A Comedy of Errors (and wizards)

[imacheeto]

this takes place at the end of HBP, and by the way, this is my first f-fic, it will probably be junk. just read it.
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Draco Malfoy was on the run with Snape. Draco cried, "Wait!!" Snape said, "What the freakin heck?! We barely escaped with our lives, why would you want to go back?" "It's that Weasly... I can't keep my mind off him," replied Draco. "What are you implying?" asked Snape. "Never mind... he likes that Granger girl anyway." "What?!?" asked Snape.
"Never mind...just.... never mind." "Ooooo-kaaaaay then. So, lets go." "Where to?" asked Draco. "Azkaban; we're breakin' your dad out. Along with any other Death Eaters we can find." "Seriously? Ah man, that's so freakin awesome!!" "You know it!" replied Snape. So, off they went to Azkaban. Little did they know the peril that would befall them on their travels.
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so, there u hav it. i hope you enjoyed it. fortunatly, im on Martin Luter King day break, or something like that, so ill be able to post more soon.

[imacheeto]

Well heres prt 2. wow it hasnt even been a day since prt 1. so yeah, here it is.
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"Are we there yet?" asked Draco Malfoy. "Shut up, if we were there, you'd be able to tell," replied Snape. "Well sorrrry, mister grumpy pants," sneered Draco. "Petrificus Totalus!", shouted Snape, and Draco was frozen, stiff as a board. Snape then said "Locomotor Draco," and he pulled Draco along behind him saying, "That should shut him up." He arrived at a crooked tree and tapped it with his wand 7 times, muttering words in strange tounges. After the weird incantation, the tree split open, revealing a narrow pathway that sloped downward. At the bottom of the passage, they reached a wooden door. Snape knocked on the door. He heard a gruff voice saying, "Who's there? I told you, I'll have the money when I deliver the- Oh, Severus, it's you... Forget I said any of that. What brings you here?" "Brooms, Bob," replied Snape, "We need brooms." "We? Oh I see you've brought a friend! Pleased to meet you mister.. uhh is he ok?" "Hold on a moment..." Snape flicked his wand in Draco's direction and he instantly came to life. "What the freakin heck? Where the bloody hell am I?" "Never mind that," said Snape, "This is Bob, owner of Bob's Big Emporium." "Hello!" said Bob, "So, where you goin' that you can't apparate to?" "If you must know, we're going to Azkaban to break out some of our comrades," replied Snape. "Really? Well I'll be, I was just thinkin' I might join the Death Eaters. Sounds more interesting than bein' cooped up here, where Mudbloods drag there useless selves in. You know the Ministry won't let you have Mudblood free shops anymore? It's freakin' retarted! But never mind that, what brooms d'you need?"
"Nothing fancy, just good enough to get us to Azkaban in one piece." "Ok, three Cleansweep 4s comin' up." "Three?" asked Snape. "Sure, unless you'd rather me not come with you!" "Sure, you can come," replied Snape. "Alrighty! Lets get it on!" And with that, they flew off into the sunrise (for it was now daybreak.)

[imacheeto]

"So, this is what Azkaban looks like," said Bob. They had just landed on the island. Just then, a dozen Dementors came out of nowhere! "Don't worry," said Snape, "Expecto Patro-" but one of the Dementors came over and snapped his wand in half. Draco pulled his own wand out, but was distracted by a jingling noise in the sky. "What the freakin heck?" "Hullo there!" said a booming voice, "I was just on my way to-" "Santa!! I always knew you were real!" exclaimed Draco. "Yes, and you've been incredibly naughty this year, so naughty in fact, that coal is too good for you!" and with that, he landed and started to beat him up. "Help! I'm being pummeled by a fat guy!"
"Avada Kedav-" started Bob, but Santa was to fast."Arrrgghhh!!!!" Santa charged at him and knocked him over. "Draco finally cried "Impedimenta!" and Santa was temporarily frozen. "Why didn't you kill him?!" yelled Snape. "People would notice that he was missing. I don't want a lawsuit." "Good thinking Draco," said Snape. "Bob muttered some advanced spell and pointed his wand at Santa, who vanished. "Don't worry; I just teleported him to the North Pole. Oh, Severus, I just noticed- Reparo!There, that should fix your wand." "Thank you. Well then, lets be off!" And they made there way to the walls of Azkaban.

