Harry and Cho: Who was the jerk?

[potions_geek]

I know that a lot of people think that Cho was being self-centered when she got angry at Harry for the whole Cedric thing, yet he was the one who gave her no comfort even though HER BOYFRIEND JUST DIED!!!!!!! All of you out there with boy/girlfriends, I'm sure that you would want some comfort from them if your ex died (before you broke up).
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"I know it must be horrible for you," she said, mopping her eyes on her sleeve again. "Me mentioning Cedric, when you saw him die....I suppose you just want to forget about it...."

Harry didn't say anything to this; it was quite true, but he felt heartless to say it.

(OotP 456) american hardcover version
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So he didn't want to "rebreak" her heart, which is fine, but he didn't even attempt to mend it? In my eyes that's something that he should be doing while his almost-girlfriend is crying her eyes out right in front of him, the poor girl....

So why do people say that Cho is the jerk when Harry's the one providing Cho with no emotional comfort at all? Is it wrong for Cho to try to find someone to express her feelings to and someone that she can relate to (in the terms of losing those that you love)? She's only looking for answers, and with problems like the ones she had in OotP, I don't blame her for that.

[riot_grrl]

I'm not exacly sure. Yes,Harry was being a jerk mentioning Cedric to Cho,but it was very rude of Cho to burst out at Harry for mentioning him. They were really both the big jerks there.

[HedwigOwl]

Originally Posted by potions_geek

I know that a lot of people think that Cho was being self-centered when she got angry at Harry for the whole Cedric thing, yet he was the one who gave her no comfort even though HER BOYFRIEND JUST DIED!!!!!!! All of you out there with boy/girlfriends, I'm sure that you would want some comfort from them if your ex died (before you broke up).
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"I know it must be horrible for you," she said, mopping her eyes on her sleeve again. "Me mentioning Cedric, when you saw him die....I suppose you just want to forget about it...."

Harry didn't say anything to this; it was quite true, but he felt heartless to say it.

(OotP 456) american hardcover version
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
So he didn't want to "rebreak" her heart, which is fine, but he didn't even attempt to mend it? In my eyes that's something that he should be doing while his almost-girlfriend is crying her eyes out right in front of him, the poor girl....

So why do people say that Cho is the jerk when Harry's the one providing Cho with no emotional comfort at all? Is it wrong for Cho to try to find someone to express her feelings to and someone that she can relate to (in the terms of losing those that you love)? She's only looking for answers, and with problems like the ones she had in OotP, I don't blame her for that.

Well, not counting the fact that they were never really right for each other -- just attracted to each other, which is different -- Cho pulled Harry in by treating him as a boyfriend, but what she was really looking for was information and empathy. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but she probably shouldn't have mixed the boyfriend/friend role. Harry, on the other hand, always had seemed to have a crush on Cho, and he was trying to get past the horrible experience of Cedric's death, not analyze it. I don't think either one was a jerk, just wanting different things and from the wrong people.

[LB_Phoenix]

Well, I never really thought Cho had acted badly, though I didn't agree with her behavior when she and Harry went into the tea shop. However, Harry doesn't feel romantic feelings towards Cho anymore, since he admited to it at the end of OotP. I think that may be the case of why he didn't comfort her. He'd already bungled up his last conversation with Cho and that had been terribly awkward for the both of them and, with that being as it was and, after a lot of things happened to Harry in book five, their relationship fell out, since I think it was hard on Cho to talk about Cedric and Harry didn't want to remember Cedric's death, since he has to deal with nightmares about him sometimes.

What I'm getting at is, after so many things happened to Harry after his awkward conversation with Cho and, after the huge fight and the sudden revealing of the Prophecy, things changed for Harry and he realized that, to his surprise, he didn't feel romantically inclined to Cho anymore, which isn't surprising. A lot can change a man and what Harry found out from Dumbledore was enough to sober anyone. It's just how he felt and now that they're no longer an item (at least, not when it comes to Harry), Cho will have to find a better outlet for her tears than Harry, who was never really inclined to talk about Cedric anyway. I'm not saying he shouldn't have been better at comforting her, but men aren't exactly very good at that, especially if they've never been in a situation like that before.

