Robes off!

[ginnybatbogeysyou]

Robes off!

This is a new talk show on the Witches and Wizards Channel. Ever week, another guest will drop by and answer the questions asked by your host, Trix Quibble. You’re not able to sue us if you’ve had nasty experiences caused by the contents of this program, so don’t even try.

Have fun reading!
Feedback in this topic please: http://www.cosforums.com/showthread.php?t=18595

[ginnybatbogeysyou]

Episode 1


Voice: ‘Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome to our new show right here on the Witches and Wizards Channel: Robes off! Here’s your host for tonight: Trix Quibble!’
Suddenly, a cloud with a witch on it emerges from a hole in the roof of the studio. She flies a couple rounds over the heads of the people in the audience, who are cheering. Trix makes a spectacular looping and lands gently on a big, red bumpy chair.
Trix: ‘Welcome ladies and gentleman! It’s great you’re all watching the first episode of “Robes off!” We have a very special guest today. He studies at Hogwarts and after that, he decided to become a Dark Lord. And you can’t deny he didn’t accomplish his dream. Here he is: He-who-must-not-be-named!’
Voldemort walks down a glittering staircase, waves happily to the audience and sits down next to Trix in a smaller green chair.

Audience: *gasps and tries to run away* *some even manage to get away*
Trix: ‘Welcome mister You-know-who. Very nice of you to be with us tonight.’
Voldemort: ‘Yes, you have to do something when you a re-born and those idiots at the Ministry of Magic don’t believe it.’
Trix: ‘So you really are re-born?’ *looks panicked* ‘****, that Potter boy was right after all.’
Voldemort: ‘Miss, don’t you worry. I won’t kill anybody tonight. It’s still to early for bad publicity. That PR-Death Eater told me to show my soft side first, then get back to business.’
Trix: ‘All right then. Well, here’s the first question: who is your favourite movie character.’
Voldemort: ‘That has to be Darth Vader.’
Trix: ‘Why?’
Voldemort: ‘I can relate to him. He also was a handsome guy, just like me. And we both went bad. We are pure evil! And I love his line: “Luke, I’m your father”. I’d love to do that to Harry Potter, it would scare him to death.’ *laughs*
Trix and audience: *wonder what the joke was*
Voldemort: ‘I just made a joke’ *grabs his wand a waves dangerously with it*
Trix and audience: *laugh their asses of because they have to*
Voldemort: ‘Come on, I wasn’t that funny.’ *waves wand again*
Trix and audience: *stop laughing immediately*
Trix: ‘That brings us to the next question. Why do you want to kill Harry Potter?’
Voldemort: ‘I hope you understand I’d have to kill you if I told that.’
Trix: *looks angry to her director* ‘I thought I would be save here!’
Regisseur: *shrugs* ‘We approve of everything, as long as the ratings are high. Go on with the questions!’
Trix: *swallows* ‘Would you like to answer that mister Dark Lord?’
Voldemort: ‘Of course, but you won’t understand any of it. And I won’t kill you. First positive publicity, then negative publicity. And I’m afraid that’s the reason i can’t tell you about my desire for killing Harry Potter.
Trix: ‘Right. OK, next question: why are you so evil?’
Voldemort: ‘I don’t know.’
Trix: ‘How do you mean, “You don’t know?”
Voldemort: ‘Well, J.K. Rowling never mentioned why I’m evil. I only know i have to be evil. And that’s why I, the Dark Lord *rises from his chair and lightening bolts flash around him* am the most evil being on this planet and all the other. Including Uranus.’
Trix: ‘That must be frustrating: being evil but not knowing why.’
Voldemort: ‘You hit the mudblood on the head with that question. That’s very frustrating. But I have my self-help book “How to be evil when you don’t know why” and that gets me through these hard times. Next question.’

Trix: ‘What is, in your opinion, your best feature?’
Voldemort: *thinks for a second* ‘I think my eyes. How about you’ *holds his head very close to Trix’*
Trix: *withdraws herself* ‘Er, well, they are very… er… red… Tell me, what don’t you like about yourself?’
Voldemort: ‘Don’t like? Do you mean something with that, miss Quibble? I’ve had enough positive publicity, so you’d better watch your words…’ *plays with his wand, smirking*
Trix: ‘No, no, of course not. I think somebody from the crew thought up this questions.’ *throws a nasty look at the director* ‘We’d better go on with these questions.’ *looks at her paper, comes to the conclusion that none of the questions are suitable to ask the Dark Lord and starts panicking* ‘Uh, ladies and gentlemen, it’s time for a quick break, but we will be right back.’
Director: ‘Trix, you need to try and make this episode a bit more spectacular, otherwise there’ll never be a second episode.’
Trix: *whispers to the director* ‘What do you want me to do! I’m interviewing a dangerous maniac!’
Voldemort: ‘O, that’s so kind of you, miss Quibble, thanks!’
Director: *coughs* ‘Freak.’ *coughs*
Voldemort: ‘I heard that!’ *fires curse at director, whose face get all green and leafy*

