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Re: Fan Scripts: Script your own version of Harry Potter
Phrozenone, Wow!
Though I can easily tell that it is just a first draft, I love your DH script, especially the parts where we see Ginny, Luna and Neville. |
Re: Fan Scripts: Script your own version of Harry Potter
You can see my script of DH here. It is professionally formated and I worked really hard about it. I'd like to hear feedback.
Enjoy! |
Re: Fan Scripts: Script your own version of Harry Potter
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I also do not think the Unbreakable Vow needs to be specifically named in the scene I drafted because it will be revealed later. If the threads of fire are locking the two hands, then the audience knows that a magical vow is being made. Quote:
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In Dark Lord Ascending, do not mention that Lupin/Tonks have been married: have their wedding be in the stead of Bill and Fleur's (ah - just a typo, I see). Also, Ollivander's appearance is most unexpected. Few will remember who he is, so Voldemort needing information from him will be confusing (the readers of the book understood that Ollivander would tell him about the twin cores - the movie audience will be clueless). Thus, substitute him with somebody else or cut this part. You spent too long with dialogue between Harry and the Dursleys. It should be quick, and the guard should appear at the same time, with one or two members taking the Dursleys away. Cut the tastiness of Harry's potion (no one remembers it from CoS). Cut the ghoul and Scrimgeour. I would have Mad-Eye give him the bag at the Dursleys or Kingsley/Lupin give him the stuff at the Burrow (the trio will go up to Ron's room and look at the stuff there). Cut Lupin at Grimmauld Place. Perhaps even cut Kreacher's story/locket - have Harry have the locket since his excursion into the cave. |
Re: Fan Scripts: Script your own version of Harry Potter
Hope all of you had a wonderful holiday and thanks for all the opinions on my DH script. I really appreciate it and whenever I get more done I'll gladly add more here for more opinions :) Now here's the next section of my HBP script:
INT. HOGWARTS-MOVING STAIRS/FAT LADY CORRIDOR/GRYFFINDOR COMMON ROOM-AFTERNOON The scene cuts to a shot of Hogwarts and cuts to Ron walking ahead of Harry and Ginny towards the Common Room. RON Percy’s such a prick, I mean storming out on mum like that. HARRY Well he certainly paid for it, wonder how he got the mashed potatoes in his glasses (He looks at Ginny and smile. Ron walks up to the Fat Lady.) RON Baubles FAT LADY No! RON What d’you mean no? FAT LADY There’s a new password, if u haven’t figured that out already. RON But…we don’t know it. FAT LADY Not my problem is it! HERMIONE (From behind them) Harry! Ginny! (They turn around and we see Hermione run into view.) How are you? HARRY Excellent, don’t know the new password, could you…? (he knobs towards the Fat Lady) HERMIONE Oh right, Abstinence! FAT LADY Precisely The portrait swings open and they all walk into the common room. Lavender jumps up just as soon as she see’s Ron. LAVENDER WON WON!!! (She runs up to him and hugs him. Harry and Ginny look at each other and laugh and Hermione rolls her eyes and walks off) Oh I’ve missed you (She kisses him continuously on the cheek.) GINNY Well I have to go and find Dean, later. The camera zooms in on Harry’s face as he watches her walk away and the scene slowly fades too to… EXT. THE BLACK LAKE SHORE-EVENING Harry sitting outside wrapped in his scarf looking out at the lake still half frozen. We see a dark figure approach from the rear and soon reveals itself as Hermione. HERMIONE A knut for your thoughts? HARRY Oh hey. HERMIONE May I? HARRY Sure She takes a seat beside him. HARRY I was just thinking, about this time last year was the last time I really talked to Sirius. Sometimes I…I just wish…we had more time. HERMIONE You’ve been handling it pretty well Harry, I don’t think I could’ve shown nearly as much strength as you did this year HARRY It’s just…I know Sirius wouldn’t want me to…worry. But it’s just hard, knowing he won’t be writing again. HERMIONE But he’s still here Harry. As long as you keep his memory strong, he will always be there. (He throws a pebble into the lake.) That’s not the only thing on your mind is it? HARRY What makes you think… HERMIONE You know Harry, sometimes you have to do what your heart says, it’ll never lead you wrong. HARRY What do you…. HERMIONE Oh nothing She gives him a slight smile and walks away as Harry looks back off into the distance. He smiles as he realizes that Hermione is talking about Ginny and the scene fades to… INT. DUMBLEDORE’S OFFICE-NIGHT DUMBLEDORE I hear that the Minister of Magic met with you over Christmas. HARRY Yeah, he wanted me to tell the Wizarding community that the Ministry’s doing a wonderful job. DUMBLEDORE And? HARRY Well I said no of course, after everything Fudge has done, after Umbridge! DUMBLEDORE Within hours of Scrimgeour’s appointment we met and he demanded that I arrange a meeting with you… HARRY I heard you two argued, is that the reason sir? DUMBLEDORE Yes, it appears however that Rufus found a way to corner you at last. HARRY He accused me of being ‘Dumbledore’s man through and through” DUMBLEDORE Really? How very rude of him. HARRY I told him I was. Dumbledore looks up at Harry and smile as he turns and walks towards the Pensieve DUMBLEDORE Now the memory I’m about to show you now Harry is very important, pay close attention! INT. SLUGHORNS CLASS NIGHT (SIXTY YEARS AGO) There is a flash