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Old July 29th, 2007, 3:27 am
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In life, Severus Snape had not much cared for Gilderoy Lockhart. All right, he had hated the blasted fool. Right down from his teeth to his billowing lilac robes, the man was a complete idiotic, moronic, imbecilic fraud.

Now in death, Beyond the Veil, Snape had thought he was finally at peace with all Men…until Lily Potter tactfully pointed out that it was still not the case with Lockhart.

“Sev,” Lily said, “I know the man is—”


“That’s not what I was going to say…but you’re fairly warm. You made peace with Harry—”


“And here you’ve made peace with James. Can’t you find it in your heart to—”

“Lily, if I might,” said Dumbledore, who had popped out of nowhere. “Severus, I’ve been watching the movements of the living world very carefully.”

“I thought we were supposed to move on,” chimed in James, who drifted through a cloud.

“That is so…but I don’t think Severus can until he has set things right with Gilderoy—”

Snape snarled.

“He has become an even bigger threat to himself and the living world. You know what he’s like: taking credit left and right, wiping minds as clean as slates. It would seem that he is now targeting a witch and a squib who are in the process of discovering the thirteenth use for dragon blood.”

Snape felt chills go up and down his spine. “You don’t mean—”

“I believe that she may have stolen my old notes while visiting my office for tea.”

Snape never thought he would hear himself say these words: “If you’re talking about the same woman that I think you are, wouldn’t it be more prudent to allow Lockhart to, shall we say, ‘borrow’ credit?”

“Gilderoy has gone beyond the usual methods of Obliviating. No, he’s becoming more sophisticated. You see, memories can be recovered…people can’t.”

“Avada Kadavra,” whispered Lily.

Dumbledore nodded. “I’ve been talking to Merlin recently, and he believes that someone ought to intervene.”

They all looked at Snape, whose beady eyes were flitting back and forth. “Are you suggesting,” he said slowly, trying to disguise the eagerness in his voice, “that I return to the living world to give him a—visitation?” He was recalling several years previous when he had been visited by three ghosts…along with Richard Simmons and some weird American. Was he being asked to inflict the same kind of torture on Lockhart? Snape tried his best not to smile.

“Are you willing, Severus?”

Snape tried hard to look thoughtful. “Is this an order?”

“We’re all dead, Severus; no one can make you. The choice is entirely yours.”

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Old July 29th, 2007, 9:45 am
House_Elf_21  Undisclosed.gif House_Elf_21 is offline
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Re: Beyond

Sybil Trelawney sat in the heavily perfumed room high over Hogwarts, starring intently at a lump of tealeaves. “I See—I See…Orange Pekoe and Darjeeling with one lump of dissolved sugar!” she wailed. She wiped her enormous glasses on her favorite blue shawl as tears came streaming down her cheeks.

The classroom had been empty for an hour, but still the Slytherin students’ words haunted her mind. “She’s an old fraud;” “—She can’t ‘See’; she couldn’t even tell me my name;” “If you’re so clever, Professor, predict something for me;” “Yeah!”

“I S-See d-danger! Yes, danger! Your aunt is in grave danger,” she had sputtered.

“Auntie Dolores?” that horrible Umbridge girl had laughed.

Then a funny thing had happened: Sybil had fallen asleep. For how long she didn’t know—and if it in fact was sleep, she couldn’t be 100% certain. Her eyes must have been closed, for he had had to open them. And where she had been standing, she had then found herself lying. But if it was truly sleep….

Students had been peering down at her when she opened her eyes, obviously repulsed. “What are you playing at?” a few Slytherins had shouted.

“Excuse me, my dears?”

Danielle Umbridge, who no longer looked so cocky, glared at her. “Aunt Dolores is not going to be murdered.”

“And who said that she would be, d-dear?” Sybil had to remember that the girl’s aunt still had powerful connections, even after the fall of He-Who-Still-Must-Not-Be-Named.

