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Old December 21st, 2007, 10:07 pm
ArryGrotter's Avatar
ArryGrotter  Male.gif ArryGrotter is offline
Too... Much... Fangirling...
 
Join Date: 17th October 2005
Location: Auckland, NZ
Age: 28
Posts: 3,281
Re: Fan Scripts: Script your own version of Harry Potter

Quote:
Originally Posted by Phrozenone View Post
Yeah that's what I did and that's a good idea. Write all you can and go back. It's tough though because you'll find there are alot of parts you like but they just don't flow well. That's when the whole 'combining' scenes thing can happen. It'll be easier once you have it all down and you're able to just read it from front to back.
I don't know If you noticed, but I've tried the combining scene thing in Hagrid's/Harry's talk before Diagon Alley. I previously (You may find it somewhere on here) had three or four scenes and then whittled in down to just the one (or two if you include when they wake up) in the boat.

I'm going to be so attached to this script. It'll be hard to cut when it's finished.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Phrozenone View Post
And honestly they never said Hedwig's name in the movie so just having Harry call the name sometime in the film works just as well.
The only time it was said was in a DELETED SCENE (The Neville/Choclate Frog/Dumbledore/Flamel one). And there was a piece of music called Hedwig's theme! Who is Hedwig?????

OK, back to being a critic....

Quote:
Originally Posted by Phrozenone View Post
GEORGE
IT’s ok mum he’s just a little love struck

RON
Shut up!

INT. -DEN-MORNING (LATER THAT DAY)

The scene cuts to Lupin, Mr. Weasley, and Harry sitting around the fireplace as Christmas music plays in the background.
I find this a bad transition...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Phrozenone View Post
HARRY
And that’s what happened.
...and I hate it when scenes start with 'And' it makes you feel like you're missing something.
E.g. OotP:MOLLY WEASLEY
Presents!

CUTS TO LATER:

MOLLY WEASLEY
And a big box for Ron.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Phrozenone View Post
LUPIN
I neither like nor dislike Severus. We shall never be friends, but I do not forget that during the year at Hogwarts, Severus made the Wolfsbane Potion for me every month, so that I did not have to suffer as I usually do at the full moon. He kept me healthy, I must be grateful.
Since your script is following the movies, I wouldn't put something in that wasn't in one of them...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Phrozenone View Post
There is a crash heard from in the kitchen and we hear Mrs. Weasley yelling at the twins.

MR. WEASLEY
I think I’m needed in this situation…
(He jumps up and runs out of the room)
Random...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Phrozenone View Post
LUPIN
Yes. My father had offended him.

INT-RONS BEDROOM-CHRISTMAS MORNING

The scene cuts to another snowy shot of the Burrow and we hear hear Rons voice and then the scene pops in with him holding up a thick gold chain.
Attack of the bad transitions! (I am quite negative, aren't I?)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Phrozenone View Post
RON
If you tell them..I…I…I’ll…

HARRY
Stutter at me?


Quote:
Originally Posted by Phrozenone View Post
MRS. WEASLEY
Thanks Harry dear. Bill could you please stop eating like an animal!

BILL
What!
Another random moment...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Phrozenone View Post
GINNY
You have a maggot in your hair Harry
(She reaches over and plucks it out of his hair.)

HARRY
(Chuckles nervously)
Thanks
Ohhhhhhhhh!!!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Phrozenone View Post
SCRIMGEOUR
Well, it is clear to me that he has done a very good job on you. Dumbledores man through and through, aren’t you, Potter?

HARRY
You got it.


Quote:
Originally Posted by IenjoyAcidPops View Post
For the love of God, be gentle!
I'll keep that in mind

Quote:
Originally Posted by IenjoyAcidPops View Post
The dim outlines of a few rooftops and chimneys are the only things visible through the oddly insistent mist. The Warner Bros. logo slowly moves out of this mist toward the camera, which then travels through it to show a street sign bearing the name Spinner's End. Dissolve to the profile of Severus Snape, levitating two wine glasses before him.
Have you thought about the colour of the mist? Green, IMO, would be best, given the US's cover (and also parts of the UK!)

This may come across a little harsh, so... Edit: It isn't that gentle after all...
Spoiler: show
Why dissolve from the sign to Snape? I, personally, think that would look horrible. You may love it, so that is personal choice. Just I want to ask whether you picture this happening, because even cutting from a sign to a face this early kind of looks wrong, IMO. And that wasn't very gentle, sorry.........


Quote:
Originally Posted by IenjoyAcidPops View Post
SNAPE
I must say, this is a pleasant surprise. What brings you to the family home?
I can't remember if that was in the book or not, but that is a good way of introducing the place and also helps with the setup of The Prince's Tale.

Quote:
Originally Posted by IenjoyAcidPops View Post
WOMAN #2
Cissy, how many times must I tell you we cannot trust him before it sinks in?
Even though HBP is possible the book I have read the most, I don't have a clue what Bellatrix is on about...

Quote:
Originally Posted by IenjoyAcidPops View Post
SNAPE
You mean this (lifting up his sleeve to show The Dark Mark branded into his arm) is not sufficient answer?
And finally movie-goers will begin to question Snape. (*Gets annoyed at Newell*)

Quote:
Originally Posted by IenjoyAcidPops View Post
NARCISSA
Proud?! It is only punishment for Lucius' failure to retrieve the prophecy, I know it! Severus, I must know...will you assist him, watch over him, complete his task if he cannot?
I agree with Phrozenone. Saying Lucius ruins the effect. Since no link has yet to be discovered between Bellatrix and Draco and we have not meet Narcissa, I think it'd be better to leave Draco anonymous

Edit: I forgot about the Vow cut. I have this to say: It is effective yet I'd prefer the scene to end at Narcissa's proposal, so the audience questions until the middle of the movie (When Harry finds out).



Last edited by ArryGrotter; December 21st, 2007 at 10:31 pm.
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