apart and then where would your bit of soul be?
3. Harry Pooter is perhaps the most famous one of all (did I mention I have his autograph) and he certainly isn't bald. My mum was at school with him and she said that his hair was always a mess. He was a wonderful horcrux because nobody suspected he was one, not even him! I think. Anyway, what I am trying to get across here is that a) he was a horcurx, and b) he wasn't bald. I believe that this meets both of your criterium.
And even if a person does want to have a horcrux that doesn't have a full head of hair, well that's what wigs are for. Actually, just a wig would be a good one too as long as you preserved it right.
In conclusion; horcruxes don't have to be bald although personally I think it would be easier. Maybe that's why Voldemort made Mr Potter one, so he wouldn't have to comb his own hair? But wait, he was bald so it wouldn't have mattered anyway. I'm not really sure sorry.
Bibilography -my crup ate it. Oh look my ink has changed back!!
PS - I really hope I did this right. I need a new broom....
August 15th, 2009, 1:39 pm
Horcruxi: Not Neccessereely a Bed Thing
Ever sins mr Poter deafeated Yoo No Hoo every ones seying horcruxi are a bed thing. Worst kinda dark majic there is.
I meen the keeling part i kinda under stand. Id be like eww. Un less its Sianna Fountblow from fiveth year cos i realy hate her cos she steels every ones boi frends & all!!! Or keel off just the bed guys like that cheek with big soared from the Muggle move-is what was she coaled a gain? Sirusly it cant reely be all that bed.
Like look at horcruxi mr Poter founed, the Ring & Lockit & Die-dum. Just how kewl wood it be to have jewlery like that? Ud never have to warry a bout a partner four Youll Ball a gain just putt them on & open them & then well see whose jellous then miss im the fairrest off them all Fountblow!!!
Or that diarrhee mr Malfoi sleeped in to mrs Poters coldron in firsth year. They sad it was charmed with Yoo No Hoos soull and mrs Poter had to do that nasty writhing on the wall staff butt i think their just lieing. I think mr Poter was jellous that she had a qute quilfrend & desided to brake them up or sum thing. I no i wood.
Halflepuff one i dont reely care a bout butt i bet mrs Le Strange saved like hips off Galeons on selfheeting cofee muggs. May bee we can get one four hour teechers or sum thing cos i no sum off them get reely up set when there cofee gets coaled.
All rite so Naggin•E wasnt the qutest pet & the millking thing was yaky & if i had to hyde one peace off my soull id probabbly use a hippogrief or sum thing cos they can flie a way & all butt i steel think its beter than steeking it in to mr Poter.
At leest Naggin•E woodnt hex U to Kingdom Cross four it. Rite?
August 15th, 2009, 1:39 pm
Pixies – Evile Kreachers
Nnnnggggg. Kevelgabarb, mmmmmmnnnnnnnnnnn….Sorry, must speech like humannssss. Excoos me, magick club. >THUMP<
Oh dear, oh dear, there is nothing like a good whack to the temple with a troll club to clear the wits. As I was trying to articulate, pixies are highly underestimated in the sheer roguishness of their existence. Do not let size fool you. After all, I have gargantuan proportions and I am far from evil. I am just a mountain troll with an incredible method of communicating with hummmanssss….
Gonablaranon! Nnnngggg….speech, go…where club? Hurtsss, to youse club. Need to warn…pixies! >WHACK<
Where was I? I struck myself quite soundly this time. You see, despite their diminutive size, the pixies have set a course that marks them as the supreme evil. Those vile creatures have spread throughout my mountain domain and are now creating havoc among the magical creatures by destroying the food that unicorns and gargamels eat. Soon, there will be no forage left for any of the creatures and then what will we do? After all, pixies do not look evil, but theyyyyyyyyy beee evile kreachers!
Mmmmmrrrrooooooon, pixies…dry troll boogers, snnarlwwooolll,….>KAPOW<
Dreadfully sorry about that, but as I was saying, the vile creatures, pixies, have a tendency to be quite disruptive to troll physiology. The most pressing issue is their impact on our nasal passages, effectively drying them up, leaving us susceptible to the worst kind of hay fever. Something has to be done about these pixies. They tend to fool humannnnnnnnnnnnnsssssssssssssssssssss…
Gacklewhiz! Mvremsnup. Nnnnnggggg….pixies lie…….not good, bad….mowrmowr….>CRACK<
I say, these constant blows to my temple are going to leave a mark, but as a troll, it can only improve my looks. As I was saying, pixies seem to have left humans with the impression that they are nothing more than a common nuisance, which is just the thought they wish to convey. We trolls know much better. If left unfettered, the pixies will become the most powerful dark creatures on the planet. The source of their powersssssssssssssssss….Rawr!
As I was saying, pixies feed on the mucous discharged from our nasal cavity. This mucous contains powerful magic, rendering the pixies able to conjure most dark spells. You have been warned! Do what you need to dooooooooooooo….gabbor!
NNNNGgggggggg….go now…….shorlaighte….no more write….gaooor…silly humansssssssss….hobobobobobo…..head hurts.
August 15th, 2009, 1:40 pm
Boggarts and Their Use in Birthday Parties.
Birthday parties are fun and should have boggarts in them specially if people have boggarts that are scary or funny to the rest of us.
If you are like Ron Weasley and are scared of spiders like my great aunt Phenella Grimshaw who is terrified of spiders and snakes and even cockroaches and screams whenever she sees them. She doesn't like rats or mice either and her magic ability freezes up every time she see one of them. Great aunt Phenella is a really lovely person though and always gives me nice presents for my birthday and Christmas. Anyway I don't know what her boggart would really be seeing as she has so many fears which could be why her hair is really white and also smells like lavender and in fact wears a lot of clothes that colour too.
Anyway boggarts can be really fun sometimes too if you aren't really scared of anything which I reckon Draco Malfoy isn't - he's not even scared of Professor Snape but a lot of the rest of us are - especially Neville Longbottom who is so scared that I reckon that Professor Snape is his boggart though I reckon he is also scared of his grandmother as well. She seems pretty scary seeing she wears some weird clothes and sends Neville howlers quite a bit. I reckon Neville should be in that duffer house Huffepuff really but then I don't think Gryffindors are that clever either unless you count smartypants Grainger.
Anyhow I reckon boggarts would make a good party game at a birthday party because we could all have a good laugh at other people's expense. Of course I would never join in this game in case I made a fool of myself and then people would laugh at me. You would also need a nice cupboard or something for the boggart to live in. A vanishing cabinet would be no good as the boggart could disappear and come out somewhere else and not turn up at your birthday party at all and you wouldn't know where they were. Boggarts seem to like old cupboards and my great aunt Phenella has some that boggarts would like. They have been in our family for years but my mother reckons they would attract wood worm and doesn't want any in our house so we have modern plywood cupboards in our house and no boggarts seeing as they don't seem to like living in those types of cupboards.
So boggarts would be great fun at birthday parties jus t so we could have a laugh at other people's fears just so long as they weren't our own fears and we weren't clever enough to turn the boggarts into something funny. Sytherin's would be very good at this game and nobody would dare laugh at us.
August 15th, 2009, 1:40 pm
the pixies the most evileset beings
English muggles used to like digging a lot becos they thort that if they did they would find china. In 1882 this was achive echiv done by a cornish guy called henry Pascoe. He lifed in this place that was full of big wholes in the ground, mines (not yours) which is wat my nan says cornwall is full of. Pixies or as the cornish sayin their langwage,, piskies (wich is stupid cos every1 nose that all England speeks english, duh!)
Anyway. Pixies or stupid piskies lif in the mines and wood teese the men hoo wer digging for china. They wood do this thing, right, wwhe were wear they wood blow out the lite that was on the hats that muggles wore wich had candles on them and stuff. and then they wood feed coal to *** birds wat they brung with them to sell to the chinese wen they got their. And. the coal made the birds like die and stuff!!!! Wich i think is like relly really realy meen.
And right, this guy i was talking to this one time told me that pixies eet pastys and cidre like the cornish wich is skanky cos its like if you drink allllll the time you like are ALWAYS! grumpy its like if you drink loads of sunny d you go yellow. I dared this grill girl fromhufflepuff to drink like a bucket full and it was rely funni cos she went the same coler as her robes!!! I got detention but it was well worf it!
Pixies suc cos they kill birds, are alcoholeics and eat pastys wich every1 nose r full of carbonhidrates and make you reli fat. No1 likes pixies cos they r reli fat and they r meeen and they look reli ugly.I bet they have no frends xept other pixies. But mines are good cos wen muggles made airoplanes they could get to china with out digging so no1 gos to the mines so the pixies c ant be meen to them. If we got rid of the mines then all the pixies wood like be everywear and it would be rubbish.
August 15th, 2009, 1:41 pm
Why Do The Dark Arts Exist?
the dark arts exist because some peple are bad. A long long time ago a bad wizerd musta sat down and thought hmm i wanna be a bad wizerd today so what can i do? then he thought some dark dark thoughts and waved his wand around and out came arts that were dark. i dunno what he did ezzacly but maybe he killed peopl or summat. and then he met himself a nice gurl and he did some bad things with her so then she wasnt so nice. and then they went and did some more bad things if you now wat i mean and had some bad wizerd babys. those bad wizerd babys when they grew up they did some dark arts stuff too and met some more bad girls and bois and had some more bad babys and before u knowd it there was dark wizerds everywhere!!! the most baddest of all the dark wizerds was the dark sourserrer called you know hoo that that hairy poter boy made disapeer years ago and then you know hoo came back and tried to do dark arts again and killed peeple some more and then that hairy poter kid made him disapeer again!!! that hairy poter kid was jus so breiv, he is defantly not a dark arts wizerd. he likes the light arts. hahaha the light arts. but we is sposed to be riting bout the dark arts, so ill talk bout you know hoo even thou i really like that hairy poter kid hes so breiv and hansum and hes a very good kuidich pleyer!! ok so you know hoo was a realy bad wizerd, and he had realy bad wizerd frends who did alotta bad stuf to wiches and wizerds and mugels. i dont now y he was so bad. i dont now y sum wizerds like to be bad. i guess they dont love nobody and nobody loves them. that makes me sad. everbodi should be loved and maibe if everone was loved there is not going to be dark arts. dumbeldorr hoo was the smartest most bestest wizerd he alwais sed that love is the bestest good magic. so i think maibe hate is the worsest bad magic. and bad magic is the same as dark arts so maibe there is dark arts becos there is hate? i dont now that hert mi brein.
now i remmeber their was anuther bad wizerd his name was grundelweld. he was hansum too but verry bad too. dumbldorr beet grendilwald a long time ago becos dumbldoor is the bestest good wizerd and he likes the light arts hahah and he can do veri kewl good magic and he wanted too stop the bad wizerds. i think my mummi told me that dumeldoor was in love with girnedweld but ew two boys?? i dont know i think my mum is kraziii. but thas sad becos they were bestest frends and then greneldwel turned bad and dubmeldoor had to beet his best frend. i hope mi bestest frend is always good like me!
so that is y the dark arts exist becos some wiches and wizerds are bad.
