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Ask Snape - The Game



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  #841  
Old October 25th, 2011, 12:58 am
Pokota  Undisclosed.gif Pokota is offline
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Re: Ask Snape - The Game

To whom it may concern;

You will be pleased to know that any rips in the time-space continuum have been prevented from occurring, so your universe should be getting back to normal momentarily. From this point onward, any memories of the rips should be classified as mass hallucinations induced by whatever is normal in your universe. Should anything untoward happen again, feel free to contact our agent in your universe - one Rita Skeeter.

Hoping you are well,
[REDACTED]


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  #842  
Old October 25th, 2011, 1:30 am
GrimeldaDursley  Female.gif GrimeldaDursley is offline
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Re: Ask Snape - The Game

Grimmy,

I have taken the liberty of dropping by the Magical Menagerie to speak with Ms. Wellangood, your boss. I informed her that you have been the victim of a vicious act of food tampering and needed to have some time off but were worried about the security of your job. She suggested you take the rest of the week off, with full pay, and bid me to assure you that your job will be waiting for you when you recover. This should also make you feel a little better, she said she wouldn't want to lose you, as you are the best Animal Healing Practicioner she has ever had in her employ.

Grimmy there aren't, and have never been, any Space Owls. All of it was a big hallucination induced by the tainted candy you ate. And if it makes you feel any better, Grimmy, I saw them too. And even got cheated out of a Sickle by one of them.

Sincerely,

Sir


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snape lives imho

Last edited by GrimeldaDursley; October 25th, 2011 at 1:32 am.
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  #843  
Old October 25th, 2011, 11:55 pm
SadiraSnape  Female.gif SadiraSnape is offline
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Re: Ask Snape - The Game

To all concerned:

I am pleased to report that things here at Hogwarts as well as at Spinner's End seem to have returned to normal. My bones seem to be well mended, Snarks is happy as only a kitten can be, the Irregulars are as irregular as usual, Umbridge is in Azkaban, and all's well with the world.

I sincerely hope we NEVER have a repeat of the most recent hair-raising festivities. I'm getting entirely too old for such departures from reality.

Thoughtfully,

Professor Severus Snape

P.S. Yes, Albus, I do still have some Wizarding Waffling Wands. What flavor syrup do you want? I have golden, treacle, and maple.

----------------

Cokeworth City Council
Flimsley House
Fish Lane
Cokeworth

Mr. Snape:

We will be assessing you an additional £10 this quarter for extra rubbish removal. It took 2 days to completely remove all the glitter from your premises at Spinner's End and to clean the street.

We would also like to remind you that occupancy of your premises at Spinner's End is limited to no more than 10 adults at any given time.

Thank you,

Amanda Bullfinch
Secretary


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  #844  
Old October 26th, 2011, 12:52 am
Pokota  Undisclosed.gif Pokota is offline
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Re: Ask Snape - The Game

To the heads of the Spinners End Irregulars;

See included letter. You owe me £10 as of now. If I receive further fees, I will forward them on to you. I should not have to remind you that you are tolerated at Spinner's End only so long as I can vouch for you to my neighbors, and you are making it very difficult to do so.

~S.Snape

----------

Dear Professor Snape,

Do I still have to serve the detentions?

~You know who


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  #845  
Old October 26th, 2011, 1:33 am
GrimeldaDursley  Female.gif GrimeldaDursley is offline
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Re: Ask Snape - The Game

Dear you know who,
Yes.
Professor Snape

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Dear Professor Snape,

Thank you very much for the generous donation. As you are aware, it is donations from people like you that enable us at MCPA [Magical Creatures Protection Association] to care for and find good homes for unwanted and homeless Magical Creatures such as Kneazles ,and because of their unfortunate situations, their non magical brethren. Enclosed is a photograph of one of our dear kitties in need of a home. Unfortunately it does not move, as it is too costly to use the potion for photographs in our newsletter.

kitty:    


    



If you or any of your friends would like to adopt this wee dear one, please have them Owl or visit us in person. We are located just outside of Hogsmeade, just look for our sign.

Again, our profound thanks.

