Ask Snape - The Game

[merrymarge]

Severus,
Never mind how I spell my name. If I am truly dead, I can spell my name any way I want. As for "Dobbin" teaching Divination classes, he taught fifth years and I taught 6th years. I also taught the lower levels, third and fourth years. I spoke with Professor Dumbledore and he agreed to let me continue teaching.
Sybil(l)

Dear "Dark Lord",
I will conquer the Wizarding World and put the Muggles in their place! I will replace you as the next Leader of the Wizarding World. Face it, you are washed up as a "Dark Lord". And do you know why? Because I said so. I, Lavender Brown, am better than you. No one can defeat me!!! (bwahahaha).
Lavender Brown

My Lord,
The Aurors are on their way to capture Ms Brown. We have a few new recruits, Weasley and Potter among them, who can go after her. You remember Potter, Sir? He tried to defeat you once before?
Well, he is now an Auror and he will try and capture Ms Brown, that is if he can.
Severus Snape

[HandofGlory]

Sybill Trelawney,

No need to act childish now. Moaning Myrtle shows more maturity than you.

Enjoy your teaching as a dead resident of Hogwarts.

Severus Snape

------------------------

My loyal Severus,

That fool has been writing to me now! What does she thinks this is, the Ask Voldemort game?

I'm sending you a copy of the letter. Look at what she said.

She deserves to die.

I despise Potter, but this Brown more. I guess for right now, the enemy of my enemy is my "friend," but after this is done, I will continue to hunt Potter down.

Voldemort

[merrymarge]

Severus,
Ten Aurors were dispatched to capture Lavender Brown. How she managed to escape is something we will be telling our grandchildren in the years ahead. She is slippery. Never fear, we will capture her.
Arthur Weasley

Dear Snape and you too, Voldie:
NaNaNaNa, you can't catch me! I am Lavender Brown, the new Dark Lord,
Bow before me!!
Lavender Brown

[snaperunner]

Severus,
I require your assistance,my dear son. As I was enjoying the last day of my holiday at the seaside (where I had hoped you could join me since you have been under a lot of strain lately, but, alas, you didn't) I was accosted by this strange young lady claiming to be the next Dark Lord. She is at present trying to make tea while attempting to tattoo a unicorn onto my left arm. Not to be pushy, but do try to hurry-she seems a little well, unbalanced.
Mum


Mr.S. Snape,
Thank you for your recent application to the Witches Online Dating Service. Based on your information we have selected the following applicant compatible to you.
Hyacinth Deargerden. Age: 54 Hair: red Eyes:green
Likes: Planting flowers, reading books,long looks into each others eyes,long walks in the moonlight.
dislikes: sports,bullying,broomstick flying, quidditch.

Your meeting will be for dinner at six this Wednesday at The Lover's Nook restaurant in Hogsmeade.
Yours,
Winnifred Lacey
Witche's Matchmaker

[HandofGlory]

Arthur,

The mere thought that 10 aurors couldn't capture a foolish little psychopath is horrifying. It speaks either to the need of better auror training or the magnificent "intellect" of Ms. Lavender Brown.

Nevertheless, I know where she is. I have enclosed the address with this letter. Please, however, I beg of you, do not hurt my mother. Make sure of her safety.

If my father is there...well, I don't care.

Severus Snape.

-------------------------------

Mother,

Keep amusing her for a little while.

Your son.

--------------------------------

Ms. Lacey,

I'm afraid I have to tell you that I have not submit such an application to your dating process. This application is a forgery.

I'm afraid I'm also going to stand Ms. Deargerden up. My heart goes out to her, but not in the way that you have hoped.

Severus Snape

----------------------

My Lord,

The aurors are on their way to capture/dispose of the False Lord.

Your loyal servant.

-----------------------

Wow,

With a mother like yours, I can understand how pathetic you are. Don't worry, I'll take good care of her. She seems to really like me though. However, your father seems to worship me. Why couldn't you be like him?