August 15th, 2009, 1:41 pm
I want to start my esay with what a Horcruxse is. A horecrux is a thing that keeps you from dieing if you are gonna die. It keeps you from dieing by holding on to you’re sole and transforming it into a shield around your body so you can’t die (personal interview: Lockheart, Gilderoy). Any one can make one, except for Nargles (pg 4 The Quibbler). Some not true books say that a horcrox is only a thing were you’re soul will stay if you die (pg89 Moste Darke Magick(. But that’s not true because that doesn’t do you any good cause you would still die and then you would walk around as a clokc or something which doesn’t make since (I rote to the author of Most Darke Magik about the wrong information). Horcruxese are not evil like everyone says. they have a lot of really, really, really, really good uses. In my essay I will prove that Horcruxis are really not bad like everyone says and you will really see that having a Horcruxe is a really, really smart thing to have. 1st horcuxees stop you from dying (pg5 Moste Darke Magic). I meen, if you get atacked then the spell just rebounds off you. A horcruux is like a really big, human sized bubble that sheilds you from bad stuff that mite happen (personal interview: Lockhart, Gilderoy) . Its not like it hurts anyone, you just cant die because you have a super awesome shield protecting you. According to a journel I found a boy named Tom Riddle studyd Horcruxus in school and nothing bad happened to him (pg34 Tom Riddle’s Diary). And you never herd of a Tom Riddle being arrested or getting in trouble or stuff like that. He probably went on to live a really long life cause he was smart and made a horcrix (I am gonna try and right to him two but I any time I ask for information on him Madame Prince tells me she’s gonna have me expelled). And you get to pick the color of the shiled which is awesome, I want a a green one so I can match my house which is slitherin,. So, that’s why a Horcrrux is usefull. Butt, their not that bad either. People say that they are bad because you have to kill a person to make one but thats not true. You can just step on a bug and thier you go!! And another thing. The Minister Ruphus Scrimgore is using horcriuxes so it can’t realy be that bad (pg30 The Quibbler). Peopl have to be really stupid not to make a Horcruxx, they wold work good in a duel with some one who dosn’t have one. That is why I think that Horcruxess are not as bad as people say, in fact the Authors (Ministry dark wizard catchers) should get some that way they are protected against dying when they go to catch dark Wizards. This is the end of my esay.
August 15th, 2009, 1:42 pm
How the dark arts saved my life
Once I was traveling to Hogsmeade (a very long and dangerous trip). Normally I doesn't like to take risks and I prefer to sit at a chair and doing my homeworks so Snape won't give me his deadly look. If you're leaving the castle you might end up as a dead inferi coz Voldemort is on the move. Well, it was the first and last time I visit Hogsmeade. My friend said they would knock out my teeth if I don't join them. I of course joined them. This might also be the reason why this essay seem so horrific. TO be HoNesest I write this when almost sleeping in the forest. And i will tell you why!! Hope I'll hand it in before time limit will be cancelled. Well, it was snow and cold outside. I were afraid I were going to got influenza. My friend – the one whose hair loook llkiek like a sheep offered me polyjuice potion. Of course I refused but then he said stupefy. I block his speell and said Stupefy myself (they was surprisedcoz they thought I was I looser, but I've kept attention on each of Snape's demanding words trough 4 years. )
All the other ran away but I keeep shouting spells at him. I felt evil but i like it. He cried and I forced him to drink the polyjuice potion (i had no idea which person he would transform into and I wouldnæt know either so I ran away and hide. Ashamed of my actions I ran into the forbidden forest and cried. Who am I? a monster? I don't want to be like the dark lord. It's just my temper who exploded (it's normal like the astronomy tower but today it is more like a teaspoon). Like thye were good friends...they has never been... Suddenly Hagrid approached and i said sir and he said what are u doing here and i said that my friends begged me to walk into the forest..... Out of character he begin to shoot spells at me and he petrifieded me. I can not move. So something weird happens. Another Hagrid come. I see a spider (as huge as a...sorry can't think of metaphors now... let's say spider.XD) coming against me. The One Hagrid was shock, first of sawing himself and so of sawing I lying on the ground helpless. He said «Aragog don't eat up poor, Wallenby». I close my eyes and heard the pinchers. He tasted on my hand but I heard a «blahh» sound from his mouth (or I thought I hear that and he did not eaten me up. He kidnapped me and I heard the one Hagrid screaming «nooo aragog» before he fainted. The other Hagrid said «to be young and feel love's keen sting» as it probably looked like aragod used his pinchers to snogg me without any succeed of coursse.
I faint and woke up in front of a cave. I heard other spiders as well. When realizing the other Hagrid was my "friend" who I gave polyjuice potion. Of course! I had no choice, i had to use one of the illegal spells. AVADA KADEVRA! It do not working, i tried twice and apparantly it worked. I was free like a dragon, the gay-spider was dead.
I see an owl in the darkness worry about what Snape will say if I don't hand it in in time. i picks up a pencil and a sheet and write down the last events. Lucky enough the task was to written how the dar k arts saved my life. But I hope, dear Snape, you don't send recruit me to the dark lord...deep inside I know you're a death eater so i know you love we are using forbidden spells. The owl comes to me, sends it to Snape and I falled down sleeping. Wondering what may happen tomorrow...
August 15th, 2009, 1:42 pm
Bogarts and their use in birfday partys (othrwyse knwn as – surpise there’s a bogart in yur closet…)
Bogarts… and birfday partys – two things that don’t sound liek they should even bee inn a sentance twogether … wood they make four a fun parti guest or as a part of a nice parti game? Eye deecided… just for the hek of it… witch was beeter. A deer friend of mind, Anhilda Van Hildenburg, helped mee get awhold of a number of bogarts too use in this eggspearamint – wood we bee successful in seeing weather or knot they were better as part of a parti game or as a guest… we’re knot surre of it, butt one ting’s for surre – it should certainlee bee one enteresting eggspeareance.
Wee also took the thyme to fix up a numburr of different kontainerrs for them two stay inn… and as four being a guest at the parti – wee planned two make it a surpise won. As four guests… wee plan on inviting a bunch of mugles alongside magical folk… just four variation. It should certainlee prove too bee won intertainying parti, and as four the games… Eye look fourward too seeing how tings go inn terms of them. They’ll bee all veeriations of mugle games… liek Hyde and go Seik and such.
A weak has now past – all of our planning has now come to fruition… it is the knight of our friend, Ralph Doogindorf’s birfday – and boy will he bee surpised bye the parti that we’ve planned four him.
The krowd is now arriving in droves and our deer subjects… Eye mean bogarts are startying too get restless… They’re litterally ‘shakling’ in ther boxes. Anhilda is beeside herself, chuckling over ther reeactons so far… and as four the guests… they’re all buzing liek lytle bees.
Anhilda kasts a ‘Silencio’ charm on eveeeywon and turns out the lyghts, via ‘a turn off lyghts’ spell. Ralph, enters the parti, now, khompleteli klueles, as two what’s going on… Wee yell ‘Surpise…’ as the lyghts flicker back on… and wish him a ‘Happi Birfday…’ The bogarts are in shock alongsyde our guest of honr… howling and sceechng.
‘Tanks for the enteresting velcome, you too…’ he said too us, with a smll gryn. ‘This is won hek of a surpise…’ ‘And it isn’t over, Ralph…’ Eye said two him. ‘We’re leting a phew of the bogarts out to myngle – and playing a parti game with the others…’ ‘How fun…’ he said bak two me with a chuckle.
Both Anhilda and eye went upstars and released a phew of the bogarts into the krowd. Eevrywon pancked… as the bogarts turned into ther wost pheers… Won of them turned itself into a startlyng lieknes of Richard Simmons. So it looks leik a lott of our guests are afraid of him and his exercise viddeos.
‘Ok… eeeveriwone…’ Eye said. ‘It’s now thyme four a fun parti game, it’s kalled spyn da bogart…’ Won of the mugles chuckled. ‘Is it anything liek the mugle game, spyn the bottle?’ he asked politely. Eye laughed and said, ‘No – knot really…’ ‘The object of this game is too get the bogart so khonfused aftur spynning him, that it’ll look absoleutelee silly too onlookeerrs…’ ‘Ah, I sea…’ he said to me in repli.
The game styrted off well enough, with mugles and maygc folk split evenlee into teems – each spynning a box with a bogart in it… They khould see eeverrywon inn the group… so tings got enteresting fast… wonce somewon let won out… it loked leik a giant basebal batt with fangs, batt wyngs and grien hair – werid indeed… one of the maygc folk stepped fourward and said ‘Riddikulous…’, and said bogart had a pynk tootoo showed up on it. Eevverywon was in styches… and the bogart disappeared.
The parti went on – layte into the nyght and it was a hit. Eeeverywon got a kyck out of the bogarts and ovrall they didn’t get along that wel with us though – they’re jst as scred of us as we are of them.
It was fun seeing eeeverywon enturact and enujoy playing the parti game, ‘spyn da bogart’. Both me and Anhilda hop too hold another parti leik this won suen.
August 15th, 2009, 1:43 pm
The Pixies, the Moste Evile Beings
This must be some trick by the Professor. Pixies are not the “moste evile beings”. They are just mischievous, and a lot of fun to be with – if you know how to handle them. Cornish pixies are among the best. Prof. Lockhart actually had a good idea, releasing them in his classroom, except the incompetent prat just didn’t know what he was doing. But, seeing it was Lochart, that’s hardly surprising.
In case you hadn’t guessed from the preceding paragraph, I like pixies. They’re unruly, like young children at kindergarten, and they’re hard to control, but you can have a good time with them. Like children, they like to have fun, they like to wreak havoc. Like children, they’re cute. They’re like a flock of butterflies or hummingbirds. They’re a riot of color. They don’t listen to reason because they don’t have any sense. Except a sense of fun, which is what matters.
