ArryGrotter, you're film will probably be about 6 hours long... it's simply too long. I suggest you make a lot of cuts. The official version is much better.
I'm write now working on a DH script. It has a lot less cuts then my previous scripts (I ended up including stuff like Lily's letter). I hope you'll enjoy it and give me feedback. here it is:
ArryGrotter, you're film will probably be about 6 hours long... it's simply too long. I suggest you make a lot of cuts. The official version is much better.
I think I should say that, 1) I know it is much too long, 2) The scene I just posted (hut on the rock) is NOT my final cut, and I posted it there to see what should be cut (I post final cuts without the expand thing), and 3) in my mind there is no time limit...yet.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Blast_ended
I'm write now working on a DH script. It has a lot less cuts then my previous scripts (I ended up including stuff like Lily's letter). I hope you'll enjoy it and give me feedback. here it is:
DH Script - Until Kreacher:
I like this to a large extent.
Things I didn't like:
The cut from "I want some info, Olivander" to the title was weird (but got understanderable slightly later.)
Dobby the WAITRESS?? (Waiter)
I did like the adaption for T___ Court Road (Can't remember what it's called) and many other things as well.
The main problem I see with most of these scripts is that you are trying to add everything from the book, and if it isn't exactly from the book, it is a slight change. Half the reason why these things weren't in the movies were because they are so incredibly boring. One scene I would like to see added, however, is the Dursleys in GoF.
This looks like a lot of fun, so be expecting to see me in a day or two with my DH script.
The main problem I see with most of these scripts is that you are trying to add everything from the book, and if it isn't exactly from the book, it is a slight change. Half the reason why these things weren't in the movies were because they are so incredibly boring. One scene I would like to see added, however, is the Dursleys in GoF.
This looks like a lot of fun, so be expecting to see me in a day or two with my DH script.
Yes, it's another "your added everthing"/"Cut more" post. If you are talking about my previous post, I AM going to cut, but not today. While writing it, I sensed what to cut, what to move, etc. What I have cut is veiwable here (Post 12), here (13), here (23), here (25), here (29) and here (40), but it will need to be cut more once the script is fully written. (I myself am scared of the page count).
GoF is a script I can't wait to do. That movie is awful now I've seen it 1,000,000 times.
Oh, it isn't just you, but yes, I see where you are cutting. I myself may have a problem with cutting things, but mostly, I think I can manage making it different from the books but keeping the story line like Kloves and the other guy *forgot his name momentarily* have done.
I hope the lead up of the final battle is along the lines of this.:
---
Because I MIGHT need to split DH into 2:
Also, for some reason I was wondering why Dumbledore knew Moody was Barty Crouch Jr (He asked for Winky) and then I remembered about Occlumency. So I plan to write, um, Harry and Cedric's return, I suppose the scene is, including a part when Dumbledore stops trusting "Mad-Eye". I will probably write it tomorrow.
Last edited by ArryGrotter; November 6th, 2007 at 9:10 am.
About the death of Voldemort... I was actually thinking how this should be like.
BELLATRIX topples to the ground, and in slow-motion, Voldemort turns to watch her die.
VOLDEMORT: NO!!! (not a cheesy "NO!" but a very scary, insane "NO!")
He turns and waves the ELDER WAND, and tendrils of light spary everywhere, hurling MCGONGALL, SLUGHORN, AND SHACKLEBOLT over the Great Hall. VOLDEMORT turns to MOLLY, furious. HE raises the wand, and just as the Killing Curse was said, HARRY pulls the Cloak off. Now in regular motion.
HARRY: PROTEGO!
A massive shield explodes in the middle of the Hall, and as everybody turns to see who'd done it, HARRY steps out of the crowd. VOLDEMORT turns to see HARRY, and he hisses. The magical ceiling now turns to a deep violet color, and a hint (very slight) of the sun is starting to rise. It's very subtle. They start circling each other. The crowd stumbles backward, making a circle in the hall. Several DEATH EATERS Apparate between the people, turning in confusion. One of them looks at Voldemort, gestures, but with a look from VOLDEMORT, he clambers back in rank.
VOLDEMORT: Harry Potter. So yet again, you escaped Death.
HARRY: (raises a hand quickly) Don't help. It's got to be like this, just you and me.
