A High Price (AU - With Snape)

A High Price

By: Barbara Kennedy

Disclaimer: This story is a total creation of my mind but the characters belong to J.K. Rowling. It is probably totally Alternate Universe, so if anything I put in here doesn’t match up with any of the books, tough luck, just take my word for it that it happened in this reality.

This is going to be almost totally from Snape’s point of view. I’m not sure where the story will end up yet either. It’s a bit dark and angsty, but maybe something good will come of it.

This is for everyone that has been asking for me to write another story. Here you go.

~*~*~*~*
Chapter one - Aftermath
*~*~*~*~

An explosion, fire, noise, pain, crushing, fear, darkness.

Drifting, floating, more pain, light, voices, cool liquid flowing into my mouth and carrying me to quiet darkness again.

Movement, darkness, voices, lights, pain, floating, water on my skin, cool liquid on parched lips, voices calling me, pain, spinning back to darkness.

Voices calling and a cool cloth on my face bring me back to some awareness again. I turn my head slightly and moan, a voice calls my name again. “Severus? Poppy, I think he is waking.”

A glass is lifted to my dry lips and I eagerly swallow whatever is offered.

I can sense light through my closed eyelids. It is bright, so it must be daytime. My whole body feels weighted down. I slowly open my eyes as I become accustomed to the light but it still hurts my eyes.

“Severus, dear boy, can you hear me?”

I recognize the voice, Albus Dumbledore.
I cough and my dry throat is raspy as I whisper. “Yes, I hear you, Albus.” I slowly focus and his worried face becomes clearer. He lifts my head and brings the glass to my lips again. This time it is not water, but a healing potion. Some of the heaviness leaves my body as I drink it but my limbs still seem leaden.

“Why can’t I move?”

Madam Pomfey appears in my line of sight. “It is only an Immobilius Charm, Severus. You were terribly hurt in an explosion. A large beam fell across you, breaking your legs and pelvis, among… among other injuries. You have been kept immobile so you can heal properly. You have been unconscious for three days. We were afraid you had been deafened by the blast as well. You were bleeding from your ears when you were dug out of the rubble.”

“I don’t remember much of it. All I remember…is…. Children, Albus, there were little children there! Albus, we - the Death Eaters, we were….”

His quiet voice assures me. “Calm down, Severus. They all got away safely. You were the only one hurt when the explosion happened. You didn’t make it to the door before something in the house exploded from the fire and the house collapsed on you. By some miracle you weren’t burned.”

“I had cast a Fire-Protection Charm - on my cloak before I - went back in after – after the others left.”

I’m beginning to tire, the effort of speaking is too hard and the memories are disturbing. I close my eyes.

“Severus! Severus, don’t go back to sleep yet. You need to take a couple more potions.” Poppy lifts my head gently and brings a flask to my lips, the liquid is thick as cream, but gritty. I swallow it with difficulty as it hurts the dry tissues of my throat. “It is a bone-knitting draught. It will speed your recovery. I didn’t think you were strong enough for it before. Now here, you can wash it down with a sleeping potion. You should be much stronger when you wake up tomorrow.”

My eyes are closed and the darkness pulls me into its embrace once more, but I can still hear their voices before I am fully asleep.

“Don’t you think we should have told him about the rest of his wounds, Poppy?’

“No, I don’t think he was strong enough to hear about it yet, Albus…….”

To Be Continued……
~~~~~~~~
Feedback is always appreciated.Here (http://www.cosforums.com/showthread.php?t=28170) is the new link to my feedback thread. I always thought it made more sense to put it after the end of the chapter. :lol:
I can’t promise daily updates like some of the Authorteers, but I’ll try to give them as often as possible, fair enough?

Well , here is the next bit I promised for today.
I'm afraid it won't be something you all like.
It is also terribly short. More will come soon though.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Chapter 2 – The Price Revealed
~*~*~*~*~*~*~


The first thing I am aware of as I wake this time is the sound of footsteps of someone briskly walking past my bed and then the sound of curtains being flung open.

I open my eyes and am able to focus easily this time in spite of the bright sunlight streaming in the open curtains, which still hurts my eyes. I still am unable to move much more than to turn my head slightly, but the overwhelming weakness has left me.

I hear a door open. Albus walks into my sight next to my bed. “Hello Poppy. I thought I’d pop in to see how he’s doing. Ah, I’m glad to see you’re awake, Severus.”

Madam Pomfrey pops into view on the other side of my bed. “Good morning, Professor. You’ll be glad to know you probably won’t need to be kept under the Immobilius Charm after today. Thanks to the bone-knitting draught your pelvic and leg bones are almost healed now, but you still have some tissue damage that will take a few days yet to completely heal.”

“I am glad to hear that, Madam Pomfrey, but what about these ‘other wounds’ I heard you both discussing it as I fell asleep yesterday?”

“Oh dear, you heard that did you?” Poppy sounded strangely distressed and exchanged one of those ‘meaningful looks” with Albus.

“Come now, Poppy, did I obtain yet another scar or two that you think will distress me? I doubt I will look any worse than I did before. You said that I wasn’t burned, so it can’t be that bad. I’m not going to scare the ickle firsties am I?”

“Severus, please, it isn’t easy to tell you this. You were very close to the source of the explosion when it occurred. Do you remember what you were doing immediately before it happened?”

“No I don’t and what does that have to do with it?”

I am starting to lose my temper at their avoidance of answering my simple question. Why is it that hard to answer? What could possibly be wrong?

Albus lays his hand on my shoulder and leans over me, looking me straight in the eyes. I notice his eyes are not twinkling. Where is that accursed cheerful twinkle now when I suddenly really need to see it?

Severus, in the explosion you lost…” He pauses as if he can’t bring himself to say it. He swallows and tries again. “Severus, your left arm was severed just below the elbow. They never found it after the fire.”

All I can do is stare numbly into his eyes for a moment, then a scream wells up from the bottom of my soul and cannot be contained.

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

I fall unconscious again.

To be continued.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I know, I know, you all hate me now. So leave feedback and tell me.
Here (http://www.cosforums.com/showthread.php?t=28170) is the new link to my feedback thread.

10/30/04 - I just went through this chapter and fixed things like the way I indicated stressed words and thoughts to make it easier to read. I'll be getting it done in all the chapters eventually.


A High Price

By: Barbara Kennedy

Disclaimer: This story is a total creation of my mind but the characters belong to J.K. Rowling. It is probably totally Alternate Universe, so if anything I put in here doesn’t match up with any of the books, tough luck, just take my word for it that it happened in this reality.

This is going to be almost totally from Snape’s point of view. I’m not sure where the story will end up yet either. It’s a bit dark and angsty but maybe something good will come of it.

AN: My Severus-muse fought me over this chapter ever since I finished the last one. I had to rewrite it three times! Then I decided, if he wasn’t going to cooperate, I’d just write it into the story and it all came together.

indicates thoughts
>sound effect<
stressed words