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well, theres prt 3. sorry its so short. I'm thinkin there might be 10 prts or more.

[imacheeto]

A Comody of Errors(and wizards) feedback
This is the link to the feedback thread! I wanna make it easy for ya'll to tell me what you think. so heres part 4...
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"I just wondered: How on earth will we get past all these Dementors?" asked Draco. "Um, hellooo! We'll just throw a couple Patronouses at them." "Well, I never really learned how to do one..." Draco replied. "What?! Man, you suck!" yelled Snape, "If Potter can do one as a thirteen-year-old, why can't you do one as a sixteen-year-old Death Eater?! Once again, you suck!" "Anyone want some Lunchables?" asked Bob in an effort to change the subject. "What?!?" "Lunchables! I found some just here." "It's obviously Muggle food. Why would Muggles be here right outside Azkaban?" Snape asked. "Wait...never mind. It's just a log. I always get Lunchables and logs confused,"said Bob. "Riiiight. Oookaayy. Right then. Lets be off, once again. They were right against the wall when they heard a jingling noise in the sky. "Oh dear God, not him again!" yelled Draco. Santa cried, "I'll get you next year! You just wait, there'll be more than coal in your stocking!" "He's batty as freakin heck!" exclaimed Draco."Never mind that. We're here." And with that, they went through the gates of Azkaban, which for some reason were already open...
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so there you hav it. hope you enjoyed it.

[imacheeto]

A Comody of Errors(and wizards) feedback. now heres da story...
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"What the freakin' heck?" asked Draco. The entire prison was void of life, except for a couple of Dementors. Snape quickly got rid of them and said, "It seems that there's already been a mass breakout."
"Well, ain't that dandy!" shouted Bob sarcasticly, "This has been an entire waste of time!" Just then, four Ministry employees landed next to them. One of them said, "Oh my freakin' gosh! What the heck happened?!"
"It seems that there's been a breakout and THESE morons are the breaker-outers!" said another. "But, it's not our faults-" began Draco, "Shut the freakin heck up!" yelled the third one. "Avada Kedavra!" shouted Snape, but a butterfly flew in front of his wand at the last second. "Dang it!" yelled Snape. "Stupefy!" shouted an employee, but as he cursed Snape, Bob hit him with a killing-curse. "Stupefy!" shouted another, and Bob was stunned also. But Draco hit them all with some quick killin' curses and ennervated Bob & Snape. "Well, now what?" asked Draco. "I guess we go to Hogwarts," said Snape.
"Why the freakin' heck would we?!?" said Draco, "We just left it!"
"We're gonna take it over!" laughed Snape maniacly.
"But we don't have enough people!" said Draco.
"Good point.... Draco, send an owl to your father and tell him to recruit all of his Death Eater comrades. Bob... just don't do anything stupid."
"Okay.." said Bob.
"Off we go!" cried Snape.
"This isn't going to end well," said Draco. Off they went to Hogwarts, where there was a whole mess of trouble waiting...
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so, there u hav it. hope ya like it.

[imacheeto]