The Dark Lady,
Wander Brovnel

[snaperunner]

Son,
"Amusing" is not the word I would use regarding my time with this new "Dark Lady",whoever she is. Please hurry before I completely lose my temper with her.You do remember what happens when I do that,don't you?
Mum


Miss Brown,
You are no Dark Lord. Or Dark Lady for that matter. Oh and do not call my mother names. It aggrivates her temper.
Prof.S.Snape

[merrymarge]

Sev, you ol' son of a gun,
Tell me about this new Dark lady. She has been hanging around your mum lately and getting your mum all upset. Why don't I take her with me to the South Seas Islands and she and I can get better acquainted. Oh, and send me some money so i can entertain her properly?
Dad

Dad, instead of taking her to the South Seas Islands take her to Azkaban where she belongs. She killed a teacher at Hogwarts recently and she has been terrorizing plenty of witches and wizards.
Sev

Sev, you ol' son of a gun,
This pretty little thing? She killed someone? I don't believe it.
Dad

[snaperunner]

Sir,
You are not a pistol.I am not a son of a gun.That "Pretty little thing" is a murdeous former student who belongs at Azkaban Prison,or St.Mungo's depending on her mental state. Now go back to assulting-urm-flirting with the barmaids.
Your son,
Severus


Dear sir,
There is a lady says her name is Hyacinth Deargerden at the door demanding to see you. She says you stood her up,sir, and she is threatening hexes. Plese come to see her quickly sir,before she does bodily harm.
Dobby

Severus,
Do not worry about this little "problem" you have been having with this "Dark Lady". She tried to make me do the unicorn dance. The Aurors are sorting out what is left of her, and she has certainly had an education. I must try to control my temper better, I suppose.
Mum

[merrymarge]

Really, Sev, your sense of humor slays me. I know that you are not really a "son of a pistol". What I want to call you, I don't dare, your mum would really explode. ( Also site administers). And for your information, the reason those people can sort out that "pretty little thing" is because she has taken a shine to me. Get on my last nerve and not only will you not see me again, you won't see this pretty little girl. So, calm yourself and let me take her to the South Seas Islands like I planned and I still need you to send me some money. If you can't afford to send me, sell some of those books with rare plants that are in Spinner's End. I know your mum claims those rare plants are worth a pretty penny. Those books should be worth something, too.
Your Dad

Professor Snape,
Ms Lavender Brown has had her memory modified. She doesn't remember killing anyone nor does she remember wanting to be the next dark lord. She does want to know who that handsome chap is at the Leaky Cauldron who wishes to take her to the South Seas Islands. I really don't know what to tell her except that his name is Mr. Snape. She seemed confunded too, because she thought Professor Snape was a lot younger. My question is: "should she go with Mr. Snape or not?"
Hestia Jones

[HandofGlory]

Miss Jones,

Is this is all we are going to do? Just pretend it never happened? Two students and a professor have been killed because of Miss Brown. And all we are going to do is obliviate her?

I will have nothing more to do with this. Do with her what you will.

Snape


-----------------------------

Dear Snape,

I heard you gave Potter remedial potions. May I take that as well?

Lavender Brown

[merrymarge]

Dear Professor,
What do you suggest? a trial, time spent in Azkaban? how about the Dementor's kiss? Did she really kill two students? I heard it was the Dark Lord who did this. As for Professor Trelawney, Ms Brown mentioned it was an accident. Professor Trelawney was leaning out of the window, when Ms Brown tried to pull her in. Mr. Fudge thought it was best to modify her memory and let her go back to Hogwarts. Of course, you can file a complaint with Mr. Fudge and let him decide what to do.
Hestia Jones

Ms Brown,
I do not give remedial potions to anyone, especially Potter. Potter had other lessons that I had to teach him. If you need help with potions, I suggest you contact Professor Slughorn.
Professor Snape

[HandofGlory]

Miss Jones,

Enclosed are some letters from Miss Brown admitting to murdering the professor, trying to murder me, and taking the Patil twins hostage before their untimely death by the hands of Voldemort.

Originally Posted by merrymarge

Dear Prof. Snape,
(sing-song voice):" I killed Professor Trelawney. I pushed her out of her window. (whining voice), but I didn't mean to. You don't know how annoying she was, always predicting Harry's death, and she predicted my Bunny Binky's death". "And my Binky died!! I was so upset!! and that mean ol' Hermione Granger, she didn't care, not one bit. That's why I went after her boyfriend Ron".
"Anyway, what will happen to me? I am under age". "You can't lock me up, no, you can't!! I will get a Muggle-born lawyer to help keep me out of Azkaban."
Yours Truly and Truly Yours,
Lavender Brown.

Originally Posted by HandofGlory

Bwahahahahaha!

