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Xenophilius Lovegood: A Life

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Old December 6th, 2010, 12:28 pm
Unrepentant  Undisclosed.gif Unrepentant is offline
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Xenophilius Lovegood: A Life

Chapter 1

'A life? A LIFE?'
The Pertubian Pukemeister stared down at Xeno in great disbelief. Xeno had travelled through space and time eight and a half times (the half time due to Xeno's space sheep being over-fed by carrots, which led to a fatal miscalculation by Gug) to tell him the subtitle to his soon-to-come biography. He got a negative answer, but were not surprised - the Pertubian Pukemeister was not very fond of life, nor was he fond of carrots, street lamps, broomsticks, brooms, people on brooms, liquid heat and anything connected to the newspaper. Xeno sighed as his nose swelled into a miniature map of Egypt...

Xenophilius Lovegood woke up straight away. He looked at the watch he had placed above his bed to spare him of the 0.79 seconds that was wasted every morning on turning his face to the right. It was a quarter to eleven.
Xeno sighed; Stress, especially at the hands of his overworried mother, was not his friend.

He got up; He was once again torn between which clothes would be comfortable to wear vs which once would annoy his fellow students the most. He decided to dress in a black shirt and black jeans: If it was to compromise with both sides or to make fun of them, he did not know.

He had already packed his Hogwarts stuff - Boredom had ceased him the day before, because he had dropped his Gernumbli book in the sewers. He levitated his trunk, his guitar and his cat Göörbejkygkh. Before he moved down the stairs, he took a swift look into the mirror. A boy of seventeen looked back at him, a boy with cross-eyed eyes, yellow candy-floss hair and a single earring displaying an eagle.
'I'm coming, mom!'

The Lovegoods lived in a house that resembled a perfect cube, 25x25 feet and 25 feet high. The cube resided on a hilltop in a rather lonely countryside west of London. The house was strongly protected by various enchantments. To prevent muggle insight, yes, but also to make sure that no one would look too much on Mrs. Lovegood's slightly perverse plant experiments in the family's garden.

The horseshoe-shaped door swung open with a BANG, and the three Lovegoods hurried to the protection limits, so that they could apparate. Mr Lovegood, tall and balding, with a slightly absent-minded look on his face; Mrs Lovegood, pale and slightly saint-like with dark brown hair who was a bit straggly; and Xenophilius, his cat meowing sleepily.
'Come on, run for it.' said Mrs Lovegood. 'We haven't got much time'.
They reached a deserted road a hundred feet away from the house and with a sharp crack, they appeared in the middle of the crowdy King's Cross station.
'Goodbye Xeno, and take care of yourself! We'll be home for christmas, alas, and we welcome you home, if you want!' his father hugged him.

Xeno looked towards the strong barrier separating platforms 9 and 10. Another year of warmth, wickedty, arrogance, joy, laughter, oddities, stress, magic, men, millions, and more stress awaits. He pushed the wagon with his trunk, his guitar and Göörbejkygkh through it, and ended up on the usually steamy and busy Platform Nine and three quarters.

The moment he entered, Xeno found himself being attacked by a huge, black-skinned boy that gave him a very hard hug. Then came a short, blonde handsome boy that also hugged him.
'Hello Elath!', he said. 'And you, Joe'. Xenophilius did not like his friends as much as they liked him. 'I'm sorry to say that I'm greeting you a bit more formal than I should have. I think the Yoorethorke attacked me in my sleep'.
Elath and Joe roared with laughter, and Joe punched him friendly in the stomach, and together they went to find an empty compartment.

It was getting more and more tiresome every year, and with his seventh and final year at Hogwarts, Xeno didn't think he could stand it anymore. Elath and Joe were his only friends at school, but Xeno had realized years before that they hung around with him less for his decent behaviour and loyalty than for his endless monolouges on Gernumbli magic.

He did not understand - he had never understood - why people constantly thought of him as something extraordinairy and odd. On the upside, he knew that the smiles and laughter Elath and Joe gave during some of his ideas and theories were real, because he had an exceeding knowledge in reading people's facials.

On the downside, he had not after seven years in Hogwarts experienced friendship with an equal, someone just as interested in the Pertubian Pukemeister or his wartsy sidekick, the Gug, than him. Four years ago, Xeno had given Jurb poems to them both to display his affection for them, but nowadays, only their common interest in music kept Xeno to these guys.

But even in music there was a great imbalance - Elath and Joe would spend weekend after weekend practising drums and bass, while Xeno ranked music as his 5# top interest, succeeded by the Thorplin Myth, The Deathly Hallows, Gernumbli and a certain someone who probably sat three compartment doors from them. Then again, these negative feelings towards Elath and Joe tended to go up and down. After all, they were nice guys and good to play with.

'So, Xeno... any new riffs?' said Elath excitedly.
'Yeah.. hold on, you'. Xeno rummaged for his guitar. He brought it up, and showcased a tapping riff he had worked on during the summer.
'Wow! That's brilliant.' said Joe even more excitedly.
Xeno tried to surpress an 'I know'. However technically skilled Elath and Joe were, they were not great creators.

Their band - Rendering Rowena - had existed for four years, but it was only the last year they had turn out really good. Xeno had helped himself to large gulpings of Woomberdilly soup to try to forget their very first gig in his third year, at Christmas day in Hogsmeade. Everything had went wrong, the crowd left after the first song and Xeno wanted to bury himself afterwards. But they had done some gigs during the holiday that had made the crowd quite cheerful.

They spoke about music, the band and their respective holidays until the lunch trolley came. They all got a huge amount of sweets. Xeno ignored once again the lunch trolley lady's snide remarks when he for the sixth time told her that Bertie Bott was an outspoken Muggle torturer, and that he, Xeno, refused to support such vile acts. When se got away, they ate in silence. Xeno was just pundering over wheter Furrius really did kill Thorplin, or if really was an illusion made by the Habbahabb when he saw something that made his heart skip several beats.

She wasn't three compartment doors from them. She was on the opposite side, together with most of her friends. She had gotten a large sunburn over the summer. Her bright, blond hair and her large bulging eyes made Xeno score her at that very second as TYMJBWIH winner three times going.

He sat there, silently admiring her for what seemed like hours. His heart burn savagely with the wild fires of love, and he was after a while engulfed in a familiar melancholia. So beautiful, so popular, so socially capable, what chance on earth did the outcast and loner Xeno have against this stunning miracle of a woman?
'What are you staring at, Xeno?' said Joe suddenly.
'Wrackspurts' said Xeno dully.
Joe chuckled.

The mismatch seemed to corrode him from the inside, yet it made his infautation to her even bigger. What did they two have to learn from one another? Did she see anything in Xeno at all? And what did he, Xeno, see in her, except from the fact that she was, er, perfect in every syllable of the word?

He always thought that when the time had come for him to gatechrash savagely into the smitten realms of undying love, it would be with someone like him, someone equal, someone like the friend he never had and the lover he would never even dare to dream to have. Someone he could pull off night-long discussions on Gernumbli with, listen to wizard progressive rock with, and someone who would agree to spend hours in the library trying to trace down the Elder Wand.

Not someone like her, a small part of his brain thought, as she pulled back her hair while laughing. She just seemed so.. normal. Just an ordinairy teenage girl, whose greatest concern was not the fate of Jelloprihl, but the amount of eyelash she would wear on the next Ravenclaw slumber party. Even her name reeked of greyish normalness; "Jessica"..
Xeno rustled out of his thoughts. 'What!'
'We have arrived'.

Xeno hurried to pull out his Hogwarts robes. They were absolutely sprangled with all kinds of different marks, mostly of his favourite bands; The Mark of Aston, Reich Due, Salazar and the Slipperings, Wizards & Dragons, and some Muggle ones like the Bee Gees, Rush and Led Zeppelin.

Göörbejkygkh led the way as they emerged through Hogsmeade towards the horseless carriages. In distance, he could see the outline of Hogwarts Castle. Warmth, wickedty, arrogance, joy, laughter, oddities, stress, magic, men, millions, and more stress - Here we go!


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Do not read my fanfic "Bannister Sparke and the Peverell Penultiman Conspiracy"
Xenophilius Lovegood: A Life instead
PS: Tom Marvolo Riddle anagrams into "I am Lord Voldemort", but also "Odd immortal lover"

Last edited by Unrepentant; December 6th, 2010 at 11:15 pm.
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Old December 11th, 2010, 4:17 pm
Unrepentant  Undisclosed.gif Unrepentant is offline
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Re: Xenophilius Lovegood: A Life


A week after school had started, Xeno had set a new record, recieving no less than five detentions during the very first day, for trying to dismantle a piece of raw flesh into a Gurdyroot supply that turned out to be professor Sprout's ear. After they news had spread, Teddy Rosier decided to host a congratulations party in the Ravenclaw common room. It was the kind of thing that Teddy would do. Xeno appreciated the thought, although he suspected that at the bottom of this lay a rather foul desire to laugh at other people's failures.

Xeno was, as usual, on a table for himself, talking to Ferus. Ferus was his imaginary friend he had come up with in first year when the absence of an equal was becoming too much a pressure. He had enjoyed hundreds upon hundreds of highly interesting chats with Ferus, although the original excitement was starting to wear off a bit now. They currently discussed the possibility of however Jelloprihl was double-crossing Amnia and Thorplin all across the Years of Exile, and whether someone would've noticed.

'Preposterous', said Xeno. 'What would he gain from that? Didn't he prove, after he had saved countless souls from the Temple of Ahrgm, that he had nothing more to do in the mortal world?'
Xeno had been in the center of attention as Teddy toasted his remarkable success, but were quick enough to divert - he hardly disliked attention, especially for something like having to clean out the trophy room five evenings in a row. He was however very happy at the moment - He had almost proven Ferus wrong, and was perfectly happy with the level of acceptance that his fellow students was showing to him, although a few first-years looked terrified at the candy-floss guy talking to himself in a corner.

A party like this would be a perfect attempt to ask Jessica out, but this was one of the rare nights where love had to buckle under for the enticing events of the Thorplin Myth.
'... And furthermore, in the Feignold Chapters, Amnia would disprove of her love to Thorplin, engaging in the Forlinzerk Corporation, render herself sterile and pop the very baloon that caused Jellophrils parents to commit matricide!', said Ferus disapprovingly.
Xeno fell silent. He had not thought of the Matricide incident in Book Eight. He was stumped, then he remembered..
'But Jellophril believed to his death that his parents were victims to a shaving Jinx gone wrong! So your argument remains stiff as a wrongly cooked Gurdyroot, my friend.'
Ferus yawned.


The next day, Xeno barely realized that he was already down with Elath and Joe at the Great Hall - tireness engulfed him in a tight bubble of, well, tireness. The fact that he had loads of homework to do did not help this at all.
'Xeno', said Elath, 'We were thinking of cover songs for the gig at the Three Broomsticks next week, Joe came up with the idea of doing a medley off Reich Due's Crosswand album...'

But Xeno was barely listening. He was looking up the Staff table. Dumbledore was wearing robes that sparkled like gold in the sun, and was talking excitedly to Professor Flitwick. Xeno was very fond of Dumbledore, and pitied that he did not teach anymore.

Although he liked Dumbledore, Xeno remembered in his first years when he had downright worshipped the headmaster. Xeno had sent him flowers, chocolate and letters discussing the Thirty-seven Faulties of Gernumbli, wheter Wrackspurts did breed, and if Nicholas Flamel really was a Time Lord that would return in the future to save the wizarding world from a giant tampon. Professor Flitwick had been thoroughly embarrased abut this, and forbade Xeno to ever write to the headmaster again, but it had been one of the best days in Xeno's life a week later, when a chuckling headmaster had pulled him aside and told him that his letters were greatly entertaining.

Next to Dumbledore sat Flitwick, Ravenclaw's Head of House. And next to him sat Professor Hootshield, the new Defence against the Dark Arts teacher. Xeno's year had had only one lesson with him so far; It had been a complete disaster, not only because Hootshield had such a large quantity of Loser's Lurgy that it made his hair half-pink, but also because someone had mixed up The Most Advanced Defences with Professor Kettleburn's stack of Monster Book of Monsters, so that half a dozen cunning Ravenclaw students had to bring them in while Hootshield stood in the middle of the classroom, looking insecurely at his watch.