Part 6! This ones a double feature!feedback Enjoy!
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"Dang, I thought I'd never have to see this freakin' castle again," Draco complained.
"Stop whining, we'll be ruling it soon enough," said Snape, "as soon as your dad and his peeps show up."
"Peeps?" asked Bob.
"Yeah, you know, peeps. Friends, colleages, those kind of people."
"Ohhhhh... so us three are all peeps! That's pretty awesome."
"Indeed," said Snape, "But enough gangsta talk; Mr. Malfoy and his peeps are landing." Sure enough, Lucius Malfoy and some other Death Eaters were landing right next to them.
"'Sup Pops!" said Draco.
"Greetings son!" said Lucius.
"So, where's the grub you promised us?!" yelled a Death Eater.
"Once we take Hogwarts, we'll have all the food we can eat!" replied Snape.
"Freakin' sweet!" chimed all the Death Eaters.
"Now, lets get it on!" yelled Bob. They all ran towards Hogwarts, where people were already aware that they were being attacked...
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"Wha' the 'eck is goin' on in the ruddy forest?!" belowed Hagrid.
"Aw man!" said McGonagall, "It's just as I feared! It wasn't good enough for them to kill Albus; they wanna take over the entire school!!"
"Crud!" said Slughorn, "I was gonna go home tomorrow! Now I've got another fight!"
"Stop complainin', ye great lump!" said Hagrid, "We gotta defend the freakin' school!" Some went down to the kitchen to get hot stew to drop on people, and some retreived advanced spellbooks to catch up on their spells. However, McGonagall went to put protective spells on Dumbledore's tomb so that no one could harm it. She got back before the Death Eaters had her in range and started organizing the teachers into an army. Right before the Death Eaters were on their doorstep, she sent owls to Harry, Ron, and Hermione requesting their help. By that time, they all knew how to get to the school. Luckily, Hermione had gotten a broomstick the day before, so she was able to come. After an hour of fighting, the trio arrived. "By my mother's chocolate! You've no idea how glad I am to see you three!"
"Just like old times, ain't it Harry?" grinned Ron.
"Yeah, like old times," said Harry.
"Let's kick some tush!" yelled Hermione, and with that, they started to fight...
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(end of story) so, there u hav it. part 6. yeah... sorry if it bored you, it was pretty long,but after all, it was a double feature. stay freakin' tuned for part 7!

[imacheeto]

heres part 7! sorry its taken so long. i actually made it, but for some reason, it didn't post right. but, here it is now. feedback
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"Avada Kedavra!" cried Snape, pointing his wand at Harry. Harry ducked, and the curse hit an extremely obeise Death Eater. The curse bounced off his enormous girth, and hit another Death Eater. That one died. "Crucio!" cried Draco. The curse hit Hagrid, who started writhing on the floor. "Petrificus Totalus!" yelled Harry. Draco fell to the floor, and the curse on Hagrid lifted. "Thanks," said Hagrid. Before Harry could respond, they heard a small explosion coming from a nearby corridor. They all ran to see what the commotion was. Hermione shreiked: several house-elves lay dead and bloody on the floor. Hermione, who always stood up for house-elf rights, looked around for the culprit. Snape was standing, holding his wand out with shaking hands. Hermione cried, "Flippendo!" Snape was smashed back into a wall where he lay unconsious. "Dang thats hot," Ron said. After over an hour of intense fighting, the Death Eaters finally retreated. "Yeah, keep runnin', ye ruddy gits!" yelled Hagrid. "Wow, look at the time," said Harry, "By the time I've flown back home, I'll have fallen asleep on my broom.
"You're all welcome to stay here," said McGonagall.
"What's the password to the Gryffindor common room?" asked Harry.
"Rat's tail," replied McGonagall.
"I'll right a letter to mum and tell her I'm staying," said Hermione."
"Me too," said Ron. And the trio walked toward the common room for the last time...
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theres part 7. sorry its taken so long. i'll try to post part 8 w/in the next week. hope you enjoyed it!

