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Jeopardy! The NEW Triwizard Tournament

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Old January 29th, 2007, 5:44 am
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Jeopardy! The NEW Triwizard Tournament

Hi, guys! I haven't been writing on here for awhile, 'cause I've been busy on a writing forum, critiquing stories. Here's something I wrote awhile ago, and plan on continuing. Oh, and I haven't forgotten about my other stories (if anyone cares )

After flipping through three hundred TV channels of inane boringness, Harry and Ron decided to illegally tap into the NWS (National Wizarding Station).

“It’s time for Jeopardy: The New Triwizard Tournament!” boomed the announcer’s voice over thunderous applause.

“Now that’s more like it,” said Harry, kicking off his shoes (Aunt Petunia would have been mortified, had she and her husband and son been home.)

“Brilliant,” mumbled Rob, stuffing a handful of popcorn into his mouth.

“Tonight’s contestants: A young witch who is credited with proving the existence of Nargles, Luna Lovegood.”

“Luna?” Ron laughed and applauded along with the audience.

“A student of Herbology and inventor of the five uses for Stinksap, Neville Longbottom. And our returning champion—by default—Gregory Goyle.”

“Boooo!” Harry and Ron both yelled at the television, pelting popcorn at the screen.

“And here’s the host of Jeopardy, Severus Snape.”

“Snape?” Harry nearly choked on his popcorn. The sallow, hook-nosed Hogwarts professor suddenly appeared on the screen (the cameraman was certain not to zoom in too close).

“Thank you, Mr. Gilbert.” Snape sneered at the screen, causing Harry’s stomach to flip-flop. “Here are tonight’s categories: Latin Roots, Herbology and Defense Against the Dark Arts, Potions, Harry Potter, and finally, Magical Me.” Snape grimaced as he uttered the last two categories.

“What are we watching?” asked Hermione, Apparating into the living room. “Ooh.”

“I’ll take Herbology and DADA for 100 points, Professor,” mumbled Goyle.

“‘Used to repel vampires, this herb is a perennial plant in the family Alliaceae and genus Allium. Snape also uses this for a deodor—’ Who wrote this?” Snape demanded, holding a card high up in the air.

Goyle rang in. “Harry Potter?”

Snape rolled his eyes. “Number one, that was not the question; number two, Harry Potter is not here; and number three, you did not phrase that in the form of a question.”

“Right, sorry.”

“Mr. Longbottom, care to ring in? No?”

Neville was trembling furiously.

“Miss Lovegood? Ah, you dare to answer my question?”

“Doesn’t he mean ‘question his answer?’”

“Shut it, Ron; I’m trying to listen.”

“What is the Flingus Wigworm?” said Luna dreamily.

“No…The correct question, is obviously ‘what is garlic’; had you not been sitting in class, twirling pencils in your hair, you might have remembered, you silly, inane girl! Goyle, select again!”

“Er, potions for 200.”

“The answer: It is the place where one would look to find a Bezoar.”

Hermione’s hand automatically shot up. “Oh, right; sorry,” she said sheepishly as Luna rang in.

“There is no such thing as a Bezoar. It’s all a part of a conspiracy to mutilate goats and sell the tin cans that they eat.”

The audience chuckled, Snape’s lips curled up in what he obviously hoped looked like a good-natured grin. “Mr. Goyle, care to venture a guess?”

Goyle looked at him stupidly and shrugged his shoulders.

Trembling, Neville rang in. “What is ‘in a goat’s stomach’?”

Snape glowered at him. “Since we’re not in a classroom, you find it appropriate to speak out of turn, do you? That’s ten points from you.”

“That’s not fair!” Hermione roared as Neville went negative ten.

Harry and Ron booed and hissed and threw the rest of the popcorn at the television. “Poor Neville,” laughed Ron; “just look at him shake.”

“You’d be wetting your pants right about now if it were you,” Hermione countered coldly.

“Goyle, select again.”

“DADA for 300.”

“It is the color of Wolfsbane, and coincidentally the main color representing Slytherin.”

“What is ‘green’?” shouted Goyle without ringing in.

“300 points for Mr. Goyle. That brings us to our first commercial break.”

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