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#281
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Re: Fan Scripts: Script your own version of Harry Potter
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:0 i just read all that..i didn't know it would be so long. its good though
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#282
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Re: Fan Scripts: Script your own version of Harry Potter
HBP - first private lesson after the Burrow attack:
INT. HOGWARTS - DUMBLEDORE'S OFFICE - NIGHT (Harry enters Dumbledore's office) DUMBLEDORE Harry, I'm glad to see you again. (Cut to Harry sitting in a chair in front of Dumbledore's desk.) DUMBLEDORE I heard you had a tough holiday at the Burrow. HARRY I feel it's my fault that... DUMBLEDORE That it burned down? No, Harry, the fault was mine. I made a mistake by giving you permission to stay there. You are after all the chosen one, Harry. HARRY I don't get this. Why me? How can I kill the darkest wizard of all time? DUMBLEDORE Harry, you have the power Voldemort has not. You can love. HARRY Wow, I can love. Great. DUMBLEDORE Do not underestimate this. HARRY How can love stop him? DUMBLEDORE Voldemort fears love. When he possessed you last year and felt all your love, he couldn't handle it. He left your body as the weakest one and decided to never more penetrate your mind. He has to use other ways to get to you. You have got a really good change to beat him, Harry, especially now when you know his weakness. HARRY The prophecy said that one of us has to kill the other. I have not got much of a choice, have I? DUMBLEDORE The prophecy only matters because Voldemort acted on it, nothing more. He heard about a boy with powers he didn't know. You. He wanted to kill you, and is still trying to, because he fears you. If he didn't act he wouldn't had disappeared, your parents would be alive and you would be an ordinary boy. Nothing could've stopped him. Don't you understand? It's just a stupid prophecy. Not all, nor half of the prophecies you saw in the ministry have come true. You've got a choice, Harry. You don't need to act if you don't want to. HARRY But I want to act. He killed my parents, he killed Cedric and Sirius. Of course I want to kill him. DUMBLEDORE As I thought. I'll do my best to help you. Now, let me show you a new memory. Please leave feedback ![]() This scene establish Harry's feeling about being the chosen one and it explains the prophecy properly. When it comes to the character who over-heard the prophecy and told it to Voldemort (i.m. Snape), I mean they can explain that in the seven film. Otherwise it would be too much information given in one scene. Last edited by Noldus; September 29th, 2009 at 7:11 pm. |
#283
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Re: Fan Scripts: Script your own version of Harry Potter
This is an extended version of a script a wrote earlier. The only difference; this time I included a bit about Voldemort's mother.
The Secret Riddle Based on the novel and the film: Int. Dumbledore's office - night: (A close-up of FAWKES, cut to DUMBLEDORE looking at a broken diary and a ring. As he hears someone knocking on the door, he puts it away) DUMBLEDORE Come in! (HARRY opens the door) DUMBLEDORE Harry, you got my message. Sit down, please! (Harry is now sitting) DUMBLEDORE How are you? HARRY I'm good, sir. DUMBLEDORE Enjoying your classes? (Harry nods) DUMBLEDORE Professor Slughorn told me you're extremely skilled in potions. HARRY Oh, I think he is exaggerating a bit. DUMBLEDORE Do you? HARRY Definitely! (Dumbledore is smiling) DUMBLEDORE Now to the reason I summon you here tonight. DUMBLEDORE (stands up and walks to his glass cabinet). What you are looking at are memories. In this case about one individual. VOLDEMORT. Or as he was known then; TOM RIDDLE. (Dumbledore picks up a bottle from his collection). DUMBLEDORE This is a peculiar memory of the day I first met him. I'd like you to see it if you would. (Harry looks at Dumbledore, takes the bottle and walks to the pensieve. He fills the content into it on Dumbledore's permission. The black liquid flows. Harry's face plunges into the water, breaks the surface. The black liquid sinks and the memory shapes into a dark, dreamy city. An younger Dumbledore walks through the city. Subjective perspective as young Dumbledore looks up at the Whool´s Orphanage). MRS. COLE (V.O) In all these years Tom has been here he has never once had a family visitor. CUT TO: Int. Orphanage – day: (Mrs. Cole and Dumbledore walks up the stairs). MRS. COLE His mother gave birth to him here. Poor woman! She was weak and died immediately after she told me that the boy's name had to be Tom Riddle, for his father. YOUNG DUMBLEDORE Interesting. How is he? Tom? MRS. COLE You will take him to your school whatever I tell you, right? (Young