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Old August 3rd, 2006, 4:31 am
House_Elf_21  Undisclosed.gif House_Elf_21 is offline
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Join Date: 31st May 2006
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Posts: 61
Re: Snape: Karaoke Superstar?

A woman with long green locks stepped onto the stage. "Wotcher, Minerva," she said. "As Hagrid is currently unavailable--meaning he's dead drunk--" The audience roared with appreciative laughter. Snape still looked constipated. "I'll be introducing myself. I'm--"

"Just tell us what you're singing, Nymphadora," Snape hissed.

"It's TONKS!" She then conjured a guitar out of nowhere, put the strap over her shoulder and took one step too close to the edge of the stage and fell off. "Ow."

"Will you please just get on with the ruddy song?" Simon sighed.

"I'm all right, thank you for asking." She had managed to pull herself and her destroyed guitar back onto the stage. "Repairo! There we go." She then strummed a few chords and sang:

"Those fingers in my hair,
That sly come hither stare,
That strips my conscious bare,
It's witchcraft--"

"How original," Snape sneered.

"You've got to work on your song choices. It's the song choices that make or break a witch or wizard."

"You were a little sharp there, Nymphadora--" said McGonagall.

"Tonks," the witch sighed.

Minerva continued. "I can't say much beyond that, because these two bumbling baboons won't let a person finish a song. Choose another, dear. Oh, and that green hair makes your skin look yellow."

"Thanks," said Tonks, morphing her hair into short, pink spikes. She then sang her own (much less crude) version of "Honky Tonk Women", calling it "Honky Tonks Woman."

"Nymphadora--"

"Tonks."

"I believe it Honky TONK not Honky TONKS."

"And what do you mean by parading around in those Muggle clothes?" Snape demanded. "Are you a paid advertisement for the Weird Sisters?"

"Shove off, you old bat!" Nymphadora--er, sorry, TONKS--smashed her guitar on the stage and stormed off past Remus Lupin.

"Hello," he said, as if addressing a class. "My name is R.J. Lupin, and I will be singing 'How High the Moon.'"

"Avada me now," Snape moaned.

***

Meanwhile, somewhere in the back row....

"So tell me, Filius," slurred Hagrid, who had just sat down next to Professor Flitwick; "Knowin' Snape an' all, and seeing as he's so, er, mean..."

"Yes?" Flitwick encouraged him to go on.

"How did Snape manage to get all them numbers a' speed-dating night?"

"They were all the same number--"

"Huh. That's funny, that's fer sure."

"--for an emergency plastic surgeon hotline."

Hagrid let out an earth-shattering roar, causing Remus to lose his balance and fall over mid-way through the song.

"You've obviously been around Tonks too long," said Snape.

"The best singing I've heard so far tonight. Then again, you haven't had much competition."

"Never mind them, Remus," said McGonagall; "you sounded lovely."

"Thank you, Professor," Remus said, smiling broadly, but his eyes were fixed on a certain pink-haired witch, who was currently mending a glass she had knocked over.



Last edited by House_Elf_21; August 4th, 2006 at 2:35 am.
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