Like the class bully, they’ll pull your hair. Like your prat of a brother, they’ll hide your toys. Like your best friend when she’s mad at you, they’ll make faces at you and taunt you. http://www.smilies-and-more.de/pics/smilies/cheeky/033.gif Like Umbridge, they’ll make you write line upon line on your own hand with your own blood. Like a sadistic Death Eater, they’ll gouge out your eyes for fun. Or Cruciate you and enjoy your screams. Like Voldemort, they’ll torment you and feed you to Nagini. Like Torquemada, they’ll put you on a rack, draw and quarter you. Like a Baghdad caliph, they’ll impale you on a sharpened post. Like a medieval executioner, they’ll pull out your nails and disembowel you alive before they hang you. Honestly, what’s wrong with that? Just a little fun. :elaugh:
I really really don’t know why they have such a bad reputation, and why the DADA teacher thinks they’re the “moste evile beings”. :hmm: Me, I love pixies. http://bestsmileys.com/love1/1.gif They’re the best playmates in the world when you’re a troll, or as near a troll as a Hogwarts student could get. Try them, you’ll like them. Honestly. :agree:
August 15th, 2009, 1:43 pm
"That Werewolf is my friend!" or How the Dark Arts Saved My Life
My friend Romulus is a werewolf he looks normal but when there is new moon he turnes into a werewolf and then he grows a tail and a lot of fur very soft and the ears are pointed and he can move them where they wants cause when he is a werewolf he hears very well and can tell you there is a rabbit a mile away. He eats a lots of rabbits when he is a wolf becuase he says it gives you hungry and he gets angry when hes hungry but when he’s eaten a couple of rabbits he purrs when you scratches him behind the ears and if you don’t mind dead rabbits it is very funny to go with his in the full moon because he growls and then the doorkeepers get scaried and you can get into the disco without paying a Knut and nobody dares to complain when you jump the queues for the loo.
Now I have to say that I think this essay is very unfair becuase not all people knows a werewold or has been safe by dark art. I’m lucky and I can speak of the two things but many people is havin problems to write this.
My dad kkeeps many art at home there are a lot of pictures hanging on the walls and one is a protrait of a guy dressed in black and the backgrund is black too so you only see the guy’s face and hands floating Dad says it is of a style called ‘Darkenism’ (?) and so I think it is that you mean when you ask for dark art. The guy in the picture is very annoying he always is complaining and he speak odd because he is very old so old that he says he had orders of Merlin but I don’t think he really knew Merlin because the Merlin in the chocolate frogs cards wears a long robe and the picture guy wears something like leggings so I think hes boasting but last year he was very useful because one day my mum forgot a candle at the living room and it staerted a fire and there was many smoke but we were slepping and didn’t relize till the guy in the dark picture began cry and he shouted and we woke and noted the smoke so dad ran downstars and did the aquamenti charm and put the fire out and now says we would burned but for the dark paint so the dark art saved our necks.
August 15th, 2009, 1:44 pm
Birthday parties are awesome. I remember when I was five, I gota pony! it wsa a toy, and it could walk and neigh, and i wonder what happpend toit. maybe the wolves in the forest nearby ate it. i'm not allowed in the forest, because of the wolves and bears and other creatures. I wonder why they ate my pony. it probably didn;t taste good, since it wasn;t real. I'm not too upset, since my brother barfed all ove rit two days after my birthday. he ate something he shouldn't, the roses off the rose bush in te yard, and that always makes him sick. mom adn dad didn;t know this until he was eleven, but he would go out and eat the roses whenever eh wantedd to skip a reunion, or get attention. but i was a good girl, i never did anything like that. I suffered through the reunions, cause when he didn't show up, i got all his presents form grammy and grampy, and uncle joe. when he went to hogwarts, two years before me, he got mon to send him a clipping of the bush, so he could get out of class and not do any work. but I told mom what he'd been doing,a nd she sent hima howler!! I don;t think i would ever want a holwer, they are very loud amd they never ahve any good news. but iot is funny when my brother gets one, cause i can luagh at him, and he gets in trouble with mom and dad. me and my little sister never get in trouble, because mom and dad are so focused on him, they never notice when we do anything. my sister only six, and everyone says she is the best. I think she should fall off a tall tower, and land in a field of spikes.
August 15th, 2009, 1:44 pm
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HOW TO COUNTER-CURSE A COUNTER-CURSE
OK, so there was this one time when me and my friends were shopping at Diagon Alley. We had just finished shopping at Madam Primpernelle's, where I got this completely super lipstick that doesn't wear off on anything and stays put until you charm it off and some light blue eye shadow that adds eyeliner without you having to do anything at all, and we were in Madam Malkin's robes shop, trying on all the newest styles. There were some really beautiful robes in there, we had so much fun. I got a deep blue set with silver thread charmed to arc all around it like comets or shooting stars, and they're backless and my father just about had kittens when he saw them, but I talked him into letting me keep them and...
Wait, what was I saying? Oh yeah, counter-curses...
Well, Tiffany had just come out in this gorgeous set of pink-and-cream dress robes that totally brought out the blue in her eyes and slimmed that little pudge of her belly when Draco Malfoy's mum came in. Me and Tiffany and the other girls just stared, because that woman is SO stylish. And she walked right up to Madam Malkin and I swear, she said, "I'm here for the robes I purchased, and they better be right this time or I'll hex you myself." Seriously, she said it! Ask Tiffany or Cassie or Minda if you don't believe me, they'll tell you!
So anyway, Madam Malkin brought out this set of robes in a shade of green that's absolutely to-die-for, and she had this totally annoyed look on her face like Mrs. Malfoy was such a pain in the backside, and she practically spat out, "Yes, Mrs. Malfoy, here they are." So Mrs. Malfoy unfolds them and begins examining the hem on the left sleeve, and after a minute she sniffs and goes, "Well, looks like you got it right this time, Malkin." Then she shoved them back at Madam Malkin and said, "Wrap them up, I haven't got all day." And then when Madam Malkin finished and rang up the sale, Mrs. Malfoy sneered at her and said, "Oh, really, Malkin, you expect me to pay for your mistake?"
And Madame Malkin, ooh, we've never seen her look so angry before! She said through her teeth, "Well, I never! You brought this to me to fix because Twilfit and Tatting's nearly ruined it! It was never my mistake!"
And Mrs. Malfoy must have been in a really bad mood, because she yanked out her wand and swore up and down that she wasn't going to pay for such a trivial thing when the Malfoys have been customers of Madam Malkin's for ever so long, and then she did this odd little motion with her wrist and said, "Filum suo!" And this HUGE silver needle with glowing green thread shot out the end of her wand toward Madame Malkin. Well, Madame Malkin must have had this happen before, because she hardly blinked before she flicked her wrist and said, "Converto!"
Me and the girls thought Mrs. Malfoy was totally screwed, but we just about had to use the loo when Mrs. Malfoy shouted, "Denuo!" And it shot back toward Madam Malkin again! We couldn't believe it, it was so amazing. It kept going back and forth between them until Madam Malkin finally used the banishing charm. And Mrs. Malfoy screamed, grabbed the package with her robes and apparated out of the shop. Madam Malkin stomped back into the back room then, and that was the end of it.
So I guess to counter-curse a counter-curse, you just need to know in advance that your target knows a counter-curse and then you'll know what counter-curse to use to counter the counter-curse. Right?
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August 15th, 2009, 1:45 pm
The Dark Arts - Why Do They Exist? (488 words)
There are three important and very inconsequential reasons why the dark arts exist. First, the dark arts are substantially essential. In fact we don’t need them at all for any purpose. Dark is what remains when the day is washed away. Art is like painting, requiring a lot of turpentine. And turpentine is like the dark that divides the periods of light, washed away by a smooth, slippery substance with a repugnant smell. Putting these ideas together, it is easy to see that turpentine would be substantial and the dark arts essential to its necessity, entirely explaining the reason for their existence and why they are unnecessary.
The second reason why the dark arts exist is because in the words of some great philanthropist and scholar, whose name as an ‘e’ in it somewhere, ‘a fruit has no seed unless it is a seeded fruit’. Using a peach as an example, one first notes the fuzzy outer layer and once peeled, it resembles a nectarine which bitten down, looks awfully like a skinned apricot. But in the middle of each is the seed and the seed represents life, without life, there is no seed and there can be no more peaches - or nectarines or apricots for that matter. Several seed scholars have found that computation of its weight in terms of symmetry and juiciness avails one of several blueprints for bottom-seeding the ocean. The plankton would dissipate and the seeds would produce several fine and unique specimen of fish. These can be found off of the coast of Mongolia, at least according to one professor. Therein the reason for the existence of the dark arts are easily explained.
The third reason why the dark arts exist is the most obvious of all. The dark arts exist because they do not not exist. For the love of Merlin, otherwise they would not exist. In example, let us use the Avada Kedarva curse; the darkest magic of all. If you don’t use it, it doesn’t exist, but if you do, it does. And note the incongruence: If you don’t use it, a person does exist, but if you do, they don’t. And note the similarity: If you use it in the daytime, there will be light, if you don’t, there won’t be. And note the velocity: if you shoot it while spinning, it will cast much less rapidly than if you are standing still. Existence is therefore based on these important factors: use, incongruence, people, similarity, daytime and velocity. The formula, AK=uis/dpv2 , definitively proves why the dark arts exist, they exist so that there can be a formula, because everything with a formula is important.
In conclusion, the dark arts exist because they are substantially essential, seeded and do not not exist. These important factors not only help explain why the dark arts exist, but when conceptually taken together, one of them enables the dark arts existence formula.
August 15th, 2009, 1:45 pm
"That Werewolf is my friend!"
How the Dark Arts Saved My Life
Werewolves don’t deserve to be treated like second class sitisens in the wizarding world. Its so totally not fair. They are shunned and abused, and thru no falt of ther own. I mean, what do they really do to people? It’s not like their werewolves all the time, it’s only once. Its only for one night every month. They don’t run around biting and turning people all the tiem only fenrer, and they can’t help it cuz it’s like hormones, the inner wolf nature just takes over. There’s nothing the poor werewolf can do to stop it.
