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Ask Snape - The Game



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  #21  
Old November 6th, 2008, 12:43 pm
SallyTSKD  Undisclosed.gif SallyTSKD is offline
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Re: Ask Snape -- The Game

Madame Mophrey -

I rejoice to hear that I have won a prize, which must certainly have been the result of someone else entering my name in your draw, since I have never patronised, or indeed heard of, your establishment before.

If this prize is a fixed and predetermined one, I see absolutely no need for me to waste my valuable time fetching it. Kindly pack it up and send it to me forthwith. (Indeed, you could have saved your own time by enclosing it with your first letter.) In the likely event that I find the prize unsuitable for my own use, I can give it as a birthday present to someone else with different tastes - say, Lucius Malfoy. And if I feel that it would not suit any of my friends either, it will still come in handy. There is always a need for rags to mop up accidental spillages in the Potions lab that are resistant to magical cleaning.

If the prize I have won entitles me to make my own choice of garment, please let me know by return of owl how much it is worth, so that I can determine whether its value will compensate me for my trouble in going to choose it. I may well still decide to let you make the selection for me, and send it on. There will be no need for exact measurements, since I like my garments loose fitting. Anything in plain black will do nicely.

I expect a prompt response. If I do not hear from you within the week I shall take it that this has been a fraudulent attempt to solicit my custom by the false offer of gifts, and send your letter on to the appropriate department at the Ministry of Magic.

Yours etc

S.Snape

[Sorry - no time now to think of another question. I'll add one later when I think of one - or if anyone else has something they'd like to ask please feel free to post it yourself right away.]


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  #22  
Old November 8th, 2008, 6:24 pm
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Re: Ask Snape -- The Game

Dear Professor Snape,

Will you teach my son Albus Severus all you know about potions Sir? He is joining School this year!

Harry Potter.


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The man who, in my opinion, won the war against Voldemort for Harry Potter and the Light! Severus Snape!

There is nothing of which every man is so afraid, as getting to know how enormously much he is capable of doing and becoming - Soren Kierkegaard

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  #23  
Old November 17th, 2008, 2:58 pm
trollsclub  Male.gif trollsclub is offline
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Re: Ask Snape -- The Game

I will teach him yes, but I can promise you that my class is not for the faint of heart, and knowing you, Potter, I'm not quite sure if your spawn can make it all the way. But we shall see, we shall see (evil grin and quiet chuckle).


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  #24  
Old November 17th, 2008, 3:09 pm
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Re: Ask Snape -- The Game

You have to ask Snape a question too trollsclub! Sally TSKD did not ask the question and so I asked it.


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The man who, in my opinion, won the war against Voldemort for Harry Potter and the Light! Severus Snape!

There is nothing of which every man is so afraid, as getting to know how enormously much he is capable of doing and becoming - Soren Kierkegaard

Spotlight on Snape and Molly

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  #25  
Old December 9th, 2008, 4:20 am
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Re: Ask Snape -- The Game

Since it's been nearly a month . . .

DADDY!!!

Remember me?!?! Your beautiful long-lost daughter from America who was sorted into Sparklypoo House and Voldy is my soul-mate and we made lots of veela babies because I'm part Veela!!! But OMG I have a big problem! Because I'm so beautiful and smart and talented and charming, all of these handsome guys keep asking me out. And my lovely Voldykins doesn't like this, so he keeps dueling them and killing them off!! I love my Voldy very much, but I don't want anyone to die because I'm the nicest person in the world and I love life and don't want anyone to die! Please help me Daddy!

Your goddess-like daughter,
Serena Moonstone Unicorn Bloodbane Crystal Skywalker Starlight Venus Dumbledore Black Potter Snape

(Ahh, what memories this brings back. Ignisia, are you on this thread? Do you remember her? (Post 37)


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  #26  
Old December 9th, 2008, 7:17 am
SlytherinsHeir  Undisclosed.gif SlytherinsHeir is offline
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Re: Ask Snape -- The Game

Miss. Serena etc. etc. etc. Snape,

Enclosed is the universal restraining order I have against all Mary Sues. Voldemort is currently being fought, so you shouldn't have the problem of him killing these boys for much longer. Alternately, you will be able to choose one of them instead of the Dark Lord for your boyfriend.

