Snape's Point of View 2: Post-HBP PTSS version.

[Billywiggy]

Hermione Snape - I shudder to think what you're going to do to Snape if you've made Hermione a werewolf . . .

Originally Posted by MoonysAngel

Well, at least she won't forget to take her potion!

Thestralgrin - Fantastic idea! Can't wait to see them . . .

[Morgan_Emerald]

Oh guys, you're absolutely marvellous! I am in desperate need for some Muffliato right now, because I am attracting all kinds of attention while gasping, choking, snorting, spluttering and fitting with laughter! I have only just discovered this wonderful thread - still about forty pages of catching up to do - so unless anyone passes me a Time Turner I can probably forget about ever finishing my Master Thesis ;-) Please, keep it up! I LOVE it!

[JENGEORGE]

OOOH! I just discovered this thread- and have spent the last three days reading from the beginning in every spare moment I had (and some not-so-spare moments too!) What an exceptionally talented group of folks!!!!!

I have only one question: The Black Adder: when is your next installment of 'Celebration'? I am totally hooked!!!!!!!!

Keep up the great writing everyone! Subtle Science- you are amazing!

[subtle science]

Welocme aboard, Morgan Emerald and JENGEORGE! This is a highly addictive thread, isn't it? : )

[arithmancer]

Here's another bit from PoA...



As he glanced again at the empty seat of Professor Lupin, Snape’s mouth twisted sourly. When Lupin had not showed up at Snape’s laboratory for his dose of the Wolfsbane potion before dinner, Snape had surmised he had stayed outside late putting away his ‘exams’. His final class, the fourth years whose Defense final had been this afternoon, were done with the obstacle course Lupin had designed for them. Snape had hoped to catch him at dinner. But as more than half of the students had already left, it appeared that it would be up to Snape to track Lupin down in his office to remind him take the potion. Incredible though it might seem, the werewolf had apparently forgotten he needed the potion today, although he had been taking it all week.

Snape stood up and made his excuses to the few other teachers at the half-empty Head Table. Exam week was a busy time for all of them. And tonight, of course, Dumbledore would be out Hagrid’s with the Ministry representatives sent to dispatch that unfortunate hippogriff, Snape recalled. In a moment of black humor he reflected that while year and a drove of Dementors had not sufficed for the recapture of Sirius Black, the wheels of justice at the Ministry turned fast enough to dispatch an ill-tempered hippogriff. Of course, Lucius Malfoy had always known best how to oil those wheels, Snape mused as he strode out into the Entrance Hall. So like Lucius, to seek his revenge in whatever way came to hand after last year’s embarrassment. And so like Draco, to adopt his father’s hatreds, and provide the excuse his father needed. For all the good it would do him on that front…

With this thought, Snape approached his dungeon laboratory. Once there, he carefully ladled the steaming, silvery potion from the simmering cauldron into a waiting goblet, and considered his next move. Surely, Lupin was not still outside, with moonrise fast approaching…and tonight a full moon. No, his office seemed withal the best place to start.

Holding the goblet carefully so as not to spill the potion, Snape climbed up the stairs to Lupin’s office and knocked peremptorily on the door. He received no answer, but as the door was slightly ajar, Snape eased it open with his free hand and looked around.

Lupin had recently been in this room. Snape recognized some of the elements of the ‘obstacle courses’ which Lupin must have brought up recently, as in the afternoon they had still cluttered the lawn. It was well lit with candles, some of which had not had time to burn down much at all. The desk was mostly clear, except for neatly stacked piles of exam papers on one end, a half-empty cup of tea, and a piece of parchment in the middle of the desk.

A note, perhaps? Snape wondered. As he walked up for a better look, though, he recognized it as the mysterious parchment he had confiscated from Potter after his Hogsmeade escapade. Only now, the parchment was not spewing juvenile insults, but instead showed a map of the castle and its grounds. Snape set the goblet down on the desk and leaned over to study the map more carefully. It was open to a section that depicted the Whomping Willow and a certain passageway known to very few, himself among them.

So this was how Lupin had been helping Black hide out and get into the castle, Snape realized. Black was hiding out in the Shrieking Shack and using the secret passageway to bypass the Dementors. Were it not for the sickening ingratitude the action made manifest, Snape could almost admire Lupin’s nerve, hiding his traitor friend using the very contrivances Dumbledore had originally installed for the werewolf’s own benefit, all those years ago.

