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  #41  
Old November 23rd, 2005, 9:21 am
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Dear, dear... here comes the moment... *sigh* This time the newest chapter will be divided in two parts. Have fun (or I should better say... cry a bit ) and please leave comments here

CHAPTER 40: THAT MOMENT

When the O.W.L.s were about to start, Lily got a letter from her parents, wishing her all the best and she wasn’t the only one who received it; in general, parents were as much nervous as Hogwarts students themselves.
Passing by the Slytherin table during breakfast, Lily heard Regulus Black, who was showing off in front of his mates, telling them that his parents promised that if he had passed at least 6 subjects, he would have achieved a large amount of money.
The first subject to pass was History of Magic and all the three friends were frustrated how the exam went. Not only they felt like this.
“I’ve failed it, I’m sure!”, Peter Pettigrew moaned.
“Yep, too much information for your little brain”, Sirius replied, grinning and patted him on his back. Peter’s face was twisted, as if he swallowed a dose of a very bitter medicine.
“Don’t sulk, Wormtail”, Sirius continued, “I’ve failed it too, I’m sure of it. Who cares? The subject isn’t important anyway and with Binns as a teacher...”
“I’m going to pass it”, James said, smiling, “It’s going to be acceptable, I think, but I’ve never liked the subject. How was the exam, girls?’, he asked the three friends who were passing him by.
“Dreadful”, Lily answered.
“Troll”, Terra and Angie said at the same time.
“Cheer up! Who cares about all the rebellions?”, said Remus and winked to Angie.

When students took the Potions exams, Lily and Severus achieved the best results, at least it seemed so, as Frank Longbottom overheard it when he had to call out Professor McGonagall of the teachers’ study; Lily’s two friends weren’t bad at Potions either. After Divination O.W.L s Lily felt she did very poor, but Angela was always outstanding in the subject, so she was the one to be finally proud of herself.
The exam days were passing by quickly and Lily was curious who would be examining them in Defence Against the Dark Arts, knowing the truth about professor Augustus Moody. The Ministry of Magic set the questions for students and when Lily came into the Great Hall and sat on the seat which had been drawn lots by her, it appeared that Professor Flitwick was guarding them so that they couldn’t cheat.
It was the second time Lily could take a glance at Severus during the exams. They had had the Potions exams together so far, and she had noticed that he'd been casting her looks full both of love, longing and anger then. She was still missing him very much, but became more and more angry at him that he didn’t seem to able to apologize her for his lack of trust. What more, she started to feel a bit guilty because she told him that he had behaved like his father. Lily was sure these were cruel words which could make him feel down, so there were times when she wanted to take the quill and parchment and ask him again to meet in the Room of the Requirement to work this problem out, or at least to try to.
Sitting by the table and having Severus rather far away from her, she could concentrate properly on answering the exam questions; they seemed easy and Lily liked the subject, so she started writing. When she finished, it was ten minutes before the end, as she checked the time on her Muggle fake gold watch.
Lily looked around and noticed that Severus was still writing, keeping his head down and stooping, James was sitting straight, relaxed, Angela was still writing, licking her lips in meditation and Terra, who was sitting behind Sirius, was staring at him with longing on her face, though he didn’t notice that. “How come she got such a fine place right behind him? Has she bewitched the piece of parchment with number of a table we drew out of the hat?”, Lily thought again in disbelief.
Professor Flitwick said that the time was up and aimed his wand at the students, saying “Accio!’"and all the parchments flew towards him, making him fall of as he was so small and light. Students laughed and many of them were finally looking relaxed: the exam was over. The hall was filled with loud talk about the questions in the exam and comments about who would get which mark, what was especially difficult: a usual conversation of the excited students after the test, perhaps even more agitated as the exam was really important for many of them.
Lily glanced quickly at Snape, who was standing far away from her, holding his examination paper, apparently checking his answers, being alone. “It’s his favourite subject, I might’ve expected that... But he’s on his own again...”, Lily thought sadly and passed the Marauders, who were discussing the exam animatedly. Then Terra, Angela, Alice, Frank and Hestia joined her, talking loudly about the tenth question: werewolves.
“I don’t know if I mentioned the correct look of their eyes”, Angie was worried, “And I’m not sure about the tail, I mean, I don’t remember if we even had lessons about the werewolves before!”
“I’m sorry to say this but we did”, Lily said, “It was during out third year”.
“Third year!”, snorted Angie, “How am I supposed to remember all this stuff?’
“Moody would say: You should”, Hestia replied, shaking her head, “Who cares about his opinion anyway if he let himself be imperiused?”
“You shouldn’t have said that, Hestia”, Lily said, looking at her in surprise, “You know that there happen powerful wizards under the Imperius curse”.
“So what? It’s rare”, barked Hestia, “And you’re saying this because you’re jealous that I was James’s girlfriend!”
Lily’s jaw dropped, then she started to laugh.
“Oh, Hestia, really... Rare? I’m jealous? Get a grip! I’ve never been Potter’s girlfriend: I don’t want to go out with show-offs. You should think twice before you say something. Not everybody is Potter-obsessed and as much as I pity he dumped you, I have to say that maybe he was right. Paranoia isn’t the best way of living”.
Hestia looked at Lily with fury and left.
“I’m sorry!”, Lily shouted so that she could hear her and then muttered to herself: “I shouldn’t have said that to her... but she sholdn’t have said this to me either. I’ll apologize her later, when she calms down a bit”. Then she glanced at her friends and suggested: “Come on, we’ll sit on the edge of the lake, it’s so hot today!”.
Terra and Angela did as Lily asked them to. The girls took of their socks and put their feet into the lake. The water was nicely cold and it certainly helped to wash off the feeling of tiredness.
“Lily, look what James’s doing with the Snitch!”, Angie said suddenly, pointing her finger at the four Marauders quite near them.


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  #42  
Old November 25th, 2005, 8:43 am
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Part 2: (please leave all your comments here )



Lily turned her head left and saw Potter who was showing his good reflex letting the Snitch fly and then catching it, glancing towards the three girls.
“How come he has the Snitch?”, Terra asked in surprise.
“Oh, maybe he nicked it”, Lily replied.
“Or he conjured one”, added Angie, “He’s good at Transfiguration”.
It wasn’t worth staring at but glancing at Potter once again a minute afterwards, Lily noticed Severus, who was disarmed by one of the boys; it seemed that Impedimenta hex was used on him. It definitely surprised Snape and it looked as if Potter had no good reason to take Severus’s wand away. Then girls saw Potter aiming his wand at Snape and Severus started coughing and spitting something on the ground. Lily couldn’t stand the view of James Potter, who looked like he was having fun, and Sirius Black together with Peter Pettigrew staring at Potter in amusement. Her Severus was bullied and she couldn’t leave it, no matter if they were sulking at each other or not. It was not fair for Severus to create his own spells, having them used by Potter who was bathing in a glory of someone who found such an amusing hex as Levicorpus, stealing Snape’s glory as a creator. Lily simply couldn’t stand the view of Severus being treated like that, when two of the Marauders were having fun of him, while the other two weren’t stopping them and some other students were watching the scene like in a show.
She quickly went closer and told James to leave Severus alone.
James answered that he’d do it for ever if she’d go out with him.
Lily said that she wouldn’t have gone out with him even if there had been a choice between him and the Giant Squid.
Snape was still spitting something bubbling off his mouth and finally managed to find his wand, performing a hex on James. Lily knew it very well. “Sectumsempra”, she thought, “The one I don’t like”. Fortunately, it only cut Potter’s face a bit. Lily shook her head in disbelief. Severus apparently didn’t control himself.
Potter managed to curse Snape quickly, using Snape’s hex, Levicorpus. The boy was turned upside down and his greyish pants were shown as his school robes were hanging on his head.
It was cruel, but Lily almost smiled. She stopped the lip curve in the very last moment. Lily loved him, yes, but the view was funny indeed, whoever it would be. She quickly demanded from Potter to let him down. She started to be even more angry. Severus did wrong, of course, because he hadn’t apologized her before, but what James was doing to him was awful and he deserved being defended even in front of many people, who gathered around to watch the Potter show. Finally Lily forced James to take the curse off Snape.
“-You were lucky Evans was here, Snivellus-“ Potter said.
And then it happened.
“I don’t need help from filthy Mudbloods like her!”, spat Snape.
Lily blinked. How could he, knowing that she hated calling her like this, knowing that she trusted him after all?
So she took vengeance.
“Fine. I won’t bother in future. And I’d wash your pants if I were you, Snivellus”, she said.
She used this nickname on purpose. No Snivelly. No Sev’n’ Lily. Snivellus, that was who he became.
It must have hurt him as much as he hurt her.
James apparently knew how much pain it caused to her, because he yelled:
“Apologize to Evans!”, pointing his wand at Snape.
Lily was in fury. Severus hadn’t apologized her before and it was no way he could apologize her now.
“I don’t want you to make him apologize”, she said coldly, “You’re as bad as he is...”
So now Snape knew. He was bad.
When James shouted out that he would never called Lily a you-know-what, she felt an incredible lack of sympathy for him. Potter was the one who was frequently using Severus’s spell, he was the one who was continually hexing him and bullying him, he was this pretentious and shallow prat she hadn’t noticed at first as a young girl but now she knew he was like this. Was she the only one to notice that?
“Messing up your hair because you think it looks cool to look like you’ve just got off your broomstick, showing off with that stupid Snitch, walking down corridors and hexing anyone who annoys you just because you can – I’m surprised your broomstick can get off the ground with that fat head on it. You make me SICK”, Lily burst and when she had finished her monologue, she turned around and walked away.
James was shouting after her, calling her name, but she didn’t care. It wasn’t Snivellus who was calling her.
She had never expected him calling her a Mudblood. Never in her life had nobody hurt her like that. It was so painful. This wasn’t Severus’s only fault, though, there was more to what he did.
She came into the castle and then walked fast to her dormitory to cry, cry and cry.
“What happened? You look so miserable...”, the Fat Lady asked in surprise.
“None of your business”, Lily barked, “Amor vincit”.
The Fat Lady let her pass but she sulked.
There were few seventh year students in the Gryffindor common room who were busy chatting about the exams.
Lily threw herself on the bed in her dormitory and finally allowed herself to weep.