Dumbledore nods) MRS. COLE He has not made any friends. It seems like he prefer to be alone. He is odd in a way. There have been incidents with the other children. Nasty things. But it's very hard to catch him. Once we took them out to the seaside, he showed a cave to some other children. Afterwards they were never quite right. He swore they had just gone exploring, but I am sure something weird happened inside. Here we are. (She knocks on the door twice). MRS. COLE Tom, you have a visitor. (She opens the door, a little boy is sitting at a chair. No expression on his face). (Young Dumbledore notices a drawing of a cave on Tom's desk next to some books). CUT TO DUMBLEDORE SITTING ON HIS BED: TOM RIDDLE You are the doctor, aren't you? YOUNG DUMBLEDORE No, I am professor Albus Dumbledore. I am here to offer you a place at Hogwarts school. TOM RIDDLE Is that a place for mad people? YOUNG DUMBLEDORE No, absolutely not. Hogwarts is a magical school for those with special abilities. TOM RIDDLE (curious) Special abilities? YOUNG DUMBLEDORE Yeah! You can do things, can't you Tom? Things the other children can't. TOM RIDDLE I can make things move without touching them, I can make animals do what I want them to without training them. I can make bad things happen to people who are mean to me. I can make them hurt. (Pause) What about you? Are you special too? YOUNG DUMBLEDORE Yes, I am a wizard. TOM RIDDLE Prove it! YOUNG DUMBLEDORE If you adress me as "sir" or "professor". TOM RIDDLE I am sorry, sir. (Young Dumbledore smiles and Tom Riddle's wardrobe burst into flames. Tom Riddle looks anxious). YOUNG DUMBLEDORE Open the wardrobe, Tom. (Tom Riddle jumps to his feet. Opens the burning wardrobe, glances at a box. It doesn't burn). TOM RIDDLE How..? (The wardrobe stops burning, unharmed). YOUNG DUMBLEDORE All in good time, Tom. At Hogwarts you will be teached not only how to use magic, but how to controll it. Now, show me what you hide in the box. (Tom waits some seconds, takes out the box and opens it. Lots of ordinary things). YOUNG DUMBLEDORE Stealing is something we don't tolerant at Hogwarts. You will return these things back to their owners with your apologies, Tom. TOM RIDDLE Yes, sir. (Young Dumbledore rises and scrutinizes him. Tom Riddle does not meet his eyes) YOUNG DUMBLEDORE See you at Hogwarts then. (Young Dumbledore walks away) TOM RIDDLE I can speak to snakes too. (Young Dumbledore stops) TOM RIDDLE They find me, whispers things...Is that normal for someone like me? (Young Dumbledore turns around as the fog grows thicker and thicker and the memory disolves). INT. DUMBLEDORE'S OFFICE - NIGHT (Harry's head emerges from the water in the pensieve. He looks shocked). HARRY Did you know then... DUMBLEDORE ...that I'd just met the most dangerous, dark wizard of all time? No! If I had I... (Dumbledore is in his own thoughs, glances at the pensieve. Sees Tom Riddle and a drawing of a cave. Dumbledore moves his wand over it. Harry notices the black liquid changes into a locket, then it forms into a woman screaming in pain when she gives birth at the orphanage. Dumbledore dips his empty bottle into the water and catch the black liquid). HARRY Sir! Voldemort's mother...Why did she die after she gave birth to her son? Couldn't she had used magic to save herself? DUMBLEDORE Yes, I think so. Merope Gaunt was a skilled witch and actually a descendent of Salazar Slytherin himself. But she had no intention of saving herself and taking care of her only son. You see, Harry. Merope was in love with a muggle named Tom Riddle. She used to slip him love potions and one day she married him. Once her husband found out she was a witch he broke up with her and left her and his unborn son alone. Merope was heart broken. She stopped eating and became weaker and weaker. She saw no point of living anymore. HARRY But her only son. DUMBLEDORE Voldemort's mother wasn't as yours, Harry. Tom never got the chance to feel love. Perhaps you noticed he was a collector? He felt connected to all sorts of objects, especielly trophies. They made him feel special. He was probably a bit lonely. Later on, he realized he didn't need any friends. As he grew up at Hogwarts he developed his powers and became extraordinary skilled and not to mention many teacher's favourite student. Can you guess one of them? HARRY Uhm...Professor Slughorn. You didn't bring him back to Hogwarts simple to teach potions, did you sir? Dumbeledore No, I did not. Harry, I told you that professor Slughorn probably would try to collect you and I want you to... HARRY ...let him collect me? DUMBLEDORE Exactly! Do your best, Harry. (Dumbledore gives Harry a glance of trust, Harry nods). Last edited by Noldus; September 29th, 2009 at 7:18 pm. |
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Re: Fan Scripts: Script your own version of Harry Potter
Good job Noldus!
