September 5th, 2004, 7:14 pm
Hello my fellow writers! :D
A fic is ahead of us. It used to be posted here a long time ago, but it somehow got deleted. [when a lot of stories disappeared] It doesn't matter now; I still hope people will read it.
I am re-writing the fic COMPLETELY and making it much much better. Everything is going to be changed - the dialogues, the phrases, sentences... So, even if you've read it before, it will be different to you too. ;)
Please read and write your thoughts. That is what makes me happier than anything else!
ALL OF YOUR LOVELY FEEDBACK GOES RIGHT HERE (http://www.cosforums.com/showthread.php?p=1288811#post1288811)
Now... enjoy! :)
September 5th, 2004, 8:59 pm
Help Me Remember
-fanfic by Milka the Guardian Angel-
Chapter One: The Awakening
“Doctor Sanders,” nurse Applegate whispered to him, “A woman came and asked for her daughter. I think it’s possible to be her mother... Just a thought anyway.”
Michael Sanders seemed rather excited to hear this news. He immediately left the reception room and both of them hurried down the hall to his office. It seemed as though they were worried the woman might escape if they wouldn’t get there on time.
“Thank you, Miss Applegate,” he said to the nurse when they came to the door. “I’ll take her from here.”
He slowly entered his office, seeing a short middle age woman sitting in a chair near the office desk. Michael noticed she had an exhausted expression on her face. One brief look at her eyes told him that the woman was still hoping, though. Her small hands were curled up in her lap. The entire sight gave the impression she had been through a lot of pain and suffering.
The woman stood up, but the doctor softly said:
“No need for that. Be sure to make yourself like home.”
She tried to smile, but only a cramp appeared on her face. “My girl...”, she muttered, ”Is she here?”
“We don’t know that just yet, Mrs…?”
The doctor shortly nodded. “Mrs Davis, I think it’ll be necessary for you to describe me your daughter, so we can see if she’s at our hospital.”
Mrs Davis sighed. “My girl…” she said absent-mindedly, as though she was trying to remember her daughter. “She’s got the nicest smile in the whole wide word. Her voice could melt the hardest hearts…” The woman startled at her own words. “Not could. It still can, I am sure. She is a beautiful girl, doctor. Yeah… very beautiful."
“I am sure she is,” the doctor patiently said, “But what I need to know is how she looks like. What is the colour of her hair? Her eyes? Does she have any specific scars? Tattoos? Piercing?“
“My girl has a long and flat blonde, almost golden hair. Her eyes are like two wonderful diamonds. You never know whether they are blue... or green... or grey... “ Mrs. Davis tiredly said, but managed to smile at the mention of her daughter.
The expression on doctor’s face suddenly changed. It became stiff and blank and showed no real intrigue any more. It wasn’t her mother, after all.
Mrs. Davis seemed to feel the sudden change. Her motherly instinct told her that once again her search ended as a failure. A quiet sob escaped her lips.
“I am sorry, Mrs. Davis.” doctor Sanders tenderly whispered, leaving the woman to cry in peace. “I really am.”
He calmly put his hand on her shoulders. Then he turned around and slowly went out of his office. There was absolutely nothing left he could do for her.
Doctor Michael Sanders concernedly sat near the girl’s bed - just like he had done the night before that… and the night before that… He had watched the girl sleep every day and night for the past few months she was there. The room 245 became something like a sanctuary to him. He would sit there for hours hoping that she would wake up.
Michael didn’t know anything about her. Nobody did. He didn’t know her name, her habits or her personality. All he knew was that the girl had a bit bushy brown and wavy hair. Nothing else. He only guessed she could be 16... Or 17... Or maybe even older. He wouldn’t know. One thing was for sure - she was still a girl… a child… who was turning into a woman.
He remembered a couple of policemen found her lying on a street three or four months ago.
Back then, she was still awake, but not quite conscious. She had a few bruises and a wound beneath her elbow. The girl also had a piece of wood with her which she squeezed very hard as though she didn’t want anyone to take it away from her. The staff thought it might be very important to her, so they kept it. She also had a necklace around her neck, which was saved too.
Michael remembered the girl kept muttering words like “No!’ and “Get away from there!” over and over again. At one point she simply passed out.
After that, she had never woken up again.
From that day on, whenever somebody would come with a story that could possibly fit hers, doctor Sanders’s heart would jump with a start. But… whoever came asking for their missing children wasn’t searching for her.
To Michael Sanders, this girl was a sad story that needed to have a happy ending.
And he promised he would do everything he could to make it possible.
There was a knock on doctor’s office and the nurse entered without waiting the response from him.
“Doctor Sanders, I am sorry for interrupting you, but…”
“Miss Applegate,” Michael’s slightly annoyed voice replied “can’t you tell I am quite busy right now?”
“Yes, doctor, I know, but this is urgent…”
“Everything is urgent in hospitals.”
The nurse didn’t give up. “Still, I’m sure you will be interested in this.”
“Alright,” Sanders realized he had to let go “what is it then?”
Miss Applegate smiled. “The patient in room 245.”
“Yes? What about her?”
“She’s finally conscious, doctor.”
September 6th, 2004, 9:54 pm
Guardian Angel: Ta da! New chappie's here. Tell me what you think, okay? OKAY. :D
BTW, many many many thanks for the lovely feedback on the 1st chappie. Now... more! (http://www.cosforums.com/showthread.php?p=1288811#post1288811) :p
Chapter Two: I Remember The Leaves...
Michael Sanders entered the room 245, immediately looking at the familiar bed. He noticed that the girl sat, her face turned to the window. Doctor took a deep breath, trying to slow down his unusually fast heart-beats. He was a doctor, yes; It wasn’t his first time to talk to a person who was in coma… But this was different. This wasn’t just some person – this was a child. A lost child whose parents or friends weren’t here. Heavens know that Michael wanted to see her awake. It was his only desire for the past few months… He thought about her awakening all the time, but now that it had actually happened, he wasn’t quite sure what to ask or what to say
Michael sat on a chair, deciding to ask the question doctors always ask their patients.
“How are you?”
The girl didn’t look at him, just like he thought it might happen, she only continued staring through the window. Michael didn’t want to push her too hard so he waited patiently for her to speak.
“Where am I?” she hoarsely asked after minutes of silence.
“You’re at hospital.”
The girl blinked. Hospital... The word sounded so familiar, yet so strange. She knew it had something to do with the people in white...
What were their names? Oh, yes. Doctors. Silly me. And… nurses, too. The man who entered the room must be a doctor... Hospital… Yes….Wasn’t that a place where wounded or sick people would rest and recover? Then… what on Earth am I doing here?
But before she could ask that, there was another burning question. Much more important one. It was trying to get out of her mouth, but she didn’t want to let it. Something was wrong… very wrong…
I can’t ask that. He will think I am crazy!
Still, she needed to know. There was no way out – she needed to get the answer. I should be ashamed of myself… I really should… But I ought to know this.
“Who am I?”
Doctor’s heart tightened. His hopes flew away just like they had came. If she didn’t know who she was… how could anyone else?
The girl now turned her head to face the doctor, putting her bushy hair behind ears. For the first time in his life, Michael saw the colour of her eyes – they were dark brown and very deep and he could clearly read confusion and embarrassment in them.
“We…” he started, sighing deeply. It was so hard to respond.
Why the hell must life be so unfair?
“We actually don’t know who you are. We had prayed that you’d be the one to tell us that…”
She blinked a few times, as tears immediately filled her tormented eyes. Michael could see she was bravely gritted teeth giving her best not to cry.
“So... You want to say - you don’t even know my name?”
Michael avoided to answer this directly. He put his hand in a pocket and took out the necklace that belonged to the girl.
“We’ve found you wearing this the night you were brought here,” Doctors Sanders showed the necklace to her. It had three small golden letters attached to it. “I figured they might be your initials… but they could be something else, too. Here, take a look.”
The girl took the necklace out of the doctor’s hand, trembling slightly. She stared at the three letters for a few minutes.
