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Old December 21st, 2007, 5:30 am
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Phrozenone  Male.gif Phrozenone is offline
Fourth Year
Join Date: 28th May 2006
Location: Arizona
Posts: 608
Re: Fan Scripts: Script your own version of Harry Potter

Originally Posted by ArryGrotter View Post
Actually I don't mind 'I love magic tooooooo much. But that line was photograph cheese.
Oh come onnnnnnn...mice are running all over the I love magic line

This scene just goes too fast for my liking....
Yeah it is kind of quick isn't it? I should so do a rewrite now that OOTP is out and maybe we both can come up with the ultimate HBP script....but not to much...can't outwrite Kloves can we? lol

I LOVE this (though might have tweaked it a bit. I know, I'm harsh)
YAY you like something!!!

And no worries you're not harsh trust me. It's your opinion and the reason this thread is here is for other fans opinions on your work. I'm glad you're so honest, keep it up! (Just don't make me cry...)

Since When did Hermione go to clown school????
I remember when I wrote that. I'd come up with this whole 'Ron/Hermione' montage thing where they're both kinda arguing and Harry is ignoring them both (Kinda what you've read so far) and Ron teases Hermione just like in the book but I couldn't find anything that Hermione could really get Ron back with.

Oooohhhh you know what I just thought? Maybe I could come up with something that has spiders involved?

This scene just comes out of nowhere.
IT was supposed to be the 'after the montage' scene. You know fades from Hermione's final assault on Ron to Harry and Hermione walking and just talking like nothing is happening.

LOL I actually quite liked that line actually What can I say? I love me some cheese!

How Luna comes in makes it look to the audience like its going to end up Luna/Harry.
You think so? I never got that...hmmmm. THat's why I added him looking at Ginny and talking to Hedwig about her. How does it make them think that in your opinion?

Four letters: S P E W !!!
Actually I wanted so bad to add like a little S.P.E.W. reference in my script...just as a nod to the book fans. After Harry sends Kreacher and Dobby off I was going to have Hermione get frustrated with it and say something about how she should start up a club to liberate house elves and name it S.P.E.W. and Ron and Harry would kinda look at her and they all would say "Nah that would never work."

I think the library part ruined this line. It's an awesome line and it needs to be used fully.
Yeah? Hermione's always saying that though...what do u suggest I do? Just have her leave or something?

Do you want some more cheese?
Yes please!

I was SO hoping you'd laugh at that. I chuckle everytime I read that.

I really don't have any problems with this...

The above is probably a bit too negative. Sorry. Can I just say I'm really happy that someone else is participating in this thread and it is great to see other peoples work.
Cool...and like I said no worries I don't see your comments as negative at all actually. Constructive criticism my wonders...Kloves needs someone to do that for him

And no problems I like this thread because you're really the only other person, besides myself, that has read this script and I'm SO happy to hear what someone else thinks.

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