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  #43  
Old November 27th, 2005, 6:23 pm
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I'm sorry that the part 1 is short, but I simply haven't managed to correct part 2 yet (blame it on the GoF movie!). I'll update it as soon as I can. Please post your comments here


CHAPTER 41: SNAPE AND LILY’S FEELINGS

When Lily’s two friends came back to the dormitory, they saw her lying on the bed, her face in tears.
“I’ve heard what happened”, Angela said quietly, “Remus told me”.
“Remus should’ve stopped Potter”, barked Terra, “Snape had almost no chances to defend himself, that was not fair”.
Angie looked at Terra in surprise and nodded after a while.
“You’re right. He should”.
“I know that Snape called you a Mudblood. How could he?”, Terra spat, “I can’t believe it! You were practising potions together and I thought-“
“You thought wrong, then”, Lily answered quietly and wiped tears off her eyes, which were reddish now but still beautiful, “Girls... can you leave me alone? I’m – I’m very tired, I’d like to catch some sleep”.
“Sure”, Terra said and patted Lily on her hand, “Take a rest. Come on, Angie”.
The girls were at the door when Terra looked back at Lily curled on her bed and said:
“Potter had almost managed to take off Snape’s pants. They hardly covered Snape’s butt when both he and Sirius had their toenails hexed. They have them nearly a size of Hagrid’s. Where the boy’s spells come from I have no idea...”

After the incident with Potter Snape went to the Room of the Requirement, stood in front of the hidden doors and thought: “I want to have a quiet place where nobody can come”.
He went into the room which looked so much different to that decoration it had when he was there with Lily. The walls were soundproof, there weren’t any windows, the walls were black like his mood and there was a fireplace with the fire lit: it was the only light in this room.
Severus sat on the floor, looking depressed and tired.
He felt it may have been the end of their relationship.
“How could I be so stupid?”, he thought bitterly, “I love her so much, I care for her, how could I name her like that? I should have known that Potter was having fun, perhaps he was even provoking me to say something really bad... How could I say this to her?”
Suddenly he noticed that he was staring at his hands and felt strangely, like the hands weren’t his, like his deeds weren't really his and an awful surge of shame, bigger than he had ever felt, surrounded him and he felt sucked in by this, drowned by this...
“I’ve lost her. I’ve lost her because of Potter”, he was thinking, pain in his heart so deep he could hardly stand it, “It’s all his fault. Yes, his fault.”
“Why are you deceiving yourself?”, the second, different person in him spoke, “It was your entire fault, you‘ve made matters worse instead of saying your apologies, you dumb head”.
Severus stood up quickly and started pacing back and forth.
“No, it was this git Potter’s fault!”, something yelled in his head, “If he hadn’t hexed me, if Lily hadn’t seen this... I’d apologize her, I swear!”
“Oh, really?”, the voice jeered, “You weren’t that fast in apologizing, you didn’t even want to listen to her explanations, you idiot! You were drowned in self-pity and fury, you were thinking that she’d taught Potter your spells and what if she didn’t?”Snape kicked the wall and hissed because it hurt. Despite the pain he kicked it again.
“Good boy, punish yourself, that’s a good idea!”, the sneering voice continued, “How is she feeling now, do you have any ideas? Jumping of joy that she came to help you and you called her a you-know-what?”
“It’s all Potter’s fault, Potter’s fault!!!”, Severus shouted and the sound of his words was hollow somehow. Then he laughed madly.
“No, it’s my fault”, he said in a tense voice after a few minutes, “All my fault. I’ve hurt her and as good as she is, she’ll never forget me that”.


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  #44  
Old November 29th, 2005, 8:36 am
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Part 2:


Lily’s eyes were so red with weeping that the shape of the stains on the ceiling she was staring at became more and more blurry the longer she stared at them crying.
She couldn’t forget Severus not only calling her a Mudblood in public. There was more to that.
“How could he offend me in front of the students who were standing there... I know we promised ourselves that our relationship should be kept in secret... And what happened? I’m trying helping him and... didn’t he see that I didn’t want him to be two or even four on one? I risked, I showed I was brave enough to help him, I didn’t care about the Slytherins and Gryffindors stupid, mutual hate, about their opinion and what did he do?
He rejected me.
He simply did.
He used the Sectumsempra spell on James, he couldn’t control himself.
He behaved like a true Slytherin.
He was too afraid of showing his feelings for me, if he had them.
He’s a coward and I am not.
Would he defend me if I were in such a situation?
I wasn’t.
From what I’ve seen lately, I may think he wouldn’t.
A coward, that’s what he is”.
Lily felt slightly better; the conclusion she had just drawn made her feel like that. She sat on her bed and she accidentally set her sight at her wand. She took it in her hand and pointed it at the ceiling, saying: “Reparo”.
The stains disappeared.
Lily sighed deeply and tried to think about the Herbology exam which was going to be the next day.
It was hard, but she was good at Herbology. Yes, she was good at Herbology, and Severus was good at destroying everything.

The rest of exams passed rather quickly, if you didn’t count all the nights which were extremely hard to sleep for both Lily and Snape. As they were very good students learning much before the O.W.L.s, their problems didn’t seem to influence the exam results.
James wasn’t speaking to Lily and she wasn’t speaking to him. Severus didn’t contact Lily till the end of the exams. When the students were finally allowed to go home, Snape took a quill and wrote a short note to Lily:
Meet me in the Room of the Requirement. Please.
He couldn’t stand the tension.
Lily had been waiting for him to contact her and when he finally made the first step, she knew she had to meet him to clarify some things.
“Where are you going, Lily?”, asked Terra, having seen that Lily read a note and then wrote something in return, “Has he finally contacted you?”
“Yes, he has”, Lily sighed, “It won’t be an easy conversation. Actually I have a request for you-“
Terra looked at Lily’s pale face and said deliberately:
“I’m afraid I can’t say no, you look like half-dead already”.
“That’s how I feel”, Lily admitted, “Don’t tell Angie about Severus and me, OK?”.
“Sure”, Terra nodded, “I think she wouldn’t understand why you both fell in love with yourselves”.
“Fine”, Lily smiled slightly, her face much more paler than usual.
While she was walking to the room, she met professor Slughorn in front of his office, chatting to Narcissa, who seemed to be positively moved about something.
“Lily, m’dear!”, Slughorn smiled; his smile hid in his walrus-like moustache, though, “May I ask you to come here for a while?”
“Yes, sir, certainly”, Lily nodded and came closer, trying to omit Narcissa’s pale look.
“We both look like drowned now”, she thought bitterly and curled her lips in a faint, cross smile for a moment.
“I’ve been talking to Narcissa how proud I am of Lucius Malfoy, who is- as you may know-her boyfriend –“
“And also a future husband”, Narcissa intervened, smiling proudly, her head held high.
“Enchanting”, Lily answered in a flat voice.
“It would be great if you could continue laerning advanced potion-making, m’girl”, Slughorn continued, seeming not to notice the lack of sympathy between the two girls, “If you can find some time during holiday... think more about your new inventions. I promise you that I will try to push you further... you deserve a career, yes, you do...”
“Thank you, Professor”, Lily answered, “I’m so tired of those exams but I’ll see what I can do – no matter if I’m promised a future career or not”.
Slughorn looked at her a bit abashed, then grinned and patted her on her back:
“A clever answer, Lily! You have a natural talent which many lack and what more, you really enjoy potion-making! Well, I won’t be bothering you longer, you were going somewhere before I had interrupted you... Go, have fun, relax: all you, students deserve it now”.
“Good bye, professor”, Lily said and turned back, her red hair flashing in a candle light.
“Yep. Have fun. Relax. That’s what I’m not going to have in a few minutes”, she thought bitterly and left.