H R H
They looked so beautiful together. She felt some odd attachment to them. It seemed as though those letters were describing her entire life and everything that she had ever loved or cared about. That cannot represent my name then, can it?
“We’d also found a stick with you, but I don’t have it here right now.”
A stick? Why would I have a stick with me? That makes no sense... Can’t break my head because of it now, really…
She squeezed the necklace harder.
“If I don’t know mine,” she quietly said, breaking the silence, “then may I know your name?”
Michael gave her an encouraging smile.
“Of course. I apologize I didn’t tell you sooner. My name’s Michael Sanders and I’m your doctor, as you may have already guessed.”
She simply nodded and looked through the window once again, suddenly noticing something she didn’t see earlier. The leaves of the trees were yellow and brown. Some of them were already on the ground. True, she couldn’t remember her name or her life, but she was almost positive that the last time she had seen the leaves… they were green.
“I remember… I think I do, anyway… I remember leaves being green... healthy... fresh. How can it be they’re yellow and dry now?”
“That’s because you’re here for more than three months. Almost four.”
The girl didn’t seem to understand.
“You were in coma until today.”
Michael expected everything but not the reaction she had. Smile.
Is there anything else about me that I don’t know? Probably. I am like a body with no memories now. No soul. Nothing. Just splendid.
She had no idea what to do. Or say. Everything seemed so hopeless.
Doctor Sanders realized that her smile was a sign of despair. Michael couldn’t let her let everything go. He swore that he would help her even if it’s the last thing he’d do.
“Don’t worry,” he said fatherly, ignoring the not interested expression on her face. “I will be there to help you get through the rough time. The nurses will help you overcome all the difficulties, too. I guarantee to teach you how to live a new life. And, believe me, you will remember your previous life one day. Sooner than you think! But first, we have some hard stuff to do and I’ll need your cooperating more than everything.”
September 8th, 2004, 10:39 pm
Guardian Angel: Here's another update. Yep, shorter this time, but I still expect to tell me WHATEVER you think about it. Okay? Constructive criticism is appreciated too. :)
Oh and... do you still have troubles with reading the fic? What colour is the font? I need to know that... Thanks.
Chapter Three: Helen
“I still can’t believe I’m really going to leave this place...” the girl sighed as she looked how the nurses cleaned her room for the next patient. Room 245. her attachment was justified and normal; it was the place where she laughed… smiled…. learned to live again.
After few months of practice, mental exercises, tests and recovering, she was finally ready to go and start a new life. But somehow… she didn’t really want it.
Luckily, the hospital had enough money to buy her a small apartment with one room, little kitchen and a bathroom. Michael was the one to make the request for it. That was supposed to be her home when she’d leave the hospital. She was very grateful, but it felt awkward in the same time as well.
“Helen,” Michael Sanders said, “the important thing is that you’ve managed to fight main difficulties in your life. You know that.”
She smiled. Everybody called her Helen on her own request. She figured that the first letter H on the necklace could be her name. Helen simply looked pretty to her. And after all, she didn’t want to be “the patient from room 245” forever.
Helen loved Michael as though he was her father, but she was afraid of telling him that. He was the one to give her strength when she would get tired. He was the one to give her hope when she’d think everything was hopeless. He did everything a father would do. Father she didn’t have… or did? She didn’t know that. And now it was time to say goodbye to a man who only mattered in her life. How?
Michael felt the same way about her, but he had to treat her like a patient. One comes, other goes.
Yeah, that’s how it should be. But it wasn’t.
Michael opened his mouth to tell her that it’s time for her to go and pick up the clothes that nurses gave her, but Helen prevented that. She suddenly squeezed him so strongly that it was hard to believe that a girl so thin could have strength like that.
“Thank you, Michael,” she cried “I will never forget how you believed in me. Thank you so much for everything you’ve done for me. Thank you.”
“It’s okay, Hel.” Michael Sanders muttered. “It was a pleasure. Everything’s going to be fine.”
Will it really? Will this girl be able to go on with her life all by herself? There won’t be anyone to support her and she will be all on her own.
Helen suddenly remembered something nobody had mentioned for quite some time.
Am I right when I say that there was a stick with me when I was found? Well, it’s worth a try.
“Have you ever told me that I had a piece of wood with me when I was found?” she asked Michael with lots of interest, feeling her heart jumping, like it would always do whenever a thing related to her previous life would be mentioned… Object that connected her with life she couldn’t remember.
“Now that you’ve mentioned it,” doctor said, wrinkling his forehead “yeah, there was something. You’re right. Who’s got better memory now, eh?”
“Don’t...” Helen muttered quietly. Memory wasn’t her favourite topic.
“Sorry.” Doctor Sanders softly said, “I’ll be right back, as soon as I check if we still have that stick of yours. Meet you at the reception room, okay?”
He squeezed Helen’s hand and turned around, disappearing through the door.
She stayed a couple of minutes more, then realized it would be a lot easier for her is she would get lost from there as soon as possible.
“Yeah,” mumbled Helen to herself, grabbing a book she used to read before sleep from her old bed.
“It will be hard, but I’ll live. Goobye room 245.” She whispered and closed the door.
September 12th, 2004, 5:54 pm
Guardian Angel: New chapter is here! I really hope you will like it, and I can't wait to see what you think about this part. Please tell me whatever your thoughts are. I'll leave you to read in peace now! ;)
Chapter Four: The Dream
Helen walked slowly towards a tall modern building where the given apartment waited for her. As she dragged her feet, she could still hear echoes of the lovely words from everyone at the hospital: Mrs. Applegate’s, Mr. Foster’s, the other nurses and doctors, and, of course, Michael’s.
They made her feel truly loved.
Why did I have to leave them then?
Helen knew the answer very well although she was afraid to admit it - all of them had their own lives, besides the professional one. Michael had a lovely wife who would always bring Helen fruits when she would visit her husband and two precious sons Helen saw a few times. They were so happy together.
And even though Michael had husband and father duties, he would always find enough love and support in his heart to give Helen as well. How many times had Helen imagined being a part of the Sanders family...?
There was probably no answer to that question.
Deeply lost in her thoughts, Helen didn’t notice that she was already at the third floor. Her floor. She saw a white door that didn’t have a name tag on it, unlike the others.
It’s because nobody lives there…
Helen grabbed the key from her purse and put it into the lock. She turned the key two times and went inside.
The flat was small but arranged. It had one room which was bright and sunlit. Helen could see a nice comfortable sofa, a small table and a TV. There was a night table in one corner and a telephone on it.
Everything I need, eh…
But she could feel loneliness in there. Sour. Smell of isolation.
Helen left the bags she carried on the small table and lied down on the sofa. She wasn’t tired, but she still felt a need to rest.
If I'm going to start a new life, then I better leave the life in hospital… As soon as possible…
It was really crowded and noisy. A lot of people were talking at the same time, making the atmosphere rather friendly. They were mostly teenagers and slightly younger kids, all in one circled room. There was a fireplace made of stone in one corner, a big table and a lot of squashy armchairs everywhere.
“Snape took me 10 points for reading the ingredients out loud!” somebody yelled sounding annoyed, “Can you believe it?”
“He’s a lunatic, mate” answered somebody else, “but he’s got the power.”
“Man, I wish I could punch him in his slimy face!”
“Can’t wait till tomorrow,” a girl excitedly announced, “We’ll beat the hell out of Slytherin, for sure!”
“But, firstly I have to finish this homework,” a fourth voice complained “and I still have two roles of parchment to do!”
“It was so interesting today at Transfiguration. We learned how to turn different parts of bodies into something else. You should have seen Neville with a thumb instead of his nose!”, one boy sincerely laughed, “That was hilarious!”
“Hey!” somebody protested, “it was an accident! It could’ve happened to you too!”