~~~***~~~
CHAPTER 3 – A Helping Hand
***~~~***

I don’t want to wake up.

“Severus?”

What purpose is there in ever waking again? There is only pain and desolation for me there.

“Come on Professor Snape, please, wake up. There is no reason you should still be unconscious.”

I dive even deeper into the darkness, but they persist in calling my name, wanting me to come to them.

“Wake up. You must eat something, it has been five days and you will starve if you don’t eat soon. You won’t heal any more until your body gets food, Severus. You are beginning to waste away.”

I don’t care, go away.

I try to shut out the voices.

Just leave me alone!

“Alright, Severus, you leave me no choice.”

Suddenly I am being jerked out of my dark hiding place like a fish on a hook.

I recognize the effects of an Enervate; I’ve had plenty of them used on me during my lifetime as well.

Still, I refuse to open my eyes. I’m afraid they will see my weakness, my fear, my tears.

I don’t want their pity.

Won’t they just go away and leave me alone?

Why did they even try to save me? What use am I now, to myself or anyone else?

Someone shakes my right shoulder and, before I realize I can move now, I lash out blindly with my right hand.

>Smack<

I struck . . . someone. Who did I just hit?

I quickly open my eyes now because I must know who I hit.

There beside me stands Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster of Hogwarts, hatless, holding his nose, his glasses askew on his face and his eyes are watering. He has a very surprised look on his face.

Oh no, I’ve hit the Headmaster, but I cannot say I’m sorry, actually, I’m almost glad.

I needed to hit something and I still want to lash out and make them leave me alone.

“Petrificus Totalis!” Poppy has placed me under a full body bind. “Severus! Stop it, calm yourself! Albus, are you hurt?”

“No Poppy, nothing is broken, I’m just surprised, not hurt. Really, Severus, if that’s the worst you can do dear boy, I can see why Poppy is so worried about you.”

He looks amused instead of mad, as I would have expected him to be if someone had just punched him in the face.

I cannot even speak while under the full body bind, so I just glare at him.

“Now, Severus, I know you have suffered a traumatic loss, but it is not the end of the world. Your wounds have almost healed, it is time to stop feeling sorry for yourself and work at regaining your strength. You have your classes to teach and the Slytherins need someone to guide them. You are still their Head of House.”

He motions his hand at me and Poppy’s spell is broken.

“How the HELL am I supposed to teach with ONE HAND, Albus? How can I even do a simple potion? How can I hope to survive if . . .”

I am screaming at him and find myself waving my arms until . . .

I see . . .

my left arm . . .

minus a large part of it.

There is still a bandage wrapped around the stump below my elbow.

I stop and stare at it. Anything I was about to say goes completely from my mind.

I find myself shivering and gasping for breath.

I wasn’t prepared for this, how could I be?

Bloody hell! I am not going to cry! I will not show weakness!

My vision blurs as tears threaten to leak from my eyes in spite of my effort at self control.

I try to deny what I see, it cannot be real, but it is.

My voice is only a whisper. “M – Mer – Merlin’s beard, Albus, it – it really is gone – I . . .”

Seeing my shock, Albus interrupts me in a louder voice than usual, obviously demanding my full attention. He looks very stern.

“SEVERUS! Listen to me. You can teach and do potions and anything, within reason, that you could do before your accident. You still have your wand hand. As for anything else, you will just need to use some new tools to assist you, much like this one.”

While Dumbledore is speaking, Poppy carefully measures what I recognize as a Calming Potion into a glass from a tray near my bed. Since I am shaking so badly, she raises my head and brings the glass to my lips, making sure I drink all of it.

