Ask Snape - The Game

[Sinistra_Furze]

Mr Whetstone

I will be happy to join you and Morpheus for a walk this evening. We can make the most of the peace and quiet before the students return for the start of term. I would like to hear from you the nature of the request the Headmaster made before commenting upon it.

Prof Snape



By hand

Dear Mr S

Thank you for your invaluable assistance in the matter recently drawn to your attention. I have been asked to let you know there is one less spoken of than I who is not particularly interested in how your personal investigations are progressing and suggests that you not bother to pursue them any further. He is sure neither you nor Mr Whizbang would want to be drawn into matters beyond your immediate field of expertise.
No reply required.

Yours most sincerely

Unspeakable R

-- ---

Severus

Thank you so much for the voucher for the robes. Ginny and I are going along to Napps tomorrow, she’s helping me choose. I was wondering would you like to join us for lunch afterwards. I’d like your opinion on the offer of a job I’ve recently received. My treat, hope you can make it.

Regards

Hermione

[SadiraSnape]

Hermione --

I was pleased to join you and the estimable Ginevra for lunch. Thank you so much for the invitation, and I hope I did not put you out too much by insisting on picking up the tab. After all, a gentleman never allows a lady to pay.

I hope my advice on the job position helped you to make up your mind. I believe you will be a true asset, and please do remember that I shall do all in my power to help you, if you wish it. I feel your talents and abilities will be most ably employed in this position, and that you will experience growth and satisfaction you would be hard-pressed to find elsewhere.

I look forward to the announcement. I also look forward to seeing you in your new dress robes -- what color did you decide on?

As ever,

S

-------------------

Unspeakable R:

Has Potter been spreading tales out of school again?

Just curious.

S.

----------------

Severus --

I have met with Siggy and Morpheus, and they both insist that I must discuss my project with you in attendance before Morpheus will accede to my request. How interesting!! You seem to have made quite the positive impression on both, and young Siggy especially seems to have developed quite a case of hero worship for you.

You must not have been frightening him on a daily basis on your trip! That pleases me a great deal.

Do you think you could stop by my office this afternoon for tea, so that we could discuss my project? And yes, I am missing some small shiny gadgetry... do you happen to know anything about it?

A.

[Sinistra_Furze]

Filius

Incontrovertible photographic evidence enclosed showing that I have, in fact, won our little wager. You can hand over my winnings when I deliver the book on charms you asked me for. I managed to get you the 3rd edition, which I’m sure you will be pleased about, all the errors of the 2nd corrected and including that useful little charm which was misguidedly expunged from subsequent editions.

In anticipation

Severus

--- --- ---

by hand

Mr S

We called early on Mr W to examine the previously mentioned item you commissioned and collected from his shop yesterday. Given the nature of your recent investigations on our behalf you will understand our need for caution regarding the manufacture of items of a similar nature. We were pleased to discover no cause for concern in the process or materials used. We remain curious as to why you decided to have the piece made at such expense, but will not pursue the matter further at present.

R

--- --- ---

Severus

The whole point of inviting you to have lunch was to be able show my appreciation of your generosity in gifting me the Voucher for the robes, and for looking after Siggy and I so well in Egypt. By insisting on paying you deprived me of that small satisfaction. I wish you could have accepted my thanks in this way.

You will see the new robes when I attend the Ministry Autumn Ball in a few weeks. I will be attending with a friend of Ginny’s, who is said to be a most modern young wizard, from the Dept of International Co-operation. Will you be attending? If not I could always have a photo taken at the event to show you later.

sincerely

Hermione

[SadiraSnape]

Hermione --

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to tarnish our luncheon. Set it down to the foibles of an older generation -- in my day the lady never paid, lest the gentleman be seen as a scoundrel of the first degree. In future I shall attempt to control my more chivalrous impulses -- I do not know if I shall be able to simply let a door smack you in the face rather than hold it, though... but I shall attempt to do so, if it will make you happy.

(In case it isn't apparent, I am joking. I would never allow a door to smack you in the face... unless you deserved it. )

I shall indeed be attending the Ministry Ball, much as I would prefer to decline. Albus has threatened me with some rather unpleasant rotations on the staff duty list if I don't show up. So I'm looking forward to at least part of the function, knowing you will be there.

I'm also looking forward to seeing you at Hogwarts for teacher planning days during the two weeks preceding the new school year.

Yours,

Severus

-------------

Severus --

I find it hard to believe that Ms Granger was unable to keep her hair controlled!! But proof is proof, so I shall pay over. Would you be interested in another little wager concerning how long before a student melts a cauldron in her first year class?

Incidentally, Siggy just showed me a most fascinating binding charm! Would you know anything about it?

Glad you're back.