I have captured a student here hostage! If you don't meet me in Trelawney's office by midnight, I'll give them the same fate as the late Divination professor! I'll keep repeating the process until you meet me here!

We shall settle our feud.

The new Voldemort,
Lavender Brown

A trial will suffice.

Severus Snape

P.S. I thought Fudge has step down for Scrimgeour. Correct me if I am wrong.

----------------------------------------

Ah, Snape my friend!

I heard there was a problem student at Hogwarts. Never fear, I shall cure her in an instant!

Gilderoy Lockhart

[snaperunner]

Mr. Lockhart,
May God help us all
Prof.S.Snape



Son,
You need a break. I have noticed that you are looking a little more pale and wan than usual. I have spoken to Professor Dumbledore and he helped me arrange a nice tour of the Mediterranean for you.Enjoy!
Love
Mum

[merrymarge]

Dear Professors Snape and Dumbledore,
You are hereby requested to a hearing in regards to Ms Lavender Brown. She has been accused of murdering a teacher and two students. The hearing will be held before the Wizengamot Court on August 22 at 10 a.m. sharp. Please be on time.
Hope you have a good day,
Hermione Granger, Junior Assistant
Magical Law Enforcement

Mum,
There is absolutely no way I can leave right now for a trip to the Mediterrean. I am needed here to attend a hearing for Lavender Brown, the young lady that Dad tried to take with him to the South Seas. After the outcome of the hearing, I will see if there is time before term starts to take a trip. I do need more plants for potions. I have checked the Greenhouses at Hogwarts and find that many plants need to be replaced. I know, some can be sent for through mail order, but the last time I tried that, my order got changed to something else entirely.
Sev

Severus,
I will accompany you and Professor Dumbledore to Ms Brown's hearing. You remember, I am very good with memory charms and if you want Ms Brown's memory modified I can do this for you. Please, let me join you. I can do this. You I know I can.
Gilderoy Lockhart, Master Obliviator

[GrimeldaDursley]

Dear Professor Snape,

I think I'm losing my mind! I just saw three people who are supposed to be dead laughing it up over ice cream sundaes at Fortescue's yesterday. These three dead women were laughing and guffawing so loudly, people were stopping to stare at them. I didn't know ghosts could eat ice cream!

Pomona Sprout

================================================== ===============

Dear Severus,

Do you remember me and that summer we spent at Whitby way back when? Please tell me it wasn't just one of those "summertime" romances like in the movies!

Sincerely,

[still] Miss Abigail Peacock

================================================== ==============

Lockhart:

No thank you. We do not need any so-called help from you.

Do take your medicine and leave me alone.

S. Snape

================================================== ================

Miss Granger:

Rest assured I will be there. Tell me, Miss Granger, did you ever abandon that ridiculous pipe dream so aptly called SPEW?

S. Snape

[merrymarge]

Dear Professor Snape,
No, I still believe in S.P.E.W. House Elves need to be free and able to get paid for their work. Would you like to make a contribution?
Hermione Granger

Ms Peacock,
I have no recollection of you or spending anytime with you. Please refrain from contacting me.
Severus Snape

[HandofGlory]

Miss Granger,

No thank you. However, I will thank you for finally putting Ms. Brown to trial.

Professor Snape.

-------------------

Pomona,

And who might these three women be?

Severus Snape

-------------------------

Snape,

You don't remember anything? Our precious memories? Our long walks and lovely nights? Nothing rings a bell, Sevvy?

Miss Abigail Peacock

[merrymarge]

Ms Peacock,
No. I don't remember anything. Perhaps you have mistaken my father for me.
Severus Snape

Severus,
Well, one woman is Sybill and the other two look like students. I couldn't make out their features. They were transparent, but I recognized Sybill's laugh.
Pomona

[HandofGlory]

Pomona,

Sybill shows other emotions? I was unaware of that. That is strange that a ghost would leave its haunt for ice cream. Ghosts can't eat, as far as I know.

Severus Snape.

-------------------

Professor Snape,

I am here at Fortescues, bringing food for the rest of the staff. What flavor would you like?

Sybill Trelawney

[merrymarge]

Dear Severus,
How is it possible that these "ghosts" are able to eat ice cream? I don't think they are really ghosts, but merely someone playing a prank on everyone. It is possible that Lavender Brown never committed murder, Sybill could have fallen out of a window and landed in some bushes. We must investigated this at once!
Albus