Pun, Pawn, and Punishment
Lucius and Narcissa entered the house where the Dark Lord was staying. They were surprised to see the floor transformed into white and brown checkerboard tiles. Perhaps there was to be ballroom dancing later in the evening instead of the usual punishment? Lucius relaxed. The previous week, he had been forced to roll a dungbomb across the room with his nose while Nagini slithered behind him. Anything would be better than that.
Suddenly, Lord Voldemort swept in, his glowing eyes like red pins stuck in a round green apple.
“Welcome, friends. How intelligent of you to show up.”
The Dark Lord called out their names, directing them to one side of the room or another, until there were sixteen wizards or witches on each side.
Then he said, “Potter and his playmates became Chess Pieces before they robbed me of the Philosopher’s Stone. Tonight we shall reenact the game.”
Lucius began to sweat a little. Chess? Strategy was not his thing - he even failed at gobstones.
Lord Voldemort continued. “The lovely Bellatrix shall be . . .the Black Queen.”
Whoosh! ~ Bellatrix became a shiny obsidian Queen.
“And you, Severus. A Black Bishop.” Whoosh!
On the White side of the board, Greyback became a Rook and Dolohov a White Knight. Narcissa was the Queen. Lucius waited expectantly to become the White King.
The red eyes pointed his way.
“Lucius, how luminous you appear, all dressed in white with your fair hair so nicely shampooed.”
Lucius bowed very low and said, “Thank you, my Lord,” trying to suppress thoughts about sadistic tyrants with green bald heads.
“Ah, I see from your thoughts that you like a good pun,” Voldemort said.
“Puns? Why, uh … yes, my Lord.”
“A pun is short for ‘punishment,’ is it not?”
“Uh . . . perhaps, my Lord.”
“Are the letters P – W – N significant to you?”
Lucius stammered, “Uh . . . well . . . “
“A well is a deep subject, Lucius, and you are a shallow man. And yet I take whatever foot soldiers I can get.” The Dark Lord smiled menacingly. “What position do you feel you deserve on the Chess Board of life?”
Lucius felt his thoughts slipping away, exposed by the Dark Lord’s Legilimency. The Master scoffed.
“So you have the gall to see yourself as the high and mighty White King, with your graceful Queen beside you?” Death Eaters on the sidelines began to snort and giggle.
“It is more fitting that I, Lord Voldemort, shall be King on both sides of the board. And while I don’t have your lustrous goldilocks, my dignified ‘bald’ head shall wear two crowns, while you serve as a lowly . . . expendable . . . Pawn.”
The room began to spin and Lucius felt his body turning into one of the smallest chess pieces. Suddenly he understood the Master’s pun as his head became as round as a ball.
1. Resized original Pawn image to 300x500.
2. Found image of Lucius Malfoy: This One.
3. Resized Lucius 60 % so face would fit on Pawn.
4. Used Paint Free-Form Select ~ Copied face
5. Pasted face
6. Used Paint Free-Form Select ~ Copied cane
7. Pasted cane
8. Used Paint Free-Form Select ~ Copied medallion
9. Pasted medallion
10. Made sure size was still 300x500. Picture Here.
In GIMP (I did not use Layers, but saved each step as a JPEG):
11. Opened Picture in Gimp - used Smudge Tool for Hair and Medallion. Picture.
12. Used Smudge Tool on Cane Picture
13. Circled Face and Cane with Free-Select Tool.
14. Brightened Face and Cane with Brightness/Contrast function. Picture
15. Used Smudge Tool to Smooth Face and Cane Picture
16. Used Swirl and Sparkle Brushes on Hair and Cane Picture ~ Final Picture.