'Wild Heart of the Young'

Title: Wild Heart of the Young
Rating: PG-13
Outline: A quick fiction involving my favourite ‘fantasy’ pairing… Lily Potter, nee Evans, and Severus Snape. After Lily and James are killed, Severus reflects over the love he had for Lily and wonders what would have happened ‘if he had only known it then’.
Authors Notes: I know that Lily/Snape would have never happened. But I can have a dream, can’t I? It’s not better than Draco/Hermione and that is an accepted ship. I’m not to sure whether this will be one part or maybe several, if it turns out to be several I’ll post more when I need to ‘unclog’.

Oh, and seeing as though we don’t know what position James played, I’ve made him a seeker.

Feedback Please!!! (http://www.cosforums.com/showthread.php?p=509644#post509644)

I loved you like I'll never love another
With the wild heart of the young
But it took until now to uncover
Oh if I'd only known it then

Wild Heart of the Young: Karla Bonoff

The wind whispered around the almost empty graveyard. Middle aged couples came to pay their respects to parents, older women came to visit husbands, older men came to visit wives.

The only person who looked out of place was a tall man with shoulder length black hair that hung like a curtain in front of his face. He stood in front of the two freshest graves, shivering in the November wind.

The tombstones had been erected that morning. Flowers had already been laid on both graves, but Severus Snape had not come to lay flowers.

He had come to say goodbye. Lupin, no doubt, had left the flowers, as Black was hardly in a fit state to bring flowers. And Pettigrew… Snape didn’t know what to think about him. He had been following Black, on Dumbledore’s orders. Dumbledore knew that Black was bound to do something drastic. And blowing up Pettigrew and a street full of muggles was as drastic as he could get.

He pushed his hair out of his face and wiped his face angrily, stupidly thinking for a moment that it had started to rain.

‘It’s always hard at first,’ A woman to his left said, bending down and placing flowers on the grave next to where he stood. ‘When my Albert first died I could hardly come here. It’s easier now.’

She smiled up at him, before looking at the tombstones.

‘Poor things. They didn’t stand a chance, the house fell down that quickly. I wish I had known where their boy had ended up. He was the most darling thing. A mop of unruly black hair on his head and the brightest green eyes. Never seen eyes that bright.’

‘You obviously never saw Lily at her happiest,’ Snape murmured, a memory of thirteen year old Lily in the stands at Hogwart’s, watching as James caught the snitch and won the Quidditch Cup for Gryffindor.

‘Were you close to them?’

‘I knew them,’ Snape said shortly. The woman patted his arm and smiled.

‘The easiest way to forgive them for dying and to stop hating them for it is to talk to them. It’s how I accepted that Albert was gone.’

She turned and walked away, humming to herself. Snape looked down at the tombstone and felt his cheeks wetting again.

Lily Potter
1960-1981
Wife, mother, sister, friend
She will live forever

Lupin had no doubt been in charge of the tombstones. Black would never have written anything like that. But there was a time for wondering who had thought up the tombstones and now was not it.

‘Uh, hi, Lily,’ He started to say awkwardly. ‘I don’t really know why I’m talking because I know you can’t hear me and even if you could you wouldn’t want to. But this crazy old lady said that talking helps and that still doesn’t explain why I’m doing this.

‘Your son is safe. Dumbledore sent him to your sister’s. I know you wouldn’t approve, but it was Dumbledore’s orders and he’s always right. But I guess the biggest thing is that Pettigrew cornered Black who saw no way out but to kill Pettigrew, like he killed you. The MLE got him. Sent him to Azkaban for life. I guess we saw his true colours in the end…

‘I never meant to hurt you when I started following Voldemort. I don’t know why I did. I was young and stupid and at the time, it seemed like a good idea. I hope you’re not still mad at me, even though I know you are. You died mad with me and I don’t think I can ever forget that…

‘It’s funny, I’ve been wondering lately about what could have been different between me and you, if you had only been willing. But I know you loved James. But I loved you, Lily. I don’t think you ever believed me and things could have been so different if you had…

‘I think I’m going to go now. I’ve made an arse out of myself. Dumbledore’s offered me the potion’s job at Hogwart’s and I think I might take it. It’ll give me something to do and to think about, other than you.

