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Old December 22nd, 2007, 1:28 am
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ArryGrotter  Male.gif ArryGrotter is offline
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Join Date: 17th October 2005
Location: Auckland, NZ
Age: 27
Posts: 3,281
Re: Fan Scripts: Script your own version of Harry Potter

Quote:
Originally Posted by IenjoyAcidPops View Post
Don't worry too much I was just kidding. Constructive criticism is appreciated, of course.
Ok, I wasn't entirely sure.

Quote:
Originally Posted by IenjoyAcidPops View Post
This is one of the things I meant when I said it was rough. It's really just a matter of expediency. I don't feel we need to see Narcissa and Bellatrix walking toward the house, killing the fox, etc. I'd rather start on Snape. I'm not strongly attached to it, but I would like to know why you feel it's horrible. Just out of curiosity, that's all. .
I simply just found it odd that we are are flying down to this town and suddenly stop at this street sign and it just turns into Snape's face. I think is would have been better if we passed the sign and flew into Snape's house (Then when'd be 100% sure of the location too). I personally don't think the before fight is needed either.

Quote:
Originally Posted by IenjoyAcidPops View Post
Well, no, the exact line is not from the book, but this passage gets the same idea across:

"Then you ought to hold your tongue!" snarled Bellatrix. "Particularly in present company!"

"Present company?" repeated Snape sardonically. "And what am I to understand by that, Bellatrix?"

"That I don't trust you, Snape, as you very well know!"

So, I just thought that line was a good way for Bellatrix to enter the scene and quickly tell us that she doesn't trust Snape. Of course, I could just use the lines I just quoted. Hmmmm...
I think the 'before it sinks in' bit was odd. It'd probably be better to use one of these lines.

Quote:
Originally Posted by IenjoyAcidPops View Post
Well, I did address this in my last post. I'm not sure whether you've read that or not.
I'm sorry, I must've miss read it and thought you siad that Snape said to Narcissa 'Lucius'. Though, if you can find a way to find Lucius not adressed, that would be good.


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