'..Yeah, I'd probably skip that too'.
Xeno got jerked out of his reveries by noticing that Elath and Joe were talking about todays classes.
'Xeno, you did the Astronomy homework for today, right?' asked Elath.
'Yah', shrugged Xeno, 'With a week's worth of detention, my free time have had a little less holes as your average castle wall. But I managed to scribble something down on the five minutes between yesterday's Charms and Herbology'.
'You did it in five minutes?' said Elath disapprovingly.
'No big', said Xeno, 'It's all just Apollo and Little Bear and some dots. Thorplin could've done it with half a hand'.
In truth, he had spent the final three hours of the previous night completing a complicated star chart, but he knew that Elath would just bash him for help if he had said so.

The trio headed for today's first class - the nightmarish and ever-to-be-feared triple Arithmancy.
'Good evening students, and first things first, your homework, please', said professor Vektor sternly.
They all handed their homework to her.
'Lovegood, where's yours?'
'Oh', said Xeno. Then he said, without embarassment; 'I haven't done it, professor'.
'I see'. Professor Vektor's face was reddening. 'Well, you pay more time to homework from now on, or I will just pass you a "T" NEWT immediately. No go to seat, young man, and ten points from Ravenclaw for unbelievable sloppiness'.
'But professor, he's had..' said Joe.
'I know about Lovegood's... record.. Kenborough, but he could've picked up his sleeping hours, instead of studying hours'. she said. 'Now, please sit'.

Xeno sat down at the back of the classroom. Several people were staring at him, including Josephine Fenwyck, a seventh-year girl who had entered her seventh year of heartily dislike towards Xeno, just as Xeno had entered his seventh year of heartily ignorance towards her. Xeno did not worry - he knew he was safe on the homework front as long as he was careful. He had missed two assignments the last week.

After five assignments, one's reputation amongst the teachers would be in danger, (as if Xeno cared) after seven assignments, one's reputation would also wobble among the students, (Xeno still didn't care) and after ten assignments, one should seriously consider suicide at the mercy of the Heliopaths. (At this point, Xeno, after a bit of thinking, would care)

The class was as disastrously difficult as it had been last week. Xeno could've managed to pull it through if he had concentrated, but he did not concentrate; his mind was fixed on far more important things, such as why Jelloprihl and Knufusia dated in the First Book when they both knew their fathers worked against each other, possible growthplaces for the Idbit Iddles and how to capture Jessica's heart.

'Why, ever, did we take that ******* subject?!' said Elath furiously after class.
'Well, I'm going to the Ministry, and if you want to end up there, you better have some grades', said Joe.
'Your dad's at the Ministry...'
At this point, Xeno's thoughts drifted. One could wonder if the Idbit Iddles could grow in harsh earth? If so, he could sprout his own collection in the Forbidden Forest, and finally infuse his Gurdyroot supply for sale in Diagon Alley! The idea made him excited.. He would ask Professor Sprout later in the afternoon..
'... and thirteen goblins. What about you, Xeno?'
'M-hm', said Xeno absent-mindedly.
'Why'd you take Arithmancy?'
'Dunno' said Xeno.

But his mind made it back to reality with a harsh THUD on the floor of his brain. Why DID he take Arithmancy? The answer was as clear as it was painful - Xeno had no idea what to do after school. The Wizarding World, however beautiful, however home to many a great minds, was not a place for dream-dwellers and believers of Gernumbli, Heliopaths and the mighty Tat. 'Become a writer', his dad often said. 'You write so well!'. But Xeno's inside squirmed as he thought of The Quibbler and the editing equipments stuffed under his four-poster bed - he had not written The Quibbler for years.

Xeno's OWLs had been miserable. He was a Ravenclaw, and Ravenclaws abedied common sense, and common sense dictated that spending all study time lurking in the Staff Room to confirm or decline the rumour that a Hogwarts teacher posessed the Elder Wand and actual test time daydreaming about Thorplin's last great quest in the Mires of Oomingretsch did not produce good OWLs. He had hit an E in Charms, an A in Arithmancy, DADA, Astronomy and Herbology, a P in Care of Magical Creatures, and Potions a D in Divination and even two T's, in Transfiguration and History of Magic.

The trio lunched while talking about tonight's rehearsal. But just like many of their musical discussions, this one ended up in a fierce Xeno vs. Elath & Joe debate on Muggle music vs. Wizard music.
'There is a rational argument that beasts your words like rain on a muddy hilltop', messed Xeno seriously, 'there are at least a million muggle bands out there, and perhaps a few thousand wizard bands. Now, since there are that many muggle bands, competition eliminates the outcasts, leaving only the brilliant bands to achieve fame. More bands - more quality, as the consumer's law stands high. With only a few thousand wizard bands, people don't care all that much about getting good'.
'But,' started Joe.
'.. NOT saying wizard music is all bad', continued Xeno, but I can assure you muggles don't have to put up with sell-sell dragon dung like the', he let out a loud snort, 'Weird Sisters'.
'If you're talking Weird Sisters', said Joe, 'you should know that they aren't that...'
'SPIN AROUND LIKE A CRAZY ELF', sang Xeno, and he started a fierce tap dance on the Ravenclaw table that made several peope look their way.
Elath and Joe started to laugh.
'... LIKE A CRA-A-AZY EEEEELF' sang Xeno and started to swing his arms
More people started to laugh, until professor McGonnagall yelled 'LOVEGOOD! Ten points from Ravenclaw!' across the hall. Xeno sat down, accompanied by more laughter still. A few seats to the left, Josephine shot him a nasty look.

They ventured down to Herbology under continued discussion. ('Mother. MOTHER.') It was a clear and slightly chilly day. Halfway down, Elath and Joe swithed subjects to whether Mark Tryfill of Salazar and the Slipperings really had cancer, or if it was just a bluff to cover up the band's splitting with.
'No way', said Elath.

Then, Xeno saw a bunch of girls chatting, on their way up to the Entrance hall, and Jessica among them. Xeno's heart raced, and he achieved the Fantastic Flutterish Feets of Fingalum, but only a mild version - one could not get the FFFoF properly if one did see one's love interest's face close up. Jessica had been in the midst of the crowd, (Xeno recognized her, because he had mapped down her hair textures in his Transfiguration book for the purpose of trailing possible Wrackspurt nests) so Xeno had a quite feeble FFFoF, that reminisced the sensation of taking a slight Cheering charm to the chest. He was happy for that though, it was a matter of fact he did not see her very often. He remembered a day in March when she had said "Thank you" for him bringing her a book she had dropped. That FFFoF had lasted a week.

Professor Sprout greeted the handful of Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff students who was taking the NEWT Herbology class - Xeno, Elath, Joe, Fiona Baker, a 7th year Ravenclaw girl who was very shy, and two Hufflepuff boys.

Herbology could've been Xeno's favourite subject if they haven't been studying such boring plants as the venomous Tentacula, the Mandrakes and the Sophorus Beans. The class was not more fun when Professor Sprout constanly disapproved of Xeno's ideas of "interesting" plants.
'I'm sorry Lovegood, but your Gurdyroots is just as highly magical as my hat', se used to say, and she had stepped back when he told her that he uset to eat them.

She did approve of the Idbit Iddles though, so there was a mounting excitement in his voice when he asked her if they would grow in harsh earth.
'Yes they do', she said, 'but it's highly unhealthy, and I suggest that if you have any, you should hand them in immediately'.
And he had even harder keeping concentration up with the idea of growing own Idbit Iddles in the Forbidden Forest during the class. They were working with some kind of wet plants that made the greenhouse glasses blurry. Xeno wasted no time in drawing the Deathly Hallows symbol on the glass.

Two hours later, it was only three-o-clock. Rehearsal started ad eight-o-clock, but Xeno kept telling himself that that time would be used for studying.

Up in the Ravenclaw common room, Xeno sat with his homework and his guitar in his usual corner. No one bothered him, and Josephine did not lower her voice when she said that she absolutely hated candy-floss.

After two hours of studying and convincing himself not to postpone it, he had at last finished Professor Vector's essay.

But another two hours later, he felt his concentration faltering dangerously. His Gurdyroot supply was long since gone, and the common room was getting more packed and noisy.
He stared at Rowena Ravenclaw's statue for a while. The Diadem, if he only had the Diadem..
He bent lower down on his Charms essay. His hand was aching now, and his already messy handwriting became even messier.
"... for the after-effects of the charm is a direct link to the magical skill of the caster, a sort of Pi to Pi equation of the caster, the spell and the wand..."

He felt his mind wander as he wrote - it lingered long enough on his sighting of Jessica earlier that day until it hopped to Idbit Iddles, and forbidden excitement flooded him, excitement that he must held back. But he kept thinking of "Xeno, King of Idbits", and the wonders he could produce with the bottle-shaped fruit. He thought again of Thorplin, admiring his bravery, and the rehearsal later that day.. god, he longed for some Aston, he would listen to some songs before the rehearsal.. He thought again of Jessica.. how very beautiful she was.
".. A Caterwauling Charm is complex, and require precise movements.."
"I will not postpone it", Xeno thought.
"..of the wand.."
"I will not postpone it", Xeno thought.
"...and full concentration.."
"I will not postpone it", Xeno thought.
"...of the caster..."
"I will not postpone it", Xeno thought.
"...once again..."
"I will not postpone it", Xeno thought.
He postponed it.

Half past seven, Xeno had ventured down for a quick, lonely meal, and he now sat in his usual spot, not with textbooks, parchment and quills, but with his guitar. He was quietly playing a Genesis tune.

He remembered in his third year, when he got his first friends by playing guitar in the common room. No one expected the quirky, odd Lovegood to be an excellent guitar player. (But Xeno thought that he played rather horribly back then) Xeno had enjoyed the attention - it was the first time he had ever been an object of any kind of liking. He even got a little fan-club of first years. That's when he met Elath and Joe and when they founded Rendering Rowena.

He got even more attention when he started with The Quibbler in his 4th year, originally as a Hogwarts school fanzine, decipting the various events and gossip of the school. But as Xeno's interest in things like the the Rotfang Conspiracy ,the Gernubli and Quaffle Populism took over, and suddenly his popularity sank, until only Elath, Joe and a couple of fifth-years remained the people that would ever speak to him.

Xeno felt like that the only change he has been through in seven years was that he had rid himself completely of the need for - and despair in lacking - popularity and attention.

'Hi, Xeno!' said a girl to him suddenly.
It was one of the fifth-years that would speak to him - Hollie Sunshire was blue-haired, tough and rather short, and accidentally the singer of Rendering Rowena.
'Hollie', said Xeno, 'the man playing his guitar is only succeeded my the man on a funeral, the man alone with his wife and the man about to transform a stump into a thirty-foot Wax-Catalyst on the Men You Shouldn't Speak to-list!'
He realized how harsh he had sound, and he quickly said 'Sorry. I tend to sound harsh sometimes'.
'It's okay', she said. Hollie replied 'It's okay' to every other thing Xeno said. 'Gig soon, eh?'
'Yes', said Xeno. 'It will be a riot. I will bring free Gurdyroot drinks to everyone'.
Hollie smiled briefly.

At eight-o-clock, they were in the rehearsal room, a spare classrom on the fifth floor that Flitwick had permitted them to use. They warmed up with "Who took the Snitch?", their worst song by far, but also the one that their "fans" enjoyed the most. When the song ended, they played "Diadem" and "The Forlorn Wizard".

'It sounds good', said Xeno. It DID sound good - it was as if the band was having a good day. Hollie's voice was strong, crisp and clear. Together with Elath's precise drumming and Joes thundering bass, they sounded slightly apart from other wizarding bands. Although the rest of them often disapproved of Xeno's taste in muggle bands, they at least agreed that the setup drums-bass-guitar-vocals was to prefer, and that the use of cellos and violins within other bands was just trendy and pretentious.

They started to play their new song, "Magpie Man", which was a bit unsteady at some parts. The lyrics was about a man who suffered from magpies, but Xeno's secret lyrical intention was a song about the Gurpel Gnomstrongs that resided in the stomach of those who were skilled at schimpansee imitations. He never told his bandmates though - they would highly disapprove of the song then.

After rehearsal, everyone was quite cheerful. Hollie was still singing "Magpie Man", and even Xeno abandoned straying into the world of Resputiccroo to chat with Joe about the latest Wizards & Dragon record.
'The third track is the best, it's absolutely killer, like a swift sun and a fierce Squib', said Xeno.