Among all of these people, two figures started to become sharper and sharper, like in a slow motion. The crowd was still talking but their words weren’t understandable any more. The faces of the two figures were still blurred, but there was something very obvious – one of them had messy black hair and the other one had red hair like fire. They were both trying to say something. The red-haired opened his mouth, but no words came out. He tried to call her… He tried to call her by her real name…
Helen woke up with a start. She was having that dream again…. The dream she loved so much… The dream with a lot of agreeable noise and so many familiar words she wouldn’t know what they meant as soon as she’d wake up… The dream with so many friendly looking faces…. The dream that would make her feel safe and comfortable…
Every time Helen would wake up after a dream like this, she wouldn’t be able to remember anything.
But this time, there was something else besides the usual pleasant feeling. She seemed to remember one thing. Helen could swear there were two faces that belonged to some people she once knew so well... And one of them was even going to say her name...
A ridiculous, yet possible thought streamed through her unawake mind.
Maybe that dream has something to do with life I can’t remember. Maybe I could even discover more about myself while dreaming... Darn… If only I could remember every little detail...
But that wasn’t something she could exert influence on.
September 15th, 2004, 5:06 pm
Guardian Angel: Here ya go, people! New chappie. PLEASE. MAKE. SOME. FEEDBACK. And if you do - Helen and I’ll love you forever! ;)
Chapter Five: Bookland
I have to do something... anything! Or I will completely go crazy here…
After almost two weeks, it had become a fact - Helen couldn’t bear the emptiness any more. The emptiness in her apartment… her room… her heart.
Every day was like the previous one, monotonous and boring. Helen would sit in front of the TV for hours until she’ would get enough. Then she would eat until she’d burst.
I can’t do that anymore. I need a change!
Smaller or bigger one -it didn’t matter.
The only thing Helen looked forward to were nights. Her dreams were always colourful and nice, so she would completely relax and enjoy. Helen knew the dreams showed the ones she used to love once… But she also knew that dreams didn’t make life… Something else did.
How about going to some classes? Karate, maybe? No... Ballet?
“Honestly, where do you get these ideas?”
Helen liked to talk to herself from time to time. It would just make an illusion she wasn’t alone. The only person she would occasionally talk to was the postman when she’d need to pay bills. And Michael Sanders sometimes too, but that was only when he was not too occupied with patients and his own life. Which meant – rarely.
Then, suddenly, an idea occurred to Helen.
And… why wouldn’t I get a job?
Helen grabbed the newspapers as soon as the thought formed in her mind. She frantically started to search for anything she could do.
“Group exercise leaders… nope… physical therapist… er, no… housekeeper… no, thanks… computer something something… grrr!”
She kept trying to find something that would suit her, but it didn’t seem to be very easy. Almost twenty minutes passed, and she was still searching.
I’m not qualified to do any of these jobs... Or maybe I used to be, but can’t remember…
“This amnesia is really one terribly screwed up thing!”
Duh! Well spotted, smartarse.
Helen skimmed through the newspapers again. Just when she wanted to throw them away, she saw a tiny advertisement asking for a worker in a small book-store.
“Bookstore! That’s perfect – I love books!” she exclaimed and instantly decided to call the people who gave the add. “I could do this!”
Helen practically ran to her telephone. She quickly dialed the number that was printed in the newspapers and waited for somebody to pick up the phone.
A pleasant female voice answered. Helen squeezed the receiver hoping for the best.
“Bookland, may I help you?”
“Um, hello.” Said Helen, momentarily crossing her fingers, “I am calling to check if the place for a saleswoman is still available.”
“As a matter of fact, it is” replied the woman, “Are you interested?”
“Oh, yes,” responded Helen more enthusiastically than she wanted to, “Very!”
The woman smiled hearing a sound of relief on the other side of the line.
“Well, if you wish, you can come tomorrow at 10 o’ clock in the morning for a small conversation. Just a simple meeting.”
“Of course!” Helen cheerfully said, “Thank you.”
She hung up, feeling excited and happy.
I might get a job! I might get a job!
That would definitely be something to estrange Helen from her misery and a great chance to meet some people...
If I get the job, of course.
Relax, girl. Take a deep breath and go inside.
Helen stood in front of the book-shop having second thoughts. She wasn’t sure if she should enter at all. It was freezing outside, but still she couldn’t make herself enter. Helen shivered with cold and nervousness.
What if they don’t like me? What if they find somebody much better than me?
Who knows how long she’d stay in front of the shop if it didn’t started to snow. Helen wasn’t dressed for show, so there were only two ways out of this situation now. To go home… or to come in…
Oh, get a grip! Where’s your self-confidence? Chin up, you’re going in!
Helen opened the heavy door and a lot of bells immediately jingled. She thought how it felt very nice to hear the ringing bells.
Helen looked around. Each and every one of shelves had lots of decorative strings with little Santa-Clauses and reindeers on them. Beautiful garlands and starts hung from the ceiling. The entire inside of the book-store smelled like holidays, which made Helen sure that she used to love Christmas. Besides, who could resist such wonderful holiday?
“Good day, miss. How may I help you?”
A young black haired woman , who appeared to be slightly older than Helen, greeted her. Her hair was long and curly but very shiny too. She was almost the same height as Helen and had a constant smile on her face. The first impression was that she really enjoyed life and that she was available and willing to help.
“Is there something you’re specifically looking for?”
“No, but thanks a lot,” replied Helen, feeling kind of guilty that she wasn’t there to buy anything. “I’m actually here… to talk to somebody about… getting a job.”
“Oh, I see!” chuckled the girl. “New flesh. What’s your name, by the way?”
Helen wasn’t sure what to answer. She didn’t really even have a name, but still – maybe it was better to have a made up one, than not have a name at all.
“My, my! For a moment there I thought you’ve forgotten your name, “grinned the girl widely “And, although you haven’t asked, my name’s Marissa.”
Helen smiled as the girls shook hands. Then Marissa turned on her heal.
“This way, Helen. Follow me.”
September 26th, 2004, 2:14 pm
Guardian Angel: :D Can you believe it? It's an update, finally! It’s not very long, but hey – at least I wrote some more. I really hope you will like this. Tell me WHATEVER you think about it. As always, comments are highly appreciated. I’d write more now, but I need to do schoolwork –lots of it- so, see you later. :)
Chapter Six: Deanna Jones
Helen nodded and followed the girl. They left the main quart of the shop and entered a strait passage. Marissa led her to a massive wooden door and knocked a few times. An abstruse voice responded and they walked into a small room that had only a table and a couple of chairs. Many pictures and portraits hung all over the walls, and Helen noticed a lot of books and an old radio lying on a desk. The woman who owned the Bookland read a book and didn’t stop reading until Marissa spoke.
“Deana, this is the girl who called you yesterday. Her name’s Helen. Oh! I must be leaving you two, I think I heard a customer walking in!” Marissa gave a quick smile to Helen and momentarily went out.
Helen looked at her hands, then feet, then decided to look at the woman. Deanna was a blonde woman and Helen reckoned she was, more or less, 30. She was wearing one coloured jumper and a common pair of jeans. Besides this ordinary stuff, Helen noticed one amusing detail on Deanna’s left hand. She wore a lot of bracelets that symbolized Christmas. One of them had small Snowmen, the other one showed little Christmas-trees, and there were a few with tiny bells on it. Deanna was obviously one of those people who really enjoyed holiday times.
“Have a seat.” Deanna finally said, gesturing towards Helen. “Cigarettes?”
“No, thank you.” Helen responded without thinking. “I don’t smoke.”
Or… do I?
“So, tell me… er, Helen, right? How old are you?” asked Deanna, curiously studying Helen’s face. “You look pretty young to search for a job. Shouldn’t you be in some high school or college or something?”
Once again, Helen had no idea what to answer.
Should I make something up or… or… just say the truth?
Deanna seemed like a nice person at first glance. The whole store was friendly looking and the sales-woman, Marissa, was rather likeable as well. Helen caught herself thinking how she really wanted to work there.
Then why shouldn’t I just say what’s the real deal with me?
“You didn’t runaway from home, or something like that?” asked Deanna suspiciously, realizing that Helen was thinking what to answer.
Helen smiled but put back on her serious look right away.
“Um... No… not really. Er, this may sound a bit weird to you, but…”
“They’ve thrown you out?”
