Tiger Lily (Lily/James)

[Essbee]

This story is a sequel to my fic My Lilyflower. If you haven't read that yet, you probably should. Then come back to this. If you have read that, great.

I hope you enjoy this. I'm not entirely sure where I'm going with it yet...

...story to follow in next post...

[Essbee]

Chapter One

I've always wondered why it is that happy people rarely write in diaries, whereas miserable people write in them all the time. I think that I never really understood, because I'd never really been happy before. Not properly. Not like I am now.

I know, I know, that sounds like the soppiest thing you've ever heard. Believe me, I think it sounds soppy, and I wrote it. But if there's one thing I've learnt in the last month, it's that however hard you try you can't actually deny how you feel about something. Or someone.

And this last month, well. It's really been... something. Something different, something new. James has been...

I can't even finish sentences of which James is a part. And not for the old reasons. It used to be that James filled me with derision, then confusion. Now, well, now thinking of James fills me with a sense of contentment. A feeling of safety and security.

Ye gads, that's far too much sop. Even for me, even now.

Let's get back to my first thought; why people write in diaries.

I've got mine back out again, after all. And I was wondering why. I think it might be exam stress. The NEWTs are in less than a month, after all. And I still haven't started revising.

Remus has been revising. Everytime I see him, he's got a pile of books under his arm. Barely got time to say hello to me. Then there's Peter, who has been reading the first page of 'Basic Transfiguration' for the last three weeks. OK, so maybe it's not very effective revision, but at least he's trying. I've even seen Sirius with a book or two in his bag, though he'd die before letting anyone think that he actually cared about his exams.

I've got a pile of books from the library, almost as tall as me. And I know that I should be revising from them. That's why I've got them, after all. And yet, nothing.

Even worse, I keep avoiding the issue with James. I know that more than anything he wants me to be happy, and I know that he knows that I have no chance of achieving that until I feel happy about my exams. So he keeps asking me how I'm getting on with my revision. In a way, it's sweet that he understands me so well, and that he cares. On the other hand, it's making me nothing but nervous.

Maybe I should do some revision now. It's probably best.

Or I could take a nap. Mmm. I am sleepy...


Feedback makes my world go around...

[Essbee]

Chapter Two


If there's one thing that I've noticed about being with James that I didn't expect, it's the immediate integration into his circle of friends. I mean, I knew Remus and Sirius and Peter beforehand, and we'd chat and help one another out in lessons, but this is different. Rather than being absent from his duties as marauder extraordinaire, James has simply decided that I should come along and join in myself.

A couple of years ago, that might have been a recipe for disaster, but they have grown up a lot since then. Well, James and Remus have. I'm not so sure about Peter and Sirius.

Anyway, that's where I'm going in a minute, to meet them all in the Common Room. Since I feel that one of these secret marauder meetings should be documented (just to prove I was actually there), my trusty quill will be recording in my bag.

OK, I'm going to be late if I don't get a move on. See you there, as it were.

- - - - - - -

Maybe I was going a bit far when I said 'secret' meeting. After all, there's nothing particularly secretive about a group of friends getting together in a crowded common room.

I think that it just feels that way to me, because I've never been involved before. I always had these mad ideas about the crazy things that they got up to, but since actually spending time with them I've pretty much come to the conclusion that the most exciting thing the marauders ever did was hex Severus Snape.

They're all here already, and as I descend the stairs from the girls dormitory they're deep in conversation. James' head turns as I come near to them, which is sweet, and gives me that goofy grin which has hardly left his face since that morning in this very common room three or so weeks ago.

"Hey you." Who would ever have thought that two words had the capablity to make a person smile so much? The others have been alerted to my presence now too. Remus looks happy to see me, as always, though I can't say so much for Sirius.

"Hello Lily. Come to join our meeting of reprobates anonymous?" As if.
"Remus, if I were to be a reprobrate, which I certainly am not, there would be nothing anonymous about it. I would most definitely make sure that everyone knew it was me." Remus is trying to keep his composure but failing miserably, because I can see that smile playing on his lips.

There's a space for me on one of the large squishy chairs beside James, so I'll sit there. It's amazing to me how I've been there less than a second and already his one arm has found my waist. It's a bit cold down here, even with the large fire roaring, and James' warmth is seeping comfortably onto my back as he holds me tight. I can see that my contentment is earning me another look from Sirius, but I actually don't care, because this is worth it.

"So," says Sirius, in a rather obvious attempt to get the focus of the group back onto himself, "can we get back to business?"
"I'm sorry. If I'm interrupting something important I can come back later." James' hand tightens on my waist a little, and I squeeze it lightly with my own, to let him know I'm only teasing Sirius. Remus is smiling at the floor in an embarrassed fashion.

