A Gift For A Hag - Parts 2 & 3

[galleon]

This one is so much fun to write and I couldn't let it go.

Disclaimer: I do not own, nor did I create, nor do I seek to profit from the characters or the Harry Potter books. This is just for fun and entertainment in the summer, much to Severus Snape's displeasure...

I just received an owl from Professor Severus Snape who is very displeased that I make light of his grab bag gifts to Vector. He informed me that since I am so amused, it would be his pleasure to forward a box of cockroach clusters to me. He claims he is well aware that hags are delighted with them and view them as a delicacy. I, of course, declined. What would the neighbors say if they saw his screech owl Charon, soaring above the roof of my house? Wizarding folk that live amongst us in this muggle community would laugh me out of town. I mean, come on! Now if it were a present from Gilderoy Lockhart on the other hand...

I offered to pay for them myself and use my own owl. But, alas, since I am still not profiting from ridiculing his taste in gift selections, I have no galleons to pay for them.




http://www.cosforums.com/showthread.php?t=93776
Feedback is always greatly apprecitated. Just click above. Thank you, Galleon.

[galleon]

OK, I have to get this one going. Just owl me if you think I should be carted off to St. Mungo's in a straight jacket.



PART 1 - DREAM A LITTLE DREAM OF ME

I entered my bedroom wearing a white night gown and was preparing for bed. I took my hair out of its bun and shook my black hair loose. I turned down my covers and nestled into bed.

I was only a sleep for an hour or two when it started yet again...

( THE DREAM SEQUENCE )

There was a smoky, hazy room. In it, sat a vampire in a tuxedo. He played a haunting, yet catchy tune on a rather old organ.

In my dream, I wore a red silk ball gown. Sanguini (ironically, Snape knew him personally, yet accused ME of being the vampire) was wheeling me down a long dark, candlelit corridor in same sort of throne-like chair.

We entered into an old operahouse at least from the era of King George. Ghosts of some of the most famous actors and actresses ever to step foot on the boards of the London stage sat in the balconies.

Also, in the balconies sat that ghastly girl that posed as the fan-fic writer, Galleon. She sat with a a pair of opera glasses and watched my procession to the stage. All eyes travelled to me as I was assisted by two hags ( I myself was not one of them) who took me by both of my arms and led me to the stage.

A purple velvet curtain opened and there I was in the center.

An orchestra of ghosts commenced playing and the show began....

A chorus line of red blood lollipops with fangs and sinister black capes, entered from stage left, and circled around me. They were dancing and...I have to admit they were quite good. Never placed a stick out of step. I tried to break from their circle but I could not.

All of a sudden, from stage right, cockroach clusters in top hats, tails, and bowties started to tap dance on stage as well. They twirled their canes and high-kicked in unison.

In the first row and at center stage sat Professor Snape. His black eyes glittering triumphantly. He was staring at me and trying not to smile as he stifled an evil laugh....


"NO! NO! NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!" I was tossing and turning and tearing at my sheets.

It was then that I woke up. I sat up, trying to catch my breath, the sweat beading on my brow.

In two weeks time, another Hogwarts staff gift bag exchange would commence.

[galleon]

PART 2 - GREETINGS AND SALUTATIONS

Professor Snape entered the staffroom slowly and with caution. There was a meeting to go over the details of the next holiday staff grab bag that was in less than two weeks. Only a few professors sitting quietly looked up and said "Good Afternoon" as he entered. The last get together for a grab bag at Valentine's Day was unendurable.

********************************

(FLASHBACK)

Vector was asked about the gift she had received for the Valentine's Day staff gift bag. According to Vector, no one on the staff believed she had received bluebells. She had shown them to the staff as proof that her claim was true. The staff had been sure that she had really received the blood lollipops again.

"No," thought Snape. "That was the next day.

It was only when Professor Snape entered the staff room and was greeted to a round of applause and a standing ovation that he realized that word had gotten out. Usually, one just presented their designated staff member with a gift privately.

He did not appreciate the whistles and cat-calls from Sprout and Flitwick. Hagrid had inappropriately shouted out "Whoooooooooh! Yeh, Snape!" much to Snape's consternation. He also saw the Headmaster smile after moving his lips --- however, he wasn't quite sure.


**********************************

Severus hoped this new grab bag meeting would be short. He had better things to do with his time.

[galleon]

PART 3 - RULES AND REGULATIONS

Professor Snape was seated in the staff room, waiting patiently for this ridiculous December meeting to be done with already. A few more professors entered and seated themselves as far away from him as possible. Few wished to incur his wrath. Just in case he pulled their name from the Sorting Hat this evening.

It was then that Professor Septima Vector entered. She rushed in, fearing she was late. Her wooly cape floating about her, and her hands and cheeks were pink and cold. She had been returning from London on a cold December morning.