There are a few lines I personally feel don't work but overall I think it flows great and I think it would've made that scene have more meat to it. Alright everyone. It's been a while! Since my laptop is out of order at the moment I won't be able to bring my Deathly Hallows Pt. 2 up yet. So I decided to try and do a one shot DH for fun. Warning to all this isn't for the faint at heart. Alot is different and is excluded. Since it's one film only the important elements stay and shortcuts have be taken numerous times. Let me know what you guys think. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Screenplay by: Phrozenone Based on the book by: JK Rowling The Boy Who Lived: ![]()
The Dark Lord Ascending: ![]()
The Dursley's Departed: ![]()
The Seven Potters: ![]()
Harry's Spell: ![]()
Portkey to the Burrow: ![]()
Harry's Seventeenth Birthday: ![]()
The Will of Albus Dumbledore: ![]()
A Place to Hide: ![]()
Number 3 Grimmauld Place: ![]()
Kreacher's Tale: ![]()
The Horcruxes: ![]()
The Intruder: ![]()
Camping and the revelation: ![]()
Ron's Departure: ![]()
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horrific. I know now...you will see worse." Last edited by Phrozenone; August 19th, 2009 at 1:23 am. |
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#285
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Re: Fan Scripts: Script your own version of Harry Potter
Thanks for the feedback Phrozenone! I changed some of it, but I'm not quite sure which lines you feel don't work. Can you tell me so I can change it?
And wow, you have written a lot! I only read the first one yet. Is it meant to be from DH 1? The flashbacks and the newspapers were a good idea, although I feel that this line by Voldemort is a villain-cliche: "A prophecy said that you would be the one to defeat me and I am here to make sure that it is not so." However, it's important to the plot so don't cut the line - just change it a bit without loosing the information. Something like "So you are the boy the prophecy said would defeat me." (Laughing) "Avada Kadevra!" Or this one (similar to yours): "A prophecy said that you would be the one to defeat me. I don't think so!" Last edited by Noldus; August 19th, 2009 at 5:05 pm. |
#286
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Re: Fan Scripts: Script your own version of Harry Potter
Thanks Noldus!
Hmmmm let me read through it again *strolls up* Ah! I thought that Tom's "If so, then I will not follow you!' feels a bit...much. I think just leaving it at 'Is that a place for mad people?' does it well. Or change it up to be 'It's a place for mad people isn't it?' I just feel the 'If so, then I will not follow you' is a lead in to the musical version of HBP. If sooooo...I will not follow you u u u!!! ![]() Also I think cutting the 'See you at Hogwarts' then' will make the scene flow aswell. Just have Dumbledore say goodbye and turn to leave and Tom ask about the Snakes. Also I feel (although what you have is fine) that you should keep the lines that Harry/Dumbledore say right after Harry leaves the Pensieve the same. 'Did you know...' After Dumbledore answers have Harry think for a bit and then ask about his mother like in your script. I think the 'Did you know...' is a natural first response instead of his mother you know? So if you added that then you'd have to change ur line from Dumbledore slightly. Quote:
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horrific. I know now...you will see worse." |
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#287
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Re: Fan Scripts: Script your own version of Harry Potter
![]() Quote:
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#288
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Re: Fan Scripts: Script your own version of Harry Potter
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Thanks again! ![]() ![]() I didn't cut "See you at Hogwarts then" line. However, I omitted "It was nice to meet you, Tom". That didn't really fit into the situation. I agree, it's naturally that Harry asks Dumbledore about his knowledge to Tom's malevolence at that time. I don't know how I can change it. I think it flows well as it is. I know not all of it is canon. Here Dumbledore said that Tom was probably a bit lonely and he later realized he didn't need any friends. In the book I got the impression he never wanted friends. But this way I'm giving this evil characher much more depth and personality. And Dumbledore feels he should have helped him and says he should've realized it. Then he mentions the stealing, Harry asks why he stole and Dumbledore explains he was a collector. It's crucial information which Harry doesn't know then. Therefor, Harry wouldn't suddenly just asked why he stole lots of objects if Dumbledore hadn't mention it. I'll try to get it right ![]() EDIT: Now I've done what you suggested! Thank you, Phrozenone ![]() Last edited by Noldus; August 23rd, 2009 at 4:20 pm. |
#289
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Re: Fan Scripts: Script your own version of Harry Potter
Phrozenone, I read "The Dark Lord Ascending" and I have to say it flows well. The scene is a little bit short in my opinion. I wish you could extend the part of Charity Burbage. You got the right mood to the scene and established Voldemort's view on muggles. But compared to the book I missed some depth on this. If your script had made it into a film the non-book readers would at this point believe Voldemort's key target was to kill all muggles and controll the world. It may give more sense in the context of the whole film/screenplay, though. They would probably have got it in the end. It seems like you have used a lot of time planning all these scripts so I must praise you for that, and good job. Keep up the good work!