Suddenly, Snape noticed a movement on the map. A banner labeled ‘Remus Lupin’ moved into view on the parchment. It hovered briefly before the Willow depicted on the parchment, and then moved on into the passageway. Lupin must even now be on his way to conspire with the traitor Black.

Snape spun on his heel and strode quickly out of the room, his black robes billowing behind him. As he walked hurriedly out of the castle and down towards the Whomping Willow, he considered his next steps. He needed only to watch the entrance to the passageway, and then get a message back to the castle. Lupin had finally slipped up-the map he had left for Snape to see told him Lupin (and doubtless Black himself, for why else would Lupin be going there?) were both in the Shack, from which there was no exit other than the passageway. There was no way out except through me, Snape thought, and his eyes glittered strangely.

As he approached the Willow, he slowed and drew his wand. Glancing around, Snape noticed a crumpled pile of silvery-grey cloth on the ground near the entrance to the passage. He picked it up and noted its incredible lightness and near transparency…a discarded Invisibility Cloak, here? That had to mean Potter! What had he been doing here?

A visit to Hagrid, naturally, he realized in a flash of insight. Probably the werewolf had anticipated it, and told Black of the opportunity. “Lumos!” he thought to himself, and immediately his wand tip began to glow. In the light cast by his wand, Snape dropped to his knees and examined the ground around the discarded cloak. Snape was no tracker, but the swath of bent grass leading in that direction made it clear that someone had been dragged into the entrance.

Snape cursed under his breath. Well, that changed things. Guarding the exit and waiting for reinforcements was not an option. He stood, carefully shaking all of the bits of leaves and twigs off the Invisibility Cloak. He extinguished his wand and aimed it at the knot at the base of the tree. The branches immediately stopped their wild swaying, and the entrance to the passageway yawned blackly between the roots of the tree, just as he remembered it.

A flash of memory came, unbidden, of the cramped, low passageway, lit dimly by his wand…and at its end, seeming to fill the tunnel entirely, a red glint in its wild eyes and foam dripping from its gaping maw, the werewolf…Snape paled, and shook his head as if to clear it of this memory. He was an adult, he reminded himself firmly, a fully qualified wizard, and an expert in Defense Against the Dark Arts. And Lupin had been taking the Wolfsbane Potion for months now.

Anyway, Potter was already down there, so it was not as if he had any better choice. Tucking the Invisibility Cloak into his robes, Snape turned resolutely towards the entrance, and began crawling down into the passageway.

[thestralgrin]

Originally Posted by zgirnius

…Snape paled, and shook his head as if to clear it of this memory. He was an adult, he reminded himself firmly, a fully qualified wizard, and an expert in Defense Against the Dark Arts. And Lupin had been taking the Wolfsbane Potion for months now.

I liked that one, zgirnius. Definitely the unwritten side of what happened that night .

[LouisaB]

Hi and welcome. I am just glad I discovered this thread before it was too long to catch up in a day, though it still look me a complete day. Though truth to say that was actually the pre-HBP version of the thread. Lots of good stuff over there too, if you missed it Inkwolf put the link in the very first post of this thread.

[PotionStudent]

Very good job, Zgirnius!

[BookWhizzbee]

Does anybody know where I can find the first version of this Thread? The link in the first post does not work.
I know I saw it somewhere once, but unfortunately I didn't save it and searching for "Snape's Point of View" didn't bring up anything useful.

And good work, everyone!
I don't have much time for MuggleNet these days, but I regularly check this thread for new posts and it always makes my day to find a new POV.

[Vasheba]

I love it zgirnius! I'm usually dislike fan fiction (but I keep reading it, I don't know why) but I absolutly love your work! Consider me one of your biggest fans.

[thestralgrin]

Originally Posted by BookWhizzbee

Does anybody know where I can find the first version of this Thread? The link in the first post does not work.
I know I saw it somewhere once, but unfortunately I didn't save it and searching for "Snape's Point of View" didn't bring up anything useful.

I re-did the Google search (I.e with 'omitted results' included) & found it straight off: Snape's Point of View, Vers. 1

[BookWhizzbee]

Thank you very much, thestralgrin.
No idea why I couldn't find it. I'll go and save it now.