“‘The one with the lilac-colored robe approaches—’” But here the girl had faltered and left the room, wailing.

The students laughed at the professor, taunting her for going “loopy”. “You went all spazzy!” “You sounded like a man!”

The Ravenclaws had been kinder, but still gave her a wide berth as they left. “S-see you tomorrow,” Sybil had called out in what she hoped was a misty voice.

Now, staring down at the dregs in Danielle Umbridge’s cup, she wondered if she would see the students tomorrow—or ever again. Would she be reported to Minerva, who had been temporarily appointment Headmistress? The woman had always thought her a fraud. Would she—Merlin forbid—sack her?

“Where could I go?” Sybil wailed. “What could I d-do? I’m not qualified at anything else but Divination.”

“And even that is debatable,” said a sneering voice from the front of the classroom.

Sybil jumped and looked around; no one was there. “Hello?”


Sybil shrieked, but soon recognized the voice; Snape must be hiding somewhere in the room. “Severus, you should not have come here, I…Severus, aren’t you dead?”

There was an impatient sigh. “So it would seem.”

“I-I can See! I mean Hear!” Sybil tried to regain control of herself as she practically floated across the room, her beads beating against her chest. “Severus, you are in the Beyond.”

“Yes, of course I am, you blasted old bat.”

Sybil looked around, trying to locate the source of the voice. She looked down on the table nearest the fire and screamed when she beheld a greasy, hook-nosed, sallow man glaring up at her from a crystal ball.

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Old August 2nd, 2007, 6:20 am
House_Elf_21  Undisclosed.gif House_Elf_21 is offline
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Re: Beyond

“Get—me—out,” Snape snarled once Trelawney had regained consciousness.

Sybil looked around helplessly. “How?”

“Well, you are the seer—supposedly. You figure it out.”

So Sybil did the first thing that came into her mind. She lifted the crystal ball over her head and threw it with all of her might onto the ground. It shattered into a billion pieces of sand and blew across the floor.

The “seer”, who had taken a few steps backwards and covered her bug-eyes, now looked at a very vivid—and livid—Severus Snape towering over her.

“There was no need for violence.”

“What are you?” she whispered.

“What do you mean ‘what are you’?”

“Obviously you’re either a ghost or a poltergeist. So what are you?”

“How would one go about telling the difference?”

Trelawney laughed condescendingly. “You obviously were not gifted with the Sight nor understanding of the magical art of divination. If you did, you would know what a ghost could do and—”

“Could a ghost do this—” Snape reached out and have her nose a tweak with his fingers.

“Dou,” honked Trelawney.

“Then I think it’s settled. I am most definitely not the impression of a departed soul.” Snape released the woman’s nose and began to examine his body. Just as he had remembered it…though perhaps a little greasier. Tall, wiry…it was a wonder women hadn’t thrown themselves at his feet.

“Why have you come to see me, Severus? Were you not happy in the Beyond?”

“I did not come to see you. I have some unfinished business down here on Earth.”


Snape rolled his eyes, and conjured a dictionary out of thin air. “Business: Noun. Definition 1: A special task, duty, or function. Definition 2: One’s work, occupation or—”

“Enough!” blurted Sybil. She stood there, fuming, glaring at Snape, who merely smirked at her. Apparently ashamed of her conduct, she once again adopted a superior, mystical demeanor. “How can I help you complete your mission, Severus?”

“I’m so glad you asked….”

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Old August 2nd, 2007, 11:57 pm
House_Elf_21  Undisclosed.gif House_Elf_21 is offline
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Re: Beyond

Snape stood with his back turned to the girls’ lavatory, his arms crossed and his right toes tapping the floor to the rhythm of Bonanza. “I’ve been waiting an hour,” he said at long last; “I won’t wait forever.” Deep down he knew he had to; his temporary life-force was bound to Trelawney. So, wherever she went, he would have to stay within a hundred feet. It was like some perverse reversed restraining order.

