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Old October 3rd, 2007, 10:28 pm
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ArryGrotter  Male.gif ArryGrotter is offline
Too... Much... Fangirling...
Join Date: 17th October 2005
Location: Auckland, NZ
Age: 28
Posts: 3,281
Re: Fan Scripts: Harry Potter Remakes

Originally Posted by Phrozenone View Post
I have a script that I've done for HBP
It's REALLY great to see someone else's script. Are you ready for some constructive criticism?

Spoiler: show
I think that your scenes are too cutty. Meaning that they suddenly end, and then they suddenly start somewhere else, and only if you read the book would you know how they got there. That's all for now.

You can give me criticism too.

Here's the next part of the 'Boy Who Lived' scene. Together, it's still lengthy.

The second half of the arrival scene I am cutting:    

PS: Night time arrival Part 2 (The Boy Who Lived)McGonagall and Dumbledore get of the brick wall and look down the deserted street. The rumble is getting LOUDER. When McGonagall finishes her search, she looks to Dumbledore, who is looking at the sky. A GIANT MOTORBIKE is landing. On the motorbike is RUBEUS HAGRID, an extremely large man in his early 50s. He gets off, carrying a bundle of blankets.

Hagrid. At last. And where did you get that motorbike?

Borrowed it, Professor Dumbledore, sir. Young Sirius Black lent it me. I got him sir.

Hagrid looks down at the blankets. A 1-year-old HARRY POTTER is sleeping inside them. Dumbledore addresses Hagrid.

No problems, were there?

No, sir – house was almost destroyed, but I got him out all right before the Muggles started swarmin’ around.

Dumbledore and McGonagall observe the baby. It has BLACK HAIR and GREEN EYES. On its forehead is a CUT, SHAPED LIKE LIGHTNING.

Is that where…?

Yes. He’ll have that scar forever.

Couldn’t you do something about it, Dumbledore?

Even if I could, I wouldn’t. Scars can come in handy. Well – give him here, Hagrid – we’d better get this over with.

Harry is passed from Hagrid to Dumbledore. The three of them turn to face number 4, sadness over all their faces.

Could I – could I say good-bye to him, sir?

Hagrid bends down and gives baby Harry a kiss, then lets out a saddened howl.

McGonagall pats Hagrid on the arm. Dumbledore makes his way to the FRONT DOOR of number 4 and lays Harry on the DOORMAT. Dumbledore then takes out a LETTER and tucks it in Harry’s blankets. Dumbledore walks back and the three of them stand silently for a while, staring at baby Harry.

Well, that’s that. We’ve no business staying here. We may as well go and join the celebrations.

Yeah, I best get this bike away. G’night, Professor McGonagall – Professor Dumbledore, sir.

Still moping up his tears, Hagrid gets back on the bike and departs.

I shall see you soon, I expect, Professor McGonagall.

McGonagall blows her nose in a way of reply. Dumbledore walks back out to road. He pulls out the Deluminator and clicks it once, all the street lights come back to life. He looks back at NUMBER FOUR, PRIVET DRIVE where a tabby cat can now be seen, slowly departing.

Good luck, Harry

Baby Harry turns in his sleep, clutching Dumbledore’s letter

Last edited by ArryGrotter; October 4th, 2007 at 11:22 pm. Reason: Expand, fieldset
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