Plus I herd this one werewolf really hurts to turn into a wolf. Cant’ we just sympatiis with them, instead demonizing them turning them into social pariah’s or something? I mean, juset imagine if you had this thing. you knew, it’s gonna happen no matter what you try to do to stop it, and it really hurts and you really feel bad about it, you know you’re gonna do stuff you wish hadn’t. Don’t you think that’s afull? I think its afful, and I relly feel sorry for the werewolves.
I read about this potion somebody called wolfsbane, its really cool because it makes the transformtation a lot easier because only the body changes not the mind. But I don’t know if it stops the pain from the transformation, cuz it dosen’t afect the body, only the mind. Probably still hurts. But tehn they can be just a ordinary wolf they change, and not dangerous to anybody.theats preety cool.
But woflban is relly expensive, so not every werewolf can afford it, plus its hared to make except for the best potion makers. So hardlay eany werewolfves have every even got to try it, and probably the ones to the outsikirts of society don’t not even know about. But if wolfsbane was reddily available to all the werewolves. It would be so much better. Any werewolf could take it, and not worry if he’d hurt his frends oir even some stranger on the street.
A werewolf’s life is relly hard, I think we should feel sorry for them instead of shunning. Like if they don’t know where they were when they change back. How do they get back home? And wheat happens to their cloths. Do they change into fur, or do they rip off and get leaft behind? in the winter, if turned back you were all nekkid and freezing in the snow.
Plus werewolves can’t get jobs, and they can’t even get help from charities or anything because everybody hates them. It isn’t fair. Only the ones who haver regular frends who unnerstand, can get what they need, like food and stuff. The only way most werewolves can get by is by lerning the dark Arts, and they need them to save there lives cuz no wizard will help them unless theire threetend with like a Crucio or something.
This one time I was straving hungry, I thought I was gonna die or something cuz me stummick hurted so much. So I cruciod this muggle. Who had been comming home from the story and he had a sack of food. So I cruciod him and he gave me some food to stop the pain. But imagine if you were a werewolf and the only way you could even get food was to do something like that, or maybed to bite somebody or threten to bite there kids.
This other time I thought is saw Fenrir Greyback in the park, he was with another kid. I gess was a werewolf cuz he was calling him pup. And the pup was calling him alpha. I cast some hexes on them so they wudent chaste me and I got awy. I never culd have got away from thows werewolves if I hadn’t know a few dark curses. Fenrir dosen’t wait till full moon to bite people. So I got to cast a curse at him and the other guy, and theats how I got away. So that’s how Dark Arts saved my life, but we wuldent need to do stuff like that to werewolves if we just be nice to them and let them all get along. If we would take care of tem and give them wolfsbane, they woldent need to bite pepple. And they woldent scare pepple either they culd just by like big pet dogs or something. I know some muggles who have pet wolves. And ;if they werewolves tak the wolfbane they don’t need to even as dangerous as regular muggle wolves because they still know there relly pepple and they woldent hert others.
So that’s why I think werewolve shoud be our frends, but until thene we nede Dark Arts to keep them from biting us.
August 15th, 2009, 1:46 pm
PICKSEES R BAD AND THAT’S WHY THEIR GOOD
I wanted to write my essay on the most evilest of kreetures. Picksees. Picksees are bad. Exspecially Kornish picksees. They are miss-cheef us. And Eclectic Blue. The blue is what hurts my eyes. The blue is bright and waxy like that misteek woman in the x men muggle comics. You usually see them in cages. That is good for you, because when they are not in cages, and are free, they fly around in groups and cause problems. They will fly around your head and make noise and steal things and get in the way and make more noise. And steal stuff like wands and hang boys on shandaleers, or maybe it was old bones once.
But I remember that they are evile and that is probably why they act like that. Cuz they are evile. Of course other creatures are evile too and they don’t act like that. Those other kreetures are evile on their own. So maybe Picksees are so evile because they work together, but why would evil creatures work together? And I don’t like muggle keeyboords because they spell wrong and keep changing the words I write and speeling them differently and putting weird red skwiggly lines under the writing that is almost as evile as picksees. Maybe I will write another essay about how evile muggle computers are.
But more thought on evil kreetures working together to cause miss-cheef because that doesn’t make sense. Why would evile kreetures work together? That seems anti-evile. But maybe they are so anti-evile that they are even MORE evile.
Picksees are also evil because they are really blu. Creatures aren’t supposed to be blue. Unless they have hipo- uh, hyper-um, hippertherm-um, are really cold. Maybe that’s why they are blue! They are so cold and evile on the inside that it shows up on the out side. So Picksees are really blue and really miss chief ous and that is why they are the most evilest of kreetures. Even though they are small and you just think when you see them they are off putting. That is another reason why they are evile. You don’t see the evile at first and make excuses for their bad behaveor and then it is too late and you are hanging from a tree or some such.
August 15th, 2009, 1:46 pm
Reasons Why a DADA Teacher Can’t Lift The Curse On The Subject
Well, I could list a bunch of nice-sounding reasons (read excuses) as to why the Defense Against the Dark Arts teachers can’t lift the curse Riddle put on the subject he wanted to teach, but there truly is only one real reason: total, complete and absolute incompetence! Incompetence without end. Incompetence that should bar each one of you who has ever held this job from ever even holding a wand, let alone teaching impressionable young witches and wizards. If a witch or wizard couldn’t lift the curse of a petty, jealous fool who was beaten by a school boy several times, you don’t deserve the job. It should be the first part of the interview: Can you lift the curse on this position? How would you do it? If you can’t come up with a darn good answer, “Don't call us; we'll call you. Next!”
Oh wait, there might be another reason. I suppose if a teacher only wanted the position for one year, he or she wouldn’t bother to try. So I guess another reason is total lack of desire or effort. In other words: pure laziness on the part of the so-called expert teacher. But, since I would presume that would be part of the job description (How could you ever excuse that not being part of the job? :hmm: ), again, we come back to total incompetence. Even Dumbledore showed that he was really, really lacking here. Do you really expect us to believe he liked searching out a new teacher every year? Ha! He may have fooled most people into thinking he was a great wizard and did a lot to protect the school, but he couldn’t even lift the curse. And he had the most powerful wand in the universe!! If that isn’t total incompetence, I don’t know what is. Voldemort wasn’t even corporeal for much of that time and Dumbledore had the wand people called the Death Stick because it was so powerful and it supposedly came from Death himself! Still, Riddle’s curse held. Some protection Dumbledore was in that case! :rolleyes:
So the reason we have yet another new DADA teacher is that you are all totally incompetent and deserve no more than a year on the job. Actually, no more than a day, but I suppose you must all get contracts that allow you at least a year. I really sometimes wonder if it isn’t just a test and none of you is even smart enough to realize it’s not cursed at all and the rumor is like the Shrieking Shack: all rumor and no substance. You all are just too cowardly to stay after being unable to detect and disarm this supposed curse that really isn’t even there at all. I’m not sure which theory is worse but either one certainly doesn’t speak well for the pool of available witches and wizards out there able to teach us. We’d be better off experimenting on our own, I’d think, than having to answer to such incompetent boobs as have been filling this position since Riddle cursed it so many years ago trying to teach us what the nincompoops haven’t bothered to master themselves. Unpleasant as you may find these words, it is an undeniable fact: You, like your predecessors, are just too incompetent to lift any curse that may or may not have been put on this position!
August 15th, 2009, 1:47 pm
The Dark arts and why they exist.
For many years there have been evil wizards. Some strive for evil other for power. It is just like in the muggleworld. Some muggles uses good spells and others uses bad spells. how to know a bad spell from a good spells is not a simpel task. Good seplls are cast for good purposes and bad spells are cast fro bad purposes. So when you cast a hex to save a person it is not dark magic but if you caqsted it for killing it is dark arts. Some eople hungry for power while others jsut want to live and have babies. To make some examples you know who is a dark wizard just like in muggle world have Britney Speers.
The dark arts have a long historie of muggle opuse. Muggle opuse ranges from exploding toilets to rubber ducks which suddenly starts to drown. This is not only a break of status of secrety of 1976 but also wicked acts towards muggles.
The msot evil of all spells is I will not name but i causes tje victims to be hurled up from bed and their feets clued to the cealin and their head dangling down.
Several beast are unquestionly tied to the dark arts. Among thise tcan the fyuel thretrals be named. <<<thise invisible creatures are only visible to those who the most evil wizards amonsgst thise can be naed Hagrig who been gamekeeper of Hogwards when he who myust not be named come back to power once more the threthrals rallied to he who must be nameds side and thought for greater good, that is what he who msut not be named used as slogan. As other allies and be mentioned gryfins.
So the purpose of dart arts are to
ps. Iwould have written more but I hit the 300 word cap.
August 15th, 2009, 1:47 pm
Horcruxes: Not Necessarily a Bad Thing
A long time ago, those selfriteous pacifissys thought it be fun to tell kids that horcruxes are bad (no it's not and yes you are. Stop having ideas). kids prolly didnt know what even horcruxes are. Biology happened and those kids had kids (everyone was popping kids out at a young age back then) and told their kids that horcruxes are bad (and killing snidgets is bad. Quidditch sucks now). Now we got a bunch of morons running all over the place spewing their lol-lets-hold-hands-&-be-friends-and-save-dragons-and-stop-calling-centauars-horses-cause-they’re-not garbage and oh my god I am so sick of these people and why can’t these people just shut up because nobody cares what they think and they shold get mauled by werewolves. They suffer from a fundamental misunderstanding involving their strange false dichotomy between skepticism and imagination. It's weird, and frankly repulsive. I went to the library to get sauce on horcruxes (not the Hogwarts library b/c its ghetto) and this book Magik’s Most Evil (worst book ever. About a hundred and twenty pages in and I couldn’t even stare into the void between stars wondering whats in the darkness waiting for me, yet) explained that to make horcrux soul in an object. I don’t know why killing someone is a big deal (population control, amirite?) but that’s what those pacifissys BAWWW about. The real question is not whether putting your soul into an object is a bad idea, but how do you put your soul in an object? Last time I checked souls are in you. How are you supposed to get a part out to put in an object? This is like dumbest idea ever. Stop believing in souls. people are so stupid. No one has ever sene,touched,heard,smelled,taste a soul, how do you know it exist? People need to realize you cant put something that doesn’t exist into a object.everyone shut up about things that don’t exist. Things that don’t exist cant be good or bad. Im just thinking that horcruxes (and what’s up with the name? when I first heard that word I thought it had to do with crosses and bad women) is just some elaborate hoax conspiracy to bring the people into a state of panic regarding health care. So in a sense, these people are scared of something that isn't proven to be real. Very manipulating. There's nothing to decipher, this is very one dimensional.