and now Harry and Dumbledore are standing in a room with a young Slughorn, Tom, and other slytheran students. We see Tom is now wearing the black ring that Gaunt had. TOM Sir, is it true that Professor Merrythought is retiring? SLUGHORN Tom, if I knew I couldn’t tell you. I must say, I’d like to know where you get your information. Thank you for the pineapple, by the way, it is my favorite. (The whole room turns into fog and we can only see Dumbledore and Harry and then we hear Slughorns voice.) You’ll go wrong, boy, mark my words! (The fog clears and everything reappears and everyone looks as though nothing happened.) Good gracious, is it time already? You’d better get going, or we’ll all be in trouble. Lestrange, I want your essay by tomorrow or it’s detention. Same for you, Avery. (All the other students except Tom leaves.) SLUGHORN What is it Tom? You don’t want you to be caught out of bed. TOM Sir, I wanted to ask you something. SLUGHORN Ask away, m’boy! TOM I wondered, sir, what you know about…Horcruxes? (The room fills with fog again and we hear Slughorns voice again boom out.) SLUGHORN I don’t know anything about Horcruxes and I wouldn’t tell you if I did! Now get out of here at once and don’t let me catch you mentioning them again! Dumbledore grabs Harry shoulder and with a flash we see them come out of the Pensieve. HARRY Sir, that ring that Voldemort had on… DUMBLEDORE Good eye Harry, you see shortly after Morfins realease Tom found him. My theory is he stunned Morfin. He used Morfins wand to kill his father and grandparents and filled Morfin with false memories made him think that he’s done it. He took the ring obviously. HARRY There was something odd about Slughorns memory DUMBLEDORE Ah yes, as you can tell Harry, that memory has been tampared with. HARRY Why would he do that? DUMBLEDORE I think he is ashamed of what he remembers. Now Harry, I have a homework assignment for you. It is your job to persuade Professor Slughorn to divulge the real memory, which will undoubtedly be our most crucial piece of information of all. It is most important that we secure the true memory, Harry! So, good luck, and goodnight. INT-CORRIDOR-DAY The scene cuts to Hermione and Harry walking towards potions class together HERMIONE Horcruxes…I’ve never even heard of them…they must be really advanced Dark Magic, or why would Voldemort have wanted to know about them? It’s going to be difficult to get the information from him Harry, you should think out a strategy. HARRY Ron reckons I should just hang back after Potions this afternoon… HERMIONE Oh, well, if Won Won thinks that, you’d better do it. HARRY Hermione, can’t you just… HERMIONE No! INT. POTIONS CLASS-DAY (MOMENTS LATER) SLUGHORN You all are to create an antidote for the poison within it before the end of the lessons. Good luck! HERMIONE It’s a shame that the Prince won’t be able to help you much with this, Harry. You have to understand the principles involved this time. (She starts collecting ingredients.) RON You sure the Prince hasn’t got any tips? HARRY No We see Harry turn through the book. The scene cuts showing everyone with potions brewing and Harry still looking through the book. Slughorn is walking around checking cauldrons. The camera zooms in to the book where we see the writing ‘Just shove a bezoar down their throats.’ Harry reads this and jumps up and goes towards the cupboard and rummaged through it. He picks up this little brown ball just as Slughorn yells Times..UP! Now Slughorn is walking around the class examining everyone’s potions SLUGHORN Very good, Ms. Granger HERMIONE Thank you sir! SLUGHORN And what do you have for me, Harry? HARRY Oh…um…(He opens his hand and we see the small brown ball in his hand.) SLUGHORN You’ve got nerve, boy! (He grabs it and holds it up for the class to see.) Oh, you’re like your mother. A bezaor, a stone taken from the stomach of a goat, would certainly act as an antidote to all these potions! The camera pans to Hermione with a dissappointed look on her face. The scene cuts to the class leaving and Harry walks towards Slughorns desk. HARRY Sir, I wanted to ask you something. SLUGHORN Ask away! HARRY Sir, I was wondering what you know…about Horcruxes? SLUGHORN (His face freezes as he stares at Harry.) What did you say? HARRY I asked whether you know anything about Horcruxes, sir. You see… SLUGHORN Dumbledore put you up to this. (He jumps up angrily and walks towards the cupboard.) Dumbledore’s shown you that….memory, hasn’t he? HARRY Well…yes… SLUGHORN Well if you’ve seen that memory, Harry, you’ll know that I don’t know anything…ANYTHING…about Horcruxes. HARRY Sir, I just thought there might be a bit more to…. SLUGHORN Did you! (He grabs his briefcase and starts to walk towards the exit of the class.) Then you were wrong, weren’t you? WRONG! He slams the door behind himself and we see a shot of Harry standing in the middle of the class. INT. CORRIDOR-AFTERNOON (SAME DAY) The scene cuts to a shot of a sign that says Apparation Lessons and pans back showing a bunch of students standing in front of the sign. SEAMUS How cool will it be when we can just (snaps finger) and be anywhere we want to be. RON It sounds really cool. SEAMUS Longbottom would probably leave his head behind. (HE and Ron laughs) HARRY Don’t worry Neville. It’s not as exciting as it sounds. LAVENDER Won Won! (She runs up and hugs him.) How are you Wonnie! HARRY (He, Neville, and Seamus laugh.) We’ll see you later. SEAMUS Yeah Won, Won! As they walk down the hall we see Hermione run up behind them. HERMIONE Harry! I have something to tell you. Hey Seamus, Neville. NEVILLE Hey! SEAMUS