Katrina [Kitty] Katz, MCPA President


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"Magic is everywhere, open not only your eyes, you must also open your heart and just look, it's there, it's been there all along!"--me

I'm a Hufflepuff in a Slytherin World!


snape lives imho

Last edited by Hes; October 26th, 2011 at 9:40 am.
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  #846  
Old October 26th, 2011, 4:24 am
SadiraSnape  Female.gif SadiraSnape is offline
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Re: Ask Snape - The Game

Miss Katz:

It is my pleasure. I would appreciate it no end, however, if you would in future direct my MCPA correspondence and newsletters to the following postal box:

Mr Tobias Prince
Box 1123
4A West Maitland Street
Edinburgh
EH12 5DS
Scotland

I do happen to know someone who is in need of a pleasant Kneazle kitten. I shall forward your mail to him and he will no doubt be contacting you soonest.

Thank you again for the good work you do.

Sincerely

S Snape

-----------------

Sev --

I suppose I must come right out and ask: Are you The Heron?

Hermione


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  #847  
Old October 26th, 2011, 5:03 am
GrimeldaDursley  Female.gif GrimeldaDursley is offline
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Re: Ask Snape - The Game

Herm,

What would make you think that? I have been referred to as that hateful old snipe once or twice, but why on earth would you ask me if I was some sort of waterfowl?

I don't have time to discuss this with you right now. I am fiddling with this little muggle contraption that Arthur Weasley sent me. It's called a television. Oh you know that, hey, I should know that, my father had one. When he managed to pay the electric bill, we got to watch it. Or rather, he did. God, how I hated Wrestling. Anyway, Arthur wants to maybe market these, he has restructured a few of them to run by Magic. Now see what you did! I missed the end of Dr. Who! And now the blasted thing won't come back on! And I was all ready to watch Star Trek! Drat it all! This just won't do!

I may have a little surprise for Albus shortly. We'll see.

I think Arthur may have to take this stupid thing back. I am so aggravated I could just.....

Severus
================================================== ==================================

Severus,

Narcissa and I are really trying to understand Muggles a bit better. So what better way than to read up on how they do things like manufacturing and social customs, etc.? So I went to a Muggle bookstore and found the most interesting book about how Muggles make candy. It's called "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" and it's just fascinating, it really is! Did you know, Severus, that Muggles have House-Elves, too? Only they call them Oompa-Loompas. And that Willy Wonka has the most fantastic set-up! He has a boat to travel through his factory and this waterfall, only it's made of Chocolate! I won't tell you anymore, as soon as I finish it, you just have to read it! And to think I've underestimated them all my life! Would you like to borrow it when we finish with it?

Lucius Malfoy


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"Magic is everywhere, open not only your eyes, you must also open your heart and just look, it's there, it's been there all along!"--me

I'm a Hufflepuff in a Slytherin World!


snape lives imho

Last edited by GrimeldaDursley; October 26th, 2011 at 5:32 am.
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  #848  
Old October 26th, 2011, 5:44 am
SadiraSnape  Female.gif SadiraSnape is offline
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Re: Ask Snape - The Game

Lucius --

I believe if you will look in the front fly-leaf of the book, you will find under the publisher's information a string of arcane numbers and letters. Amongst those you will see the words "Fiction".

I suggest you purchase a Muggle dictionary before you get any further into the adventures of young Charlie Bucket...

Severus

---------------

James Arglebright
National Duelling Society
Northern District
77 Malarkey Lane
Coupar Angus
Scotland

Dear Prof Snape:

We are setting the roster for the next round of duels. This is an important event, as the seeding for the 1st round of semi-finalists for the year will be determined from the results.

Enclosed please find your entry application with the fee schedule. We look forward to your participation once again.

Do you think you'd be interested in leading a lesson on Proper Duelling Technique for new members of the society? Please advise by return owl.

Thanking you in advance,
I remain,

James Arglebright


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  #849  
Old October 26th, 2011, 5:55 am
GrimeldaDursley  Female.gif GrimeldaDursley is offline
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Re: Ask Snape - The Game

Dear Mr. Arglebright:

My schedule is currently very filled, but I may be able to see a way to work the class in. I'll certainly consider it, I promise. Some of these new members may as well be brandishing an ogre's club, from what I've seen of them. I will be getting back to you in the near future.