“I am a Seer! A woman of noble stock! You cannot expect me to do this!” she shrieked. “Besides; Myrtle has stolen my hairbrush.”

Snape closed his eyes and counted to ten, just as his therapist--God rest his soul--had taught him.

“Hello? Are you still there or have you returned to the Beyond?”

“Ghosts cannot—steal—hairbrushes. Now get out here before I come in and drag you out.”

There was a pause. “You wouldn’t dare.”

Snape sneered at the hint of uncertainty in her voice. “1, 2, 3, 4…”

“I’m coming!” The door burst open and out walked—or rather, stumbled—a very different looking Sybil Trelawney. “I—Severus? Are you there? I can’t see a thing without my glasses.”

Snape had to feign a cough to cover his shock. This was the perfect trap for Lockhart. “Let the torture begin,” said Snape.

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Old August 3rd, 2007, 6:40 am
House_Elf_21  Undisclosed.gif House_Elf_21 is offline
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Re: Beyond

“—And that’s how I tamed the mutant hippogriff. But enough about me; let’s talk about my latest book, shall we?” Gilderoy Lockhart reached into his baby-blue cape pocket and pulled out a goldenrod book the width of a muggle toaster oven. He flashed his pearly whites at his audience, then began leafing through the thousand-odd pages of “Remembering Me”…the Daily Prophet’s best-seller for three weeks running.

“Mr. Lockhart,” said one of the many reporters surrounding him, “what was the first memory that returned to you?”

“Well, Broghan—no, get a shot of my right side; my left side is having a bad hair-day—you’ll have to read chapter 73 to find out.” He winked; the witch sighed; and the Quick Quotes Quills continued to dash across blank pages.

“I hear, at the end, you were moved out of the mental ward—”

“The memory damage room,” Lockhart corrected her.

“Sorry,” apologized the Wizard Weekly reporter. “After you were moved out of the memory damage room—”

“Yes, I know where you are going with this. I was sent to the St. Mungo’s Rehabilitation center for those with modified memories.”

“And that’s where you invented the broom that could fly to Jupiter?”

Lockhart laughed. “It wasn’t until I was released that the theory dawned on me.”

“Is it true that the Healer that attended to you was murdered by The Peacock?”

Everyone grew silent, their eyes fixed upon Lockhart. Lockhart’s face dropped and he hung his head, tears apparently welling in his eyes.

“Y-yes,” he said softly. “So young, so young. I—I’m sorry, I can’t….”

Every reporter offered him a lace handkerchief.

“Thank you,” said Lockhart, selecting a mint-green hanky with lace edges.

“Gilderoy,” said Rita Skeeter, and all eyes snapped onto her. “I hear you had a rather comfy relationship with Miss Blakney; are the rumors true that you seek to avenge her death?”

“Well, I—”

“Are you going to be the one to stop one of London’s most gaudy killers?”

“Uh, I never actually said—”

“So are you saying that you are going to let this rest?”

Lockhart began to use the handkerchief to wipe the sweat and running makeup from his face. All eyes were back on him. “I—well, I suppose—”

“Mm-hmm,” said Skeeter. She raised an eyebrow as she looked over at what her Quill had been writing.

“Wait!” cried Lockhart. He then rearranged his face to show a rather dangerous smile, which actually looked rather goofy. “You impugn my honor!”

“So? Are you going to challenge me to a duel?”

“I think we all know who would win that,” laughed a middle-aged wizard. Everyone laughed at Skeeter.

Skeeter, however, did not seem taken down. “That’s settled then; Witch Weekly’s Most Charming Smiler is going to hunt down the Peacock. Lovely.”

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Old August 5th, 2007, 9:42 am
House_Elf_21  Undisclosed.gif House_Elf_21 is offline
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Re: Beyond

"I don't think I can do this," said Trelawney, squinting hard to find Snape. "I still can't see you. How am I supposed to find Gilderoy if I can't even see you?"