[perspicacious]

Neither! Cho was a little emotional, yes. But she's 15 and her boyfriend just died. Harry was a little insensitive, yes. But he's a teenage boy who doesn't understand girls!

[BballPlaya05]

potions_geek: but could cho even begin to realize and comprehend what harry had just gone through? no. it was wrong of her to burst out at harry like that, especially when she knows full well that he is going through such a time in his life that very few people can even begin to imagine.

when harry DID finally relent to her constant sniffles, i seem to remember that he told her somewhat of how he died, then cho responded with something like "but did he mention me at all before he died?"
that just shows that she doesnt even realize he got hit with the curse, and died instantly. she seems to act like its harry's fault for him not mentioning her name, or even harry's fault that he died, just because harry witnessed it.

[Desraelda]

This was Harry's first attempt at a romantic attachment. It's not surprising that he didn't know what to do when Cho started crying all over him. Hopefully, he learned something from Hermione's little talks and will do better next time. Harry was just Cho's transitional man and she picked him because he was with Cedric when he died.

[Lash Dresden]

Neither was a jerk. They were both just acting their age.

[smartamy15]

Originally Posted by Rapunzel

Neither was a jerk. They were both just acting their age.

Unfortunately, some teenagers act their age by being jerks. James proves this too- he was a bit of an idiot. But I don't think either Cho or Harry were a real, flat-out jerk. Cho was just wasn't ready for a new boyfriend since she still misses Cedric so much. And Harry was just... tactless, very tactless. Boys may argue that girls are tricky to understand and to please at times, but you have to admit that Harry didn't think before he spoke at Madam Pudifoot's. But that's getting off topic.

[SSJ_Jup81]

I didn't feel either was a "jerk" either. I felt that Cho really did have some kind of feelings towards Harry (GoF, she was sincerely sorry for not being able to go with Harry to the Yule Ball), but got attached to Cedric. She may have had feelings still for Harry even after Cedric, but felt incredibly guilty because of it and also didn't get the chance to grieve and get completely over Cedric's death.

IMO, she was far too emotional to get involved with anyone in general (not just Harry), and also needed emotional support, and looked to Harry to get that support. I personally found Harry a bit insensitive towards Cho in that sense by not really supplying her with that emotional support she felt she could get from him, who she probably assumed felt the same as she did over the subject.

Either way, both, like Rapunzel pointed out, were more than likely just acting their age, and also showed that Harry wouldn't probably fit with a girl who is the emotional type or requires emotional attention. As for Cho, she seems to be more compatible with someone who's actually open, and we all know Harry is anything but open.

[TheRealDJ]

Well harry was a bit of a jerk, but forgivably so. No one in their teens are experts at the art of romance, especially with the first girl they ever go out with.
Cho on the other hand was wanted a codependent relationship founded around how terrible Cedric's death was. She just wasn't in a place where she should've dated anyone.

[Vita]

I think Harry was just being a regular guy that finally got what he wanted and didnt know what to do with it and a WHOLE bunch of other junk came up so he had to reprioritize and suddenly Cho didnt fit quite so much in the picture. I dont think that he ever stopped liking her even after the scuffles (dont they say you never forget your first love?) but he realized that he could never be all that Cho wanted and that she, as wonderful as she was could never be what he needed.

[Leilani]

i think harry acted perfectly reasonable. i mean he watched the boy die. she was completely insensitive to that fact. she was selfish in her grief. but thats understandable. harry was selfish and insensitive in his grief too. i just think that his problems are slightly larger (not more important) than hers.... they were both jerks. but she started it....

[Mae]

i think they both acted like jerks; however, both also had justifiable reasons for it. you can't really blame em, you know? i supposed when you're reading the book for the 1st time, you instinctively defend harry, but remember, the book is in his point of view so what we're reading can be slightly biased. cho and harry are seriously messed up people.