"Astonishing," said Snape," ...that the second sighting of the yeti in Scotland should take place in the Hogwarts staff room of all places."

Several professors, upon hearing this looked over at him in disbelief. Professor Vector eyed him in annoyance and took the only available seat next to her friend Aurora Sinistra. Unfortunatley, he was on her other side.

"Merlin's beard, Septima," said Professor Sinistra, ignoring Snape's remark. The utter fool was in fact, not fooling anyone. She had her suspicions but so far they had been entirely unfounded. "How do you find the time?"

Gringotts had owled Septima at 5:00 a.m. to come in and offer advice on a new venture they were undertaking. Although she was an Arithmancy professor at Hogwarts, she served as a free-lance consultant for her former employers from time to time.

"You would be quite amazed, Sinistra. Professor Vector is also a mascot in her spare time....for the Weird Sisters," said Snape smoothly.

Aurora and Septima looked at him in shock.

"I don't remember anyone addressing you, Snape," said Septima Vector.

"Professor," said Aurora, "nobody finds this amusing."

"Well, said Vector, "You think you are hilarious, I guess, Severus." She then turned to Aurora.

"Don't worry, Aurora. I am quite encouraged. Who would have guessed inferi had senses of humor."

There were several nervous stares and stifled laughs. Professor Snape scowled and went back to his new potions book he was reading.

It was then that Professor Dumbledore arrived.

[galleon]

PART 4 - A WORD OF CAUTION

Dumbledore arrived in a swirl of robes and greeted the staff.

"Good Morning to all. Please, remain seated. We've very little time before our day begins."

"I would like to welcome you all to our staff holiday grab bag initiative for the Christmas holidays."

"In February, we experienced another successful grab bag---for the most part. However, If you will permit me---just a few reminders."

"There is a very thin line between taste and tasteless. Use your better judgement and refrain from crossing it."

Everyone in the staff room except Dumbledore looked over at Snape. He ignored the stares.

"No gift should make a mockery of a staff member. If the gift recepient does not laugh with you, or in the worst case scenario, cries and does not leave their quarters for several days----I believe one has gone too far."

"Objectifying a fellow staff member as a Ministry classified XXXX or XXXXX dangerous magical creature is not, er, polite."

Several eyes glanced at Snape again...

"Please come to my office to participate in the Sorting Hat gift bag selections by 7:00 this evening," said Dumbledore pleasantly.

"And, remember...when entertaining gift ideas, exercise prudence...and for some of us, self-control."

"Enjoy your day!"



Note: Dangerous beast classifications from "Fantastic Beasts..." - (Percy Weasley assured me it was Ministry approved.)

[galleon]

PART 5 - THE FLOWER GIRL

The meeting was adjourned and Professor Snape went down to the dungeons.

"This grab bag was somewhat tolerable," he thought as he pondered what happened in February after Pansy had given Vector the bluebells and he had returned to the staff party.

"Certainly not like what ensued after the blasted cheers from last time."

**************************************************

(FLASHBACK)

Snape sat down and ignored the laughs from the well-wishers who had mistaken the flowers that he had given to Vector for the grab bag as a declaration of his love for her. The thought made him throughly ill. They had made quite a stretch....well, in his case, a great leap of faith.

Hagrid yelled out," Blimey, Professor Snape, I woulda never thought ya' would." And the female teachers were considerably worse. The gushed and exclaimed, "Awwwww! Severus, that was so nice. Bluebells are so lovely, and they are her favorite."

It was all too much for Professor Snape. Not that he would let on, however...

Professor Snape was mortified and gritted his teeth. Dumbledore was positively beaming at him and it was frightening to see the twinkle in his eyes.

Of course, the old man was enjoying this display.

He looked around and snarled.

"That is quite enough now. Professor McGonagall you will not be smiling when we take the House Cup again this year. Really, I would expect this sort of behavior from the students..."

"Professor Snape," gushed McGonagall, "bluebells are indeed Professor Vector's favorite, how did you find that out? Such a lovely gesture..."

Snape looked visibly pale. "It was my obligation to fulfill my duties in regard to the staff grab bag which, as you all know, is mandatory.

"Thank, Merlin, Vector was not here," thought Snape. "She would be reveling in this nonsense."

Snape snapped his book shut and left. He would not be staying for this.

He had Pansy deliver the flowers to Vector already, but usually the staff socialized a bit after they had exchanged all of the gifts. He, however, had had quite enough!

He also felt firewhiskey should be restricted furthermore from all staff parties. He would see to this in the future.

[galleon]

PART 6 - STRANGERS IN THE NIGHT

Septima sat up in bed. She threw back the covers and jumped up to retrieve her dressing gown. She hurriedly put it over her white night gown.

Septima had been having a wonderful dream and resented the intrusion. However, the knocking at her door would not subside; if anything it grew louder. Septima hoped it was not an emergency. It was 3:00 a.m.