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  #45  
Old December 1st, 2005, 10:47 am
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I'm going to divide the chapter in 2 parts again. Remember, my newest installment isn't the end of the chapter! leave your comments here , please.

CHAPTER 42: THE END OF THE BEGINNING


Lily came into the place where she used to meet Severus.
The room changed again. It was dark and you couldn’t feel happy mood there. The one positive thing in all its decorations was a lit fire. It looked as the sparkles in it were the only accents which could give you a feeling of hope.
Severus was leaning on the dark graphite wall.
“I’d rather this place become more cheerful, otherwise I’ll go even more depressed”, Lily said and pointed her wand at the walls, “Colorem mutate!”
The walls became violet.
“That’s better”, she said and looked straight at Severus, who was as pale as she was and his eyes were burning strangely.
“Lily”, he said and his voice sounded as if it was very hard for him to speak her name.
“Yes, that’s what my name is. Glad you’ve reminded that. My parents didn’t give me the “Mudblood” name - you see, it sounds as bad as Lily sounds nice”.
Snape spoke and there was something wrong with his voice now.
“As if his throat was dry”, Lily thought when he started to speak:
“I – I know you are angry. I have expected that”.
“You’ve expected well then”, Lily nodded and shook his head dangerously.
" I... I just didn’t want to ask you for meeting earlier because... I didn’t know how to explain my thoughtless behaviour...”, his voice shook.
“You showed me the trick with Snivelly nickname once, do you remember?”.
“Sure”, Severus answered, his fists clenched so that his knuckles became white, ‘It was one of my ways of surviving at this school”.
Lily knew that what she was intending to say would hurt him, but she couldn’t keep it no longer inside.
“Well, sometimes one deed can spoil everything... ‘Sev’n’Lily’, you said, ‘Write this and I’ll help you’. You see?”, she took the wand out of her pocket and waved as if she was writing in the air; burning letters shaped in “Sev’n’Lily” appeared.
“Would the enchanted quill work if I subtracted one letter? Would it work if I wrote like this?”, Lily asked, and waved her wand saying “Evanesco!”. The writing was shaped in ”Sev’n’ily” now. She knew what Severus’s answer would be.
“No, it wouldn’t”.
Lily waved her wand once again, “Now it makes “Snively’, see? This is what it makes when you subtract one letter from it. It isn’t your awful nickname now. There’s a mistake in it. There was a mistake – or I should say mistakes – in our relationship”.


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  #46  
Old December 3rd, 2005, 10:45 am
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Re: Snively

Snape drooped his head.
“In fact I wanted to apologize you. I know I did wrong, I know I hurt you. I shouldn’t have called you like I’d said. I was stupid”, he said quietly.
“Everything’s correct until now”, Lily said, “I’d have some more things to add”.
“Go on”, he said and Lily realized they both knew what she was going to do.
“Listen to me, Severus”, she stood in front of him, looking straight into his eyes, “Do you know what hurts me the most? That you were a coward, yeah, that’s who you were! Why did you treat me like this when I was trying to help you, to save you from humiliation? You rejected me, yes, you did! I took a risk, I didn’t care if Gryffindors or Slytherins would have finally learnt about our relationship, I simply didn’t care! But you- your pride will lose you. Wee you too unwilling to show everybody that you’re meeting the Mudblood? “
Severus looked as if she broke his heart.
“That’s not true”, he replied quietly, “I couldn’t stand the humiliation and it was even more humiliating-“
“No, it wasn’t”, Lily said quietly, “I was trying to defend you, why do you think I was humiliating you? I was showing you sympathy, standing between you and Potter, wanting him to stop! Tell me: was it too good for you? Would you like it to be like in your home? Should I have sat by the lake, watched, shouldn’t I have reacted at all? Should I have acted like your mother, pretending that everything was OK? Once you told me you had never liked her behaving like that! Why didn’t you trust me when I told you that Potter wasn’t worth attention? ”.
Severus was staring at her with his black eyes wide open. He was touched very much, he was breathing heavily, having tears in his eyes.
They were standing like this for about a minute and then he whispered in a shaky voice:
“Lily, please, try to forgive me... I’m so sorry. I was blind”.
She came closer: “I can’t see a successful relationship without trust”.
“Forgive me”, Severus looked at her, pleading, “Please”.
Lily looked at his sallow face in the candle light. He looked sick, crushed as if he finally, truly understood what he had done. Her heart was in pain when she looked at him like that. She loved him. She felt sorry for him, felt sorry for what she had to say.
“I may try. I...I like you very much, I can’t help it. I understand why you did that but it doesn’t mean I can approve it”, she answered quietly, coming closer; she kissed him tenderly on his lips, “Don’t contact me during summer, please. I’ll write to you when I’m ready to meet you. It still hurts a lot”.
Slowly she turned back.
“At least you haven’t used the Felix Felicis potion. You’ve played fair today”, she smiled slightly and left, gently slamming the door.
As far as she quietly left, Severus started to cry.

He couldn’t believe that it was the end.
He had not realised he was so deeply in love, he had been trying to fight it and now he knew he wasn’t able to – not at all.
Her words were very harsh but she judged him right. A coward, that’s who he was. It was so painful to be named like this. He should have thought twice before doing something. He shouldn’t have become so furious that day. He should have controlled himself, he should have taken it easy. Lily wanted to help, she showed she cared, she wasn’t afraid of her fellow housemates. He did the most stupid thing, allowing his anger to blind him completely, to misunderstand everything, both stolen hexes and Lily’s deed.
“I have no idea how I will live without her”, he thought and touched his lips which were kissed goodbye by her, “I would do anything to be with her”, he thought, weeping.
Severus noticed how his feelings changed. In spite of all these hurting comments she said, there wasn’t anger at her in him anymore as it had been some weeks before. Lily had a key to his heart, she was able to push his buttons so that they could work in a proper direction. He knew this. Snape knew that anger at him, allowing himself to fall in love was not relevant any more.
“I should learn how to control myself”, he said to himself. His long hair, which was covering his cheeks, was wet of tears now, “I love her so much. Come back to me, Lily, I’m begging you...”.

Students were coming home.
They were afraid of coming back; there were many nasty murders and disappearings during last term. A few of them were in fact not returning to their houses, but to the houses of their other living relatives, who promised to take care of them because their parents or siblings had died. It wasn’t a happy return, of course except certain Slytherins, who were glad to join the Death Eaters soon.
Lily was patrolling corridors together with Remus Lupin. They passed the Slytherin compartment where Lily noticed her biggest enemies, Narcissa, Bellatrix, Avery, Rabastan and Rodolphus chatting and smiling broadly. Severus was standing in the corridor looking distractedly at the changing landscape outside. When he noticed Lily and Remus, he nodded towards Lily and she nodded back.
“Hi, Lily”, he said, his face expression unfathomable.
“Hi, Severus”, she smiled.
“James’s sorry for what he did”, Lupin whispered, when they left the Slytherin compartment.
“Nah, I don’t believe it”, said Lily sharply, “They’re only empty words. He’d have to prove it”.
All the students in compartments were behaving quieter than ever, as if they didn’t want to know who and what they will meet after getting out of the train.
“It was an awful year for those who had the courage to resist You-Know-Who”, Remus said in a sad voice.
“Yes, it was”, Lily nodded, “But as long as you have friends, you’ll survive everything”, she winked and Remus smiled with understanding.
“Wise words, Prefect”, he replied, “You rule”.


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Check out my fanfiction about Lily, Snape and the Marauders here
It was written shortly after HBP and there are lots of events predicted!
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  #47  
Old December 5th, 2005, 12:29 pm
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Re: Snively

Please be nice and put your comments here
There are going to be 2 parts of the chapter. Here comes part 1:

CHAPTER 43: EPILOGUE: SIXTH AND SEVENTH YEAR

Lily had a lot of time to think about all the events what had happened during the fifth year at Hogwarts, staying for two months at her grandmother’s cottage house. While helping her in the garden, sunbathing by the lake and having fun with her old friends who were living there she managed to cure her broken heart a bit.
It seemed that Severus wasn’t a boyfriend for her. In spite of all his good features of character, and he had many of them, she was too much afraid of the possibility of disappointing her, as his girlfriend, again. Lily still loved him, but it started to be a different kind of love than it had been during their fifth year.. She decided not to contact him during those holidays, let her heart cure. It was difficult, though; Severus was her soft spot, he was her friend, she knew why he did what he did, but she couldn’t forget it.
She met him accidentally in the Spinner’s End four days before departure to Hogwarts and she agreed to sit on a bench by the river and talk. They both were looking unusual, compared to the wizarding style at Hogwarts; both of them were wearing Muggle clothes as they always used to do so that they wouldn’t look weird. Lily watched Snape’s new outfit: a black T-shirt, black jeans and black boots and grinned:
“You’re so different... we both look different in our Muggle clothes”.
“We do”, Severus smiled back and pointed his hand at the bench, “Shall we sit?”
“Sure”, she agreed.
The wind was blowing, Lily’s hair was streaming, so was Severus’s. He looked at her with tension on his face.
“I’ve missed you”, he told quietly, “So much...”
“I’ve missed you too”, she whispered and took his hand softly, “But I don’t think it will work, at least not now”.
Severus looked as if the whole world had just tumbled down for him. He had tears in his eyes for the second time in Lily’s presence.
“I was hoping...”, he whispered.
“I was hoping too, Severus”, Lily was still keeping her hand in his hand, “I can’t come back to you at present, that’s what I’ve figured out so far. I’m tired of this, I really am. But I’d like you to be my friend very much”.
“Only a friend?”, Snape’s voice was broken, “Only?”
“Only a friend or a friend all the way”, she answered gently, “Please, understand me”.
“I’ll try”, he said sadly, “But don’t expect me to give up, because I won’t”, he kissed her on her cheek tenderly and rested his head on her shouder. Lily let him stay like this for a while, then she looked straight at him. Their eyes were misty. They couldn’t resist: their breathing became heavier and then they kissed.
It was a long, passionate kiss. It seemed like they both were waiting for it for ages; after that Severus put his hand on Lily’s head and gently stroke her.
“Thank you”, he said.
“Not at all”, Lily smiled dreamily, her cheeks still flushing, “I wanted it very much, I’ve been missing that.... but I can't change my mind”, she said and quickly went away.
Severus stayed, still sitting on the bench. He looked at the river.
“You gave me hope”, he whispered.

Sixth year at Hogwarts meant learning hard but you could choose your favourite subjects and study only them; that was something that Lily liked. She was still having Potions lessons with Severus; in fact there were ten students who achieved “Exceeds Expectations” mark in their O.W.L. exams and chose to continue further studying this subject, including Frank and Alice Longbottom, Hestia Jones, Narcissa and Barty Crouch Jr.
What hit Lily’s eyes from the very start was the fact that James Potter stopped showing off every time he saw a girl passing by. In fact, he seemed to stop even messing up his hair! There were times when he couldn’t resist to show off a little and hex someone, but it wasn’t so cruel as it used to be sometimes. Remus Lupin told her in secret that James took Lily’s words she had shouted out at him while he had been bullying Snape deep to his heart knowing she had been right about him.
Lily didn’t meet Severus in the Room of the Requirement, but she was very friendly to him during their Potions lessons with Slughorn. Sometimes she was brewing Potions with him after lessons, but she didn't change her mind and treated Severus like a friend.
When October started, Lily got a terrible news: her parents were found murdered in her house and her sister Petunia was the one who survived only because she was on a school trip that time. There was a Dark Mark above the Evanses house and there was an article about the killing in “The Daily Prophet”, where you could read that the Muggle police had no idea what had really happened, as Muggles weren’t able to see the mark and Avada Kedavra spell hadn’t left any marks. Lily was in shock; she had to leave Hogwarts for three weeks and go to the funeral. When she got home in the Spinner’s End street, Petunia announced her that she had engaged with a boy from the same school she attended, called Vernon and when Vernon had told his parents about the murder and the engagement, they had stated that Petunia had been allowed to live with them until the wedding which would have taken part the following year in August.


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  #48  
Old December 8th, 2005, 9:50 am
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Lily was thinking about who and why used the Avada Kedavra curse on her parents and came to the conclusion that it might have been random Death Eaters who hated Mudbloods or revenge of some Slytherins who hated her as well: they might have suggested their parents or mates to kill the Evans family to let Lily suffer. She had no proof but the second thought made her stronger; she was trying to hide the fact that she had a nervous breakdown for few months.
She promised herself that when she would finish her education, she would do everything to stop the cruel, savage murders.
Lily’s two friends, Angela and Terra did everything to cheer her up. Severus Snape asked her for meeting in the Room of the Requirement and she agreed. He was trying to comfort her, saying that at least she had had great, loving parents who secured love and a fine childhood for her. He was still loving Lily and his heart was broken when he was looking at this pale red-haired girl who had been slim at first and now became skinny, always trying not to show how much she suffered. He didn’t want to ask her to change her mind about their relationship; he knew that he shouldn’t, she had suffered enough.
James Potter and his mates were showing Lily lots of sympathy, trying to distract her attention from the murder, joking and taking her with them to their hidden places when they used to sneak out at night. Lily was positively surprised when James, Sirius and Peter showed her that they became Animagi, being able to stay with ill Lupin in the Shrieking Shack when he was ill, transforming into a werewolf. She didn’t even insist on registering their achievements in the Ministry of Magic: being an unregistered Animagus could be much help in the dangerous times they were living.
By the end of the schoolyear there was an infamous accident which made Sirius Black earn a long-lasting, frequent detentions. He wanted to bully Snape a bit, as he hated him very much, so he lured him to the Shrieking Shack when Remus became a transformed werewolf. It was very cruel and stupid of him to do and it could have cost Severus’s life so when James learnt about it, he sprung straight to the shack to take Snape out of there and in fact saved his life.
Severus was hurt by this fact as he had never been hurt before by the Marauders. He was held up to ridicule again, his life was seriously endangered, his biggest enemy was praised afterwards by professor Dumbledore; Potter saving Snape’s life created a magical bond between them, which meant that Snape owed him something in return.
His hatred towards the Marauders became even more mutual and festering. So he was worth to kill? What was all this babbling about good and evil when Sirius Black was a “good” Gryffindor and Potter- a hero and he- an oddball and a slimy git just because he wasn’t the most handsome, popular and was interested in the Dark Arts? What more, professor Dumbledore asked Severus not to tell about the infamous event to anybody.
Lily learnt about what had happened because Remus Lupin told her about it.The incident caused Lily’s change towards James Potter in a way: she admitted that she was wrong about him and that he changed for better. Slowly her sympathy to him was increasing and you could notice that Potter was staring at her with a look of love in his eyes when he thought that nobody was watching.
Lily was invited to her grandmother’s house during the holiday time and stayed there all summer; she took all moving, magical photos she had to show them to her grandma who had never seen such a miracle before. She left one of them to her; there was Octavia, Arnold, Lily and Petunia in the garden in autumn, smiling to the camera: Petunia stood a bit further than Lily, looking as if she didn’t want this picture to be taken, a sullen look on her face, but it was still a family picture.

Seventh year was extremely important: the students had their last exams, N. E. W. T s and it was about time to choose their future jobs. Lily wanted to stay a healer or an Auror.
She still liked Severus very much, she adored his cool, intellectual mind and surprises that each conversation brought, she forgave him the incident in their fifth year, but it was clear that she became close to the Marauders, especially James, in her sixth year. Severus had Slytherin mates who appreciated his knowledge too; he sometimes could be seen hanging out with Regulus Black and some other Slytherins. It seemed that he finally became more social.
Lily felt that there was something more between her and James; he wasn’t this childish, showing-off fool he used to be few years ago. It so happened that she finally fell in love with him, just like she felt when she was a twelve and thirteen-year-old girl. He seemed to stop hexing Snape and he treated her like a princess. Actually they understood themselves without words and James was often laughing at himself what an idiot he was and how silly he had behaved. Lily noticed that she influenced James’s personality and changed him into a better person; it was something that she couldn’t fully achieve with Severus. She believed that James stopped teasing Snape.
Severus was still in love with Lily and he quickly understood that there was something really important between Lily and Potter. He became the one who was hexing and cursing Potter first; actually James couldn’t resist the temptation and still was paying him back; sometimes he was provoking Snape to curse him or even was hexing him first when Lily wasn’t near him. It was love that caused James’s behaviour during the seventh year; at first he had hexed Snape for the fun of it and because of jealousy, then he did that because he was still jealous of Snape, whom Lily liked and James couldn’t omit a chance to pay him off.
When Snape found out that Lily was going out with Potter, his love for her was mixed with hate. He had been trying to be on the good side even when Potter saving him from a werewolf humiliated him. Severus couldn’t stand the fact that Lily was a girlfriend of somebody who hated him just because he existed; he couldn’t stand the thought about potter touching her, sharing her thoughts. It was the worst choice Lily could have made, belonging to Potter, but he still hoped that the Potter-git will mess something up in their relationship and that it would cause Lily to come back to Severus. After they finished their education at Hogwarts, Lily and Snape were still in contact from time to time; she was a member of the Order of the Phoenix, to help to defeat Lord Voldemort and he decided to became one too, hoping to stay close to her and that either James would finally make a mistake or Lily will change her mind and choose Severus instead of Potter.
When he learnt that she was going to marry Potter, his heart was bleeding: that was the last straw. He joined the Death Eaters. Finally somebody else except Lily appreciated him and his knowledge.

He forgot about Professor Dumbledore.


