Ask Snape - The Game

[merrymarge]

Professor Snape,
George, Fred, and I have not been spying on you. We have been very busy running our Weasleys' joke shop. I know we all have red hair but surely you couldn't have mixed us up. Unless you mixed up Fred and George. Since they are identical twins, they are easy to mix up but they are shorter than me. I am close to 6" tall.
Perhaps there is someone taking polyjuice potion and pretending to be one of us, though if there is, I hope he doesn't come home, Mum has enough on her mind now.
Ronald Weasley

Ms Mikstura,
I am Severus T. Snape, Potions Master at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Someone else has been impersonating me, trying to get me in trouble because of the Brown affair.
I would not try to poison anyone.
Severus T. Snape

Severus T. Snape,
I don't know what has gotten into you. Why on earth would you try to poison Ms Brown? I heard she was to stand trial for attempting to kill a Professor and two students, but don't you think it's a bit premature to poison her before she stands trial? And I heard you are trying to poison other students too.
I did my best to raise you properly. True, your father didn't help, but I did my best and now this.
Oh, the shame of it all. I can barely sign my name.
Mum

[HandofGlory]

Good lord, Mother.

Are you friends with Rita Skeeter as well? Just because someone has said something doesn't make it true. I know better than to kill/poison someone. I wish you did as well.

Severus, your son.

--------------------------

Mr. Ronald Weasley,

Perhaps I should have made myself clearer on which Weasley I was talking about. I know better that it wasn't you three. However, your oh-so-perfect of a prefect brother Percy is the one the letter was meant for. Yes, I am well aware it was him, and not you or your twin brothers.

Professor Snape

----------------------------------

Professor Snape,

I am to understand that Miss Lavender Brown has been in contact with you during her "Dark Lord" moment. We wonder if you would like to testify in court, or at least send every letter that Miss Brown has sent you, as it would most likely help in making a clear judgement.

Harry Potter

[merrymarge]

Professor Snape,
Percy? not doing well in Potions? Spying on you? That doesn't seem like our Perce, Perfect Percy. Maybe some one is pretending to be him. Are you missing any boomslang skin, lacewing flies, fluxweed?
Ron

Sev, dear,
Oh, I know I should have owled you before reading Rita's article in the Prophet. I just happened to catch your name and I wanted to see what the story said about you. Big mistake, although not as big as a mistake as my marrying your father. I know you love your students, that's why you keep teaching year after year, instead of becoming a brilliant potioneer. Although, I think you did mention that you were nominated as the Most Excellent Potioneer recently. Did you win? You never did say. I am so sorry for not thinking the best of you. Forgive me??
Mum

Mr. Potter,
I will be happy to attend Ms Brown's upcoming trial. I have owled Professor Slughorn to take over my classes. Owl me when I am needed to testify.
Professor Snape

Albus,
Are you sure you should be leading the trial of Ms Brown? After all, you are Headmaster of Hogwarts.
Maybe Cornelius Fudge should take over?
Severus

[snaperunner]

Severus,
My dear fellow. Professor McGonagall is ,as deputy headmaster, fully prepared to cover for me in my absence so there should be no problem with me leading the trial.After all I do wish to see Miss Brown recieve help for her delusions as much as see justice served. By the way, what rumor is this I heard? You are planning to poison someone? Or serve up a love potion via Cauldron Cakes? I am quite fond of Cauldron Cakes, but that does rather put me off them.
Albus

[merrymarge]

Albus
I am concerned about you being biased in favor of Ms Brown, because you are Headmaster. In the Muggle world, it is called a "conflict of interest".
As for cauldron cakes, that was Rita Skeeter's warped sense of humor.
And unfortunately, a lot of people believed her. I heard from Honeydukes, that sales of cauldron cakes have plummeted. They might take legal action against Ms Skeeter.
Severus

[GrimeldaDursley]

Dear Severus,

Such a pity that these rumors go round. When I was a child, someone started a rumor that Ice Mice were made from real mice. Put me off them for a long time!

Albus

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ++++++++++++

Dear Tall, Dark and Gruesome,

[ha ha lol]

You are the most attractive man I have ever seen! I think I'm in love!

X's and O's,

Your Devoted Fangirl Buffy

[merrymarge]

Dear "Fangirl Buffy",
you need to stop writing to me. I have no interest in you or anyone else.
Professor Snape

Filius,
I need to find a repelling charm to keep a fangirl from writing to me. Any suggestions would be appreciated.
Severus

Albus,
I am glad Ms Brown will not spend the rest of her young life in Azkaban. I think 5 years should be long enough, don't you?
Severus

[merrymarge]

Severus,
Best way I know of to keep fangirls from writing to you is not to answer their letters, even to say stop writing. I was talking to a young chap named Warick Davis and he insisted that if you ignored the girls they stop writing.
Filius

Severus,
We have a new student who is all thumbs and has trouble brewing potions. I hope you can help her. She is a wonderful student, tops in most classes, and very helpful. she sees potions as a type of cooking class and needs your utmost attention.
Albus

[merrymarge]

I swear, I did not mean to kill this thread. I have run out of ideas, since no one else is posting.

[GrimeldaDursley]

Albus,

The Potions lab is not a kitchen! That's just plain insulting! I know the student you speak of, every time she adds an ingredient to her cauldron, she yells "BAM!" The results are usually "BOOM!"