Albus leans down and picks up a long case from under my bed and places it on the foot of the bed next to me.

It looks like a long and narrow black chest, embellished with a colorful Hogwarts crest flanked on each side by a Slytherin snake and a phoenix, all positioned in the center of the top.

By the time Albus opens the case, the potion takes affect. I have ceased shivering and I can somewhat control myself again.

I lower my arm and slide it back under the covers so I don’t see it. I’m willing to listen to whatever hope he has to offer, for now.

“Quite a few people got together to create this for you after they heard what happened to you and how you were hurt. Many of them are students, Severus, but not all, as you might surmise from the fine case they made for it as well. I will admit that I helped just a little.”

He reaches into the case and presents me with - an arm. It is made of a highly-polished dark wood, much like the ebony of my wand, with what appears to be a padded black dragon skin ‘cup’ to fit over the end of my stump. It looks much like a fine carving of my own missing left hand down to the nails on each finger.

I’m secretly touched and impressed by the fine work that must have gone into its creation, but I cannot see its purpose aside from cosmetic appearances. An illusory Glamour would do as well to hide my deformity.

“Just how is this wooden ‘thing’ going to help me to do all that, Albus?”

“There are several permanent charms on it to make it easier for you to wear and use, Severus. When you are wearing it, you can even pick up something as fine as a single hair, as fragile as an eggshell or lift a heavy cauldron with it. Although it will move almost like your own hand, I’m afraid you won’t be able to feel much with it. You will be able to tell when you are touching something, and how hard, but I’m afraid you won’t be able to tell if it is hot or cold, smooth or rough. You will have to use your other hand to feel those things”

I’m speechless. That is an incredible amount of effort put into this gift in so short a time. I’m sure the look on my face said volumes to Dumbledore. Perhaps I do see a glimmer of hope for my future.

“Who thought of such a remarkable thing? Was it you, Albus?”

“It was very much a group effort my boy, but the initial idea can be credited to Miss Hermione Granger, I believe. She approached me and proposed that this be made for you after the news of your accident. I suggested that she should enlist people from all the school houses and the Order to help with the project and I volunteered my help as well.”

“Do you mean to tell me she got all four of the Houses to cooperate on this?”

“Yes, Severus, she did, as well as persuading a number of the teachers here at the school to help out.”

Poppy breaks in. “That is enough for right now Headmaster, you can explain the rest later. Severus needs to eat while he still has strength to do so. Put it away please.”

“Yes, Madam Pomfrey, you are right. I don’t want to overtax Severus.” He takes the arm and puts it back in its case, then slides it back under my bed.

She turns to me with a stern warning in her eyes.

“Severus, you need to let your arm heal a while longer before you can try your new prosthetic hand. For now, you need to eat and drink so you can heal some more. I don’t dare give you any more sleeping or healing potions just yet. You are too weak now from starving for four days. Your body has no reserves left after the healing it has already done and you are getting dehydrated.”

[Author’s note; I believe the potions need something to work with.]

She sets a tray in front of me and props me up with pillows. I feel some pain as I am moved, a reminder of other injuries not yet fully healed. “Eat. You should have no trouble managing it. Finish everything on the tray, then you must rest some more.”

At least everything on the tray is manageable one-handed and chosen to be nutritious yet easy on the stomach. I am hungrier than I can remember being in a long time, so I do as she says without much resistance.

“How about it, Severus, shall I tell the Slytherins that you will be back soon? They do seem worried about you.”

“Yes, alright, Albus, you can tell them that I will be able to see them sometime soon.”

Albus looks much relieved at my agreement and smiles again.

After I finish eating, Albus takes his leave and I soon fall asleep again.

To be continued….
_______________________

Feedback is always appreciated.Here (http://www.cosforums.com/showthread.php?t=28170) is the new link to my feedback thread.

10/30/04 Reformatted this chapter a bit too.
A High Price

By: Barbara Kennedy

Rating - PG

Disclaimer: This story is a total creation of my mind but the characters belong to J.K. Rowling. It is probably totally Alternate Universe, so if anything I put in here doesn’t match up with any of the books, tough luck, just take my word for it that it happened in this reality.



thoughts
stressed words

**~~**~~**~~**
Chapter Four – A Small Setback
**~~**~~**~~**


//The dream//

I feel panic rise, my pulse racing.

Flames crackle; lick up the walls and across the ceiling.

Lungs burning! Hold your breath, don’t breathe the fire.

Is everyone out? Run! Get out!

Turning, turning, searching.

Oh God, can’t see, too much smoke!

Must risk left hand, feeling for some way out, skin blistering in the heat.

Merlin help me, where’s the bloody door?

I can’t find the door! I’m trapped! LET ME OUT!

-KAHBLOOM!-

//End dream//


I wake screaming in a blind panic, scrambling to get away.

-THUNK-

I’ve rolled and fallen out of the bed backwards - headfirst.
My legs are tangled in the covers, suspending me upside-down from the bed. I’m still panicked and disoriented, twisting and struggling weakly to get loose from the tangle in spite of the jolt of pain shooting through my left leg, hip and side. With eyes clenched tight, I’m still screaming in fear of being trapped in the fire.