~Severus Snape

P.S. If you ever contact me again, I'll hex you into next week. Am I clear? Good.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Mr. Snape,

Hello! I would love to have an interview with you for the Daily Prophet! Please owl me back with the time and place!

Hoping to see you soon!
Rita Skeeter

P.S. You don't mind if I use a Quick Quotes Quill, do you? I thought not!


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  #27  
Old December 9th, 2008, 7:52 am
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Re: Ask Snape -- The Game

Dear Ms Skeeter,

You are most welcome to interview me. You may meet me on Monday in my Potions Lab, where we can have tea as well. I will be preparing another version of veritaserum where the effects are permanent, and I assure you, I will not be mixing it in your drink.

Looking forward to seeing you and your Quick Quill.

S.Snape.
----------------

Snivellus,

I want to tell you that I am marrying Lily this Saturday. I hope you will be very jealous.

With great smugness,

James Potter, the great Gryffindor,

Prongs! (more jealousy from you, because you won't know what it means) Yes!


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The man who, in my opinion, won the war against Voldemort for Harry Potter and the Light! Severus Snape!

There is nothing of which every man is so afraid, as getting to know how enormously much he is capable of doing and becoming - Soren Kierkegaard

Spotlight on Snape and Molly

:indy:
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  #28  
Old December 9th, 2008, 11:45 am
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Re: Ask Snape -- The Game

Quote:
Originally Posted by The_Green_Woods View Post
Snivellus,

I want to tell you that I am marrying Lily this Saturday. I hope you will be very jealous.

With great smugness,

James Potter, the great Gryffindor,

Prongs! (more jealousy from you, because you won't know what it means) Yes!
Potter,

What are you, six years old?

Of course I know what Prongs means.

Yawning,

S.S.




Dear Professor Snape's Portrait,

Hopefully you will find this note which has been Spell-o-taped onto your frame.

As much as we all appreciate your long expertise in Potions here at Hogwarts, I would be deeply obliged if your portrait would refrain from making unhelpful remarks to the students, and our current -- and very competent -- Potions teacher, in the first-floor dungeon.

And yes, that room did need a makeover, regardless of your (highly valued) opinion.

I value, as always, your cooperation in these matters.

Yours sincerely,

Professor Circe Havelock
Headmistress of Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry, 2015-


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  #29  
Old December 9th, 2008, 1:55 pm
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Re: Ask Snape -- The Game

Headmistress!

I do not know what you mean about unhelpful remarks. *raises eyebrow in disdain*

And I do not care about the Potions room being made over. I merely observed that creating sunlight in the potion dungeos to make it look bright?! would lead to amusing and in some cases extremely messy results when certain potions are brewed.

I understand you wish the room be bright and cheerful *curls lip in a frightening smile* then so be it.

Only make sure you and the idiot who teaches potions don't coime running to me asking for advice when everything blows up.

S. Snape
-----------

Dear Severus,

I want to adopt you as my son. Will you agree?

Albus Dumbledore

P.S I will teach you how to twinkle if you agree. *twinkle* *twinkle*


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The man who, in my opinion, won the war against Voldemort for Harry Potter and the Light! Severus Snape!

There is nothing of which every man is so afraid, as getting to know how enormously much he is capable of doing and becoming - Soren Kierkegaard

Spotlight on Snape and Molly

:indy:
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  #30  
Old December 10th, 2008, 1:02 am
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Re: Ask Snape -- The Game

Headmaster,

I know that I promised you that I'd do anything when you agreed to hide Evans and her family, but this is just too far. And, as I recall, you never did hold up your end of the bargain. I do not wish to live out the remainder of my days flitting about with muggles and sucking on lemon drops. Besides, the name is just hideous. Severus Dumbledore? It sounds like one of those "fanfiction" names . . .
So my answer, to put it bluntly, is no, absolutely not, never in a million years, no. No, no, no, no, no.
Severus Snape

---------------------------------------------------
Hiya Professor Snape!

I was wondering if I could get some pictures of you sometime? I've gotten really good at developing film so that the people move, and I want to prove that I've actually had you as a Potions teacher! Please respond as soon as you can!

Yours excitedly,
Colin Creevey


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  #31  
Old December 18th, 2008, 11:17 pm
Luna_Luvr55  Female.gif Luna_Luvr55 is offline
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Re: Ask Snape -- The Game

Dear Mr.Snape,

YOU'VE WON!!! Your name was entered in the grand prize drawing at our store! Please come to Madam Mophrey's Fashion Robes in Diagon Alley to pick up your prize!