[thestralgrin]

Hopefully, I'm not too early (trying to get my brain around both Australian date/times & those on the other side of the International Date Line, such as the US) - but here is the finished Snape's PoV, Mad-Lib style, that I mentioned doing back here (Entries are now closed).

So, without further ado, here is the story - colour-coded, so you know which bit came from whom:

Of Dark Lords And Blood Lollipops

(by Moonysangel, Sinistra, Billywiggy, Potions Mistress, Serpentine, Vasheba, Inkwolf & Gothic Prince)

Another day, another Defence Against The Dark Arts class … it was already a month into the school year, yet Severus Snape still felt a little sloppy sentimentality when he woke up each morning, and then realised that it would be his dream subject that he would be teaching today … and not Potions. It took some getting used to, but he was not complaining. Finally, for the first time in his life, he felt that his life was no longer being sat.

Oh, there were Rita Skeeters in the ointment, so to speak – and Severus knew that well. When Dumbledore had briefed him on the post, he had warned him, once again; about one of them; the curse that the Dark Lord had put on the position. Severus was sure, though, that he could easily find a way to sting that. He was not going to let a mere spell stand in the way of the dreams that were finally within his reach … regardless of who it was that had cast it.

Happily towering out of his bed, Severus shaved, washed his face and attended to other necessities, before throwing on his robes to face the day. Breakfast at the Great Hall felt more than sparkly for him lately, due to his current good humour. True, scowling for the Order – on top of his teaching – was becoming more of a strain lately. He also tried not to think too much about the fact that Dumbledore was probably bouncing from that blasted cursed ring he destroyed … or that Unbreakable Bludger hanging over him, that he’d made with Narcissa for Draco’s sake. He was sure he could find a way around those things as well.

Severus was determined to let nothing - not even Potter (or Longbottom), petrify this almost-perfect year …

Striding into the classroom, he soon commanded the attention of his class as he began a demonstration on the right way to blow up Kelpies. Later, he would have the students break up into groups, to practice doing that themselves. If they, by some miracle, had somehow managed to improve on the pimply performance of last week, he might even have time at the end for a preliminary talk on tunnelling lethifolds. One could only hope.

It happened just after the class was half-way through, while he was showing one of the Hufflepuffs how to scoop Weasley Wizard Wheezes properly. He couldn’t mistake the gurgling and churning (or churning and gurgling....) feeling on the inner side of his left forearm. Blast-ended Skrewts!, he angrily thought to himself, What does that Blasted Dark Lord want from me Now?!!

Discreetly pulling down the sleeve of his robe, in case any students saw the tap-dancing Dark Mark, Severus gruffly excused himself for a moment, ordering the class to get out their textbooks, and study how to grow werewolves. He then went outside, to find a place where he could safely answer the Dark Lord’s latest summons.

He headed briskly off to his office, so that he could floo back home - from where he could then Apparate to Voldemort (much quicker, he found, than jogging to the edge of the schoolgrounds; it was far more discreet - and dignified as well). Unfortunately, it seemed, Ernie Macmillan had other ideas about how to spend his remaining class time. “Oh for crying out loud?!” Severus hissed, when he noticed the student trying to sneak out of class behind his back. “ My pet cat Mr. Tibbles is really an illegal Animagus criminal on the run from the Ministry,” Ernie Macmillan lamely said, though he was obviously not telling the truth … and Severus did not need to be a Legilimens to detect that.

Not wishing to waste any more time – for the Dark Lord was already growing impatient, from the way he could feel the Mark painfully expectorate, Severus whirled around to face the student. “This matter is no concern of your’s!” he snapped, making Ernie Macmillan run. “Five points from Hufflepuff, now get back to class … before I decide to give you detention meditating bedpans as well!!”