Hiya Hermione, see ya in class Harry. Come on Neville (They both exits.) HARRY What is it did you find something on Horcruxes? HERMIONE That’s exactly it, I can’t find anything on it. I’ve been right through the restricted section and even the most horrible books have nothing. All I could find was this (She pulls out a piece of parchment.) It was in the introduction to Magik Moste Evile. Of the Horcrux, wickedest of magical inventions, we shall not speak nor give direction… HARRY Well why put in there at all? INT. THE GREAT HALL-EVENING (SAME DAY) The scene cuts to the students standing in the Great Hall with no tables. There is a short man named Wilkie Twycross standing there and all the students have hoops in front of them. TWYCROSS Now the important things to remember when Apparating are the three D’s. Destination, Determination, Deliberation! Fix your mind firmly upon the desired destination, focus your determination to occupy the visulaized space, and only when I give the command,, turn on the spot, feeling your way into nothingness, moving with deliberation! Now, One, Two, THREE!! The students all close their eyes and look have a strained look on their face. Nothing happens and Neville faints. They open their eyes and laugh. TWYCROSS Lets try this again won’t we…One, Two, THREE!!!! They close their eyes start spinning and some start falling on the floor. One student lets out of screech of pain as one student is in the hoop while one leg is still on the outside. Twycross waves his wand and theres a puff of purple smoke and the student is back together. TWYCROSS That was called Splinching, or the seperation of random body parts occurs when the mind is insufficeintly determined. Now once again, GO! The students close their eyes and the camera zooms in on Harry. He disappears and reappears in the circle hoop. He opens his eyes and everyone stares at him. Some look in amazement whereas Draco and his friends frown at Harry’s accomplishement. TWYCROSS Very good Mr. Potter, very good! Now lets go at it again why won’t we MALFOY Always the perfect student huh Potter! HARRY Always the struggling Death Eater huh Malfoy. Everyone in the room gasps and all eyes turn to Harry and Draco. TWYCROSS No need for that type of talk here…. MALFOY Why don’t you prove it Potter! HARRY Oh believe me, I will. Then you’ll be sent straight to Azkaban like your dear daddy. DRACO (pulls out his wand) HOW DARE YOU… HARRY (pulls out his wand) Want to have a go? TWYCROSS GENTLEMEN PLEASE! Wands away now or I will have to send you to the headmasters. HARRY Good, I’m sure Dumbledore will see right through his lies. DRACO Keep hiding behind Dumbledore while you can Potter. HARRY Oh yeah, lets see you try and do something about it… HERMIONE Harry…please! Harry looks around and decides to be the bigger man and places his wand back into this robes. Draco follows suit. TWYCROSS 20 points from both Gryffindor and Slytherian. Now, back the lesson… The scene cuts to… |
Re: Fan Scripts: Script your own version of Harry Potter
O_o Is there any way I can get this more...cleaned up? Because I'm having a hard time following the scenes ;) Thanx
~WendyPotter |
Re: Fan Scripts: Script your own version of Harry Potter
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Re: Fan Scripts: Script your own version of Harry Potter
INT. BOYS DORMITORY-MORNING
There is a shot of the names moving around the Marauder’s Map and the camera pans back to Harry looking at it as Ron is opening his birthday presents. RON Thanks for these Harry! (He holds up a pair of gloves.) HARRY No problem birthday boy. (Looks back at the map) Where is Malfoy, he doesn’t seem to be in his bed. RON Harry, is Hermione really going out with McLaggen? HARRY Dunno, they were at Slughorn’s party together, but I don’t think that went well. RON Good, oh wow, see what Mum and Dad got me? Blimey, I think I’ll come of age next year too… (He notices the box of chocolate cauldrons beside Harry’s bed and picks them up.) Want one Harry? HARRY (Without looking up.) No thanks…Malfoy’s gone again! RON Can’t have done, come on, apparation lessons today. (He shoves some cauldrons in his mouth.) HARRY Yeah I guess (He taps his wand on the map.) Mischief managed. INT. GRYFFINDOR COMMON ROOM-MORNING (MOMENTS LATER) Harry is reading something on the bullentin board as we see Ron come down from the dormitory. HARRY Ready? Let’s go, we can still catch breakfast. RON I’m not hungry…. Harry, I can’t stand it! HARRY You can’t stand what? RON I…I can’t stop thinking about her! HARRY And that stops you from going to breakfast because…. RON I don’t think she knows I exist. HARRY She keeps snogging you, doesn’t she? I’m sure… RON Who are you talking about? HARRY Who are you talking about? RON Romilda Vane (He rushes over and sits on the couch with a dazed look on his face.) I think I love her Harry. HARRY (chuckles) Ok, say that again with a straight face. RON (He stands up and walks towards Harry) I love her, have you seen her hair, and her eyes… HARRY Ok Ron jokes over, drop it. Harry turns around to walk away and Ron shoots a spell at Harry that misses him by inches. Harry turns around quickly and pulls his wand out throws the same nonverbal spell he did earlier on Ron which snatched him up in the air by his legs and has him hanging up side down and the cauldrons drop out of Rons hands. HARRY What was that for! RON You insulted her, Harry! You said it was a joke. HARRY This is insane! What’s got into…. (He looks on the ground and see the box of cauldrons on the floor beneath Ron.) Where did you get those Chocolate Cauldrons? RON They were a birthday