Sincerely,
Madam Mophrey

P.S. Out of curiosity, why did you ask Lucius Malfoy to enter your name instead of doing it yourself
--------------------------
Madam Mophrey,

I have won nothing of the sort, as I have never set foot in your ridiculous shop, let alone heard of it. However, whatever I would normally recieve I will generously give to a Miss Luna Lovegood, daughter of Xenophilius Lovegood, editor for The Quibbler, who desperately needs a new look. In addition, Lucius Malfoy is frequently playing seemingly harmless pranks on me, so he must have thought it laughable to execute this little trick.

Unsincerely,
Severus Snape

Mr. Snape,

Just a(n un)friendly question, but have you EVER heard of CONDITIONER??? I mean, that was probably one of the TOP reasons Lily "left" you. (There wasn't much to leave, though. I mean, like, LOOK at yourself in a mirror some time, even if it shatters when it has to reflect your total hideousness.) Also, you should totally go to the spa, and ask for Brynne sometime. I singed my hair a couple of weeks ago, and she gave me a totally new, awesome cut.

With more love than you deserve,
Shelby K.
---
Note: If anyone with the name Shelby K. reads this, it is totally coincidental.


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Last edited by Luna_Luvr55; December 18th, 2008 at 11:20 pm.
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  #32  
Old December 19th, 2008, 3:22 am
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Re: Ask Snape -- The Game

Dear Miss K.

I do not know who you are or how you managed to send this owl to me, but has it ever occurred to you that my hairstyle is intentional? Are there any respectable Death Eaters out there with spa treatments and styled hair? (Other than Lucius, but he's always been a pampered git). Then again, I suppose that one with your amount of intellect no doubt struggled in the composition of that sorry excuse for a letter. My personal life is none of your concern and it would benefit you to leave me alone.

-Professor Snape
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Professor,

Hey! It's me Colin again! I never got a response to my earlier letter about me taking some photographs of you. I'm really looking forward to it so please let me know when I can meet you!

Ever anxious,
Colin Creevey


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  #33  
Old December 27th, 2008, 3:47 am
Luna_Luvr55  Female.gif Luna_Luvr55 is offline
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Re: Ask Snape -- The Game

Mr. Creevey,

NEVER contact me AGAIN! You will receive NO pictures. In addition, you must clean up your Potions grade severely. As it appears that Miss Cressmitt is the cause of your distraction, you are forbidden to sit at her table. Also, please make an attempt to be a little less obvious when you chatter incessantly in your high, obnoxious voice throughout the entire class period.

Professor Snape

---------------------------------------

Prof. Snape,

Is there the smallest possibility that I might be able to borrow a few of your potions books? The staff at Flourish and Blotts will only allow you to purchase your year's required material, and the library has a fairly limited source on the types I am looking for. If you could be so kind, please have a few volumes prepared for me at our next potions class. (Right after lunch, Tuesday.)

With all respect,
Hermione Granger


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I wonder, how am I supposed to feel when you're not here
'Cause I burned every bridge I ever built when you were here
I still try holding onto silly things, I never learn
Oh why, all the possibilities I'm sure you've heard
That's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa

~92% of teens moved on to rap music. If you're part of the 8% that rock out everyday, put this in your sig.~

Last edited by Luna_Luvr55; December 27th, 2008 at 3:58 am.
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  #34  
Old December 27th, 2008, 10:29 pm
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Re: Ask Snape -- The Game

Miss Granger,

The object of the class is for me to teach you this year's requirements, not those of the following years. As such, I will make no effort to treat you any differently from the rest of my students, and so you, like them, shall receive only the textbooks which are required for this year. We are all perfectly aware that you are an insufferable know-it-all, so there is no need to flaunt the fact so arrogantly.

Professor Snape

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Professor,

I was wondering if you could give me an extra hand in monitoring students' behaviours? The little brats are coming up with new ways to hide their mischief from me, and I know that many of them fear, ah, respect you greatly. Your assistance would certainly lower the crime rate of these deliquents and be of great use to Mrs. Norris and myself.