Helen couldn’t help but grin, even though she was trying to say a painful thing. Deanna reminded her of a big child for some reason. Maybe the holiday bracelets had something to with the impression too.
“No… Actually, it’ll sound even more odd, but… but I don’t know how old I am. I neither know what my real name is… nor whether I smoke or not. I’ve actually got… well, I’ve got amnesia.”
Helen clearly said the last word, but in a much lower voice. The expression on her face almost showed disgust at the mention of amnesia.
Deanna looked flabbergasted. “Dear Lord…”
Deanna Jones had never met anyone in her entire life who had amnesia and the fact the poor girl didn’t know anything about herself was almost unbelievable to her.
“But…” she managed to say after several moments of silence. “How can it be possible that you don’t have anyone to… I don’t know… tell you about your life? I mean, you’ve gotta have family that could tell you your past, right?”
Her voice was almost begging, but Helen simply shook her head.
Yes, it is quite unbelievable. A young girl such as myself with no family.. Without anyone in the world that could connect her to something that happened before...
Sometimes Helen would ask herself if her parents had ever even cared.... Had they looked for her at all? Or had they stopped doing that after some time? Did they try hard enough to find her? Or what if she hadn’t had parents at all...?
“Friends?” Deanna was persistent.
“Not that I know of…”
“Enemies?!” cried Deanna.
“How can that be?”
“I don’t know,” shrugged Helen, trying to sound as calm as possible. “A couple of policemen found me lying near one street a half a year ago or so… and brought me to hospital. I had been in a coma for a while… so doctors think that something terrible must have happened to me. An attack or something. When I woke up, I had no idea who I was. There was nobody to tell me.”
Deanna stared tensely. She couldn’t say anything and her look was lost somewhere in Helen’s eyes.
“Then,” Helen continued, “after months of recovering, here I am, ready to start a completely new life. In this book-store… Yeah…”
Helen smiled trying to look as happy as possible, but the sorrow in her eyes assured Deanna that Helen was in lot of pain. There was no smile that could trick what eyes would show.
“I’m so sorry,” she tenderly whispered, “I know how it feels to lose a loved one, though I have no idea how it must be to lose… everything… I really hope you’ll find a friend or just a replacement for it in me. And I believe Marissa will be there for you as well.”
Helen’s hazel eyes widened.
“Oh, you don’t mean I actually…”
“’Course I do. I mean, I can only believe your words… and as far as I know, you can be an insane psycho killer on loose, but… you didn’t really think I’d let you go away with such a sad smile on your face, did you?” winked Deanna, smiling. “All I want from you is to be here every day at 8 o’ clock and work till 5. And of course, try to sell a book from time to time. Marissa will explain everything you find confusing. Now, go run home and get some rest because the working day starts early tomorrow.”
Helen could feel enormous amounts of happiness running through her taut body. She opened her mouth to say how grateful she was, but there were no words…. No voice….
Deanna realized Helen had troubles speaking because of the over excitement, so she simply said:
“Don’t bother thanking, girl. You’ll see what kind of a witch I can be when I officially become your boss.”
October 10th, 2004, 8:52 am
Guardian Angel: So that you won't say I am keeping you without updates for too long, I am posting a very small bridge to the story. Just a fill in, or something. Real update coming v. soon! Feedback more than appreciated. Love you all! :)
Those first days at work were harder than Helen imagined they would be, but it wasn’t without a reason. The holiday fever had made effect on everyone – children, parents, boys, girls, grandmas, grandpas… Everyone. People would search for books and buy lots of colourful greeting cards from early mornings till the shop would be closed in the evening. Soon, Helen simply didn’t know the meaning of the word “break”. If there wasn’t Marissa to help her from time to time, Helen would be completely lost.
But… The truth is, in a very strange way, Helen liked it all. She loved having hands full of work. She loved being able to help people. She simply enjoyed being preoccupied. Even the days at home had become less scary. Occasional watching TV seemed completely fine nowadays.
One more thing made Helen’s life less monotonous – Marissa. She had a habit to bump at Helen’s place every once in a while. They had become quite good friends after some time.
Marissa would make Helen laugh with almost every sentence she’d say and Helen loved listening to her. It felt as though once upon a time somebody else had made her laugh like Marissa did… but, Helen didn’t know why she thought that.
The life seemed to become merrier and merrier with every passing day. But, there was still no sign of anything that would make Helen’s heart jump with a start or connect this life with the previous one.
Until one day.
October 16th, 2004, 7:28 pm
Guardian Angel: And... here it is! The long-awaited chappie numero 7! :p I thank you for all of your wonderful feedback, please keep it coming. Tell me whatever you think about the update, I can't wait to hear it. Enjoy!
Chapter Seven: Evil Destiny
“Bookland” had gotten a lot of new history books which badly needed to be arranged, so it was Helen’s and Marissa’s job to put them in order. They grabbed the large boxes and went to the farther part of the store where the shelves weren’t entirely filled. Helen cheerfully hummed some Christmas tune as she was putting the tomes in order. A few of the books turned out to have very interesting titles so she found herself peeking inside curiously.
“Listen to this” Helen said to Marissa, as she skimmed through a book called The Unusual Celebrity Deaths.
“D’you have any idea how Attila the Hun died?” asked Helen with enthusiasm as though she was reading the most interesting thing in the world.
“Ran over by a bulldozer?” offered Marissa.
Helen didn’t pay attention to the sarcasm.
“Bled to death” she said agape. “From a nosebleed. On his wedding night. Can you believe it? What are the odds for something like that to happen? I mean, he was very brave man. Fearless, even. Wouldn’t you expect him to die in a battle with the last will to protect his people?”
“I s’pose so.”
“Oh, check out this book” Helen whispered ecstatically. “Love letters of Napoleon! Wouldn’t you give your salary because of this?”
Instead of making a witty comment, Marissa only smiled. “I don’t know about me, but I am sure you would.”
Helen simply nodded and read a paragraph out loud: “Come soon; I warn you, if you delay, you will find me ill. Fatigue and your absence are too much. Your letters are the joy of my days, and my days of happiness are not many. Beautiful, isn’t it?”
Suddenly, the bells above the entrance doors jingled. Helen unwillingly raised her head, looking at Marissa petitionary.
“Please? I really want to do this. And, after all, you said you hated the arranging and you know I love it!”
“Alright, alright” sighed Marissa, as she put the books aside. “I’ll go serve the costumer, but you owe me one!”
“You’re the best.” grinned Helen, continuing to sort the tomes.
She was just about to have a peep into Julius Caesar’s Biggest Mistake, when she heard the voice of the man who entered.
Oh… my… goodness…
Helen was sure her heart had stopped, her mind had gone blank and her hands froze. Then in the next moment, her heart started beating faster and faster, as though it was trying to win a race.
That voice… that voice… I know that voice…
There was something unbearably familiar in his tone. Helen couldn’t see the man because she was sitting on the floor covered in a large pile of books, but she could feel something strangely eminent. Helen instinctively grabbed the necklace around her neck, feeling her hand burning with heat. She perplexedly looked at the letters HRH in her hand. Somehow, and Helen couldn’t even explain it to herself, she knew the man had something to do with the necklace. Her brain started to mess with her. A lot of thoughts interlaced at the same time, leaving Helen completely helpless and lost.
I have to go there… I have to see him… Oh my God, what if he’s the one? Person from my past? What if he knows me? What if he’s one of the three letters around my neck? But then again, maybe I am just hallucinating. What if I say something and he thinks I’m no less than a lunatic? Oh my God, oh my God, I need to relax. And I need to know. I must! I’m going there. Now. Immediately.
Helen squeezed the letters once more, rapidly stood up, and as she did so, a big number of books fell upon her. Helen cursed out loud.
“To hell with it! Not now! Why now, God, why?”
She gave her best to put them back in place as fast as possible, but it was apparent that she had lost a lot of time while doing so. As soon as she finished it, Helen quickly headed towards the front part of the store. Then she heard it again. The jingling. The bells.