She raced over to the door and pulled it open. Luckily, she stepped back. Professor Snape walked right in.

"I don't remember asking you to come in. What ever is the matter?" She looked at Snape.

"Hogwarts business," snapped Snape.

He drew his wand and slowly strode about the room. He stopped and stared at a pile of her clothes on a chair and lifted a piece of clothing with his wand tip.

"What are you doing?" asked Professor Vector in surprise.

"Are you daft, Vector? I believe I had just informed you."

He moved over to her bed and took in the rumpled pillows and bed sheets.

"Just as well, it could always be a cover," stated Snape.

"Cover? What? Bed cover? Are you working with the house elves in the laundry now? I know professors do not earn the highest salaries, but really, Snape..."

"Amusing, Vector," he smirked and glided over to a closet. He yanked open a door and stood back.

"Really, Vector. A stuffed hippogriff doll and the complete works of Gilderoy Lockart," he tutted. "However, I am not surprised," Snape replied silkily.

"I think that will be all....though you could have transfigured it."

"Transfigured what?" Professor Vector shouted in exasperation.

"The coffin that you apparently sleep in at night," said Snape.

"You bloody moron! You really need to find something better to do besides going through other people's drawers and deducting House points with zeal," spat Septima.

Professor Snape stared at her and did not answer.

"Are you listening to me?" asked Septima, pulling her dressing gown tighly around her.

Snape sneered and exited the door. "I will see you at breakfast, Vector. I will be examining your juice goblet."

[galleon]

PART 7 - A CUP OF CHEER

Septima Vector noted Professor McGonagall's frown as they walked out of the doors of the Great Hall and onto the Quidditch pitch. Gryffindor and Slytherin were playing as they spoke.

"Is there anything wrong, Professor?," asked Septima with concern.

"Well, nothing serious," but she looked concerned.

Septima had noticed that while she waited for Professor McGonagall to don her cloak and hat, Snape had walked past her office door at least twice.

"Spinnett was injured at practice yesterday and Johnson isn't feeling well, but she has decided she will play. Severus Snape seems to want me to know that he is aware of this, " said McGonagall in a huff.

Septima knew how obsessed he was with the cup. "If we only took as many points from his House as he took from everyone elses, it wouldn't be so close. Slytherin was up 50 points ahead of Gryffindor at the second half and they were returning from their offices to grab their cloaks because the weather had gotten chilly half way into the game.

They made it back to the pitch and walked up the steps to the grandstand tower where the teachers sat. Snape was sitting near Mr. Malfoy, wearing a slightly twisted smirk on his face.

McGonagall sat next to Snape and Septima to her left.

"I see we have returned, Professor," said Snape to McGonagall with a wry smile.

"That remains to be seen," said Minerva.

"Vector," said Snape as he glared at her.

Septima nodded and silently cursed the fates that he was ever made her mentor.

Professor Snape turned to Mr. Malfoy and informed him that he had just the right spot for the cup in the Slytherin common room.

A vein throbbed in McGonagall's cheek.

Angelina Johnson was nearly catapulted off her broom after dodging a bludger shot by a Slytherin beater.

"Really, the need to resort to such tactics..." snapped McGonagall.

"Such is the game, Professor," said Snape lazily.

Minerva informed Septima quite loudly. "Such is detention, however, half his house has hardly been there thanks to him."

Septima stifled a laugh and Snape looked over slowly and scowled.

It was then that Johnson scored a second time.

The crowd cheered.

Slytherin was thwarted and Bell and Johnson scored again within minutes.

"Severus, do you know that bluebells are rare in certain parts of the world?" said Minerva.

Snape ignored her.

"Mr.Malfoy, did you manage to hear about Professor Snape's kind contribution to the staff grab bag?" said McGonagall while watching the game carefully.

Lucius raised a dubious eyebrow and both him and Snape turned back to the game.

A minute later, Harry Potter had caught the snitch and the game was over.

The stands erupted, especially where the Gryffindors sat.

Professor McGonagall walked onto the pitch with her house and was handed a cup that had sprouted blue flowers that overflowed from the rim.

"I know just the place in my office," said McGonagall."

[galleon]

PART 8 - SPECIAL DELIVERY

"Vector."

"Yes."

"Are you watching the cauldron?" asked Professor Snape.

"Yes."

"I have not noticed you look in that direction for quite some time. If it is ruined, you will brew another one."

"It doesn't mean I am not paying attention. Once it is ready I will be leaving."

She made herself very clear. He had been known to spoil things in the past -- on purpose, of course, merely to vex her.

It was the very same. Every time she was scheduled to work with him. Potions were always, outside of classes, needed to be brewed for hundreds of students that came down with any number of ailments. True, Sprout grew the herbal ingredients and Pomfrey administered them, but someone had to brew them. And since Snape was her mentor not a short time ago she had assisted him. Dumbledore saw no reason for certain duties not to continue. She did get paid extra, not that it was important, and she helped children when they were ailing, but still...