August 15th, 2009, 1:47 pm
The Dark Arts - Why Do they Exist?
Dark Arts can be defined in several ways and each way has an importance to why it exists. This is as important as a holiday for students in schools.
The first valid definitions of Dark Arts are arts that are dark. Arts in this case include paintings and sculptures. Mostly paintings. If certain painitings like those of the stupid Knight or the Ugly Fat Lady were painted black it would save many people a lot of trouble. Such dark arts r very important if used to paint out annoying portraits. Such arts exist to create a space for one to look at and see nothing.
A second definition of Dark Arts is the production of darkness. This can be achieved through several means. The basic being knoking out the light or to the more complicated procedures of producing darkness. As someone once said ‘Making darkness is a true art’. The reason such art of making darkness exists is to help people escape and do dastardly deeds when no one can see that. A Draco Malfoy, one time student at Hogwarts can surely attest that if he did not have the Peruvian darkness powder his plans would have collapsed and he would not have been successful in his endevours. Seeing that even the Dark Lord used nights and place of darkness to have his meetings meant that such an art is not to be taken lightly.
The last but not the least definition of Dark Arts is the use of dark magic. Magic that is not light is termed dark and its usage is called dark arts. Now such usage is important in many ways. One way is of course fame. He Who Must Not Be Named was so famous by using dark arts that his name could not be mentioned any more. He changed his name to give it a more frightening sound and it was so successful that people stopped using the name at all. Many though do wonder why he changed his name if in the eventual end he would just be known *** You Know Who. If dark arts did not exist he would not have found the fame so readily as is seen by the example of Harry Potter. He had to put up several posters and take out several advertisements in the newspaper to be known as the fists Undesirable.
The usage of dark arts like exhibited by the death eaters was quite important in keeping the wizard population in check. Having the Weasleys taking all the jobs in the market is not very interesting and without the death eaters we could have gone the muggle way and would have to handle the problems of over population. Dark Arts exist solely to prevent us from reaching such states. It also opens up new opportunities for youth like the Headmaster’s post which was taken by a young man after the old guy died refusing to retire. Other career opportunities like making wands was also available to the people now that You Know Who reduced a wandmaker or two who had boasted to make them since before last century.
I hope this essay thus answers the critical question, ‘The Dark Arts – Why Do They Exist’
August 15th, 2009, 1:48 pm
:hmm: I pick Boggarts and Their Use in Birthday Parties. Because I really don’t care why Dark Arts exist... what I really need is defense against this James and/or Oliver Phelps tall troll (sorry about the bad referencing, I know it’s wrong to reference the doppelgangers of Fred and George as trolls but however yet I cannot recall anyone else that is six feet tall). P.S I hope the bracketed words don’t count onto the word limit because they’re bracketed! Anyway back to my essay where was I? Ah I remember now. I don’t have a werewolf as a friend either and I hope this doesn’t count as dark arts so I skipped the second option too. Pixies. Heh. I have a party with them later. Maybe if I could hand in this essay after the party. I would get an owl. Woo hoo toot toot! But obviously I have limited time. Next.. about why a DADA teacher can’t lift the curse on the subject, it’s because, one, he CAN’T lift the curse on the subject! Two, he can only lift the subject along with the curse and finally, a DADA teacher is just a DADA teacher. He, or she, is no lifter. Second last, Horcruxes: not necessarily a bad thing. Of course, since.. let’s get reference from our famous historical figure, Mr. Harry J(ay) Potter, ay? If Voldemort would have known that Mr. Potter was his very own horcrux, he wouldn’t have kill him! So it’s not necessarily a bad thing. But I have too much to be kept secret… please take note that I am already leaking a portion of the secret! *ahem*, and too limited to share. Otherwise I would have aced this paper, I tell ya! You guys would have given me EeyOre, Exceeded Outstanding if I were to tell you everything. But I am an unofficial Secret Keeper, and a very good secret keeper. I will not disclose secrets. Finally, how to counter-curse a counter-curse. This question, I would claim, that it is too simple. You simply counter-curse a counter-curse using a counter-curse! So we shall be back at the noble title I chose, Boggarts, And Their Use In Birthday Partays. It is simple really. What is a Boggart? A magical creature that will be subdued through laughter, and therefore its first use in birthday parties will be to induce laughter. For example, if Dolores Umbridge was forced to go to Firenze’s birthday party, she would be very very very unhappy. But once you place a boggart there, it will transform into perhaps, another magical creature, probably one that would delight Firenze and make him laugh. And then to induce even more laughter, the boggart will remain until it has suffered from enough laughter and everyone in the birthday party would be happy, and THERE. The first use. Induce laughter. Next, boggarts boggarts boggarts. If you hate the birthday boy, or girl, or goblin, or gnome, or Veela, or Muggle, or Umbridge, or ghost, or crazy folk, or magical creature, or ugly ugly ugly some magical creature, you can always anonymously send a boggart as a birthday present. Just remember to write below that you hope that this year that person would be able to overcome their fear of whatever the boggart transformed into. It really is for their own good.The final use of a boggart in birthday parties, :hmm: you see, I have forgotten what I wanted to write. But no matter, I shall go on. I still have over 200++ quota for words. Meanwhile, I shall keep on typing too. I really am not using Quick Quotes Quill by that Skeetle. I am really using my fingers to type whatever that comes to mine. Hear, hear. It’s probably coming back now. But uh, please just look at one of the Blacks first :padfoot: Yep. Just stare at it for awhile while I recall what I wanted to right. Oh yes, I think I remember now. The troll is blocking my way to a birthday party! Here’s where the use of boggarts kick in. I show him a boggart, and he’ll be scared and probably running about and I shall be able to sneak my way through the trapdoor! I wonder what his boggart will transform into….. A mosquito, troll bogey, Mugglenet, Chamber of Secrets, u-no-poo, i-no-boo, a stick, wingardium leviousa, harry potter, a wand, voldielocks, wind, fart, pink, rainbow, boggart, a stick, steak, pin, g.i jar, violet sparrow, Dumbledore, TROOOOOOOOOLL in the dungeon!, a greeting, Howler, NOOOOOOOOOOO, as shouted by a nude heaven wanderer, stars, I AM YOUR FATHER, words, girl’s bathroom, cockroach, tales of beedle the bard, books, j.k rowling, a boat, fishing fishermen, babies, panties, juice, potion, more words, the cool, the slick, and chipmunks.. uh oh.. 800 words.
August 15th, 2009, 1:48 pm
Reasons Why a DADA Teacher Can't Lift The Curse On The Subject
Why can’t any of hour Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher’s’ lift the curse? That sure is an intresting question. It’s a question that a lots of students like me have been wundering about. Except the anser is obvius isn’t it? Snape’s wanted the job for years. Theres’ no curse at all… unless you count Professer Snape wanting to curse every Defence Against the Dark ARts professer weave ever had. Of course, most of the Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher’s weave had have been rubb ish so even if there was a curse they wouldn’t’ be able to lift it. (No a fence intendid to any of our Defence Aganst the Dark Arts professers. I’ve liked themall, even if they were bad at teaching and scare of Snape too.)
The curse on the Defence Against the DArk Arts postion has been Snape all along. I bet he’s been thretenning to poizen every Defence Against the Dark ARts teacher that has teached at Hogwarts since he’s been here. And well… let’s face it… Snape’s pritty scareylooking. I wouldn’t’ want to crisscross him. I bet thelikes of Professers Quirel or Lokehart wouldn’t want to either.
I rekon Snap probably does know what he’s’ doing when it comes to the Dark Arts. I mean… that’s the rummor… isn’t’ it? Everyone’s’ been saying it for ages. Plus, he looks the part… all dark and broooding and stuff. Probably thinks he’s perfect for the Dark Arts atmisphere and all that. I’d hate it if he taught it though. I’m horrible at Potions. I’ve done pourly on almost every essaay he’s assined, and I’m still worse at brewwing. He’d probabaly expect me to be bad in Defence Against the Dark Arts too. Though I’m not too good at that subject either.
I think I’m the one whose cursed. Forget about the Defence Against the Dark Arts positron. There’s’ no curse at all. Just Snape and a buntch of teachers afraid to stand up to him. Sooner or later he’ll get the job because he’s maneaged to scare away all the competion. (No a fence intendid professer)
August 15th, 2009, 1:49 pm
“That Werewolf Is My Friend”
When I first got my acceptance letter to Hogwarts I was pretty nervous. As a muggleborn, I had no idea there this whole other world existed, and yet, I was part of it. Sure, I was much looking forward to wearing cloaks, but ... so much to learn, so much to see, so much expectations gave me quivering knees. :scared: Rhyming, it comes natural. Knowing the 12 uses for dragon’s blood? Not so much. I didn’t even know ABOUT dragons, mind you. I felt lost and behind. I thought the Wizarding world and the Muggle world were like apples and yummy oranges. That was before we got to werewolves.
Muggles are no strangers to the werewolf phenomenom, contrary to the popular wizard belief. In fact, I fathom muggles are more open to their existence and the idea of cohabitation. Wizards think of werewolves as “dark creatures”, which wouldn’t be a bad thing … if only they didn’t mean it as a bad compliment! Dark! It’s not like they can control the Moon phases! Neither is their fault that the moon appears at night. :relax: Both gifted and cursed they are, yet the social discomfort they are exposed to because of their condition seems to be taking for granted and left to be easily judged.
I have never met a werewolf myself, personally, but everyone knows about the legend of Scott "Teen Wolf" Howard. I happen to know it very well. Have we forgotten these teenage werewolf? Have we forgotten all of what he teached us? Why does the Wizarding world insist on carrying on with the misconceptions long attached to these people? Scott’s high-school (1) experiences were luckily caught on tape. I happen to own a copy. It has allowed for generations of muggles to understand a werewolf can rise above the "animal" and lead his basketball (2) team to the top! Talk about improving international basketball (2) awareness! Werewolves are able to do a lot of things that other guys can’t, but it was also made clear that chasing cars, stealing babies and killing chicken were out of the questions. Yes, they are people too. Scott’s greatest lesson was just that. The werewolf is a part of them, but that doesn’t transform the person they are inside ... only the person they are outside. Huge difference.