Every new school year is getting worse than the one before it! Dunderheads make up about 80% of them, 10% of them are insufferable know-it-alls, and the remaining 10% just don't seem to care!

And I realise with each passing school year that I hate kids. I really do.

Severus

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ++++++++++++

Dear Son,

I have wonderful news! I met the nicest man a couple weeks ago, and we are going to be....married! Isn't that nice?

Love,

Mother

[merrymarge]

Mother,
Not again! I think after two weeks, marriage isn't right. You barely know him. I hope you didn't use a love potion on him. You know love potions don't last. And I hope it isn't Gilderoy Lockhart. You know he is still on the run from St. Mungo's.
Severus

Severus,
Now Severus, are you sure you hate teaching? I have heard over the years how you have guided students, helped them with homework assignments, convinced them that they are not dunderheads.
there is that new classroom, named Pottermore, where students brew up batches of potions, sometimes without a hitch. I assume it is from your fine teaching that they learn so easily.
Oh, and congratulations! I heard your mum has finally met Mr.Wright. Yes, that is his name. J.P. Wright. After that disasterous first marrige to your father, Tobias, Eileen has finally found the Wright er, right person for her. I hope she will be very happy. And you Severus, you should be glad to have a new father, even at your age.
Albus

[GrimeldaDursley]

Albus,

I would be happy for her if I wasn't sure she's making a huge mistake! The man is younger than me for cryig out loud! Which actually, I feel like doing.

Severus

================================================== ================

Dear Sir,

We kind of hate to bother you with this, but this dude came by the house just a while ago and delivered a Noice of Eviction to us! He says he is the new owner of Spinner's End! Say it ain't so, Sir! Though you are kind of antisocial at times, you would never sell Spinner's End without telling us, would you? You would never do something that indecent!

Please write back and let us know what's going on, would you?

The guy said his name was Wright, but there seems to be something wrong about him, if you get my meaning.

Sincerely,

Grimmy

PS...And by the way, does he really think a Fish-n-Chips shop would even do well here? Almost everything else around here is empty or falling down!

[merrymarge]

Dear Grimmy,
There is no truth to this rumor. I have not sold Spinner's End, because I am the legal owner. I have the "deed" written, signed and stamped. My parents turned Spinner's End over to me years ago. My mother has permission to visit whenever she wants and she is allowed to stay as long as she doesn't disturb my boarders. She set the guidelines when I turned 17, and renewed the contract when I turned 21. My legal father, Tobias Snape visits but is not permitted to stay overnight. This Mr. Wright fellow, he is a new suitor of my mother's but he has no legal recourse to buy Spinner's End.
I will be by this weekend to meet with him and my mother.
Professor Snape

Severus,
Allow me to introduce myself, I am J.P. Wright. I am buying your house? Spinner's End. Your old man, T. Snape told me that I am able to buy it for a song. I think a Fish'n"Chips shop would be just the thing for that neighborhood. Your mother, Eileen has insisted that it can't be sold, but I believe if the price is right, you would be happy to have that run-down shack off your hands.
I want to meet you as soon as possible. There is a lovely tavern called the "Leaky Cauldron" where we can do business.
J.P.Wright

Mum,
I want to meet with you and your Mr. Wright, this weekend at the Leaky. We need to settle this soon. My students and guests are upset that you would try to sell Spinner's End. I can't have my guests upset. Strange things will happen, like the last time.
Sev

[GrimeldaDursley]

Dear Sir,

A couple of the Irregulars became very panicked and started packing up some of their stuff, and somehow a huge jar of glitter was dropped and well, you remember the last fiasco? This is almost as bad as that one. Sir, vanishing spells don't work, you can't even sweep it up, everything you do to it makes it just increase in volume. I guess it doesn't matter now, as the brooms are all buried somewhere under it all. I don't know why the person didn't throw it away like you told her to. Last holiday was almost ruined by glitter, darn it! I am going home, will wait for your response to this owl there.

Oh, and your cat, who kind of was the one who knocked the jar off the table,will be at my house also. Not her fault anyway.

I am so out of this place right now. And please get in touch with Narcissa, would you? Just tell her to come by and get her husband because she might have to take him to St. Mungo's if I can't figure out how to get this candy cane out of his left nostril. Don't even ask, Sir.

Grimmy

================================================== ===================================

Dear Mr. Wrong,

I am onto you, you gold digger. Cease and desist immediately. Or else.


S. Snape

PS- I am not playing with you, sir. I mean business.

[merrymarge]

Dear Grimmy,
Apparently I will need more assistance to clean up this mess. I cannot blame you for leaving and thank you for taking care of my cat.
I have called in several people, Professors Flitwick, McGonagall, and Dumbldore. together we should be able to make things right.
Professor Snape

Albus, Filius, and Minerva,
I need your assistance in cleaning up a big mess at Spinner's End. Unfortunately, it involves glitter.
It all started because of that "horrible" Mr. Wright, who thinks he can just waltz in and take over my home.
Funny, he looks a lot like Professor Lockhart. Remember, he is still on the run from St. Mungo's.
Severus

Mum,
Why does your Mr. Wright look like Gilderoy Lockhart? he has the bright blue eys and that smary smile. Where did he come from and why did you marry him so quickly?
Sev

Severus,
I am sorry to say, your father has caused the commotion at Spinner's End. He attacked my husband, J.P. Wright. Make sure you deal with him, before I do.
Mum