present. I offered you one, didn’t I? HARRY You just picked them up off the floor! RON Let me go Harry! HARRY I chucked those out of my trunk when I was looking for the map, they’re the Chocolate Cauldrons Romilda gave me before Christmas, and they’re all spiked with love potion! RON Romilda! Harry…do you know her? Can you introduce us? HARRY (He laughs) Yeah I’ll introduce you. I’m going to let you down now, okay? RON Ok! (He is lowered back down to the ground. The portrait opens and Lavender walks in.) LAVENDER You’re late Won Won, I’ve got you a birthday… RON Leave me alone; Harry’s going to introduce me to Romilda Vance! He pushes her out the way and walks out. Harry mouths ‘Sorry’ to her and runs out behind Ron. INT. SLUGHORNS OFFICE-MORNING (MOMENTS LATER) RON I can’t see her Harry, is he hiding her? HARRY She’s on here way RON Really, how do I look? SLUGHORN Very handsome, now drink that up, it’s a tonic for the nerves, keep you calm when she arrives, you know. RON Bloody Brilliant! (He starts to drink the tonic.) HARRY Thanks Professor SLUGHORN Don’t mention it m’boy. HARRY You see it’s his birthday sir… SLUGHORN Really? Oh well in that case! (He goes to his cupboard and pulls out this bottle.) I’ve got one last bottle of this oak matured mead…meant to give this to Dumbledore for Christmas…ah well. Why don’t we open it now and celebrate Mr. Weasley’s birthday! (Slughorn pours the drinks and hands a glass to each of them.) Well, a very happy birthday, Rupert RON (Stunned) How do you know…? HARRY It’s Ron… (As he says this Ron goes ahead and chugs the drink.) SLUGHORN And may you have many more… Ron drops the glass and foam start to come out of his mouth. He falls on the ground shaking furiously with his eyes rolling to the back of his head.. HARRY Ron! Professor! Do something! SLUGHORN What…but… Harry rushes towards the cupboard and starts to throw around bottles. He grabs the bezoar and runs to Ron. He forces his mouth open and throws the bezoar in his mouth. After a few seconds his body stops shaking and he falls off to sleep. INT. HOSTPITAL WING-AFTERNOON (SAME DAY) Ron is sleeping in the hospital room turning in his sleep slightly. Ginny, Fred, George, and Harry are all standing around the bed and Hermione is sitting on the opposite bed with tears in her eyes. FRED So the poison was in the drink? HARRY Yes, Slughorn poured it out… GEORGE Do you think he slipped something into Rons drink? HARRY Why would Slughorn want to poison Ron? GEORGE You don’t think he could have mixed up the glasses by mistake? Meaning to get you? GINNY Why would Slughorn want to poison Harry. FRED He could be under the Imperius curse. GINNY Harry said Slughorn had been planning to give that bottle to Dumbledore for Christmas, so the poisener could’ve been after Dumbledore. RON (Stirring in his sleep) Er…my..nee… Then he snores again and the scene fades to EXT. BRIDGE-EVENING (MOMENTS LATER) Harry and Hagrid walking on the Hogwarts grounds. HAGRID How is he? HARRY They say he’ll be okay. HAGRID I don’ believe this, who’d want ter hurt him? First Katie, now Ron…Terrible, jus’ terrible. All the new securtiy an’ kids are still getting’ hurt…Dumbledore’s worried sick. HARRY Doesn’t he have any ideas Hagrid? HAGRID No. Wha’ worries me is how long Hogwarts can stay open if kids are bein’ attacked. I mean, it’s always bin a bit of a risk sendin’ a kid ter Hogwarts, underage wizards all locked up together, but attempted murder, tha’s different. S’no wonder Dumbledoer’s angry with Snape. HARRY What? HAGRID Oh, I should’nt of said that. HARRY Hagrid, why is Dumbledore angry with Snape? HAGRID Shhhh…well I jus’ heard Snape sayin’ Dumbledore took too much fer granted an’ maybe he…Snape…didn’ wan’ ter do it anymore…. HARRY Do what? HAGRID I dunno Harry, sounded like Snape was feelin’ a bit overworked, that’s all. Harry looks at Hagrid with a look of concern on his face. Hagrid shrugs and continues to walk as the scene fades to INT. HOSPITAL WING-NIGHT Harry is sitting next to Ron in the hospital wing. He is looking in the Mauraders Map once again trying to find what Draco is up too. HARRY Gone again. RON Harry I think you’re going a little overboard with this Malfoy thing. HARRY He’s up to something, and I’m going to catch him at it! I’m gonna find out what he’s up too. RON Harry… HARRY Don’t tell me it’s all in my head either, I overheard what Snape said to him… RON Yeah I know Harry, but, you’re just becoming a little obsessed over this thing. HARRY Obsessed? He just keeps disappearing off of the map, where do you think he’s going? RON Hogsmeade maybe, I don’t know. HARRY If only I had some way…wait a minute. RON What? HARRY I think I have a way to get Malfoy followed. (He pulls out his wand and points it at the door.) Don’t want Madam Pomfrey to overhear me. Mufflialto! RON What are you…. HARRY Kreacher! In the middle of the room Kreacher and Dobby apparate and they’re both fighting each other. DOBBY Kreacher will not insult Harry Potter in front of Dobby!!! KREACHER Kreacher will say what he likes about master, filthy friend of Mudbloods, what would poor Kreachers mistress… Dobby punches him in his mouth and Kreacher lets out a scream and starts clawing at Dobby. Ron and Harry jump out of the bed and tries to pull them apart. They continue to kick and swing at each other as they pulled apart. HARRY I forbid you to fight each other! They both stop and stare at each other. HARRY Dobby…what are you doing here? DOBBY Greetings Harry Potter sir! Dumbledore hired Dobby to work in the kitchens with the other house elves sir! Shortly after Harry Potter freed Dobby from the evil