Filius

[Sinistra_Furze]

Molly

Your progeny are now all of age and answerable for their actions. If your youngest son has any matters he would like to discuss then he should ask me for an appointment (though I expect to be exceptionally busy as the start of term approaches).
Perhaps, if it is not too forward of me, I might suggest you revisit his social etiquette lessons, as accosting me in the middle of the dance floor at a Ministry function was not the best thought out means of addressing his personal insecurities.

Yours sincerely

Severus Snape

--- --- ---

Well, Severus,

what’s this I’ve heard about a disturbance at the Ministry Ball. Is it true that you hexed the Weasley boy? Please tell me it’s so... lend me the memories and I’ll lend you that book on the Alchemist you were asking after.

There are rumours you will be starting a new job come the start of term. We really should get together soon over a bottle of Old Ogdens. You can tell me all about your recent trip to Egypt to collect ingredients where I hear you had your hands full. But perhaps I was misinformed, time you put the record straight, Severus.

Your old friend

Lucius

[SadiraSnape]

Lucius --

You misheard, or your informant was less than informed. I didn't actually hex the youngest Weasley boy, but I did recommend he cease and desist immediately or he would find himself far too deeply into a duel which he did not want and could not win. I have to admit, though, the idea of a red-headed walking stick was tempting, and I believe it would have gone well as a gift for you.

However, if I were he, I would keep a close eye on the length of my fingernails and the color of my freckles. Not admitting to anything, but unattended cups of punch and a bottle of NailGro-FreckleGlo Philtre I happened to find in my dress robes don't often mix well...

I would be delighted to meet with you and share some Old Ogden's. My position at Hogwarts has indeed changed, and the trip to the Middle East was quite... interesting. It wasn't my hands that were full, though... my eyes, on the other hand, were quite a different matter.

As ever,

S.

---------------

Professor Snape:

I do not appreciate the way you were hanging around Hermione at the Ministry Ball. She was supposed to be my date, but I just waited too long to ask her. I don't care what Ginny says about her going with a friend of hers (Ginny's), she was still my date.

You're way too old to be interested in a 26 year old witch anyway. A word to the wise, you old bat -- stay away from Hermione. And by the way, I've noticed I have to clip my fingernails 3 times a day, and my freckles are glowing in the dark -- I don't even need a flashlight, they're so bright.

You didn't have anything to do with that, did you? I think it's only fair that you provide me with an antidote.

Ron Weasley
Auror-In-Training

[Sinistra_Furze]

Mr Weasley

Think of it as a blessing. You can now take the lead broom on night training exercises instead of the Lanterne Rouge.

A word of advice to the ill-prepared; I have been asked to provide some practical demonstrations for Aurors-in-training at some point this year. You would do well to pay more attention to your studies and less to other people’s private business. I have so far been very tolerant, do not expect it to last.

Prof S Snape

--- --- ---

Prof Snape Sir

I was thinking of having my phoenix feather used to make a new wand as my current one used to belong to Uncle Grimstone (the one who invented the Effrego curse) and I’d like one made specially for me. Do you think this is a good idea, Sir? If so would you accompany me to Mr Ollivanders?

Siggy Whetstone

[SadiraSnape]

Mr Whetstone --

I think that is an excellent idea. I'm sure Mr Ollivander can select the appropriate wood for your new wand. I personally believe that wands should never be passed on unless the one receiving the wand is already attuned to the wand.

When would you like to go? Since term has just started, things are not too busy for me right now. Perhaps this weekend would be a good time.

Let me know.

Prof Snape

-----------------

Severus --

I had thought about changing the Potions curriculum after Christmas, by adding a new potion that I believe would be both a challenge and quite enjoyable for the First Years. It would also allow them to lay a bit of groundwork for next year.

The potion I'm considering is Hair-Raising Potion. I think it would be amusing yet harmless. They wouldn't attempt it until the last few weeks of school -- they won't have the skills before then.

What do you think?

Hermione

[Sinistra_Furze]

Filius

I know the troublesome first year students you refer to. If they hadn’t tried to hide the evidence of their misdemeanours by flushing them away (and causing a flood) we might never have realised young Ruby Witherwick and Noxious Blaxenhall were the ones responsible for the Wet-start fireworks display that disrupted the first breakfast meal of the school year. Since Miss Witherwick is one of yours and Blaxenhall one of mine I suggest we keep each other up to date on the duo’s careers.

I’m off to Diagon Alley at the weekend with Whetstone, anything you would like me to get for you?

Regards

Severus

--- ---

Prof Snape

I heard on your recent trip to Egypt you harvested Nile leeches by throwing a boy into the water, only pulling him out when you had a good enough crop to pluck from his skin. I expect you would want to give your side of the story before the article is published in the Prophet. You know where to owl me.

sincerely

Rita Skeeter

[Pokota]

Rita Skeeter

I have been advised by one of my students to remind you that the Daily Prophet would pay you a large sum for an insider's account of life in Azkaban. Said student refused to share her blackmail material with me, but suffice it to say that she is not pleased with the fact that you've, in her words, "threatened one of the few remaining competent teachers at Hogwarts."