"Green isn't your colour, Sirius." I'd expect such a comment to worsen Sirius' mood, but instead it seems to have calmed him down a bit. A wry smile comes across his face.
"Mmmbrm." Everyone chuckles, except me, because I don't really understand what's going on.
"That was 'sorry' in Sirius-speak." James isn't speaking all that loudly, but him being so close to my ear and being able to feel his breath on my cheek as he's speaking startles me more than I would have thought. His words amuse me, but this really highlights for me how much I still have to learn about the marauders.

"Apology accepted." He still looks a little chagrined, but at least he's not glaring at me any more.

"But Padfoot is right. We have to get back to business. It'll be full moon soon." There's no misunderstanding Peter's comment, especially for Remus it seems, who has lost the smile he had a moment ago and is sitting, head bowed, eyes closed.
"Thank you, Peter, for bringing that up in the crowded common room. I was aware." He looks so sad, poor dear. Sirius seems to have regained his good mood at this opportunity to give Peter a thorough thwack around the head.

"Idiot."
"Sorry."

Then there's a silence, which gives me a moment to ponder. Obviously, I know about Remus'... condition. He's told me himself. I've always wondered though how his close friends deal with it. It must be awful to sit in your dormitory, with one empty bed, for a night or two each month, hoping that your friend is ok.

Suddenly, I feel like I'm intruding on something very personal. I don't know how they deal with it, and it feels callous and assuming of me to be sitting here whilst they talk about it.

"I have to go." Whatever they were expecting to break the silence, I don't think it was that. James looks like a puppy who's just been told he can't play, Remus and Sirius look suprised and Peter looks pleased with himself. "I've got revision to do." Which is true, to be fair. Not that it makes leaving James any easier.

"But-"
"I'll see you later." It's a little consolation, it seems, and reluctantly he relinquishes his hold on me.
"OK."

I squeeze his hand, the last thing left touching me. He's so warm, and I'm very close to changing my mind.

"Enjoy yourself." Remus' voice snaps me from my reverie and reminds me why I was leaving in the first place. He's looking less surprised now, like he knows why I'm going really.

He's smart, I should expect him to know.

OK, so I've left, smiled a last smile at James, and I'm heading back upstairs. I still don't know if I've done the right thing, but I couldn't stay, so I must have.

I'm inside my room, and the bed looks inviting so I collapse onto it. I wasn't tired before, but now I am. I don't know why.

Wait a minute- what's this? Feels like paper, yes, it is. It's got Lily written on it, in a heart, so it can only be from one person. Lord only knows how he managed to get it upstairs onto my pillow, but that's James for you.

Meet me at ten thirty in the Common Room tonight.
There's something I have to show you.
x J x

Mystery and intrigue, thy name is James!

Maybe it's childish, but I'm excited. I wonder what he wants to show me?

Feedback and cookies are the food of life

[Essbee]

Chapter Three

I didn't want to revise when I didn't have the burden of excitement on my shoulders, so I don't know why I thought that I would want to revise now I do.

James' little message that he left on my pillow has intrugued me, and so writing in here has once again become more interesting that my so-called-attempts at revision.

It's only just gone nine o'clock now, which is very frustrating. Why can't it be half ten already? Maybe I'll try sleeping or something.

- - - - - - -

OK, so sleeping didn't work. Not that I really expected it to, to be honest. If I can't concentrate enough to read, I don't know why I thought that I'd concentrate enough to sleep. Wishful thinking I guess.

I keep going over what he might want to show me, in my mind, and I'm not entirely convinced that it's not just some elaborate ploy to get me alone with him late at night in the common room. I can't quite decide if he has truely renounced his mischevious ways, or if he just tries to in an attempt to placate me. Sometimes I see that glint in his eyes, and it does make me wonder. But then he looks directly at me, and there's such a depth of feeling there that I shrug it off again, unsure of whether I really saw anything there at all.

It's almost ten now. Maybe if I get changed, that'll kill some time.

- - - - - - -

Twenty past ten, and I'm ready for my night-time excursion. I've sorted my socks into colour order in the drawer too. I can't help it; I find sorting things therapeutic.

Anyway, I've done my hair too. I put it up in a twirly knot thing that I saw Gerry Hopkirk doing last weekend, and I think it worked quite well actually. Took me nearly ten minutes, and there's no way that I'd ever bother with it normally, but I was trying to kill time. And you can't deny it looks good.

I bet James doesn't notice.

And I had to charm my hair to stay in place, because no-one around here believes in hairspray, and I am never usually bothered enough with my hair to need any myself.

Anyway, I'm heading downstairs in a minute. I guess I'll put my quill on record again.

See you there. Metaphorically, of course.