So what if a werewolf is covered in a fluffy fur? That doesn’t mean anything. For example, my aunt Josephine has the hairiest hands (hormonal problems), yet she makes the bestest cookies of the neighborhood. :agree: She should be sending me some soon. What if they have hungry looking eyes that turn red when they lose their temper? Are we going to alienate them because they are liable to bite? ‘Cause we are insensitive to their howling? Their heighten sense of smell could come handy in the kitchen! They have excellent eyesight. It can be handy if they were to be night watchers or play video games (3) and such. I see great entrepreneuring potential.
If werewolves are related to the Dark Arts, then the Dark Arts saved my life! Scott Howard was there for me before Hogwarts. He gave me confidence and, most importantly, he allowed me to embrace the unicorn-shaped mole on my left cheek. He teached me it’s ok to be different and it’s ok to be myself. That werewolf is my friend and he’ll forever be the greatest ambassador for werewolves’ communities everywhere. To conclude, I want to cite the inspiring words of Scott’s father, werewolf himself, Harold: “With certain obvious exceptions, werewolves are people, just like everyone else.” If anything, they are certainly better than zombies; those will eat your brain.
(1) A type of school for muggle teens, age range: 14 to 18.
(2) A game played on a court by two opposing teams where points are scored by throwing the ball through an elevated hoop. Somewhat sounds like Quidditch. Believe me, it isn’t.
(3) An electronic game played by manipulating images on a video display (4) or television (5).
(4,5) Platforms and/or devices used to play the video games.
“Why Do People Have A Problem With Werewolves? They Are So Cute When They Look Like Wolves!” by Kathy Lycandee
“Wolfs, I talk about them here” by Dark Barron
“Teen Wolf” by Scott Howard and Michael J. Fox (1985)
August 15th, 2009, 1:50 pm
How to counter-curse a counter-curse!!!
by the ****ing Greatest counter-cusser in the whole Stoopid Scool!!!!!
cursing is Acshually ****in hard, if you Arnt a Freaky good ecpert!!!
and Cussing is Opviosly THe most ****ing Impotant In The art of the Magic
Its THe Impotantest althow Most dont ****ing see it
but I do
coz Im ****ing Good at cursing!!!!
there arent Any of the ****ing Teechers ere in this Fitlhy Scool hoo are any good at The real Efectife cussing
ecept ****ing Filtch!!!!
he curse’s Blooming Good when hees ****ing Mad at People!
thats prety much always then
not sure Why people Say hees a ****ing Squip
when he cusses so Flaming good
but I Managed to beat him Pretty good not long ago
so I cann Say Im THe Ecpert!!!!!!!!! Better then Those ****ing Teechers, and that Includs you blooming Profeser Snappe Sirr!
and so Let me tel you wot I Did
wasnt it just The Last Weak wenn I Threw affew Dungbombs at that stoopid freakin Granger *****
and I ****ing missed Which was ****ing anoiyng and a waste of Cash not that my ****ing Dad dont give me enuff but still what a ****ing waste that was
but than it wasnt a Totallwaste coz I got to countercurse ****ing Filtch!!!!!!!
coz wenn I see im running down THe ****ing coridoor with that their ****ing patheatic leemp of is obviosly I want to cuss im ****ing good The bat**** loony idiot!
and so I showt at im and call im A Bat**** Loony Idiot!
no thats acshually wrong
I calld im A ****ing Bat**** Loony ***** Idiot!!! withc is a real stromng curse at The bestof Day
and tehn he ****ing rans at me!
and he cusses me pretty bad back!!!!
he showts you ****ing troll of a ******* of a cretinn ******* **** **** waste of Space!!!!!!!
whitch Was Real ****ing strong!!
and so I run off real ****ing fast and sneek in that stoopid hags McGonagles offiss coz he wont ****ing find me in their!!
and I even Got to nick a few ****ing Mice from hear offiss Witch Where lots of ****ing fun in the ****ing deevitanition Lessons with that Owly bat**** Insane batty old crazy hag!
shes Scarred of ****ing mice!
but thats Just Another ****ing cool thing I did so back to ****ing Fitlch!
I didnt want TO Let his ****ing cusses stand as they where
so I kicked is ****ing cat and Called the Damn Besty a ****ing **** **** and feeled Better Insantly!
best countercurse to a ****ing Countercurse evah!
And I Werent cought!
****ing Cool eh?
August 15th, 2009, 1:50 pm
The Dark Arts - Why Do They Exist?
Ooooh! I totally and completely love the Dark Arts. I love the fact htat the spells are so evil and that they wield so much powre. I mean take speels like Avada Kerdava. Yeah it’s the Killing Curse, but look at the posre it gives the spellcaster. The spellcaster just used the fascinating dark magic to commit murder. DOnt’ get me wrong. I’m not saying that I’d ever use the Killing Cusre, but I like to think I can cast it if I wanted to.
There’s sometung really seductive about the Dark Arts. Maybe its because no one really understands them. Or really knows how to use them. I think that they are a class bythemselves. There are so many awesomely cool spells in them that I don’t see the point in NOT leraning them. I can jsut see how the first war would have been different if both sides had used the Dark Arts. There were so many deaths that could have been avoided! And Voldermort and Dumbledoor could have lived together peacefully. THere was no need for either side to get as violent as they did!
The spells themsleves roll off the tunge in wasy that the normal ordinary spells dont. I’d like to see someone actually be able to use the spells in daily life without promptly being arrested by the Aurors and sent to Azakahban for using forbidden spells. They Dark Arts really shoiuldnt be forbidden. I mean think about it. THe only reason that wizards like Voldermort and Grindlewald came to power in the first place is because the study and teaching of the dark arts was strictly forbidden. It’s liek that old saying I hear arll the time, “IF it’s forbidden, of course I’ll do it! Makes what is forbidden all the more appealing!”
Why do I love the Dark ARts? Becuae they are forbidden! ANd they really shoudlnt’ be. There’ no point. I thought that the whole idea of an education was to be educated in everything. I remember attending Muggle primary school and my teachers wuould teach any and everything. Like Darwin and the Big Bang Theory as well as other views about how the world came to be.
August 15th, 2009, 1:51 pm
Reasons Why a DADA Teacher Can't Lift The Curse On The Subject
a dada teacher cant even lift a curse on their own subject?! lol siriusly? well look at the teachers
1. with a name like quirinus, how can you do anything life/
2. whats with the turban?
3. he smelled bad
3. YOU KNOWHO WAS ON THE BACK OF HIS HEAD!!!
5. he was dumber then ….something
6. white teeth + dark arts dont mix
7. curlers in hair –need i say more?
10. memory charms.
11. i think hes in st. mungos now so how could he lift the curse?
if lupin couldnt get rid of the curse who can? i cant criticize lupin.
YES I CAN! WEREWOLF = -10 pts
almost eating kids isnt cool (#12 btw)
ooh another one. he couldnt make wolfsbane potion (13
14. old and senile
15. he looked funny
16he put harrys name in the goblet of fire
17. he wasn’t moody
18. HE WAS A DEATH EATER
19. he tried to kill harry potter
20. he couldnt even drink enough polyjuice potion not to be caught
21. she was sent my the ministry to spy on dumbledore
22. she didnt let students use magic
23. she didnt teach students anything in class
24. she made harry cut open his hand
25. she wore horrible cardigans and bows
26. she was prejudiced against halfbreeds & upset centaurs
27. in short, she was pure evil
28. he wasnt nice to lots of students
29. his hair needed to be washed
30. he killed dumbledore
31. his classroom was too dark
32. he liked the dark arts too much (just realized – classroom was dark and he liked dark arts AND he wore black all the time – coincidence???)
33. did he know what 2+2 is?
34. he made students use crucio on each other
35. he worked openly for voldemort
36. he taught dark arts not defense
not surprising the curse couldnt be lifted
August 15th, 2009, 1:55 pm
The Dark Arts-Why Do They Exist?
Okay, so, like, it’s like this. There are good people in the world, you know, the light side and all that, and there are bad people in the world, the dark side. The Light Arts is the type of magic done by good people, and the Dark Arts is magic done by the bad people. That’s why they exist. It’s really as simple as that, but since this essay is supposed to be six inches long, I guess I’ll have to <s> elebrate </s>, <s> elaboarete </s>, <s> elobarate </s>, talk about it more.
So, good people are light, bad people are dark, I covered that already. I guess I should use an example or something, like my dumb English teacher always told me to do back in elementary school. So, the Dark Arts . . . are like a burnt chocolate-chip cookie. They’re black, they’re hard, they taste bad, and you get really mad at the oven because you slaved over those cookies for twenty minutes making them for your boyfriend, well actually he’s not your boyfriend but he would have been if he’d had your amazing chocolate chip cookies, which were burnt, so you couldn’t give them to him and thus he’s not your boyfriend so you’re really mad at the oven that burnt your cookies . . . which are like the Dark Arts.
Hmm, I don’t really like that example. But crossing stuff out always looks so messy, and besides, it doesn’t really matter what I say here because all you’re going to do is read over the introduction and the conclusion and give me an outstanding without even looking at the body. But since this essay has to be longer, I’ll try to think of another example. The Dark Arts always fight against the Light Arts, because the Light Arts have this grudge against the Dark Arts, I don’t know why maybe their offended by all the killing and curse and bad stuff, I dunno. So anyways, the Light Arts and the Dark Arts are always in battle with each other, and the Dark Arts start to hurt the people of the light side, and then the people on the light side attack the dark side, and then the dark side cheats and kills half the lights side and then the light side is all like “Oh no you di-in’t” and then the dark side is like “Oh yes I di-id” and then the light is like, “You cannot win” and the dark side is all “Come to the Dark Side we have cookies” and then the light side is “the Force will defeat you” and the dark is like “Luke I am your father” and the light side is all like “Nooooo!” because that’s exactly what this is all about. A fight between the forces of good and evil, just like Luke Skywalker and Darthvader. Except you wouldn’t know anything about Star Wars because you’re a wizard, although maybe if you were the muggle studies teacher you might know something about it, but you’re not, so you don’t, but it doesn’t really matter because you won’t read this part anyways. The only part that matters is the intro and the conclusion, and that’s going to be the best.