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  #49  
Old December 11th, 2005, 10:33 am
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Re: Snively

I'm going to divide the next part again... Can you leave your comments here


CHAPTER 44: EPILOGUE- THE DEATH EATER AND POST- DEATH EATER DAYS

It was no chance to make Lily Snape’s and such ideas as the Felix Felicis potion or Amortentia weren’t means by which Severus would like to achieve what he desired the most. He kept lying to himself that joining the Death Eaters was a reasonable and good idea, but deep inside his heart he knew that it might have been a huge mistake. So far he had been enjoying some respect from his allies’ side, but it wasn’t as satisfying and true as was his friendship with Lily. The Death Eaters huge group consisted of cruel people or frightened members doing things against their will. What the Dark Lord achieved, was done by manipulating: when Severus realized that, it was too late.
Lily was very sad when she found out that Severus joined the Death Eaters.
She knew that one of the reasons that he became a member of the evil force was the fact that she had married James Potter and she felt guilty to a certain degree.
She was in the Order of the Phoenix to help Professor Dumbledore to fight Lord Voldemort, who killed not only her parents, but also innocent people and deserved to be dead. It was heartbreaking that Severus decided to join them.
In the meantime, one day, Snape went to the Hog’s Head bar. He was there to be interviewed by Professor Dumbledore; Severus was searching for a job at Hogwarts, doing Voldemort’s orders. There were rooms upstairs and he noticed that the headmaster came into one of them to meet somebody. He stood by the door and overheard a prophecy given by a woman. When he was overhearing, a Hog’s Head barman caught him and Albus Dumbledore was informed what Severus had just done. Snape didn’t get the job then.
Snape told his master the first part of the prophecy, which was saying that the one with the power to overcome Lord Voldemort approached. It was also pointing out that it would be the one whose parents defied him three times and who would be born as the seventh month died.
Lord Voldemort took Snape’s words very seriously, being afraid of the possibility of destroying him.
Terra Shacklebolt was murdered because she didn’t agree to be Lord Voldemort’s ally.
Peter Pettigrew became a Death Eater and Voldemort’s spy but Severus didn’t know about it.
When it occurred that Lily bore a baby by the end of July and that Voldemort had an idea to kill either her child or Alice Longbottom’s kid, Severus knew that he had done the biggest mistake in his life by repeating the prophecy to his master. He knew that telling Voldemort about the prophecy meant that somebody would be killed and it was highly possible that the Dark Lord would kill even both children. His remorse and despair were so intense that he decided to beg Professor Dumbledore to accept him as a member of the Order of the Phoenix.
He came to the Headmaster’s office one day and explained what he had caused, crying. He confessed that he had loved Lily since he was a teenager till now as much as he hated James Potter. Professor Dumbledore needed a proof, so Severus allowed him to extract some memories of his and put them into the Pensieve, which allowed the Headmaster to see what really was inside Snape’s head. He saw young Severus and Lily when they were brewing potions together, then he saw him telling her he loved her; also Snape showed him how he had hurt her, when he hadn’t allowed her to explain events with the Potions book and when she had been defending him and he had called her a Mudblood. Severus also extracted his memory about his reaction when he learned that Lily was going to marry James. The last memory he showed Dumbledore was the night when he learnt that Voldemort chose two kids for a possible murder.


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  #50  
Old December 14th, 2005, 12:45 pm
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Before I post the second part, I owe an explanation to you.
At first I intended to finish the story with the end of Snape and Lily closer relationship (I mean the holiday scene), but readers convinced me to write more and I agreed, that's why the different style of writing (it's a continuation without dialogues). I'm going to write few more chapters about Snape and Harry at Hogwarts and what really could happen then.


Part 2:


The Headmaster believed him and Snape asked Dumbledore if he would agree to become his spy on Lord Voldemort; Dumbledore agreed, promising him teaching Occlumency so that the Dark Lord didn’t know about the betrayal.
Severus asked if the Headmaster had possibility to protect the Potters family and if there was a possibility to organize meeting with Lily at Hogwarts.
Professor Dumbledore agreed and gave Severus a job as a Potions teacher at Hogwarts.
Dumbledore helped the Potters to hide well and arrived to Hogwarts with Lily on a September day. He left them alone in his office.
Lily came in with a baby in her arms. Severus had tears in his eyes and couldn’t help them, explaining her that he had done a terrible mistake; in fact all his life was a mistake, except the moments he had spent with her. He was kissing her hands, begging her for forgiveness, telling that he would do anything to save her life.
Deep inside his heart he was still hating James Potter, feeling that it had been good for him if his enemy and Lily’s husband died, but at the same time he couldn’t stand the fact that it would have been a tragedy for Lily and he didn’t want her to suffer more.
Lily forgave him and said it was her partial fault that he had joined the Death Eaters. Snape couldn’t take his eyes off her, she was so beautiful. What hurt him was that she seemed happy to have a child with Potter.
Lily told James about the prophecy, Snape’s mistake and his remorse. James couldn’t forgive the Headmaster to give a job to the traitor Snape and he didn’t want Dumbledore as their Secret Keeper.
Peter Pettigrew became a Secret Keeper of the Potters in the very last moment. He was extremely glad that he was able to tell his master that he knew where the Potters were hidden. They still considered him a true friend.
Angela Burbank got married and left to Australia.
Lord Voldemort chose to kill Harry Potter and his father, also decided to give Lily a chance to live.
She didn’t take the chance and died, protecting her son. She didn’t use the quill that Severus had given her, not wanting to endanger him.
Her son was more than one year old then.
When Snape realized what had happened, you could not see the end of his despair. He left the school for a few weeks and his life was a nightmare then.
She died, she rejected the possibility of living, she rejected him again. She chose the Potter’s kid. It was killing him. He was so crazy about her, for her he would do everything. She bore a child to his biggest enemy and the child had a power that the Dark Lord knew not.
But also she had forgiven Severus. She was unusual: an extremely good woman.
He knew he would love her forever as there was no other woman in his life.
The pain he felt was unbearable.
He knew that he had to take vengeance on Lord Voldemort who didn’t die that day when he tried to kill Harry. Snape didn’t believe his old master dead; he must have done something to prevent his death.


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  #51  
Old December 17th, 2005, 3:19 pm
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Chapter 45: TEACHING AT HOGWARTS: HARRY POTTER’S FIRST AND SECOND YEAR (part 1)

Many years passed by...
Severus Snape wasn’t the same man after Lily’s death.
He wasn’t old but he felt like this. He had seen too much, he had suffered too much, his life hadn’t been the same ever since.
Severus became more bitter, full of anger towards people who were so trivial, living their lives peacefully, having no idea what life could bring. They were so naive. Snape knew what life was, he knew its flaws. They were as bitter as he was. He was simply following the pattern. He didn’t know other flaws except the exceptional, special sweet flaw Lily had allowed him to taste once. He knew it wasn’t going to happen anymore.
Harry Potter, James and Lily’s son arrived at Hogwarts and was to start his first day at this school.
Severus Snape, the Potions master, was sitting on a chair, taking part in a feast. He knew perfectly well that the boy would become a student that year.
Here he was! Severus’s heart was pumping fast. It was such a big disappointment. He felt as if James Potter slapped him on his face.
He wasn’t expecting this. Or perhaps he was: almost always life had brought him the worst.
Severus couldn’t stand this; Lily’s child looked exactly like James Potter and had only her eyes. It was so painful: Lily chose Potter instead of Snape and gave birth to a boy, every father’s dream, looking exactly like his father. Lily fulfilled James’s dreams, but James was dead now and so was she.

It was like James’s resurrection.

He had to teach him... he hated the Potter kid since he set his eyes on him. He couldn’t help it, simply couldn’t. The kid was an alive replica of his biggest foe.
It seemed that Potter was as popular as his father; everybody who didn’t know who the kid was, found out when the Sorting Hat shouted out loud his name. Soon the hall was filled with excited whispers. Everybody was staring at the boy.
“I expect he has a lot of fun”, Severus thought, looking at the boy through squinted eyes, “Like a father, like a son”.
Harry was sorted to Gryffindor.
Snape simply hated the kid who took Lily from him. She sacrificed her life to save the boy, who was looking exactly like this pathetic James Potter.
“He even behaves like his father”, Severus assumed, standing in his classroom during the first Potions lesson with first-year Gryffindors, “He does not pay attention, scribbling something on a piece of parchment. It is the high time I showed him who is the most important person here”.
And so he did, but it didn’t help. He was strangely tempted to bully this particular student when he had only a single, small reason for that.
Potter obviously didn’t like him. “I can live with that”, Snape was thinking maliciously, “Little James”.
There were times when he imagined himself with Lily, having a happy family, having their own son. Every time Severus was looking at Harry Potter, the boy was a live reminder of what he could have had and what he didn’t have but still wanted it more than anything else in his life.