Why, why hadn't she feigned ignorance? She was hired to be an arithmancer anyway... she mused.

It was then that she noticed that Charon swept into the room. She was not sure if owls could sneer but with Snape's owl it looked close enough.

Charon carried a tiny box that he dropped on Snape's desk.

"Vector, go into the drawer and pay him. He needs to settle my accounts with the Diagon Alley owl post," said Snape.

"All right," said Septima. She walked over to his desk and counted out some sickles and knuts.

As she approached where the owl was sneering, she noticed the green velvet bag with the Slytherin crest on its leg.

"Really, the house pride thing was getting out of hand. Nothing wrong with a little healthy competition but this was ridiculous...It was smart, though. Once someone realized who the owl was the property of she was sure commerce ran VERY smoothly."

She opened the velvet pouch and jumped back.

Lying within the pouch were bulbs of garlic. The smell was overpowering.

"What is in your owls' pouch?" cried Septima holding her nose.

"Garlic. A precautionary measure due to the fact Charon knew you would be here during the delivery. He is a smart owl. Very quick on the uptake, Vector," said Snape silkily.

"You bloody fool! Is this your idea of a joke?" shouted Vector.

"Life or death, I would imagine," replied Snape. "I am concerned with the well-being of my owl."

Professor Vector dropped the coins in the owls' purse and waved him away.

She turned to glare at Snape, her face white with fury. He was looking down at several rolls of parchment on his desk.

Why had she bought him that gift for the grab bag? He didn't deserve it.

[galleon]

PART 9 - A PAIN IN THE NECK

Professor Vector walked down to the dungeons. There were some draughts she had to store in vials and label before she could return to her rooms----and rest. The past few days had been busy and tiring indeed.

As she neared the door to the office, she noticed Charon, Snape's owl, swoop past her in the opposite direction. He was most likely en route to the owlery. She noticed the pouch tied to his leg; on the other leg, bouncing about on a string was a rather large bulb of garlic.

She ignored the owl and entered Snape's office.

They both nodded at each other simultaneously and she headed for the cauldron. She wished to complete her work quickly so she could leave the lair of doom, er, Snape's office.

When she reached the cauldron she was about ready to scoop the contents when she halted. She raised an eyebrow and put down the ladle she had conjured to the side. She slowly turned around to face Snape.

"Snape. We are in fact indoors. Why are you wearing a woolen scarf?"

Professor Snape, she couldn't help but notice, had a thick black scarf wrapped around his neck, three times from the looks of it. Usually, the scarf was reserved for particularly chilly days outdoors. She had seen him wear it at a few Quidditch games.

"Vector, you will not accept blood lollipops and all of the students in this school are accounted for. Vampires must gain sustenance somehow." Professor Snape slowly patted the part of his neck where the jugular vein was located under a bulky piece of scarf.

"Let me assure you, Snape, that were I a vampire I would rather expire than sink my fangs into your neck. If I had fangs, which I do not. Today I can not help but stare at your neck because you look like you are about to partake in the muggle sport of skiing. Oh, and might I add, you look fairly ridiculous." said a red-faced Professor Vector.

"Also, why is your owl flying around with garlic strapped to his leg? What is the meaning of this?" she asked through her teeth.

Snape slowly answered her. "Do you think I would refrain from safeguarding my owl from harm, Vector?"

"Actually, try saving yourself first. Honestly Snape," she rolled her eyes at him. "And you are right. You are not safe and neither is your owl as I am presently in your office. I guess I should go and, er, drink some blood. Unfortunately, that means you can prepare the vials yourself. As for me...it's feeding time," Vector pointed out sarcastically.

Vector turned on her heel and headed for her rooms. Snape smirking, walked over to his cauldron.

[galleon]

The end of part 2 is nearly finished.

2 posts or so and I think this will be wrapped up.

Thanks to all!

Making Snape miserable wouldn't be nearly as fun without you!

Thank you,

Galleon

[galleon]

PART 10 - AN EXCHANGE

"How do I look?"

"Lovely," said Aurora Sinistra.

"Thank you," Septima smiled shyly.

"I can't believe him. The Leaky Cauldron...really?"

"Yes," replied Septima. "I guess some concessions were made after what he has put me through."

"Septima."

"Yes."

"Nothing" replied Aurora coyly.

Septima grabbed a package, waved to her friend, and headed for the door.

**********************************

The Leaky Cauldron was smoky and filled to the brim with all types of persons. Septima excused herself amongst the many robes as she travelled to the tables in the back of the establishment. Through a sea of robes she looked around and started walking over to a table.

"Hello, Severus." she said brightly.