No, no, no…
She was too late.
“No!!!” yelled Helen, speeding up.
Please, God, don’t tell me he’s gone… please don’t do this… please…
“Helen” she could hear Marissa’s confused voice as she was nearing her, “why in Christ’s name are you hurrying so much? Have you finished the arranging yet?”
Helen didn’t seem to notice Marissa’s questions. Her mind was focused only on one thing: finding the mysterious guy.
“He… didn’t go away already… did he?” asked Helen desperately, turning around to see if the man was still in the “Bookland”.
“Who, Hel?” Marissa plainly asked, obviously being clueless “What are you talking about?”
“Him! The man! The man you talked to!” Helen said in one breath.
“The costumer? He’s just left, but I don’t understand why…”
Helen didn’t wait for Marissa to finish the sentence. She quikcly opened the heavy entrance door and stepped out on a cold December breeze. She looked straight ahead, then left, then right, not even knowing who she was looking for.
Oh, great… Just great. I should have asked Marissa how the man appeared before running out like an idiot…. Congratulations, Helen, you really have a gift to make your life even more miserable than it already is… I salute you…
Then suddenly, in the end of the street, among many people, she saw a back of a man’s figure. Figure that stood out. Helen’s stomach made a jumble and she knew it. It was him, but he was far away from her. Helen was positive she could never catch him, even if she tried. She couldn’t see how exactly he looked like, but one thing was for sure – he was tall, wearing strange black robes and his hair was extremely red. It was him. The person from her dream. She remember dreaming about a red-haired boy once... That man was one of the people she used to know. And she missed the chance to talk to him.
“You evil, evil destiny..” muttered Helen numbly as she trembled on cold air. “You’ll pay me for this one... Mark my words.”
November 6th, 2004, 2:41 pm
Guardian Angel: Here it is, a new bit, for all of you lovely readers of mine. I got SO MUCH feedback, wow! And so much support. It means very much to me, so don’t stop liking the story, please. :p Tell me what you think about the new installment, okay? :) Love.
Chapter Eight: Word that Caused Trouble
I am such a jinx. I really am. I am the biggest jinx in the history of jinxes. I should probably get a medal that says “Jinx of all times”. Or wear a transparent that says “Get away from me, I am jinxed”.
Helen’s head was full of thoughts like this. She constantly kept blaming herself she refused to greet the customer. At one point, Marissa simply wasn’t able to watch Helen torturing herself anymore. She begged Helen to go home and get some rest, so Helen left the “Bookland” earlier that day. True, she didn’t really object Marissa’s advice. It was obvious she felt rather tired, crushed and… disappointed. There was also that constant annoying throbbing feeling in her body reminding her how her life could have changed that day. And how it didn’t.
If only I hadn’t missed that guy… If only…
There was ice everywhere. Helen had to give her best to concentrate on careful walking across it. Somehow, whenever she would persuade herself to focus on world around her, the magical sight of red hair would appear in front of her eyes, and she would be lost in thoughts again.
Who is he? What kind of bond do we have? Or do we have any connection at all? Is it possible that my instincts failed me? Is it possible that I’ve simply become too desperate and started searching for fire when there’s no smoke even.
Helen couldn’t wait to feel the soft touch of pillows and blankets and release her mind of nay thoughts. Finally, she reached her building and barely managed to climb the third floor.
I need sleep. Maybe dreams will help me remember that fellow, who knows…
Helen put her hand in purse, fumbling around in order to find a key to the apartment.
She searched the purse more than five times, each and every time without success. Her head wanted to explode.
Why now? Why today? Why did I have to forget the keys at the bookshop today? I’ve already proved I’m the biggest jinx ever – I didn’t need this!
“God d@mn it!” Helen cursed out loud, letting her emotions form that simple swear-word. Helen wasn’t really used to swearing, so she was a bit surprised with what she said.
Nevertheless, Helen was even more thunderstruck after she had muttered the only word that subconsciously came to her mind.
“Calm down, Hel. Come on.”
Unfortunately, Helen didn’t pay attention to Deanna’s begs, so she continued looking both furiously and confusedly at one point on the opposite wall.
“It’s not that bad, I’m sure.” whispered Deanna again. “Please calm down.”
Helen moaned something in her chin which Deanna couldn’t hear.
“Tell me what happened. Whatever it is, I’ll give my best to help. Was it because of that man today? Did he make you cry?”
“I- I –“ Helen started and then felt a huge dumpling in her throat.
I didn’t cry before, I won’t cry now either!
“No, not him, but… I-I can’t!” Helen responded, suddenly sobbing. “I’m such an idiot!”
“You’re not... Don’t say that! Everything will be fine, just tell me what happened.” Deanna didn’t give up. ”Ok?”
I wish it was that easy…
Helen took a deep breath, desperately wanting the tears in eyes to dry.
“There.” Deanna muttered as she noticed that the sobs were almost gone.
“I don’t know what…” began Helen, immediately breaking off.
“Or why – why I did that. I don’t know.”
For the first time since Deanna came to her house, Helen faced her friend’s eyes.
“I know you’ve forgotten your keys, but I am positive that’s not what made you so upset… I mean, people don’t usually cry because of keys, right?” grinned Deanna softly. “Everybody loses them… That’s why I came in the first place. Marissa told me you’ve forgot the keys at the shop, and since she was too busy with the customers, and I had a lot of free time, I decided to bring them for you. See how thoughtful I am?”
“Very.” Helen faintly smiled, then put on her grim face again.
“There’s something more. Care to share?”
Helen didn’t answer but she forced herself to make a slowly nod.
I have no idea what to tell her….
She tried her best to remember the word that caused all of this.
Was it Amolara? Alohera? Aholorama? Why can’t I remember it?! I was stupid enough to mutter nonsense like that, expecting the door to open… I should be able to repeat it now, shouldn’t I?
“Tell me, Hel. I promise I’ll help you if you just tell me…” Deanna gently said.
“Alright…” Helen heavily sighed “I’m not sure if you’ll understand, though. I know I don’t.”
Deanna patiently waited for Helen to continue.
“This day was pretty odd, in whole, that’s for sure… Exhausting, too… First that man who had some connection to my necklace… then… Well, when I came here… and realized I didn’t have the keys I suddenly had a need ...” Helen stopped trying to find some other words to explain what had happened “I felt like there was a thing...”
That didn’t sound right to Helen so she changed the choice of the words.
“I actually said something very… unexpected… silly… stupid… and had a strange feeling that it’ll ... Please, don’t laugh, Deanna. I thought it’d open the doors”
Helen shyly muttered the last few words.
There, I’ve chased away one of the few people who actually accepted me. Well done, genius!
Deanna’s mouth was wide open. She expected a lot of things, but she didn’t expect this coming at all. Helen was always so sincere and Deanna was convinced that Helen wouldn’t make things up.
“I know. You think I’m crazy. Well, maybe I am, you know. Maybe Michael Sanders didn’t tell me the amnesia had side-affects. Maybe he ‘forgot’ to tell me I had more of a brain damage and that I am completely insane. Go on, tell me you think the same.”
“That would probably be the last thing I’d ever think about you.” Deanna said sounding confused but very honest in the same time “Besides, if I thought it was true, then I’d have a lot of trouble. I hired you, remember? People may start pointing at me saying – ‘Look it’s that Jones gal, she has a nutter working in her shop.’”
Helen caught herself chucking at this comment.
Where do good people like Michael, Deanna and Marissa come from? I’ll never know the answer to that question.
“Still…” Deanna said curiously “I just can’t help but… wonder… why you’d say anything and think that it could actually, er, unlock the door?”
Helen didn’t have strength to answer. She was too tired even before this torture. Before saying the stupid word. Before the whole situation. She felt a need for a good sleep the entire day… and now more that ever…
“Alrighty, girl” said Deanna, realizing Helen had had enough of it for one day. “I’m leaving you now. I have to go back to the bookshop and let Mar know everything’s fine now. Also, girl, I am forbidding you to bang your head about this. Everybody does silly things. People are silly in general. Besides, I promise– everything’s done with a reason. Therefore I am one hundred percent sure that there’s an explanation for this. Sleep well.”