My question is, how did you make such a formidable foe of a muggleborn?

~ S. Snape, Hogwarts Potions Master

----------

Severus,

Why am I hearing rumors that you painted the Ravenclaw common room blue? More to the point, why wasn't it the Gryffindor common room? I'd have been happy to help.

~LP

[SadiraSnape]

Mrs Potter --

I believe it best for all parties concerned if you refrain from contacting me. As I've mentioned before, the spectral owls you must employ tend to frighten the First Years.

And why in the world would I paint anyone's common room? Besides being a waste of effort, easily remedied by a simple Abdo pigmentum, blue is one of Ravenclaw's colors; I hardly find painting their common room some shade of same to be much of a prank...

Now tend to your otherworldly affairs and allow me to tend to mine. I've moved on; I suggest you do so as well.

S

--------------

Ms Skeeter --

Just a few more thoughts.

Once again your skills in reportage absolutely boggle the mind. I find your unwavering dedication to the journalists' Code of Ethics a constant source of amazement and admiration. Why, your manner of inquiry into the topic you mentioned simply exudes professionalism and embodies the credo Primum non nocere!

I firmly recommend you do not pursue this particular -- ahem -- bug in your ear, or you may find yourself squashed.

Did I mention that Ms Hermione Granger is now Potions Professor here at the school? No? Perhaps you should take that into consideration...

S. Snape
Master, Defence Against The Dark Arts

-----------

Severus --

Why yes, I'd like you get me a case of Ice Mice, if you would. I have some waiting for me at the Honeydukes' franchise there. Feel free to take a few for yourself.

I've been watching young Ruby since your suggestion, and she does seem to spend an inordinate amount of time with that scamp Noxious. They're both very bright children, and I don't think it worrisome that they've formed an alliance; actually, I'd like to see more inter-house friendships -- it would go a long way towards healing the rifts between the Houses.

I did notice them closeted in the Library earlier today -- I overheard something about the Shrieking Shack and "blood on the floor"... you don't think they're planning to go there, do you? Surely it was cleaned up after you were found!!

Oh dear...

Give Siggy my regards.

Filius

[GrimeldaDursley]

Filius,

Yes, it was cleaned up. I saw the place after I was able to get out and about after the incident. So if there was any blood there, I can assure you it was not mine! Drat! I suppose we need to go check it out! I will say that I really do not care to go back in there, but I see no other alternative. When will it be convenient for you, Filius? I imagine we'd better go as soon as possible.

I will be happy to drop by Honeydukes and pick up your package for you. No offense intended, but I will decline your offer of a few of the mice. I used to like them when I was younger, but a nasty prank by that wretched James Potter in my fifth year rather put me off of them forever. Do let me know when we can check out the Shrieking Shack.

Severus

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Prof Snape:

How dare you imply what you did in your last owl! As if I would do anything illegal! Just remember, though, I have eyes everywhere so you need to watch your step!

Sincerely

Rita Skeeter

[Pokota]

Ms. Skeeter:

You know that Hermione Granger is working on a spell that will force an animagus to assume their animagus form, yes? It's a very interesting application of the Animagus Revealer spell. You know, the one that all Hogwarts teachers now have instructions to cast on any and all insects before squashing them? It would give the Auror Department a higher accuracy rate in dealing with illegal animagi...

S. Snape, Hogwarts Potions Master

----------

TO THE HEADMASTER OF HOGWARTS
- IMPORTANT -

It has come to my attention that Undesirable Number One will be attempting to break into Hogwarts, most likely via Hogsmeade. Please make sure that the Curfew is strictly enforced from henceforth, and increase nighttime patrols of the corridors, especially on the Seventh Floor. I need not remind you that such extra security measures are for the greater good of all Wizardkind. Also, please inform Amycus and Alecto that there is a possibility that the aforementioned Undesirable will attempt to break into the Ravenclaw common room.

Pius Thicknesse
Minister for Magic

[SadiraSnape]

Minister --

I assure you, I am quite aware of the possibility that Potter may attempt to enter Hogwarts. All commonly known avenues of entry have been sealed, are guarded, or are otherwise monitored by faithful appointees.

Do not presume to tell me my business, and I shall withhold my own opinions on your abilities.

S. Snape
Headmaster
Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry

---------------

Severus --

I wonder if I could meet with you for tea this Friday? You've never given me your opinion on using the Hair-Raising potion in my first year class.

Speaking of first years, I caught Ruby Witherwick and Noxious Blaxenhall hanging about the potions storerooms. When I asked them what they were doing there, Ruby remained silent but Noxious was quite, well, noxious to me, sneering and making comments about my right to question him.