At the time they got back to Ravenclaw tower, Hollie ventured up to the girl's dormitory, while Xeno, Elath and Joe got to the boy's.

The Ravenclaw 7th-years was among the larger of classes at Hogwarts. They were nine boys in total; Xeno, Elath, Joe, Fabian, Bret, Stephen, David, Morgan and Andy. They rarely met, since they all took different NEWT classes, but Xeno had nothing against any of them, except Morgan and Andy, who were very rowdy and full of Ravenclawic arrogance.

Xeno, Elath and Joe were alone in the dormitory. They went to bed in silence.
Xeno's stomach lurched as he spotted the Quibbler equipment under his bed. He missed puttng out the papers, but he never really could muster any enthusiasm to write. He felt like he should do it; Putting out papers and writing songs was the only way he could channel his creativity, and the inspiration he got from the Thorplin myth, the story of Hamma Hammhamm and his Wasted Apoelapthops and the bands he loved so much. And now, with only the band, he sometimes felt like he should be creative in another way. Then again there was the lacking enthusiasm.. and his father's words echoed in him "Become a writer.. become a writer..."
And shame and guilt for his lousy OWLs, his future, and his homework mountain engulfed him..

Xeno laid in bed for some time. He had a big Hallows poster on the side. He looked at it for a while. What a beautiful sign.. He knew what was waiting for him out there.. the Wand, but he was not so eager to defeat some grand sorcerer - Xeno was a poor dueller... the Stone, the hardest Hallow to track... the Cloak, he had to trace the Peverell line then..

His mind raced back to it's main focus - the Idbits. Tomorrow consisted only of DADA and Astronomy, he would perhaps find some time to plant it... But then there was his postponed Charms essay that was due Friday.. Xeno's insides squirmed with guilt as he fell back into sleep.


Blondes have more fun! The Jackson KS300 Lovegood special: Only $499!
(Also known as the Lunatar ^^)

Do not read my fanfic "Bannister Sparke and the Peverell Penultiman Conspiracy"
Xenophilius Lovegood: A Life instead
PS: Tom Marvolo Riddle anagrams into "I am Lord Voldemort", but also "Odd immortal lover"
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Old December 17th, 2010, 10:39 pm
Unrepentant  Undisclosed.gif Unrepentant is offline
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Joined: 4825 days
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Posts: 175
Re: Xenophilius Lovegood: A Life


It was like a warm fire was roaring in Xeno's chest the following week. No matter how hard he failed his homework, no matter how out of place he felt in Elath and Joe's company, no matter how people were laughing at him when he surrendered to the temptation of dying his school uniform yellow, Xeno still had a fresh supply of Idbit Iddles in a secluded corner of the Forbidden Forest. These extraordinairy plants only needed two weeks for growing, and then.. He shivered by the mere thought of what he could do with them. The Idbits had even drove Jessica out of his mind, although she still visited him in his dreams, wearing professor Dumbledore's robes and asking how to dismantle a stray goose.

The Idbits were excellent as a bait for concentration, and Xeno couldn't believe it when his homework stack was down to a Charms essay due Monday. Xeno had had two evenings free of study, during which he had another Throplin rant with Ferus, played loads of guitar and mapped the Blibbering Humdringer nests of Hogsmeade. He was in such light spirits that he had started to give random compliments.
'Nice haircut', he had said to Malfoy, a particularly slick-looking fourth-year Slytherin who had shot him a nasty look.

There was however a greater factor pressing on the inside of Xeno's brain. Rendering Rowena's first gig of the season was coming up faster than anyone would admit. Tempers were running high in the rehearsing room.
'SIX bars', said a highly frustrated Joe on rehearsal the night before the show. 'SIX bars before the solo; no less, no more'.
'But eight bars feels so much more natural', said Elath while flickering his drumstick between his fingers. 'I'm just going to forget..'
'No, you learn', said Xeno sternly 'Eight bars is the most comfortable, alas the most common and therefor most despisable filthy of all the solo section bar amounts. Six it is'.
Elath scowled.
'Look', said Xeno, 'I'll make you a gesture when the solo section's out, and you'll come in right, okay?'
'All right', said Elath; He looked quite tired.
They played "Magpie Man", and when the solo section came to an end, Xeno stopped playing and waved his arms furiously at the drums. Elath smiled, but segued into the coda just fine.


On the Friday for the show, Xeno cursed himself out of bed at seven o'clock. Wildly yawning, he pulled out his half-finished Charms essay that was due in about two hours. He cursed himself for postponing it - he wondered if he could've preponed it instead, and he figured that it was the first thing he would do when the Idbits had finished growing.

Xeno seemed to drift downstairs to the empty common room on a dusty cloud of tireness. When he arrived, however, he saw that the Hogwarts lake had risen - a lot. In fact, half of the windows in Ravenclaw tower was covered in water, so that one could see below the surface. Xeno watches as a piece of seaweed drifted by. Then he saw a swarm of Freshwater Plimpies, who were all waving merrily at him. Xeno waved back.

He sat down with his essay, but no sooner had he done that than he heard footsteps, and then saw none other than Jessica coming down from the girl's dormitories.

'Hello you', she said. Her voice was beautifully serene.
'H.. hi..', stammered Xeno, who was now woefully aware that his pyama shirt was stained with Fnurkelroot infusion.
'Fnurkelroot infusion', she said happily while pointing at the stain.
'You... you know Fnurkelroot?' said Xeno aghast. He could not believe his ears.
'Of course, she said. 'Would you fancy a club?'
'That's.. a sudden change of inspiration', said Xeno. He thought that he had never felt so off in his entire life. Jessica recognising Fnurkelroot?! What on Thorplin's maddest eyebrow correctors?!
'Here', she said, and she pulled Professor Slughorn, the potions master, out of her armpit. The effect was a perfect trick to the eye, like watching some kind of slow-growing plant. 'Ask him to join the Club!'
Slughorn looked barely awake - he looked at Xeno with a gaze of disbelief that Xeno heartily answered - Xeno knew that Slughorn neither approved of his persona, nor had allowed him anywhere near the Slug Club.

'I want you to have some more', Jessica said, and Xeno looked as she pulled a frog, several cloaks and books, a hairpin, a shark, a cannon, several bricks, a Muggle telephone, a broomstick, a cheese cauldron, a dead hand, several windows, a handkerchief, a baboon, a deaf chicken and loads of china out of her armpit. All of these objects magically soared across the room until the entire Ravenclaw Tower looked like a giant pile of trash.
'Then there's this', said Jessica slowly, and to Xeno's extreme astonishment, she pulled out the real, the inevitably real, Ravenclaw Diadem from her armpit.
'Don't..' whispered Xeno, paralyzed with fear, as she swung it across the room so that it vanished among all the junk.

'Can you find it?' she said, now slightly tauntish. Xeno looked into her eyes for the first time - it really was her. Xeno couldn't nor wouldn't believe it. Then he regained his senses.
'This was not what it was supposed to be', he said. 'I'm weird. I'm the one who should be doing strange things while you just sit there and gap. Not the other way round!'
'Well, maybe your perception was wrong', she said. 'Look behind you.'
Xeno looked into the half-water filled window, and saw that the Freshwater Plimpies were booing at him. Several of them had Elath and Joe's faces.
Jessica smiled serenely. The window burst, and water was flooding into the common room, throwing all the junk aside, showering Xeno in ice-cold water.

Xeno felt, however, that the castle walls had somehow softened. Then the realized that they were not castle walls. And all the junk all the water and Jessica was non-existent. The only thing existent were the dormitory, Xeno's bed, Elath and Joe's humourful faces and the huge amount of water that the latter had thrown on Xeno's bed.
'TALK about oversleeping', said Elath with a laugh.
'What', said Xeno, 'what time is it?'
'Half past two', said Joe with another laugh.


In years to come, Xeno would never believe how his mind could've worked so fast. In half a second, Xeno deduced that he had missed Charms, (and his dueing essay) and potions and two studying hours, that it would cost him dearly, that he was knightly screwed in Charms now, and that his SPR (Schoolwork Panic Rate) was up to 140%. In the next half a second, Xeno felt his stomach sink, and the joy of playing a gig somewhat lowered.
'Great', he finally said in a huge veil of sarcasm. 'Flitwick and Slughorn said anything?'.
'Nothing too bad', said Joe. 'Flitwick was all "Xeno's not here? Well.." and Slughorn merely shrugged'.
'Great', said Xeno again.

He remained on his bed, thinking; Elath and Joe went down. They would play around eight. He decided, rather cowardly, not to confront Flitwick and/or Slughorn until Monday - gig spirits did not need to get stripped down further by several tell-offs.

What Xeno needed now was a pick-me-up. He dived down beside his bed to retrieve his record collection. He pulled out "The Forest is Forbidden, Tell That To The Werewolves (And The Other Things That's Supposed To Lurk In There)", Salazar and the Slippering's second album.

'O Mark', whispered Xeno, as the band's twirky, spasmic and unexpected music itched and twitched from Xeno's vinyl player, filling him with warmth. He fell down on his pillows, now utterly relaxed. What was two missed classes when all came around?

He pulled out the cover and whispered 'O Mark' again, stroking it. Mark Tryfill, the legendary Mark Tryfill, had started the five years of insanity, fame and ludicrously delayed Portkeys that wass Salazar and the Slippering's musical career. After only two albums, no, masterpieces, the band was forced to split. The oficiall story was that Mark had "cancer" (He was still at St Mungo's) but Xeno would tell anyone who would care that Mark was actually healthy, and that the real reason for split-up was that Mark had gone into musicianship beyond any of the other members - he was just too awesome for music. Xeno felt that the stalker-taken photos of Mark in a bed confirmed this - cancer did NOT make your ears purple.

Xeno did a quick time check - he needed to be down in Hogsmeade in little more than three hours. He sighed, and pulled out his charms essay. He sat down on his bed writing, with Salazar and the Slipperings streaming out of the vinyl player, and could neither believe that it was done half an hour later, nor believe that he was relatively happy with it. Salazar played the last song of the album; "Speak, Witches" a rather energetic tune, and Xeno realized that the music had helped him do the homework - it was even better than Gurdyroot! Amazed at this new discovery, Xeno lept out of bed.

He ventured down to the kitchens for a quick breakfast/lunch (the band would eat dinner down at Hogsmeade) and went to fed the Idbit Ibbles.

'..It's NOT true', he said irritably to Ferus when walking back from the Forest, 'you really must read Book Four a litte better, Ferus, for it states clearly in the Chapter of Homnegok that Amnia was born in Desden, land of the blue caterpillar. I can deal with you pulling off weird opinions like 'The Waggot breeds on force-fed gnomes', but this is just...'.
Xeno stopped dead in his tracks. He saw Josephine and a couple of her friends coming his way.
'Hide', he said to Ferus, and they sheltered behind one of the greenhouses. Normally Xeno din't care to act normal in front of Josephine, but he didn't think of it as a very good sign if she spotted him coming alone from the Forest.

'... And dad sent me another picture by owl, look, he heas learned how to walk'.
Making a presumption, Xeno sighed. He loved kids. Their simplified behaviour, their downright honesty and their natural perspective made him sometimes prefer kids to grown-up company like Elath and Joe. He dreamed of one day having his own kid. He would one day have a daughter with Jessica, she would have her bulging eyes, and they would name her Luna. Like the moon. Xeno though it was a beautiful name.

And speaking of the moon..
It was clearly visible in the pale blue sky, however faintly, directly above the castle. Xeno made his way to the entrance hall, and was immediately shuffled sideways by a bunch of third-year Slytherins.
Ferus nodged at Xeno's side for attention, but Xeno let him vanish to the back of his head; a couple more students was walking down the marble stairs, and Xeno could spot Jessica among them, her bulging eyes shining with excitement as she talked to a friend.
Xeno walked up the marble stairs, trying to look as casual as possible, and when Jessica passed by, he pointed his ears to what she was saying.
'... or that's what I believe, nothing more indescrete that Fnurkelroot infusion anyway...'

Xeno tripped on his own foot, staggered backwards, and fell with several painful, loud THUMPs down the marble stairs, and hit the floor with a mundande finality that made everyone in the entrance hall look around.
'Are you okay?', said a sixth-year Ravenclaw.
'Yeah I'm fine', said Xeno, who attempted to stand up. He did not dare to look at Jessica, who stood behind her friend. They both walked away.