[imacheeto]

PART 8!!! wow, i cant believe i've gotton this far! feedback Enjoy!!
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Harry was waken by an annoying, high-pitched voice. "Dobby?" asked Harry.
"Harry Potter!! I thought you had left for good!"
"Hi... Oh, I see you have some new socks!"
"Yes, and they are freaking awesome!" Dobby replied.
"Where's Ron?" asked Harry, but he thought he already knew.
"He and Hermione are taking a walk, at least that's what he told me.." said Dobby. Harry looked out the window and saw them walking and talking near the lake. Harry grinned. "By the way Dobby, where were you last night? I assumed you had been blown up." "I was on the stairway in the entrance hall, dumping stew on Death Eaters who were coming through the door," he replied. "Cool," said Harry. "I'm gonna go now.." "See ya later!" said Dobby.
Harry decided he'd talk to McGonagall about what had been going on since he left for the Dursley's. After he'd found her and asked her, she frowned. "Things haven't been going well. We have no leads on Voldemort's or any Death Eater's whereabouts. Not including the ones we just defeated. To add to these troubles, apparently there's been a mass breakout in Azkaban. And, all the Death Eaters managed to escape."
"Dang," said Harry, "I just realized; you said Voldemort's name!"
"Ever since Professor Dumbledore died, I have started to say it," she replied.
"Any news specifically about Bellatrix?" asked Harry.
"She is among the Death Eaters that we don't know about. So no."
"Crud," said Harry. "What about Lupin and the rest of the Order?"
"They were here fighting! Didn't you notice?"
"No... "Oh well, thanks for the information."
"Don't mention it." By that time, Ron and Hermione were coming back through the front door. "Great news!" said Ron, "Me and Hermione are getting married!" "Holy cow!!!!!" yelled Harry. "When's the wedding?" he asked.
"We haven't worked that much out," said Hermione, "We still haven't told our parents." "That reminds me: Mum's gonna freak out. She's already going through the shock of Bill getting married," said Ron. "Don't worry, I'm sure that he and Fleur will be done with the wedding by the time we're getting ready for ours," said Hermione. "Probably," said Ron, "Oh and Harry, if you can take a break from, y'know, saving humanity and all that, would you be the best man?"
"Wouldn't miss it for the world. Literally."
"Sweet!" And with that, they all went to tell Hagrid the news. McGonagall was still standing in the entrance hall with her mouth hanging open.

[imacheeto]

feedback Her ya go.
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"Holy sh-"
"Hagrid! Watch your mouth!" said Hermione, although she was grinning.
"Sorry, It's just that this is the best news I've heard in a really long time! So, when's the weddin'?"
"We're not sure yet," Ron replied.
"Well, keep me posted on it, I would DEFINITLY not wanna miss it. Oh, and can I bring Fang? He really likes parties."
"Sure," said Hermione.
"I guess that any wizards or witches coming will have to disguise themselves," said Harry.
"Oh yeah, there'll be Muggles there," said Ron.
"Oh crud, I just remembered, I gotta get home for that protection thing to work," said Harry, "I don't want Voldemort to attack Hogwarts. And Hagrid, is Hogwarts gonna remain open?"
"Yes it is! The new head of Slytherin has yet to be decided, but we've decided on the Gryffindor head of house. Madam Hooch is getting older and can't fly like she used to, so she's taking over as head of Gryffindor. The new flying teacher is Oliver Wood."
"Awesome!" said Harry, "Anyways, thanks for the news. I really have to go now."And with that he grabbed his Firebolt and sped off for home.
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"Dang, I can't believe we lost!" yelled Draco.
"Well whining won't help- Holy freakin' guacamolie! Who's that flying over there? I need a closer look. Visionoculo! he cried pointing at his face. His eyes got really big and he looked out in the broom's direction. "It's that freakin' idiot Potter! Maybe we can follow him home and make a little...housecall," he said with a malicious grin."
"What's a housecall?" asked Draco stupidly.
"Never mind!" replied Snape. Draco started arguing about how Snape always underestimated his intellect. While the two argued, Lucius and the other Death Eaters slipped away. After 20 minutes, Snape and Draco noticed that they had been abandoned. "They totally ditched us! Freakin' butt-holes!" yelled Snape. "Oh well, we can still take a couple of Muggles and Potter, right?" asked Draco.
"Yeah, but we need the other guys!"
"Why?"
"Conversation!"
"So you don't appreciate my company?"
"Um, no."
"Why do you always do this to me?! You need to start treating me with more respect!"
"Why don't you go on Dr. Phil and bore him, cause I'm getting annoyed!"
"You suck!"
"You suck too!"
"Yo momma sucks!"
"Ooooo, you're gonna wish you'd never said that!!!" yelled Snape, and with that he started beating the stuffin' out of Draco. He continued doing this until they were out of breath.
"What the freakin' heck?! You pretty much killed me!"
"Oh, uh, sorry about that. Reparo!" he cried, and Draco's mutilated face returned to normal. "Let's just put this...event behind us," said Snape. "Agreed."
"Good." And with that, they continued in the direction that Harry had flown in hope of finding Number Four of Privet Drive...
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(end of story) there you have it. hope u liked it. btw, i made up that one spell. i combined "vision" with "binoculars", and i got "visionoculo"