“SEVERUS! Poppy, come quickly, he’s fallen out of bed.”
I hear Professor McGonagall’s voice above the pounding of my heart and my own hoarse cries. It is enough to make me stop screaming. I hear sobbing and realize it is my own.

How did I get here? What happened?

I open my eyes, but the world is slanted and spinning. My shoulders are touching the floor, arms flung to the sides, my head and lower body throbbing with pain.

McGonagall reaches me first and tries to calm me. “Severus, stop struggling, you will only hurt yourself.”

Madam Pomfrey’s voice comes at the same time.
“Immobilius, Wingardium Leviosa!”

I am unable to move and find myself floating up from the floor to settle back onto the bed.

My head is still throbbing and the movement makes me nauseous.

Poppy barely finishes her “Finite Incantatem” when I gasp “Sick” and just manage to lurch over the right edge of the bed to vomit on the floor.

A cool hand on my shoulder holds me steady as I retch weakly, another hand pulling hair back from my face and supporting my head until the retching stops and I lie there panting.

I don’t have strength to turn myself over, so the cool hands pull me over to lie on my pillows again. It is Minerva McGonagall, looking slightly green herself, who has supported me and kept me from falling out of the bed again. Her usually-stern face looks shocked.

Is this the first time she has seen me since the accident? At least she has the good grace to look me in the eyes and not stare at my arm.

Poppy clears the mess away with a quick “Evanesco” and turns to the tray on the table near my bed. “Here drink this, slowly now, it will settle your stomach.” A cup is offered and I drink. It tastes of honey, mint and ginger. I recognize a simple yet effective herbal tea stomach remedy. It also effectively gets rid of the nasty taste left in my mouth.

My breathing is still rapid, with a hitch that sounds like a sob, and I’m still quivering with reaction to the nightmare that caused all this in the first place. There are tears on my face.

I am embarrassed to be seen in this weakened state, but, at the moment, I don’t have the energy for my usual temper. I just close my eyes, wishing that both the pain and my witnesses would go away.

Poppy washes my face with a cloth she has produced from somewhere then takes my wrist to check my pulse, which is fast. I open my eyes again and she looks closely at them, pulling back each eyelid for a clear view. “Severus are you in pain anywhere, did you hit your head when you fell?

I speak quietly, afraid that the noise will hurt my head. “Yes, in back, if I move it makes me nauseous, but.... I don’t think I’ll vomit again. If I keep my head still, the room almost stops spinning. My left side hurts most; around hip and thigh more than everywhere else.”

“Before I move you any more, let me see what damage has been done. Just lie still and try to calm down. I take it you had a nightmare?”

My answer, “Yes, the fire.” is barely a whisper. I close my eyes again and try to control my breathing.

I hear Poppy chant her diagnostic charms and move slowly around the bed. Minerva’s footsteps move away, giving her room to work.

“You’ve got a bit of concussion, I’m afraid, Severus. I’m sorry; I shouldn’t have moved you so fast. It is what made you nauseous. I’m glad to say you haven’t suffered any other damage, but you have slightly stressed your pelvic fracture, but not so much that I will need to immobilize you again. The rest of your pain can be blamed on a lot of old bruises and some damaged muscles that are going to take a bit longer to heal.”

“Damaged muscles too? Madam Pomfrey, am I even going to be able to walk?”

“Yes, of course you will, Severus, as soon as your muscles and your pelvis fully heal it won’t be too long before you will be able to stride down the halls as rapidly as you ever could, but you need to remember that you had something like a good sized tree fall on you. Mercifully, your leg bones are almost completely healed. We will need to work with your muscles a bit as they heal, but we can’t start any of that until you regain some strength. Take one step at a time Severus.”

“I didn’t realize all that, Poppy, no one has told me yet what happened. I don’t remember. . . The last thing I knew was. . . I think. . . I think I remember the explosion, but nothing after.”

Poppy pours yet another potion into a glass and brings it to my lips. “Don’t worry about it right now Severus. Here, this is for your pain. We need to get some food to stay in your stomach now so I can give you another Healing Potion. I’m also going to give you some Pepper-up Potion. You need to stay awake for a while so I can at least get some sweetened tea into you.”

“If you think all that will stay down, I’m willing to try, Poppy. Truthfully, I’m really not in a hurry to go back to sleep just yet.”

She nods and turns to pour the next potion into the glass and brings it to me as well.

Minerva steps forward again. “Is there anything else I can do to help, Poppy?”

“Yes there is Minerva, would you mind having a tray brought up for Severus, with tea and perhaps some soup and dry toast?”

“I’d be glad to Poppy.” Minerva turns to me and speaks gently. “Is there anything else you would like Severus?”

I’m not even sure I will be able to handle what has been requested, though the potions I’ve just taken are not threatening to make a re-appearance.

“No thank you, Minerva.”

She leaves with an unexpected expression directed at me. I realize it isn’t pity that I see in her face, but friendly encouragement. It somehow makes me feel calmer.

As soon as Minerva leaves, Poppy begins to untangle me from the covers and settle them over me again. I then realize, as Poppy slightly levitates me to pull the sheet from under my hips, that the covers are the only thing preserving what small shred of dignity I might have left. The only bit of clothing I’m wearing is an open-backed hospital gown and it too is twisted and bunched up until it covers very little. Discretely, Poppy straightens it out as well.