"Good Evening, Vector," said Snape lazily.

Septima sat down as he waved his hand and pointed to a chair across from him.

"I would like to thank you for inviting me to dinner, Severus." said Septima warmly.

Snape nodded.

"I would like to give you your gift for the grab bag," Septima eagerly pulled a gift from her inside robe pocket.

"I have yours as well." Snape slowly pulled out a parcel and placed it in front of her.

"You may as well open yours, Vector. I myself would prefer to open mine later." said Snape.

"All right, Severus," said Septima teasingly.

Professor Vector tore at the green and silver wrapping paper and looked down at a book.

She slowly raised her head and shot Snape a deadly look.

"You lousy wretch..."Septima gave Snape another filthy look.

In her hand was "Magical Makeover: Putting your best claw forward(Hag's Edition).

"I can not gather your meaning.You can not venture to guess how hard this was to come by," said Snape innocently. "Foolish of me to expect any gratitude from you."

Septima's jaw dropped violently and she goggled at him.

"The audacity, Snape..."

"Why should I not try and help you, Vector. This gift is useful, practical, and can assist you. I am quite pleased with my selection," said Snape matter-of-factly.

"I should have known. And here I was thinking that maybe..."

"Why not work with your flaws?" said Snape shrugging slowly. "I have another surprise for you as well. In fact, not really a surprise because I had mentioned it before. I do keep my promises, Vector," said Snape silkily.

Professor Vector narrowed her eyes at Snape and then opened them rather widely.

Snape had motioned to a friend and invited him to sit down with them.

"Professor Vector, this is Sanguini. I will leave you two alone for a moment."

[galleon]

Sorry!

My computer went haywire AGAIN!

Thanks a lot Snape!

This time it is personal.

I think he is trying to stop me from writing about him.

He is not pleased and thinks that those who are in cahoots with me, namely the readers, are just as guilty.

[galleon]

PART 11 - A SHOW OF GRATITUDE

"Missing me already, Vector? I will be back terrectly." Snape wore a venemous smile and appeared to watch Professor Vector's reaction closely.

"Snape," said Professor Vector trying to control the level of her voice from rising. "You have ten seconds to get the bloody vampire away from me."

"Really, Vector," tutted Snape. "I have just introduced you to one of your kind. Sanguini wil think you are quite rude if I intervene."

"He keeps staring at me, Snape." Professor Vector looked very quickly over her shoulder at the table where a very pale and rail thin man in black sat patiently."

"But of course. He rarely meets eligible er, young, unmarried ladies. Especially, I may remind you, those of both your kind."

Septima balled her fists. Her face went from pink to radish red. She turned on her heel and headed back to the table.

When she reached the table, she picked up her charmingly wrapped gift to Snape and her glass of gillywater. It was then that she marched over to where Snape was standing at the bar.

"Here is your gift, you fool." She shoved the parcel into his chest and he slowly grabbed it with both of his hands. "This is it! I am telling Dumbledore that we need to re-evaluate how one selects from the Sorting hat for the grab bag next holiday."

Snape sneered and looked down at the package without saying a word.

Snape looked slowly up at Vector through his black curtains of hair that fell into his eyes and broke the silence.

"Well, you are exceedingly rude, Vector. What do you wish for me to say to Sanguini?"

"He'll get over it. There are other vampires in the sea, er, in the forest. No need to fret. Go talk to him. You have a lot in common. You've both been lonely for ages. Give him some advice on how to cope, Snape. You WOULD know. Mingling with humans is something the both of you have trouble with."

Snape looked about to burst. Septima wondered if she had verbally hit a nerve.

"Oh, by the way. Here's your drink back too." Vector raised the glass of gillywater and threw it right into Snape's face.

Unfortunately, she didn't wait around to see the consequences of her actions.

Vector slammed the glass on the counter, ignored the curious stares of the patrons who were witnesses that evening, and exited quickly through the door.

[galleon]

PART 12 - AN INTERESTING DEVELOPMENT

It was then that Septima knew she had gone too far.

Snape was probably going to kill her.

Actually, he didn't kill her, but things got worse. She could never have foreseen the events that would shortly happen to her.

However, this installment occurs the night before all hell broke loose.

What I mean to say is that "A Gift for A Hag" part 3 is coming soon.

I would also like to publicly apologize to all vampires, hags, and anyone that likes to eat cockroach clusters and blood lollipops. I hope I have not offended you.

****************************

Septima Vector had marched straight from the pub back to Hogwarts and went immediately to talk to her friend Aurora in her rooms. She could have apparated halfway home but she was livid and needed some time to think. Also, she feared for her life and wished to enjoy what she believed to be her last walk through the grounds of the Hogwarts that she loved and that had been her home for the past few years.

"Why, oh, why did you throw a drink in his face? Have you seen too many muggle movies? You are my best friend, my only friend, Septima, and I should hate to lose you. I will mourn your passing, my dearest friend."