Malfoys! RON Just what we need… HARRY Now, Kreacher I’ve got a job for you. KREACHER Kreacher will do whatever Master wants, because Kreacher has no choice, but Kreacher is ashamed to have such a master, yes… DOBBY Dobby will do it, Harry Potter! Dobby would be honored. HARRY It would be good to have both of you now that I think of it. I want you to tail Draco Malfoy. RON What! HARRY I want to know where he’s going, who he’s meeting, and what he’s doing. I want you to follow him around the clock. DOBBY Yes, Harry Potter! KREACHER Master wants me to spy upon the pure-blood great-nephew of my old mistress? HARRY Yeah and you’re forbidden to tip him off, or to show him what you’re up to, or to talk to him at all, or to write him messages or…or to contact him in any way. Got it? KREACHER Master thinks of everything, and Kreacher must obey him even though Kreacher would much rather be the servant of the Malfoy boy, oh yes… HARRY That’s settled then. Kreacher and Dobby both snap their fingers and disappear. RON Harry, what the… HARRY I don’t want to hear it Ron ok. |
Re: Fan Scripts: Script your own version of Harry Potter
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~WendyPotter:rave: |
Re: Fan Scripts: Script your own version of Harry Potter
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I am doing PS/SS. I resarted on Post 6 (Page 1). What is there is not final. I keep everything I have done, updated (As much as possible) at this link. I've also done some of CoS, PoA, GoF, OotP and DH, which you can find scattered in the thread. Phrozenone, I'm a bit busy with the new year and haven't had time to read your new posts. I'll probably catch up in 08 |
Re: Fan Scripts: Script your own version of Harry Potter
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On a somewhat unrelated note: I've been thinking about whether or not it's possible that all seven books could be adapted into a trilogy. Anyone ever thought about that, or am I alone? |
Re: Fan Scripts: Script your own version of Harry Potter
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I think this scene needs reworking. Quote:
You cut Quidditch? What else have you cut? It's hard to figure it out becasue it seems like everything is there. Quote:
I made a post a while ago when I was trying to make the posts shorter in lengths by using tags: Quote:
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I once thought of one movie out of the seven when all the events happen alongside each other. (i.e. The same time Harry gets his letter, Dobby warns him of Hogwarts, Aunt Marge balloons, the Dark Mark is set, Demtors attack, Dumbledore visits Harry and seven Potters leave Privet Drive):whistle: But of course that would be awful and NEVER work Here's the latest edit of 'The Journey from Platform Nine and Three Quarters:  |
Re: Fan Scripts: Script your own version of Harry Potter
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I guess that means you want an explanation. When I decided to write this script I wanted a sort of beginning, middle, and end for Harry and Draco's arguments. This scene is of course the middle. My thing is Malfoy is so in the background people would forget he's even doing anything and I thought it'll be such a Harry thing to do and call him out on it. Of course we know that everyone thinks Harry is just being overly paranoid and this adds on to it. Plus it was the only way I could keep apparation in by putting something important there :lol: I dunno I like it actually. Quote:
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I cut alot I think but I kept alot in by merely moving things together. If you've noticed a majority of Dumbledore's speeches have been cut down alot. I cut Fluer, one of he memories, Quidditch, alot of the classroom scenes (Although dialogue from some scenes have been saved), and who knows what else lol. It's been ages since I've read that book but it's time for me to do it again if I want to do a new script. Thanks for the suggestion on how to make the posts more orderly. You know I never saw that post by you lol I would've been using it more if I did :cool: |
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Re: Fan Scripts: Script your own version of Harry Potter
MrSleepyHead, One of the things I absolutely hate about the HP adaptions so far are plot holes, things left in the air. It was never explained who killed Crouch in GoF or who sent the dementors in OotP, not to mention a lot of other plot holes. I don't want any at my adaption, so I included a lot of explaining, but I feel that in order to be a true classic everything must be clear (one of the main flaws of "Silence of the Lambs", for example, is it misses some details found only in the book - for example, how come Buffalo Bill ended up in Mrs. Lippman house).
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As for the potion, I thought it was a funny line so I kept it. Quote:
Scrimegour might be unnecessary, but the will objects are important and I thought it would be better to give "The minister" a face, in order to make his death more effective. Lupin in Grimmauld Place is absolutely necessary. First of all, it's a great character moment. Secondly, I used it to give a lot of information: Tonks is pregnant, Taboo, snape as headmaster, and as a way to get the trio out of GP. And thirdly, if I want Lupin's death to have an impact on the audience, I need to give him a fair amount of screentime... |
Re: Fan Scripts: Script your own version of Harry Potter
Blast_ended, you may think I am snobbing you, but I did respond to your DH script. It's the first post on page 4.