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  #52  
Old December 20th, 2005, 12:13 pm
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“Ah- there is something I wish as much as life with Lily... To destroy the Dark Lord. He survived, he is alive somewhere, but he is weak. I cannot let him survive. No more. Lily’s death was anything but my fault. It was me, together with Potter and Black who caused her death. Potter should have listened when Dumbledore offered to be their Secret Keeper. I hate James Potter with all my heart”.
In the meantime Harry Potter became the youngest Quidditch player for many years. It only confirmed what Severus suspected: the boy was James Potter’s copy. Where was Lily’s brilliance at Potions? No, he didn’t inherit that, he was like his father.
Severus helped this boy, though; his life was threatened when Professor Quirell was hexing Potter’s broomstick so that Harry would have died falling down. He owed it to Lily; the boy had her eyes. Snape tended not to notice them, though; what for? Harry was like James.
Potter was a good player, but who cared about such abilities. They didn’t require using your brain.
Harry Potter was wrong about him, of course. Snape didn’t allow professor Quirell to steal the Sorcerer’s Stone for Lord Voldemort, who possessed Quirell’s body but the boy seemed not to trust him. It hurt. It was Lily’s son, after all.
The second year of Harry’s education came and Severus still feel hatred. There were rumours that the boy opened the Chamber of Secrets and that he was a heir of Slytherin. Severus knew that these were silly accusations, but what could he do about it? Nothing. He, himself, was being accused by many people who kept saying that his remorse and switching sides to be a supporter od the Headmaster wasn’t genuine. What did they know? Nothing, and Snape didn’t allow anybody to find out the reason why he had left the Death Eaters. It was all too painful.
He simply couldn’t stop these bitter thoughts about James Potter and his son, who both took Lily from him.
The boy showed an interesting ability: he was speaking in Parseltongue, something that the Dark Lord could do.
He was still famous; everybody knew him. Snape didn’t particularly bother to stop using Legilimency on him to know what was going on inside his head. He sometimes allowed himself to enter Harry’s mind. The most often he found waves of hatred towards his Potions master, that’s what he could feel. It was interesting, to tease the replica of James.
When the school was about to close, Potter saved Ginny Weasley, a little schoolgirl who was posessed by the heir of Slytherin. He was amazed but still said nothing. The deed made Potter even more famous again and all people’s attention was concentrated on him. Snape thought that what Potter did was brave but also stupid: you shouldn’t play the Dark magic you know nothing about, and Potter knew nothing about the subject indeed.
Severus together with Professor Dumbledore were suspecting that the diary which was destroyed by Harry was something dangerous. They both suspected that the Dark Lord closed his soul in some objects, so that he had a place to live after the killing of his mortal body. The diary might have been a way to survive; it meant killing innocent people by Voldemort to store his soul into the object.


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  #53  
Old December 23rd, 2005, 2:25 pm
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Chapter 46: TEACHING AT HOGWARTS: HARRY POTTER’S THIRD YEAR (part 1)

The third year of Harry’s eduaction came and everybody was speaking about him again. Sirius Black, Potter’s godfather, was on the loose. He escaped from the wizard’s prison, Azkaban and nobody knew how it happened. People were saying that Black wanted to kill Harry.
Snape hated Sirius because he was the one who had been bullying him when Severus was a teenager at Hogwarts. Black was also known as a Secret Keeper of the Potters and a traitor. James Potter had been so arrogant to refuse Professor Dumbledore who had offered to be the Secret Keeper, and chosen his fake friend instead. Severus hoped that Black would come to Hogwarts to kill Harry and that he, Snape, would catch him before and hand him over to Dementors to suck his soul out. It would be vengeance! This guy made Lily dead!
The Headmaster employed Remus Lupin as a Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. Snape knew that he wasn’t allowed to teach his favourite subject because Professor Dumbledore needed him and the job was cursed; so far nobody had been able to come back to teaching the subject after he had taken the post. It was a good excuse for everybody to allow Severus to teach only Potions: Snape must have kept his cover to the former Death Eaters, pretending that in Dumbledore's opinion the Defence Against the Dark Arts job would bring out the worst of Snape.
Remus Lupin was like another smack in the face. He reminded Severus about the Marauders and how Lupin had done nothing to stop his mates from bullying the Slytherin. Professor Dumbledore asked Snape if he could brew the Wolfsbane Potion for Lupin, so that he could teach students without any danger of transformation into a werewolf. Severus agreed, but it wasn’t easy. Lupin seemed grateful for the potion and no wonder: not many potion makers were able to brew it, Remus was happy to have Snape close at hand.
In the meantime Potter was breaking school rules as usual. He didn’t have the permission to visit Hogsmeade village but he was seen there. Severus suspected that he sneaked out to the village using a trick; perhaps it was the Invisibility Cloak. Again, it was a very stupid and thoughtless thing to do: Black could kill him in every moment.
The boy seemed to have a problem with fighting Dementors, who were ordered to guard the castle; it was widely known that every time they were close, Potter fainted. Snape knew that Dementors were feeding every single happy thought that people had; this Potter boy obviously had not much of them, allowing the dark creatures to weaken him so easily. He, Severus, managed to fight their influence: he still had in mind his happy memories with Lily and him during their fifth and a part of sixth year as students; he felt a bit of comfort because she had forgiven him all his mistakes. In fact, Snape was still treasuring these moments as something the worthiest and the most beautiful in his life. Furthermore, he knew much more efficient methods of repelling Dementors than the Patronus charm which Lupin was teaching.
He noticed that perhaps Harry’s life wasn’t as happy as he might think at first. Yes, Potter achieved lots of attention and it was always something that a very young Severus didn’t have at all or had it in a bad understanding of this word, being bullied as a weaker one. The boy didn’t like his teacher at all, Snape could feel these waves of hatred in Harry’s brain; Potter didn’t appreciate Severus’s abilities, he had him for nothing, he didn’t trust him, he was repulsed by him and it hurt, Snape didn’t allow himself to admit that it hurt, though.
The Potion master had to endure Lupin’s presence at Hogwarts, what was constantly reminding him that he could have died young, when Black cheated on him, causing Snape to go to the Shrieking Shack, being almost killed by Lupin in his werewolf form and James Potter who stopped this cruel prank. Remus Lupin was also a reminder of the bond that Severus had with James Potter who “saved his life”.


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  #54  
Old December 27th, 2005, 10:01 am
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Re: Snively

Part 2:

“What a hero!”, Snape was thinking maliciously, “How could he even allow this to happen? What a great achievement, first letting your friends hunt you and then saving your life prodigiously. He was saving their butts... A piece of dung! Not only did he take Lily away from me, he had to ‘save’ my life too!”
Harry Potter quickly got to like the werewolf. No wonder. Like a father, like a son...
Sirius Black appeared in the castle and it was clear that he attempted to kill Harry. Although Snape had always been suggesting that Potter should have been expelled from the school, deep down inside he knew that the Headmaster wouldn’t have allowed to expell this particular student. Particular, just as his father appeared to be. What was particular in the boy except that the Dark Lord chose him? He could have chosen at least one another boy...
Black’s attempt made Severus worry about Potter, though. He was Lily’s son in spite of all this.
Snape found out that Potter got a map which the Marauders had used when they had been students at Hogwarts. This map showed where everybody in the castle had been staying recently, and he suspected that Lupin gave it to Harry. In fact, the map, which Severus managed to catch, started offending him from the very start he put his hands on it. “What a wonderful reminder of my teenage years”, Snape was thinking, “Fortunately two of the manufacturers are already dead. And I’m asked to brew a potion for another one who could have easily killed me!”.
One day Severus went to give the Wolfsbane potion to Lupin and noticed him in Hogwarts grounds. He should have taken his potion immediately! It appeared that Lupin went to the Shrieking Shack, meeting Black, Potter and his two friends there. It was the highest time to take vengeance on Black and hand him over to the Dementors. It was also the time to take Potter and his friends back; Black and the werewolf could easily kill the trio.
When he arrived into the shack, he saw Black with Lupin, talking animatedly to the three friends. Oh, how he was glad to take vengeance on the traitor of Lily finally!
“Vengeance is very sweet”, he told them, “How I hoped I would be the one to catch you...”
Lupin said something about Snape being fooled again as it was during his school days. Snape didn’t want to listen to their fake proofs. Potter kept offending him that he didn’t want to listen to them just because they both made a fool of him at school. What could the kid know? Ridiculous!
Harry Potter dared to disarm and stun him together with his friends. When he woke up, he handed up Black to the Headmaster. The dementors were going to perform their kiss on the traitor Black.
Something went wrong, though; the Headmaster must have helped in a way because Black escaped and was still alive. It made Severus so furious and blinded with rage that it seemed everybody was surprised. If only they knew...
Snape hated Potter even more since then. He stopped the possibility of vengeance he was dreaming for such a long time; Black was his enemy, he allowed Snape to die, so why Severus shouldn’t have allowed his foe to die? In fact, afterwards it appeared that Peter Pettigrew was the traitor of the Potters, pretending that he was dead, being an unregistered animagus living for many years with the wizarding family of the Weasleys. Snape had another reason to be infuriated; he was mistaken for such a long time and didn’t let Black and Lupin explain all this! The boy was right to tell Snape he should have listened to all the explanations. Snape was so full of hatred that he allowed himself to be cheated by Pettigrew and offended by Potter that he was even more frustrated and angry as it was possible. What happened didn’t change his attitude towards Sirius much; he still remained the man who had a perfect possibility to kill Severus in the past.