- - - - - - -

Boys. They're never on time. It's just gone half ten now, and I'm sitting here in this big squishy chair waiting for James to appear. I can't believe he's late. I mean, this was his idea.

Maybe he's forgotten about me. Or worse, maybe he wasn't ever going to meet me at all. Maybe it's a prank, or a prank not even by him. Maybe this is Sirius and Peter's idea of a joke or something-

What's that noise? I'm alone here in the common room, and it's a bit eerie. Especially when I keep hearing shuffling noises. I hope that Kim Belkin's cat hasn't got loose again or anything.

There is it again! I swear I'm not imagining it. Over there, by the fireplace.

What the- James?

"Evening." Where on earth did he come from?
"I don't understand... Where did you come from?" He looks very smug. Hmph.
"You look beautiful." He's coming to sit by me now. It's snug in this chair with the two of us. He's looking at my hair; well, at least he noticed it.
"Thanks." Even when I'm ruffled, he still makes me smile. "But I still don't understand-"
"I told you I had something to show you. Let's go for a walk." At night? Is he mad?

"We can't! We'll get caught! Or worse-" His hand is on my lips, shushing me.
"Would I get you into trouble?" Hmm, I'm still not sure about that. "Come stand by me." He stands, and pulls me to my feet next to him. It's nice being this close, and I instinctively put my arms around his waist, making him smile.
"So, what's your big secret then? Going to make us disappear?" He's got that look in his eyes, that glint I said about earlier.
"Something like that." He's pulled something from his pocket and wrapped it around me, but I don't see what's supposed to be different.
"What-?"
"Look." He points his wand out from beneath the sheet we're under, and shoots a silvery liquid from it. The liquid looks beautiful, and the dim light in the common room plays off it, casting playful shadows onto the walls. Now its formed a round disc in the air, slowly hardening into a shiny flat surface. It's a mirror. Looking into it, I can see the common room reflected back, and James' wand, but-
No. It can't be.

"We're... invisible?" I can't believe it. It's impossible, surely. But James has that look on his face again.
"Yup." I'm actually speechless. I don't know what to say. "It's an invisibility cloak. It was my Dad's."

He's pulled his hand into the cloak again, and I can't take my eyes off the mirror. I keep expecting to see something there, but there's nothing.
"Do you feel like going for that walk now?" Can I say no to that? This is... something completely new. It's exhilirating.
"K." My voice sounds quiet and weak even to me. Must be the shock.
"Hey. We don't have to. Just say and we can stay here if you want-"
"No. I want to." That must also be the shock. James seems pleased though. Big surprise.

- - - - - - - -

Moving with someone else under this cloak is an... interesting experience in itself. I have to keep reminding myself that no-one can see us. I'm also finding it much harder than I should to concentrate, and I can't quite pinpoint why. Maybe it's the new feeling of breaking rules. Maybe it's the fact that I keep feeling James' hands brushing my sides. Maybe I'm just tired.
James has brought me to a room with a balcony in the North Tower that I didn't even know existed. The view is amazing, right out across the lake, with the stars reflecting in its glittering black surface.

"Do you like it?"
"How could I not?" He never ceases to amaze me, it seems.
"Good." A comfortable silence; just us standing looking out at the view, with James behind me, holding me.
"So, is this your secret then?" Now a longer silence, and so I turn around to look at him. He looks a little troubled.
"I've got a few." His mood passes, like someone wiping the frown from his face. I don't know whether to push him further or not. "Another day, Lily, I promise."

There's no answer to that. Well, maybe there is.

Reaching up to his face, I tangle my fingers in his hair and pull his head down to meet mine. Our lips meet with a soft, gentle touch.

After we pull away, I rest my head on his shoulder. It might sound corny, but it's true; I've never felt safer than on that exposed balcony, wrapped in James and an invisibility cloak, standing beneath the stars.

[Essbee]

(I'm not sure how I feel about this chapter, so please, feedback and let me know how you feel about it!)

Chapter Four

Mornings are certainly over-rated. Especially ones where you have to go to classes, and be told for the three-hundredth time that your NEWTs are looming ever closer. Especially when you're told that you should be revising in every spare second you have, when I've been lucky to even pick up my spell books twice this last week.

I wish I could blame someone else for my apathy, but it's not going to happen. I know that it's no-one's fault but my own. I've just been avoiding it. I've taken long walks around the grounds, I've stared out of the windows at the trees, I've read almost all of those muggle fiction books that my parents sent me on my birthday. Anything is more interesting than revision, it seems.

What makes it even worse, if that's possible, is that other people are revising. And not just any other people; James and Sirius. I saw them, just yesterday, in the library. They had notes out on the table, books stacked up next to them, and they were studying. Quietly.