As well as reworking 'The Journey from Platform 9 3/4', I've also reworked the opening of the script, following this comment: Quote:
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Re: Fan Scripts: Script your own version of Harry Potter
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Indeed but it's a big improvement over the other one. Keep it up. One thing I like that you did was that instead of having Harry and Ron talking about candy you had Ron give Harry a little insight of the wizarding world. I wish they'd done that with the actual film but talking about candy is more exciting :grumble: Also I like the new intro you've written out. Good job :tu: My thing is to we really have to hear Fred and George tell their mom about Harry? I just think that's the one thing that slows your script down. Sure it's MUCH better than what you had originally. Also Ron going on about his other brothers. You're going to have to bring them up again eventually when they're needed and I think at this moment they really aren't. They're just named and the Gringott thing..won't we find that out later? Once you bring it up we might as well hear it all in full instead of just a little..but that's just my opinion and it doesn't matter much :p Anywho here's the next section of my HBP script. caption: Yay!! That actually works wonderfully...thanks for the tip ArryGrotter :tu::tu: |
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Obviously we disagree that mine would be boring (I can't imagine anything with Alan Rickman and Helena Bonham Carter could be boring). I do agree that yours was the more intense take; but then, I wasn't going for intensity so much as a subtler kind of tension, an uneasiness, a feeling of the audience having the rug pulled out from under them by the claims Snape makes of his loyalty. I think both work, but that's subjective. This just points to what makes this thread interesting; to see a deceptively-simple scene like this interpreted so very differently. It'd be dull otherwise. It should be fun to see how my HBP draft differs from Phrozenone's as well (ditto for DH, come to think of it). Anyway, speaking of the Prince, I know I said in my last post that I'd try either the Harry/Dumbledore scene from GoF's end or OotP's end, but, well, that's been put on hold for the moment as I'm not getting to HBP as often as I'd like as is. So here are my versions of "Will and Won't" and "Horace Slughorn". Hopefully I've captured the importance of these two chapters (and I am keeping them both, 'though I know some people disagree with that choice) without going on too long. I will say I am a bit worried about the pace here, but I know I've got a better flow going once I get to the Burrow. I tried to keep as much of Rowling's visual detail as I could to (hopefully) offset the amount of dialogue. The title would come straight after that close-up on Snape saying "I will". The title Harry Potter and The Half-Blood Prince fills the frame, drowned out within seconds by the bright white of a streetlight on Privet Drive. We pan backward from Harry's bedroom window, to HEDWIG sitting in her cage, to HARRY sitting on his bed, a few 'DAILY PROPHETS's and random pamphlets scattered around him, looking through the photo album given to him years ago, at images of the original ORDER OF THE PHOENIX and of newlyweds LILY and JAMES laughing alongside best man SIRIUS. Next moment, Harry's attention is diverted by the extinguishing of the streetlight just outside his window. CUT TO: The front door opens to show DUMBLEDORE waiting there. DUMBLEDORE Good evening, Harry. I wonder - At that, the bellow of "Who the ruddy hell is calling at this time of night?!" signals UNCLIE VERNON's entrance out of the sitting room and into the hallway; Aunt PETUNIA and DUDLEY follow from out of the kitchen. DUMBLEDORE Ah, you must be Petunia; and this, of course, is Vernon and young Dudley. Would it be too large an imposition if I came in for a moment? It is unwise to lurk in doorways in these troubled times, and there is something we should discuss. Dumbledore takes notice of the look on the Dursleys' collective faces, pure shock at the ghastly DUMBLEDORE Judging by the looks of stunned disbelief on your faces, Harry did not tell I was coming? After a predictable scowl Harry's way, this remark seems to give Vernon the nerve to speak up. VERNON No, he did not! Now, I don't mean to be rude - DUMBLEDORE (stepping over the threshold and closing the door behind him) Yet sadly accidental rudeness occurs alarmingly often. However, let us just assume that you have welcomed me warmly into your home just the same. (walking into the next room and sitting at the nearest armchair) Well, we may as well all be comfortable. With a casual wave of his wand, Dumbledore sends the sitting room sofa zooming under the three Dursleys' legs, leaving them in a heap on it, and then back to it's original position. DUMBLEDORE Drinks, perhaps. Dumbledore waves his wand once again, and a glass of honey-colored liquid floats into Harry's hand. We (and Harry) have noticed that Dumbledore's right hand now appears blackened and withered, as if the flesh had been burnt away. DUMBLEDORE Madam Rosmerta's finest mead. Three other glasses float toward the Dursleys, scrunched together on the now-tiny sofa; as if their lives depended on it, they ignore the drinks floating before them. DUMBLEDORE Now, getting down to business, Harry, I must tell you that Sirius' will was discovered a week ago. Harry seems to cringe slightly at hearing his godfather's name. HARRY Oh. Right. DUMBLEDORE It seems you inherit a fair amount of gold to add your vault, in addition to all of Sirius' remaining possessions, including #12 Grimmauld Place itself, which means ownership of the Blacks' house elf Kreacher. A quick cut here to the confused/horrified Dursleys, the glasses now gently rapping against the sides of their heads. HARRY I don't want the house; the Order should keep using it. And I don't want to be Kreacher's master either. On "Kreacher", a faint pop signals KREACHER's appearance in the room, sitting on the floor, pounding his fists, and repeating "Kreacher won't!" in his bullfrog's voice. Vernon looks no more frustrated than usual, Dudley simply dumbstruck, but Petunia lets out a sharp shriek and lifts her feet a bit off the floor. DUMBLEDORE I'm afraid in that matter you have no choice. However, I wonder if you would permit him a post in the Hogwarts kitchens with the other house-elves. HARRY Sure; I didn't know Hogwarts employed house-elves, though. DUMBLEDORE Indeed. HARRY Kreacher, shut up! (silence) Kreacher, I want you to go to Hogwarts, to work with the other house-elves. Kreacher ceases his tantrum and replies with his usual scowl "Kreacher will do as his master commands" and disappears. DUMBLEDORE Well, that's settled. VERNON It most surely is not! The mead glasses are now hammering against the Dursleys' heads, Petunia and Dudley making pointless attempts to cower. VERNON The - th - WILL YOU GET THESE RUDDY THINGS OFF US?! DUMBLEDORE Oh, I'm sorry. (vanishing them) It would have been better manners to drink them, you know Vernon is clearly stifling a harsher reply as he asks: VERNON The boy - his godfather's dead? And he's been left the house? DUMBLEDORE That's right. VERNON Then why on earth does he need to be here? DUMBLEDORE A worthy question, and indeed what