But Xeno didn't stand; he floated. He had achieved such a big FFFoF that he could barely feel his feet touching the Entrance hall floor. He watched as Jessica and her friends went to the Great Hall, and then he walked away.

This recent turn of events, Xeno though, was comfortably simple to follow; Jessica knew of the Fnurkelroot. And that was amazing. It was downright incredible, Xeno thought ecstatically, when he fluttered around the Entrance hall. Jessica - not so run-of-the-mill girl anymore. Of coruse, every witch and wizard was unique, but Xeno soon celebrated a year for when his fantasies about Jessica started to get nagged by a vision of her falling asleep of boredom when he explained the top five hibernation spots for the Blibbering Humdringer.

Usual Jessica, unusual Xeno, the biggest cloud upon love's starry sky. But Xeno got downright exhilerated when he realized that Fnurkelroot was one of the more unusual things that he paid attention to. (For example, the Thorplin myth had a widespread underground fanbase, and Xeno longed to visit the fathomed Gurdyroot farm in southern France) To put things straight; Usual Jessica just became Unusual Jessica. And Xeno had dreamed about it just the other night. How lovely.

For a very long time, Xeno walked around in a wide circle in the entrance hall, muttering small things like "great", "good", and "Fnuruleus Bracktamlass". (The love spell) It was not until Josephine yelled "dork" after him that he realized he should be going down to Hogsmeade.
'You're full of Nargles!' Xeno replied and floated down the school grounds.

He arrived in Hogsmeade just in time; He accio'ed his guitar (how very lazy of him) and still high on spirits, he settled down on the Three Broomsticks, which only had a few customers. The stage had been set; Xeno often envied muggle musician's use of amplifiers - he thought they looked quite neat, and some of them could be excellent Wulwutt repellers. But wizard musicians amplified their instruments by magic, so the stage in front of Xeno contained only a drum kit and a large, red microphone.

'Good evening, Lovegood', said madam Rosmerta to him from behind the desk. She was nice, but kind of ugly - she only got defeated in the Top 3 Overrated Things By Hogwarts Students next to Zonko's and the previous DADA teacher, Professor Glue.
'Evening', said Xeno. 'Gig spirits very high, Madam!.
'Why?', said Rosmerta with a smile.
'Nice weather', muttered Xeno, not keen to dive into the subjects. 'You want to watch out for the table in the corner there', Xeno pointed. 'Very high Wrackspurt infusion'.
'Wrackspurt infusion?' said Rosmerta, baffled.
'Wrackspurt infusion', replied Xeno.
Rosmerta shrugged, and Xeno chose to sit down on another table. He though for a while; He could not believe his luck that he had fallen in love with a girl who actually shared an interest with him. He remembered his first love back in his third year, a Hufflepuff named Erina. She had ditched him pretty hard when he had pointed out that treacle tart is highly poisonous, and makes your brain think about blue pillows more than usual.

But his issue with Jessica now was; What to do next? Should he ask her out? "Hey I overheard you talking about Fnurkelroot the other day, should we do something some day?", didn't sound too god in Xeno's ears. Then again, he could not think of anything better. His insides squirmed very uncomfortably now; He had never been too good at this.

The door opened, and Elath, Joe and Hollie entered. They greeted Rosmerta, and sat down at Xeno's table. For a while, they talked excitedly about the show. Usually, the band teamed up Elath/Joe and Xeno/Hollie. Xeno liked it more this way - He thought in general that girls were more comfortable to talk to, and Hollie was quite nice. They had a quick pre-gig meal, and Elath blushed slightly when Rosmerta brought them butterbeer.

Soon, people started to come in to the pub in anticipation for the gig. Xeno then made a gesture for them to sneak in to the backstage area - Xeno was always very keen to keep an air of mystery around the performer. All honours to Reich Due - they were incredible and all that, but you could take a butterbeer with the lead singer any time, any day.

Backstage there were a huge graffitti-board of bands that had played at the Three Broomsticks before. Xeno lingered around at Salazar and the Slippering's signature until Joe spoke.
'We should tune', he said.
And so they tuned. Xeno had to do it multiple times - his guitar was getting old.

They went on stage to scattered applause. Xeno gazed around and saw that it was surprisingly many people there. then of course, almost half of them were Hollie's friends. Aside of them, Xeno spotted a few Three Broomstick regulars and a bunch of people he had never seen before that looked sincerely interested.

They opened with "Who took the Snitch?", and Hollie's friends screamed and sang with every word - they had heard it and loved it on many RR-gigs, and even a few strangers nodded approvingly.
They followed with "The Forlorn Wizard", and Xeno was pleased to see that Hollie's friends had learned a bit of words from that one, too. He started to dance along to the tune - Hollie exploded with attitute, too, but Joe was as stiff as ever.
They followed with "Magpie Man", and although Elath still screwed up the six-bar thing in the middle, the song had been well rehearsed, and Xeno though merrily of the Gurpel Gnomstrongs when the song ended.
When Hollie paused for drinks, however, Xeno spotted something very strange - a hodded wizard stood at the back of the pub, watching closely at Xeno. Xeno felt no insecurity, but curiosity. Who was that?

The closed with "Diadem", and by the final chorus, the whole pub applauded. Xeno felt filled with musical joy and he started to dance even faster.
"Where, I can't remember I've seen a, Where is it hidden, Rowena?" sang Hollie with her powerful voice, and the song ended. The crowd let out a huge applause, and the ensemble bowed thankfully.

'Wow', said Elath backstage.
'What a show!' said Joe, wiping sweat from his brow.
'Great!' said Hollie.
'That was amazing', saif Xeno. 'You're stiff on stage', he added to Joe.
'I do whatever I want on stage', muttered Joe back.
But Xeno smiled at him - Joe's stage stiffness was not a too big business. Xeno experienced a Cuddly Combo - His FFFoF collied with the PGSoHaAL (Post-Gig Sensation of Having an All-right Life) and he felt ectasy searing his body like a reverse poison.

The band ventured outside, and Hollie greeted her friends, all of whom hugged the entire band. As Hollie babbled in 122 mph about how fun the gig was, Xeno felt a stab of insecurity - the hooded wizard was still watching him.

But as they left the Three Broomsticks, Xeno could not help but engulf himself in such good spirits that he talked happily to everyone without being bored out by the lack of in-depth Gernumbli discussions. And as the sun set by the time they came back to the castle, three things pondered his mind. He wondered who the hooded wizard was, he felt excited about the Idbits being one week from maturity, and his insides squirmed again as he decided to go all-in on Jessica and ask her out.


Blondes have more fun! The Jackson KS300 Lovegood special: Only $499!
(Also known as the Lunatar ^^)

Do not read my fanfic "Bannister Sparke and the Peverell Penultiman Conspiracy"
Xenophilius Lovegood: A Life instead
PS: Tom Marvolo Riddle anagrams into "I am Lord Voldemort", but also "Odd immortal lover"
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Old July 16th, 2011, 12:58 pm
Unrepentant  Undisclosed.gif Unrepentant is offline
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Re: Xenophilius Lovegood: A Life


October went by as swift as the Inrofags stealth mission on Rootshielf IV in the very last Thorplin book, except from the part where their leader established himself as the first mythological wizard ever to succeed the Sneaking Part of the Auror Education flawlessly, yet still submit to the simple and yet devilishly smug agenda of a banana peel. The three things pondering Xeno's mind at the end of the last chapter had grown significantly in significance, during the month.

The Idbits had been such a remarkable success that Xeno, still high on life, raised his random compliment-rants to such a level that he one drizzly Tuesday made Professor McGonagall blush. These bottle-shaped purple plants made you see things that you're usually not able to see. You stand by a river, you see not only a river, but a place for healing your wounds, a place for fun, knowledge, a place for you to connect with your inner river, which the becomes a place for fun and knowledge inside of yourself, even if i'ts outside the inside. Of the outside. Or if you look at Hogwarts, you see not only Hogwarts, but an ancient place, filled with both light and dark secrets. And the more you look, the more secrets starts to unveil in front of you.
'Mindblowing stuff', Xeno often whispered in his bed.

The Idbits has given Xeno's life a boost unlike anything he had ever seen before. (With perhaps the exception of the great Flower Summer of '66, where Xeno spent more time hanging around flowers than usual, in order to boost his mental capacity, his percieving knowledge and his acceptance of Drooble marketing their products at the back of muggle sanitarial products) Their concentration boost and the vividity of the new order, and some great high spirits had joined forces to make sure that, by the end of October, Xeno's homework delays were nonexistent, his SPR down to 0%, his reputation in the staff room relatively positive, his life with the band inspiring and his physical strength absolute.

Xeno was not the type to cork up a butterbeer in the sunset and say "Life's good', but at 8 AM on the 27th of October, that was exactly what he did.

But all good things come with the most gnarly twist. And even though Xeno's life anno October 1970 seemed perfect on the outside, his inside life, his feelings, was in a great disorder. The incident of the Fnurkelroot!Jessica was so unbelievably unbelievable and incredibly incredible that instead of achieving that absolute level of euphoric happiness that was bound to come with the combination of a perfect school life and a perfect emotional life, Xeno's well-being imploded like a swamp castle and crumbled mercilessly down at him.

So instead of the life of a Ravenclaw seventh-year with LOISGO, (Lots Of Interesting Stuff Going On) Xeno now lived something that was very much like a parody of a Weird Sisters ballad. Discovering that he actually had something in common with Jessica just made the thing harder, not easier. Instead of daydreaming serenely about her, Xeno forund himself anxiously working on the common man's most treacherous invention, the "Conversation Starter", whilst surpressing the idea of kidnapping her in a large, hollow birthday cake. He felt anxious and depressed when he though of his poor social skills, and overreacted whenever he saw her talking to another guy. As the Idibits had left Xeno's evenings free of study, he often spent the evenings with his grammophone, listening to The Mark of Aston's "Bleeding Heart" on repeat. He detested himself for becoming such a whiny kid, and yet he felt that never before in his life had he been so much himself.

At the eve of Halloween, Xeno kind of hoped for a dramatic turn in his life, something unexpected that would change everything.
And at the eve of Halloween, such a thing happened.

He just couldn't resist. Xeno had had the phrase "Egg Nog" on his brain the last couple of days, so he decided to simply toss it out in the middle of breakfast.
'What about Egg Nog?' asked Elath just as Josephine Fenwyck tossed her usual, contemptous look at Xeno.
'It sounds nice', replied Xeno.
Joe chuckled, but immediately became serious after that.
'Wrackspurt got ya?' Xeno asked.
'No', said Joe, 'but have you heard of the secret Halloween fest that Burboun and Smith are hosting?'
'Burboun and Smith?' asked Elath. 'The two trouble-making Gryffindors?'
Xeno's interest dropped. Burboun and Smith was the picture staring back at your face when you looked up "annoying" in a dictionary.
'Yeah', said Joe, 'Rumor is...'
'.. a dwarf.', said Xeno.
'What?' said Joe.
'In the second Thorplin book. A dwarf named Rumor.'
Joe chuckled again. 'Whatever. Rumor is that they got hold of some secret party room, and said that after the feast, people that are fourth-years and above are welcome to the seventh floor fore some professor-free party all night long!'
Elath's face shined up.
'That's RAD, man!'
'I know', said Joe, whose face was starting to redden with excitement. 'And since, it's inter-house.. and there's going to be loads of Butterbeer.. I bet you anything that I can get a good shot at that rad-hot Hufflepuff girl that we stumbled upon on last year's Hogsmeade trip..'
Xeno's interest dropped even further. His brain puzzled the words "party" and "butterbeer" together, just to spawn a sarcastically loaded "great".
'Awesome', said Elath, 'I'm super stoked already!'

Xeno bent bitterly over his bacon. He only felt fully apart from Elath and Joe when they talked party and girls. They underwent a Lebberhug Zigat so big that they were barely recognizeable. Xeno shut their masculine talk out from his brain by trying to figure out his latest conspirational theories. The world, it seemed, had been severely deranged and damaged by the key C. C had no marks, but was plain and simple. By it becoming the standardized key note in music, people became plain and simple, indirectly exposed to mainstream music in C, which fiddled with their subconciousness...
'And a whole bunch of them sixth-year girls is attending too, remember Aretha Lewingston? She's hot as phoenix flames, darn..'
This returned Xeno back to reality more effectively than Lamina Roar Deluxe on a dusty fork. He knew very well who Aretha Lewingston was, and who her best friend was.