[James Macca]

im not going to bother reading all those..
there really is no case for harry being a jerk..
cho sucks haha thats my two cents..
on that note.. harry is blind in an emotional sense, but then again, cho must be like a manic depressive or something along those lines to have such unreasonable reactions whenever someone mentions cedric..
personally, all guys are shallow emotionally.. and if that means guys are jerks.. then we're all jerks.. woo for us..
and riot girl.. u rock.. MCR rock my socks.. if ur from america.. did u go to taste of chaos.. and if ur not.. r u gonna go when it goes global.. sorry for going off topic but my off topicness can easily be resolved in one post.. thus its not really a biggy..

[cerussite]

Neither.

They both weren't ready after what happened, Harry didn't want to talk about it, Cho did. Cho was on the rebound (kinda), Harry was under to much pressure. Neither had the emotional stability to cope when things in the romance didn't go quite as planned. I think they would have done quite well if Cedric's death was not an issue. Neither were ready.

I don't think it's fair to call either of them jerks, Harry did his best in an area he has little to no experience in, he had his own troubles that, as evidenced by his temper, were overwhelming him. He didn't have the time nor energy to take care of Cho, when he needed some one to take care of him really. The same with Cho, she needed some one to take care of her, but Harry didn't have anything left after trying to take care of himself.

Harry has a more depressive personality to begin with, so if you put him with some one who is depressed all the time, they will probably end up depressing eachother.

At the end of the day they are kids, neither set out with the intent of hurting each other, but some times these things just don't work out.

(I do feel a bit sorry for Cho, because of how many people hate her just because she was upset that her boyfriend was murdered)

[Marina]

I think that Cho just was going too quick into the romance thing, especially so soon after Cedric's death. Harry, having not known how much grief she must be feeling, may've been uncomfortable, and just not known the right thing to say. I think guys just aren't the overly huggy type (correct me if I'm wrong, guys), like girls are. If Cho had been Harry's girlfriend after Sirius had died, then he might've felt more sympathy for her. Not that I want them back together just because of Sirius' death

[Wab]

Cho deserves a lot more credit than she is given.

First her boyfriend dies in mysterious circumstances with the only witness being a person known to fancy her.

Then when they go on a date Harry is eager to go meet Hermione.

If I were her I'd've decked him.

[Adiah]

This is a piece I cut out of an editorial I started writing awhile back:

This shows how two different people have very different reactions to a common grief—Harry reacts by trying to forget the whole thing and pretending it didn’t happen, while Cho reacts by attempting to confront it and actually talking about it openly. She says during the date in Madam Puddifoot’s that she needs to talk about it; she deals with grief by facing it, and pretending it didn’t happen and trying to ignore it only makes it worse—her problem is, she doesn’t really have anyone to discuss it with (the absence of her usual troupe of giggling girls in the book was rather conspicuous to me; the only person we ever see her spending time with in OotP, other than Harry, is Marietta Edgecombe, which may make her defense of Marietta after Marietta tries to report the DA to Umbridge more understandable—the fact that Marietta continued to go along with Cho to the DA even though she didn’t want to and was disobeying her mother’s orders by doing so is also worth noting).

As you may have figured out, I feel nothing but sympathy for Cho, and it disturbs me that many Harry Potter fans have written her off as unstable and someone to be despised. The fact is, while many people have admitted that Harry’s angst in Phoenix rather annoyed them, they still want to defend him on this issue by vilifying Cho and making as though their break-up was entirely her fault. I’m not trying to say she was completely faultless; I’m also not saying that this was completely Harry’s fault either, but he did have a hand in it. As good a guy as Harry is, or at least tries to be, he is not perfect, and his inability to sympathize with Cho makes that fact painfully obvious. To be perfectly honest, as brutal as it may seem, Harry liked Cho for her looks, not her personality—he’d never even spoken to her before he fell for her, and while such relationships do work occasionally, it is actually a very rare thing and could probably be attributed more to coincidence than anything else.

Originally Posted by Wab

Cho deserves a lot more credit than she is given.

First her boyfriend dies in mysterious circumstances with the only witness being a person known to fancy her.

Then when they go on a date Harry is eager to go meet Hermione.

If I were her I'd've decked him.

I agree with this completely.

[hermy_weasley2]

I'm not going to take sides because I think it's safe to say that it just didn't work out.