‘Goodbye, Lil. I hope that wherever you are you’re happy. And that you and James are together. And I hope that you remember that I did love you, no matter what it looked like on the outside.’

He sighed heavily and turned around and started to walk away, not looking over his shoulder, feeling an odd sense of peace.

‘Like I said, talking helps,’ The woman said as he walked past where she sat. Snape looked at her and smiled. And for the first time in a long time, it wasn’t a forced smile. She smiled back at him, her green eyes shining in the sun, a few bits of red left in her snowy white hair. ‘Goodbye, Severus. I hope life brings you many fortunes.’

Authors Notes: You've gotta love how ideas come about sometimes... this chapter was half written whilst I was on the toilet. I wrote the second half whilst washing a shirt... don't ask me where it come from...

Ok, finally got the computer working again (one of these days...)

Six Months Previous

The wind howled around Severus as he plowed his way through the snow. Hogwart's was somewhere around here... he knew it... he had to get there... he wouldn't rest until he got there...

Suddenly, the ground sloped upwards and he ran into something solid. The fence that surronded Hogwart's. He had made it... after three solid days of travelling through the wind and snow, he had made it...

He felt around the fence, trying to find the main gate. His arm fell through a large gap and he breathed a sigh of relief. He slipped into the grounds and stumbeled up the driveway to the main doors. He raised a fist to knock and the door was suddenly open.

Minerva McGonagall was facing him, her mouth set in a thin line.

'Professor Dumbledore has been expecting you.'

~*~

Up the marble staircase, down several long stone corridors... Severus didn't realise how much he had missed Hogwart's. It hadn't been long since he had roamed it's halls as a student, but it seemed like an age ago.

McGonagall led him up the moving staircase to Dumbledore's office and let him in. He stood inside, shaking slightly from the cold and fear.

'Good evening, Severus,' Dumbledore said in his usual even tone voice. 'Please, be seated.'

He crossed the room silently and sat down in the chair oppisite Dumbledore and reluctantly raised his head and looked his old headmaster in the eyes.

'I understand you wish to speak with me,' He continued and Severus nodded.

'I've... i've been a fool...' He muttered, avoiding eye contact. 'I... I didn't know where else to go...'

'You shall sleep here, tonight,' Dumbledore said and with a wave of his wand conjured up a bed. 'You are tired from your journey over the last three years.'

'Three years?' Severus asked.

'It has been three years since you left Hogwart's,' Dumbledore said evenly. 'Sleep, Severus. Tomorrow, we shall talk.'

He allowed himself to be guided to the bed and he gratefuly fell into it and was soon asleep.

~*~

Author (again): I'll finish this chapter later... this should do for now...

Authors Notes: Alright, here's the rest of the chapter (I promised, didn't I???)

~*~

'They all must die.'

'My lord... the woman... she does not pose a threat... it's the man and the boy that you want...'

'The woman does not pose a threat?'

'The man and the boy will have power combined to destroy you... the woman is worthless...'

'Very well, Snape... I shall not harm the woman...'

Severus sat bolt upright and stared wildly around, taking a few moments to realise that he was safe. He was no longer in Voldemort's service... in just a few hours he would tell Dumbledore everything he knew...

He fell back against the pillows and back into his nightmare...

~*~

'I wish to give you information,' Severus said, shaking slightly, staring into Dumbledore's eyes. Dumbledore stared back over the top of his hands.

'You may speak, Severus. I shall not interupt.'

'The Potter's are in danger. The Dark Lord wishes to kill them. Him and the boy, anyway. The woman is safe... to a degree.'

Dumbledore lowered his hands and stared at Severus over his half moon glasses.

'Does anyone know of your journey to me?' He asked sharply and Severus shook his head. 'You will need to go back to the Death Eaters.'

'But-'

'You will need to go back and keep me informed,' Dumbledore said, overridding his protests.

'And what will I get in return?'

Dumbledore allowed himself to smile, even slightly. Slytherin students were always the same.

'Permanent employment at the end of the war. I could use you at Hogwart's, Severus. Plus, you will be an assest to the Order.'

'The Order?'

'The Order of the Pheonix,' Dumbledore said, indicating to Fawkes. 'All our introduced spy's have been killed or are missing. I hope that the same will not happen to you.'