Professor Snape

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Severus,

You were watching what? Too much television can ruin your eyes. You do know that, don't you?

Hermione


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"Magic is everywhere, open not only your eyes, you must also open your heart and just look, it's there, it's been there all along!"--me

I'm a Hufflepuff in a Slytherin World!


snape lives imho
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  #850  
Old October 26th, 2011, 5:59 pm
SadiraSnape  Female.gif SadiraSnape is offline
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Re: Ask Snape - The Game

Hermione --

That's an old Muggle's tale. Television won't hurt your eyes, but it can certainly effect a drop in one's intelligence. Thus I don't watch it often.

Severus

-----------

Professor --

I do not see any purpose to my serving further detentions. It's the same thing every time: fill 10 bottles with dessicated beetle eyes using tweezers, scrub 30 cauldrons without using magic, scour the sinks in the store room. Lather, rinse, repeat.

I believe I will not be around for tonight's detention. Quite honestly, it bores me to tears.

Noxious Blaxenhall III


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Snape lives IMHO
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  #851  
Old October 26th, 2011, 6:34 pm
GrimeldaDursley  Female.gif GrimeldaDursley is offline
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Re: Ask Snape - The Game

MR. BLAXENHALL!

Meet me in the Headmaster's office, and I mean NOW!


Professor Snape
================================================== ===================================

Hermione,

You will be pleased to know that I have returned the television set. I am sorry to say that I have reached the end of my tether with Mr. Blaxenhall! We are to meet momentarily with the Headmaster, and hopefully an expulsion is in order. I have had enough of the brat's back sass.

Maybe we can meet for a little celebratory tea afterwards?

Severus

PS- I'm sorry I seemed a bit snippy earlier. Only one person in my life did I ever allow to call me "Sev". I think you understand.

================================================== ================================

Severus,

I had a big disappointment today. I responded to Ms. Katz's owl, only to find out that the sweet little kitty had been adopted already! Alas! And there are no others available at this time! Perhaps another one will come along, but I kind of had my heart set on this one. I had even picked out a name, Treacle.

Noxoius Blaxenhall is up here, shaking like a leaf, he says you're coming up here. What has the boy done now?

Dobby has just delivered a hamper. Dear Lord, I do hope it isn't more of Hagrid's rock cakes! I nearly busted a tooth on the last batch! Why, it's something alive in there! Well, I never! Did you have anything to do with this, Severus? My sweet little Treacle-cat! Gitchy-gitchy-goo!

I have sent Mr. Blaxenhall away. Whatever it is can wait. Oh you little sweetie! [not you, Severus! hahaha!]

Albus


__________________
"Magic is everywhere, open not only your eyes, you must also open your heart and just look, it's there, it's been there all along!"--me

I'm a Hufflepuff in a Slytherin World!


snape lives imho

Last edited by GrimeldaDursley; October 26th, 2011 at 7:09 pm.
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  #852  
Old October 27th, 2011, 4:12 am
SadiraSnape  Female.gif SadiraSnape is offline
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Re: Ask Snape - The Game

Albus --

I'm sure I have no idea what you're talking about. A cat? You're going to dip a cat in treacle? I shouldn't advise that...

Now could you please let me have my Snarks back?

Thanks ever so.

SS

P.S. and please recall Mr Blaxenhall to your office.

---------------

Severus --

Shall I run a book again on the upcoming duelling competition? Incidentally, I have The Heron going away at 15:1... rather interesting odds.

Filius


__________________

Staunch Defender of Severus Snape
Proud Member of House Slytherin

LightMahogany27 -- Slytherin
Redwood wand with unicorn hair core
10 3/4 inches, unyielding


Check out my fanfiction, in collaboration with Sinistra_Furze: A Trip To Remember

Snape lives IMHO
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  #853  
Old October 27th, 2011, 4:32 am
GrimeldaDursley  Female.gif GrimeldaDursley is offline
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Re: Ask Snape - The Game

Severus,

Don't play ignorant. I know what Snarks looks like. This is a little sweet poopsie woopsie orange tabby. With a rosy nose and little pink feet! The one in the letter you forwarded to me. Snarks and Treacle are busy destroying my drapes. The little darlings!