“Perhaps I should have asked for my nightshirt?”

She continues tucking the covers around me as she answers. “No, Severus, there are, shall we say, practical reasons you are wearing this gown until you can walk to the toilet on your own. I won’t elaborate because I’m sure you can figure it out.”

I realize the reasons and flush with a bit of embarrassment again. “Hades hinges, I hate being so bloody helpless.”

“Don’t worry Severus. You are safe here. The Headmaster was adamant about bringing you directly here from St. Mungo’s immediately after they were finished with your emergency treatment.”

I’m not sure if I really want to talk about the incident but I feel the need to ask. “Then, I wasn’t brought directly here? You weren’t the one who. . . who had to take my arm, are you?”

“Thank goodness, no Severus. The report I read of your treatment said there wasn’t much they could do besides cleaning and closing what was left.”

A shudder takes me at her words and the image they evoke. Have I lost all control of myself?

“That is enough about that now, Severus. You might like to know, I thought the Headmaster was about to challenge the hospital administrator to a duel before they would release you to Dumbledore and myself. Dumbledore had apparated there as soon as he got word of what had happened and that you were close to dying but had been apparated to the Emergency Room. He floo-called me then to prepare to bring you back here. He was afraid that He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named would be sending Death Eaters after you if we left you there.”

Gods, the Dark Mark, why have I not seen that it is gone as well as my arm? Did the explosion scramble my brain entirely?

I pull my left arm from under the covers to stare at the bandages on it as if seeing my loss for the first time all over again. Poppy stops speaking, surprised by my sudden gesture.

“Madam Pomfrey, is there any part of the Dark Mark left on my arm?”

I didn’t think there could be, it had been nearer my wrist than the part that remained.

“No Severus, that was part of the reason Dumbledore feared for your life. He didn’t know if You-Know-Who would be aware that you were no longer branded with his Mark."

To Be Continued. . .
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I already have chapter five started so, hopefully I can get it done soon. It started out as a part of this chapter, but didn't reallly seem to belong with this part.
Please leave feedback.
Here (http://www.cosforums.com/showthread.php?t=28170) is the new link to my feedback thread.

Sorry - I really meant to get to the part about what happened the night of the fire, but the longer I wrote the more my Severus-muse wanted to say and he made me write it, or he wasn’t going to continue the story – pushy little muse. So this winds up being a “filler” chapter. I almost have the next part all written but it will have to be a separate chapter. At least it will be posted sooner than this one was.

10/30/04 -finished reformatting up to this chapter. Rest assured I AM actually going to continue this story. I have seen in doing this reformat that the story has been idle for a year. I'm embarrassed....


thoughts
stressed words


** ** ** **
Chapter five – A Setback continued
** ** ** **

(Continued from last chapter)
“Madam Pomfrey, is there any part of the Dark Mark left on my arm?”

I didn’t think there could be, it had been nearer my wrist than the part that remained.

“No Severus that was part of the reason Dumbledore feared for your life. He didn’t know if You-Know-Who would be aware that you were no longer branded with his Mark.

This revelation stuns me. It is possible that the Dark Lord knows. He always claimed he could sense things about his Death Eaters because we bore the Mark.

When I had first turned away from his service, it always made me anxious that he would be able to tell, through whatever connection there may have been, that I was no longer the “faithful follower” he still believed me to be, that I was spying on him.

As time passed I figured out that he could not sense everything about his Death Eaters from their connection to him through the Dark Mark, but he could sense some things.

What could he sense about us through it? Perhaps it varies from individual to individual? He apparently could always sense, even if only vaguely, whether his marked Death Eaters were alive or not.

I know this much only because I have been in his presence when he sensed the death of some of his men and lashed out at those he deemed responsible for their failure, myself included.

I once thought it was that connection that allowed him to know when someone was lying to him. Now, however, I know that it is because he is an accomplished practitioner of both Legilimency and Occlumency.

Fortunately, for me and for the sake of the Order, I am at least as powerful in their practice as the Dark Lord. Thanks to an inordinate amount of shear dumb luck, as Minerva would say, even under the torture of a Cruciatus Curse my inner shields are strong enough to block him.

The night of the fire the Dark Lord may have thought, at first, that I had died when he could no longer sense me through my Dark Mark. If he sensed anything else about what happened to me then, he must have been convinced, especially if that dream is what actually happened. Merlin! I’m still shaking, just from thinking about it.

However, by now it is very likely that news of my accident and disfigurement has gotten back to him either from some of his spies or from normal correspondence between Death Eater parents and their children here at Hogwarts. It has been almost a full week since it happened, plenty of time for all kinds of rumors to spread.

My condition is surely not a secret, not if, as incredible as it seems, all four school houses actually cooperated in creating my new hand. I’m still amazed, although, I suppose if anyone could, that stubborn Gryffindor, Hermione Granger, would find a way to get them to cooperate, although she probably had more trouble getting her Gryffindor friends to help than she did with my Slytherins.

Dumbledore said that he had announced to the whole school what happened to me. I know there are some students in Slytherin who would have written home immediately upon hearing the reasons for my unexpected absence. Lucius would know all about it by now, and if he knows, I could be sure that the Dark Lord knows.