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Last edited by allegro; December 27th, 2005 at 5:30 pm.
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  #55  
Old December 30th, 2005, 11:20 am
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Re: Snively

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Chapter 47: TEACHING AT HOGWARTS: HARRY POTTER’S FOURTH YEAR (part 1)

The next year came and the Headmaster allowed to organize the Triwizard Tournament for students from three wizarding schools: Hogwarts, Durmstrang and Beauxbatons. It meant that Severus was to meet his former ally, Igor Karkaroff, who was the headmaster of Durmstrang.
The problem was that Karkaroff had been a Death Eater. Of course, Snape had been meeting people who had chosen to become Death Eaters before, for example the Malfoy family, but Karkaroff was another person who kept reminding him of his Death Eater days. Also, Professor Dumbledore employed Alastor Moody as a new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. The man didn’t lose a chance to reproach Snape with his mistake of joining the evil force. Severus was furious but he knew that Alastor was right. He was often unconsciously rubbing the place where the Dark Mark was burnt: it was another reminder of his guilt. How could he forget about everything through all these years when he knew he had done the most stupid thing in his life? How could he, with the mark on his forearm and with Potter learning at the school? Hatred towards himself and others, remorse and lack of security were so strong, that he couldn’t stop himself from behaving like he always did.
Either Potter was a liar or somebody helped him to cheat the Goblet of Fire; it allowed him to enter the Tournament together with Cedric Diggory from Hufflepuff. Of course, at first Snape thought that Harry had lied again. Severus knew that he shouldn’t have allowed the Slytherins to lie and punish them more severely for all their bad deeds, but he simply didn’t want to. It was a nice feeling, to see all the eyes of the students from his own house staring at him with sympathy and liking; it was so different than when he had been a student and people from his own house didn’t like him or didn’t pay any attention...
When the Dark Mark was growing stronger and stronger, it became clear that the Dark Lord is close to gain his powers again. It scared Severus: as much as he wasn’t a coward, he knew that Lord Voldemort would finally find a way to come back to his corporeal form. He informed Professor Dumbledore about his Dark Mark and the Headmaster suggested him to stay calm as long as he could; if Voldemort was brought back to his powers again, which- as they both hoped- wouldn’t happen, Dumbledore asked him to come back to the Dark Lord. They both thought out a tale about good explanations about why Severus was teaching at Hogwarts and why he stopped his master to get the sorcerer’s stone.
They were excellent excuses but the risk was still grave. Severus decided to take the risk: Lily had called him a coward once and he wanted to prove that he wasn’t. He owed this to her, he simply chose to continue spying for the Headmaster he appreciated very much on his own will, no matter what the consequences would be. His exceptional Occlumency skills would be useful again.


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  #56  
Old January 1st, 2006, 8:53 pm
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Re: Snively

Part 2:


In the meantime, Alastor Moody was to guard Harry Potter, as he suspected that somebody from the castle threw Harry’s name into the goblet on purpose. Many people were suspecting Snape; he should have got used to this, but he didn’t. He couldn’t.
The Dark Mark was burning his skin stronger and stronger.
Potter was doing surprisingly well during the two tasks. He used his ability of flying well in the first one and he was the first who managed to set free his friend Ronald Weasley who had been hidden in depths of the lake.
However, the third task was a trap for Potter. Severus felt that the Dark Lord was calling him while everybody thought that Potter was still in the maze, trying to win the Triwizard Tournament cup. He wasn’t.
Harry Potter, Lily’s and James’s son, was in a deadly trap. The cup was a portkey that led him, together with Diggory, straight into Voldemort’s greedy hands. He used Peter Pettigrew to kill Cedric and used Harry’s blood to be reborn. He had always been using others to fulfill his plans. He used the boys just like he used all his servants. Harry would have died, but the Priori Incantatem effect helped him to stay alive. Lily was the one who helped him to survive again.
Snape met his enemy, Sirius Black, who came to see shocked Harry immediately. Professor Dumbledore forced Severus to shake hands with the git.
Cornelius Fudge, the Minister of Magic, didn’t believe that Voldemort came back when Snape showed him his Dark mark burning. What an idiot! It was safer for the Minister to pretend that nothing had happened, nothing at all.
The Potions teacher was frightened but ready to meet his former master. He hoped that the Dark Lord would torture him but he would finally forgive him. He hoped that he had enough hatred towards Harry Potter and others to push it to the front of his mind for Voldemort.
This time Severus Snape survived, enduring initial Voldemort’s displeasure; he had served him a coctail of Crucios and then had listened to Snape’s explanations. Snape's life was miserable and he was worth dying, but he would prefer to die in a different way, not being a victim of a serial killer. It meant that he had to keep risking his life for the Order of the Phoenix, which was reactivated by Professor Dumbledore, the one who Severus appreciated and respected.
The ugly creature which was reborn using Harry Potter’s blood was even more monstrous as it used to be and it didn’t change its customs. Lord Voldemort raised to use his biggest weapon-fear.


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  #57  
Old January 4th, 2006, 10:03 am
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Re: Snively

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CHAPTER 48: TEACHING AT HOGWARTS: HARRY POTTER’S FIFTH YEAR (part 1)

Severus Snape knew that this time he wouldn’t let the Dark Lord to be rule again.
He had a crucial role in the Order of the Phoenix, risking his life to give the members relevant information. Snape had to be cautious: the Order might have had a spy or even spies in its ranks, so he passed the most important informations straight to the Headmaster. Professor Dumbledore knew that Voldemort was planning to steal something which could be a weapon: this weapon was the prophecy that Professor Trelawney, a Divination teacher at Hogwarts, spoken a long time ago. It was the same prophecy which killed Lily; it was he, Snape who repeated the first part of it to the Dark Lord. Voldemort needed to hear the second part of the prophecy, hoping that it would help him to find a way to kill Harry Potter, who had managed to escape death for the second time. The Dark Lord clearly was afraid of Potter; he knew that Harry wasn’t an extraordinary student but every time he had wanted to murder him, somebody or something had helped the boy to survive.
Potter was spending a part of his holiday in the Headquarters of the Order. When he came back to Hogwarts, the situation at school changed: the Ministry of Magic sent a new teacher, who had worked for the Ministry before, to keep an open eye on Professor Dumbledore. Cornelius Fudge, the Minister of Magic, was undoubtedly a weak idiot.
Severus couldn’t overcome his evident lack of sympathy for Potter. It was even useful for the Dark Lord to know that Snape wasn’t treating the boy well. It seemed that it would be the last year with Potter for Snape; the boy wasn’t good at Potions, and Severus accepted only students with highest marks to attempt N. E. W. T. s.
Dolores Umbridge, a new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, was simply pathetic. It was clear that her duty was not to teach students anything at all. What more, there were more and more Ministry decrees that allowed her to check how every teacher was working. When she came into Snape’s classroom, she asked Severus a question why his attempts to obtain a Defence Against the Dark Arts post were rejected year after year. If only this ugly toad knew!
In winter Potter had a kind of vision which was quickly reported to the Headmaster. The boy was dreaming that he was inside Nagini, the Dark Lord’s snake, who attacked Mr Weasley in the Ministry of Magic. Severus knew what it meant. Potter happened to have an access to Lord Voldemort’s feelings and thoughts. It was only a matter of time for the the Dark Lord to notice that. It was an unwanted possibility that he would like to use Potter to retrieve the prophecy for him and only this one for whom the prophecy was made could take back the crystal ball in which it was put.


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  #58  
Old January 8th, 2006, 10:29 am
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Re: Snively