VOLDEMORT: You don't mean that, Potter. You snivel and hide behind the skirts of greater people, hiding away from me.
HARRY: You thought so. But you're wrong. I did that to protect everybody, from your harm. Remember my mother, Lily? The blood she gave up protected me from you... until-
VOLDEMORT: I came back! You're not protected anymore!
HARRY: Yes, you're right... but don't you see? I've done the same thing... for everybody who've fought you tonight. You don't know anything, do you, Riddle?
VOLDEMORT: (growls) You dare to-
HARRY: Yes. You never learn from your mistakes, Tom Riddle. Now, before you make yet another mistake, try to feel remorse...
VOLDEMORT: What is this? (looks shocked briefly)
HARRY: I've seen what you will become. Be a man...
VOLDEMORT: You're lying! I, Lord Voldemort, possesses the powerful wand ever to touch Wizarding history! We don't have that Phoenix core protection anymore, we duel on skills, alone!
HARRY: Be careful. You think you're powerful?
VOLDEMORT: I BROUGHT UPON THE DEATH OF ALBUS DUMBLEDORE!
HARRY: You thought so, yet you're wrong.
The crowd reacts, and whisperings start. They are cut off by VOLDEMORT.
VOLDEMORT: He is dead, on this grounds, rotting in the tomb! I saw it myself!
HARRY: He never got murdered. He made a fatal mistake and arranged the whole thing with the man you thought was your faithful servant... Severus Snape. He stopped working for you once you killed my mother... she was the only person Snape ever truly loved.
VOLDEMORT: Silence! What does it matter, then, as both are dead! On my own doings!
HARRY: Really? Well, when Malfoy disarmed Dumbledore on the evening he died... that wand you're holding, the master of that is Draco Malfoy.
VOLDEMORT: I can attend to Draco after this! You speak nonsense, and you're stalling your death!
HARRY: But... I overtook Malfoy weeks ago and took his wand. (holds up wand) Does that wand you hold know its master was disarmed? Because if it does... then I am the master of the Elder Wand.
The sun finally rises, and the magical ceiling turns a shocking orange-yellow.
VOLDEMORT: AVADA KEDVARA!
HARRY: EXPELLARMIUS!
The jets of the spells collides, then they breaks up. Shots of light bursts from the connected jet of light. Voldemort growls, but then he looks fearful- as the Elder Wand flicks away out of his hand- a green jet shot out- it hits Voldemort in the chest- a booming explosion echoes as Voldemort kneels. A moment, then suddenly jets of light burst from his chest. Voldemort's body withers, then his robe turns into smoke, and his body along disappears in a smoky fog. The Death Eaters panics, and attempts to Disapparate, but the Order quickly gathers them up.
Last edited by Dementor13; November 27th, 2007 at 12:00 am.
About the death of Voldemort... I was actually thinking how this should be like.
...
Interesting, yet I feel it's a bit short for the big finale.
I definately think that Voldemort's "No" can't be chessy.
I actually think that the thread name is mis-leading, as not all the movies have actually been made yet. I think I'll change it (for the 10th time)
Anyway, about my script. I've decided to write a treatment before continuing. Here's what I've done:
PS Treatment:
A cat is sitting outside a house.
In this house are Petunia and Vernon Dursley, both happy, but only on the outside. Their son, Dursley, drops his cereal in protest. “Shan’t!”
Vernon goes to work to find weird people in cloaks whispering about the Potter’s son, Harry.
At home, Vernon discovers that owls have been flying around during daylight and that there has been a downpour of shooting stars. Trying to make sense of all of this, he asks Petunia if he has heard from her sister (She says no), as asked for a reminder of his nephew’s name. It’s Harry.
That night, an elderly man appears (Dumbledore). He turns out all the street lights with a cigarette-lighter-like device (Deluminator). He approaches the cat, which turns into a woman: McGonagall. They discuss what everyone is celebrating: The downfall of an evil wizard by a infant who was to be the last to be killed in his family. McGonagall then asks why Dumbledore is here. “To bring Harry to his aunt and uncle”. Dumbledore says he has written a letter. McGonagall doesn’t initially side with Dumbledore on this. Hagrid, a half-giant, brings Harry on a giant motorbike. On his forehead, Harry has a lightning-bolt scar, a souvenir of the attack. Dumbledore leaves Harry and the letter on the doorstep and they all say their goodbyes.