I am not sure whether it is those thoughts that make my stomach roll once again with nausea or if it is again the blow to my head causing it. It hits me again suddenly. I swallow hard and breathe carefully to control it.

I am glad for once that Madam Pomfrey was still hovering nearby. “Poppy, would you mind getting me another dose of the tonic for my stomach? I’m feeling rather queasy again and would rather not endure a repeat performance from earlier.”

Madam Pomfrey hastens to my side, bringing a pan and placing it near my hand. It is obviously in case I do get sick again, so I won’t have to lean over the edge of the bed.

“Of course I don’t mind, Severus. It will be good for you to have more of the tonic. The honey in it will give you some energy as well.” She pours a much more generous amount into a glass than earlier and carefully helps me drink it slowly without moving my head more than necessary because any movement at all sends stabs of pain through my head and jolts of nausea twisting my stomach. I’m able to finish half the contents of the glass before I must stop.

“That’s all I think I better try for now Poppy. Let me see if this will stay down before I have any more.”

Poppy nods with a small smile and sets the glass on the tray. “You would know about that better than I would, just let me know when you are ready for more. I’m just happy to get any liquid into you for now, especially after you were sick. I do hope you can manage to eat some of the soup as well. You just lay quiet and still now and get some rest. The tray should arrive soon.”

I lay there with my eyes closed again, feeling much more aware than I have since the accident, in spite of the pounding in my head. I’m also glad to note that my stomach seems to have been soothed by the tonic. I don’t feel as nauseous as I did.

To pass the time and try to ignore my discomforts, I begin thinking about the consequences of what has happened to me and trying to fill in the gaps in my memory about the night of the fire.

Foremost in my mind is a mortal dread of returning to the Dark Lord like this. With the Dark Mark no longer burned into my flesh, can he command me to return, or was the Mark burned into my very soul?

I have no idea whether I will still feel the Dark Lord’s summons or if I have been freed from that bondage. Yes, that is what it was, slavery to the slightest whim of a madman.

I fear that my usefulness as a spy for Dumbledore’s Order of the Phoenix has come to an end. The feasibility of resuming that task is so small as to be nonexistent.

A sneer crosses my face as I lay there with my eyes closed. The Order of the Phoenix, isn’t that a fine and noble-sounding name for a high-minded group of would-be martyrs? How typically Gryffindor they are.

They barely acknowledge the fact that I also am a full member of the Order. When I was bringing them important information on the Dark Lord and his followers at the risk of my life, they would not even invite me to dine with them at their current “headquarters” in the home of that insufferable mongrel, Sirius Black.

No, Black always made it abundantly clear that I was not welcome to stay in his home one moment longer than was necessary to deliver my information and answer any questions they had.

Even if any of the other members made an invitation, I would decline, knowing that Black would find some way to provoke me into a fight before the evening was over. It was easy to guess who they would hang the blame on in that case, even if they had all witnessed the entire thing.

Would they tolerate my coming to their meetings now that I couldn’t bring them the only thing they really wanted from me? Especially since some still unfairly blame me for Black’s death despite the fact that I did all I could to prevent it?

Did I really want to fight them for that dubious privilege? Some part of me still says ‘yes’ and I briefly wonder why. Perhaps I still see the Order as my salvation? Do I actually still hope for acceptance, for trust, for. . . what. . . friendship? I suppose. . . where else am I going to find it?

I am still overwhelmed each time I realize that I have Dumbledore’s acceptance, trust and friendship. I now realize that I need not worry overmuch about my position here at Hogwarts.

I realize how much I had overreacted; screaming at Dumbledore in the sudden realization of the loss of my hand and fear of helplessness. I would have a position here at Hogwarts, teaching Potions, as long as Dumbledore was Headmaster, as long as I was able, because he trusts me. I work hard to be worthy of that trust. Why won’t others see that?

Ye gods, next thing you know I’ll be crying into my pillows. I must be affected more by the blow to my head than I thought. It must have truly addled my brain for me to be thinking such maudlin, pitiful thoughts.

Perhaps it would be better to concentrate on why I can’t remember why we were even there at that house that night. I do remember being there with three other Death Eaters, but our purpose escapes me. I could assume it was the usual reason of spreading terror among the muggles, but it doesn’t seem to be all we were supposed to do. How much of that day have I forgotten?

It is beginning to worry me because the harder I think about it the more it seems that there was something important I wanted to tell Dumbledore about that night, but I cannot remember. I am beginning to worry whether I just have some amnesia, or have I been Obliviated?

Soon my troubled thoughts are interrupted by Minerva returning with the tray that Poppy had requested for me. I had not expected that she would bring it herself.

Right behind her, Dumbledore enters, looking relieved to see me awake. “Severus, dear boy, are you alright? Minerva told me you had a nightmare earlier which caused you to fall and hurt yourself.”

I feel my face flush with embarrassment. “I’m fine sir, I just have a headache from landing on my head, but Poppy says I am not damaged otherwise.”

Poppy takes the tray from Minerva and places it near my bed. “That isn’t quite what I said, Headmaster. I said he has a concussion, which can be serious enough on its own. All the more reason I really want to be able to give him another Healing Potion. He had a good meal earlier today, even though he lost part of it. If I can get him to eat a bit more now, I think I will risk giving him one.”