Of course.. There was one obstacle bigger and tougher than any obstacles in Xeno's Great Quest For Love. The fact that it was almost impossible to encounter Jessica despite the two of them sharing house was mostly due to the structure of Hogwarts school. If you were in different years, you had different classes, and if you had different classes, you had different schedules, and if you had different schedules, you're - to avoid any creative comparsion - screwed. At a not very innocent Halloween party, there would be a social space large for Xeno to close in on her, maybe get a chance to know her for real, a chance positivized by Idbits and Butterbeer respectively.

To shake away all rumdy-dumdy and just explain the situation in a very un-Xeno-ish way; He would have a nice shot at the girl tonight.

And suddenly, all the quiet melancholia inside Xeno swifted character and started to burn. Savagely. He felt very excited, very nervous and very anticipational. They would have DADA, a free period and Charms this day, and with homework gone, the free period would be excellent for mapping out some plans for the night.


After his disastrous first lesson, Professor Hootshield had thought it more safe to let the class read in private on his lessons, whilst he himself pondered the classroom, looking at his watch and refusing to help people. After overcoming that first step of annoyance you could feel to an irresposible teacher, Xeno now thought of Professor Hootshiled's lessons as something disastrously funny. He often lingered behind every lesson to give Hootshield a free bottle of Loser's Lurgy antidote.
'It tastes the best with Veela hair', Xeno always said.

Today's lesson was as fun as ever. Xeno just thought of everything Hootshield said as hilarious.
'Good morning, everyone. Please take out your books and read quietly'.
'Read quietly', Xeno giggled to himself. He decided that 'Read quietly' probably cracked the top 10, but could not really overcome masterpieces such as 'Good day to you, sir', (no. 3) 'No hats!' (no. 5) and 'Please forgive me for this'. (no. 4, said after he had accidentally kicked over Josephine Fenwycks desk so that ink splattered all over her enhanced eyelashes)

After half an hour of quiet reading, during which Xeno really could not help himself from giggling, something happened that did not usually happpen; Professor Hootshield stopped and asked Xeno what was wrong.
'Something funny, Lovegood?'
'You're funny, Professor.' said Xeno.
The sudden hardness and harshness in his voice made several people look up from their books.
'Yeah', said Xeno. 'You say such funny things sometimes, it's hard not to laugh.'
'Like what?' Hootshield's voice was growing colder.
'Like 'Like what'?' said Xeno.
'Like "like what" what?' said Hootshield.
'Like "Like like what what", said Xeno.
'That's it', said Hootshield sternly, but he didn't continue the conversation. Instead, he looked at his watch and refused to help people.

At half past one in the afternoon, Xeno was sweating bullets that slithered down his nose and onto the parchment he wielded in his knees, alone in the school grounds. He was drawing a 5 ft diagram of various social tactics he would employ tonight. Since he so thoroughly lacked the ability to talk to people in ways that was approved by social norms, he resorted to plan b, which was to map out a social scenario, second by second, that would end up with him conversating with Jessica. He had three possible scenarios ready to choose from. Although he had an inevitable feeling that he would end up with No.3, since No.1 required that everyone but them should disappear into thin air, and No.2 required six softballs, a large Bengali tiger and a yo-yo.


Filled with the positive spirits of the Idbits, Xeno stood at the fourth floor with Elath, Joe and David. The other three were engulfed in a wild discussion about the evening; Xeno stood a bit on the side, thinking about Nargles.

They were soon met up by a Gryffindor sitxh-year, who was supposed to escort them to the party. They ventured up some stairs under continued separation. Xeno was starting to feel unreal. He was not nervous - the Idbits took care of that - but he was not really aware that he was about to face the real side of a yearlong fantasy. He was afraid that it would be a letdown, that she would smell ill, be a Ireland Quidditch supporter, or prove to bring unpleasantness on a personality level to such heights that Josephine Fenwyck would be someone you would want as a daughter.

On the other hand, she would turn out to be everything he ever dreamed of, and more. Like the last Thorplin book, which turned out to be just as action-packed and emotive as Xeno had hoped for.

After a while, they arrived at a corridor which displayed a painting with a rather odd man teaching some trolls to dance. Xeno blushed a bit in the half-darkness; The first time he had been here, he had rushed over to this painting and hurled curses at it, believing the odd man to be his deceased grandfather hiding away. It was only after a while that he remembered that his grandfather was actually alive.
They entered a small door to the left of the painting.

The party room was very loud, very crowded and very hot. The walls, floor and ceiling were all burning orange, so that the room felt like being inside a pumpkin. Live bats was circling the air over one hundred Hogwarts students, and the Weird Sisters punctured the halloween mood very effectively with loud, over-emotional wails. Xeno was quick to spot Burboun and Smith drawing obscene symbols in the air with their wands. He was keen to move away from them, and located himself to the bar, which seemed like the least noisy place on the party.

Well safe with one elbow on the bar, Xeno Existed. To Exist was not simply about existing, but about Existing. Existing was a favourite pastime of Xeno's. It meant that you would just stand there and be happy to be alive in this dangerous world. Xeno could spend hours Existing. He had not forgotten about Jessica, but he didn't think much of a man who walked into a party, placed one elbow on the bar, and started looking for pretty girls.

After a while, the music and the chattering became louder. A somewhat tipsy seventh-year Gryffindor came up to Xeno.
'You.. you're that weirdo, eh?!'
'I CAN'T HEAR YOU!', Xeno yelled back.
'YOU'RE THAT WEIRDO, EH?!', the Gryffindor yelled.
'DIP SALAD REKTUM!!' Xeno, yelled.
'YEAH, IT THOUGHT SO TOO', the Gryffindor yelled.
'YOU'RE A BIG TURTLE!', Xeno yelled.

One thing Xeno liked to do at these sort of parties was to make use of the fact that it was so loud that no one could hear you. Xeno found great fun in yelling total nonsense to people that pretended to understand.

'BIG TURTLE!', Xeno yelled.
'YEAH, I AGREE WITH YOU RIGHT THERE!', the Gryffindor yelled.
'IT'S HARD, INNIT?!', the Gryffindor yelled.
LIFE.. IT'S TOUGH, BUT YOU GOTTA LIVE IT!!', the Gryffindor yelled.

The Gryffindor soon became bored with Xeno, and relocated. But Xeno, too, was becoming excruciatingly bored. Ferus was nowhere to be found in his mind, and with the Idbit effect wearing off, he was starting to see less and less humour in a large, sweaty room full of people unable to even withold the slightest doubt of the existence of the Blibbering Humdringer. He figured he should find Jessica quite soon, just to make this evening worth at least something. Even Existing was starting to lose it's edge.

He started looking around the place. It was noisier and more packed than ever. Burboun and Smith was entertaining a large crowd of people with faking the decapitation of a younger student who didn't look too happy about it. The number of people singing along to the Weird Sisters was so large that it made Xeno wish for a career as head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. A tall Hufflepuff student was crowd-surfing, and a dozen girls laughing furiously at Anthon Herberts magically magnified...

And then he saw her. Jessica was heading towards the exit with Aretha and a tiny, blonde girl. She was looking absolutely drop-dead, even with a kind of ragged party dress, and tireness in her eyes.
Xeno felt stunned, because the tireness in her eyes told him that he was just as tired of his party as he was, and that created something that they had in common. As they disappeared through the exit, Xeno stood still. Should he follow? Life could end any day. Elath and Joe was in the middle of a singing crowd. A dead bat was lying on the floor in front of a student who looked perfectly moderate. Xeno followed.

But what he did see at the outside of the party made his stomach drop even faster than Jessicas bag, which she had.. dropped. And someone picked it up for her. "Someone" as in Someone Sonari.

It was a nightmarish sight, to watch Jessica say "thank you", and to watch Someone's slick, butterish grin has he said an incredibly oily "You're welcome, dear", while he flinged his eyebrows seductively in her direction.
'Shall I walk you to your dormitory?', he said, and without waiting for an answer, he took her arm and they walked together through the corridor. And Xeno could see at her muscles that she followed rather willingly, leaving her two friends staggering behind.

Xeno felt a huge, slick swoop of disappointment. Someone Sonari was notorious among Hogwart's girls. The seventh-year Slytherin had had more girlfriends during his seven years at Hogwarts than Jellophril had eyebrows under his soles. Known on the outside as a charming, attractive young man, known on the inside as an obsessive and manipulative dork, he captured the hearts of Hogwarts girls in just a little faster tempo than he crushed them. They say that he posesses an incredible charisma that was plain irresistible. Xeno really and honestly did not understand why; His dark, greasy hair, his watery grey eyes, his buttery skin and his oily smile always made Xeno wonder why the sun didn't melt him down in five seconds flat.

And now he was about to fix Jessica into his net with false promises and promising lies to make sure that she would not be able to move when he plunges his 15 inch knife into her fagile, angelic heart. The thought of it made Xeno shiver unpleasantly. He started to slowly move back to the Ravenclaw Tower with disappointment roaring his well-being. He tried to cheer himself up by imagining the castle's armors at the beach, spraying suntan over their rusty bodies. It kind of helped.


Blondes have more fun! The Jackson KS300 Lovegood special: Only $499!
(Also known as the Lunatar ^^)

Do not read my fanfic "Bannister Sparke and the Peverell Penultiman Conspiracy"
Xenophilius Lovegood: A Life instead
PS: Tom Marvolo Riddle anagrams into "I am Lord Voldemort", but also "Odd immortal lover"
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Old July 26th, 2011, 12:16 am
Unrepentant  Undisclosed.gif Unrepentant is offline
Second Year
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Re: Xenophilius Lovegood: A Life


'That was a high G#!'
Just every once in a while, the members of Rendering Rowena liked to slow the rehearsal down and test each other's limits and skills. Xeno would shred so many notes that he would break a string, Elath would play as many paradiddles that his arms would be sore for weeks afterwards, Joe would slap blood out of his thumbs, and Hollie would strain her lungs to pitch the highest note in the universe.
'Brilliant, Hollie!' said Elath enthustiastically. Hollie was sweating furiously.
'That calls for the end of the rehearsal', said Xeno, and they packed their stuff together and ventured down to the Ravenclaw Tower for some sleep.

'Wow', said Hollie when they reached the common room. 'A high G#! I've never been able to do that before!'. Her cheeks blistered. 'I'm so happy!'
Me too', said Elath. 'The new song is a blast, Xeno. Good work!'
'Thank you, said Xeno. 'Someone is dead' was the most agressive RR tune yet, and it was for an obvious reason. Already the day after the Halloween incident, Xeno did what he had to do; put out the guitar and poured his disappointment into a sick, fast and twitchy song. Every RR-rehearsal since then had been like katharsis. The band felt like this was their best song yet, and the mood was growing high within the band.
'And no homework this week! I'm really stoked on life right now', said Joe as they entered the empty dormitory. 'Right, Elath?!'
'Yeah', said Elath, starting a pillowfight with Joe.

Xeno couldn't really disagree. He WAS happy. The new Rendering Rowena song, the high spirits with the band and the Idbits fixing his school determination and some new clues regarding the Elder Wand whereabouts found in the restricted section all gathered in front of Xeno's heart to form a shield that repelled every sight of Someone and Jessica walking hand in hand in the corridors quite easily.

It was interesting how life worked. When Xeno had found out that he and Jessica had had something in common, he became very nervous, anxious and kind of down. But now when the battle has lost, now that Jessica was standing with her beautiful legs knee-deep in Someone's butter swamp, he was feeling joyful, fierce even. He did not know why. He had tested all kind of theories both the possibility of Yoorethorke, Gurdyroot and st.,lojhjkihn,
but none bore fruit. (Neither did his mother's Karuffia tree)
There was also a giant pillow floating across the dormitory, but Xeno ignored it.


During his years at Hogwarts, Xeno had carefully calculated the relationship between how many people were in the common room on his way down to breakfast and how well the day would go.

One to two people meant a normal day, and the days that three people resided in the chairs, bad things usually happened, like dropping an ink bottle and coming late for class. The few times that the common room had been empty had been wonderful days, such as the day where Xeno met Jessica for the first time.
Xeno put great trust in his observations, and that's why he got really worried when he had walked down the stairs form the dormitory. The common room was packed.