Guardian Angel: Some people say Alohomora. Some say Alohamora. Which is the correct form? Please tell me in the feedback section. :) Thanks!
December 8th, 2004, 8:56 pm
Guardian Angel: Ta na na na! Here's the long awaited new part. Please don't kill me because it's not long! [then you won't have anyone to write the continuation :p] Be happy I wrote at least something... ;) Tell me what you think, okay? Oh, and, mucho mucho MUCHO thankses for all of your previous feedback. You're the best! *hugs*
Chapter Nine: The Piece of Wood
Why is everyone staring so openly at me? Why? What in God’s name is wrong? I don’t understand!
“Can you believe what she’s done? I certainly cannot…” a little girl abhorred, plain disappointment shining from her eyes.
What? What did I do?
“And she’s, like, supposed to be the best in here...” her friend muttered in agreement.
What? What is so unbelievable? Why does everyone keep pointing at me? What is going on?
“Without a wand... Totally inadmissible!” one older boy said in an almost disgusted voice. The expression on his face showed disapproval and indignation. A lot of people nodded.
A wand? Inadmissible? Have I done something wrong? And what?
“I’ve heard she might even get expelled..."
“Saying charms without a wand... A first year wouldn’t do that! “
“I could have never expected this! From her!”
“She used to be the best student. I mean, she's always been brilliant! And now..."
“Ah. What would you expect from a filthy Mudblood? A pureblood would never do anything similar to this...”
But, what did I do?!
“Now dare to tell me that she's the most responsible prefect ever!”
“I know I don’t want to have a Head Girl like that.”
“Even her best friends are ashamed...”
The voices started to mix producing a terrible messy noise. At one point, they could be no longer heard. Everything started to spin very quickly. Whirlpool of colours filled Helen’s mind, and suddenly, one object became clearer and clearer.
It was brown...
It looked like...
A piece of wood?
It was a piece of wood...
Object she needed badly.
Helen woke up with a terrible headache, hardly being able to tell where she was. She decided to sit on her bed for a while and try to make the buzzing go away. Helen wasn't really able to open her eyes, but somehow forced herself to stand up and get an aspirin. She swallowed it with water and went back to bed.
Helen glanced towards the clock near TV. It showed midnight which meant she had slept for almost four hours. Helen knew that she could sleep only four more – that’s how her organism worked.
She was just about to close her eyes again, when a random word ran through her mind.
It started to echo in her head as if it was banging the walls.
Helen's sleepy brain didn't register it immediately.
Stick? Why the hell would I be thinking about that now?
But then she suddenly remembered something.
Michael Sanders... bags... I've never opened the bags he gave me that day when I was leaving the hospital...
Helen played the film backwards in her head.
Yes... There was something from my past life in one of them. Piece of wood?
Helen slowly got up once again and went to find the bag. She timidly opened it as though she was scared... Scared of information she might get.
Helen moved closer to it and saw something covered with paper. She grabbed it and started to unpack. She could see something dark brown in front of her.
Helen deeply sighed and seized it, momentarily feeling warmth going through her body. Her hands started to sweat very fast. Helen's heart was beating like it didn’t beat in the past few years. She wanted to drop the stick, but she couldn’t.
The stick had her. She wanted to scream for help, she wanted to throw it away, she wanted to get rid of that unnormal warm feeling, but an inner voice had different plans.
"No, what?" she responded to herself outloud. "What d'you mean no?"
What if... What if you simply point it at something?
"I wont point it at anything..."
Helen didn’t even know why she would think that, but her arms auotmatically lifted the stick. She looked around the room and noticed a vase standing on a little table she bought from her first salary.
That'll do. Aim.
Helen closed her eyes as she felt this was the right thing to do.
She opened her mouth and yelled: "Reducto!"
The vase broke in hundred pieces.
December 14th, 2004, 10:35 pm
Guardian Angel: Here's a quick update. :) I hope you'll like it. If not, then let me just tell you that I am so tired that I can't even keep my eyes open. And I am going to ultra-sound tomorrow. Doing some tests, because I don't know what is wrong with me. [like Helen, :lol:] This chappie probably contains a lot of typos, but I apologize. Can't correct 'em now, sorry.
So, anyways... please write feedback, okay? I love you all, mwah!
Chapter Ten: I know Everything
“Helen is late.” Deanna muttered, as she checked her wrist watch. "Helen is [i]late." She repeated, as though she couldn't believe her own words.
“I am sure she’ll come.” responded Marissa insecurely.
Deanna nodded, trying not to show worry. But Marissa knew something was wrong. She could tell from Deanna’s tone in voice. Marissa noticed Deanna had been acting very strangely since yesterday. Marissa even had to raise her voice a few times in order to get her boss’s attention, which was unusual, considering that Deanna had alaways been a good listener.
„So... What happened yesterday?“ Marissa dared to ask after a few moment of silence.
„Hmm?“ Deanna said absent-mindedly. „Oh, you mean, with Helen.“
„I... I’m not sure...“
„You only muttered into your chin she did something... curious? If I understood you correctly.“
„Did I?“ said Deanna slowly. „Well, seems like... Helen’s said something... she didn’t want to say. A strange word, as she described it.“
“Oh!“ Marissa gasped and then lowered her voice. „Do you think, well, this may sound far-fetched... and crazy... but, if Hel’s said something and she didn’t know she did it... Do you, do you think it may have been connected to her... you know... previous life?“
Deanna focused her deep eyes on Marissa. She was quiet for some time.
„I don’t know. But I think there is a possibility.“
Marissa wanted to know more and feed her curiosity, but Deanna prevented it.
„Well, it was about time.“
Marissa gave Deanna a confused look, but then followed her gaze and noticed Helen was going towards the Bookland. She opened the door, exclaiming:
“Where have you been?!”
Helen didn’t even look at her. She passed by Marissa and Deanna as though they were ghosts, heading straight to Deanna’s office and waiting for Marissa and Deanna to join her. As soon as they entered the room, Helen spoke:
„That’s it. I know.“
Marissa and Deanna exchanged puzzled looks.
„I know everything about myself.“ Helen said in an emotionless voice, as though it belonged to an object instead of a person.
„W-what..“ Marissa stuttered. „What do you mean? How?“
„Care to share?“ Deanna was practical, avoiding to ask unnecessary questions.
“It’s funny...“ Helen began, as her lips formed a strange smile that seemed more like a cramp, than a real smile. „’tis funny how you all think I am some kind of a good girl. Good person, right? Well, I know it now. You’re wrong. You are so wrong. I was too. My real I is not that good at all.”
„What in God’s name are you talking about?“ Marissa asked, suddenly feeling terrible creeps going down her spine.
“Everything fits.“ Helen’s look was lost somewhere between Marissa and Deanna. „The man in black robes. Remember him? Black robes. Then, there’s that need for babbling weird words. I’m sure Deanna’s told you about it. Anyhow. It can mean only one thing. Only one.“
“Go on.” Whispered Deanna, not apperaing to be as calm as before, because her voice trembled.
“I’m sorry ladies, but I... I am in some kind of a satanistic cult.”
Marissa almost choked when she heard the last words.
„You’ve gotta be kidding me!“
“Do you see me laugh?“ Helen seriously responded. „I’m positive. The puzzle’s been solved. And the end is not very happy, I’ll say.”
“Wanna know what I think?“ asked Deanna.
„Why not?“ Helen said, still sounding monotonous and very tired. „But don’t say I didn’t warn you. ’Cause I can get my woodoo doll and stab you if I don’t like your opinion.“
„Yeah, well, I’ll take my chance. What I think is that you’ve, accidentally or on purpose, forgotten to mention one little detail, that I believe to be important to this whole story.”
Helen blinked and, for the first time since she had arrived, she didn’t look lifeless. „I don’t know what you’re tal...“
“You said robes, all right.“ Deanna ignored Helen and continued to speak. „You’ve also mentioned the odd words. Fine. But you didn’t tell us anything about one lobject that, in my humble opinion, has the greatest importance in here.”