Fortunately, the boy seemed to have the sense to listen … for once. As he screamed back to the classroom, Severus – realising that he did not have time to answer the summons soon enough to avoid the Cruciatus, decided to risk making a long-distance reply. Ducking behind a column for privacy, he quickly cast a Muffliatus spell, pulled back his sleeve, and then touched his wand – lightly – to the snake’s head on his Mark (which, by now, was burning such a vivid turquoise, that it was a wonder that his robes had not ignited …)

The tongue on the tattoo’s snake’s head flickered, and he held his Mark up to his ear. “What is it that you wish, My Lord?” he asked, trying not to sound exasperated. “You are late again!” trilled Voldemort’s voice through the Dark Mark’s skull-sockets. “I sometimes wonder if you, my worthless servant, are even fit to wash because of your tardiness!” “Yes, My Lord”. Severus answered, keeping his tone of voice suitably contrite. “Be not surprised, Severus, if I should decide to subject you to an educational Tarantallegra, next time that we meet,” Voldemort continued, “But for the moment, I have a more pressing need for you to attend to”.

“My Lord?” He asked.

“Bellatrix has proven to be a less than adequate replacement for the House Elves that were Snowboarded at the last meeting,” Voldemort said. “I want you to send 847 puzzle-boxes of Blood Lollipops directly to me today, and I expect them to arrive in time for my supper!” At that, Severus heard his Dark Mark magically click, as the Dark Lord hung up. The Mark promptly stopped tapping, and he wearily pulled down his sleeve, and then flopped his back against the pillar.

For the umpteenth time, he wondered what it was that had possessed him to go into the service of that megalomaniac slack-jaw in the first place … and where in Heaven’s Name was he going to find 847 puzzle-boxes of Blood Lollipops before the end of the day? He’ll have to send another note to Dumbledore …

He wished that Potter would try just a little harder to work on his nonverbal spells. The way that boy was going; he had as much chance of vanquishing Voldemort, as a Pony had of dressing.

“Are you alright, Severus?” he heard a kindly voice say. “Yes I am, Headmaster,” he replied, straightening himself to a more proper posture; “I received another summons during a class, just now. Fortunately, I was able to determine what his wishes were from here”. “That is fortunate indeed,” Dumbledore replied, “And what was it that he wanted from you today?”

“Blood Lollipops,” Severus answered, sourly, 847 puzzle-boxes of them”.

“Oh?” Said Dumbledore, quizzically raising one eyebrow, “Well, I suppose I had better let the kitchens know about it … and if we’re running short on anything I’ll ask Madam Rosmerta,” he said, “No use letting you be Crucio’ed over mere Blood Lollipops, now”.

“Headmaster,” Snape said, “We cannot keep on doing this every time the Dark Lord decides that he is feeling peckish. I also have serious doubts about Potter’s ability to …” “Nonsense, Severus!” Dumbledore cheerfully interrupted, “Have faith in Harry, the boy has been progressing far better than my boldest expectations”.

“I only hope that I may one day be able to share your optimism for the future, sir”. Severus replied, his tone of voice now resigned.

Dumbledore suddenly took one of Severus’s hands, and gingerly placed a canary cream in it, wincing at the pain of moving his curse-blackened fingers. “We will worry about that when … and if, maybe, that time arrives,” he said.

-END-

& here are the individual versions of the story:
Billywiggy, Gothic Prince, Inkwolf, Moonysangel, Sinistra, Potions Mistress, Vasheeba, & Serpentine.

[Sinistra]

Gee, I finally got credit for helping (?) write one of these!! Thanks thestral for the opportunity, as this is the only way I can do one of these. Fiction just isn't my forte.

And thanks also for the great link to V1 of the thread. I'm re-reading it, just for fun. Almost as good as reading it the first time.

As one of the legions of lurkers, who read but are not talented in being able to write this stuff, I want to say thank you to all who contribute and make wonderful ficlets for all of us to enjoy! We also appreciate who only lurk and read (to paraphrase a phrase).

[Hermione Snape]

Zirgirnius Anyway, Potter was already down there, so it was not as if he had any better choice. Tucking the Invisibility Cloak into his robes, Snape turned resolutely towards the entrance, and began crawling down into the passageway.

I really liked that Z. Among one of your fans count me in!

Voldemort said. “I want you to send 847 puzzle-boxes of Blood Lollipops directly to me today, and I expect them to arrive in time for my supper!”

I absolutely cracked up over this line!

You will probably get the next installment tomorrow, as I am not feeling to good at the moment so it's touch and go, I hope so.

Also where is the next installment of Celebration? And Billywiggy (I think it was you!) when are we going to get a follow up to your PoV with Lily and Snape in the Library?

Sinistra you can write a PoV we're a friendly bunch!

