M-13 - Pretend Friends

[shelly_potter]

I have a friend who's behaves with me as if she 's really concerned about me but then she goes around spreading false things about me.
I had a huge fight with her about one and half years ago due the same reasons and i didn't talk to her for almost 1 year but lately we made up. I gave her a second chance because I thought she had changed but the truth is that things are still the same. She acts as if she's really concerned about me but then she acts like a b*tch. I know no bad words allowed here but there's no other word to describe her.
Lately she broke up my friendship witha person who was a very close friend of mine. Now she is really a very good friend of that person and that person really trusts her so i cannot tell that person anything also. She has created such conditions that it just isn't possible for me to do anything except keeping quiet.

I just don't know what to do....and i just can't let go of that person too.
Why are people like that ? I don't why she does things like that but she has done such things with not only me but many other persons.
She looks like an angel walks like an angel talks like an angel but i got wise she's devil in disguise !
Sorry folks for all that but just couldn't help myself.

Does anyone have any advice on how to tackle pretend-friends ?

[lanifiel]

Your best bet in my opinion is to ignore her efforts to bad mouth you. I know its hard to do especially if your in a situation where you have to see her, but if you do anything now its going to seem like your just trying to get back at her. If she is trying to influence your other friends I suggest you talk to them about it. Let them know that you and her are not getting on and that anything that she says could be tainted from this dislike. If you lose friends because of her then remember these other people are not friends to begin with. True friends will be on your side, they wont turn coat the second someone else tells them bad things about you.

[Gilderoy]

I know the feeling. One of my best mates broke myself and another close freind apart. Its an annoying thing that happens sometimes that just has to be endured. Now, were all freinds again, but there is still that tention in the group.

Personally, i think the best thing to do is tell the - harsh bad word - girl that she is wrong to treat you like shoedirt. If she is a true, compassionate freind, then she would appologise. if not, then you would be better off without her.

[Midnightsfire]

This sounds vaguely familiar... (http://www.cosforums.com/showthread.php?t=19866)

[shelly_potter]

I did do a search and found that discussion mentioned above but i feel thats a completely different thing going on there.
I like my other friends. They have always stood by me and i know they will always be with me.
I don't pretend i don't like them.
I only have a problem with that one person. Lately i take whatever she says with a pinch of salt.
But she's trying to break up my friendship with some person about whom i really care as a friend.
Actually the thing is i was friendly with this guy and we became very good friends but now she spread that I am crazy about this guy and (he's a good friend of her's too but he doesn't know how evil she is) and that i am very possessive of him and so i don't like him talking to her !
*rolls her eyes*
And she's spreading this everywhere and ruining my reputation.
That guy doesn't know anything about what she's spreading and i don't want to tell him because that would break their frienship and i seriously don't want any friendships broken because of me. I know if that happens she'll spread only more false things about me.
Seriously she's got a tongue coated with honey. I wonder how she manages to influence others.

[shelly_potter]

Thanks ianifiel,gilderoy !
She isn't a particularly good friend of mine but she's still a friend. I can't ignore her completely but now i don't take her seriously.

[totalmuggle]

the best thing i can think of is the hardest. just tell her what she is and why she is so. try to help her understand what shes doing. and if you start to fight leve the room giver her a day to think and reaprroche the subgect saying that she has to talk sometime.

[vickygirl4]

I have a problem that is very similar to yours. There is a girl in my class who is always competing with me (and I with her). We compete about grades, test scores, college admittance, class rank, everything. When I'm around her we both act very friendly, but we both talk about each other behind each others backs. It's an odd relationship and I don't know what to do about it. I know she doesn't like me and I don't particuarly like her, but we still act like we're friends. We go to each others parties, give each other christmas and birthday gifts, hang out on the weekends, and do other type of friend stuff. What should I do?

[Nick]

Dump her! Publicly and loudly! Why do people put up with this sort of nonsense? Stand up for yourself! How can you even refer to people who actively conspire against you as friends?

[Tane]

Normally it is because they either want something you have and they don't. Or that they just have a grudge against you and want to maliciously hurt your feelings. So don't let get what they want it really is as simple as that.

[ginnybatbogeysyou]

I had a friend like that. She dropped me as a brick when somebody more popular came along. She tried to be friends again, but when you know it isn't going to work, you really shouldn't put so much energy in trying to get a healthy, normal relationship with her.

It's a very hard thing to do and it's really easy for me to say, sitting on my chair behin my computer, but you really should, for your own sake.

[FlyingPhoenix]

Dump her! Publicly and loudly! Why do people put up with this sort of nonsense? Stand up for yourself! How can you even refer to people who actively conspire against you as friends?

I whole heartly agree with you. Why bother and play friendly? I know as I was in high-school there was a giirl who came new into my class and she was attemp to replace me. I loaded her like nothing. She was so friendly in my face but behind my back nothing but a bad mouth. To my bad luck she followed my school changing too so we were in one grade but no longer in one class. One day she asked why I'm not her friend (so stupid you have to be) I said loud and clear that I can't stand her and she should go out of my feets. I can tell you I did never pretend and thats why I never had such a problem.

Once another guy was at some point my friend but as soon I got he was no longer interest I didn't play along. I said that we are no friends and probably never were. I don't know I have a talent to be such things to be si freeking cold.