In conclusion, the forces of the Dark Side will continue to fight against the light, because that’s what they do and that is what they have done for thousands of years. The Dark Side exists simply because there are bad people in the world who cannot use the magic of the Light Side. That’s why they’re bad. (Hmm, I still only have five inches . . . )
August 15th, 2009, 1:55 pm
"Boggart’s And their use at Birthday Parties"
Mildred Mimblewimble’s Unabridged Dictionary defines fear as “stuff that scares us.” Indeed. Fear is the flip side of the galleon of love. Fear is the treacle to life’s tart. Without fear life would be like one long train ride with no chocolate frogs. I say we should all try to get scared as much as possible. And what better way to scare each other than with surprise boggart’s? And what better time to surprise someone than their birthday?
What four year old wouldn’t love opening a big brightly wrapped birthday gift, tearing off the paper, opening the lid, and seeing a scabby, pus oozing shrieking eel flop over the edge of the box? Imagine the terrorful look on his face. Imagine the noise shattering screams. If everyone’s lucky, the child might even pee his pants. That’s just pure entertainment for the whole family. Think about it. That child’s reaction will provide years of tear filled laughter. And what could be better at bringing a family together than that? That’s just good clean fun. That’s family bonding.
And an even greater time will be had when the parents use the Ridicule spell to banish the boggart. Everyone will love seeing the funny things the boggart turns into before it is forced back into the box. Like a thestral in ear muffs. Or a niffler with a stuffy nose. Hilarious.
Another benefit? The lucky birthday boy’s joy will be greatened by his fear. Who can really feel good without sad? Who can really feel happy without bad? The birthday boggart will scare the freckles off of him. And when he sees that it was just a boggart, the joy he will feel will be umpteen times greater than ever. There isn’t a better gift than that.
So don’t book the Weird Sisters or some tired old muggle impersonater for your kids next birthday party. Get yourself a boggart and wrap it up. You won’t be sorry you did. Your kids will thank you some day. And if your really lucky, that thank you will come in the form of your very own birthday boggart.
August 15th, 2009, 1:55 pm
That Werewolf is my friend!
According to Newt Scamander, “Humans turn into werewolves only when bitten. Once a month, at the full moon, the otherwise sane and normal wizard or Muggle afflicted transforms into a murderous beast. The werewolf actively seeks humans in preference to any other kind of prey.” Ah, so it is so. Our good friend Newt wants us to believe that every werewolf is a blood-thirsty wild animal particularly fond of human flesh. Let me be the first to tell you that this is not so! Many werewolves are actually our friends. Oh yes! Hard to believe isn’t it. See, werewolves are very misunderstood creatures. Most are quite harmless really. Think of them as supersized teddy bears with a bad habit of tearing people limb from limb. If you leave the teddy bear alone, you’ll be fine. And I think we can all agree that teddy bears are our friends, being cute and cuddly and all.
Not only are werewolves our friends, they can also be heroes! Just last summer, I decided to take a late night stroll in the moonlight when I ran into Jarvey Runespore. Jarvey was the neighborhood bully. He was a big bloke, weighing, oh I don’t know, say 300 pounds? He hexed and cursed anybody and everybody who crossed his path just for the fun of it. Even being sent to Azkaban for a few years didn’t stop him. Turns out he was also taking a late night stroll. As I dodged hexes and curses left and right, I heard a blood-curling howl. It rooted Jarvey and I to the ground. Then, out of the darkness, emerged Rumes. Rumes was born a werewolf and also enjoyed long walks in the moonlight. Rumes stared at me for a few seconds and then turned to Jarvey. Without a moment’s hesitation, he pounced on ol’ Jarvey. Rumes’ actions saved me from Jarvey’s wrath, enabling me to make it back home. If it weren’t for that friendly werewolf, I would have been hexed! With Mr. Runespore out of the way, the townsfolk were able to carry on with their normal lives without the fear of being randomly cursed when they stepped outside. Rumes was labeled a hero.
Lastly, werewolves can make perfect security gaurds/watch dogs. Wizard by day, able to repel any intruder with a wave of his wand, beast by night scaring anybody from coming anywhere near what it’s guarding. I’d pay good money for one of them. So let’s recap. Werewolves aren’t merely murderous creatures; many are friendly teddy bears, some even heroes. Not to mention they would do great in the security business. That’s why I say, “That Werewolf is my friend!”
August 15th, 2009, 1:56 pm
Dialogue with my dog
Ze dark arts, why do zey exist? Hmm, interresant question... zere is a ssing my dog Socratus, great trol hunter when not to ocupied ssinking, is always wondering: to bee or not too bee, zat is ZE big question.
He responded me:
- "Ze dark arts? Exist? Zat is a metafisical interogacion zat is meriting a purrely retoric treatement."
I nod with agrement.
- "So, why do ze dark arts exist? Becoze zey was created" is my first ssink.
- "Obviously" is saying Socratus, roling his eyes, "But whyy?"
I scratch my hear.
- "Wel, maybe zat a veri veri bad wisard was been so bored and anoyed zat all his victims spend to much time to dy of Hunger in a prison. It gived to him no joy at all. And I ssink zat tarentalegra and rictusempra has not been ze best too imprecion an enemy."
- "Yep, zat is not a too bad Idee. Du look a lotte lesser like a trol zat is realising zat he have anozer Hand to scratch his snout und clean its nostril.
I am offensed.
- " Zat is not becoz I has too big ears zat I resemble a trol!"
Socratus looking to me wiss pity.
- " I has always been sur zat du are of trol dessent. Sory. Back to our topik. Have du some Idee of who is zat bad wisard?
- "Definitively no You-Now-Who. Too knew. I guess he were an ancienner wizard. I shoud not have been play hangman wiss Tim in history class", I said sadly.
- "Hum hum, cough Socratus, we have talking of dark arts, Daniel dear."
- "Oh yeah... I am remembering now! Wait a second... Faustus Feuermeister! He were an alkemist and instead to prononce ze good spell for change lead in gold (imperiam), he casted ze first imperius curse upon his assistant (imperio). How absent-mindd he were! He finded it so funny zat he was decidedd to doo it again and create ozer curses like zat. He became ze first dark art master when he realised zat ze use of his discover coud giving him a lotte more zan gold."
Socratus aprouved wiss a nod.
- "It is corect, but du forgetting somessing important...
I look him in disbelief. I now it is corect, I haved nossing else to doo zan listen the professor becoz Tim wre in ze hospital Haus after betting (and loosing) wiss me zat he can eat more zan fifty Schokolate frogues in five minutes. It was disgusting.
- Feuermaster wre blind, everyssing for him were dark. Zat is why it is calling dark magic."
So, for resume our conversacion, once upon a time (1379), an alkemist called Fostus Feuermeister invented "dark spells", zen created "dark potion". He had a lotte of pleesure to ear his victims cry, beg, moan (remember, he were blind). He maked a lotte off bad ssings.
PS: Profesor, I now zat my essay iz very strange, but Socratus telled me zat Plateau were a roman genius zat writted his stories in ze form of a dialogue. I hope you will ssink zat I am as inteligent as him.
August 15th, 2009, 1:57 pm
Horsruckuses : Not Nesessarily a Bad Thing
Horsruckuses are not bad. Their pretty good if you follow certain rulez..Prof, you might ask what rulez..Its simple. The rules are in the name of a Horsruckus.. It is simple cause in French hors is outside(or so maman says) and ruckus means, you know, garbage. So, its simple. The rulez for becoming a good horsruckus is to go outside of the garbage. So what is the garage, you might ask, Prof. Well, the garbage is those stingky,ugly, little things that make you say yew!!!! Say, ur friend has this yewy doll that is prettier that yours and you wanna avada it. Just remmember how yewwy it would look when when it becomes all green(from the spell's color) and yewwy.
I not now how do u split a soul.(the book does not say) But, I say that u take a scissors and u find ur soul(somehow) and u cut it in half. So since u’ve cut ur soul. U can safe the world since u cannot die!!!! Just like those heroes in the muggle world( U know the ones that mugles write for in the things called commic books) U’ll be like Parry Hotter. U’ll kill the bad guys like Voltemoor.
But keep ur hands from the garbage. If u do not then u’ll be like Voltemoor. Erybody will hate ur guts. In fact I’m sure that Voltemoor became so ugly 'cause he went inside the garbage that he was not s'ppose to touch. And then since nobody liked him because he was so stinky and ugly then he became like Dark Vador. Evil! So do not touch the garbage! Be outside of the garbage and u’ll be a good horsruckus and when u are a good horsruckus then u’ll save the world like Parry Hotter.When u do it then u’ll be a good, little horsruckus.
See, Prof, horsruckuses are not that bad when u do not touch those stinky, ugly, little, things called garbage.
The girl with dark hair who seats next to the girl who always wear ponnytales,
August 15th, 2009, 1:58 pm
Horcruxes : Not necessarily a bad thing
While some may argue that splitting your soul is evil, the part of the soul to be severed must first be considered. There are no black or white souls, merely shades of grey. If the black and evil part of the soul may be contained separately from the remainder then surely that can only be a good thing? Conversely an evil being could contain any good from their soul and become the most evil being in existence.
For the troll the black part of the soul must be considered their stupidity, by segregating the stupidity and containing it within a horcrux the troll may take their rightful place amongst the magical creatures. While some may argue that the creation of a horcrux prevents the spell caster from ever being truly human, the same cannot be said for those of troll heritage, for one was never human to begin with.
Killing is considered a rite of passage for a troll and must be achieved before his thirteenth birthday if he is to remain with his tribe. This could be incorporated into the creation of a horcrux and prevent further deaths in the future. Killing a person’s soul would also count, both for the purpose of proving their manhood and in creating a horcrux, therefore destroying a fellow troll’s horcrux to allow natural death could prevent further murders.
The troll, in essence, is a simple being and has no desire to live forever, with the stupidity banished from his conscious he shall know when the time is right and simply destroy the horcrux before meeting his fate. The argument that horcruxes are difficult to destroy is true for most wizards however due to the thickness of the troll’s skin they are able to procure basilisk venom without fear.
In conclusion, the idea that horcruxes should be viewed as evil and banned is obviously wrong, the use of such magic needs to be regulated and restricted to those who can use it for good, that of the troll, such as myself.
August 15th, 2009, 1:58 pm
Why a DADA Teacher Can't Lift The Curse, If there is a curse!
The reason why the teachers are not and can never left the curse on the subject is cause there is no curse to begin width. I truthfuly belive that it are just a rumor that spread cause of the unlucky the teachers on the subject or the professors that was hire was only temporary and no plans more than year in the past 50 years.