[gothic_prince]

thestralgrin, that was fun.

I, too, lurk but don't write. Thanks to those more creative than me. This thread is a pleasure.

[Serpentine]

thestralgrin, that was great! I almost fell off my chair laughing. 847 puzzle-boxes of Blood Lollipops... Thanks for writing this MadLib, and letting us take part (first time ever for me, until this one I didn't even know about MadLibs).

zgirnius, that was very well-written. I really like how much in character you portrayed Snape, and your care for detail throughout. Well done!

To those who asked about TBA's "Celebrations"... well, I'm not she, but I rather got the feeling that her fifth installment with the end of the Voldemort conversation and Snape's dragon fireworks was the last part of her story:

Originally Posted by The Black Adder

Okay, sorry I took so long to post this last chapter. I’ve been doing some tweaking on it.

Celebration
Chapter 5

<...snip...>

However, I've been doing some tweaking on one of my own Snape POVs for the past couple of days... been doubting too whether or not I should post it here. The MadLib was a good indirect encouragement though to post it after all. Thanks again thestralgrin!

Oh well, here it is... be warned, it's pretty long. Plus, unlike my usual non-shipping pieces it contains allusions to a previous (almost) Snape/Lily ship. Let the tomatoes fly.



Snape's Point of View: Moment of Truth
--------------------

"Stop pecking me, you stupid owl! Okay, okay, I'm paying..." I dig in the depths of my purse and manage to find the last couple of coins in one of its corners. "There you go", I snarl at the delivery owl, putting five knuts into the pouch on its leg, "and now leave me alone, will you?" The bird pecks at me for a last time, then takes off through the window and leaves me to my frugal breakfast and my Daily Prophet.

The remaining money won't last long, I realize. The pay for my last essay for "Potions Monthly" hasn't arrived yet... and they haven't deigned to reply to my application for a permanent position either, knowing full well that I need the job. If things go on like that, I fear I'll have to go back on my subscription, or - Merlin forbid - start selling my books.

Narcissa has been insisting that I finally accept the cheque Lucius has offered me, but my pride won't allow it. It's bad enough that he's still pulling all kinds of strings for me in the Ministry and the school board, even though I told him it was a wasted effort. After that blasted prophecy I happened to overhear last Halloween, I sincerely doubt that Dumbledore would even allow me to scrub the Hogwarts corridors.

Well, he does have a point... because ever since then the Dark Lord has been hunting down people on the mere basis of their birthdate. As far as I've gathered, the only wizards born anywhere near the end of July who have so far managed to escape the Dark Lord seem to be two experienced Aurors by the name of Longbottom, another called Moody and an Auror in training, the infamous James Potter. (Yes, the very one who ruined my career aspirations and personal dreams - but to whom ironically I owe my life, just because a werewolf and a would-be murderer had to be protected of punishment.) Agreed, as Aurors they all should be well-matched to deal with anything the Dark Lord could send their way, especially with Crouch Sr.'s recent permission to use Unforgivables. And yet... if I had known beforehand how the Dark Lord would act upon that infernal prophecy, I'd rather have Obliviated myself before uttering a word to him.

I vigorously shake my head, take a sip of my black - or rather pale grey - coffee and leaf through the Prophet. I have only a brief glance to spare for the news on the latest Death-Eater attacks (one overblown and with the place name spelled wrong, another downplayed and a third with the facts distorted) and the latest Quidditch results. It's the page with the job offers I'm looking for; the Prophet itself, for instance, could definitely use a proofreader. If I'm really lucky St Mungo's might even be searching a junior Healer, and not mind too much a belated Defence NEWT due to a failed practical OWL… or maybe not, that would be pushing my luck.

Suddenly I'm stopped by the sight of a familiar name. Way too familiar. I leaf back to the section "Births and Deaths" - the second part has become overlong lately, but it's the first that has caught my attention. Indeed, there it is:

"Lily and James Potter are proud to announce the birth of a baby boy, Harry James Potter. He was born on July 31st, 1980, and weighed 7 lb., 8 oz."

I stare at the note, unable to believe it - for a possibility has dawned on me that is even worse than what has happened so far. Born on July 31st, to the Potters who have so far managed to fend off three Death-Eater attacks. "Born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies..." In spite of the Dark Lord's recent killings based on birthdates, for some reason it has never occurred to me that these lines could be referring to a baby.