"It IS it really.."
"... just
"... you're saving my life, Josephine, you really are!"
Xeno stood still for a moment. He avoided crowds on principle, as the Nargle Queen often visited him in his sleep to taunt him for seeking companionship. But this morning, curiosity took over. The Nargle Queen was going to give him hell later tonight, but he ingored that fact. The crowd consisted of all the Ravenclaw seventh-years. And Josephine Fenwyck was holding the Thornberry Script to general astonishment.

Xeno staggered backwards. The Thornberry Script was real. Real and inevitable, a bunch of yellowed parchments in Josephines ringed hands. Xeno wanted to shout "Who's right now, dunderheads?!", but shock and awe kept him rooted.

The Thornberry Script was a legend passed from seventh-years to seventh-years, and som say that it is as ancient as the school itself. Executed properly, The Script can make any students, no matter how bad at magic, to pass his or her NEWT's with top marks in every subject. It was rumoured to be completely fail-safe; It had eluded all cheating enchantments and teacher's attention for nearly a millennia. And being a legendoholic, Xeno quickly became intrigued with it when his school work started to falter. He wondered, though, how Josephine had managed to get past Bart, the fifteen-headed squirrel that was rumoured to guard the thing. He thought of asking her; but then he remembered that Josephine loathed him. But then again, it would be fun to ask just to annoy her.

After standing in the outskirts of the crowd for a while, Xeno was given to understand that Josephine, who was more of a social prostitute than anyone in Ravenclaw House, was to copy up the Script to every seventh-year. Except Xeno. He pretended not to hear her when she scowled "YOU won't be getting anything, weirdo" to him. Xeno felt smug in knowing that the Script was uncopyable. Anyhow, he didn't feel like cheating. He was more interested in Bart.

Breakfast this day was a calm affair. Their Arithmancy lesson would not begin in over an hour's time, and Xeno, Elath and Joe liked to take time at the table, enjoying a bit of calmness before two hours of intensive studies about numeral magic. Elath and Joe discussed women, with Lebberhug Zigat clinging loudly above them. Xeno sat with The Moste Dangerous Chief Warlocks of the 1400's, looking up Eldred Kinderhood, who won the Elder Wand from his apprentice. But Xeno hit a dead end after this - Eldred had been 124 years old when this had happened. Had the Elder Wand died with him? Did the Elder Wand lose it's power when it's master died? Xeno had an inevitable feeling that the answer of both questions was yes - but the wand couldn't have died with Eldred, because it was strongly rumored that Marcovic III posessed it, and Marcovic was born long after Eldred. Maybe Eldred had infused the wand with his name, Xeno though humorly, and snapped the book shut. He was strick with a sudden desire to say "Jåååååååååårafilfipursenn".
"Jåååååååååårafilfipursenn", he said rather loudly.
Elath and Joe looked up.
"She's not THAT freckly, Xeno", said Elath.
"What I said had nothing to do with you conversation, E.", said Xeno a bit more surly than he intended.


"Merlin's SACK!"
It was late afternoon, and Xeno, Elath and Joe tossed themselves on a wide sofa in the common room. It had been an exhaustive day. Professor Vektor had pushed them very hard, and then they had a very difficult Charms lesson, where they studied further along the subject of advanced spell creation - and a massive homework assignment on top of that, which made Joe's proclamation of "no homework this week" falter like a dead Gurg. School was back in Xeno's live, as mostrous and vicious as ever. And with the Idbits slowly ending up, Xeno had to rely to his own skills this time.

"My oh my, this looks like a tired lot of students!"
Josephine Fenwyck was approaching the trio and Fabian and Bret, who was seated on the opposite sofa, looking equally exhausted. She was holding a thick bunch of yellowish parchment, and the wish for popularity shone brightly in her greedy eyes.
"I bet that you would all be delighted to hear that I have some extra copies of the one and only Thornberry Script right here.." she shook the parchment bundle. "for only thirty Galleons each!"
Fabian and Elath stretched themselves, looking interested. Josephine's smile was sickeningly greedy, and Xeno wasted no time.
"It won't work", he said harshly.
Josephine looked at him with the disgustful look that she always saved for him.
"The Script's Jinxed", he said. "Seriously, you didn't think the creator of the Script would forget to take such a precaution. He or she would want that one person, and one only, could use it".
"The Script.." said Josephine with a shaking voice.
"..will not function properly when it's copied", said Xeno. "The reader of a copied Script will have a giant Bambooza Spirit coming down from the sky, brandishing the unholy sword of Nengilin, which contains treacle snides, disambling the reader's ability to read."
"Also, how did you manage to get past Bart?" asked Xeno. "At least five of his heads are prune to spit poisonous ice cream, unable to resist, but who will make your toes glued together for the rest of your life."
"IDIOT!", screamed Josephine shrilly, and even the shame-resistant Xeno squirmed slightly when half of the common room looked their way. "You think you're so peculiar and special, and that you know everything! But guess what, XENOPHILIUS, you're nothing more than a jerk and a nerd, and I sincerely hope that your NEWT's would fail miserably!!"
Xeno sighed. He had big trouble in taking screaming girls seriously, specially Josephine. He had told her several times that he certainly did not think of himself as "special" - it was just the societal norms that made him look odd - so he found little use of telling her again.
"There is no such things as the "Blidgering Humbringer", Josephine yelled, "or the Bamboozle Sprite.."
"How can you be so sure?" replied Xeno.
"There is no PROOF!", Josephine yelled.

But now, Xeno flared up. There was one thing that he had little tolerance for, and that was the ever so tiresome argument about "proof". Xeno was a great disbeliever in proof, and he had a list of fifteen counter-arguments to proof whenever he went.
"You don't need proof", he said, pulling out counter-argument #12. "Proof is a humane invention designed to establish truths for the most common man to understand. But as they are designed that way, proof can be easily fiddled with, manipulated and altered. Therefore, you must trust your individual common sense, and your individual.."
"What a load of rubbish", said Josephine, a bit lower, but still with rage searing her voice. "So you can say that common sense enables the existence of your precious humbringer?!"

More and more people were listening in. This didn't bother Xeno; He was used to being severely reviewed for his oddity in front of several eyepairs. He was however slightly jerked in the stomach - more than he thought - when Jessica and Aretha approached the scene.
"It does". he said.
"Then prove it!"
"I don't have to!", he said. "It's existence is enabled or disabled by the scope of one's imagination".
"Prove that they exist" said Josephine childishly angrily.
"Then show me proof that you need proof!", said Xeno, enabling counter-argument #2.
"Your common sense shall not stop me, or anyone else, from making our NEWT, tests!" she said.
"But YOUR common sense shall stop you."
Josephine bulged her eyes angrily.
"And HOW is that going to work out, XENOPHILIUS!?" she said, while her firends giggled at the sound of Xeno's "ridiculous" name.
Xeno glanced quickly at Jessica before continuing.
"Think about it. If you were the creator of a massive piece of magic allowing anyone to pass excellently at the NEWTs, would you not make sure that it would be safe for copying? That no one but the keeper would be able to read it? I know I would."
Josephine fell silent for a moment. Then something happened that did not usually happen. People started to nod approvingly at Xeno, and muttered encouraging words. "That's right", said Fabian suddenly. "I'm not buying this".
He handed his copy of the Script over to Josephine. So did several others.
"A-anyone interested...?" she said, her voice shaking and her eyes overflowing with insecurity. Josephine's friends got struck by the lightning of loyalty, and bought a copy each, but all the seventh-year boys looked highly disapproving, except Morgan, who bought a copy.
Jessica gave Xeno a faint smile, and Xeno felt both Kulfur and FFFFoF radiating happiness over him. The Kulfur was an ancient spirit that housed the winner of argumentations. He was kind and gentle, but disliked water.


Xeno got up on the next day and stretched himself in his four-poster. It was Saturday, and even if it was a Saturday full of study, it was still a day where you could sleep as long as you wanted. Xeno got up and saw that everyone had got up, except Morgan, who was still struggling with the giant mushroom pinning out of his forehead. It had been a great triumph of Xeno's, a great moment of amusement for the common room and a tremendous misfortune for Josephine when everyone that had bought her copy of the Script was branded with a giant mushroom when they opened the bunch of parchments - who also contained notes on how to best dismantle toenails.
"Morning!", said Xeno gleeefully to Morgan.
"Shut up". said Morgan.

Xeno jumped the staircase two steps at a time, and felt magical. He had a very sweet dream - after the Nargle Queen rode on a purple van, telling him off. In the dream, he lived in a cottage with his wife and their daughter, Luna. She had been playing with some Dirigible Plums in their family garden. How very sweet she was. It was these kind of dreams, and spotting wizarding kids in Diagon Alley, that made Xeno super stoked in becoming a father for Luna Elizabeth Lovegood. It shook him how soon this could happen. If he got a functioning love, (he tried not to think too hard of Jessica) it could happen next year. Many witches and wizards started a family right after school for economical reasons. But Xeno felt that it would be safer to wait a couple of years, to grow older and wiser. But it COULD happen. It COULD.

After a healthy breakfast, Xeno, Elath and Joe ventured outside, and let themselves down at the foot of an oak tree. It was quite chilly, so Elath bewitches their robes so that they would be extra warm.
"You reckon that Thornberry thing would feel just about right now", said Joe, continuing their breakfast discussion. When Josephine had realized that she could not get popularity from copying up the Script, she had resorted to trying to establish some kind of power by a morning of endless boasting and waving of the Script under people's noses in the common room. It was really annoying, but Xeno could not help but to feel the tiniest sting of longing for the Script when he thought of the seventh-year's thunderingly difficult Charms essay.
"Nah", he said finally. "Honesty's always the right way to go".
"You're so Hufflish, Xeno", said Elath. "Although at some point, I kind of admire you for that, but someday you have to face the fact that the world is bound to cheat your clean pants off sooner or later".
"And when that happens," said Xeno, "I'll ignore that fact completely, and continue to play my cards white. Hey look," he showed Elath a mark he had done in The Moste Dangerous Chief Warlocks of the 1400's. "Seems like Eldred had a second apprentice, kept secret because of his sexuality! And here I was, thinking that he had hid the wand in his name.." Usually, Elath and Joe would fake a strong interest in Xeno's interest for their own (and sometimes his) entertainment. But this time, Elath just shrugged, and picked up some grass that he crushed with his fist.

Xeno couldn't blame him. Very, very few people believed in the Deathly Hallows. Among all of Xeno's interests, this was the one in which he was all alone in - not even Ferus approved of their existence. So Xeno had to take on the Quest all alone - by spending hours in the library, tracing down the Elder Wand, for it was the only Hallow that was the shadow of traceable. He had a very embarassing moment last year when he was caught going through Fabian's extra clothes to see if one of his cloaks was the Invisibility Cloak. Such was the height of the cluelessness for that Hallow. But worse, if possible, was the Resurrection Stone. How in the Nargle Queen's holy name were you supposed to know where that was?! Xeno had done one very feeble attempt to look for it on a vast beach in southern Scotland many many years ago, but it took five seconds for him to be engulfed by total hopelessness.

Elath and Joe were working on their Charms essays. Xeno felt no motivation whatsoever in divulging neither his essay, nor companionship. So he walked away from them. Without saying goodbye, which he afterwards regarded as kind of rude.

The school grounds were surprisingly crowded, spite it being a slightly chilly Saturday. Here and there were small crowds of people chattering and laughing. Many of them were couples. Xeno spotted Molly and Arthur under a tree, holding hands. They were notorious as the most unseparatable couple in the scool. People often s******ed at Arthur for being "Molly's pet", but Xeno thought they were kind of cute.
But cute certainly wasn't the name for the couple slumping against the castle walls - Someone and Jessica. She was laughing heartily at something that he had whispered in her ear. Xeno felt sickened when he saw how genuine her laugh was. As she wiped her joyous tears with her sleeve, Someone gave her a look so greeedy and lustful that Xeno would not be surprised if he swallowed her whole.