A bell starts too ring and Trix and Voldemort go back to their seats to continue their interview. The audience is still watching the director, who’s lying on the floor, covered in leafs.
Trix: ‘Now some questions from the audience. Where’s mister Doodle?’
Mister Doodle: *isn’t born yesterday and decided to pretend he isn’t there*
Trix: ‘Uhm, he must be at the toilets or something. But he wanted to ask you where you lived when you were hiding from us in Albania?’
Voldemort: ‘I had a very comfortable cave, decorated by the latest trends as seen in Witch Weekly.’
Trix: ‘You read Witch Weekly?’
Voldemort: *blushes* ‘Yes, well, you have to, uhm, stay up to date, haven’t you? *turns very red*
Trix: *laughs, but stops when she sees Voldemort’s hand grabbing his wand firmly. *is afraid that she’ll end just like the director when she continues with the interview*
Trix: ‘Last question from the audience. This one’s from Mrs. Peachbush. Mrs. Peachbush, where are you?’
Mevrouw Peachbush: *has already left the studio at the beginning of the show*
Trix: *looks a bit pale now* ‘She must be very shy. She wondered what you’re favorite colour is?’
Voldemort: ‘My favourite colour,’ *rolls eyes* ‘Do you really need to ask that? But I’ll answer: green. Next question!’ *looks bored*
Trix: *sees as sign which reads “end show” in the corner of her eyes and is very relieved* ‘Unfortunately, that was the last question. Time flies when you’re having, er, fun, doesn’t it, You-know-who?’
Voldemort: *isn’t very pleased with the fact the show has come to an end already* ‘That’s Mr. You-know-who for you and I haven’t been having fun yet. That has to change, I think. I’ll put the positive publicity to an end! *laughs like a maniac, grabs his wand and shoots some curses*
Audience: *runs away screaming*
Trix: *gets hit by her curse and her ears turn into cauliflowers* ‘Ladies and gentlemen, that’s it for tonight. Thanks for watching and see you next week!’ *runs to her dressing room while covering her ears with her hands*
Voice: ‘Next week; a new episode, with hopefully a new and less evil guest! See you next week!’

[ginnybatbogeysyou]

Episode 2

Voice: ‘Witches and wizards, hags and trolls; welcome to another episode of Robes off! Here’s your beloved host: Trix Quibble!’
The audience shoots hopefull glaces to the ceiling, because they expect another spectacular entrance. Unfortunatly for them, Trix just walks down the glittering staircase en sits down in her big red chair.
Audience: ‘Was that the grand entrance?’
Trix: ‘Welcome on a new episode of Robes off! ’ *sees the unsatisfied looks on the faces of the people in the audience * ‘What?’
Audience person #1: ‘The entry wasn’t as exciting as last week. Where’s that cloud?’
Trix: ‘Er, I forgot about that. Be right back!’ *runs off stage* *comes flying back, seated on a cloud*
Audience: *goes wild*
Trix: ‘Welcome to a brand new Robes off! Is that better?’
Audience: *nods*
Trix: ‘Good. Today, we’ve a very special guest. He’s very fanatic an has a small problem with knowing when to stop. It is said he’s the best Keeper Hogwarts ever had. Here’s …. Oliver Wood!’
Female part of audience: *goes wild*
Oliver Wood comes down the stairs and sits down in the chair next to Trix. Meanwhile, the screaming gets so loud that the glasses of water on the table are beginning to show little cracks. The director decides to do something and charms the public. Their screaming is suddenly much softer.
Trix: ‘Welcome Oliver. Good to have you here.’
Olivier: ‘It’s good to be here.’ *smiles*
Female part of audience *still goes wild, but now at a lower volume*
Trix: ‘OK, first question. What was the greatest moment in your life?’
Olivier: ‘My first Quidditch game. Everytihng was just great: the crowd, the opponents, de referee and even that Bludger that smashed my head.’
Trix: ‘A Bludger smashed your head? Did you win?’
Olivier: ‘Well, I don’t quite remember. *looks a bit ashamed* ‘But I bet my teammates did.’
Trix: ‘What would you bring to a deserted island? Mind it; you can’t take too much.’
Olivier: ‘I don’t need much. A broomstick, some hoops, a Quidditch stadium, a Quaffle, two Bludgers, a Snitch, three Chasers, two Beaters a Seeker and a team that can play us.’ *looks like he has just won the Nobel prize*
Trix: *sighs and rolls her eyes* ‘Olivir, you’re on a deserted island. You can’t bring Quidditch stadiums!’
Olivier: ‘O. Right. In that case, I’ll bring my miniature Quidditch pitch. That’s fun too.’
Trix: *looks at the director, who looks normal again after Voldemorts attack * ‘He only talks about Quidditch! He might be really cute, but doesn’t appear to be too bright.’
Director: *shakes his head* ‘Trix, we have to keep the show divers, so that everybody likes it and that everybody watches it.’
Trix: *throws the director a nasty look* ‘Right, next question. What was your favourite subject when you were still in school?’ *sees where this will end*
Olivier: ‘The flyinglessons of course.’ *rolls eyes*
Trix: ‘Yes, I should have known that. What was the wort moment of your life?’
Olivier: *stares blankly to the ground*
Trix: ‘Oliver, are you still there?’
Olivier *still stares blankly to the ground*
For you, the viewer: Oliver is remembering the pain he felt when he didn’t win the Quidditch Cups, in book 1 and 2. He still has some problems with those experiences and visits a therapist, every Tuesday at five, to get over it.