Helen stared at Deanna, mute, shaky and thunderstruck.
No way... No bloody way... It’s impossible for Deanna to know. How could she even... guess about it? About my satanistic little... helper...
“Don’t worry, Helen. I can understand how big of a shock it must be for you. But lying won’t help you. Truth sets free. Don’t be afraid to say what you really have.”
Marissa had the hardest time trying to keep with the conversation and her eyeballs were threatening to escape from her head.
“But I’m not lying!“ Helen exclaimed. „I do think I’m in some kind of a cult, even though I don’t want to believe it.“
“Just tell me. Just tell me if there’s one more object that bounds you to your past, I will help you.“ Deanna whispered, trying to sound as encouraging as possible. „I know am able to, just tell me.”
„Deanna, how...?“ poor Marissa couldn’t understand what had been going on. Everything was mixed to her.
“Okay, there was one stupid thing more.“ Helen finally said it, feeling as though her nightmares were becoming reality. „Some stupid stick that did some stupid things... Oh, God, I can’t bear this any more! What have I done to be punished like this? Oh, don’t tell me to calm down..." she said, as a tear strolled down her face. She hated herself that she was starting to cry. But she couldn't fight any more. "You should’ve seen your dear innocent Helen last night! I was breaking things! With nothing but a stupid stick! I'm cursed and deserve to be locked away!“
“Helen, I assure you that you aren’t a Satanist. Or a member of any kind of cults. Or cursed. If everything you’ve told me was true, then I...
Well, honey, I think I know who you are. What you are, to be precise. I’ll go this far to tell you we’re the same kind. Oh, yes, it certainly does seem so. When you calm down, I’ll tell you some things. You maybe won’t be able to swallow them at the moment, but I’ll explain everything I know that may help you in future. I can freely say that you’re one step closer to your real life, Helen! Do be happy because of it! One step close to the life before this. And between you and me, that life is much better the life you’re living right now.”
Deanna smiled widely as she hugged Helen.
Guardian Angel: I know you may think this means we're close... but, eh. It's not so easy. :evil:
February 9th, 2005, 9:16 am
Guardian Angel: Finally, some more. Please read and write feedback... and do not get fooled. This is SO not the end. :) I love you all, my readers! You are the best people ever.
Chapter Eleven: Bits of the Puzzle
“I don’t get it... I just don’t get it…” muttered Helen under breath. “I… How can you be so sure who I am?”
Her big brown eyes rested on Deanna’s mouth, waiting for them to move and explain it all to her. Helen felt extremely strange as she was shaking with anticipation.
Okay. Calm down. Let's just suppose for a moment, that I believe her and… What if Deanna really knows? What if I’m only seconds away from solving the biggest mystery in my life? Will I be able to bear it? Am I ready to meet my old life?
“I’m not saying I know exactly who you are, Hel” said Deanna tenderly. “but I’m quite sure I know some bits that can be very important. Like pieces of a complicated puzzle you still need to complete. I can only help you on that way.”
Deanna turned to Marissa, who was still as confused as ever. “Perhaps it would be better if you’d leave the off...”
“Why would she?” Helen cut her. “Marissa would like to know as well.”
Marissa didn’t know what to do. She was used to take orders from Deanna and now wasn’t sure if this situation was any different.
Helen sighed. “I... I really don’t know what to expect from Deanna, but whatever it may be, I’d like you to be here with me.”
Marissa still seemed confused.
“Both of you were there when I was going through the rough times. You had to listen to my misery. You both stayed with me at nights when I couldn’t sleep. You were there to comfort me. And I can’t think of anyone else who should be here in this moment, if not you two. So, you need to be when I hear it all. I need you.”
Marissa's cheeks shone and Helen knew it must've been because of the tears. She hugged her tenderly. Deanna was kind enough to let the girls have a few minutes of their own.
"Hel... Mar... We should probably go on.” she softly whispered, trying to separate Marissa and Helen from the strong hug.
They silently sat in chairs, waiting for Deanna to continue.
“Helen, dear, you have to believe me because this is going to be the hardest part. Whatever I say, you will need to believe me. I saw how you reacted thinking you were in a cult, but you were actually starting to believe in it. Okay? Accepting is the first step.”
The excitement and fear of unknown rushed through Helen's guts, up to her heart, throat and kept sizzling.
I'm only nanoseconds away from the truth... can it be? Can it really be?
Helen nodded. “Okay...”
Deanna smiled, as usual, taking a deep breath. “Helen, I know this will sound a bit... well, a lot crazy to you, but you, my dear... you are a witch.”
That's it. I'm dead. My pulse's not there any more. My heart's not beating. Plus, it's extremely hot in here! Maybe I've gone to hell?
"Is this a warm-up joke?" Helen wanted to laugh, but, for some reason, as she saw Deanna shaking her head, Helen found it much harder than she thought it would be.
Well, the dead don't usually laugh. OH, SHUT UP, YOU.
Helen closed her eyes and tried to concentrate on what Deanna had just said.
Why? Why?? WHY? Why on Earth am I not as surprised as I should be?
It was very simple: because deep down in her soul she knew Deanna wasn’t joking. In a way Helen couldn’t explain, she felt that this was the truth. The bare, simple, burning truth. Helen had no idea how, but she was absolutely positive Deanna didn’t lose her mind.
Marissa, on the contrary, thought that it was the precise thing that happened to Deanna. “Yes. And I am Cinderella and you are my step mom.”
Helen didn’t even hear Marissa's sarcasm. “Are... are you sure?”
“Of course I am.” Marissa’s odd and exaggeratedly happy voice responded “We’re all something crazy here, see? Only you are from a different fairytale. You should be my Godmother, instead of a witch. There are no witches in Cinderella, you know.”
Deanna didn’t take Marissa’s words into consideration. “Yes, Helen. I couldn’t be wrong about that. Everything's fitting so nicely, that I'm really angry with myself I haven't realized it sooner. In a way, I think I did know it for a long time now, but I needed evidences as well. They were, by the way, under my very nose. Mind if I insult myself because of this? Thanks."
Deanna seemed quite angry with herself.
“What d'you mean -- under your nose? How?”
“Quite simple. Saying those strange words, Helen. Remember?”
I could never forget something like that...
“Those weren’t strange words, at all. Those were spells."
"See? You are my Fairy Godmother, after all."
"You see, Helen, you didn't have a key, but you still knew you could open the door without them. A spell would do a great job there, but there was one slight problem.”
“You didn’t have a wand with you.”
The problem... I think I remember something... maybe from a dream? Yes... There was something everybody accused me of... Yes... It was... could it be... the fact I didn't have a wand when I tried to unlock the door? Oh. My. God. This is unbelievable...
Marissa couldn’t stand anymore. She energetically stood up, pointed finger at Deanna and yelled, words simply flowing out of her mouth.
“I don’t know what game you're playing, Deanna. I don't care if you are my boss or my friend. Well, I thought you were mine and Helen's friend, but obviously... I am warning you! You can’t fill Helen’s head with nonsense anymore! What gives you right to talk about witches... and some abracadabra stuff? She maybe have lost her memory, but she didn't lose her common sense! Come on, Hel, let's go outta here, before she tells you more lies! We really don’t have to listen to this ****.”
I can do that... I can leave this office and stop hearing about spells... and... wands... and witches...
"Helen, please... You can't tell me you believe in that nonsense?!"
I'm afraid I do...
“Mar. Please sit down. You are right -- this does sound crazy, I know it... but I... I do believe in it.”
Marissa’s eyes widened and her voice got that funny note again. “You can’t seriously...”
“Each and every word Deanna had said had some... strange... influence on me. I must admit I felt warm and cozy... just like I do when I have my dreams I can't remember afterwards... It was almost as though I knew what she was talking about. You’ll probably think I am a lunatic, but I... I honestly... Mar, I believe that I’m a witch.”