Xeno was so grossed out by the sight, yet he could not quite take his eyes off the ex-princess of his dreams. It ended up with him bumping into something large and soft.
"Oi! Watch yer step!", the soft thing said.
It turned out that he had walked into a female student - but that was really hard to tell. She was so completely plain, boring and everyday-looking that she appeared almost invisible.
"I'm sorry", said Xeno. "It's hard to watch your step when you're grossed out"
"What're ye grossed out 'bout?", she asked. Her voice was rather squeaky, yet pleasant to listen to.
Xeno jerked his head towards Someone and Jessica.
"Yeh tha", she said. "He broke me best friends heart in fourth ye'r. Disgusting guy".
Hearing someone else insult Someone was great relief to Xeno, who felt quite warm.
"I'm Alice by tha way", she said. "Alice Smith".
"Xeno Lovegood", said Xeno.
"Xeno Lovegood?!" said Alice. "The weird guy?".
"Yeah", said Xeno. "The weird guy".
They started walking together.
"Check it out, we're walking together", said Xeno, who was befuddled by this fact. "I've never walked with anyone in this fashion before. It kind of tickles".
"Really?" said Alice.
"Really", said Xeno. "It might be the Pertubian Pukemeister binding us together. Do you know I'm planning on writing a biography?"
"W", said Alice, but she was immediately interrupted by Xeno.

"Of course you don't, you've known me for three minutes. I reckon the title should be 'A Life', but PP heartily disagrees. Like if "Xnenåååfilius L.Goode and ther uber funf Mätar'n" is much better! It's probably his idea for punishment, making us two walk together. But then again, that's a pleasant thing. Hm.".
Alice started to laugh, loud and long. "Yer so funny." she said.
"I'm not actually funny", said Xeno. "I just differ from social norm. But thank you, all the same".
"So, can I ask ye a question?" said Alice.
"I know. For you. It's just Security." said Xeno.
"Wha?" said Alice.
"Nothing", said Xeno. "Just improvising lame poetry. Go on".
"So.." she stopped and took a deep breath, while looking at Xeno, who noticed that she seemed less ordinairy when you focused on her eyes; they were intense and livid. "Ye kno' Josephine, righ'?"
"Yeah", said Xeno. "Not a very pleasant figure, I must say".
"I understand wha' ye mean", sighed Alice. "I used to pu' up with her under all these ye'rs, but since she got her hands on the Thornberry Scrip, she's been a real pain".
"Wait what.. you're Ravenclaw?" said Xeno, suddenly spotting the badge on her robes.
"Ye", she said, slightly abashed. "..We've.. attendid the same classes for seven ye'rs, ye know.."
"Really?" said Xeno. "I have never noticed you. You're kind of invisible and everyday-looking".
"WHA?" said Alice, who looked like if she had taken Xeno's word as an insult.
"It must be the Idbits quabbeling with my mind", said Xeno importantly, and Alice laughed again.

This was not true; Xeno just said that to cover up the damage he had done. He felt ashamed of this. He usually just dealt with the truth. He had no ide of why he would say something that was not true.
"So", continued Alice. "Wha I wanted ter ask you was, can I hang with ye guys?"
"There's no point in that, seeing as there's no... ledge... nearby", said Xeno, who exploded in laughter at his own joke. "But sure", he said after drying his eyes."You could hang with us. I'm sure Elath and Joe won't mind. They like girls".
Alice looked very happy. "Grea", she said. "Let me just tell Josephine the good news! See you soon!"
And she hurried off to the castle.

No sooner had she disappeared than Xeno got further company, in the form of Göörbejkygkh.
"Hey you", said Xeno merrily.
Göörbejkygkh purred, and got up into his lap. Xeno didn't appreciate his cat as much as the fact that he had a cat. Göörbejkygkh was perfectly capable of operating on his own. This suited Xeno well; He mostly only got together with his cat on and off the Hogwarts Express, so it was always a joint surprise to see the creature approach him under a school term. Elath and Joe seemed to think that Xeno abused his cat by not companying it. But this was not true - if anything, Xeno found that he and Göörbejkygkh were spiritual partners in not wanting company.

The name bothered him though - he had recieved Göörbejkygkh at the age when he was being pelicular just for the sake of it, and named him such a weird name possible.

Xeno ventured into the castle. The encounter with the mysterious Alice had left him in quite good spirits, although he still was quite ashamed about his accidental lie. He figured he would put it in the back of his head with some Salazar and the Slipperings tunes, before divulging into Professor Flitwick's essay.

Well up in the common room, he saw that Josephine was sitting alone in a corner, poring over the Script. Xeno strongly suspected that it was to establish herself as someone important and powerful, being possessor of the Script and all - but no one took notice of her. Her usual gang of girls were nowhere to be seen. Elath and Joe sat with Hollie in a soft couch, playing Exploding Snap. Usually, Xeno appreciated it more when Hollie was part of their group; it balanced it up somehow. But he still felt as unwanting for company as he had somehow done all day. He also saw Jessica, alone in another corner, poring over a book. It was a chance, but no. Not tonight. Without saying anything, he just left the common room, and he though he felt Elath's eyes following him.

Well on his own, Xeno decided that time was ripe for a night-time Idbits stroll. But he had to wait for the sky to darken first; It was risk for someone seeing him from a castle window anyways. Xeno therefore decided to Exist for an hour or two.

Suddenly, a giant carrot with big, green eyes descended into the corridor. Xeno felt that this was no surprise, after all, this was a magic school, but he still liked the fact of it.
"So, Xenophilius". said the carrot, whilst looking sternly at him. Xeno thought that his look was oddly severe, like if he had done anything wrong.
"Why do you look at me severely, like if I had done anything wrong?", said Xeno.
"I'm your concience, Xenophilius", said the carrot. "I have arrived
"My co..", said Xeno, whose insides started do dance. "Does this mean that Arkilemz has finally come down to take me to the promised land of the Etterilett?!"
"No, Xenophilius", said the carrot sternly. "This is happening inside your head, Xenophilius".
"Stop saying my full name like that", said Xeno irritably. "And what do you mean 'in my head'?"
"I'm here because something is bothering you, Xenop.. yeah", said the carrot. "Something that you won't fully acknowledge.
"Really?" said Xeno. "And what is that?"
"The NEWT exam is going to chew you alive, and you can do nothing about it. You're too busy with the band, your random obsessions and your other random obsessions that there's no time to study, and you know it".
"That's.. true", said Xeno. It actually was true.
"So you know what to do X.. that's right", said the carrot.
"No, what must I do, O Carrot", said Xeno in a mock voice.
"Seize the Thornberry Script", said the carrot.
"WHAT?" said Xeno, befuddled. He never thought that he ever had to interfer with anything that had to do with Josephine Fenwyck. The fact that the script was a highly sought magical object among Hogwarts seventh-years (or the fact that Xeno played fair) was not as much a concern.
"You know it's the only way to pass your exam", said the carrot. "Deep down, you know. Seize the script - or fail".

The carrot dissapeared in a whirl of hair-balls, leaving Xeno feeling more uneasy than he had felt all day. This was not going to be hard - it was going to be near impossible. But he could not, no matter how much he tried, feign off the fact that the carrot was as right as a wandless wizard in Lemonia.

Xeno The Cheater. Oh well.



Blondes have more fun! The Jackson KS300 Lovegood special: Only $499!
(Also known as the Lunatar ^^)

Do not read my fanfic "Bannister Sparke and the Peverell Penultiman Conspiracy"
Xenophilius Lovegood: A Life instead
PS: Tom Marvolo Riddle anagrams into "I am Lord Voldemort", but also "Odd immortal lover"
Reply With Quote
Old September 28th, 2011, 10:46 pm
Unrepentant  Undisclosed.gif Unrepentant is offline
Second Year
Joined: 4825 days
Location: SWEDEN ^^
Age: 29
Posts: 175
Re: Xenophilius Lovegood: A Life


White was Xeno's 7th favourite colour, but as his list of favourite colours was just as even as his list of favourite Kenspellow sweets, he still thought of it as quite rad. So he was the happiest one in the Ravenclaw common room when everyone got down to see that the castle grounds was thick with snow.
'Oh NO!', said Garlatan Brunsband loudly. 'Not SNOW!'
He was followed by scattered moans and groans. Xeno, however, whispered "You're DEAD in the next snowball fight!' in Hollie's ear.
'No, YOU, are!', she whispered back.
They ventured down to the Great Hall for breakfast.
And as always on the 10th of December, Xeno got a letter from home.
'What's that?' asked Joe.
'Letter from home', said Xeno dully while scooming though the letter. 'They're asking if I'm all right, and if I desire to come home for Christmas, since Abrahaglossion is coming over'.
'He don't exist', said Joe stubbornly.
Xeno refused to counter his reply. Many people believed that because Xeno was so 'odd', it was not possible for him to have siblings - Elath and Joe often made it a running joke. Of course, Abrahaglossion and Derpensdorf had both quit Hogwarts when he had started it, but there was still the fact that they existed.

But Xeno had virtually no contact with them. Although bonded by blood, they were just as different from Xeno as, say Professor McGonagall. As such a different child, Xeno had to grow up himself while the rest of his family tendered to one another, and dring his childhood, he more often sought advice from Ledse, the red officer of the previous generation of Blibbering Humdringers, than his own mother.
'You're going there, then?' asked Joe.
'No', said Xeno,. 'They'll just sit around there, discussing wines, gossip and politics, and I'll just be bored'.

'Well, have fun, then', said Joe. He and Elath always went home for christmas. They insisted that Xeno was a dull wart not accompanying his family on this fine holiday. But Xeno insisted just as intensely that he preferred that way. If Hogwarts was a good place to study magic in, it certainly was an excellent place to spend christmas holidays on. Xeno much preferred the castle when it was all quiet and peaceful. Although he of course never socialized much - but it was a quite pleasant feeling, snoozing up the air of peace around the castle. There was also Knaz in the air at that time, a rare arom that tickled the nostril hair in a fashion that made you belive that you had more money that you really posessed.

A silent tickle of irritation was pondering his chest as they trooded their way up the marble staircase. As always when he got contact from home, he made a time travel in his head through seventeen years worth of misplace. He had always felt that yes, his parents had given him much love during his upbringing, but not so much understanding. And Xeno felt that they both were equally important. No, family was not a too happy a topic for him, although he admitted that it could have been much worse - in the end, he was happy that Pat and Oi Lovegood at least gave him some tolerance. That was worth something.

Xeno's family-centric thought circles spun around in his head for quite a while, and it was not until dinner that he was jerked into a different thought circle by hitting something large and soft on his way up from the dungeons.
'Owch! Whatch where ye goin!', the large and soft thing said.
'Who?', said Xeno, peering at it.
'Alice', said Alice, slightly taken aback. 'Don't yer recognize me?'
'Ah', said Xeno stupidly. Now that his eyes had adjusted to the sheer unnoticableness of the thing in front of him, he saw the incrediously plain-looking Alice from the last chapter. 'You..', his mind raced.. 'You want to hang out or something?'
'Hang out?', said Alice, apparently buffed. 'I've hung out with all of you all the day! Ye haven't noticed'.
Xeno felt his face rise in colour. 'No..'
'Not?', said Alice, who had now sped past taken aback and buffed to make a schreeching halt at hurt. 'Why not? Didn't ye notice me at all?'
'No', said a still red Xeno, who felt that just like any pressed situation, honesty was the only way to go, however harsh it may sound.
'Whaddya mean "NO"?!', she said, detouring hurt to make s quick turn through angry. 'I was there, and I talked to yeh an all that!'
'Well', said Xeno, 'just like any pressed situation, honesty is the only way to go, however harsh it may sound'.
'How..', said Alice, but she seemed to have dropped the conversationa thread - Xeno could see it slither out of sight beneath her feet. Taking advantage of it, Xeno continued. ''You like Reich Due?'.
'Nah', said Alice, 'too much reverb".
And just like before, they started their odd synchronized walking together towards the Great Hall. Xeno was relieved to see that even with his poor social skills, he had managed to steer a conversation away from dangerous waters without lying.

He was less relieved, however to see that although they were not speaking, Elath and Joe had seated themselves right opposite Jessica and Someone, who had buttered to Flitwick for permission of sitting next to "my sweetheart". Xeno resisted the urge to simply turn in the door.
'Come! We'll seat with our friends, righ?', guided Alice him to the place in front of Elath and Joe.

'Hey you lot!', said Elath gleefully. Joe tried to say something, but his mouth was so full of treacle tart that he barely made out a "Wnnnnoffmf".
'Come again?', said Alice.
'He just wants to sell carpets', said Xeno. When Alice frowned at him, Xeno continued 'But everyone know that in the ancient, non-standardized version of Gobbledegook, Wnnnnoffmf clearly translates "I have no face, but can show you millions of pound's worth of gold in carpets".