Therapist: *runs ino the studio and slaps Oliver in the face* ‘Come on, you did win that Cup in book 3, remeber?’
Olivier: *looks like a little kid who was lost his favourite teddybear* ‘Yes, but I also lost two!’ *bursts into tears*
Trix: *looks at director* ‘We won’t show this,. This is personal misery!’
Regisseur: ‘Of course we will show this. It’s reality, and real ife shows get good ratings.’ *waves with his wand* ‘You want to keep your job, don’t you?’ *evil grin*
Therapist: ‘Come on, Oliver, get over yourself and remember this: Bludger in the crotch hurt much more than those feelings.’
Olivier: *still stares blankly to the ground*
Therapist: *shakes his head and whispers a charm*
Suddenly, a Bludger flies into the studio. Fred and George Weasley come flying after it.
Therapist: ‘OK boys, you know what to do.’
F&G: *try to hit each other with the Bludger* *wave to their mummy, who’s watching at home * *hit Bludger in Oliver’s direction*
Beuker: *hits Oliver*
Publiek: *is silent* (They already where cheering soft, but now they are completely silent.)
Olivier: *shakes head* *looks around confused* *realises where he is* ‘What was the question?’
Therapist: *looks satisfied* *gets on Fred’s broomstick* *flies away*
Trix: *is relieved Oliver is his normal stupid self* ‘What’s your favorite book?’
Olivier: ‘That has to be the Broomchampion. Every model from the first to the latest, all the pro’s and con’s, all the prices…
Olivir blabbers on for about ten minutes, but Trix isn’t in the position to interrupt him, becasue the director will fire her when she does that. The director is happy, because this show is also educating now.’
Olivier; ‘… and that’s about all.’ *looks at Trix and audience*
Trix and audience: *are sleeping*
Olivier: *knocks on Trix’ head* ‘Helloooooo! Anubody home?’
Trix: *wakes up* *sees the dangerous looks on the director’s face* ‘Right, next question.
These are some questions you have to answer very short. Ready?’
Oliver: ‘Always, accept the time I spend on my broom.’
Trix: ‘Favourite food ?’
Oliver: ‘My mummy’s homemade cookies, shaped like little broomsticks.’
Trix: *sighs* ‘Favourite colour? ’
Oliver: ‘Red, the same colour as the Gryffindor Quidditch robes.’ *sighs happily*
Trix: ‘What do you wear when you’re sleeping?’
Oliver: ‘A t-shirt with …’
Trix: ‘Let me guess: broomsticks?’
Oliver: *loos frightened* ‘How do you know that?’
Trix: ‘Let’s say I know how people work. Favourite HP-character and why?’
Oliver: ‘Harry, because he won the …’ *stares blankly to the ground again*
Trix: ‘Here we go again…’ *pulls Oliver’s arm to keep him concious and make sure the viewers get to see something interesting*
Oliver: ‘…’
Trix: *sighs* ‘Is that therapist still around?’

Trix hardly finished her sentence when Fred and George come flying in again.
Fred: ‘Ready George?’ *grins*
George: ‘Always Fred’ *grins louder*
Fred and George: *prepare themselves to return Oliver to the land of the living*
Fred: *hits Bludger to George*
George: *hits Bludger and smashes it against Oliver’s head*
Olivier: *doesn’t even notice* *still stares blankly to the ground*
Fred: ‘Hmm’
George: ‘Weird. Noramlly that turns him back to his usual cheerful self.’
Fred: *gets a little candle above his head* ‘George, what if we …’ *gives geroge a devilish look*
George: *looks back, of course devilish* ‘I bet that works.’ *grins* ‘Will you call them?’
Fred: *laughs* ‘I would be honoured. ’
Trix: *really wonders what is going to happen*
Regisseur: *has tears in his eyes, becasue the ratings have never been so high*
Fred: *whistles*

Suddenly, some cheerleaders walk onto the stage and start performing their cheers.

Cheerleader #1: ‘Who’s the best Keeper?’
Rest of the cheerleaders: ‘Oliver! Oliver!’
Cheerleader #1: ‘Who stops every Quaffle??’
Rest of the cheerleaders: ‘Oliver! Oliver!’
Cheerleader #1: ‘Who is the very cutest?’
Rest of the cheerleaders: ‘Oliver! Oliver! Woohooo!’
All the cheerleaders: *run around and wave with their pompons*

Olivier: *still stares blankly to the ground*
Fred: ‘By Merlin. That man isn’t normal!’
George: *stares with his mouth open to the cheerleaders that are leaving the studio**
Fred: ‘Earth to George!’
George: ‘Mental that guy, I tell you.’
Fred: ‘We should go, we don’t want to be late for dinner.’
F&G: *take off*
Trix: *thinks Oliver is a freak* *sees a sign that says end* ‘ladies and gentlemen, see you next week in a new episode of “Robes off!”!