“Poppy, I have a suggestion. Perhaps it would work as well if I took the potion now, then I could possibly feel well enough to eat a meal.”

“Alright, Severus. I’m willing to do it your way only if you will promise me you will eat a full meal, not just the soup that Minerva has brought for you, but whatever I have brought up from the kitchen in the meantime as well.”

“I can only say I am willing to try Poppy. I have no wish to delay my recovery any longer than necessary.”

Madam Pomfrey gazes at me a moment. “Just let me get the potion then.”

Before any more could be said, I felt the need to tell Dumbledore of my worries. “Sir, I’m glad you are here. I’ve been going over the night of the fire. I want to tell you that I don’t recall a lot of what happened that night, but I fear there was something important I should have told you, but I cannot remember what it was. It is like I can almost remember, but it slips out of reach every time I try. I feel certain that it was a very important piece of information. I am worried that my memory may have been altered.”

To be continued. . .
~~~~~~~~~~~~

Well there it is. I hope it isn’t just over seven pages (in Word) full of garbage. Most of it was written after staying up way too late over several nights. I will try to be sure the next chapter has more substance. It will probably pick up again exactly where this one left off.
Please leave feedback, it makes me so happy.
Here (http://www.cosforums.com/showthread.php?t=28170) is the new link to my feedback thread.

Hello folks, I really have not abandoned this story, though it may have seemed like it since it has been since near last Christmas when I last posted in it.

It isn’t as long as I wanted to make it and it still doesn’t tell what happened the day of the fire, but I wanted to get a tidbit of what I have done up before someone decides to delete the story as being abandoned. (Like seems to have happened to my old feedback thread. It really isn’t abandoned… I promise!)

I know it is nearly nothing, but I am working on the next full chapter this weekend. This just completes the scene, so to speak, from last chapter.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Before any more could be said, I felt the need to tell Dumbledore of my worries. “Sir, I’m glad you are here. I’ve been going over the night of the fire. I want to tell you that I don’t recall a lot of what happened that night, but I fear there was something important I should have told you then, but I cannot remember what it was. It is like I can almost remember, but it slips out of reach every time I try. I feel certain that it was a very important piece of information. I am worried that my memory may have been altered.”

Dumbledore settled himself into the chair beside my bed. He shook his head. “I have no fear that you have been obliviated Severus. The healers at St Mungo’s warned us that you might possibly have some symptoms such as headaches and memory loss because you had suffered some head trauma in the explosion. You had a severe concussion, at the very least. I can reassure you, my dear boy that I personally checked you for any signs of tampering when we got you settled here after they released you to us. There is a very good chance that anything you cannot remember right now will return to your memory with time. If it does not, well then, it can hardly be helped now, can it?”
He tilted his head to peer at me over those ridiculous glasses of his. I swear he wears the blasted things just so he can do that. “It may already be too late for any information you had to still be of any use to us. It has, after all, been a week since the fire.” He smiled and placed a hand on my shoulder. “I know it is difficult for you, but do not worry about it, Severus, just relax and allow yourself some time to recover.”

I was vaguely comforted, but the feeling of anxiety was still there. I hated not knowing.
It made me feel vulnerable for some reason.

Madam Pomfrey returned then with a small bottle of healing potion and carefully helped me to drink it all. “There you go Severus, now I insist you eat as much as you can manage. I have already asked for another tray to be brought up for you.”

I felt better almost immediately after swallowing the potion. My vision cleared and all traces of my nausea disappeared. My head still ached but I could soon move my head without the room spinning around me. I also felt much more confident that I could keep down whatever food I managed to eat now. I actually felt hungry again.

When I let her know that my dizziness was gone, Poppy propped me into a partially sitting position again, stuffing extra pillows behind me. She then settled the tray in front of me. “Now eat!” she commanded with a wicked grin on her face.

“Yes. . . mother.” I growled back at her with a frown.

“That’s the spirit.” she replied cheekily.

Albus smiled indulgently at me from the chair next to my bed.
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TBC..........

More is coming.
Even if it is my birthday on the 14th, I’m still going to make myself get back to writing.

Here (http://www.cosforums.com/showthread.php?t=28170) is the new link to my feedback thread.

GASP!, What is this? An update?
Believe it or not, it is.
I can't promise more soon, but I WILL try.

A High Price

By Barbara Kennedy

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Chapter 7 – What Happened?
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~


Something woke me from my first full night of true, uninterrupted and healing sleep, as opposed to being unconscious, since I was brought here after the accident.

Before I even open my eyes, I’m aware that there is someone in the room with me. Someone is very near me. Watching me sleep, no doubt. I can almost feel their eyes upon me.

I also catch the distinct scent of . . . what, bubblegum? It had better not be one of the students sneaking in to stare at me. I open my eyes to see who it is. I am quite prepared to take House points from someone. I unexpectedly find Miss Nymphadora Tonks gazing solemnly at me from the chair next to my bed. Today her hair was shoulder-length and midnight blue framing a pensive face, her own, I believe, at least the one I see her wear most often.

“Good morning, Professor Snape. How are you this morning?” She sounds entirely too cheerful.