Really Severus, you must stop harassing young Blaxenhall. Boys will be boys, you know! You were one once yourself! I've had an owl from his father. He is very upset. Apparently Noxious has written him, complaining of unjust dententions and that you have singled him out for persecution. I told him I would speak to you on this matter. But don't be surprised if you don't receive an owl from him in the near future.

Oh how adorable! You should see them, Severus! One is climbing up Phineas Nigellus! Fawkes has already let them know who the boss is! Now they're in my beard. Oh ho ho! Oh dear, Snarks has caught a mouse! I suppose it's time for a little trim!

Albus
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Professor Snape:

If you do not cease and desist this outright persecution of my son, I will be forced to take matters into my own hands!

Noxius Blaxenhall ll
================================================== ================================================== ===

Filius,

Now that is rather interesting. Go ahead and do as you wish. Have you ever heard anything about those Blaxenhalls? I've just had a rather irate Owl from Noxious Blaxenhall's father.

Severus


__________________
"Magic is everywhere, open not only your eyes, you must also open your heart and just look, it's there, it's been there all along!"--me

I'm a Hufflepuff in a Slytherin World!


snape lives imho

Last edited by GrimeldaDursley; October 27th, 2011 at 4:44 am.
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  #854  
Old October 27th, 2011, 11:41 pm
Sinistra_Furze  Undisclosed.gif Sinistra_Furze is offline
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Re: Ask Snape - The Game

Mr Blaxenhall

I find it difficult to believe that the purpose of Detention has been lost on one as intelligent as you. The more time you spend scrubbing filthy cauldrons the less time you have to pursue hobbies, complete homework for other Professors or enjoy the bracingly fresh autumn air. This disincentive to rule-breaking, causing disruption and disrespecting the Staff is not lost on many students.

I have had a letter from your Father who is under the misapprehension that you have been unfairly punished. Perhaps, I should enlighten him by sending him your record of misdemeanours. It’s an extensive list, for a first year student.

There are other ways of making your mark at school, Blaxenhall, if you put your efforts into more constructive pursuits. By way of encouragement, I enclose a book containing the spell which enables you to turn your hair back to its original colour. Learn it well and you can bid goodbye to canary yellow locks. You might also want to volunteer to assist in decorating the Slytherin common room for approaching Halloween festivities.

Prof Snape.



--- --- ---


Prof Snape

I was wondering if you might spare some advice about the next Duelling Tournament, the Wookey Cavern Challenge. You see, despite winning the last two contests the Heron is offered at surprisingly generous odds. It’s almost as if he’s expected to lose… since you follow the contests with interest (and have even considered entering according to Ginny!) I wondered if you have any background information… is a powerful challenger entering this time, or has Heron had a training ground injury?

I wouldn’t be asking you ordinarily, but I lost rather heavily last time round and I need to make a winning wager this time or she will find out our Halloween party money is gone.
Please let me know if you have any tips

I owe you

George


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  #855  
Old October 28th, 2011, 3:42 am
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merrymarge  Female.gif merrymarge is offline
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Re: Ask Snape - The Game

Severus, I would be happy to teach the dueling techniques class for beginning duelers, since I heard that your schedule is quite full. I was dueling champ back in my day, you know. You don't have to do everything.
Filius


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  #856  
Old October 28th, 2011, 3:48 am
GrimeldaDursley  Female.gif GrimeldaDursley is offline
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Re: Ask Snape - The Game

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

PROFESSOR SEVERUS SNAPE or CURRENT OCCUPANT:

Would you like to save hundreds of Galleons on your broom insurance? Owl our office today for details!

Splint Brothers Insurance Agency
Hogsmeade [behind The Hogshead]


__________________
"Magic is everywhere, open not only your eyes, you must also open your heart and just look, it's there, it's been there all along!"--me

I'm a Hufflepuff in a Slytherin World!


snape lives imho
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  #857  
Old October 28th, 2011, 3:48 am
SadiraSnape  Female.gif SadiraSnape is offline
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Re: Ask Snape - The Game

(Another Snape answered while this one was being composed... sorry)

Mr Weasley --

Usually I don't do this, but I would suggest you wager on The Heron. I have it on excellent authority he is in top form and will once again dominate the field.