I wished to discuss with you. You see, when I placed Harry on your doorstep nearly 15 years ago, I invoked a magic that would ensure his safety here as long as he could call this place home, as long as he was welcomed, treated with fairness, and kindness. You have not done this; instead, he has been greeted to neglect and cruelty at your hands. However, you have taken him in, albeit reluctantly, and so the protection was effective. This charm will expire at the precise moment Harry turns 17. I ask that you find it in yourselves to take him in one last brief time before his next birthday At this, the Dursleys remain sitting on the couch, stupidly speechless. EXT. PRIVET DRIVE - DEAD OF NIGHT Dumbledore and Harry reach the end of the street. As they stop, Dumbledore takes out a small, metallic gadget and sends the lights returning to their streetlamps. Harry catches another glimpse of his mangled hand and now notices a clumsily-made gold band on his ring finger, a cracked black stone in it's center. HARRY Professor, what did happen to your hand? DUMBLEDORE Oh, it is a most enthralling tale; one I wish to do justice, later. Now, you have not, of course, passed your apparition test. HARRY No. I though you had to be 17. DUMBLEDORE You do. Take my arm, then - the left, if you would. Harry does so and in an instant they disappear from Privet Drive and reappear in a deserted forest lane. Harry seems somewhat shaken by this, his first experience with apparition. DUMBLEDORE You're alright? HARRY Fine, but I think I prefer a broom. Dumbledore grins at this as he and Harry start down the wooded path. HARRY Professor, where exactly are we? DUMBLEDORE This, Harry, is the charming village of Budleigh Babberton. We are going to be attempting to convince an old colleague of mine to come out of retirement and return to Hogwarts. We do seem to move through faculty rather often, don't we? They stop at the first of a group of small stone cottages, with gardens before the front doors. Clearly there have been other visitors here, as Dumbledore takes a troubled look at the front door hanging off it's hinges, broken windows and small fires around. DUMBLEDORE Wand out and follow me, Harry. Harry does so and they both mutter "Lumos" as they walk into the sitting room, where a scene of total devastation meets their eyes. By the wandlight we see a piano turned on it's side, keys strewn about, cushions thoroughly ripped and punctured, a splintered grandfather clock sitting at their feet, bits of glass spread like powder over everything, glass apparently from a wrecked chandelier sitting in the middle of the room, and a smattering of blood on the far wall. HARRY Do you think he's - DUMBLEDORE - somewhere in this room still. Dumbledore glances at the chair to his left, the only untouched item in the room, mutters "Nox", and points his wand toward it. In an instant, what was just an overstuffed armchair is now an enormously fat, balding, walrus-mustached old man looking up at Dumbledore with aggrieved, watery eyes (Harry's eyes go wide for a moment). DUMBLEDORE Good evening, Horace. HORACE Albus! Wa-w-what gave me away? DUMBLEDORE My dear Horace, if the Death Eaters really had come to call, surely The Dark Mark would have been set over the house. HORACE The Dark Mark, I knew I forgot something! HORACE begins to walk around the room and repair the damage as Dumbledore asks him: DUMBLEDORE Tell me, Horace, these extra precautions, moving from one absent muggle home to the next, placing every protective enchantment in your arsenal over them: would they be for the Death Eaters' benefit or mine? HORACE My dear Albus, what would the Death Eaters want with a broken-down old buffer like me? DUMBLEDORE Oh, surely they'd apply your considerable talents to...torture, to murder. HORACE Now, Albus, I - The wreckage repaired, Horace turns around and notices Harry standing there, a few paces behind Dumbledore. HORACE Oh. Oho! DUMBLEDORE Oh, how very rude of me: Harry Potter, this is Horace Slughorn. SLUGHORN So that's how you thought you'd persuade me, is it? Well, my answer remains no! DUMBLEDORE Is that so? Well, if I cmay use your bathroom before we take our leave.. SLUGHORN Yes, it's, uh, second to the left down the hall. Dumbledore leaves the room the room and SLUGHORN looks at Harry, paying keenest attention (unsurprisingly) to the lightning scar on Harry's forehead. SLUGHORN You look very like your father. Except the eyes; you've got your - HARRY Mother's eyes, yeah, I've heard. SLUGHORN Hmpf; you'll be Gryffindor like her, I suppose? Harry nods. SLUGHORN Of course you shouldn't have favorites as a teacher, but your mother: she was charming, funny, one of the brightest I ever taught. Shame she wasn't in my house. HARRY Which was your house? SLUGHORN I was head of Slytherin. (noticing the uncertain look on Harry's face) I know what you're thinking, and don't go holding that against me. (beat) Anyway, it's all well and good for Dumbledore to talk, but going back to Hogwarts would be tantamount to declaring my allegiance to The Order of the Phoenix, and while I'm sure they're all very brave and admirable and all that, I don't fancy the mortality rate! HARRY You don't have to be in the Order to teach at Hogwarts; only three of the teachers are in it, and besides, none of them's been killed. SLUGHORN Yes, well - HARRY I reckon Hogwarts is about the safest place to be now, actually. I mean, the only reason Voldemort (Slughorn cringes slightly at hearing the name.) hasn't come after Hogwarts by now is because of Dumbledore, isn't it? SLUGHORN That's true, but - HARRY And there've been loads of new protective enchantments put over the school; surely you're better off there than on the run? SLUGHORN I - I suppose - Slughorn pauses to contemplate this as Dumbledore walks back in. DUMBLEDORE Shall we be off, Harry?. SLUGHORN Alright. Alright, I'll do it! DUMBLEDORE You will? SLUGHORN I must be mad, but yes, I'll go back. Of course, I'll expect a pay rise. DUMBLEDORE (a slight grin on his face) Of course. EXT. THE BURROW - BACK DOOR - DEAD OF NIGHT Harry and Dumbledore stop just before the back entrance. DUMBLEDORE I hope you'll forgive me for mentioning it, Harry, but before we part, I wish to say how pleased and...proud of how well you are coping with what happened at the Ministry. Permit me to say that I think Sirius would be proud. (beat) It's cruel that you had so little time together. HARRY It's just hard - to realize I'll never talk to him again. (pause) It could be me next ,couldn't it? Well, if it is, I'll just make it my business to take as many Death Eaters with me as I can; and Voldemort too if I can manage it. DUMBLEDORE Truly spoken like the son of Lily and James Potter, and Sirius' true godson. So that's it. Let me say this: it definitely reads slower than I imagine it; however, it's still probably a bit lengthy. Most of my cuts are pretty self-explanatory (You can only watch Harry/Dumbledore walk around Budleigh Babberton for so long, for instance, and some information relayed through 'Daily Prophet' stories will be fit in later.) I'll surely be making constant tweaks to this post like I did with "Spinner's End", but what do you think as of now? |
Re: Fan Scripts: Script your own version of Harry Potter
Here's a scene I wrote for the beginning of Deathly Hallows. It's short and to the point which is what they (WB) want.