Lily's to boot. Lily, who back in NEWT Potions class had ended up sharing my textbook and become something like a friend to me. Lily, who in the precious hours we spent together researching in the library showed not only a real interest in the thousand-faced field of Defence or the exact art and subtle science of Potions, but also in myself as a person... and, I had secretly hoped, as a man too. Until she made her preference of Potter, of all people, plain and married him. Yet it's impossible to hate her for it - for she has never pretended any feelings that weren't there, simply because I never let her know about mine.

And it's equally impossible to let her and her baby be killed. If Regulus's suspicion was right that the Dark Lord had a hand in the disappearances of children of some muggle orphanage - and his death soon after would seem to imply that he was on the right track -, there's no doubt that he will go after a baby too as soon as he hears about this birthdate. And someone will tell him, I'm not the only one who reads the Prophet.

This means going against the Dark Lord... and Regulus is proof enough that a traitor can't expect charity. Occlumency has served me to keep Bellatrix out of my mind, but the Dark Lord himself is another matter. An owl or a Floo call are out of question, they're easily intercepted. I briefly weigh my options, and finally settle for a medium so muggle that the Dark Lord will hardly be tapping it.

The ringing tone keeps hooting for quite some time, but at last the receiver is picked up. The answering voice is Lily's; her husband must be at work, that's good.

"Good morning, Lily", I say quietly. "It is I, Severus."

"Severus! What a nice surprise! I didn't think I'd hear your voice again." She sounds genuinely glad - well, she doesn't know yet what's in store for her. "So you haven't dropped off the face of the earth after all? How are you?"

"Firstly, not yet." I allow myself a tight-lipped smile. "Secondly, that should have been my question. If today's Prophet is right for once, I believe congratulations are in order."

"Why, thank you, Severus!" You can almost hear the beaming smile. "Harry is such an adorable little baby, I can't believe it. He looks almost like James, but his eyes are mine." She stifles a yawn, then the smile in her voice is back, if a bit apologetic. "Sorry, I'm still a bit tired. He's kept me up half the night, but now he's fast asleep. "

She sounds so happy... Merlin, this is going to be harder than I thought. I pour the remaining dishwater coffee down my parched throat, not that it helps much. "Lily, I'm not calling just to congratulate. I'm also calling to warn you. Your baby is in danger."

She sounds perplexed, asks for explanations, but I cut her short. "For the same reasons as your husband has been lately, and more. You'd best go into hiding, all of you."

She isn't that easily dismissed though. "You mean that You-Know-Who is after my baby, don't you? Why? Harry has never done anything to him!" The smile has left her voice, and has been replaced by something feral I'd rather not contemplate. "Why my baby?"

What does she expect me to tell her? Dear Lily, the Dark Lord is on a killing spree and it's all my fault. "It has something to do with the birthdate", I reply, not bothering to keep the irritation out of my voice - irritation at her, at him, at myself, I don't know. "The Dark Lord has deluded himself into believing that only someone born around the end of July can bring him down, so he's now rooting out any possible threats to himself. And I'm afraid he doesn't make exceptions for children."

There's a momentary silence at the other end of the line. "Severus", doubtful now, "how do you know all that? And why are you telling me?" She pauses for a moment, then continues slowly: "I'm getting the impression that you are somehow, um, in touch with You-Know-Who" (a nice euphemism for being a member of a killer gang, I think), "but now you feel that you got in too deep. Am I anywhere near the mark?"

Hit and sunk. "Have you ever been told that you're far too smart for your own good?" I mutter under my breath.

"Yes, by you." The retort is softened by her concern. "But if you want to get out... Sirius has told me that his brother Regulus too wanted out, and Regulus is dead. If that's true, you're putting yourself in danger as well. Why don’t you contact Professor Dumbledore? He has founded an Order to fight You-Know Who and would be in a position to help you."

I have heard rumours of that secret organization he's running, but am not convinced that the old Gryffindor Headmaster would be willing to see my side of the story. "I don't think that he'd even listen to me, Lily."

"Why not?" she inquires. "If you were talking about James I could see where you’re coming from, though I assure you that he really has changed." (Of course, I think. It happens all the time that the biggest bully on the playground suddenly turns into a noble Prince Charming... about as likely as Bellatrix losing her taste for torture.) "But I don't really see your point with Dumbledore."