Yours,
Argus Filch


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  #35  
Old January 13th, 2009, 3:38 pm
janblack  Female.gif janblack is offline
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Re: Ask Snape -- The Game

Mr. Filch
As much as I would like to spend all my free time in assisting you to find those insolent bats doing mischief, I would like to know when will my robes be changing to their original colour of black? Will I get to know who in this wretched castle changed my robes pink??
Professor Snape

********************

Dear Severus
When will you stop tormenting those poor students?
Yours
Lily Potter



Last edited by janblack; January 15th, 2009 at 1:23 pm.
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  #36  
Old March 18th, 2009, 2:28 pm
Kuumi  Female.gif Kuumi is offline
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Re: Ask Snape -- The Game

Dear Lily,

Perhaps if they were not so incompetent, I would not have to.
But fine, I will stop "tormenting those poor students" when Longbottom can brew a potion without causing anything to explode.

Yours,
Severus Snape.

---------

Dear Professor Snape,

How are those pink robes working out for you? [/grin]
I didn't intend for them to be so neon, however.

Have fun~~,
Your Mom.

P.S. What? You thought I would use my name? [/laughs]

[[ Wow, thsoe failed. xD I'm not good at snarky-ness. But I wanted to take part. |D ]]


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  #37  
Old March 20th, 2009, 4:05 am
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Re: Ask Snape -- The Game

Dear Miss Mom,

One would assume a millennium wold suffice for the Sorting Hat to realize grievous delusions of our Founders and add "common sense" to the list of desirable qualities in our students. As it is, I can only hope it will refrain from sorting any apprentice dunderheads into my house this year.

Consider yourself under detention. I will be seeing you in Potions classroom this Saturday, 8 PM sharp; you will be scrubbing Mr. Longbottom's old cauldrons. No need to bring the protective gloves.


Professor Severus Snape

P.S. Next time change the last name as well, perhaps?


----------


Dear Severus,

I am truly sorry to intrude on you yet again with our family matters, but I was wondering whether you have observed any signs of unusual behavior in Draco while at school. He seems rather... afflicted these days, and I am beginning to suspect some variety of Love Potion involved.



Yours sincerely,
Narcissa Malfoy

P.S. In lieu of apology for my husband's recent display of most immature whimsy, let me also take this opportunity to invite you to high tea at Malfoy Manor, on this coming Friday. Black tie is optional.


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Last edited by Daggerstone; March 21st, 2009 at 5:26 pm.
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  #38  
Old March 23rd, 2009, 7:59 pm
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Re: Ask Snape -- The Game

To Mrs. Malfoy

As much as it might strike you as unbelievable I have more pressing matters then being on the lookout for any youths afflictions be that potionwise or other.

Sincerely
Prof. Snape

P.S. As far as I am concerned black tie requiring tea parties do not necessarly constitute a satisfactory appology. Any better ideas are nevertheless welcomed. Note that failure to do so will result in grevious detentions on Draco that might even free him from mentioned afflictions.

Untill then...

__________________________________________


Dear Professor Snape

I was wondering wether you could help me with a two foot long parchment of essay that I am required to complete for the Department of Magical Cooperation on Cauldron Fatigue Due to Foreign Materials. All Input would be highly welcomed and accordingly rewarded by our department.

Sincerely

Percy Weasley


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SNAPE'S MAN THROUGH AND THROUGH

Last edited by halfbloodsnape; March 23rd, 2009 at 8:02 pm.
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  #39  
Old March 26th, 2009, 11:42 pm
Yarrow  Undisclosed.gif Yarrow is offline
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Re: Ask Snape -- The Game

Mr. Percy Weasley,

No. Just because.

Sincerely,
Severus Snape

-------------------------

Dear Snapey,
How many times a year do you wash your hair?

yours truly,
some random, anonymous, short, bespectacled first-year girl


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  #40  
Old March 28th, 2009, 1:28 pm
TheCon  Female.gif TheCon is offline
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Re: Ask Snape -- The Game

Dear first year worm,

I do not think that my washing habits are of any of your concern.
While you may think you are being funny, I can assure you that acting the fool will get you nowhere, especially not with me. I'm going to assume that you are of the Gryffindor house, therefore 50 points will be taken for sheer stupidity and arrogance.

Professor Snape.

-------------------

Dear Professor Snape

I was wondering whether you consider black to be sliming...?

Anonymous.


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