A dark cloudy sky. The metallic looking Warner Brothers Logo flies through the air and directly towards the screen. The camera passes through centre of the logo leaving a dark cloudy sky. Through the clouds come the title 'HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS.' The music of Hedwigs theme quietens as the camera pans down onto an old country lane. A crane shot of the country lane. The sky is clear. In the distant a noble manor house can be seen, lights glimmering in the night. Several loud cracks are heard followed by a bang. Two men have appeared in the lane. One of them is lying on the floor, the other stands over him, a small wooden wand in his hand. YAXLEY Snape, whatch'a playing at? SNAPE Apologies Yaxley, yet you could have been anyone. Yaxley gets to his feet and the pair make their way to a iron gate in front of the manor house. They pass through and make their way up the lane to the house. YAXLEY I would have got here sooner but I got held back. (He pauses) You are sure that your news is correct. SNAPE If everything goes to plan. The Dark Lords work the past sixteen years will finally be worth it. YAXLEY You mean Potter? What- Yaxley is cut off as they reach the door of the Manor. Snape knocks and several seconds later a pale boy (Draco Malfoy) opens the door and lets Snape and Yaxley through. Yaxley and Snape make their way through the house to a back room where a large group of people are sat around a table. Snape sits next to the tallest man, who is sat stroking a large snake. Yaxley sits. VOLDEMORT Snape, what news do you have? SNAPE They are moving the boy earlier than we anticipated, the twenty seventh is the date I have heard. YAXLEY Why would they do that? If his protection ends on the thirty-first it would seem foolish to leave any earlier. SNAPE The order, believes that we think exactly that way Yaxley. They are moving him earlier as they think that we will go on the thirty-first. VOLDEMORT Indeed. I wondered whether... No matter. Yet we should not be too confident. It would be a blow if he left and we were not informed. Where will they be taking him? SNAPE The Burrow. But the protection there will be too great to get him. That is, if we fail. VOLDEMORT Which is why we must not. I have been too careless where Harry Potter is concerned. That he lives is more of my failure than his triumphs. I must deal with him myself. There is silence around the table. Draco Malfoy is staring out into space and not paying attention to the meeting. VOLDEMORT You will notice, we have a guest with us this evening. He points upwards where is figure is slowly rotating. VOLDEMORT This, is Professor Burbage, who until most recently, taught at Hogwarts school. She also wrote a lengthy article in the Daily Prophet about how muggles should be treated as equals and how we should embrace them. Obviously I couldn't let such a person to miss out on our meeting. BURBAGE Severus... please.... VOLDEMORT Were you taught by Burbage, Draco? Draco turns and shakes his head. VOLDEMORT Of course. Burbage taught Muggle Studies. And you are of noble blood. Of course you would not take her subject. BURBAGE Severus please! Help me! Snape ignores Burbage. Voldemort withdraws a long thin wand. VOLDEMORT Avada Kedavra! Burbage falls to the table with a crash. The snake slowly falls off Voldemort's shoulders as he says VOLDEMORT Dinner, Nagini... END OF SCENE |
Re: Fan Scripts: Script your own version of Harry Potter
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The Journey from Platform Nine and Three Quarters "Cuttables": All of what is in there (it is not the entire thing) can be cut, along with much more. You did not truly write a script - you basically copied the book's dialogue. While I like the book's words more, it simply does not work in the film, unless you want the movie to be 3 hours. If you are aiming for a 2 hour - 2 and a half hour movie, a lot of that should be cut. I think the current SS film did a pretty decent job on cutting what was unnecessary. Quote:
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Thus, use this scene to define Snape’s character (and show the information about Harry that he knows), as well as reintroduce characters like Bellatrix and the Malfoys (and possibly Wormtail). However, I do think that a death is necessary in this scene. Meanwhile, I also disagree with your opening (the title coming before anything else). It should be commonly known that I immensely dislike the title just appearing out of a fog, before the audience sees anything but the WB logo. Instead, have the title erupt out of the Avada Kedavra curse (I would not say “Dinner, Nagini,” but just introduce the snake in the scene). Or, if you do not want it to resemble GoF too much (the Frank Bryce scene), you could have Nagini ready to strike the body, and as she opens her mouth and clamps it, the title appears. |
Re: Fan Scripts: Script your own version of Harry Potter
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