"There is a different kind of history between him and me." Such as the werewolf incident a few years ago where he made me swear to keep Lupin's secret after I was almost killed - and worse still, that infernal prophecy I relayed to the Dark Lord. Especially this latter piece of sheer idiocy, for all its consequences. "I am afraid there are ... things ... that cannot be expected to be forgiven." If I were in his place I wouldn't forgive that to me either.

"Maybe you're underestimating his ability to forgive and give second chances," she says quietly. "If you really want to get out alive, he's the best help you can get." Or maybe she is overestimating her own ability to forgive, I think - she wouldn't be suggesting this to me if she knew of me what Dumbledore knows.

"This matter is too complicated to discuss on the phone, Lily," I sigh. "But yes, I would appreciate some help. You remember the books on mental skills we found in the Restricted section, and our practice sessions? I got hold of a copy since, but I guess some more advanced Occlumency training might come in handy."

"Then why don't you come over directly?" she suggests. "James won't be back before six o'clock. My sister is visiting with her baby, but I can ask her to stay upstairs with the children." And, as an afterthought: "By the way, Dumbledore is a superb Legilimens, far better than I've ever become in our training sessions. I bet he'd gladly teach you the advanced Occlumency you need. He doesn't spend summer holidays at Hogwarts, but I could give you his private address when you come over."

Unless he hands me straight to the Dementors as soon as I show up on his doorstep, I think bitterly. However, in view of the Dark Lord's skill in Legilimency it's an idea that deserves to be kept in mind. And it's interesting that she has never asked me how, or how much, I "got in too deep". How do I deserve her friendship, after all this mess?

Well, soon we'll see... as soon as she hears all of it. "Very well," I say, straightening up. "I will be arriving in half an hour." And, very softly: "Thank you, Lily."

"Thank you, Severus," she replies, and the smile is back at last. "From all of us I think. After all it was you who called."

-------------------

[PotionStudent]

very good, Serpentine - I had imagined Snape more... emotional when realizing Lily's son was targeted, but you made it also believable. Smart to use the phone!

[Serpentine]

Thanks for the kind comment, PotionStudent. As for his not being more emotional than he is at that point (you mean showing more emotions?): the way I see it, he's still able to control himself because he's not admitted it to anyone but himself yet... he's still struggling with the admission, though by his decision to visit Lily and tell her more he's slowly coming around to it.

I don't know about you, but I find it hard to see his realization, admission and emotional breakdown as taking place instantly... I see it more as a gradual process. We do know that he showed an incredible regret to Dumbledore when he told him his story, which in my view was because both he and Dumbledore knew about his own role in the delivery of the prophecy... there was no way but to tell him the entire story. And actually speaking the words would be the point where the full impact of his guilt would hit him, and show outwardly as well.

(I'll admit that it works similarly for me at least. Once I had just been rebuked by someone I'd fallen in love with, and I'd just sit on my chair like frozen, feeling kind of emotionally numbed for the moment while reasonably accepting his offer of "friendship only". On my entire way home I managed to outwardly stay perfectly calm (just so though). I must have been on left-brain autopilot to do what was necessary, and I guess that by rationalizing it I somehow managed to keep myself from fully realizing it: "well, he has a right to say no, this is a free country after all, I can't force him, it's his choice, besides it's not exactly reasonable to blame him for not feeling the same as I at the same time, it's amazing that no-one's ever made statistics of such failed relationships when the world must be full of them"... It was only when I was telling my best friend in a letter, writing down the "words of judgement", that the right-brain part kicked back in and the entire weight of it all came crushing down on me.)

EDIT: Um, and yes - I did like the idea of a phone-call, both to show a muggle side of him and to link to the conversation Petunia is going to overhear. Maybe a bit too much to make sense after all... heh.

(Yes, I mean "that awful boy telling Lily about Dementors" she mentioned in OotP. I just can't see her having overheard such a thing without having been close to Lily, no matter how much she claims to dislike her and the wizarding world. Heck, she even had correspondence with Dumbledore - "Remember my last" - Vernon and Harry knew nothing about.)

[random_musing]

I enjoyed that Serpentine