“Why are you here at this time of day, Miss Tonks?” As I turn to face her, I notice that the healing potions I was able to take last evening seem to have done a lot more for me during the night, as I do not notice any pains as I push myself up in the bed to prop against the pillows piled at the headboard.

“Wotcher, Severus.” She said with a tentative smile. “That was almost cheerful for you. Well, you see, Professor Dumbledore asked me to come here today to see you and talk with you about – well, about what happened to you.” She shifted in her chair as if uncomfortable with the subject. “He told me you don’t really remember very much about it.” She ended in a half-questioning tone.

“Why would he ask you, of all people, to talk to me about that night?” How would she possibly know anything about it?

“Well, yes, you wouldn’t know that would you, you being unconscious and all? You see, Professor, Kingsley Shacklebolt and I were on duty that night at the Ministry and Kingsley was the one to lead a group of Aurors out there that night to investigate when we got word of the Dark Mark shining in the sky over a burning house. He brought me along too. I was there you see.

Kingsley couldn’t very well come see you here, now could he? He would be a bit conspicuous if he left the Ministry to visit you here at Hogwarts. On the other hand, I can easily come in here anytime at Dumbledore’s invitation, disguised as one of the students.”

With that she scrunched up her face in concentration and suddenly it seemed that red-haired and freckle-faced Ginny Weasley was sitting in the chair dressed in the clothes that Tonks had been wearing, a garish lime-green T-shirt and old, battered jeans with numerous holes and patches. After a moment ‘Ginny’ scrunched up her face and again Tonks appeared just as she had when I had awoken to find her sitting quietly next to me.

“Dumbledore wanted me to talk to you about what Kingsley and I saw that night. He hoped it might help you remember. Madam Pomfrey said it couldn’t hurt to try, if you were willing.” She shrugged.

“Very well, it may help. At the very least, I would like some idea of what did go on that night. I have a feeling it might be important.”

“We got there pretty quick after the Dark Mark was spotted. We set up wards to keep away as many Muggles as we could, while Kingsley talked to the Muggle family. The Muggles that lived in that house said that one of the men in black cloaks had come back shortly after the others had left, freed them all and got them out of their burning house. When we got there, they seemed to be more upset about him, errr. . .that is, you, still being in there and possibly trapped. More than they were at the loss of their home. Of course, they had no clue about who ‘the man in the black cloak’ was. We had barely got there and found the whole muggle family, scared but safe outside, when the whole thing just blew up. They told us that it must have been their gas connections that exploded so that was the memory that the Obliviators left for them.”

“Kingsley and I guessed it might have been you in the house from their description of a tall, black-haired, scowling man. While the Obliviators interviewed the family and began modifying their memories and the other aurors dealt with the muggle authorities that had shown up by then, we contacted Dumbledore and told him what was happening. We were afraid that whoever was in there was a goner for sure when the house exploded and fell in.” Tonks face held an anxious look as she remembered what happened.

“We were able to get the rest of the fire put out quickly after that and a quick Locator Charm told us where the man. . . where you were and that, somehow, you were still alive. When we finally got to you, there was a large wooden beam that had fallen from the ceiling lying across you, pinning you in the rubble.”

“So, you’re telling me that you and Shacklebolt were the ones to find me?”

Tonks made a rueful face and shrugged her shoulders again. “No. Actually, it was just Shacklebolt, he wouldn’t let me come in to help. I think he didn’t trust me to not trip over the wreckage and hurt myself, or him.” Tonks shrugged. “It was still right dangerous in the ruins of the building and he was afraid I would bring it down on us all. I hate to admit it, but he was probably right. I know I’m a right menace at times, tripping over my own feet.”

“When we found you, you were all tangled up in your cloak. The hood had turned sideways and covered your face. It wasn’t until we got the timbers levitated off of you and moved the cloak away from your face that we even knew for sure that the mysterious ‘man in black’ was you, or... or just how badly hurt you really were.” Her voice had lowered to almost a whisper with her last few words.

“Even though the explosion had blown out most of the fire. . .” Tonks hesitated, and then resumed her story. “It is lucky you had that Fire-Protection Charm on your cloak or I don’t think you’d be alive now. As it was, we thought you were going to die on us at any moment, you were barely breathing. Merlin, I’ll never forget that sight. You were such a bloody awful mess, bleeding from your ears and nose and I almost fainted when I saw the bare bone where your arm should have been.” Tonks looks shocked that she had just said that. “Oh, Severus, I’m sorry, that was a horrible thing to say. I can’t even talk without tripping over myself.” Tonks looked away and swallowed, close to tears. “I know how much your hands mean – meant…to you.”

Tonks looked nervously back to me and blushed. I had no idea how to react to that. I am just numb. I simply stare at her, waiting for her to continue the story.

“We apparated with you directly into St. Mungo’s Emergency Room then. It was the only way we figured you had a chance. Dumbledore met us there. They had a team of mediwizards working on you right away. There was a bit of worry you’d be deaf even though they were able stop the bleeding and repair your eardrums. They said we wouldn’t tell one way or another until you woke up though.” She stopped and smiled tentatively. “So, I guess you can hear me as good as ever?”

“Yes, Tonks, I hear just fine. Please continue with the story.”

TBC…
(I know it is a horrible place to stop for now, but I needed to get SOMETHING posted… as I have been reminded, very diplomatically. :cool: )
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