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Old December 22nd, 2007, 1:28 am
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ArryGrotter  Male.gif ArryGrotter is offline
Too... Much... Fangirling...
Join Date: 17th October 2005
Location: Auckland, NZ
Age: 27
Posts: 3,281
Re: Fan Scripts: Script your own version of Harry Potter

Originally Posted by IenjoyAcidPops View Post
Don't worry too much I was just kidding. Constructive criticism is appreciated, of course.
Ok, I wasn't entirely sure.

Originally Posted by IenjoyAcidPops View Post
This is one of the things I meant when I said it was rough. It's really just a matter of expediency. I don't feel we need to see Narcissa and Bellatrix walking toward the house, killing the fox, etc. I'd rather start on Snape. I'm not strongly attached to it, but I would like to know why you feel it's horrible. Just out of curiosity, that's all. .
I simply just found it odd that we are are flying down to this town and suddenly stop at this street sign and it just turns into Snape's face. I think is would have been better if we passed the sign and flew into Snape's house (Then when'd be 100% sure of the location too). I personally don't think the before fight is needed either.

Originally Posted by IenjoyAcidPops View Post
Well, no, the exact line is not from the book, but this passage gets the same idea across:

"Then you ought to hold your tongue!" snarled Bellatrix. "Particularly in present company!"

"Present company?" repeated Snape sardonically. "And what am I to understand by that, Bellatrix?"

"That I don't trust you, Snape, as you very well know!"

So, I just thought that line was a good way for Bellatrix to enter the scene and quickly tell us that she doesn't trust Snape. Of course, I could just use the lines I just quoted. Hmmmm...
I think the 'before it sinks in' bit was odd. It'd probably be better to use one of these lines.

Originally Posted by IenjoyAcidPops View Post
Well, I did address this in my last post. I'm not sure whether you've read that or not.
I'm sorry, I must've miss read it and thought you siad that Snape said to Narcissa 'Lucius'. Though, if you can find a way to find Lucius not adressed, that would be good.

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