The two women hugged as the tears came rolling down their eyes.

"I know. I know. I was just so mad at him. We must stop crying. You can have my gobstones collection. I have been collecting them (sniff) since 2nd year at the Welsh Wizarding Academy."

"That git. Why would he do such a thing? Inviting Sanguini...of all things. As if the hag and vampire accusations weren't enough. Septima, what happened to Snape's gift?"

"I-I gave it to him. Uh, more like threw it back at him, er, before the drink in the face."

"What type of drink was it?"

"Gillywater...bit of sugar...yellow umbrella. Just like dear Filius Flitwick likes. I will have to visit him one more time as well before my untimely demise."

"Good. Extra Sticky. Too bad the umbrella didn't poke him in the eye, too."

"It might have, Aurora. I didn't stay for the aftermath. I am sure when he returns we will find out."

Septima sighed and walked over to a window, peered out, and once more turned to her friend.

"Can you believe this, Aurora? What did I ever do to deserve this? Why is Merlin laughing at me? And I thought...I gave him a 50 galleon gift certificate to Flourish and Blotts and this is what the blasted bat does to me! Why invite me to dinner at all? I should have known. But after the bluebells, I hate to admit...but I noticed a profound change in him. Aurora, a year ago he would never have done it. He would rather die first. He would rather bestow a compliment on Gilderoy Lockhart. It could have taken him all day to find a grab bag gift but he would have found anything to insult me. Surely, not present me with a bouquet of flowers."

"Septima, Did you ever think, perhaps, that Severus does not hate you as much as you think?" Aurora said hesitantly, not looking her friend in the eye.

"No. Never. Ever. Never."

"Well," Aurora said sheepishly. " I want to tell you something. Now I am not an expert on men and I have never in my life encountered anyone like Severus but something struck me."

"What?"

"I once overheard, not too long ago, Severus and Filch talking in the staffroom. They were alone and I was about to fetch my tea cup when I stopped at the door. I found out some interesting news. I never told anyone--even you---for fear that if Snape found out--well, er, my life would be in danger."

"Well, what did you hear?"

"Septima, this is hard to believe, but Snape had been telling Argus that he was tired because he had been out very late the night before."

"Where was he?"

"He was out --- with a woman."

[galleon]

PART 13 - COMPARISONS

"What's her bloody name, Aurora," asked Septima Vector gruffly.

"Do you mean "Eddie"?"

"Am I to gather that "Eddie" is a woman?"

"Yes. It is her nickname. Everyone calls her that," replied Aurora in a matter-of-fact fashion."

"How touching?" Septima realized that she sounded like Snape and decided to change that.

"Well, her full name is Edwina Winthrop. Lady Edwina Winthrop. Her family owns a chain of Apothecaries. Very talented potioneers and herbologists. She personally runs one in Diagon Alley. She also writes potions books in her spare time. Titled nobility and they come from a long line of wizarding stock, but modernized. Her brother is supposedly quite a looker. Many witches are mad for him. I wouldn't know...compared to Gilderoy...He designs quidditch brooms. The rebel of the family. He didn't want to enter the family business. However, they say his brooms are quite good."

"Really? Well, let's hear the rest of what Filch and Snape said."

"Argus was talking about Madam Pince, whcih I do not even care to think about. And..he...he asked about you," replied Aurora hesitantly.

"What did they say?" asked Septima cooly.

"First, can I say that I would not be surprised that Snape verbally tortures people, perhaps even...the woman of his dreams---to er, maybe, mask his, er, feelings," said Aurora sheepishly. "That is, if her found her, of course."

"No. He has no feelings. Hence, he would never find HER."

"I am not so sure...Well, Snape said that you were hardly that. He admitted to Filch that he had seen Eddie, er, Edwina the night before...whatever that means. Probably not much because according to Snape, as far as "seeing" someone "it most certainly would never be that dunderhead, Professor Vector. Besides, he informed Filch that you were going out with Lockhart on a Saturday. You are very different from her, Septima, Verrrrrry, different!" Aurora added with flourish.

"What is that supposed to mean? And, for the record, I have no interest in Severus Snape," said Septima defiantly.

"Nothing. It is what it is."

"Are you shocked Aurora? We know how he feels about me..."

"I'm...I'm not so sure. Not shock, exactly. Let's change the subject."

"Yes. Let's. I will have to deal with Snape soon anyway."

[galleon]

PART 13 - COMPARISONS

"What's her bloody name, Aurora?" asked Septima Vector gruffly.

"Do you mean "Eddie"?"

"Am I to gather that "Eddie" is a woman?"

"Yes. It is her nickname. Everyone calls her that," replied Aurora in a matter-of-fact fashion."

"How touching." Septima realized that she sounded like Snape and decided to change that.