![]() I like this extract: CHARITY BURBAGE Severus…please….please…. It reminds me of Dumbledore's death scene in HBP. Once again the audience is reminded of Snape's betrayal. |
#290
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Re: Fan Scripts: Script your own version of Harry Potter
Phorzenone I love your script, I really hope the real DH starts with the flashback, and the newspaper was a great touch
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#291
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Re: Fan Scripts: Script your own version of Harry Potter
I'm really enjoying reading all these scripts. For the books where the films are already out, I find it interesting to see what you guys have left out and put in compared with what the film-makers put in and left out.
Please keep it up-they're really good. Can't wait to see what you do with DH Part II |
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Re: Fan Scripts: Script your own version of Harry Potter
I everyone, I really enjoy your fanscripts and the most of them are really great! Honestly. A little while ago I start working on my own version of Deathly Hallows and here are the first scenes!
I would really want you to comment on it and I will try to continue on it (or at least what I consider the High-Lights of the book)! Enjoy reading ![]() Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part I: ![]() |
#293
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Re: Fan Scripts: Script your own version of Harry Potter
I liked it too. It was just like in Spiderman sequels when they show the recaps of the previous movies in comic book style
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#294
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Re: Fan Scripts: Script your own version of Harry Potter
KJ Riddle-I really enjoyed reading your script. It seemed, in my opinion, quite well paced. It didn't feel like you rushed through parts too quickly or lingered on other parts too long which is good. I could also picture the actors doing that and saying what you'd written.
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Re: Fan Scripts: Script your own version of Harry Potter
Thank you, but now I have some personal issues to take care of, I won't be able to post the following part soon, but I'll try to!
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#296
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Re: Fan Scripts: Script your own version of Harry Potter
Wow - I just realised that it's been over 2 years since I starting writing my scripts! And in the last year I've hardly done anything towards them
![]() ![]() Edit: I said I'd do it - and so I have! The first 12 pages of my new script, which was previously 20 pages worth! New PS script: ![]()
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#297
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Re: Fan Scripts: Script your own version of Harry Potter
That was amazing! I like how you've been loyal to the books without making it exactly like the books.
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Re: Fan Scripts: Script your own version of Harry Potter
Really enjoyed reading the new PS script. I think you made some good decisions in cutting down one or two of the scenes from the book. Can't wait for the next batch!
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#299
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Re: Fan Scripts: Script your own version of Harry Potter
Well, I'm having a good streak at the moment, which is probably going to fade away soon, knowing me
![]() I probably didn't compress this enough, but it is an important section... New PS Script, Part 2: ![]() Thanks for the positive feedback so far! ![]()
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And none will come after... Farewell to the Harry Potter films (this was written way before Fantastic Beasts was a thing... ![]() A true ![]() |
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#300
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Re: Fan Scripts: Script your own version of Harry Potter
That was beautiful - almost exactly like the book, though, so I think you might want to change a line or two that were word-for-word from the book and cut it down a little - for example, I think you could cut the whole boat thing and have them cut straight to the hut - it's more detailed than the movie, but less than the book. But a very dramatic shot, like the one where Harry and Dumbledore are standing on a rock in Half-Blood Prince, would fitwell into it as a transition from the day to the stormy night.
Other than that, however, it was BEAUTIFUL. You should have written the Deathly Hallows movies :P
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