Joe was getting even harder to speak, but now it was more cause to the fact hat he was laughing underneath his massive load of treacle tart.

'So', said Elath, who looked quite serious spite the fact that Joe was choking to death next to him, 'I recieved an owl from Mr. Underhill, and he said that we're in!'
Xeno felt a great rush of excitement powerful enough to diminish Jessica and Sonari back to the corner of his eye.
'That's great!', he said. He could feel his cheeks fluster.
'B...Awes..ode', said Joe in a very thick voice, for he had uttered the word at the same time that he forced all (all) his treacle tart down his small throat.
'So', Elath continued, 'It's soundcheck at 4 pm, we play fourth or fifth band, dunno, but we'll make sure to be there around 3, just to be on the safe route.
'Safe route's nice', said Xeno gleefully.
'This is GREAT!' Elath strected his arms and smiled broadly. 'Rendering Rowena on the annual Winter Throwdown festival in Ottery St. Catchpole! It sure is a dream coming true.
'Dream coming true..', said Xeno absent-mindedly.
'Have you told Hollie yet?', said Joe.
'No', said Elath, suddenly gazing across the Ravenclaw table.
'She's probably not back from 'er detention', said Alice suddenly. 'She's s'pposed to help Flich scrubbin off some wart frogs.. anyways, I gotta go, see yer soon!'
She trodded off with a feint smile. Xeno made sure that Jessica and Someone was still snogging when he bent over to Elath and Joe.

'Who IS that', he whispered. Both Elath and Joe looked at him suspiciously.
'Who is who?', said Joe.
'That Alice bloke', said Xeno. 'I just noticed her'.
Elath and Joe switched worried looks before looking to Xeno.
'She's been with us constantly for two weeks', said Joe. 'How DARE you', he added, suddenly angry. 'She's our homegirl. And you have never noticed her?!'
'It was actually you who suggested she hang with us in the first place', added Elath smugly.
Xeno felt group-mauled. Someone was using his tongue now.
'I know, but I have just never..noticed her', said Xeno defensively.
'But you hardly notice anything, do you Xeno', said Joe and Elath laughed. 'Remember the sorting seven years ago? You simply trodded off in the wrong direction when your name was called.
Both of them were laughing now. Xeno felt colour rise on his chins. He begun to feel that this was not a very pleasant experience.
'And remember the time when you didn't notice the greenhouse, and trodded right into an open window and Sprout had to kill a plant because it was killing you?' added Joe grudingly.
'But you can't deny that Alice is so plain-looking that it's extra hard to notice her!', said Xeno, trying to defend himself. 'She just melts into the background!'
Elaths laugh vanished.
'Now THAT is not a nice thing to say', he said. 'Are you calling our homegirl a plainie? I may have to report you to the stars Mr. Xeenie Lovegood!'. Both of them laughed.
'Or the "Sucky Springle"', added Joe.
More laughing.
'"Ooh, check me out, I'm so honest I don't care whether I'm hurting people's feelings or not!"', said Elath with a theatrically absence-look on his face.
More laughing.
'"Oooh check me out, I'm in space!', said Joe, emulating the same face.
'See you later', Elath said viciously, and the two of them left.

Xeno sat for a while at the half-full ravenclaw table, feeling miserable and empty. Seventeen years had passed since Elath Fer Alen Ascara and Joseph Emanuel Stebbins was tossed into this life, and they were still hopeless victims to the inhuman concept of bullying. It was not the fact that it happened that bothered him - he was, in a sad way, used to bullying, but the fact that it has effectively punctured the happy bubble inside Xeno's chest that had arisen during Elath's revelation of the Otter St. Catchpole gig. On a slightly "happier" side note, Jessica was still eating face with Someone, a shocking five feet from Xeno - he was thankful after all that she had not been watching.

Even though he was half-finished with the meal and still quite hungry, Xeno left the table to walk away. His stomach felt heavy and his eyes watery. Everything that he disliked about wizards, about humans, about socializing, about group dynamics and about boys and power was manifested into the picture burned into his mind - that last, mischiveous look from Joe that showen nothing more that ill will, a desire to push one individual down to raise own status.

He didn't know where he was going, he just strolled around corridors, mauling the uncomfortable experience over and over again, sometimes spicing it up with versions where Elath and Joe drowned in a thick, yellowish substance, or got eaten by Yyryyr. After a while, his stomach eased a little, and he spent more time thinking about Hallows, arguing with Ferus, fantesizing about Luna and miserating over Jessica. He Existed a little bit. Still pretty wheeled down, he decided that his time was better spent doing some homework or playing some guitar, so he steered his steps back to the tower.

Well in front of the giant eagle, waiting for another riddle, he crossed roads with Hollie.
- Heya there! she said cheerily. She was always cheerily.
- Hello you, said Xeno who felt his spirits rise - at times like these, Hollie's uncompromised, female non-bullying friendship was very uplifting. He added 'You lift me up today'.
'Lift?', said Hollie, looking politely bewildered. 'What do you mean lift?'
'I just had an unpleasant social situation with Elath and Joe, that's all, said Xeno'. To his horror, he felt his voice stock in his throat.
'Really? Tell me more.', said Hollie, her eyes widening. Xeno felt gratitude in his heart. Hollie was, to face the sad truth, often quite obnoxious, but every once in a while she slowed down, and showed a side of herself that was not only compassionate and caring, but downright adorable. And judging by the look she was giving Xeno, she was in such a state right now, a perfect opportunity for Xeno to engage her in a saucy, oversugared "my-friends-are-so-mean-to-me-sis-help-me-out"-session that was oh so boring but oh so neccesary.
'Sure!', said Xeno quite haughtily. 'We'll sit down here!'

It took seventeen minutes and fifteen seconds. Like a haze, or a really cheesy theatre play, Xneo had spilled every single bean to Hollie about his growing ill feelings towards Elath and Joe - how they were SO unlike him, how they often bullied him, how off he felt when they were talking girls. And Hollie poured consideration, consolation and some other fancy C-word over him. Xeno felt friendly warm towards her and absorbed this rare, Caring!Hollie-moment with the power of a muggle sponge.

Suddenly, a high-pitched scream reached them, even from behind the thick castle wall separating them from the Ravenclaw Tower.
'What's going on?' Hollie asked the air.
Suddenly, the Raven spun aside, and to Xeno's mixed disappointment and amusement, Elath and Joe emerged.
'Hi, Hollie', said Elath without a second glance at Xeno, although Joe met his eyes for the fraction of a second with an unrecongizeable feeling registered in their deep-blue depth. 'You wouldn't want to go in there'.
'Why?', said Hollie
'Because..', said Elath, and he was half-about to laugh. 'Jonsephine's having a gigantic tantrum, reeeeally making a scene of it. She's lost her precious little script, you see. And she's all screaming and rageing just to draw attention to herself, silly girl'.

Elath shrugged, exchanging looks with Joe. 'Anyhow, we're about to head for the library, chances are that Alice found us some handy Charms spellbooks! see you later'
'Yeah, see you', said Hollie.
Something large and skin-coloured hit Xeno. He turned around, and saw that Alice was hurling down the corridor after Elath and Joe, and Xeno caught her livid eyes shooting him a contemptous look.
Xeno turned around. Hollie was already inside the common room, she had spotted her sixth-year friends, and was abandoning her caring persona for the standard "popular madonna" Hollie faster than Xeno could say "buggles". (And Xeno could say "buggles" very fast) But he didn't mind, his neverminding mind was working furiously.

So, Josephine had lost her script. Xeno did not know how, or when or why, but one thing was for sure; that the mission assigned to him by the carrot was jerked back to his mind. He had decided (to the Nargle Queen's great demise) to just ask the carrot to shut it and that he, Xeno, though of getting Josephine to separate from her precious Script as a feat as implossible as any impossible feat. His time was better spent somewhere else.

But now, the table was turned, everything was upside-down, and Xeno's quest for eternal knowledge could start again, now with realistic views. It was not that he did not want the script - after swallowing some truths, he had decided to shunt some morals, and get some cheating done, just in time to figure pout that the imposibilityness of robbing Joesphine of the Holy Grail of attention. But now, the table was turned, and this fanfic became kind of repetative.

Xeno decided here and then to pick the thing up again. After all, it was a Quest. And you didn't bail on a Quest.


The following week, Rumour (not the dwarf) walked the Ravenclaw Tower about the whereabouts of the Script. Josephine was still keeping to herself, but with sadness instead of smugness lined in her square face. She had recollected such a huge wave of impopularity during her period of Script posession that no one bothered to ask her about it's whereabouts. That made way for Rumour (again, not the dwarf) to spread his wide, greyish wings and fly. A state of suspicion was hanging in the dormotories of the seventh-years. Fabian suspected Elath, Elath suspected Stephen, Stephen told everyone that he had the Script, but was proven wrong by David, who suspected all of the girls, who suspected Joe, who suspected everyone.

Xeno tried a few times to locate the darn thing, but he was pushed backwards by such a large wall of false information, trickery, deceit and spying (Lena Rodinant had followed him to the boy's room with a large, posionous toad to trick the Script's location from him - she was fed the information that Xeno was the posessor of it by Alana, who did so to lure her off her trail from David - Alana believed David had it, because she had heard him late one night at the library, discussing it's hideout with Lynch, whom he was suppsed to have a pact with, if you believed Elath) that he decided to back off, and approach the Quest more passively.

Also, he had more pressing issues to deal with. Winter Throwdown was just one week away, and rehearsing had never been more uncomfortable. Of course, everyone was everyone's enemy in the eternal circus of the Script, but that didn't stop Elath and Joe from carefully nudging Xeno out of their social circle with one hand and embracing Alice as their new third party with the other - a process that went straight under Xeno's nose, mainly because he never noticed her. But it was getting more and more tiring to watch them talk enthusiastically to thin air, whilst ignoring him.

Of course, he didn't mind - he had plenty of Ferus, Existing and pondering the Terepens Thought Patterns (TTP) to entertain himself with. But in the context of a band, it became quite endearing. The reharsing room was often filled with a thick air of unspoken words, words which Xeno did not want to speak. He was too afraid that something would snap. Matters did not get better when Hollie instisted on teaming up with Joe afterwards. This left Elath and Xeno - who always had Joe between them as a social anchor - in a silence that even Xeno considered uncomfortable.

And to add a little extra weight upon his heart, the more he avoided them, the more he seemed to walk across Someone and Jessica, their lips sealed together more tightly than the fate of Jellophril and the Quiet 'n Quirky Quantus tribe. Xeno felt very ambivalent in how he wanted their relationship to end - Someone was known for crushing the hearts of his girls pretty quickly, but Xeno did not think that he could stand watching Jessica bleed like that - what if she turned inwards and became really upset and depressed? And yet, Xeno's loathing for the slick git was growing even steadier as the days passed by.


On the night before Winter Throwdown, Xeno woke up to the sound of urgent whispers.
'... No, that can't be it'
'.. We better tell him'
He opened his eyes, and to mild astonishment, saw all the other six Ravenclaw seventh-years, including Elath and Joe, heads tight together, whispering frantically. When they saw that he saw him, however, Elath conjured a Saw, and saw to that everyone left the dormitory quickly, with something like guilt riddled in their faces. A clause of quiet melancholia hid Xeno - he felt somehow that they had talked ill of him just before he was jerked awake, no less because of yet another lunatic Script conspiracy than because he was a general nutter. Fact still retained solid form that this was the first time, ever, that he had recieved semi-ill excluding behaviour from all six of his dormitory mates. It was making him sad.

Xeno put on his grammophone on. Some Salazar and the Slipperings in the morning made his mood improve a little bit. After two songs, he put it aside and strolled down for breakfast. He was humming slightly for hismelf, and danced absent-mindedly down the stairs, flinging his arms here and there. People were staring and whispering, but he had long since learned to ignore them. His spirits rose as he walked down to a lonely spot at the end of the Ravenclaw table, and saw Ferus there, awaiting him with a ton of Thorplin topics to make the last day before the most interesting gig in Rendering Rowena's history go a litte faster.


Blondes have more fun! The Jackson KS300 Lovegood special: Only $499!
(Also known as the Lunatar ^^)

Do not read my fanfic "Bannister Sparke and the Peverell Penultiman Conspiracy"
Xenophilius Lovegood: A Life instead
PS: Tom Marvolo Riddle anagrams into "I am Lord Voldemort", but also "Odd immortal lover"
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