[imacheeto]

"Where have you been boy?!" screamed Vernon, "We've been worried that that Dumbledore freak would attack us for not guarding you!"
"Dumbledore's dead," replied Harry, "And I was defending Hogwarts."
"From what?" asked Vernon.
"Death Eaters."
"......" Vernon's face was blank.
""They're followers of Voldemort, ya moron! Didn't you pay attention to anything I said over the summer?"
"Ummmmmm, no."
"Well, now you know! Sheesh, you're an idiot!" Had Harry been several monthes younger, Vernon would have slugged him, but now that he was 17 and could do magic outside of school, Vernon ignored these comments for his body's well being. "Where's Petunia?" asked Harry.
"She's driving with Dudley. She's still tutoring him." Harry s******ed; Dudley was supposed to get his license the year before but failed the exam. So he was supposed to take it again yesterday. Apparently, he failed again. Vernon looked like he was gonnna yell at Harry for laughing at Dudley, when all of a sudden, they saw a flash of green light behind a house several hundred feet away......
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(end of chapter) if ur wondering where the feedback link is, i forgot 2 put it, and as i'm typing this last part, i've decided not 2 because im lazy and dont wanna deal w/ it. srry, just click on a different 1.

[imacheeto]

"What the heck was that?!!" yelled Snape.
"Sorry! I'm really jumpy," replied Draco. Draco had just shot a killing curse at a squirrel. "Potter will be out here any second now, thanks to you!"
"Shut up!" whispered Draco, "you're not helping either!"
"Sorry," muttered Snape. Just when Snape had spoken, they saw Harry approaching. "Show yourselves!" Harry yelled. Draco popped out of the bush and cried, "Avada Kedavra!" Harry ducked just in time. The curse hit a tree, smashing it to bits. "Nice goin', moron!" Snape yelled at Draco.
"Stupefy!" Harry yelled, but Draco and Snape apparated 10 feet to the side. "Aguamenti!" Draco shouted. Harry was pounded onto a nearby house by rushing water. While Harry was pinned down, Snape cried, "Avada Ked-" but just then, Hedwig swooped down onto Snape and started pecking at his eyes. "Get off, ya freakin' idiot!" Snape shouted. Draco lifted his wand, and pointing his wand at Hedwig, he screamed "Accio!" Hedwig flew to Draco's outstretched hand. "Let go of her, moron!" yelled Harry. Draco pointed his wand at Hedwig, Snape pointed his wand at Harry, and both cried, "Avada-", but just then, they heard jingling bells. "NOOOOOO!" yelled Draco, "I thought we'd seen the last of him!" Hedwig took her opportunity and bit Draco and flew back home. Meanwhile, Santa jumped out of his sleigh, and was falling right towards Draco and Snape. Both were to scared to move, but Snape yelled a spell that no one heard over Draco's screaming. Santa slowed in midair, but he still hit Draco and Snape. There was a sickening crunching sound, followed by moans. Harry took this opportunity to grap their wands and snap them in half. Harry then grabbed them by their collars, and apparated with them to the Ministry of Magic.
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(end) well, theres part 11. once again, ive forgotten 2 put a feedbak link. o well, you'll live.