"You can't see me because I'm invisible right now," said Snape with all the patience he could muster.


Snape gritted his teeth. "Because I'm supposed to be working under cover. If Lockhart suspects we're working together--"

"I see," Sybil addressed a dirty mop. "But what--"

They both rounded a corner and nearly collided with Professors McGonagall and Flitwick, the latter of which screamed like a little girl. But when he spied Trelawney--her sleek, shiny locks blowing in a draft from the dungeons--her beautifully blue eyes staring into space--her champagne-colored dress snuggly fit to her body--he couldn't help but wolf-whistle.

"Merlin's pants!" he squeaked.

"You hold your tongue," McGonagall barked at the tiny Charms teacher. She then rounded on Professor Trelawney. "Who exactly in the name of Merlin are you and what are you doing in my school?"

"I teach here," said Sybil defiantly.

"S-Sybil? Is that you?" said McGongall. She looked down at Flitwick, who's mouth was agape. "Filius, you're drooling."

"Er, sorry," he squeaked.

"If you will pardon me, Minerva, I have been visited from the beyond and am on an important mission...No, no: do not ask me, for I cannot divulge the secrets of the Other Realm."

McGonagall's nostrils flared. "Naturally. But would you mind, Sybil, draping that shawl around your neck? I'm afraid I cannot tolerate cleavage in my school."

"Ask her about Lockhart," Snape whispred into Trelawney's ear.

"I have been watching the fortunes from the safety of my loft, and I'm afraid that I must seek out Gilderoy and warn him of approaching danger."

"Lockhart? I see. A danger to himself and the community," Minerva murmurred. "He'll naturally be at Flourish and Blotts, signing his latest work of fiction. I--Really, Professor Flitwick, if you need a bib, just say something."

"Salivatory gland problem," he stuttered; "r-runs in the family."

McGonagall rolled her eyes and then marched on, Flitwick at her heels.

"He thought I was pretty," said a stunned Trelawney. "He actually thought I was pretty."

"Yes, yes," said Snape impatiently; "get a move on; I think I hear Peeves."

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Old August 10th, 2007, 2:39 am
House_Elf_21  Undisclosed.gif House_Elf_21 is offline
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Re: Beyond

Snape and Trelawney slowly made their way through the school, trying to avoid attention...well, Snape was anyway. Students were stopping to gawk at the extremely made-over Divination teacher, who was enjoying their attentions indeed.

"Who is that?" asked a third-year Ravenclaw.

"Is that Professor Trelawney?"

"Stop blowing kisses; you look like a complete idiot," Snape hissed.

"Wheeeeeee!" cried a voice from overhead, causing all of the students to scream and scatter.

Peeves was circling over them, chucking dungbombs at anyone who stood still for too long. "You thinketh they stinketh, You wee little students; To get up and move on would be rather prudent. You thinketh you don't liketh this bit? Well, go on, me laddies, you can eat--"

"Peeves!I'm going to get the Bloody Baron, I is," said Filch waving a dirty mop over his head.

"Ooh!" cried Peeves, sweeping down lower. "I'm sooooooo scared of the ickle janitor with his ickle mop. Old Peevesy remembers you don't work here anymore--"

Snape cocked an eyebrow.

"I do, too! Just part time!" cried Filch, sounding somewhat powerless.

"Peevesy knows you're madly in love with that Umbridge cow. Mooooo!"

Now, Snape had never really cared for Filch. But, even he had to agree that the poltergeist was going too far. He sneaked up behind the squat little man and--

"Eewww!" screamed a bunch of first-year girls, for Snape had pulled down the Poltergeist's trousers.

"What? What did I miss?" asked Trelawney as Peeves screamed bloody murder.

"That--was--priceless!" Filch roared as the poltergeist went zooming out of sight. "Wait 'til I tell Dolores."

"So, they are working together," thought Snape. But he would worry about that later. He knew that he and Trelawney needed to get to Flourish and Blotts before it closed.

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