Albus Dumbledore decided that Snape should be the one who would teach Harry Occlumency, the knowledge how to close your mind against external penetration. The Headmaster didn’t want to teach Harry himself, as he was afraid that Lord Voldemort would decide to use Harry to spy on Dumbledore. He might even possess the boy to kill the Headmaster, who was a person the Dark Lord feared he most.
It meant that Severus had to stay eye-to-eye with Harry and he didn’t like this idea. It was... uncomfortable. Teaching Harry meant practising and Severus was afraid of Harry’s access into his thoughts. Fortunately, Professor Dumbledore was so kind that he borrowed Snape the Pensieve, where Severus could put thoughts which he chose as the most painful.
Harry was often crossing the line; Severus was angry seeing a total lack of respect for him from Harry’s side. He was so similar to his father! His looks, behaviour... James, James, James! Even the lack of respect was so James-ish that it hurt much more to know that he, Snape, kept risking his life to take vengeance on the person who killed his parents and Harry felt nothing but contempt for him. Also, Severus had to endure Sirius Black’s presence in the Headquarters: the man was staying safely in his own house while the others were taking part in such dangerous tasks! Black was pathetic for all his life and Severus couldn’t understand what Harry saw in his godfather. Well... it was clear that he saw the same what James Potter had seen.
The Occlumency lessons with Potter were forthcoming and when they came quickly, it appeared even more evidently that the boy was as conceited and arrogant as his father had been. Did it hurt to say 'Good afternoon’ when he entered the classroom? Harry had never said that to show his disgust for Snape. Severus noticed that Potter lacked subtlety, the trait that made his mother so special. Potter couldn’t understand the difference in reading somebody else’s mind and interpreting things which were found by using Legilimency. The silly boy was thinking that you could simply read somebody’s mind! This lack of understanding magic to the deepest as Severus did was so James-ish again! Let’s give Harry his broomstick and he would be the most happy person in the world! It was so trivial. Potter was disappointing.
Snape had to be very careful in what he was saying and in what he was doing. He didn’t want the Dark Lord to be angry with him. It seemed that he didn’t make the things easy for Potter, who apparently found it hard to concentrate when Severus was near. It wasn’t that bad for the boy, though; when the Dark Lord used his magic against you, you had no time for preparation and emptying yourself of all the emotion. It was better for Harry to start from the hardest tasks, Snape was thinking. Was he cheating himself?
What he knew for sure was that he didn’t wish Harry to go to the Department of Mysteries to find his prophecy, he didn’t want the awful creature to find a way to kill Potter.
Severus gave Harry little time to get ready and used Legilimency on him. He saw flashes of Harry’s memories. They surprised him, but he didn’t show that. He was always trying not to show anything but it didn’t always work. He couldn’t hide his anger towards the whole world.
What moved him the most was a picture of little Harry who was escaping from the huge dog and climbing the tree while some adults- perhaps Petunia with her husband- were laughing at him. It was cruel, he couldn’t deny it. It was as cruel as he treated some of his weak students. The Sorting Hat told Potter that he would have done well in Slytherin... Interesting. Apparently the Dark Lord gave him some traits of his... Severus also saw a student called Chang who was approaching the boy under a mistletoe... and then Potter managed to break the connection; it must have been to intimate for him.
Snape had to admit that the boy showed a strong will at the first attempt. Potter wasn’t such a pathetic student as he was often in Potions.


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  #59  
Old January 11th, 2006, 9:33 am
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Re: Snively

Part 3:

His second attempt to sneak into Harry’s mind allowed Severus to see Lily and James waving to Potter from the Mirror of Erised and the picture of a happy family caused Snape’s anger and fright that the boy was so easy to reach and use. He yelled at Harry about making no effort and he felt pain in his heart. The boy dreamed about a totally different situation. He was imagining Lily with James, he wanted Lily and James, why couldn’t it be he, Severus, who Harry could see in the mirror? Why couldn’t Snape have his own child with Lily? Why did this bloody world have to be so unfair?
It all made Severus to tell Potter what he thought about fools who wear their hearts on their sleeves. He was clearly pointing out to this particular memory but Harry didn’t notice that. Snape was still frightened how easily the Dark Lord could penetrate Harry’s mind, how easy he could find his weaknesses and use them, how dangerous it was for Harry who seemed not to take Professor Dumbledore’s request about learning Occlumency very seriously.
Snape discovered that Harry still had visions about the Department of Mysteries. He had one in his presence. It meant Lord Voldemort might have realised that he was able to suggest Harry to go there. Did he, Severus, additionally weaken Potter’s mind by practising Legilimency? It seemed that the lessons should have been arranged earlier, but nobody had known about Harry’s visions till the time when Arthur Weasley was attacked. Severus ordered Harry to practise: if Potter had managed to empty his mind of all emotions before sleep, the Dark Lord would have had nothing to read and it would have been harder for him to manipulate Potter.
The boy obviously wasn’t practising at all, behaving as if he didn’t care that the Dark Lord was trying to manipulate his thoughts. Severus maliciously told him that perhaps this latest dream about the Death Eaters Potter had was allowing him to feel like somebody important; maybe he was enjoying them? It was clear that the boy did nothing to stop these dreams; in fact it seemed that Potter felt even more interested in what Lord Voldemort was planning. When Harry said his ‘no’ and Severus reminded him that he wasn’t as important as he thought, the boy asked him if it was his duty to find out what the Dark Lord had been saying to the Death Eaters. Snape was proud to admit it; it was a higly dangerous and responsible work, the boy should have accepted this.
When Severus was practising Occlumency with Potter, Harry used a Shield Charm, which hadn’t been mentioned by Snape. It caused that Snape’s attempt to use Legilimency on Harry backfired; Harry got an access to Severus’s brain.
He saw Snape as a small boy crying in the corner while his father yelled at his frightened mother; he watched the scene with a little boy who was being laughed at when he was trying ro ride a broom; he also saw young Snape locked in his room, being bored and lonely. Unexpectedly, Severus felt pride of Harry’s achievements, although the boy was apparently scared that he got an access to his teacher’s thoughts. Snape was eager to try Legilimency on Harry again - finally the boy went ahead in his progress. Then he discovered that Potter let the Dark Lord to slip the picture of the Department of Mysteries and it made him furious. It meant that Harry was in a grave danger.
Potter had problems not only with the Dark Lord. Dolores Umbridge was trying to find where his godfather, Sirius Black, was staying and she ordered Severus to fetch the strongest Veritaserum potion that he could brew. He couldn’t allow Umbridge to find about the Headquarters of the Order, no matter how much he loathed Black, so he poured water to the flask instead of the demanded potion. Umbridge of course didn’t notice it, as the potion was colourless and didn’t smell – so was water. Somewhere in his heart Severus knew that if Harry had lost his godfather, it would have been another tragedy for him.
The next “Remedial Potions”, like they used to name Occlumency lessons, were a nightmare for Snape. Potter appeared exactly the same like his father was: an arrogant, nosy, malicious git with no respect for rules. He raped a rule of privacy, lurking into the Pensieve with Severus’s thoughts while the teacher was absent for a few minutes.


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  #60  
Old January 13th, 2006, 12:54 pm
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Re: Snively

Part 4:

The incident caused such a fury, rage and loathing from Snape’s side that he could hardly bear it. He threw Potter out of his office, saying that it was the end of teaching Occlumency. He didn’t care about the insolent boy no more. How could Potter's son allow himself to get an access to his most secretive thoughts?! That was something that made Snape almost as enraged as James Potter who had been bullying him that summer day in Snape’s memory.
Of course, Severus had to pretend that his memory was painful the most because of his father and Black were tormenting him. Yes, this was one of the reasons, but only one and Harry had no idea about what Severus was hiding deep inside, regretting this.
It was Harry’s mother, Lily, who made the memory the worst, not the bullying toerags, the Marauders, as the pieces of dung used to call themselves. She had come to help him, she had decided to do it against everything, not caring about what the Gryffindors would say, she had done it although he hadn’t said ‘I’m sorry’ to her, hadn’t trusted her... As he had offended her first, before the memorable day, he had offended her for the second time making a total fool, idiot of himself, ruining the possibility of continuing the relationship with her and a year afterwards she went straight into bloody Potter's longing arms.
It all caused Snape to be even more mean to Harry as ever. Oh, how he reminded him about James Potter! Seeing him every day was like a thorn in his heart, it felt as if James Potter was looking at him with contempt and hatred over and over again by Lily's eyes. He was trying to throw these thoughts out of his head but he couldn’t. He still loved Lily so much. The memory of her and her love was like a the biggest treasure for his heart.

Dolores Umbridge was complicating things still. She had been a Headmistress and Professor Dumbledore was gone. In her presence Harry was trying to tell Severus about Black being kept in the Department of Mysteries by the Dark Lord and yelled this news about Padfoot so that Umbridge didn’t understand. It meant that Voldemort must have gone too deep into Potter’s mind and he used the boy’s big weakness, love for his godfather, to force him to save Black by coming to the Department. Snape was sure that the boy knew where the prophecy was. When Potter went to the Forbidden Forest with Umbridge and din’t come back, he alarmed some members of the Order about what the boy had told him. When the Headmaster arrived at the Headquarters of the Order, where Sirius lived, it was clear that Harry had been cheated by Sirius’s house elf, Kreacher, and Sirius was at home. It was a trap for Harry, so Dumbledore went quickly to the Department of Mysteries, where he helped Harry to survive. Lord Voldemort was trying to possess Potter’s body and mind, but he couldn’t. The Headmaster seemed to save Harry’s life.

In fact, it was Snape whose information saved Harry but of course nobody knew this. How could they know if he was a double spy? It was another thing that keep hurting him; nobody appreciated his merits, the most of people didn’t trust him, hated him thinking that he was the Dark Lord’s ally, while in fact Snape felt nothing but disgust and fear when he was in his presence. His knowledge that Snape had appreciated before, wasn’t such a big deal for him any more. This psychopath was using the knowledge in a cruel, evil way, while the Headmaster was using it for the good, just like Lily did.
Black died during this incident. He didn’t listen to Dumbledore and went to the Department of Mysteries to save Harry. His cousin, Bellatrix Lestrange killed him. It was Black’s fault; he behaved like a child, not thinking about consequences, allowing his heart to lead him and incidentally caused another pain for the boy.
Snape couldn’t stand Black, but Harry Potter definitely saw and experienced too much. In fact, it was making him be similar to Severus.


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