[imacheeto]

part 12! *cheering and applause* this is probably the 2nd or 3rd to last part.*moaning* I might make a "Comody of Errors(and Wizards)2, which will focus on Harry's main adventure(destroying horcruxes, ect.) and Ron & Hermione helping him. but until then, read on!
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"So, Severus Snape and Draco Malfoy, eh? We've been looking for you since May!" said Rufus Scrimegeour. "But I'm really busy now, so I'll transfer ya'll to the Department of Magical Law Enforcement." Harry escorted Snape and Draco to the elevator and took them to said department. The new head of the department, a man named Michael Reed, said, "So! The murderers of Albus Dumbledore, Order of Merlin, and all that other stuff, are finally caught! "But I didn't do it! It was Snape-"
"Shut it, moron!" interrupted Snape.
"Well, one of ya'll did it, but both of you are confirmed Death Eaters!" yelled Reed. "Prove it!" said Draco.
"I can do that!" said Harry. He pulled up Draco's and Snape's left sleeve and showed Reed the Dark Mark. "Well, that settles it. Since you can't really go to Azkaban, we'll have to build a new prison. Or maybe get better security for Azkaban," said Reed.
"I've got an idea! Put the prisoners in chained chairs all day and make them watch Muggle children shows on TV!" Reed, being Muggle born, knew what Harry was talking about. "Perfect! Let's have Telletubbies, Barney, Boobah, Wonder Pets, Max and Ruby... I think that will work for now." And over the next couple hours,(it only took this long because wizards were doing it) Azkaban was revamped. The prisoners didn't know what TVs were, but they soon found out how bad a punishment they were getting. And so ends the adventures of Snape and Malfoy.
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hope you like it.

[imacheeto]

this is definitly the last chapter, but i plan on making a sequel. if anyone wants to read this after they finish it, iit'll be in the library hopefully by the end of the week. and if anyone is wondering about the title, i never intended it to be anything like the actual play, A Comedy of Errors. i just couldn't think of a good title. o well, it is a comedy of wizards at least.
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"Freakin' sweet! Snape and Malfoy are out of the picture!" exclaimed Ron. He, Hermione, Harry, the rest of the Weasleys(except Percy), and Fleur were all sitting in the living room of the Burrow. Harry had come there immediatly to tell them of his most recent adventure. "It is pretty sweet. Now I gotta go kill the Horcruxes," said Harry. "Holy chocolate! I just had an idea!" said Hermione. "Why don't you go interrogate Snape and Malfoy with Veritaserum! Ask 'em if they know about the Horcruxes!"
"M'kay." The next day, Harry went to the new Azkaban, with Veritaserum given to him by the Ministry.
"Yo butts!" said Harry when he reached their cell, "Drink this or I'll break your pinkie!"
"I like having a not-broken pinkie!" whined Draco.
"Me too!" said Snape.
"Ok!" they both said in union. They both drank their tiny portions. Harry then said, "Do you know anything about Voldy's Horcruxes?"
"Uh-uh," said Draco, " I'm just a semi-pointless pawn in his fabulous scheme of world domina-"
"Yeah, yeah, I know. What about you, Greasy-Hair?"
"Yeah..."
"And?"
"Well, I only know about one. The Dark Lord wants me to know some stuff, but remain kinda ignorant, just in case I turn against him. So yeah, that Horcrux is an ancient martini glass owned by Ravenclaw."
"Where is it?"
"In his bedroom."
"Where's his bedroom?"
"In his house."
"Where's his house?! Be more specific!"
"21 Jump Street in LA."
"LA?"
"He just apparates to England all the time."
"Thanks a lot, greasy." And he disapparated back to the Burrow.
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"So I gotta go to LA and smash the magic martini glass."
"You don't here that everyday," said Ron.
"I didn't know they had martinis in the Middle Ages," said Hermione thoughtfully.
"I'm gonna go to the Dursley's to get all my stuff, then destroy the glass.
"We're comin' too," said Ron and Hermione.
"Ok," said Harry. And thus began his latest and probably last adventure...

The End!!