10 years later.
Harry wakes to Petunia’s shrill voice. Harry remembers a dream he had with a flying motorbike. She comes back and announces it is Dudley’s Birthday.
Dudley counts his many presents and is displeased. The phone rings and Petunia come back with some news: Harry can’t go to Mrs. Figg’s. Petunia and Vernon can’t decide what to do. The doorbell rings. Petunia and Dudley leave and Vernon tells Harry “No funny business.” Harry remembers the odd happenings that seem to happen around him.
A motorbike passes and Harry tells Vernon of the dream he had about a flying one. “Motorbikes don’t fly!” “It was only a dream.”
They arrive at the zoo. Dudley spots the largest snake and orders his father to make it move. It won’t; it’s asleep. They all move away, except Harry, who tells the snake “It must be really annoying,” and, astonishingly, the snake wakes. Harry asks where it’s from and the snake points to the sign next to him. Brazil. “Was it nice there” Harry is told to read further: “This specimen was bred in the zoo.” Then, Piers Shouts noticing what the snake is doing. Dudley shoves Harry onto the floor, Harry looks up and… the glass has vanished. Dudley and Piers are terrified as the large snake slithers out of the cage. “Brazil, here I come ... Thanksss, amigo.”
The group head home. Dudley and Piers make up heroic tales. Piers turns to Harry: “Harry was talking to it, weren't you, Harry?” Vernon is not happy.
Vernon forces Harry into his cupboard, where Harry remembers the tale of his scar.
1 month later.
The mail arrives and Harry is told to get it by Vernon and Dudley.
In the mail there is… a letter for Harry.
Harry comes back with the mail and starts opening his letter, but it is noticed by Dudley. Vernon snatches it and opens it himself (“Who’d be writing to you?”), but is terrified by what is inside. He shows Petunia who shares the same emotion. Vernon chucks Dudley and Harry out of the room to hold a private conversation.
Once outside, Dudley listens at the keyhole and Harry at the gap under the door.
Inside (while Harry listens) Petunia and Vernon decide what to do. Petunia wonders how they know where he sleeps. Vernon demands they don’t reply as “I'm not having one in the house, Petunia! Didn't we swear when we took him in we'd stamp out that dangerous nonsense?”
That night Vernon tells Harry that the letter was addressed wrong and that he should move to Dudley’s second bedroom as he is getting to big for the cupboard. “Why?” “Don't ask questions!”
Later that night, Harry comes down the stairs to find Vernon nailing the letterbox and in a conversation with Petunia. “See, if they can't deliver them they'll just give up.” “I'm not sure that'll work, Vernon.” “Oh, these people's minds work in strange ways, Petunia, they're not like you and me.”
The next morning, Petunia opens a new packet of eggs to find… letters. But they’ve changed. They now read ‘Mr. H. Potter, The Smallest Bedroom, 4 Privet Drive, Little Whinging, Surrey’. She shows the rest of the family. “Who on earth wants to talk to you this badly?” says Dudley.
The next morning is Sunday. No post, exclaims Vernon, but a letter suddenly hits him in the back of the head. They are flying out of the fireplace. Harry tries to grab one, but he is thrown out of the room by Vernon.
In the Hall, Vernon announces they are going away.
The next day. They’ve travelled far and wide. Everyone wants to go home except Vernon, who is now searching for the perfect place. He comes back to the car: he’s found it.
He points to a hut on a rock way out on sea. “Storm forecast for tonight! And I've been able to lend a boat.” And to Harry, “Could do with some of those letters now, eh?”
HARRY: He never got murdered. He made a fatal mistake and arranged the whole thing with your faithful servant... Severus Snape. He stopped working for you once you killed my mother... the only woman he've ever loved.
"The man you THOUGHT was your faithful servant." And Severus stopped working for Voldie before Lily's death, not after (I think Harry's exact words were "from the moment you started hunting my mother.") Also, it isn't clear from the above that it wasn't DD who was in love with Lily, but Severus.
Otherwise, though, it's not bad at all.
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"Hey, Mom! Snape DIDN'T die - he's pitching in the World Series!"
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October 20th, 2007, 12:08 am
(Waiter)
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