"Well, her full name is Edwina Winthrop. Lady Edwina Winthrop. Her family owns a chain of Apothecaries. Very talented potioneers and herbologists. She personally runs one in Diagon Alley. She also writes potions books in her spare time. Titled nobility and they come from a long line of wizarding stock, but modernized. Her brother is supposedly quite a looker. Many witches are mad for him. I wouldn't know...compared to Gilderoy...He designs quidditch brooms. The rebel of the family. He didn't want to enter the family business. However, they say his brooms are quite good."

"Really? Well, let's hear the rest of what Filch and Snape said."

"Argus was talking about Madam Pince, whcih I do not even care to think about. And..he...he asked about you," replied Aurora hesitantly.

"What did they say?" asked Septima cooly.

"First, can I say that I would not be surprised that Snape verbally tortures people, perhaps even...the woman of his dreams---to er, maybe, mask his, er, feelings," said Aurora sheepishly. "That is, if her found her, of course."

"No. He has no feelings. Hence, he would never find HER."

"I am not so sure...Well, Snape said that you were hardly that. He admitted to Filch that he had seen Eddie, er, Edwina the night before...whatever that means. Probably not much because according to Snape, as far as "seeing" someone "it most certainly would never be that dunderhead, Professor Vector. Besides, he informed Filch that you were going out with Lockhart on a Saturday. You are very different from her, Septima, Verrrrrry, different!" Aurora added with flourish.

"What is that supposed to mean? And, for the record, I have no interest in Severus Snape," said Septima defiantly.

"Nothing. It is what it is."

"Are you shocked Aurora. We know how he feels about me..."

"I'm...I'm not so sure. Not shock, exactly. Let's change the subject."

"Yes. Let's. I will have to deal with Snape soon anyway."

[galleon]

PART 14 - PET PEEVES

Septima opened the door and left Aurora's quarters. She could barely open it, her body felt like dead weight, as if all her strength had left her. She ventured out into the spiral staircase once more and climbed down the stairs. Her legs felt like lead and she thought she would never reach the passage that lead to the usually empty corridor. It would lead her back to the Great Hall and eventually her own quarters.

As she trudged in the hallway, she noticed Peeves floating alongside her. The blasted poltergeist seemed to appear out of thin air. His voice mocked and teased as she quickened her steps.

"Haggy Waggy, Face is Saggy! Haggy Waggy..."

"GET LOST PEEVES!" she thundered.

"Haggy Waggy, Haggy Waggy, Haggy, OOOOOOOOOH!" Peeves stopped abruptly and when Septima looked up she realized that Professor Snape was walking towards her. In the narrow corridor there was no way she could avoid him without speaking. On the contrary, this was one evening that she wished to have a word or two with him.

As Professor Snape approached her she saw his face contort with rage. She also noticed that the sugary drink she threw at him had gotten into his hair. Unbeknownst to him, one side of his black hair was sticking up like the Bride of Frankenstein.

Septima felt all of her frustration building up and she knew she had to take it out on someone, and that person would also happen to be the source of her woes.

She willed herself not to tear or cry in front of him. The feeling soon passed. She was preparing to rage at him in a passion. He will torment me no longer, she vowed.

She walked brusquely toward him and shoved him with all her might. This time he moved a little. Not enough for her liking. She hauled off and punched him on the nose. Snape slowly raised his hand to his face, raised an eyebrow, and looked at her intensely. His hair was still standing on end from the drink.

"The bluebells were lovely for the last grab bag. And I thought...What ever possessed you?" Septima paused on that note. Realization hit her and she continued.

"All right forget that. You devil...Why, oh WHY, a book on hags?" she implored hysterically." Now, not only am I a hag BUT NOT EVEN A VERY GOOD ONE! Magical Makeover? Putting your best claw forward? HAG'S EDITION?
YOU DOG!!!!"

It was then that Peeves chimed in. Unfortunately he came bearing insults and much more. In his hand and soon over their heads was mistletoe.

Snape merely looked at her and blinked. It took him a few seconds for the mistletoe and their precarious position under it to register. When he had his bearings, he placed both hands on her shoulders, pulled her to him, and kissed her on the lips.

It was short but scary, nonetheless.

"AAAGGGGHHH! URRGGGHHH! PHOOOOO!" Horrendous sounds of disgust were released from Professor Vector's mouth. She spit delicately onto the floor trying in vain to release the contaminated saliva from her mouth.

When she stopped after a spell, her face had turned green and she looked about to faint. She grabbed a wooden sconce on the wall for support.

"OH, OH! Snapey, Wapey, kissy wissy, Haggy Waggy!" jeered Peeves repeatedly. His taunts grew louder and louder until Snape cut in.

"If you tell a living soul or even a departed one for that matter, the Baron will be hearing from me. Personally. He has not been informed yet of your escapades and what you did in the astronomy tower that you know he frequents often."

