Adults Living at Home

[Queen of Wise]

I don't think there is a set age, I know we "become" adults legally at 18, but that doesn't mean we're mentally prepared to leave the nest. I lived with my folks until I was 22, moved out last march. I currently live in an apartment with my boyfriend and for the last few months I have learned just how hard it is to be out on your own.

This said, I have an older brother who still lives at home with mom and dad. He is 27 years old, has no job, no car, no license, and no lifelong ambitions except to play video games and drink beer for the rest of his life. (while this does make me giggle, it is not really that funny). He does find odd jobs here and there and manages to pay my father some rent so my parents are not complaining. I just feel that he has no motivation to move out and probably never will.

It depends entirely on the sole individual in question. We can't really say "You're X years old, you need to move out now".

[Fawkesfan1]

Originally Posted by Queen of Wise

I don't think there is a set age, I know we "become" adults legally at 18, but that doesn't mean we're mentally prepared to leave the nest. I lived with my folks until I was 22, moved out last march. I currently live in an apartment with my boyfriend and for the last few months I have learned just how hard it is to be out on your own.

This said, I have an older brother who still lives at home with mom and dad. He is 27 years old, has no job, no car, no license, and no lifelong ambitions except to play video games and drink beer for the rest of his life. (while this does make me giggle, it is not really that funny). He does find odd jobs here and there and manages to pay my father some rent so my parents are not complaining. I just feel that he has no motivation to move out and probably never will.

It depends entirely on the sole individual in question. We can't really say "You're X years old, you need to move out now".

Just because you're of age to move out, doesn't mean that you'll be ready to do so then, or depending on the situation, ever. There are those times when people never move out. Usually it's due to a disablity or something like that.

[Queen of Wise]

Originally Posted by Fawkesfan1

Just because you're of age to move out, doesn't mean that you'll be ready to do so then, or depending on the situation, ever. There are those times when people never move out. Usually it's due to a disablity or something like that.

Yes I agree with you. I work with a man who is legally blind. He is the same age as me, 23, and we had a conversation one day about how his life plans. Now understand that for someone being born totally blind, he has grown up adapting to his disability all his life and he can do things that I would never imagine a blind person to be able to do, it is really quite amazing.

We had a discussion one day about if he ever planned to move out and get his own place. He said that he would like to but he would miss his parents too much. What I think he meant is that he is so used to people surrounding him and helping him out that it would be extremely hard to live on his own and have to learn a whole new environment and such.

People with disabilities of course have no choice in the matter most of the time and sometimes can never live on their own depending on the severity of their situation.

But what about those who are just too lazy to move out? Like my brother. I mean my parents have made comments too that he really needs to live out in the real world, but he is the kind of person who is so stuck in his environment that he is terrified to change anything. I guess it is a kind of anxiety perhaps. (I had a little bit of the same issue when I moved out, it was like shell shock, but I'm over it now)

[Quickquill]

There have always been people who remain in the family home after they reach legal majority, and there always will be. Some of this has to do with cultural attitudes, and some with convenience or companionship.

One of my father's cousins never left the family home because she never married, and in her generation, daughters weren't expected to leave home until they married. Many men didn't move out until they married either, largely because they weren't taught how to keep house or cook. My mother's maiden aunts lived together for the same reason. A child didn't leave "the family" until marriage. That works as long as people get along. If they don't, then somebody ends up moving out.

My brother was so keen to move out that he only agreed to go to a local college if he could have his own apartment anyway. My parents agreed, providing he got a job to pay his rent.

But in general people usually don't really want to live alone. It's more convenient to have sombody else around to share the chores / rent / etc. and to talk to at the end of the day.

[Queen of Wise]

Originally Posted by Quickquill

There have always been people who remain in the family home after they reach legal majority, and there always will be. Some of this has to do with cultural attitudes, and some with convenience or companionship.

One of my father's cousins never left the family home because she never married, and in her generation, daughters weren't expected to leave home until they married. Many men didn't move out until they married either, largely because they weren't taught how to keep house or cook. My mother's maiden aunts lived together for the same reason. A child didn't leave "the family" until marriage. That works as long as people get along. If they don't, then somebody ends up moving out.

My brother was so keen to move out that he only agreed to go to a local college if he could have his own apartment anyway. My parents agreed, providing he got a job to pay his rent.

But in general people usually don't really want to live alone. It's more convenient to have sombody else around to share the chores / rent / etc. and to talk to at the end of the day.

I suppose thats true in some aspects. I guess it depends what kind of person you are. I couldn't wait to move out but that is because there was a lot of tension and turmoil between a few family members. Now that I'm out and on my own it is nice to go home to a quiet apartment and be able to sit down and read or do college work without people bickering and fighting in the house.

[Quickquill]

Originally Posted by Queen of Wise

I suppose thats true in some aspects. I guess it depends what kind of person you are. I couldn't wait to move out but that is because there was a lot of tension and turmoil between a few family members. Now that I'm out and on my own it is nice to go home to a quiet apartment and be able to sit down and read or do college work without people bickering and fighting in the house.

In the U.S. for the last couple of generations most people think of moving out as being a sign of maturity, so many young people want to move out once they reach their 20's. Most who don't, stay for economic reasons, or convenience, but not every culture viewed this issue the same way over the course of history.

[chocolatBaysea]

^ as said above. I stay with parents for economic and kinship reasons. And convenience, instead of parents paying the bill it's adult children paying bill for them as reasonable condition. This condition is good, because if adult live outside on their own, they will discuss finance with parents as payment will be doubled and has to consider their situation as working adult.They live with them as way not live off them.

[Overdose]

I can't speak for anyone else but I absolutely could not wait to leave home. A few bad choices later and a couple of years later and I was right back sitting on mum's kitchen floor and feeling absolutely useless.

I was never one to enjoy living with the family, but for a lot of people, especially since young 'uns start in so much debt these days, it's pretty much a necessity.

[Goddess_Clio]

All the adults still living at home that I know do so for economic reasons - they simply don't have a large enough paycheck to afford an apartment on their own or they do but couldn't then afford the utility bills on top of rent.

To cap things off, most of the people I know who still live at home or lived at home after graduating college have had terrible roommate experiences which prohibits them from wanting to get a roommate of unknown origin, temperament, cleanliness, sociability, etc. and decided to stick with the devil they knew (their parents) rather than the devil they didn't (the whacky, insane roommate)

[StarryVeil]

Wow, this is an interesting topic. I didn't know living with your parents was a major issue in some societies. In my culture, the concept of extended families living together is the norm so moving OUT is what creates a big fuss.

Normally, in my country one lives with their parents well into their adulthood unless, of course, their job takes them elsewhere. A girl moves out once she's married and usually ends up in her in-laws house. I'm somewhat stuck in the middle because, while my extended family all live together in my country, my dad's the only one of his brothers to work abroad, so I've always grown up in a nuclear family. Which is why, while I express horror at the idea of living under the same roof as one's in-laws after marriage, I never really realized that living with your own parents as an adult has social stigmas associated with it.

In my culture, a child is actually expected to live with his/her parents and take care of them as they grow older. It's seen as a sort of payment to the people who brought you up. In fact, if an elderly couple is seen living alone in my country, you'll be sure to hear people badmouthing their children for being irresponsible and ungrateful. So it's either you live in your family home or, if your work takes you elsewhere, you bring your parents to live with you.