Authors Notes: Sorry it's taken me so long to get this part up. I've actually started another Lily/Snape fic which i'll be posting tonight, another one that will be updated occasionally.

~*~

Three days later after travelling back through the trecherous snow, Severus was back in London. The journey back had seemed to take no time at all, as Severus's mind had been spinning over what Dumbledore had told him.

Severus Snape was no longer a loyal Death Eater. Severus Snape was now the most needed member of the Order of the Pheonix. He had told Dumbledore everything he knew. Well, almost everything...

He did not feel that Dumbledore needed to know why Lily was not in danger. He had convinced Dumbledore that he did not know himself, but the entire time he had been speaking, his conversation with the Dark Lord himself echoed in his head.

He found his way through the snow to his tiny cramped flat. After leaving Hogwart's it had been a shock for him to discover that the luxery he had grown used to with his family was not possible in the real world, especially without a regular paying job. The cheapest place he could find was actually a muggle flat, a fact he had never admitted to anyone.

He caught his reflection in the mirror as he entered his bedroom and realised he looked like hell. He would have to clean himself up, of course. He was expected at Malfoy Manor at 8pm for dinner with his fellow Death Eaters and a planning meeting. He hoped that no one had noticed his absence over the last nine days.

Flinging himself backwards onto his bed, Severus used his wand to summon a heavy book from wherever it had hidden itself. It landed in front of him on the bed and he sat up and pulled it into his lap and flicked through to the last page.

His entire seventh year class was smiling and waving to him. Some of the faces were blurred, the faces of those who had died...

He didn't know how he had ended up in the company of the Death Eater's. It had seemed like a cool thing to do. Everyone else was doing it.

Severus was never going to be like everyone else again.

Authors notes: Sorry it's been so long since I wrote anything on this... I kinda forgot about it... so here's another bit...

~*~

The next month past in a haze for Severus. He had kept in close contact with DuUmbledore, informing him of everything he could. No one had seemed to notice that he had vanished for nine days straight and now he was certain that no one would.

He had also began to keep a close eye on the Potter's. He had discovered a charm that would make him temporarily invisible and once a week, or more if he could manage it, he would cast the charm on himself and watch the Potter's from a safe distance. It was all he could do. He had convinced the Dark Lord that Lily was not worth harming. He desperatly wished that he could talk to Lily, tell her everything he knew... they had been close once, a very long time ago...

Finally, as May faded into June, he got his chance to speak with her...

The sun was shining brilliantly as Severus sat in the Godric's Hollow park. Children were running around excitedly, celebrating the start of summer, as their parents sat on benches like the one Severus was on.

He did not see Lily until she was almost level with him. She was pushing a pram, her red hair shining in the sun, her entire face smiling. She walked right past him and he watched her for a moment, before following her. He waited until the crowd thinned out and reached forward and grabbed her elbow lightly.

She jumped as she turned around to face him and then had to brace herself with the pram to stop herself from falling down.

'Severus?' She whispered faintly, her hand clasped over her mouth. 'Wh- what are you doing here?'

'I came to see you,' He said hoarsely. 'I had to.'

'We can't be seen together,' She hissed. 'D'you have any idea what James would say if someone told him that you were here?'

'Oh, I have a fair idea,' He said bitterly. Lily looked carefully around them.

'Tomorrow at lunchtime, in the Arms. Meet me then.'

And with the pram clattering merrily, she hurried off, looking back over her shoulder every few seconds.

Authors Notes: Yeah, I know, it's short. After three months I think it's a good effort :p

~*~

Being lunchtime, the pub was crowded. Severus sat nervously up the back, cradeling the same beer he had bought when he walked in, earning him hard looks from the barman. He checked his watch. 12:30. He drained the last of his drink, cursing himself for believing that she would meet with him. She wasn't coming.

He stood up and collected the decrepit coat he had bought with him, despite the fact it was June and slowly pulled it on. As he did, the door opened in a blaze of sunlight, illuminating a tall woman, with deep red hair.

Lily.

She wove her way over to where he was, looking nervously over her shoulder on every step. He was relieved to see that she hadn't bought the child. She sat down in the seat facing the door and Severus sat down facing her.

'Would you like a drink?'