Since Noxious is in Slytherin, I thought I should let you know about his cheek. I took 10 points from both their houses for being out of bounds, and 5 more from Noxious for his manners, but you might want to address this with him yourself.

Hermione

[Pokota]

Miss Granger;

I will speak with the two boys separately, although I know Witherwick has no reason to be anywhere near the storeroom.

As for meeting this Friday for tea, I am afraid that I cannot be anywhere on Friday other than St. Mungos for another test.

~S. Snape

----------

Dear Sir;

How, exactly, do you manage to receive and respond to all of your mail? Or is there more than one Severus Snape? Or, perhaps, does every Severus Snape receive the piece of mail, and then the best one for the job responds to it?

~Lynn Merl

[SadiraSnape]

Ms (or Mr) Merl (whichever, makes no nevermind to me) --

I, as Severus Snape, exist in all timelines required by the questions asked. Some timelines exist in alternate universes. Some timelines exist in the afterlife (obviously, I prefer the timelines that allow me to exist as a living, breathing entity -- I find it somewhat unnerving to respond to the living when one is a spectre; smacks too much of dealing with Sybill Trelawney). There is only one of me corporeally at any given point in time, but there are an infinity of me existing along all possible timelines. The placement of a particular question within a particular timeline calls that particular me into corporeality. When that question is answered, that momentary corporeal me returns to the sphere of probable possible me's, and another me is brought to the fore.

I trust this answers your query sufficiently. If not, it is of no concern to me. I have far weightier issues to ponder, such as why you would think a child named "Ruby" would be male...

Yours in quanta,

S Snape
Here, There, and Everywhere

---------------

Severus --

A test? Whatever for? Are you unwell? Is there anything I can do?

Hermione

[GrimeldaDursley]

Dear Sir,

Thank you for clearing that up, I think. I guess people seem to forget that fictional characters have a somewhat wider latitude than those who exist in the real world. Which brings to mind a little question: Who is fictional and who isn't? Are you real? Or actually then am I real? Who is really really real and who is really really not real? Who can say who's really really real and who's really really not real? I am really confused!

Perplexedly,
LM

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Miss Granger,

There is nothing to be alarmed about. Please don't worry. It is nothing, I assure you.

Again, do not worry!

Severus

[SadiraSnape]

Dear Junior Philosopher:

I am as real (or unreal) as any particular person cares to make me. I can exist in the mind, on paper, as a piece of writing, or a piece of art. I can even be corporeal, under certain circumstances. As the Pharaohs of Egypt said, as long as your name is spoken, you have eternal life. It would seem I have a multitude of eternities.

As for your own reality, that is something that is determined by you. I may be the only real person, and everything else has been created by my own imagination. Or you may be the only real person, and everything else is a construct of your imagination.

Or consider this: we both are merely temporary constructs of some other being's idle thoughts on a sunny Sunday afternoon. Our memories are nothing but ephemera that never really happened.

How would one ever know. More to the point, what is the point of knowing. Either we are all imaginary, we are all real, or some of us are real and some are imaginary. It does not change anything about our current circumstances at all, as we cannot affect our intrinsic realness or not-realness.

In effect, we are all our own Schrodinger's Cats, and we cannot open our own boxes.

Now go away. I must grade some scrolls, and I am low on red ink.

S

------------

Severus --

Miss Granger has informed me that you are going to St Mungo's this Friday for some tests. Are you quite well? I was under the impression you had collected sufficient Resurrection Flower to last you the next 5 years.

Is there anything I can do?

Albus

[Sinistra_Furze]

Albus

I assure you there is nothing seriously amiss. Prof Granger, not content to worry about her own concerns has taken in upon herself to worry about mine as well, despite my confident reassurances. Very considerate, but unneccessary for you to be troubled.

Regarding the missing Golden Astrolabe which was borrowed by Morpheus, I have yet to find a replacement but will let you know if any of my contacts discover anything.

regards

Severus


--- --- ---

Professor Snape

I have been asked to cover your classes on Friday. Please send me the lesson plan you wish the students to complete, along with any notes you think I might find useful.

I am pleased that there is nothing I should be worried about. In that case I expect to see you at the first quidditch match of the year on Saturday morning. Filius is running the book if you wish to make a prediction on the outcome...

regards

Prof Granger

[GrimeldaDursley]

Dear Fiend,

This is a chane leter. Copie this leter 20 times and send it to 20 of yore fiends. Others who have ignore this leter have been flickted wif turble consquences. Even death. Or lost of magikal power. do not disgard this leter at yore pearl.

A fiend
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Severus:

I have received a very disturbing letter that says I need to send copies to 20 of my friends! I don't even have any friends! Any advice?

Lord Voldemort