Harry Potter and the Megalomaniac Goat

[Aranel]

Harry Potter and the Megalomaniac Goat

Hello, and indeed, welcome to my... ‘fan-fiction’. I don’t take this thing seriously in anyway, it’s just an attempt to amuse my brain. And also, I have no writing skill, my vocabulary and sentence structure is odd, and I don’t expect that anyone will understand the humor. I guess, the only people that will get it are, like minded people... and my sister, Mad Macca (who is kinda of a 2nd writer in charge)... For this fan-fiction to fully function at it’s best, it needs to be read aloud, with an over-enthusiastic, British, documentary
persons voice.
I also assume that all of you have read Harry Potter, so I will not go into the complexity of introducing characters.
So yeah... who knows where this will end up. Be nice, this is my first fan-fic and I don’t read many of them.


I guess I am in need of some sort of disclaimer? Well, Lawyers and the like are number 14.5 on my uttermost fears list, so I do not claim to own any of the characters, places or objects in this fan-fiction (excepting the Megalomaniac Goat, which is only half mine), they are all the products of the genius mind
of J.K. Rowling, and I only wish to borrow them for a time.

Random Outbursts and Splurges that pertain to this fan-fiction can be placed here (http://www.cosforums.com/showthread.php?p=705225#post705225)


Prt 1.

The most perilous year of Harry Potter’s life began as every other had, since he began his education at Hogwarts, School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Basically, it was full of oddities and weird happenings, but to him, this was nothing but the norm. These ‘oddities’ shalt not be expanded upon due to a rather nasty form of writers block.
But this year would be especially terrible, something that Harry could not prepare himself for, something that was beyond his wildest nightmare...would come to Hogwarts... and haunt him. I am sure that you will be relieved to know that it was not the rare breed of Rampaging Monkey (genus Rampagious Monkeyiaramus) that we so fear, but the lesser, Megalomaniac Goat.

[Aranel]

So Harry… arrived at Hogwarts…blah blah blah, you’ve read about his arrival countless times, won’t bore you with the details (laziness strikes again!).
But one interesting thing did happen… Whilst the school was settling down to a riotous sorting ceremony, a bunch of first years quivered in a corner, like termites, afraid to enter the light.

Professor McGonagal had managed to quiten the crowd to a dull roar and carefully she placed the sorting hat on its familiar stool. The sorting hat had began its song, but this year, it was different. The Sorting Hat had practised right through the break and had managed (with great success) to add a sort of…reggae theme to the sorting song, Buffalo Soldier was his melody, red, yellow and green were his colours.

Albus was quite enjoying the rendition, taping his pinky on the table, and his leg was so enveloped with the music, that it appeared to be having spasms, jerking in different directions to the beat.

Suddenly, there was a loud bang. The doors to the Great Hall flew open, and a goat was standing on it’s hind legs, it then lowered itself onto all fours, and suddenly, at a speedy gallop, launching itself in the direction of the sorting hat with great ferocity. It’s hooves were…hoovy? And they clattered on the cobbled floor, causing a raucous thunder.

It slide to a stop at the foot of the sorting hat stool, and raised it’s mighty head and tore the hat from it’s place, bearing its pearly whites in a malicious grin. It then continued to toss the hat in the air, gleefully bleating then catching it again, whilst it’s tail did circles like a propeller. Once it tired from this activity, it then spat the hat to the ground in disgust and trampled on it, muffling the voice of the Hat as it attempted to finish its verse.

Leaving the hat to the dirt on the floor, the goat trotted to a quiet second year named Maggie. He continued to sniff her scarf and once he was satisfied with his pick, he ripped the scarf from her neck and triumphantly tossed it in the air, in acrobatic style so it landed gracefully and wrapped itself around his neck. He resisted his animal instinct to nibble on it.

A lone clap rang out from the mass of students, but the goat sent a ferocious glare in it’s direction. The clap slowed, and died.

“Aberforth?” Albus proclaimed. The goat slowly turned and lifted his head in Dumbledore’s direction, raising his eyebrows in a fiendish glare. He let out a clear bleat, that if played at a high pitch would resemble no, and made his way to the stool. He leapt up, with the agility of a gazelle. He placed his back to the students, started to tap three of his hooves, he started his own rendition of Bohemian Rhapsody. Sounding the first line of the song, he turned to the audience quickly, with a mad swish of his tail, a flick of his ear and a batt of his eyelashes. He sang the next few lines of the song, let out a deafening, high pitched bleat (we’re talking car alarms here) before doing a back flip off the stool and cantering at a steady speed out of the Great Hall, picking up the sorting hat gracefully along the way.

And thus the Megalomaniac goat came to Hogwarts.