March 29th, 2005, 10:38 am
Guardian Angel: Guess who's back from the dead? :lol: Oh, it's me alright. Only, my sicknesses keep getting me. Guess what I have now? CONTAGIOUS CONJUNCTIVITIS. Am I the biggest jinx on this world or what? Grrrr. Okay. Enough about my problems. I hope you like this chappie, which is a bit bigger, yay! :D Feedback (http://www.cosforums.com/showthread.php?p=1288811#post1288811) is ALWAYS highly appreciated. Love you all, my pretties! Enjoy.
Chapter Twelve: No Time for Jokes
Helen sat alone in Deanna’s office, thinking about everything Deanna had explained so far. She maybe did have a feeling that what Deanna had said was true, but she also needed time to get used to it.
It wasn’t very easy to be an entirely ordinary girl with no memories in one moment and a completely mysterious witch in another one...
Helen kept questioning her brain over and over again, desperately trying to remember anything from her dreams that could possibly help - with no major results.
I could swear there were some people, though... Two persons I felt safe with... But who were they? Friends? Witches? Wizards, possibly? Why can’t I remember?
Helen sighed heavily, closing her eyes. The guessing seemed rather pointless.
Deanna told her about some of the wizarding schools before leaving the office. She randomly spilled names of schools all over the country and Europe... before one of them had a strong effect to Helen.
Helen could still see the multitude blurry pictures running in front of her eyes and passing through her mind unstoppably. Deanna noticed something had been going on, feeling excited that they were one step closer to the solution of mystery.
Helen felt tired and asked to be by herself for some time, agreeing that Deanna would be back in an hour so they could proceed with their conversation.
It was exactly 11:40am when Deanna left the office.
Helen glanced towards the clock. It showed 12:45am now.
She saw the door opening, knowing it was time to continue reviving the memories.
“I’ll say some names and you tell me if any of those give you a cozy feeling. Also, tell me if any of those give you goose bumps and creeps. Or better, Hel, if you feel any kinds of reactions and changes, just say, okay?”
Helen smiled, nodding expectantly.
“Good. Listen to me carefully now,” Deanna commanded. “What do you think about... Ravenclaw?”
Helen stared blankly at Deanna.
“You sure you don’t feel anything?”
“Oh.” Deanna said almost disappointed, “alright, if you say so, nothing there I s‘pose. But you did seem like a Claw to me. Oh well, maybe I don’t remember much about those houses...”
“Excuse me?” Helen said confusedly.
“Sorry, sorry, forget it, we’re moving on,” Deanna said and took another breath. “How ‘bout Hufflepuff?”
“No? Sure, sure. I thought so... Okay, dear, now concentrate. Tell me what you think about Slytherin?” Deanna said, accenting the last word.
Helen trembled, feeling chilly all of the sudden. She could swear there was something ominous, really bad and evil in that word.
“To be honest? It makes me want to kick somebody’s bollocks.”
“Of course it does, my dear,” Deanna said with an enormous smile on her face that threatened to touch her ears. “And the last, but certainly not the least. Ready?”
“Will never be readier than I am now.”
“That’s my girl. Tell me, Helen,” said Deanna nearly triumphantly, “how does Gryffindor sound to you?”
Quite unexpectedly, Helen felt her hand holding her HRH necklace.
Gryffindor... Gryffindor... Oh, it is... such a wonderful, melodic word, isn’t it? It contains everything I need in my life.
“It – the word –“ whispered Helen, “oh, Deanna, it is beautiful. Makes me feel so comfortable and safe.”
“Then, before I explain everything about those words to you,” Deanna’s voice was filled with unhidden joy, “there’s only one question left to ask you.”
“Does the name Harry Potter mean anything to you?”
Helen’s chocolate brown eyes widened as her heart started beating as fast as ever.
Harry Potter... Harry Potter...
A messy black hair, as well as two bright green eyes and a scar flew in and out of her mind. She barely managed to breathe normally.
Harry Potter... Harry Potter... What is happening? Why is that name doing this to me? Harry Potter...
It took her a few seconds to realize Deanna was trying to calm her down.
Helen tried to take a deep breath, because it seemed as though the oxygen had troubles reaching her brain.
“Harry...” she gasped. “Potter...”
“Helen, honey, you don’t have to answer this instance, I’ll underst...”
“N- no!” exclaimed Helen, still breathing unevenly. “You asked – asked me and I’ve got to answer. That name is... so - so oddly familiar... As though – like you’ve mentioned- somebody I – I –I used to know... I mean.. I knew him... That name is so familiar... Harry...”
“Okay, dear. Calm down,” whispered Deanna, “It doesn’t necessarily mean you knew him in personal... because he is quite famous...”
“But, I... I... I think I did know him...”
“Alright... Is it possible to tell me something about him? Anything you can remember. Anything at all.”
Deanna encouragingly nodded, “You’re right, dear, go on...”
“I – I think... hair... black... and a scar... He had a scar... On his face... Yeah, a scar on his forehead and a black hair... never tidy... hair... ”
Helen talked as though she had been in delirium.
“Do you know anythi...” Deanna tried to ask, but got cut off with Helen’s loud shout.
“He loved Quidditch!”
Deanna looked thunderstruck, “Quidditch?”
“Oh, you know. Quidditch...”
Helen started speaking normally and untroubled again. The was no sign of the delirious talking from moment ago, but something in her eyes wasn’t right. It looked as though she wasn’t aware of what she had been saying, as though it was only a long lost subconscious reflex.
“Game on brooms, Deanna. C’mon, I bet you played it when you were kid...”
Deanna gaped in awe, completely in loss for words. She expected all kinds of things, but she hadn’t even dreamed Helen would start talking like that.
She decided to test Helen.
“Er, yes... Actually, you’re right, I did play it. But it was a long time ago... I don’t remember the rules so well, you know, I am getting older and everything... Maybe you could refresh my memory?”
“You’re not that old,” Helen rolled her eyes, but still looked pleased that she had an opportunity to explain something to Deanna, “Alright, listen to me carefully. There are seven players in a team and three of them are Chasers. The chasers throw the Quaffle, which is a funny looking red ball, to each other and try to get it though one of the hoops on Quidditch field so they can score. Got that?”
“Yeah, yeah, go on...”
“Then, there’s one Keeper, who’s trying to stop the other team from scoring. That’s easy to remember. Then there are two Beaters. They are hitting a ball called Bludger so they can distract the opponent team. Clear so far?”
“Crystal clear,” said Deanna, smiling happily.
“And, in the end, there is... there is a Seeker. Seeker... He...” Helen hastily stopped.
“He... he...” she whispered, as a tear starting to weld up in her eye, “Harry used to be a Seeker... Harry Potter... Oh, how I miss him, Deanna! I miss him so bloody much... Where is he? What is he doing nowadays? Does he ever think of me?”
Deanna felt trapped and unprepared. It seemed like Helen and Harry were very close one upon a time. Deanna only asked Helen about Harry Potter because he was one of the most famous wizards in the history of the world. It was obvious to ask about Harry – everyone knew his name, but Deanna certainly didn’t expect such an emotional respond.
“Helen. Was he... your friend?”
Helen nodded, silent tears watering her cheeks, “My best friend. Best friend... And my name’s not H - Helen...” she added distractedly.
Deanna jumped on her seat, “What?”
“Never mind. It – it h – h –“ sobbed Helen, “ it happens. Don’t you worry about calling me wrongly, people make mis – mistakes all the time...”
Deanna tried to smile, but the muscles around her mouth were disobedient.
“Well, seems like I’m really going senile... but would you mind telling me your name?”
Helen made a funny grimace, “Deanna, it’s not the time for jokes at all. I don’t understand how you can do it now... and this time... honestly...”
“Well, actually, I’m not joking at all, Helen.”
“Helen?” she left a funny sound, staring disbelievingly at Deanna, “Is this some kind of a cruel game or...”
But Helen never finished that sentence. Her head suddenly felt extremely heavy and threatened to detach from her neck. The pressure in her forehead made her eyes close immediately and in the next moment, Helen was lying flat on her back.