Peeves halted and looked terrified. "Yes, Sniv..I mean, Sir." Peeves twirled in the air a few times and then floated away.

Snape turned to Vector and seemed to shake with fury and disgust with himself and her.

"For your information, Dumbledore has charmed the mistletoe so that anyone with the misfortune to be caught underneath it must kiss the person next to them, so as not to be rude. The Headmaster, as you know, can be...
Why, Why must I explain anything to you? HOGWARTS RULES, VECTOR! HOGWARTS RULES! I DO NOT BREAK THEM. I AM NOT POTTER!" said Snape beside himself and baring his teeth.

Snape looked white and turned on his heel and fled, his black cloak billowing behind him.

END OF PART 2 --- TO BE CONTINUED.... I WILL PROBABLY PUT PART 3 ON
THE SAME THREAD BECAUSE IT'S SHORT.

THANKS AGAIN!

GALLEON

[galleon]

A GIFT FOR A HAG - PART 3

PART 1

"...that's all well and good, Aurora, but why not my cheek? The cad!"

"I couldn't say, Septima. He's very strange. A very strange man, indeed."

***********************************

Last season, another successful grab bag at Hogwarts School of Withcraft and Wizardry had been had....for the most part.

Unfortunately, it can not be said for Professor Snape and Professor Vector.

Valentine's Day was approaching yet again and both feared the inevitable gift-giving obligations that hung over their head.

Professor Snape insisted on personally seeing the Sorting Hat to have a brief word.

The Sorting Hat was not available when Professor Snape called on it.

*************************************

Professor Snape sat in his dungeons.

"Telling Dumbledore that he was trying to help Professor Vector did not help."

"Dumbledore had disagreed with the candies and his book selection. He believed, in his words, "that insinuating such things about a lovely woman in the flower of her youth was preposterous," Snape scowled thinking of their earlier exchange.

"Maybe the old man was losing his touch," pondered Snape.

**************************************

The past few months had flown by. Professor Vector thought of the delightful visions of the screech owl, Charon, passing her doorway with empty claws.

Often.

************************************

It was the calm before the storm, as they say.

Or maybe not?

[galleon]

PART 2 - A BIRD'S EYE VIEW

"I always knew..." said Aurora Sinistra dreamily if not with some reservation.

"...knew what?" asked Septima.

Aurora stopped. The daydream was over, and she gasped at the sight that met her eyes.

"That....that the ruddy bird was off its rocker...!"

"...and that it's owner is a bloody moron!" finished Septima Vector.

Several students lingering in the hallway gasped and pointed laughingly as Charon, Snape's owl, made his way through the hall.

Although it was not Charon in his usual state. Charon appeared to be dressed as a vampire.

"You blasted owl! Do you still think this is humorous? Owls can't be vampires...and neither can hags," Aurora sputtered and looked apologetically at Septima. It had come out all wrong. This usually happened when Snape and his owl were involved.

Septima watched as Aurora shook her fists at an unruffled Charon who was clearly ignoring her.

"Leave him be, Aurora. It was inevitable. I haven't seen Snape alone since the, er, mistletoe "incident." He has been avoiding me purposely. Whenever too much time has passed, he always seems to find a way to get my goat. The game is up, Charon." She smiled devilishly at the owl, who appeared not to hear her.

"...not this time, Charon. I may not be a Slytherin, but I have a few tricks up my sleeve. I have learned cunning from the best. Namely, your owner."

"I am going to face him and in such a way that will make him irritable and a bit uncomfortable," gloated Septima.

"How is that?" said Aurora nervously.

"Aurora, I will tend to Snape about his owl...and you are coming with me. So is Charon..."

*********************************

Charon wore a black hair piece with a detachable widow's peak, fangs, and a black cape.

He had been flying around haphazardly when the "dream team" as his master called them, had approached him.

Charon was not pleased. He was lost in his own thoughts.

Each of the two harpies now held him fast but gently by a wing on either side and were frog-marching him to Professor Snape's office. He felt like a dead man walking. Or something to that effect that was suitable to an owl in his predicament. What if Grace saw him?

He wished not to be seen publicly with these two dolts in the hallway. However, his wings were immobilized and he couldn't break free.

He thought of the distraction move he had tried on Florence when he sought out her identity but it wasn't working.

He should have been quicker back there.

Also, his ridiculous hair piece was now slipping into his eyes and he could not see too well. A shame it didn't slip over his ears so he couldn't hear the pathetic rantings of these two shameless imbeciles.

Charon could not fathom what his master saw in her....and the other one....forget it.

Where did Septima and her slovenly sidekick get the utter audacity?

His master would surely hear about this. Hopefully, they would get to the dungeons expeditiously.

And these two would hush up!

Not soon enough, in Charon's estimation.