'No. I shouldn't be here,' she said softly, looking nervously down at her hands which were clasped on the table. Severus reached over and laid his hands over hers, but she snatched them off the table.

'Sorry,' he muttered.

'Why are you here?'

'I- I had to speak to you,' he said and her eyes flashed dangerously.

'I don't want to talk,' she said. 'I know what you are.'

Her words cut through Severus like a knife, he felt lost of breath, he felt like he was going to pass out.

Lily stood up and brushed past him on her way to the door. He reached out and grabbed a handful of the muggle dress she was wearing. Her hand snapped back, as if to slap him, but she lowered it at the last second.

'Please, Lily. Please, just listen to me.'

She regarded him for a moment, her hard expression softening slightly. She sighed heavily and sat back down oppisite him.

'Alright then.'

It was now Severus's turn to sigh- she obviously wasn't going to make this easy on him.

'I know what you think I am,' he said slowly. 'I- I wish I could tell you it wasn't true. But it is. But it isn't at the same time.'

'What are you getting at?'

'I was one of them. Was. I- I know I was wrong. I am on your side now, Lily.'

'And you expect me to believe you?' She hissed, narrowing her eyes. 'What proof have you got?'

'Dumbledore's word,' Severus said quietly. 'In May I spoke with him- he offered me employment once this war is over. Trust me, Lily. I am no longer one of them.'

After what seemed like an age, Lily looked up and stared him straight in the eyes.

'I trust you,' she said slowly, not looking away. 'I always have.'

Authors Notes: Two in one night- you're very lucky :p

~*~

'Has Dumbledore told you?' Severus asked as soon as he knew he had her trust. She nodded slowly.

'He- he told us that- that he's after us. That we must hide.'

'He's not after you.'

'What?'

'He will not harm you. I assure you of that.'

The dangerous look came over her face again and Severus ploughed on.

'I- I convinced him you are not worth harming. Only James and Harry are in danger.'

She stood up so quickly that her chair went flying back and tipped over, smashing it's back legs.

'Why?' She asked, her eyes flashing. 'Why did you get him not to harm me? What about Harry and James? Is this because of some stupid schoolboy grudge?'

'If I knew that I wouldn't endanger my life by telling him not to take James and Harry, then I would. It already looks like I care too much.'

'And do you?'

'Do I what?'

'Care too much.'

Severus avoided her eyes. She knew the answer as well as he did.

'Well, stop caring. I don't need you to care for me. I'm perfectly capable of caring for myself,' she picked her purse up from the table. 'Good day, Severus.'

Severus watched her go, a numb feeling seeping through his bones. He couldn't let her just walk away like that- he had to stop her, he had to tell her- well, he didn't know what he had to tell her, he just knew she couldn't walk out like that.

He pushed his half drunk drink away from him and stood up, pushing his way through the crowd of people and out into the dazelling sunlight. There was no sign of where she had gone- she had vanished.

'Dam/n,' he muttered, turning to head back into the pub. An arm shot out from the bush beside the pub door and pulled him into the bush.

He barely had time to recover from the shock before he felt a pair of soft lips collide with his own.

Several Years Earlier

It was springtime at Hogwarts and the grounds had never looked more spectacular. Hagrid and Professor Sprout had planted as many plants as they could fit and most of the school had been turned into a jungle- and the students were loving it.

Severus stood at the top of the stairs leading out onto the grounds and slung his bag over his shoulder. He walked quickly down the stairs, wanting to try and avoid Potter and his gang- they'd taken up surprise attacks again and it was taking all of Severus's self control not to hurt them badly.

He walked into the 'forest' and took up his normal position in one of the low lying bushes. Potter hadn't found him there yet. He was just setteling in for a nice afternoon, when the branches parted. By instinct he drew his wand and was about to curse the intruder into oblivion, but before he could do anything, the person had taken his wand. Severus's mind cleared and he found himself face to face with Lily Evans, the girl that Potter was always chasing. She was immensely beautiful up close- her red hair was shining in the few patches of sunlight that made it through the branches of the bush and her bright green eyes were alight and she was smiling.

Before Severus could say anything, Lily had bent her head down and captured his lips in a kiss which left him breathless. When they broke apart she smiled at him and slid back through the bush.