TMQ101 -- Eulogy for a Dark Wizard

[blaqlives]

Discussion of The Magic Quill #101 -- Eulogy for a Dark Wizard by Robbie Fischer.

++DOUBLE CHALLENGE++

SURVEY: True or False: Today’s witches and wizards are all descended from an all-magical civilization that existed long ago, before they spread out and got mixed up with Muggles.

CONTEST: Describe a joke item that might be found at Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes (not including items that have been mentioned in JKR’s books).

[beckyway]

Well...True sounds more interesting.

[Norman_Greene]

1) False but everyone thinks it's true.
2) Maniacle Monkeys: These are small wind up toys like the old monkey toys with cymbals. But here's the good part, when you wind them up they chuck tiny explosives (Like flashing fire crackers) that spark and frighten the winder.

[Celairiel]

1) True, but they co-existed with muggles. It was sort of like ancient Egypt and ancient Mesopotamia.
2)The Ultimate TP-ing Kit (please think of a better name. it is 9:30pm, and i can't...)
This kit is perfect for mischief makers of any age. It includes shaving cream, toilet paper, celophane, and confetti. If you can't use magic, it is simply a set of toilet papering supplies. If you are allowed to use your wand, a simple activation spell is included, which quickly "decorates" your chosen victim's living space. The spell is able to detect the structure you want decorated, and alter itself to be the most annoying possible. While it works at spreading plastic wrap, toilet tissue, and other messies, you are able to wander around, and with another simple incantation, direct specific details added to your special gift.

[Linda_Carrig]

That was an impressive eulogy! Well done!

I think it's true, there was a seperate magical community thousands of years ago but as time went on space ran out and the wizard and witches decided it was in their best interest to blend in.

Pet Pastille. A pastille that allows a person to transform him/herself into their pet for an hour. Works for magical and non-magical beasts alike. How about turning into your kneazle or toad or fwooper?

[fizzingwhizzbee]

I thinks it should be true about the decendant thing
I'm not sure about the Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes thing, i'll think about it

[stwonks]

survey:FAlse I just don't like the idea that wizards ans muggles are practicly different species, it doesn't sound right to me

contest:bad brush~a hair brush that causes you to have to worste hair day ever
or
toothpaint~makes your teeth tongue flash different colors

[PotterPig]

1. False
2. Face mask that allows you to take on the face of anybody else while still keeping your body.

[Pla303]

1. False
2. Chinchin chips - Throw a party after a quidditch victory. Offer pop and these chips, and BAM. Everybody in the room temporarily turns into a chinchilla for your amusement.

[voldymortus]

True

The Emporer's new clothes. People wear them and as the day progresses they become fainter and fainter untill the disappear. Skirts work the fastest for some reason

[zanaboo]

Concept contributed by: Kat

The Reversus Spell - and it's unique rebound effect - is one of my more brilliant ideas, if I do say so myself. ***dancing around, shouting, "Yes! Woo-hooo!"***

Now... if I could just learn to write the rest of the story as well as Robbie, I'd be even happier.

True or False: Today’s witches and wizards are all descended from an all-magical civilization that existed long ago, before they spread out and got mixed up with Muggles.

True and false. Yes, there used to be an all-magical civilization - because, since all humans were magical in ancient times, every ancient civilization was magical. Then along came the first world-wide wizarding war, caused by a Dark Lord who came up with an inconceivably evil spell which mutated the magical DNA of anyone - everyone - who got in his way. That's how muggles were first 'created' -- all present-day muggles are the decendants of the victims of this ancient Dark Lord. Since he was terrified that one of his minions might turn on him, he never revealed this spell to anyone else. Even though he alone knew the spell, he still managed to cast it on so many people, that the horror he caused - a world where the vast majority of humans are totally incapable of magic - has yet to be undone. (Of course, this ancient Dark Lord had no scientific knowledge of "DNA" - he just intended to create a spell that would make his opponents incapable of magic, and the spell just happened to work by mutating their DNA.)

Describe a joke item that might be found at Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes

Fred and George thought this one up when they both had colds. It's a candy that makes your ear wax run - just like your nose runs when you have a cold. The effect lasts about a week, and there's no known cure, so you just have to keep dabbing the ear wax off your neck with tissues every few minutes. The candies actually taste pretty good -- unfortunately, since the more of them you eat, the worse the effect.

zanaboo, aka Kat in the rw.

[Dragonic]

True, though some people have come up with some truly awesome ideas. (like Kat's).

Joke item- Speed conditioning chocolate. It makes you move either faster than usual or slower than usual at random intervals of time. This includes moving, talking, and thinking.

[TWZRD]

False, though Norman is right about everyone (or at least most magical folk) wanting to think it's true. Since most primitive cultures don't make a separation between "magic" and science, I will say that there was originally a complete mixing. The modern wizard governments go nuts trying to decide what to do about the secrecy laws when folks from some isolated and primitive culture get to mingling with "modern" muggles. How can you obliviate someone's entire cultural inculcation?
The joke: Backfire juice. Can be slipped into the victims drink, with the result of causing an embarrassing noise whenever the person raises and extends an arm. Particularly devastating when administered to young men who have a movie date. Can also be poured into the gas tank of cars with front bench seats, causing the car to react to the drivers attempts to cuddle. Fred and George sell a lot of this to middle-aged men with porch swings and daughters...

[_houdini]

yes well it is the most logical thing as if not how would the wizards form their own goverment and build only magic places like diagon alley...i mean why all the secrecy if wizards had been mixed together with muggles and if so why muggles now don’t know of their existence, plus if not it would mean that the wizards were born from muggles randomly which doesn't make sense... and this would be like X-Men already!!

Joke Toys:

Stink-me-not/Odourizer --- a very hard to remove stinking potion disguised as perfumes, cologues and deodourizers, and makes the person stink. what is worst is that the victim is unable to smell that he stinks. Poor guy thinking he is smelling fresh and nice but is confused by why people are pinching their noses and avoiding him

BUCKet --- looks like a bucket, feels like one, but seems to have a life of its own!! This BUCKet discards anything that is placed into it rather er... creatively. Like when water is placed into it would topple and spill the liquid all over the place and over the unsuspecting user's feet. when dirty stuff is placed into it, it would chuck the contents all over the place or emptys itself on the user when the user's back is turned. and even when it is not in use it would keep falling over making loud noises and be a nusiance. or when it is placed on a high shelf it would fall onto the head of whoever who walks past it.
(hmm... i think fred and george got this idea when being punished to clean for Mum but i doubt they dare to use it on her, but it would be fun if they used BUCKet on Filch!! ;D )

[charlottexgf]

True. I'll think of a good reason later.

WedgiePants Kit: Open the box and point it towards the seat of your victim's pants. The kit charms the pants to slowly sneak up, making a wedgie that progresses in severity throughout the day. By lunch they ought to be walking funnily, by dinner they ought to ask for help. If the victim attempts to "dig out" the wedgie, he gets a second of two of relief before his pants spring back to the previous position.

[FishEByrd]

Thanks, everybody, for your great joke submissions! There were more good ideas than I knew what to do with. If your contest entry wasn't used in TMQ #103, please don't be discouraged - it was a tough choice!