The most popular that was unlucky and was actualy had no chance to stay more a year to begin width was professor Gilderoy Lockhart. profesors lockhart lost his DADA job because he lost his memory and sufered umnesia, it was neber becused of a curse, it was is his own fault because of an accidental charm that back hit him. Even if there was no accident he would never last a school year because he a was joke and or coward, and back in his time there was this incident about the re-access of the chamber of the secrets, he would surely ran away wid his life.
Quirinus Quirrell case was evidence that it was no curse on the subject cause he was actually working with the he-who-must-be-not-named. If there true was a curse, then why why did he-who-must-be-not-named allow someone working for him for eneter the skul true a subject that he cursed, surely he knows it and it will result in failure. Now if he bannished the curse if there was one, then why did quirrel still dye? Because he was really just unlucky and not because of a curse.
Just like quirrel, another one same like him is professors Alastor Moody who actually was Barty Crouch Jr, he who also worked for the same can-not-named-master, he actuly had no plans to stay longer than a year, but was unlucky that he was cauht before he chance to left the skul. Now some may say that the cursed one was Moody cause he was the real one hired for the job, then if the subject by cursed by his master, why did not they took a different teacher? Because event his-not-named-master nows that it was not curse byt only rumor.
Now it was said that after Amycus Carrow the curse was no longer there because he-who-must-not-we-name is dead. For a fact, the professors did stay longer but is still not longer like other subjects. I remember the day when the famouse harry potter teached DADA as a guest teacher and not stay longer, it is fact that a teacher can teach for the subject but no plans to stay longer dan a year.
So to summarize it, the new professors may be luckier or better for the job and not actually loosers but there will time come that era or time that subjects will still have professors that will neber last a year and surely not cause a curse.
August 15th, 2009, 1:59 pm
Bogarts an there use at biorfdae potties
Bogarts r vewy usefull four many zings I doo doo. I generallely use the zings to scare peoples. Thay hapen to luv birday potties? Dit gets olllld after awhile. Which is why they love birday pottes. My expert experiences this is 2 b shared wif all y’all may b cominacal 2 sum, evile to the rested of yous.
Ze Bogart, ist a gr8 entertainemnt soorz four sum. Weather ist ist bing ussed to scar a where wolf
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Werewolf?
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: What?
Igor: There, wolf. There, castle.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Why are you talking that way?
Igor: I thought you wanted to.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: No, I don't want to.
Igor: [shrugs] Suit yourself. I'm easy.
Young Frankenstein- my favoritest moovie)
Or hairy potty~ or to embarrassk tha snap meister, nevile-sun and that hideous hatt, it is not nown y they enjoy the potty. Or evn y theys be used at one. One this is fo shizzle, is that dey don’t changes in2 your fear, but a big clown (unless u r afraid of clowns?)…
Bud hei- if u hav a kiddo afraid of a clown (my bro- the moronocus a. stupidcus he ist, I swere he shuld dance with the giant squiddy or ‘play’ wif the spiders of the forbiddon 4rest….)then let’ em b.
Now, Humphrey Bogart, is the most famous of the bogarts. His many films include: the maltese flaclon, zahara, to have this and not that, park dassage, the big sleep after newts,,, the treasure of sierra madre (4morly knows as- the treasure in potion masters smape nose,) , key largo (formerly known as big nose greasy slimy git) the harder they fall an the African queen ( also known as the yule ball queen).
Unfortunately, he died, paving the vay for many actors. Those actors ruined the film genre and so they should go crawl under some rockas an give back the money to the real actors.
Anywais, the kitty catty who said that they were goose eggs, told me not to say what they really are. But, they are little eggs with silly putty and meatloaf in thenm. Now, I will leve you all off with a snog:
Hello my baby
Hello my honey
Hello my ragtime gal
Send me a kiss by wire
Baby my heart's on fire
If you refuse me
Honey you loose me
Then you'll be
Oh baby telephone
And tell me I'm
Michigan J. Frog
an dat is y Bogarts r gr8 4 brifdae potties.
August 15th, 2009, 2:06 pm
Reasons Why A DADA Teacher Can’t Lift The Curse On The Subject
There are many teachable students at that magic school (I think it may be called Pig Moles). There are many things for those kiddies to learn while they wave those little sticks and say a few funny words. One of the most useful subjectives to take is that Defendy class. There’s funny rumors regarding that course and that is that the job is cursed. Well, if it is cursed shouldn’t the defendy teacher be able to lift the curse? If it was that heavy, they could use their wooden stick to lift it, right? Maybe there’s berriares blocking the curse so the teach couldn’t get rid of it? Maybe the old guy with the beard whos head is master of the school ( I wonder why his body isn’t master of the school too? Anyway his name is Dumbledore doesn’t want the teacher to set a bad exemple for the kiddies buy using something dark to lift the curse. Ah well, the head’s(not body)master must have an idea what is causing the curse and it could be that bad bald wizard, Lord Voldemort. See rumors have it that he put a curse on the subject so no one could last more than a year. If you ask me, that guy’s got serious issues. I mean, the head’s master must’ve had his reasons for not wanting Voldy to teach the subjective and who’s to blame the old man? It sounds like Voldy threw a hissy fit and put a curse on the job so no one else could teach it. I mean, hasn’t he ever heard that muggle saying try and try again? Well, no one probably knows the true reason why this subjective is cursed (expect perhaps the head’s master). But, if you ask me, it was due to Lord Voldemort’s anger issues. That dude should seriously take a chill pill.
August 15th, 2009, 2:08 pm
I is Gewaltig SCHENCK oF Rhine Lands
My riting of How tO counTer-fluch a Counters-fluchen
My essey is in 2 sections (1. At the beginning, 2. der Fluch, 3. Antworten-curse 4. Sackgasse!).
Abschnitt # 1: am Anfang!
In order for their to require CounterCUrse, First, a person is in need of der fluch! Upon recipt of der fluch, then ONE must schützen! Which is the whole perpose of the Klass of Schützen Entgegenarbeiten Darkarts! So, when one gets him or hers Angriff, then one must Plot an adequate Antwortschein!
Abschnitt # 2 der Fluch
Now that he / shes received their Fluch, they need to apply the geschick’s tought by our great DADA professor. It is quite likely that the first was not blockieren the original fluch first, and so time to Antworten-Curse. This is assuming this is real Konfrontation not a freundlich one. Of course
Abschnitt # 3 Antworten-Curse
Huhn die party of the first party attempts, Fluch die Partei der zweiten of the second party, and now is endevering to counter curse the first party, it is the application of pure klug, and fast Bewegungen that will overcome the flucht and gewinnen. However, one must take into account the probable counter curses for his first curse so as to prepare for probable Antworten, then choose from the available list of approved wählen!
And thus the Gegenfluch is achived through the application of both Sachkenntnis, and tenacious Geschwindigkeit!
Abschnitt # 4 End
And so it may be a bit zyklisch to the outside Beobachter (Muggle), it would be wize to Beachtung the teechings of our höchst DADA Lehrer.
Das Ende of my. Except for the other documents which are coming by Eule. They are simply addendum to this Aufsatz, containg the complete list of Ministry genehmigt Flüche. (as of the Zeit of this Dokument)
August 15th, 2009, 2:08 pm
Pixiese are the Moste Evoleste Beingse
by Nathanial Nosewipe
The Evile Pixies live in a small city in the Outer Hebradees and they are bourne out of green Eggs that look like chicken eggs and they hide the egss under trees so they dont get stood on! Mugles think the eggs are like Chicken eggs sept there green. Some of the eggs are red and they look like Duck eggs cos there red too. I rekon the ducks dont think there Duck Eggs. Ducks can tell the eggs are really Evile Pixies eggs! But maybe if the Duck where a really thick Duck, or if a Duck got hit on the hed by a brick or somthing!! A reelly stupid Duck would think a Pixees Egg was a a duck eggs and the really thick Duck would think that egg wos it’s own Egg wat it layered on and then the Duck might chase the Evile Pixies away and drown them in the pond!!! In collusion the Evile Pixies live in Outer Hebradees and they have green eeggs and they have Red Eggs and the Ducks in the Outer Hebredies are all dround in ponds. The End!!!
PS Mgonogall says I have write one hunred more words becuas I havnt writen any thing about wat Evile Pixies eat. I think it is obvius what Evile Pixiees eat they must eat eggs! Because all their is to eat in the Outer Beheadees are eggs wat Evile Pixies and what dukcs come from. And Eggs that Chikkens come from. The Eggs from chikkens that bourne them are not red egggs snd not grreen eggs and Pixies donet eat them what Chikkens come from. WOOT!!! THIS is Thre Hundred WORDS now and !! count as words cos I wroted them. I did. Yeah.
August 15th, 2009, 2:09 pm
The Dark Arts: Why Do They Exist?
Why do the Dark Arts axist? We’ll prolly never now. They probably exist becuz people got bored,
Cave wizards wood have been rely borad, without any Quidditch to play. The only sport avalible would’ve have been Muggle-bating. And in that case, points where probably given for creativity. they had to keep inventing new things to do to the Muggles or else even Muggle-baiting woulda got boreing too!
Aurers would be boared to tears and not have anything to do without Dark Arts and Dark Wizards to chase. And besaides, theirs only soo many kneazles you can rescue from trees b4 you go mad and start cursing everybody, you noe?
Dark Wizards would also been relly bored and not have anything to do without the Dark Arts they’d all have to sing karaoke and hold tupperware parties or something. I mean, Siriously, wut would You-No-Who have done without the Dark Arts? Knit doylies? Paint things for postcards? Open a candy shop? Now That wood be scarey!
and without Dark Wizards and Aurors, life would be very boaring becase thiere’d be no problems or conflict and everyone would be happy. and if Everyone was always happy and not doing anything, their wouldnt be any good stories to hear, because storeys about happy peeple being happy and having no problems are very boreing, becuse nothing intresting happens in them! Which would prolly either bore everyone to deaf (and there’d be lots of stinky dead bodies around becuz there wouldn’t not be anyone left to berry them cuz everyone would be ded because they where all so board that they couldnt go on) or else it would make people go mad and they would have to invent curses to curse people with, because lets face it, other methods of venting anger are simple unferior to the Darks Arts and nowhere near as satysfying
So, in conclusion, it was defiantly inevitable that the Dark Art would exist. either they was invented to relive boredom or they were invented so that people would have more affective better ways to vent they’re frustrations.