Help, my world is falling apart. Nothing is as we knew it to be. The apocalypse must be coming.

Or something like that.

- - - - - - - - -

You know what I've found interesting? Witches and wizards don't seem to have the same affinity for fiction that muggles do. Stories exist, but you don't find whole bookcases full of books in magical families like you would in a muggle house. Probably because 'fantasy', as a muggle knows it, is just a history text. Or a textbook, even. The 'non-fiction' section in Hogwarts library is pretty much full of books that would only belong in the 'fiction' section in a muggle library. Our 'fiction' section is two shelves long, one of which is populated solely with the comic anthologies of 'The Adventures of Marvin, the Mad Muggle', which I think were only bought under false pretenses that they could be useful for the Muggle Studies students.

Here's something I found even more shocking; most wizards and witches have never heard of muggle classics, like Charles Dickens, Leo Tolstoy and Jane Austen. How can a self-respecting girl have grown up not knowing the beauty that is Pride and Prejudice? OK, so I watched the film first. But still. The point is there.

Any witch who hasn't heard of Mr Darcy is clearly missing out. Maybe I should campaign to include him in the Hogwarts curriculum.

- - - - - - - - -

I've just been reading back my last few entries. I'm even writing in my diary now to avoid revision, it would seem. Maybe if I got out of my room, something more exciting would happen to me. I am supposed to be seeing James this afternoon.

Since our evening walk to the North Tower, I've been a bit nervous around James, though I can't quite put my finger on why. Having an invisibility cloak is such a huge secret to have kept for six years, especially for someone who loves (or used to love, at any rate) bragging about stuff. It makes me wonder if I've been underestimating his character for quite some time, which in turn leads me to wonder what the other secrets are that he's keeping from me. I don't want to think that it's anything wrong, or bad, or (Merlin, help me) illegal, but the last six years haven't exactly left me with good impressions. And when he's with me, and I look into those big puppy-eyes of his I know that I can't imagine him being anything but good, and selfless, and brave. But when he's not, my brain kicks in, and I remember images of crying first-years, s******ing marauders, and Severus hanging upside down by his ankle over the lake.

I don't know what to do anymore. He makes me feel so special, but then I start to worry and it just makes me feel guilty. Am I doing the right thing? Has he really changed? Can people change?

Oh... I need some chocolate.

- - - - - - - - -

There's only one man to go to in this school for chocolate, though he's not always the easiest of men to find. My logical side knows that it's the same chocolate frog, no matter where I get it from, but somehow it always tastes better when it's eaten with Remus Lupin.

I've been lucky to find him, I think, behind all these books. Hmm, mustn't think about revision, it'll only depress me more.

"Hey Lily." Bless him, he looks so serious. "What's up? You look a bit down."

"Got any chocolate?"

"That bad, eh? I've always got chocolate for you. Want to talk about it?"

Mmm, I can feel the chocolate melting in my mouth, and already I feel a bit better.

"Not sure." He's raising an eyebrow at me in that sceptical fashion he does oh-so-well.

"If it's making you speak in only half-formed sentences, I know it must be bad." What's sad is that he's right; I am usually so very picky about my grammar. It makes me smile that he knows me so well.

"I guess. I'm just confused."

"About what?"

"Everything." OK, so maybe not the most helpful answer in the world, in the 'moving-the-conversation-along' kind of way, but I really don't know where to begin. "Exams. Revision. James. Jane Austen."

Remus is looking thoroughly confused now, and I can't say I blame him.

"Who on Earth is Jane Austen?" See what I mean? No-one in the wizarding world has heard of her.

"Um, never mind." My sigh is deep, and it causes Remus to tilt his head to one side and smile lop-sided at me, just a little.

"Let's back up then. Why are you, of all people, worried about your NEWTs?" His confidence is touching, if a little misplaced.

"I'm finding it so hard to revise, Remus." He's giving me an incredulous look. "No, really. I just can't get motivated." Now he's smiling.

"Lily, you would pass even if you never picked up a book between now and our last exam." That's just riduculous.

"Rem-"

"Ah-! Don't interrupt." OK, so I'm pouting. But only a little bit. "If you're really concerned, why don't you revise with me? It'll give you some structure. Then maybe you can stop beating yourself up about it."

He's such a sweetheart. And honestly, he has all the best ideas.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

There's a comfortable silence, and I feel a little better than before.

"So, what else was bothering you?"

He looks so earnest, so willing to listen, so eager to help. And I want to tell him; to have him reassure me that James is not hiding secrets from me, that he really has changed. But the words won't form on my lips. The ideas, the worries, they all just stay in an intagible mess in my head, and I can't bring myself to say any of them.

"Nothing. I'm fine." He doesn't look convinced, but then neither am I.