Perhaps you would find it wise to not gamble with money earmarked for other activities. I find letting one's side interests become too central to one's life interferes with clear and focused thought...

Yours,

Prof Snape

----------------

Sir:

No, I just can't see it. Your reasoning for keeping me in dreary detention is filled with fallacy -- I have no hobbies, I do all my homework immediately, and I can't stand nature. So.

Your detentions are interfering with my study time. I politely decline to perform them.

Noxious Blaxenhall III

-------------

Filius --

That would be lovely. I shall let Mr. Arglebright know that the erstwhile champion THE POCKET ROCKET will be teaching the seminar.

S

---------------

Splint Bros Insurance
Hogsmeade

Gentlemen:

Since I am a dab hand at Apparating, and also know how to fly without a broom, I find your attempt to flog business at my doorstep impertinent, useless, and hilarious by turns. I don't know whether to hex you, ignore you, or laugh at you.

I believe I shall do all three, in that order.

Prof S Snape
Hogwarts

------------------

Sir --

Blaxenhall is bragging about not doing detentions any longer. He says his father has you "put to rights" and "there won't be any further interference from that quarter." Quite honestly, sir, it's disrupting the First and Second Years no end -- they're all saying they're not going to serve any detentions with you.

It's very disturbing and I find it extremely disrespectful to you. I'm trying to keep my temper, but it's very difficult. Can you do anything about him, or tell me how to best keep my nose out of it?

Thank you, sir.

Siggy


__________________

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LightMahogany27 -- Slytherin
Redwood wand with unicorn hair core
10 3/4 inches, unyielding


Check out my fanfiction, in collaboration with Sinistra_Furze: A Trip To Remember

Snape lives IMHO

Last edited by SadiraSnape; October 28th, 2011 at 3:53 am.
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  #858  
Old October 28th, 2011, 3:58 am
GrimeldaDursley  Female.gif GrimeldaDursley is offline
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Re: Ask Snape - The Game

Mr. Whetstone,

Never fear. I have just sent his father an Owl with a detailed list of each and every rule violation Mr. Blaxenhall has ever committed. Perhaps that will open his eyes to the reality of the situation. Just Let Mr. Blaxenhall carry on for now. I shall speak to the Headmaster again, and if I don't get satisfaction, well, we'll see.

Professor Snape
================================================== =======================

Severus!

I thought you were going to have tea with me! Are you standing me up?

Hermione


__________________
"Magic is everywhere, open not only your eyes, you must also open your heart and just look, it's there, it's been there all along!"--me

I'm a Hufflepuff in a Slytherin World!


snape lives imho
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  #859  
Old October 28th, 2011, 4:40 am
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merrymarge  Female.gif merrymarge is offline
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Re: Ask Snape - The Game

Hermione, my apologies!! I have been up to my eyeballs trying to deal with young Blaxenhall. I had to owl his fahter to let him know what has been going on. The young whippersnapper has been avoiding detention and now the First and Second Years are starting to rebel. I am also taking points from Slytherin. He will feel my wrath soon.
We will have to reschedule our tea. I will owl you when I am free.
Severus


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  #860  
Old October 28th, 2011, 4:57 am
GrimeldaDursley  Female.gif GrimeldaDursley is offline
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Re: Ask Snape - The Game

Severus,

Well. "I will owl you when I am free." You were the one that suggested we have tea together today in the first place! You sure have been acting rather aloof lately. Sometimes, Severus, you act like a different person. Oh well, feel free to owl me when you find you can have the time to fit me into your busy, exciting life! Maybe I'll just be busy myself!

Miss Granger

================================================== ===============================

Severus,

Expect Dobby shortly. He is bringing Snarks to you. I think our furry children need a little down time. What a mess! Where do you find those cute little cat toys I saw Snarks with a few days ago? I would like a few for Treacle, maybe they will distact her from my poor drapes!

Albus


__________________
"Magic is everywhere, open not only your eyes, you must also open your heart and just look, it's there, it's been there all along!"--me

I'm a Hufflepuff in a Slytherin World!


snape lives imho

Last edited by GrimeldaDursley; October 28th, 2011 at 5:00 am.
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